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Hundreds of years ago, the sight of a pair of adventurers poring over a map in front of a tavern might have inspired intrigue and a sense of grand adventure. At the very least, outlanders were given a wide berth to do outlandish things.
Unfortunately for Kakyoin and Polnareff, the twenty-first century had little kindness for two teenagers crowded around their phones in the middle of the sidewalk, and everyone entering and exiting Joestar & Co. made sure they felt it in every single dirty side-eye.
“Kakyoin? Perhaps we should go inside to figure this out?”
It wasn’t that Kakyoin was annoyed by Polnareff’s suggestion. It was that Kakyoin was on a mission, and they needed to properly investigate instead of barging in and making a scene in the wrong place.
To be clear, it was absolutely Joestar & Co. What Kakyoin needed to figure out was if the dented brickwork of Joestar & Co. matched the small peek in @s_plat_eats’ most frequent photo—a drink held in front of a cafe door with damaged bricks on the side, the only café he’d never shared the name of despite posting about it every week—and that was nothing short of a life-or-death matter.
Well. Kakyoin was probably being dramatic, but the important thing was that he was very much enjoying working at Brews & Bites. And Dio had made it quite clear that if they didn’t get more business, newer hires would be the first cut, and Kakyoin couldn’t have imagined anything worse.
Every moment in Dio’s café had a lovely haze to it, dreamlike and hidden. Kakyoin felt like he truly belonged there, weaving between the tables topped with black lace and tiny coffins holding sugar packets, singing along to the emo playlist Vanilla put together in middle school while Enyaba yelled at him to sweep faster, pouring Dio his evening Fangria. He was someone besides a prim honor student or the accomplished but distant son, and Dio had been the one to give Kakyoin his place.
Kakyoin owed it to him to make sure Brews & Bites was saved, and Polnareff owed it to Kakyoin for making him cover his shifts so often, and together they’d hatched the perfect plan that hinged on one user by the name of @s_plat_eats.
Well... Perfect was a bit of a stretch. The four steps were simple: find incredibly popular local influencer, entice him to post about Brews & Bites, ???, profit. They’d just gotten caught up on actually finding him. He’d gone viral based on a reflection of his ridiculous biceps in the glass of his pufferfish’s aquarium and his posts about local cafés had caused a huge boost in sales, but he’d never shown himself. And though s_plat had never seemed enticed by requests, Kakyoin had to try.
So there they were: standing outside Joestar’s, studying pixelated bricks, and praying they were in the right spot so s_plat would be there and listen to their demands. As if to help verify, an older man leaving the café turned to look at where they were staring—except instead of continuing on his way, he broke out into boisterous laughter and thumped Polnareff’s back.
“I see you two are out here admiring my handiwork!” As if Kakyoin’s life wasn’t enough of a fever dream already, he pulled a set of clackers out of his pocket and swung them around. A quick glance confirmed the man was a match for the owner, the same one smiling with his family in the poster fixed to the window. Joseph Joestar himself.
“We were just about to step inside,” Kakyoin said with perfect politeness. He refused to have his mission end early over a loitering charge. “We wanted to make sure we were in the right place.”
“If you’re looking for true Italian-American coffee, then you definitely are!” Joestar slung his arms around them and herded them right to the counter. “Caesar! Two cappuccinos, on the house!”
Kakyoin had heard Joestar & Co. delivered a truly authentic experience, but he hadn’t been expecting a string of Italian cursing as “Caesar” started on a tirade while measuring out espresso beans. Two women came out of the kitchen and stepped around him, leaning over the counter to talk to Joseph.
“Excuse me,” Kakyoin tried, but the four adults had already settled into their conversation. There were a few raised voices (particularly from Joseph and Caesar), but Kakyoin’s chest didn’t tighten anxiously nor did Polnareff seem poised to escape. Joestar’s was clearly the kind of place that prided itself on being a family business, but it actually felt like one. Sometimes a family was two teenage boys, two and a half Italians, and a disproportionately large group of high school girls. Kakyoin was about to open his mouth again when—
“Will you all shut the hell up?!”
The crowd of girls suddenly parted to reveal another teenager sitting at the counter. Or rather, Kakyoin assumed he was also a teenager, given the school bag leaning against his leg and the science textbooks by his elbow, but he seemed as tall as Joseph. Kakyoin caught his eyes for a moment before he pulled the Joestar & Co. cap he was wearing lower over his eyes.
