Chapter Text
You laid down in bed staring at the ceiling. It's been years since what happened. 5 years straight without seeing Lyra. She's been gone for so long that you long the feeling of her hands wrapped around your body because of that you've accepted the fact she was gone. The picture frame next to you showed Lyra and Connie. The middle of the photo was cut off where Toby and Frank was supposed to be.
It made you sick thinking of what it looked like in its original form. Reminded you on what happened that night. Toby the boy who you tried to forgive until ultimately humiliating him in broad news. Frank was no exception, Connie had the courage to tell you how he was. That horrible temper that he let out towards Connie. You hated him laying a hand on your mom. She's not your real mom but she was more of a mom towards you then your own mother. She didn't judge you when you told her the truth about what Toby had done to you because of that she advised you to go seek a therapist to help with your mental health. Though you know she still loves her son even going as far to sometimes not accept it after what he had done. Bastard didn't deserve her love unlike you. She was always there to comfort you.
That's what you love about her
A yawn escaped your mouth before your feet hit the cold floor. You stared at the photo one last time before placing it down just to not see that photo of Lyra.
You stepped out your room, walking down the stairs to see Connie sitting in the table almost like she was holding back tears.
"Are you okay mom?" Your eyebrows furrowed, giving her a sad expression. You didn't like seeing Connie sad. It made you sad seeing her like that
Connie raised her head wiping a few tears in the process. Her eyes were red. She was crying and you could easily see that she was. A pit formed in your stomach seeing her eye bags become bigger throughout the years past by. Poor women, lost both her children and her husband in the process. No mother should go through what she went through.
She nodded her head before bursting in tears. You stared at her for a while before sitting across from her, holding her hand as tears slid down the bridge of her nose.
"What's wrong?" You bit the inside of your cheeks, trying your best to comfort her.
"It's just–" Connie paused midway trying her beat to not choke out a loud sob. "When I went to visit Lyra's grave last week. I saw that there was flowers already there." Lyra's grave. You never dared to go there without Connie, scared that one day you'll break out in tears just by seeing it. A reminder that she's gone and particularly worm food right now. Insects consuming her rotten flesh as she laid there motionless. New flowers were always placed down her grave by you and Connie. Ever since what happened Connie has formed a habit of placing flowers for Lyra a̶n̶d̶ ̶T̶o̶b̶y̶
You let out a sharp sigh "What's wrong about that?" The TV played in the background showing the local news. You hated hearing it because every year they would play that video of what you said to Toby after the disaster. You were 15 years old when you said that and because of that every year you were constantly reminded about it.
A small part of you was embarrassed by how vulnerable you were.
"Do you think it was Toby who gave her that flowers?" Your grip on her hands loosen a bit by hearing those words escape her mouth.
"Mom he's dead. Toby is dead, there is no way he could have survived that fire and even then he wouldn't be able to survive that long without accidentally heating up." Just by saying that the TV showed the recording of what you said 5 years ago.
"I'm glad that your dead. you fucking fa–"
You turned off the TV
"Connie, Toby is dead. There's no possible chance of him being alive." You pushed the chair before sitting across from her again.
"I know it's just I miss him. I miss him and Lyra so much." You frown hearing her say that. It made you just want to stay and have your arms around her just so she would stop crying.
Tears continued to stream down her face making it slightly puff up by how long she had been crying. A small chuckle escaped her mouth making you confused.
"Sometimes I wondered what was going on in your head for you to say that." Your cheeks heated up feeling embarrassed on what you said before.
"Well–uh, it was the heat of the moment so that's why I said that." You gave her an awkward smile as you heard her chuckle a bit as tears rolled down her cheeks.
It made you smile hearing the sound of her laughter echo through the house. So long that you've heard her laugh. There was a point that you forgot what she sounded like when she chuckled. Lyra would have been happy to see her mom laughing. She's your mom even if she's not your real one. Your real mom is with your dad right now doing God knows what. You've never been in contact with her after the fire but you didn't care. All that matters is that you were here with Connie helping her cope with the loss of her family that took years to build only for it to crumble in a matter of weeks like nothing.
Connie always made sure to be there with you even when you didn't need her she would always be there by your back just to help you. Sometimes you would be embarrassed seeing how clingy she was towards you whenever you saw her pick you up from school after she had told you, you can walk with your friends
She just didn't want the same thing to happen to you. It made you happy seeing that she cared about you so much even more than before.
"I should get going mom or I'm gonna miss my appointment." You gave her a toothy smile before letting go of her hands. Connie smiled back at you as she waved a small goodbye at you. Sometimes she stares at her past photos of what her family was like whenever you leave her alone. Its unhealthy but it's her way of coping and you know that.
The clock ticked as the room was filled with the pencil making contact with the paper. You just laid there staring at the ceiling light, blocking out the static noises from the air conditioner. Your body shivered a bit from how cold the room was. The smell of the room reminded you about the hospital that you stayed for a few days before finding out tha Lyra was dead. You miss her every day. Lyra rogers who died at the age of 19 who would have been 24 years old right now. This year your finally older than her.
"Our appointment is about to end in about 15 minutes." You heard her mutter under her breathe. Your therapist Mary jones was one of your friends mom. Almost every month you would seek her out just so you can feel like someone was talking to you. Your friend Abigail recommended you seeked her mother's help so that you can get a small discount to save a bit of cash. You've been friends with Abigail ever since you moved in with Connie. She was a nice girl but sometimes she would come out as annoying whenever you spend too much time with her. It's better than having an annoying friend than none.
"I know Mary." You rubbed your eyes, letting out a sigh. What's worst that her mother was a bit of an asshole who saw what you said in the news. Every time you felt like she was judging every year when the local news reminds what happened 5 years ago.
Mary gripped onto her pencil before letting it go. She stared at you as you laid there motionless like a dead body who was waiting to get sinked by the earth. "Well i've came to the conclusion that you experienced a few symptoms of stockholm syndrome as well as PTSD." She paused for a bit, biting her lip in the process. "It's a surprise that you managed to heal a few parts of you before it got worse. You saw your cousin Lyra d-"
You shot her a glare, looking annoyed at her for mentioning Lyra. Mary cleared her throat becoming quiet once she saw you glare at her, "You don't have to mention her every fucking time. I know she's dead, Mary. You don't have to keep on telling me." You hated that she always mentioned Lyra. It felt like she was mocking you whenever you had a session with her. Every time she would find a way to remind you that Lyra is dead. 6 feet under being consumed by the ground as she rots. A flower staying in her grave was the only thing you were able to give her without tearing up.
"I'm sorry. That was unprofessional of me to keep on mentioning her. I should have known you didn't want to talk about her." You stared at her before turning your head away.
"Its fine. I should get going now." You muttered under you breathe as you gathered yourself to the door. "Goodbye Mary." You waved her a goodbye before she stood up from her chair.
"Wait our session isn't over yet. We still have 5 minutes le-"
You closed the door. It was already over when you stepped foot in that office and let her talk about Lyra. She could talk all sort of shit about Toby but you didn't like it when someone who didn't even know that Lyra existed was talking about her,