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Nothing existed before, and the future was a distant thought.
The world was white and cold, but there was a certain comfort to the chill that sent the creature’s body shuddering. Its fingers played with soft fluff that soon dissolved into cold liquid, and it licked it up off its fingers. Its entire body was pillowed by the substance, cared for like a son tucked in for the night and kissed on the forehead by a doting parental figure.
If there was something wrong, the creature wasn’t aware of it. But... there was something wrong, wasn’t there? Something it was supposed to be doing. There was a word for what it was feeling, but...
It wasn’t aware of it.
A soft giggle came from its mouth. Yes, it was laughing, because this was a lovely place to be, no obligations, no screaming or puking or... Yes, there was nothing at all here. Just the creature and the cold, fluffy—
“Wake the fuck up you piece of bastard rat ass.”
What?
“WAKE UP MOTHERFUCKER.”
“Wuhguhvehhh?” the creature articulated.
Before him stood a golden retriever in a party hat and a pastel-colored jester’s frock. Frigid wind blew the streamers on top of the hat, ruffled the dog’s fur, and rustled its frock.
“Good boy?” the creature asked uncertainly.
The dog’s mouth did not move. Rather, its voice surrounded the creature as if projected by the universe itself. “My son. My boy. It’s me... the spirit of Winter.”
Boy. Yes, that sounded right. The creature nodded, soaking in the thought of his newly assigned gender. “Like in A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens?”
“No. Winter. As in the person, Winter Snow. Like, I’m a dog, but I’m also Winter.”
“You’re winter... so this is snow...!” He scooped up more of the snow around him and ate it. Tasty!
It nodded. “And I’m not a golden retriever. I’m a charles king spaniel.”
“I don’t know what that is.” he said.
“It is unimportant,” replied the dog. “What matters now is what you’re going to do, my child.”
“Mommy?”
The dog’s manic laughter was only a noise. It stared at him unmoving, unblinking. Then it raised its head in a manner most regal. “Listen to me, Violence. We don’t have much time; I’ll keep this short. You’re going to be high as balls in about— no, they just put the mask on, never mind.”
WOW he felt good all of a sudden. He was lighter than air. Lighter than air’s air, if air needed to breathe. Did air need air to breathe?
“It doesn’t,” the dog replied. “Listen to me, you sedative-addled wreck. I’m going to give you instructions. You’re going to follow them. Everything’s going to be... interesting.”
“Can I lick you?”
“Yeah okay.” The dog approached and Violence put his hand on its fluffy doggy back.
“Lick lick lick,” Violence said. “Haha. It’s like my fingers have tongues.”
The dog wriggled. “You are so tortured. I love that about you.”
“What?”
“Picture Kobeni Higashiyama for me. Can you do that?”
She drifted into Violence’s mind like a wet tree branch drifting onto the beach, waiting to be discarded by responsible passers-by: hair full of clips, anxious eyes, a slight frame and shaky hands.
He wanted to hold those hands.
More laughter from the dog. “She doesn’t like you back and she never will, Violence! She’s aroace!”
“She’s an arrow ace? Then why does she use a knife?”
The way it stared at him was downright sadistic. “You know what happens to vegetables after you steam them? That’s your brain right now. You’re the vegetables. Violence, I adore you.”
“Can I be carrots?”
“Yes. You can be anything you want to be, you absolute wretch. Listen. Kobeni Higashiyama. Kobebi, if you will. The tragedy of Public Safety will consume you and her both.”
“I need to make her unsafe...” he whispered, awed.
“No you moron listen to me. She will escape, but you won’t. She’s going to go into fast food. The trauma of these days will never leave her.”
He nodded. “I have to rescue her...”
“Yes. Make it happen, Violence. Get her out.”
“Okay!”
Satisfied, the dog turned to amble away. As he watched, it started to dissolve the same way the snow was dissolving on his hands, and then he was dizzy, so dizzy he fell facefirst into the snow, breathing it in, choking him, then—
Violence awoke with the strongest headache of his life.
“Who the fuck am I,” he said. He couldn’t be blamed for not knowing the answer. After all, his brain was about as put-together as my last attempt at waffles. That is to say: a sad, gloopy mess that might have been toasty and delicious in a better life, but was instead relegated to the trash because it was simply unsalvageable.