The silence only lasted a moment before things went right back to normal, if not louder. The girls shrieked, the regulars sipped their coffee, and one of the women behind the counter smiled with a bright, “okay, Jotaro!”
“Jotaro... Kujo?” The name slipped out before Kakyoin could stop himself. Kakyoin had felt like he’d seen him somewhere before, and that was when he realized he had—both outside on the poster, the skulking shadow of Joseph’s grandson, and also in school… once or twice. “I’m Kakyoin. We have a few classes together?”
“You sure?” Jotaro tilted his head back, the twinkle in his eye unwinding the knot in Kakyoin’s chest. With how often the delinquent skipped, Kakyoin truly wasn’t. Jotaro flicked the brim of his hat up and studied both of them. “You aren’t here for coffee.”
Caesar very slowly turned his head, grip tightening on the saucers holding two fresh cappuccinos. In twin understanding of self-preservation, Kakyoin and Polnareff accepted them fast, quick to compliment him on the masterfully formed foam. Polnareff lifted the mug to his mouth and busied himself with burning his tongue while Kakyoin took point on making sure Jotaro didn’t throw them out onto the sidewalk.
“It’s still very good. Grazie mille,” Kakyoin smiled. Caesar narrowed his eyes but seemed to approve. Kakyoin was keenly aware of Jotaro observing them as he and Polnareff glanced around.
Joseph, Caesar, and Jotaro might have all fit the bill in the muscles department, but they were looking for a customer, not an owner, and no one else around had the biceps. Kakyoin swallowed another mouthful of coffee and took a deep breath, letting the caffeine flow through him.
It was going to be a long day.
“Guess he’s not here, Kakyoin,” Polnareff managed to say around fanning his tongue. He looked at Kakyoin, eyes already a little red from the pain. “Please tell me an ice cream place is next...”
“Actually, we’re going to Fire & Spice.” Kakyoin set his cup down on the counter, remembering the most recent post from there: a plate of half-eaten pastries next to s_plat’s propped-up boots. His thighs in that post had been enough to make Kakyoin get up and do some lunges.
“Avdol’s place?” Joseph let out another loud laugh, lighting up at the news as he thumped his grandson on the back. “Jotaro, you should go with them! I’ve got a package for you to deliver.”
Jotaro opened his mouth, disagreement written all over his face, but the middle-aged woman whom Kakyoin was starting to suspect was Jotaro’s mother, despite her size, suddenly brightened up. Kakyoin knew the expression of a mom seeing her son in danger of socializing with kids his age all too well. “Jotaro! You should walk them over!”
Jotaro tugged the brim of his hat down, which seemed to be his way of saying yes, fine, good grief. Polnareff, helpful as ever, bounded over to hold the door open with an energetic salute—which Kakyoin was sure had nothing at all to do with the beautiful woman approaching the café.
Kakyoin rolled his eyes fondly and stuck by the counter while Caesar fetched the package, giving Polnareff more than enough time to shoot himself in the foot while he talked with Joseph about how Joestar’s had come about. It was funny to watch Jotaro’s huge frame try to fold in on itself with embarrassment out of the corner of his eye, same as any other teenager faced with the unrelenting humiliation of family pride.
It took great effort for Kakyoin to not immediately ask if Avdol was hiring as soon as they walked into Fire & Spice.
If he turned around and saw they’d been transported to the streets of Cairo, he wouldn’t have been surprised. The interior had a vintage air to it that reminded Kakyoin of Café Riche, but there were differences that must have been core to Avdol: the collections of old records and older books, the tarot posters, the ceiling painted like a blazing sunset. A bell rang as they stepped in.
“Coming!” The man who must have been Avdol stepped out and brightened considerably at the sight of Jotaro. He walked over, his jewelry clinking pleasantly as he approached. “Jotaro! I wasn’t expecting you today. Good thing I have a fresh batch of om ali, hm? Sit down, all of you!”
Avdol took the package from Jotaro and directed them to a window seat. Kakyoin was already anxious to move on, given that the café was empty besides the three of them, but Avdol returned with a tray piled high with sweets and coffee and they were all done for. The rich, nutty scent of the basbousa only had a moment to fill his nose before the florals and citrus of the om ali nudged their way in and then melted into the caramelized scent of four lattes. Kakyoin had been hoping for something more like the cinnamon and cardamom coffee s_plat had posted about before, but his eyes lit up when he realized what was so special about them.
“Is this what you convinced the old man to get you that contraption for?” Jotaro leaned back in his chair, hands in his pockets. Kakyoin marveled as Avdol offered him the second, picking up the cup to bring it closer to his eye.
