Work Text:
This wasn’t going as planned.
Every few weeks or so, the former “Team Chris is Really Really Really Really Hot” would meet somewhere, just to catch up with each other and talk about their lives post-game.
These were usually coordinated by Owen, and so, said meetings would take place around his apartment. He had more than enough space for everyone, even having Noah move in with him as recently as a few months ago, making sure they had the place in the best condition before the others came over.
At this time, the group was huddled up in the living room, sitting side by side on the couch, talking away about how things had been going for them.
Alejandro had recently moved out of his family’s house.
Duncan was still on probation.
Izzy had apparently gotten the RCMP to chase after someone else, tricking them into thinking they were her.
Noah and Owen were auditioning for another game show. This time around, it was a cooking show. Maybe that wouldn’t put their lives at risk.
Tyler had gotten into table tennis. He offered to demonstrate, but everyone would rather the windows stay intact.
The sharing circle went on, and on, with no sign of stopping…
…Unfortunately, a certain someone wasn’t feeling up to par with their usual extroversion and energy that day.
Alejandro, having just moved out mere weeks prior, on top of everything else that came before, during, and after that, was feeling way, way too drained to keep up with every conversation happening at once.
He’d usually be able to enjoy it, handle it, even tolerate it, but not today, it seemed. He barely spoke with the others, only adding something every once in a while.
He could feel his head start to spin. He sat back down, leaning onto the couch, hoping a change of posture would make the feeling go away.
Maybe he just needed to relax? It had been a rough couple of months for him, after all. Hopefully, it was going to be over now, and today signalled the start of his rest.
Still, regardless of his adjustment, the nagging feeling in his gut wouldn't go away. That usually meant something that he really didn’t like to think about. He'd felt it time and time again in the past, and he didn't like the idea of it happening again.
He couldn’t crash out now!
Can’t it wait until I go home?
At least, there I can cry to myself…
A newfound sting worked its way into his chest. It was tight and uncomfortable, and it wouldn’t go away. It hurt.
Alone.
The pain was getting worse.
That’s how things are supposed to be now. Nobody else is there for me, and I can only rely on myself.
He slumped down further in his seat, like he was shrinking. He wanted to scream and cry so very badly. He felt so small at that moment, like it seemed to him that he was going to sink into the couch and disappear. Was that what he wanted?
Stop it!
Fog overtook his mind. He felt like he wasn’t even there anymore, trapped in his own head, he was terrified, losing himself, he didn’t know where he even was anymore!—
“…Hey… Hey! Earth to Alejandro!”
He’d retreated so far into his own mind, trying to avoid conversation, that he almost didn’t hear Duncan questioning him, quite loudly at that.
“Uhh… Oh? Yes!?”
Still snapping back to reality, his response came out more frantic than he’d wanted to.
No, stop that! Just talk to him, tell him what he wants to hear, and get it over with!
“What’s been up with you?” The punk questioned. “Something wrong?”
“…No. Not at all. Thank you for asking.”
“Hey, it’s no problem. Just wondering what’s been going on, y’know? You’ve been quiet lately.”
“I-I know. Not like me at all. I guess it’s just the stress of moving out finally getting to my head.”
Which was strange… He’d been planning this for quite a while, and he didn’t feel any sort of struggle then.
He’d wanted to move out for the longest time! It was one of the things he looked forward to as a kid, to finally get away from his family, to be on his own, like he should! He was a grown adult now…
…Right?
Then, why didn’t he feel that way?
It didn’t feel great.
Before Duncan had a chance to respond, he cut him off, prematurely ending the conversation.
“Actually… I need to clear my head. Gonna- Going to get water. Will be back.”
He figured if he was going to break down now, it wasn’t going to be in front of everyone else.
He could feel tears prick at the corner of his eyes already. That wasn’t good.
He rushed over to the kitchen to get some water to drink, as he’d said. Maybe it’d help. Refreshing himself, in a way, before he could get back to being his mature and talkative self.
Maybe that was all it was. Maybe I just need water. I’ll be back in no time!
Pouring himself a glass, then leaning, nearly stumbling and hitting his chin on the counter. He hurriedly stood back up in case anyone saw, then he took a few careful sips of his water.
Finishing his drink eventually, he found it didn’t help at all, having to wipe a few stray tears from his eyes. Not now!