He was strapped to a table in a bright white room. He was pretty sure he was naked, which was wrong to do before marriage, and he assumed he must have gotten really drunk last night to violate his principles like that. Except he had some kind of weird mask on his face. Was drunk-him into roleplay?
“The subject is awake,” said his presumed sexual partner. She had a voice like cotton candy and butterflies and he immediately understood why he’d lost himself to her despite saving himself for Kobeni.
“I can’t do this again,” he groaned. “It’s not right...!”
“The subject is displaying a sense of morality. Violence Devil: are you in there?”
He gave her a confused look. “Yeah? We can’t have sex again, I’m sorry. I’m a man of God, you see.”
After a confused pause, the individual came into sight, dressed in full scrubs and a surgical mask.
Jeez, was drunk him into stuff like that?
A quick glance down his body confirmed that he was not. Then what was going on here?
As if to answer him, she kept talking. “The fiend transfer procedure was successful, but the Violence Fiend appears to believe that it is a human.”
“I’m not! I’m full devil!” he said.
“Pardon me: it does not seem to be able to differentiate between its human and devil sides.”
Actually, her voice didn’t sound much like cotton candy at all. Maybe... maybe a cloud. Like cotton candy, but tasteless.
After that, a bunch of staff members got him dressed pretty quickly, although he still wasn’t entirely sure what had happened last night. Then they did some kind of interview, which he presumably aced, given their shocked expressions.
Then they explained that his mask was not to be taken off under any circumstances. In fact, they’d even included a silly little button on the side that released extra gas into his mask for when he was feeling down, because Violence had to be nerfed because he was God’s favorite boy. And they were right! He thought fondly of the dog Winter when they told him that.
Lastly, they brought him out of the room into a darkly lit hallway, no windows in sight. A young woman was standing there.
Kobeni!
Kobeni Kobeni Kobeni! That was HIS Kobeni!
“Kobeni!” he cried out, jumping forward for a hug.
She dodged with a yelp and he caught himself on the metal wall.
“What is this?!” she demanded, voice trembling with excitement.
“I’m yours!” he crowed. Yes, it was all coming together now! He had a purpose!
He was going to rescue her! And after he did, she would love him because she was an arrow ace and that meant she loved bows and that was only one letter off from boys and he was a boy according to Dog God Winter!
But first, he had to ensure that fast food could never hurt her.
He had to prevent that trauma.
And after that, they could stay in Public Safety forever, together...!
The woman he had maybe done less-than-holy things with nodded at Kobebi. “You’re in charge of him from now on. You’ve been briefed on his situation?"
“Yes,” she trembled, a single bead of sweat sliding down her forehead anime-style. It looked so perfectly lickable, yet Violence held himself back. He knew a true gentleman got his lady wanting before he did such things.
“Good. Take him for a spin, would you? Make sure he still knows the ropes?”
“What do you mean, ‘still’?” Kobeni asked, but the woman had already turned heel and disappeared to the confines of her lurid dungeon.
At that, Kobeni gave Violence a shy look.
Violence beamed at her. Of course, she could not see this through the mask that covered most of his face, but the sentiment was clear in the way he puffed his chest out like the happy little birdie he was. “Let’s get going!”
The beginning of their time together would have looked uneventful to an outsider, but Violence knew better.
He knew the significance of every shy smile she offered to him because of the way each one made his heart glow.
He knew the emotional strength it took for her to divulge the details of her tragic home life to him.
Most of all, he knew how much she appreciated it when he paid for her food. He wasn’t entirely sure where his credit card had come from — it belonged to someone with a familiar face and a familiar name, but he couldn’t quite place who — but he didn’t care. It was free money, and it made Kobeni happy!
Yes, Violence knew that their connection was deepening. He figured that soon enough, she might even teach him how to handle a bow!
Today they sat down together in the cafeteria at the Public Safety Government Mandated Luncheon & Recreational Room, newly installed in this year of our lord 1997. Kobeni began wolfing down a stack of high-fiber pancakes. Bite, chew (once), swallow.
She consumed another forkful of ‘cake with obvious pain on her face, then her eyes bugged out as the glob visibly lodged in her throat. She chased it down with a big gulp of water and wiped the dripping remnants from her mouth with her sleeve.
