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The sound of raindrops hitting against the buildings was a constant noise throughout the day.
Jakurai grabbed an umbrella before leaving his house, already feeling the slight tremble in his hands. He sighed quietly. This day was going to be something.
Upon entering the hospital he noticed a couple of stray raindrops having clung to his hair. The corners of his lips lifted at the sight. How clumsy. He shook his head as he went on to start his day,
He felt weirdly… distracted. He listened to his patients, gave them advice and prescribed medicine, but his mind seemed to be drifting off to somewhere else. Like he wasn’t really present.
A pang of guilt pricked his heart. He should be paying attention. It was his duty as a doctor.
Maybe he was dehydrated? He took a sip of water. Sometimes he forgot his body required a certain set of molecules in order to work properly.
The day was over before he could fully register that it had even started. He let out a small yawn. The rain droplets kept hitting against the busy streets of Shinjuku.
It’s probably the weather , he thought to himself. Because the sunlight wasn’t getting through the clouds, his body kept producing melatonin. Hence the sleepiness.
Human body was truly fascinating in how the most simple of factors affected it.
He gathered his things before leaving his office. He headed towards the patient’s room.
‘Good evening, Yotsutsuji,’ he greeted upon entering. ‘Have you been well?’
The silence echoed throughout the room, and Jakurai knew he was foolish for having expected an answer. He asked the question every single day regardless, hoping one day he’ll hear a familiar voice in response.
‘You wouldn’t like today’s weather,’ he said, sitting at the chair beside his bed. ‘You’d need twice the amount of coffee you usually drink. You should cut down your caffeine intake, you know? That’s probably why you can’t sleep at night.’
The smile on his face wavered. His thumb brushed against Yotsutsuji’s hand. His skin was way too pale, and Jakurai really wished he would open his mouth and make a snarky remark, or scream at him, or laugh, just do anything .
‘Ahhh… I assume you wouldn’t want to heat an old man’s nagging,’ he laughed awkwardly. His gaze shifted towards the flowers standing in the vase on the night table. They wilted. He’ll need to get fresh ones tomorrow. ‘Get better soon. I miss you. I’m sorry I couldn’t prevent all this.’
He cradled his fingers through Yotsutsuji’s hair. He didn’t dare leave a kiss on his forehead. Yotsutsuji was getting too old for this. Besides it’s not like he had the right to. A parent’s duty was to protect their child. If Jakurai didn’t fail as a parent, they wouldn’t be here right now.
His lip wobbled. He dug his teeth into its flesh, a vivid taste of skin intruding his mouth.
It must be the weather , he reassured himself. He adjusted Yotsutsuji’s hair one last time, before deciding it was time to head back.
He left the hospital and stepped directly into the puddle. He flinched, as the cold fabric of trousers stuck to his calves. Some of the water got into his shoes. He let out a quiet sigh. He really shouldn’t be this careless.
The late traffic was causing him a weird sense of irritation. Usually he didn’t get bothered by such trivial matters, but this evening everything seemed to be throwing him off.
He could really use a shower right now.
The rain droplets hit against the pavement, and Jinguji Jakurai was slowly starting to get annoyed with the sound.
Once he finally managed to arrive home, he immediately took off his shoes and wet socks, frowning at the way his feet left imprints on the floor. He quickly put on his slippers and headed towards the bathroom.
His body trembled, and all of the sudden he felt exhausted. The material of his shirt was too heavy to lift, his knees bent on their own underneath the weight of his bones, muscles and fat.
He supported himself on the wall. He knew perfectly well that if he doesn’t shower right now he won’t find the strength to shower at all.
He carefully lifted his shirt and allowed it to fall to the floor. Trousers and boxers followed it soon after. He’ll pick them up later. Probably. He sighed quietly before entering the shower. Warm water poured out of the shower head, its sound meshing well with the white noise of the downpour hitting against the buildings and busy streets outside. It streamed down his back, washing out the impurities of the day. Alongside sweat and dirt Jakurai felt himself melting away like glue. With each drop of water hitting against his skin he could feel his lips wobble, his arms shake, his legs tremble, until there were actual tears dripping down his cheeks, mixing with the shower water and the outside rain.
His knees buckled, and he fell down to the floor, shower head falling out of his hand. The stream of water hit him in the face, and although the scene would normally seem comedic, it felt like being slapped. His fingers tangled in his hair as he felt his chest tightening. A silent sob left his throat.
He really wanted to disappear.
He took a trembling breath, repeating well-known lines he had memorised in case of such situations with his patients. They didn’t seem to be working. Were they also ineffective when he directed them at their patients? Was he that terrible of a doctor? Was he only causing his patients more anxiety with his stiff, unempathetic phrases?
This weather truly was terrible. He needs to start supplementing vitamin D. That was probably the cause of his recent mood depletion. He’ll need to remind Doppo and Hifumi that they should start taking it as well.
He picked up a shower head with a trembling hand, forcing himself to wash up. Everything was better after cleaning oneself. He took a shower in a bit of a daze. He could only hope he didn’t accidentally use regular soap to wash his hair, or that he washed out the conditioner thoroughly. He wiped himself dry, changed into his sleeping clothes, dried his hair and had a light meal before heading to sleep. He wrapped his arms around a spare pillow, pushing his face into its soft material.
He really hoped the weather would clear up soon.