Chapter Text
The gods were dead, but in their wake they left blight and destruction. The first few days were filled with both celebration and sorrow. Then began the cleanup.
The members of the Veilguard returned to the Lighthouse for a short while, using it as a base from which to aid their allies. Eventually, though, people began returning home. Neve went back to Dock Town, Emmrich to the Necropolis, Lucanis to Treviso. Tasssh stayed a while longer but the memories of Harding lingered in the Lighthouse, and they sought to forge their own life.
During the Veilguard's war, Neve and Lucanis found comfort in each other's arms, but eventually they parted as friends, agreeing that while they cared for each other, affection born of difficult times did not always translate into peace time love.
Bellara and Davrin remained. When Evka and Antoine asked if the Wardens could use the Crossroads to travel quickly to places that needed help with the blight, Rook was quick to agree. So Wardens began staying in the halls that once contained the Veilguard. The Lighthouse adapted to suit its new inhabitants.
With the Crossroads rediscovered, Rook approached Strife with the idea of some Veil Jumpers becoming guardians of the Crossroads. With their experience with elven artifacts and magic they seemed the perfect choice. With Strife and Irelin’s agreement, Veil Jumpers too began to inhabit the Lighthouse.
Rook was glad to see the Crossroads alive with people again.
For the first six months after killing the gods, Rook found her presence requested many places, both in celebration and in requests for advice. Slowly those requests dwindled, and Rook found herself at odds with what to do.
She tried returning to the Grand Necropolis. With the victory over the gods she was welcomed back, but she found the beloved halls and crypts no longer felt like home. She lingered for some time, but patrolling the halls of the Necropolis could not keep the nightmares at bay.
So she started searching for places to help. She traveled to Minrathous to assist with clearing the Blight. The work kept her busy, enough to allow herself to work herself hard, praying exhaustion would keep the nightmare at bay. She cleared blight and tended the wounds of those working to rebuild the city. Some nights she would sit in the Shadow Dragons hideout and make plans with Tarquin and Ashur, or have dinner with Neve and Rana.
It worked some nights. Others she would find herself wandering the streets of Minarthous like a ghost, looking at the scars left on the city and asking herself why she was still here when the gods and the blight had killed so many.
She had to be useful. She needed to stay busy. Then perhaps it would assuage the guilt she still carried.
Neve noted Rook's habit of running herself ragged, and worried for her friend.
“Rook, you know you don't need to do it all,” Neve told her one night. “You can take a break.”
Rook blinked at her, and smiled a smile that did not quite reach her eyes. “I might go visit Arlathan. With the gods gone it should be peaceful.”
She took a few days to wrap up things in Minrathous, said farewell for now to Neve and the Shadows, and journeyed through the Crossroads to Arlathan.
In Arlathan she helped repair centuries old ruins and clear rubble as the Veil Jumpers made some parts of Arlathan habitable once more. Now that the forest was quieter, they had time to repair the storage vaults and strengthen the wards. On nights she couldn’t sleep, she’d wander the ruins closest to the Veil Jumper camps, or sit beside the water, staring into the night sky.
Irelin noted her habit of volunteering if she wasn’t already busy, and pointed out that she had already helped a great deal, and could benefit from a rest day.
From there she developed a pattern. For a few weeks or a few months she would help however she could somewhere, pushing herself as hard, until someone spoke to her with concern and suggested she rest. Rook would then wrap things up, name and location she wanted to “visit,” then disappear into the Crossroads.
The Veil Jumpers and Wardens had discovered more working Eluvians in her absence. Once they ensured it was safe, they'd allow use of it for travel.
She took the Eluvian to Lavendale. The town was slowly rebuilding as Wardens began to clear what blight they could from the surrounding landscape. She’d join them on their patrols, or work with Flynn in the infirmary and put her botany lessons to use making salves.
Antoine asked her what dreams she was running from.
She traveled south to the Free Marches. She assisted in Starkhaven and helped former residents return to Kirkwall, seeing Varric's beloved city and delivering the sad news of his death to his friends. She helped clear rubble in the streets of Lowtown and walked the halls of the Viscount’s keep with Aveline and Donnic.
And whenever someone realized what she was doing, she'd move on.