Violence sighed, observing his crush like she was a daydream. “I love the way you eat, Kobeni. Your obvious desperation reminds me of the screams of a dead man.”
She nodded, obviously not listening, and instead pointed at his Public Safety-provided Devil Kibble™. “Are you going to eat tha—?”
“Fast food is a fate worse than death!” he said cheerfully. “Never eat a burger, Kobeni!”
He was going to save her, whatever it took.
“Okay, whatever,” Kobeni replied. “Can I have your food, though!”
Could she? Well, it wasn’t like he could eat it, given the mask and everything! Haha. He was so hungry.
“Okay!” Violence said. He shoved his plate across the small table with the grace of a newborn kitten. A piece of Devil Kibble™ rolled out of the plate and landed in Kobeni’s lap. She picked it up without even looking and popped it in her mouth, chewing and swallowing as before.
Her expression stiffened as she looked over Violence’s shoulder.
“Huh? Did something happen, Kobeni?” He turned to look with her and immediately perked up, raising a hand to wave at the woman approaching. “Hi, Makima!”
“Hello,” their boss smiled. She pulled up a chair to sit with the two of them. After she was already seated, she asked, “Do you two mind if I sit here?”
“Not at all,” Kobeni squeaked, a single sweat drop making its way quite leisurely down her forehead. Violence wondered why it was acting so casual when Beni was so obviously distressed. Oh well!
“How are you?” Makima asked, circle-thingy-eyes gleaming.
“We’re good how are you?” Kobeni replied in one quick breath.
At that, Makima’s neutral smile faded to a frown. “Hm. Well, I’m actually not doing too well myself.”
“Why not?” Violence asked.
Makima cleared her throat. “Well, I went to the theater last night, but the movies just weren’t any good. Have you seen the new Sonic trilogy? I’ve been keeping up with it, but filmmakers have an uncanny ability to ruin beloved series by losing sight of what makes them good. It’s a pattern that keeps repeating; in fact, there’s an entire award given to the “worst remake” at a particular ceremony for bad movies, which I’m sure is proof enough to the both of you that this is a notable problem. Personally, I’m unsure what there is to celebrate about such things. Isn’t bad art something best forgotten? Well, anyways. The Sonic movies were acceptable as movies, but they could have replaced the titular hedgehog with any talking animal companion and the plot wouldn’t have to change much. That is to say: while the films take inspiration from Sonic in many ways, their failure to address the core themes of the series means they are so far divorced from it that there is no point in calling them Sonic movies. Even plotlines that take significant inspiration from the games, such as Shadow’s new story, are so drastically altered as to miss the point of the originals. That isn’t to say that I like the originals, of course. I’ve never been one much for video games, bar the occasional arcade trip, and the Sonic series in particular is riddled with issues. However, I decided to check out the movies because of their surprising popularity. They were enjoyable enough as children’s flicks go, but they lacked both artistic value and fan appeal. Perhaps these movies could be used to introduce the series to a new audience, but even then, I’d be surprised if that audience could appreciate the games in their own right. But I suppose that is the way of humans. Without a steady hand to guide them, they always ruin the things they hold dearest. It’s a tragedy.”
Kobeni and Violence stared at her.
“I’m not sure what you’re talking about, but that was really insightful, Makima!” Violence said.
“Humans?” Kobeni said. “You’re talking about us like you’re something else. But that’s ridiculous, we’re both—”
Kobeni’s eyes widened as she stared into Makima’s bizarre eyes. Apparently she’d figured something out! Violence had no clue what it was.
Instead of panicking, Makima simply folded her hands on the table and gave the two of them a neutral smile. “Forget you heard any of that, both of you.”
What was Violence thinking about again...?
A/N (Author’s Note): Subtlety is the hallmark of a good writer.
“Can we kill the fast food devil?” he asked suddenly.
‘Kima frowned. “I haven’t heard reports of it appearing nearby. Do you know something, Violence?”
“Nope! I just really have to kill that guy. He’s a real do-badder. That’s like a do-gooder but bad.”
“We know,” Kobenjamin mumbled.
He smiled. What a smart Beni she was! He loved her so much.
Makima gave him a confused look. “Well, if we see it, I don’t see why not. Of course, more dangerous devils have to take priority. But if you happen to find it, I see no issue with you killing it.”