I can’t show up like this!... Maybe they won’t notice if I stay here for a while…
…I should stay away from the others until I’m feeling better… Should be soon?…
He shook his his head, then turned to the floor, beginning to pace around the room—
—But soon after, he’d bumped into a familiar face.
“Ah, f—“
Noah.
He didn’t even realize he came into the room.
“Oh, uh… My bad. Are you okay?”
He wasn’t. He really wasn’t.
Could he tell him why?
No!
“I noticed earlier, Duncan said it too. You’ve been quiet. You don’t seem like you’re doing too well.”
“Mmm…. Uh…”
Cat got his tongue. Why did this keep happening? He was supposed to be good at conversation! Why was he acting like this?
Why won’t the words just come out!?
“…Do you want to talk about it?” Noah asked, tilting his head to the side.
“…Yeah, I want to.”
“Sure, sure. We can stay here for now,” he said, pulling two chairs out from under the table so they could sit down. “…Anyways, what’s been on your mind? I’ll listen first.”
Alejandro was still seemingly hesitant, as he wasn’t even completely sure about what was going on with himself… So how would he know?
Don’t get him wrong, he trusted Noah the most out of his former teammates. Despite their rocky history on the show itself, they had formed quite the close friendship over time.
Even during World Tour, Alejandro was curious about Noah as a person, and genuinely wanted to get to know him more. He was glad he got to do that after the show ended, with all the pressure of the game off their backs, and Noah having less reasons to retain his distrust of him. Guess that’s one thing these meetups were good for.
Despite agreeing to explain, it was like his free trial of speech ended there. He couldn’t even look Noah in the eye. He fidgeted in his seat, as his vision was blurred by tears, threatening to spill at any moment.
“Nnn… Don’t know…”
Noah’s expression shifted from one of confusion to concern. He hadn’t seen this before. It concerned him to see Alejandro, the one usually confident and elated, being so saddened… He just wondered over what exactly he was feeling upset over.
“Ale… It’s alright. Take your time.”
He put his hand on his shoulder, mimicking a behavior he’d noticed from him, in hopes it would somewhat comfort him. This wasn’t his strong suit, but he hoped it was enough.
He stared at his hand for a couple moments, which instantly caught his attention.
“Is— Is this okay? I can stop if you don’t want to be touched.”
Alejandro’s focus darted from his hand to his face, raising his head to him… And the first thing Noah noticed were the tears streaming down his face.
“Oh, I’ll… Take that as a no. I- I’m sorry, I’ll—“
Before Noah could finish what he’d wanted to say, Alejandro pulled him into a hug.
This shocked him, but he reciprocated, lightly patting his back as he heard the taller sniffle.
The dam had broken.
Alejandro let out a sob as he held Noah closer against him, like he was the only other person left in the world… Well, he basically was. After cutting contact with his family, he had nearly nobody but his former teammates.
Duncan and Tyler, he weren’t too close with at this time…
He felt… Rather strongly about Owen, not quite as much as when they were on Total Drama, but it still wasn’t the best…
And Izzy… Izzy was Izzy.
Noah was the one he trusted most, and he would’ve told him everything on his mind… Only if he knew exactly how to say it.
In between sniffles and cries, he tried his best to get his point across, but it was ultimately lost to his tied tongue.
Dios mío… Get it together! I have to stop blubbering like a baby, I know how to talk! I’ve gone through worse, and now I can’t even tell him about… This! Whatever it is!
This only served to make him even more upset, as he lightly pulled on the back of Noah’s shirt as a means to release more stress. He dug his face into his shoulder as well, muffling any more noise he’d make. He couldn’t let the others hear.
“Shhhh… Ale, it’s okay. You don’t have to tell me now. We can wait until you’re ready, hmm?”
He responded with a protesting whine, but he did stop muttering, only being able to hear sobs by then. He took that as a good sign, continuing to comfort him in the ways that he could.
“Mhm, just let it all out. You’re gonna be okay.”
He just let Alejandro cry onto his shoulder. At least he wasn’t Duncan, whose tears would stain due to his heavy makeup, or Owen, who would’ve blown his nose with his shirt as well, just for good measure.