She would write to her friends from the Veilguard, vague letters that mentioned some of her adventures and that she was doing fine and missed them. She wrote just often enough for them to know she was still alive and told them they shouldn’t worry over her.
She met members of the Inquisition. She stood patiently while Cassandra yelled at her for the deaths of Harding and Varric, then handed the woman a handkerchief and they talked about Varric’s books. She gave the former Seeker a copy of Bellara’s latest serial.
She returned to Rivain and found Taash along the coast, and led them through the Eluvians to the south.
They met Harding’s mother and cried with her over the death of the brave Scout. They listened to stories of Harding’s childhood, and they told her mother about adventures they’d had with Lace, of the dragons they’d killed and the sights they’d seen.
Then Taash asked her bluntly why she wasn’t sleeping.
After making sure Taash was certain they could get home on their own, Rook disappeared again, finding some other place she could make herself useful for a little while.
She’d stay a night or two at the Lighthouse sometimes, in between places. Bellara and Davrin observed her constantly throwing herself at new problems and new places, and they worried. When they tried to speak with her though, they'd find her gone the next morning.
The remaining members of the Veilguard reached out to each other, worried about their former leader, their friend.
Two years after the gods’ defeat, she found a letter waiting for her in her room at the Lighthouse from Lucanis.
Rook,
I hope this note eventually finds you. I hear you are a hard woman to pin down these days. It’s been some time since I’ve seen you. Treviso is slowly recovering. You should see the Market. Not even the Antaam or the Blight could truly destroy the Treviso Market. Come and visit, perhaps we can get a coffee at Cafe Petra. Even Spite misses you.
Your friend,
Lucanis Dellamorte
Rook held the letter in her hands, inhaling the scent of ink and a hint of coffee that had dripped on the paper.
Treviso. Her memories of the city covered in blight flickered through her mind. She remembered the deaths of Heir, Fletcher, and Chance. She remembered Jacobus’s cries of range as he turned into darkspawn and died fighting the Antaam.
Treviso was still recovering. Surely there were things she could help with there.
When she stepped out of the Treviso Eluvian, she was a little surprised to see it was still in the same place.
Rook walked quietly across the beams that led to the Crows’ headquarters in the Cantori Diamond, pushing her hood back as she did. Some of the Crows she passed recognized her, nodding an acknowledgement as she passed.
She found Teia on the top floor of the Diamond, sitting at a desk while reading over contracts. Where Teia was, Rook guessed Viago was not far off. The petite elf glanced up as Rook approached and gave her a welcoming smile. Rook had little doubt Teia had known she was here from the moment that she’d stepped out of the Eluvian.
“Rook, it has been too long!” Teia gestured for her to take one of the nearby chairs. “We knew that Lucanis had written to you, but weren’t exactly sure when to expect you given your recent nomadic habits.”
Nomadic habits, that was one way to think of it, Rook thought.
She smiled back at Teia, a real smile and dropped into a nearby chair. “It’s good to see you again, Teia. I’ve covered a lot of ground over the past few years. I am sorry I did not visit Treviso sooner.”
Teia waved away the apology. “What matters is that you are here now. You must see the city. There is still much to be done, but Treviso recovers. The halls of the Diamond are almost clear, and the markets bustle with activity once again.”
“Lucanis mentioned that in his letter,” Rook inclined her head. “I would like to see the markets again. Tell me, where can I help? I know there’s much yet to be done.”
Teia lifted her brows. “You only just got here and you are already asking me to put you to work?” She shook her head. “Even the busiest of bees takes a rest now and again, my friend.”
Rook stopped herself from stiffening at the word rest, the word that had driven her to so many places. Perhaps one night wouldn’t matter, she had been on her feet most of the day.
“Well, if not tonight, can you tell me where my help is most useful tomorrow?” Rook suggested.
“First you should go and see Lucanis in the morning,” Teia told her. “He will not admit it aloud but I believe our First Talon has missed you. He has seen the others of your team in the past few months, but I believe you were in Ferelden then.”
A shadow passed over the ex-mourn watcher’s face. “Yes. I met with Harding’s mother.”
“Ah.” Teia nodded knowingly as she cataloged Rook’s appearance. There were dark circles under the woman’s golden eyes, and she seemed thinner than Teia remembered during the hunt for the gods.
When had Rook last truly rested?