“Yippee!” yippee’d the bird-man.
Kobeni gave him a beautifully genuine smile. Alas, his focus had already drifted because he had the mental capabilities of a horde of queenless bees.
Violence was in what you might call a bit of a pickle. A real gherkin, if you will. Possibly with some ketchup and cheese, and maybe a bit of beef, a delectable bun surrounding, the meal tied together by a side of fries and a corn-based drink.
He’d found the Fast Food Devil; that had been the easy part.
There was only one problem.
He’d found the Fast Food Devil in Hell.
“Oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god,” said one of those lesbian harem fiend girls.
“Oh god oh god oh GOD,” moaned Kobeni.
Violence was shaking like a hypothermic during an earthquake, but he tried to give Kobeni a comforting squeeze of the hand nonetheless. A simple reach-grab-squeeze-release.
She grabbed his hand with both of hers and started gnawing on his knuckles for comfort. It didn’t hurt. It was more like... a love bite.
“You’re so feral,” he said weakly. “I love that about you.”
Power interrupted his thoughts without an ounce of care for the romantic moment he was trying to have over here, seriously, what the hell Power? Or should I say: what the Hell, Power?
Punch me.
Anyways, she interrupted to scream, “Verilye, I see-eth a devile approachinge! ‘Tis the demon of Darkness! FORSOOOOOOOTH!”
Her all-caps scream was strong enough to shake buildings. Strong enough to shatter glass. So strong, in fact, that when she tried to speak next, all that came from her lips was a pathetic coff and a small spatter-cloud of blood. Instead of panicking about her ruined vocal chords, she instead frantically cupped her hands in front of her to catch the blood spray and began licking it up like a wild dog.
Hehe. Dog. Violence wondered how Winter the Dog was doing.
Wait, dog? That reminded him: he had a job to do!
“Kobeni, follow me!” he said heroically, grabbed her hand and yanking her along.
The Darkness Devil was approaching, but he had no time to worry about that. Violence bolted in the other direction. Fast Food was right there in the distance! Its distinctive chicken-nugget shape and the worms that protruded from its not-yet-a-carcass meant it could be no one else!
“Where are we going?!” Kobeni shouted.
“I’m going to save you! From the devil of Fast Food!” he replied.
“What? Why?!”
He turned his head to look at her even as he kept running and gave her a beaming grin that she definitely couldn’t see due to the mask. “So that we can stay in Public Safety forever!”
“I don’t want to!” she squealed.
Violence skittered to a halt.
He stared at Kobeni, all five-foot-one of her, panting for breath and looking at him with as much shock as if he’d shown her his extra pair of eyes.
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“I don’t want to stay in Public Safety. I hate it here.” She hugged herself, looking around with terror. “My job keeps getting me in places like this! I don’t want to stay! I just want to be happy somewhere safe. I want to get away from my family and maybe adopt a pet fish or something.”
Violence stared at the earnest, sniffling girl before him.
He took her hands in his with gusto.
“I want that too!” he said. “I want to be safe with you, Kobeni! I want to get married and have exactly 2.1 children with you in order to ensure that the fertility rate stays above population replacement levels! I want a fish, too! I’ll name it Hiro!”
At that, she giggled a bit despite the tears still streaking down her face. “That’s funny, I used to have a partner whose name started with Hiro.”
“Really? Me too!”
“What?”
“What?”
What?
Kobeni shook his head. “Violence, I don’t think I want that.”
“Why not?” he asked. “I know you like boys.”
“I... guess? I mean, I know I’m not a lesbian, so I guess I have to like boys. Like, when I look at those assassins from China, all I feel is rage. I don’t even want one girlfriend and all of them want four? That’s so selfish and weird. I mean, I have nothing against lesbians, but four partners? I don’t even understand why anyone would want one.”
He shook his head. “But you’re an arrow ace, aren’t you? You have to like boys!”
“Aro... ace?” She spaced out for a moment. Violence waved his hand in front of her face for a moment, and she didn’t react.
This was a true BSOD.
Thirty-two seconds later, she returned to herself. “You’re right! I AM aroace! Oh my goodness, Violence! I never even thought that was an option for me, but you’re right! I don’t have to like boys or girls! I can just be Kobeni! Alone!”
