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lying face down on the couch had become part of my daily routine after penny left me, so much so that sheldon had added it to his schedule. i guess he enjoyed the silence, because he'd always sit with me, typing on his laptop furiously.
the sound was comforting, sheldon was comforting somehow. i felt less alone, sometimes i had the urge to actually talk to him about how i was feeling but i know he'd probably find an excuse to leave, and then i really would be alone.
"leonard,"
"what?" i say, my voice muffled by the fact my lips were pressed firmly against the couch.
"this isn't fun anymore,"
"it used to be fun?" i ask, appalled yet not entirely surprised.
"yeah, the silence was nice but now i'm realising you may be developing clinical depression, i've been googling it and you're displaying many symptoms."
"aw, you were concerned about me? that's a first."
sheldon leaned over me and gave me an awkward pat on my head, "there, there leonard."
"don't try and comfort me like that, it was better when you weren't talking."
i finally flip over on the couch so i can see him, squinting at the light because i'd been lying face down with my eyes closed for so long. "you really think i'm depressed?"
"yes, i thought i'd inform you first before i refer you to your mother."
"NO!" i sit bold upright. "do not tell my mother, she'll make it sound like everything my fault, and then i'll be even sadder."
sheldon seems to sense how serious i am because he sighs, "the other possible explanation is that you're severely sexually frustrated and you need to engage in coitus."
he's probably right.
"yeah, right, because i've got women lining to have sex with me, that'll be easy to arrange won't it!" i went back to lying face down.
"i've been thinking about it, and i think your only logical option if you don't want to spend money hiring a prostitute is me."
he says it so matter of factly, i don't believe my own ears and i made him say it again.
"why are you so disturbed by this, leonard?" he says genuinely confused. "i just want you to be happy."
"because you're sheldon cooper, you've never had sex in your entire life, you're like an alien, do you even masturbate?"
"a lot more quietly then you do, leonard."
i feel my cheeks heat up, and i thank god i'm still face down on the couch.
"sorry," i say, quietly.
"it's natural leonard, now i need an answer because i'm scheduled to call amy in an hour and three minutes."
there's so many thoughts going through my head, but i'm so fed up of being sad all the time that if this has a chance of making me feel better, i'll give it a shot.
"fine, but just like.. tell me if your uncomfortable okay? i know you're not good with physical touch and this is a big step up from hugging me."
sheldon nods, still completely unbothered by the strangeness of this situation. he points to the hallway, "your room."
a small shiver runs down my spine, was he going to be this bossy the whole time if we went through with this? because i was nothing if not a hopeless submissive.
i lie down on my bed and sheldon lies on top of me, clearly forgetting how much taller and heavier he is than me.
"that hurts,"
sheldon smoothly rolls onto his side so he's lying next to me without complaint, strange considering who he was but i didn't hate it. our eyes lock and he glances pointedly from my eyes to my lips and back. "you want us to kiss?"
"i believe that is a necessary first step in relieving your sexual frustration."
"are you not scared about germs?"
"don't make me overthink this, i'm trying to help you." he gives me a patronising pat on the head and i slap his hand away and connect our lips.
it only takes a few seconds for sheldon to get the hang of kissing me, and he's annoyingly good at it. i slip my tongue into his mouth, still expecting sheldon to freak out and run to the bathroom to brush his teeth, but he doesn't.
he lets out a small moan of satisfaction, that makes my reservations about this situation evaporate to nothingness, like dry ice.
i pull sheldon on top of me again, and he's even more eager than i am, licking into my mouth as his hands begin to explore my torso.
i can feel his hands shaking a little, and i realise he's nowhere near as confident about this as he's pretending to be.
i wrap my arms around his neck in an action that i hope is reassuring, holding him close, and sheldon stops kissing me to give me a small, sweet smile. i almost forget about my dick throbbing in my pants for a moment because he looks so cute like this.
"do you feel ready?" he asks, gently, as his hand wonders further south.