“Viago should be here soon,” Teia mentioned, changing the subject. “Please, join us for dinner?”
Rook smiled a little. “I’d be glad to.”
Rook spoke with Teia and Viago late into the evening, listening to everything that had been happening in Treviso and Antiva over the past two years. When Viago mentioned what parts of the city still bore the most damage, Rook sat up, her gaze intent as she took in his description of the issues Treviso still faced.
The Drowned District still had fossilized blight in many areas, choking walkways and climbing out of the water. There, Rook decided she could be the most useful while she was in Treviso.
Eventually Viago and Teia both insisted Rook retire for the evening, Teia showing her to a private room in the parts of the Diamond that served as housing for some of the Crows, and showed her the bathing room.
Rook thanked them for their welcome and for dinner, and stowed her pack before bathing and returning to her room.
For the first few hours she tried to sleep, but each time she began to drift off, she’d see Chance’s face, or feel the press of Heir’s pendent in her hand. Finally she rolled out of bed and pulled her trousers and boots back on before slipping out of her room.
She found herself in the balcony area that overlooked the casino below. This time of night there were not many still on the bottom floors of the Diamond, but it was better than tossing and turning in bed.
Rook lost hours staring blankly at the floor below, only really coming back to herself when she heard footsteps behind her.
“Rook.”
That was a voice she hadn’t heard in almost two years. Slowly Rook turned to look at him.
Lucanis looked a bit more rested than he had during his time with the Veilguard. She remembered speaking to him before the battle to take back Minrathous, when he’d told her that he and Spite would finish this, then find a way to live their lives apart. He’d mentioned Spite in his note to her though.
“Hello Lucanis,” she greeted him. “It’s good to see you.”
“You’ve been away for some time,” he remarked, his expression so carefully neutral, and she wondered if he was angry it had taken her so long to come to Treviso.
“I don’t really have a good excuse for not visiting sooner,” she admitted quietly. “I’m sorry, Lucanis. I’ve missed you, my friend.”
“Next time, do not stay away so long,” he told her firmly. He lifted a brow at her. “How long have you been standing here?”
“Hmm?” Rook glanced back at the casino floor then at him. “A few hours, I suppose. It’s nearly dawn, isn’t it?”
“You couldn’t sleep?” he asked.
Rook shook her head. “No. I usually can’t on the first night in a place. Give me a day or so and I’ll be fine.”
SHE LIES
Rook’s eyes widened when she heard Spite without Lucanis’s lips moving. “Spite?” She’d always had a general idea when Spite was active. Her mage skills had never progressed past the level of apprentice so she’d always used her blades in her job as a Mourn Watcher, but she’d been sensitive to spirits since her childhood. But as much as she could sense Spite, she’d very rarely ever heard him speak other than through Lucanis’s mouth.
Lucanis grimaced a little. “He’s still here, and still just as stubborn.”
ROOK DOESN’T SLEEP. WHY DOESN’T SLEEP? Spite demanded.
“He does, however, ask a good question,” Lucanis agreed with the demon. “You say you’ve been up for a few hours. Did you sleep at all?”
Rook closed her eyes, suddenly feeling so very tired. How long had she been running from that question? Just when she settled into a rhythm, someone would ask that question or tell her to take a few days off, and she’d be on the move again. She’d only just gotten to Treviso the night before, and now she wasn’t sure where else she could run to.
“No,” she admitted, leaning back against the railing. “I don’t most nights. Not anymore.”
“Why?” Lucanis’s brow creased. She looked as gaunt as Teia had mentioned, the circles under her eyes as dark as fresh bruises.
This was not the Rook that held the Veilguard together through sheer force of will. Through every fight, every difficult decision, he’d watched Rook charge forward relentlessly. This Rook still drove herself forward, but the fire that had burned so incandescently, that had first drawn him towards her, had gone out.
This Rook felt like a shell of the woman he had known, and he had no idea what had caused it.
She closed her eyes again, faces of the dead flashing before her again. “Too many dreams,” she said at last. The truth felt too painful to put into words, the thought of why she was still alive, when they were all dead?
“Well then, at least while you’re here I’ll have company at night,” Lucanis told her.
Her eyes fluttered open again. “Still staying awake until you can’t anymore?”