“What?” he eked out.
“Violence, I love you! Platonically!” The smile she gave him then was more dazzling than any he’d seen before.
He didn’t know what to do.
“But we were supposed to have an epic romance and stuff?” he asked.
“Violence,” Kobeni said with a light, beautiful little laugh. “I could never see you that way. And it’s not just because I’m aroace. You’re barely a person, you know? You’re just a monster puppetting someone’s husk.”
“But the husk loves you.”
“It doesn’t matter,” she said. Now it was her turn to squeeze his shaking hands. “You’re not even supposed to be alive. I’m pretty sure you’re some kind of science experiment, and I love you, but your creation was a mistake.”
“But I don’t want this,” he pleaded. “Winter said...”
She shook her head, playfully putting her finger under his mask to shush his lips.
“You weren’t meant for this life,” she said softly. “But you’ve done me a great service, Violence. I’ll never forget this. And now that you’ve set me free... do you want me to set you free, too?”
“Please,” he said weakly, against the callused flesh of her thin, fragile finger. “I’m yours, Kobeni, in whatever way you’ll want me. But you’re right. This life wasn’t meant for me. We can’t be together like this, so let me die. Let me be free of Fast Food forever.”
She could break so easily. He wanted to protect her.
He couldn’t.
Kobeni pulled him in for a hug. She was so short that his whole bird-mask and head fit above hers.
Why wouldn’t she let him protect her?
“It’s okay now,” she whispered. “Be free, sweet ‘lence of mine.”
“I will,” he said. “I’ll find you in my next life. I’ll love you all the same, even when my memories are gone.”
“Please don’t,” she said sweetly.
With that, she sunk her knife into his heart.
It didn’t hurt one bit.
Violence was in the snow-world again, naked as a baby and pillowed by the beauty of winter.
“Huh,” said Winter’s disembodied voice. “My experiment is done now. You’ve proven me right: you and Kobeni can never be happy together.”
“Mommy,” he mumbled. “You lied to me.”
The dog ambled in front of him, then sat down. It scratched the back of its ear with its hind leg. “No, I didn’t. You’re just a freak.”
“I love her,” he moaned.
“It’s okay, you won’t even remember this a week from now,” it said.
“I want to remember. I never want to forget her.”
“It’s too late,” said the dog. “I’m already putting you into another fic. And this one might even be written by the real Winter instead of some weird lark.”
“Are you not the real Winter? Is Santa Claus a lie?” he asked, sitting up to look at the dog.
It regarded him with cold neutrality in its doggy eyes. “No, that one’s real. You met her, remember?”
Oh, right. He did!
But the brief joy of remembering was soon overtaken by the bitter sorrow of remembering. (Other things, that is. (Kobeni, that is. (His lost love, that is. (Lost as in she didn’t love him, that is. (Technically, he was the lost one between the two of them, that is.)))))
“Why did you let this happen to me?” he asked. Pleaded. Begged, maybe. Or maybe not.
“Why does anyone do anything?” the dog asked. “I adore you, Violence. I told you this. And those whom I adore... get the torchure chamber.”
“That’s not how torture is spelled.”
“Hush, my child. Sleep now, and awaken in another life, another world. You will see her again.”
He would?
“You will,” the dog confirmed. “Now rest. Rest, so that the experiment may continue. Rest, so that you may love again. Rest, and let peace find you.”
“Is she okay?” he asked suddenly. “I can’t rest until I know that she’s okay.”
“Yes,” the dog said warmly. Finally, it looked happy, but the author doesn’t know enough about dog body language to convey that in text. “In fact, this is the first fic I’ve found where she ends up happy. You let her accept herself, and now she’s run away to live on a tropical island. She’s sipping smoothies, Violence.”
“Smoothies...” he said, all four eyes widening. “The ultimate drink of relaxation...!”
“She’s finally okay. And it’s all thanks to you.”
“Then let me rest, sweet spirit of Winter. Let me be quiet for a while. Let this world lay dormant ‘til the snow melts and the bodies start to rot. Then, and only then, I will return, satisfied, and find my place next to her again in the cycle of violence that forms our lives.”
“That was almost poetic,” it said. “That’s why you’re my favorite, Violence. Close your eyes.”
And so he did.