"do i feel ready?"
sheldon's giving me so much eye contact it's impossible to look away as he scans my face as he runs a hand over my crotch.
i feel myself bite my lip and that brings a smug look to sheldon's face.
when sheldon finally gets my pants undone and stops marvelling at my reaction to his touch, both of us seem to realise we have no fucking idea what we're doing. i see the panic in sheldon's eyes for a second before he starts to move his hand.
he's barely moving his hand at all and it's driving me mad, i don't know if he's teasing me or genuinely just clueless, so i use my hand to guide him up and down at exactly the pace i need. and who is sheldon, if not a fast learner?
it turns me on so much, knowing i'm the first person sheldon has ever done something like this with, and i watch his face contort in concentration, like he's looking at a complicated maths equation he's close to solving. and he is close, so close, i'm so close already. small moans are escaping my lips and i'm panting like a pig.
sheldon's eyes meet mine again, he still looks so unsure.
"you're doing so well," i tell him, breathlessly.
this seems to put him at ease, and he starts looking at me with what i hope is lust, but could just be him feeling smug. his pupils are dilated, and he looks almost wild.
i'm so close.
"hey," i grab his hand as i can feel my orgasm becoming inevitable. "i don't want this to end yet."
sheldon nods, god he's so quiet, i don't get it but it's so hot. i want to kiss him.
i'm knocked off balance completely, both physically and mentally, when sheldon pulls me on top of him and begins to guide my hand to his erection.
"you like this, hmm?" is all i can think to say.
"don't tease me," he says in a deep, assertive voice that i'd never heard before. "it's my turn."
i was beginning to like this version of sheldon, a mix of confidence and cluelessness worked well on him.
"tell me if you want me to go to faster or slower or anything, okay?"
i don't know why i bother saying that, because of course he was gonna boss me around.
sheldon surprises me, he shoves my hand away and begins to thrust against me.
fuck.
i can feel the heat of him against me, the way his dick is twitching, the quiet moans escaping his lips, the way his face is contorted in pleasure, the way he's shaking slightly and his thrusts are uneven and erratic, is he close already?
"sheldon stop."
he stops immediately, looking at me with a look of pleading and desperation, he doesn't want to stop.
"i want us to come together, i want you to come inside me."
sheldon nods and clears his throat to compose himself, "i want to be inside you too."
i fumbled for the condoms and lube in my drawer, dropping both of them on the floor and sheldon laughs lightly and crawls off me to pick them up. what a weird version of sheldon i was so very blessed to encounter, no insult or complaints at all.
"are these going to be big enough for me? are they yours?"
i slap sheldon playfully and he laughs hysterically, "bazinga, your's isn't that small."
"funny."
any hint of humour is gone when sheldon slips a lube coated finger inside me, "fuck."
"language, leonard."
i guess sheldon only stops being bossy when he's being pleasured himself. noted.
he curls his finger and hits my prostate, a deep guttural moan comes out of me that i didn't even know i was capable of.
"you have to slow down," i take a shaky breath, "or i'm gonna come."
sheldon smiles smugly before returning to his tense, concentrated facial expression. before i can even warn him, i come all up my chest.
sheldon growls lowly and pulls out of me, "what the hell was that leonard?"
"i'm sorry- i'm sorry, it was the face you were making."
"my concentration face? really? if that gets you off so much how the hell do you survive seeing me at work?"
i laugh but sheldon is deadly serious, i shake my head as i realise that that is what i was feeling whenever i saw sheldon staring at his whiteboard.
"just, carry on.. please."
i'm surprised my sex drive hasn't been reduce at all, i felt like i could come again before he was even inside me if i wasn't careful.
he inserts a third finger this time, and it hurts a bit but i almost wonder if that was his intention. it backfires, because it just turns me on even more.
"are you ready? not gonna come again just because i looked at you?"
"fuck,"
he doesn't correct me this time, he just gently presses into me with a moan.
sheldon is so loud as he pushes into me slowly and back out again, trying not to hurt me but clearly desperate to move faster.
all it takes is a small push of my hips for sheldon to moan my name.
"that feels good, do it again." he practically orders.
"why you making me do all the work?"
but i'm not gonna kid myself, i just want to see sheldon come for me so badly.
he begins to thrust in and out of me in rhythm with the push of my hips.
a small niggling thought enters my brain, what the fuck am i doing? but it's soon demolished when sheldon moans loud enough i know every apartment in every direction heard it.