“It seemed safest,” Lucanis shrugged.
He wasn’t telling her to rest. He wasn’t telling her to take a break. Instead, Lucanis was telling her to keep him company when she couldn’t sleep.
She smiled a little crookedly at him. “Well, if you don’t mind the company, I’ll be happy to join you. I do hope you’ve got some strong coffee.”
He actually smiled then, welcome in his expression. “Of course. What else would you expect of me?”
******
Sometimes Rook wished she’d come back to Treviso sooner.
Even two years after the gods’ defeat, there was a great deal left to clean up and repair in the city. It was also still recovering from the Antaam occupation. She found plenty to keep her busy during the day.
Some days she’d move through the Drowned District, trying to clear away the worst of the fossilized blight. Sometimes she'd use alchemical mixtures to clear and burn it away. Other days she'd help with the rebuilding efforts in different districts.
One day, she hoped, if she did enough here, she might finally forgive herself for what happened to Treviso when the dragon attacked.
She’d originally intended to stay in the Diamond, but Lucanis had quickly insisted that she come stay at the Dellamorte villa. With Illario still locked away and only his cousin and grandmother left of his family, he told her the villa often felt too empty.
“I miss the Lighthouse sometimes,” he told her one night as they stood in the kitchen. She was leaning back against one of the counters watching him bake muffins. She’d learned during their time at the Lighthouse that Lucanis stress-baked when he got particularly agitated.
Rook lifted a lavender brow at him. “Smaller?” she guessed.
“Yes,” Lucanis replied as he carefully set out another batch of muffins to cool. “We had more people in the Lighthouse. It felt like there was more life there.”
Rook thought back to some of the nights she’d spent in ruins in Arlathan, or the quiet fields of Ferelden when she and Taash traveled to see Harding’s mother. “Yes. The Lighthouse is even busier these days, with Wardens and Veil Jumpers. They all seem to know me on sight, but I don’t know all of them.”
“Why didn’t you stay at the Necropolis?” Lucanis asked as he turned towards her. “Emmrich said in a letter your position was reinstated.”
“It didn’t feel like home anymore,” Rook sighed. “During the hunt for the gods there was rarely a day when I wasn’t doing something. After returning to the Necropolis, the usual patrols they put me on felt too quiet. Sure I’d fight a few demons or undead sometimes, but it didn’t feel like enough.”
“So you became a nomad?” Lucanis lifted his brows at her.
Rook shrugged. “It kept me busy. I found places I could be useful, at least for a little while.”
“Is that why you came to Treviso?”
“I came because you asked me to,” she told him. “Because it reminded me I missed my friend.” Rook glanced out the kitchen window, staring into the darkness. They only had a few candles going in the kitchen, just barely enough to see by, but she’d always been good at seeing in the dark, and he had a demon’s senses.
“I’ve just kept pushing myself these last two years,” she admitted softly. “I don’t like thinking much these days, I’d rather just keep busy, be useful.”
Lucanis snorted. “I wish I had that problem.” He grimaced. “I think it will be some time before Caterina completely lets control of the Crows go, but there’s been plenty for me to do as the Official First Talon. I hate politics.”
“You and me both,” Rook snorted. “Muffins are better. I’ve missed your cooking.”
“Caterina feels it should be done by the servants,” Lucanis sighed. “Teia and Viago will tolerate it sometimes, but it has been awhile since I had someone to cook for.”
“Well, I’ll happily eat any meal you cook,” Rook told him, accepting a cooling muffin.
“You trust me not to poison you?” he joked.
“You prefer more direct methods of execution,” Rook gave a toss of her long lavender hair.
Lucanis chuckled softly. She saw him get a far away look in his eyes, indicating Spite was saying something. She hadn’t heard Spite herself since that first night she’d been back in Treviso. Lucanis muttered under his breath, and she knew he was arguing with the demon about something.
“You have meetings tomorrow?” she asked, trying to change the subject and distract both assassin and demon.
Lucanis shook his head as if clearing it and nodded. “Yes, Talon business.”
“Will you be busy all day, or will you have some time later?”
Lucanis looked at her in askance.
“You and I still haven’t been back to Cafe Petra together,” she told him. “Not since they reopened. I think we could both enjoy a good cup of coffee tomorrow afternoon.”