Kakyoin had seen many different latte art designs from swirls to swans, but he hadn’t seen anything like the tarot cards printed into the foam of their lattes. The quality was incredible, down to the outfits of the little helpers nestled at the feet of the main figure of Kakyoin’s card: the Hierophant. Polnareff seemed excited enough to nearly spill his cup twice.
“Kakyoin, look! Isn’t it perfect?” He turned it toward Kakyoin, revealing the Chariot; Kakyoin didn’t believe much in fate or divination, but he had to agree it was uncanny that a fencer would end up with a portrayal of the chariot as being driven by a sword-wielding knight.
“It’s a good card,” Avdol intoned sagely, “especially at your age. Victory in overcoming obstacles, a desire to succeed...”
“Precisely what we need,” Kakyoin muttered. The sooner they solved this mystery, the better—easier said than done when the welcoming warmth of Avdol’s café was nearly lulling him to sleep. His eyes glanced over the other two designs, the Star and the Magician, and then he woke himself up by grabbing a piece of basbousa. He was pretty sure he tasted heaven when the flavor burst on his tongue. “Avdol, this is incredible. I promise you’ll be seeing me again.”
“Bring Jotaro with you next time! I don’t see enough of him,” Avdol laughed. He gave into Polnareff’s pestering before Kakyoin could let out the oh, we’re not... that he meant to, leaving him to sink deeper into his chair quietly. He glanced over at Jotaro, smiling when he caught sight of Jotaro snapping a picture of his cup.
“Camera eats first?” Kakyoin’s smile came easily. He almost felt like he’d been successful at a social interaction, but his true nature came even easier. “You know, that phrase is thought to originate in Hong Kong. It’s at least very popular there, and there are many conflicting ideas on whether or not it negatively affects food time rituals, but I’ve never thought it a bad thing to capture memories.”
His rambling was never more obvious for what it was than when it was followed by no response. Ah. Perhaps if they had time on the way to the next place, he’d throw himself into the river and pretend this never happened. Kakyoin set his cup down, intending to search for the nearest dangerous body of water when he noticed the corner of Jotaro’s mouth quirk up.
“Suppose not,” he said. Just two words had never felt so much like victory before. Not even you’re hired, which he actually wasn’t sure ever came out of Dio’s mouth. The hiring process had been kind of fuzzy, but thinking about it reminded him why they were even there.
“I’m sorry to interrupt, but Polnareff and I have to get going.” Kakyoin actually meant it, despite his usual amusement at the cartoonishly put-out face Polnareff pulled whenever he was interrupted, but they had a mission to get back to. Thankfully, Avdol wasn’t overbearingly disappointed, so they were back out on the sidewalk relatively quickly. Kakyoin’s hand went to his phone immediately, pulling up his own album of screenshots. He’d organized all of s_plat’s posts by location and ordered them by frequency, and the next was—
“Dark Brew Moon? I know that place.” Kakyoin jolted, completely unprepared for Jotaro to reach between them and point at the fish-shaped ice cream cone on the screen. He seemed to startle himself at his own enthusiasm and pulled back, tugging the brim of his hat down over his eyes. “It’s close. We can walk to it from here.”
Kakyoin’s protest died when he glanced to the side and saw Polnareff beaming with excitement. Jotaro’s eyes even had a hopeful glint to them, though that probably had more to do with the menu than anything else.
But perhaps, if Kakyoin allowed himself to think about it, a walk with friends might be nice.
Dark Brew Moon was busier than the other cafés they’d been to, a dreamy place that almost looked underwater with how many tanks were set into the walls. But even after three ice creams and a long intermission of Jotaro examining every tank to make sure all the fish were healthy, there was no sign of anyone resembling @s_plat.
“On to the next,” Kakyoin sighed, and somehow wasn’t surprised when Jotaro fell into step beside them. Polnareff shoved the tail of his cone in his mouth and leaned over for the next place, his eyes lighting up when he saw it was Marvelous Mindgames, a half-board game, half-video game café run by the D’arby brothers.
It was a long enough walk that they’d worked up an appetite by the time they got there, despite each complaining about how full they were. Kakyoin tucked into a corner table with a Risky Roll bowl while Polnareff chewed on a stack of Wager Waffles. Jotaro had his back to the café, working on a pizza while Kakyoin and Polnareff sized up the muscles of everyone inside.