"leonard," he whimpers, "what are you doing to me,"
"rocking your w-" i try to say smugly but the feel of sheldon coming inside me knocks me over the edge myself.
sheldon pulls out of me immediately and flops down next to me, throwing the condom in the bin beside my bed. he's lying close to me, but i don't fail to notice that he's not touching me at all.
"do you regret that?" i ask quietly, my insecurity getting the best of me, as always.
"no," he looks at me for the first time again after he came, "were you think about penny the whole time?"
"what? no, were you?" i say, jokingly.
"yes, leonard. although i am intellectually superior to others, coitus isn't my specialty, i assume i wasn't performing to pennys standards, as she-"
i silence him with a kiss and he finally moves closer to me, every inch of his body was now against mine, i felt warm and comfortable and, oh shit, happy.
"you buddy, of course i was thinking about you." i say, lips brushing against his ear. i feel him harden against the inside of me leg.
"that's lovely leonard but i believe the title 'buddy' may be outdated by what we just did-"
i silence him again, this time with a firm hand over his dick, and he moans. he stay quiet after that, only small groans and whimpers leaving his lips.
i don't tease him, i don't want to, i want to see his face contort in pleasure as he spills all over my hand. this seems to work well for sheldon, he doesn't shut up or stop moaning for even a second.
i'm not even ashamed to admit i prefer sheldon vulnerable and completely at my disposal, as opposed to his usual bossy self. i actually loved the mix of both, it was such a contrast, one i didn't know was even possible.
"i like when you stop talking," i whisper in his ear. he laughs for a second but as i increase my hand movement it's quickly replaced by a small desperate whine.
he stills my hand and swallows, catching my eyes, "i want your mouth on me."
i bite my lip, surprised, "are you sure?"
"are you going to make me beg you?"
sassy sheldon is still here, then.
"i've never done this before so-"
sheldon shushes me, "i don't care." his face turns grave, "i'm so hard it hurts leonard."
he's so cute saying something that sounds so vulnerable yet, so, so dirty. i reach out to stroke his hair but he lightly shoves my head down and it makes me smile, impatient bastard.
i try to take my time, prolong the process, or maybe delaying it, i'm scared i'll be bad at it but sheldon isn't having any of it.
"leonard."
he's trying to sound assertive but yet i know i could make him beg me right now if i wanted to, and he would. i get a kick out of that, and i know i shouldn't but i sneak a shaky hand into my pants as i take the tip into my mouth.
i suck slowly, running my tongue up and down and around, trying to figure out what would feel good if i was doing this to myself.
sheldon moans, "more."
again, i want to tease him but i can't, i don't want to discourage him, i want him to moan like this forever. i thrust into my own hand desperately as i slowly but surely take all of him into my mouth, bobbing my head up and down in a way that feels so dirty i start blushing and feeling weird, but it's worth every second.
"leonard," he practically shouts, "leonard, swallow."
a small moan escapes my lips, i like the way he can still boss me around, he's so close and i'm even closer.
he comes down my throat and a gag a little, it takes only a few strokes for me to come in my boxers as well.
i regret it immediately, couldn't i have been more patient and waited for sheldon to hopefully suck me off? maybe he wouldn't today, but i hoped this would happen again.
i kiss my way up his torso to his chest, taking a nipple into my mouth for good measure, as sheldons chest rises up and down rapidly. i lean my ear on his chest to listen to his heart, and i'm satisfied to feel his heart is racing. i rocked his world.
sheldon grabs a handful of my hair and pulls my head up to kiss me harshly.
"do you want me to..?" he asks, shyly.
"i already um- y'know."
"you didn't wait?" he rolls his eyes. "well i guess that saves me a job."
i'm suddenly overwhelmed by such a strong feeling of love for him, and all i manage is a wide smile. he smiles back.
"goodnight, leonard."
i don't question it, don't question how we're lying in our own semen and sweat, don't question if sheldon was going to call amy, i simply fall to sleep with my head on his chest with a small smile on my face.