He smiled, “I will never pass up a chance for coffee at Cafe Petra.”
******
There were places you could still see the damage Blight had done to the area, but otherwise Cafe Petra looked much as it had the first time she’d visited with Lucanis. She bought their coffee, carrying the two steaming cups to the table that Lucanis had chosen on the balcony that overlooked part of the city.
She smiled when she saw the genuine pleasure on Lucanis’s face as he inhaled the scent of his favorite coffee. She knew his position as First Talon of the Crows kept him busy, some administrative work, and some otherwise. She knew he still took contracts to keep himself sharp. The second month she’d been in Treviso he’d advised her late one evening as they drank coffee in the kitchen that he had a contract that would take him away for a few days. When she’d suggested she stay at the Diamond for a few days, he’d looked almost offended and told her that her rooms at the villa were hers as long as she wanted.
He wanted her to stay at the villa with him and Caterina. In Minrathous she’d shared an apartment with two Shadow Dragons. Aralthan she’d camped with the Veil Jumpers, and in Lavendale she’d bunked with a few Wardens. Finding a bed, cot, or bedroll wherever she traveled hadn’t been an issue, but with as often as she moved around, she’d never really had quarters she thought specifically of as “hers.”
The morning she’d arrived at the Dellamorte villa with Lucanis, he’d assigned her a set of rooms consisting of a bedroom and sitting room. She hadn’t even had this much space back in her apartment at the Necropolis. More to the point, Lucanis had advised her these rooms belonged to her, and even if she happened to travel elsewhere, they would always be available for her when she returned to Treviso.
These rooms were her first “home” since the Lighthouse.
“We should do this more often,” Rook remarked as she watched Lucanis savor his coffee. “I do not think I’ve gone out for coffee or a meal with a friend since..” she tilted her head, trying to remember. “Perhaps Starkhaven? Most days I see where I’m most needed, work for some hours, then find dinner and my bed.”
“I am certainly happy to visit Cafe Petra more often,” Lucanis smiled slightly. “I have come a time or two with Teia, or when one of our friends visits, but most days I have no friends to come with.”
Rook chuckled. “Then perhaps we should make it a weekly thing, when we can. I know your work can be unpredictable.”
“It is the nature of being a Crow,” Lucanis noted. “But it keeps one’s instincts sharp.”
“I would imagine you would have to be on point much of the time,” Rook replied slyly, and Lucanis gave her a side eye for the bad pun.
They added taking coffee at Cafe Petra to their lives after that afternoon. Sometimes they would discuss the rebuilding efforts Rook was assisting with, or stories their friends had shared in their letters, and some evenings they would simply sit in pleasant quiet and take in the world around them. Rook found it was the closest thing to real peace she’d found in a long time.
One aspect of living in the Dellamorte villa that Rook had not originally considered was dealing with the Dellamorte matriarch on a regular basis. Rook kept long hours, often leaving just after dawn and not returning until after dusk to help with the reconstruction efforts. Logically she knew that Caterina was aware of her presence in the villa, but given her habit of leaving early and returning late, it was almost a week and a half before she actually encountered Caterina.
Lucanis was off somewhere on Crow business, so when Rook returned late in the evening she slipped quietly into the kitchen to find something to eat and make herself a cup of tea. She’d settled on a stool with a small spread of bread, fruit, and cheese, the taste of lavender tea on her tongue. A single candle burned, illuminating her meal. Growing up in the Necropolis, Rook was used to low light, and she needed no more than a single candle to get a good view of the entire kitchen.
She’d interacted with some of the Dellamorte servants in her time here, trying to be polite and stay mostly out of their way. She’d never really lived with servants before and sometimes found it unnerving. So when one of the kitchen doors opened, she expected one of the servants.
She was surprised to hear the steady click of a cane on the hardwood floors and turned on her stool to find Caterina Dellamorte watching her. The woman’s gaze was stern, and Rook quickly brushed some crumbs off her shirt as she turned to face the Dellamorte matriarch.
“First Talon,” she greeted the woman as politely as any of her old teachers in Nevarra could have wanted her to.
“You are up late, girl,” Caterina told her as she crossed the rest of the kitchen to reach Rook.
Rook inclined her head. “I tend to get in late and don’t sleep much, madam. If my comings and goings are disturbing you please let me know.”