He held him closer, as he continued to rub circles on his back, occasionally pausing to move his hair out of his face. He noticed that his heartbeat had quickened.
Noah just wished Alejandro would be alright. He’d soothe him for as long as he needed…
…Which was something he never thought he’d think about. He was usually the more apathetic and uninvolved one, and suddenly feeling the urge to care for someone in this way felt quite jarring to him.
But it wasn’t bad. He was just doing the best he could.
After a while of this, Alejandro seemed to calm down, as his breathing stabilized, and his previous death grip had loosened into simply leaning onto the shorter.
He coughed to clear his throat, fully catching Noah’s attention when he started to speak.
“I’m… It’s just that… Things. I don’t get it.”
“Uh-huh?… What don’t you get?”
Alejandro let go of Noah. His eyes were still watery, but he was stable, and that was good.
“Don’t understand... Don’t know why I keep crying. So hard to talk for no reason. I feel stupid.”
His speech was broken, but it was coherent enough for Noah to understand.
“Hey man, I get it. It's alright. It’s not stupid at all. It just happens.”
“…You too?”
“Yeah, me too. It’s no big deal most of the time, you’re probably just tired… Moving out has got to be stressful. Trust me, I’d know.”
Alejandro would sniffle, wiping his tears away from his eyes. He exaggerated his pout, shifting in his seat.
“Yeah… It was. But I’ve gotta deal with it like… Like a grown up! I’ve got to be mature now, Noah!…”
This felt oddly familiar to Noah, but he wanted to let Alejandro tell him more before he jumped to conclusions.
“We all process things differently, and that’s okay… Take your time to go through it.”
“Shouldn’t be cryin’ so much… I feel like a baby!”
“Shhh, don’t say that.”
“I’m being honest! Sometimes… I do feel like I’m... Smaller, in a way. I know, it’s… It sounds…”
Noah could hear the gears in his head click.
That’s what it was?
No wonder. Poor little guy.
“Ale, it’s okay. And if I were to say something about it, that would make me a hypocrite.”
“What?…”
“By smaller, you mean younger, mhm?”
“Yes! That’s way closer than what I said!…”
Alejandro excitedly clapped his hands, happy to be closer to an explanation… Until it dawned on him how silly it sounded on paper.
“…Is that a bad thing?”
“Hey, you can deal with things however you’d like, as long as it makes you feel better,” Noah would say, ruffling Alejandro’s hair.
“It’s a bit silly… Is it weird?
Alejandro, despite liking the touch, immediately flattened his hair back down as soon as Noah’s hand was off.
“No… At least, not in a bad way. That aside, I feel like that too, sometimes.”
His eyes widened.
“Really?… You?”
Noah shrugged. “What do you think happened back in New York?”
Ohhh. That… Sorta makes sense.
“Ohh… When you were sad on the plane? And I was talkin’ to you?”
At least Alejandro seemed more open to conversation now, knowing Noah knew how he was feeling, reassured that it was alright. He’d even stopped crying and sniffling.
“…Yes, that. I also did it when I first moved in with Owen. I already told him what happened back on the plane, so he knew what he was doing. Thank goodness for him.”
He just hoped he knew what he himself was doing. He’d figure it out eventually.
“Ah, Noah! Do you know more? Wanna know!”
“Yeah, sure… Let me remember. If my memory doesn’t fail me, it’s called ‘regression.’ It’s when someone reverts to a younger age, a time earlier in their life. Could be for a multitude of reasons… But I assume you did it out of stress?”
“Mmmm… That makes sense!”
“There’s more about it on the internet, if you’d like to learn more. Just be careful.”
“Okay then! Thanks, Noah!”
Alejandro grinned at him. It felt genuine enough to Noah, causing him to smile back. This only made Alejandro’s smile wider, getting him to start giggling.
“Noooaaah! You smiled! You should do that more!”
Noah responded with a soft laugh. You would’ve had to hunt him down to have him admit he found that adorable. Maybe he’d take that advice, who knows?
“Speaking of that, my bad if this is a weird question, but how old do you reckon you are? I’d like to know just in case.”
He wanted to know so he could understand more about how it was for him, as well as to get a grip on how to behave. He didn’t want to get too technical with the little guy. Probably also to help him ease into a better headspace.