“Kakyoin, this is a den of nerds,” Polnareff sighed. “Jotaro has the biggest biceps of anyone here. After me, I guess, but you follow me already! I’m an open book!”
He smiled widely while Kakyoin sighed. Polnareff certainly wasn’t wrong. He’d seen things in Polnareff’s close friends circle he’d never unsee.
He glanced down at his own phone, grimacing at a missed call from Dio. He hadn’t given them the day off to mess around and go on a grand tour. Kakyoin’s stomach felt queasy, but he swiped it away and went back to his food. He’d check in later, when he had an update.
At Shock & Paw, Kakyoin finally caved and asked the owner, Mariah, if she recognized anyone fitting the very limited description they had while Polnareff and Jotaro were both bombarded by cats. Quite a few had mistaken Polnareff’s hair for a climbing tower while a black cat nestled in Jotaro’s lap and played with the chain on his jacket. At least they were enjoying themselves, while he sipped on his Magnetic Macchiato and hit another dead end.
There was only one place left. LoveShot was close by, at least, but what was after that? Back to Joestar & Co., hoping s_plat would show up at the same time as them? Kakyoin was quiet, trailing behind the other two and refreshing s_plat’s profile obsessively.
He probably should have guessed from the name, but it hadn’t really hit him until they were through the door that LoveShot was a café for romance. Everything was couple themed with a fleet of tables for two set up for speed dating and matchmaking. Kakyoin didn’t even get his mouth open before Polnareff was gone, practically tripping over himself to ask one of the workers about their search… among other things.
“I—this is—” Kakyoin floundered, looking over at Jotaro in a panic. He’d pulled his hat down far, trying to make himself small like any girl in the café could miss the full height of him. They were going to have a mob on their hands soon, and Kakyoin didn’t have time for this. He didn’t have time for any of it. “I need air.”
He stumbled out onto the sidewalk, trying to gather himself and not look like a wreck. Kakyoin had this under control. He just needed to breathe and figure out a new plan. Maybe he could catfish s_plat. Or bribe him. There had to be something, it couldn’t end there.
“You alright?”
Kakyoin snapped his head up, surprised to see Jotaro standing there, offering him a box of Empress Macarons. He’d shoved two in his mouth before he managed to shake his head. His pride was crumbling.
“No,” Kakyoin said as evenly as he could manage. He’d meant to give a cover story that sounded way better, but suddenly everything was spilling out—how much Brews & Bites meant to him, the task he’d been set on, and how the impromptu tour Jotaro had unwittingly tagged along with was a pointless chase for @s_plat that they’d reached the end of. He even brought his page up, showing his phone to Jotaro. Of course the one singular Saturday s_plat wasn’t out was the one day they needed him. He still hadn’t posted.
“That’s who you’ve been looking for the whole time?” Jotaro’s face did something funny as he kept staring down at s_plat’s account, and after a long moment Kakyoin realized he was smiling. And not just smiling, but his shoulders shook with laughter, a sight Kakyoin only got to take in for a moment before he saw red.
“Could you have the common decency to not laugh in my face?!” Kakyoin stepped closer and jabbed his finger into Jotaro’s chest, and Jotaro made no move to stop him, only to pull his own phone out. “Not everyone has an entire family business to fall back onto. If I get fired because I can’t find him, I have nothing.”
He was too prideful to show it, but his heart squeezed at the thought of it: no more breaks playing cards with Midler, no more spirited debates about what vampire show was getting put on the café TV that week, no more biking home with Polnareff. It wasn’t much, and it wasn’t like he was going to work there forever, but it was his. Finally somewhere he felt like the people he was with were actually looking at him. He wanted to keep it.
But then Jotaro turned his phone toward Kakyoin, showing @s_plat_eats’ profile, and most importantly the little button beneath the bio marked edit.
Oh.
Kakyoin looked at the phone. He looked at Jotaro. He looked back at the phone, then at Jotaro, and felt his face flame bright red. God, Polnareff was never going to let him live this down.
“This is, perhaps, a bit awkward.” Getting in Jotaro’s face probably hadn’t been a great first impression, but he didn’t have any time to waste. He had the entire speech prepared, he had to remember how it started before—
“I could go to one more place,” Jotaro said. He snagged a lavender macaron and popped it in his mouth, tugging his hat down again. “Whenever you’re ready.”
Kakyoin opened his mouth for a moment and then closed it again, pressing his lips together in a wide smile. A quick glance inside told him they’d need another minute, but Kakyoin didn’t mind.
Victory tasted sweeter than any café treat he could have thought of.