Alejandro took a moment to count on his fingers, hesitating at certain numbers before seeming to light up, holding up six fingers.
“Hm, gotcha.” He noted, then glanced between Alejandro and the distant vision of the other room. “Do you… Feel okay enough to go back?”
Alejandro always found a sense of comfort around Noah, and this was only intensified by his current headspace. He was one of his best friends, and this would only bring them closer.
“We stay! Please?…” Alejandro would beg, giving him puppy dog eyes. Noah wouldn’t have said no anyway.
“Sure then, we can stay. I don’t think Owen would mind.”
He didn’t mind much, either. He figured since he was new to this, just having been told what it even was, it’d be better for him to process with less people around.
“Okay, if you say so!” Said with a smile, as he kicked his feet under the table. The other smiled back.
The silence was barely kept for a minute before Noah turned to him, trying to get his attention. He started to speak as soon as he could tell he was going to listen.
“…Actually, Ale, I first went in here to get myself a snack… Do you want something to eat as well?”
“Ooh, yeah! I, uhhh… Hmm…”
“Yeah? What is it?”
“Do you… Hm, do you have cookies?”
“Think so. They’re at the very top shelf, though…” He sighed, looking up at the highly placed cupboards. “Could you grab that stool in the corner? Usually it’s Owen who has to get these for me.”
Alejandro pushed it over to him, Noah briefly thanking him before stepping onto the stool, then onto the counter. Why did Owen have his shelves so high up? Probably a design flaw, or maybe Noah was just short. Who knew?
“Okay, now... You take the jar. I need both my hands to get back down,” Noah explained, placing said jar onto the counter. Alejandro happily took it and placed it on the table, unscrewing the lid and taking out two cookies.
“This one is for you, aaaaand… One for me!”
As soon as Noah got down from the counter, he sat back down beside him, accepting said cookie.
“Thanks, Ale.”
“You’re… You’re welcome! Yeah.”
Before he took a bite out of his cookie, though, he stopped, seeming like he was thinking about something.
“Hmm… Can I have a glass of milk too, please?”
“Gotcha, lil man. I’ll have to pass, though.”
Noah got back up to check their fridge. Sure enough, they still had some milk left. He hoped Owen hadn’t drunk out of this carton.
“Because… It makes you feel sick, right?”
He tilted his head. He always noticed that for the most part, he’d avoid anything that had milk in it.
“Yeah. That. I’d rather not have that today.”
He would get Alejandro a glass, pouring out some milk for him. Alejandro happily accepted the glass, taking a long gulp, then erasing the resulting milk mustache by licking his lips.
Widely grinning at the other, he set his glass down. “Okay, then! Thank you!”
“You’re welcome, eel. Little eel…?” Noah teased, raising an eyebrow at him to observe his reaction, which Alejandro immediately displayed by swatting a hand at him.
“Noooaaaaahhh! Stoooooop!...” Alejandro was obviously embarrassed, his other hand hovering over his face, but he couldn’t hide his growing fondness for the nickname. He was giggling like a madman.
“Yeah, little eel. Little guy.” Noah noticed this and pressed further.
“I’m still taller! You had to step on the counter to get the cookies!” Continuing the banter, pointing an accusing finger at the other.
He smirked, rolling his eyes. “And you were the one to retrieve them?”
“I don’t know your house!”
“Yeah, yeah, sure.” He would crack a smile. “You’re still Alejandro, after all. You still make me do things because I’m shorter.”
“Do not!” He denied, which got an exasperated sigh out of Noah.
“Even if you don’t say it… You just did a few minutes ago.”
Alejandro huffed, bunching up his eyebrows and curling his lip, turning his head away from Noah.
“Yeah, go ahead. Pretend to be offended. It’s adorable.” He badly attempted to repress a laugh, letting out a snort instead. This, in turn, caused Alejandro to begin giggling, breaking his facade of offense. Noah began to laugh as well.
“Hey now, what’s so funny? I thought you were mad at me just five seconds ago.”
“Noooothiiiing…”
He lightly poked him on the nose then pulled him closer to ruffle his hair, while Alejandro wrapped his arms around him, and soon the other returned the favor. Noah was more physically affectionate than he seemed to be. No wonder he spent a lot of time around Owen.
“You’re a silly little guy. Silly eel.”