“There are few in this house for you to disturb,” Caterina informed her. “It has been some time since I have seen you in Treviso, Rook.”
“Work in different places has kept me more or less nomadic,” Rook replied by way of some explanation. “Though Lucanis has already taken me to task for not visiting earlier.”
“As he should,” Caterina nodded approvingly. “I have seen others that were part of your Veilguard visit over the past few years. They stay for a few weeks, and then return to their own business.” She lifted an iron gray brow at Rook. “What intentions do you have for your stay here?”
“I expect I’ll be in Treviso for a few months,” Rook chose her words carefully, trying to gauge exactly what Caterina wanted. “There’s a great deal of restoration work left, and I do not have anything pressing to pull me away from helping with it.”
“You are from Nevarra, yes, the Mourn Watch?”
Of course Caterina would know exactly who and where Rook was from.
“Before all of this, yes, until I took the job with Varric Tethras,” Rook replied.
“And why did you not stay in your Grand Necropolis?” Caterina asked intently. “Do you not have duties there?”
“I was removed from duty several months before I first came to Treviso,” Rook kept her tone polite and even. “After my business with the gods was finished I returned for a while and an offer was made to reinstate my position, but my time away showed me the Necropolis was no longer home.”
Caterina’s mouth thinned into a line as she considered Rook’s answer. “So before you were dismissed after some incident with an undead noble, you had never left Nevarra, and now you do not want to go back?”
This woman was going to give her a headache, Rook thought. “That would be a good summary of it, yes.”
“And you intend to remain in Treviso for some months to assist with the recovery?” Caterina demanded.
“That is my intention,” Rook confirmed.
Caterina gave a sharp nod then. “Very well. Make use of your rooms as needed. Good night, Rook.”
The old woman left Rook staring after her in confusion, wondering if Caterina had gotten everything out of her mini interrogation that she wanted, and what the purpose of it had been to begin with.
After that evening Rook encountered Caterina with regular frequency, often in the early mornings before Rook slipped away to her work. The old woman demanded Rook regularly have tea with her in the mornings, and for the life of her Rook could not figure out why since neither of them ever really talked much while they sat together with tea and a light breakfast. Caterina’s attention was usually focused on various correspondence. After the first few mornings Rook simply started bringing some serial with her to read while drinking tea with Caterina. It baffled her, but she’d rather try and be a polite guest and keep from getting on the woman’s bad side.
Before Rook knew it, she’d been in Treviso for almost five months. By now she was usually already on the move to a new location. Teia and Viago knew she kept a strange sleep schedule, but neither ever said anything about it. Caterina would occasionally make a short remark about Rook’s tendency to be up late, but she never asked why.
After five months Caterina seemed tolerant of her presence at the villa. She wondered sometimes if the reason Caterina demanded Rook join her for tea in the morning was out of loneliness, not that she’d ever admit that thought aloud. Caterina was a hard woman to read, with a sharp and stern demeanor forged by years of surviving as First Talon and head of House Dellamorte. Rook sometimes felt a rush of anger when Lucanis would describe his childhood with Caterina, but she held her tongue for his sake and his love for his grandmother.
Caterina was a woman who had lost all of five of her children and all but two of her grandchildren, and Rook observed that her primary concern when she’d raised her grandsons and trained them was their survival above all else.
Now she was an old woman with one grandson held in a cell for his treachery against his family and the other acting as First Talon. She lived on a large estate that might have once contained the sound of many residents, now reduced to herself, her grandson, and her grandson’s odd friend from Nevarra.
Months passed, and Rook stayed in Treviso.
When Lucanis told her Neve and Rana were visiting for a few weeks, for the first time in a long time she didn’t feel the urge to flee.
Their visit was a pleasant one, Rook and Lucanis taking Neve and Rana to Cafe Petra more than once. Neve and Rana listened to them talk about Treviso's recovery, and they asked how Minrathous fared. Rook showed Neve the alchemical mixture she used on the blight and gave the mage the instruction and ingredients list so the Shadows could compare it to what they were using.
Neve and Rana joined Caterina and Rook one morning for breakfast, and both Neve and Rana watched very carefully as they made plans with them, only occasionally asking or telling Caterina something, and the old woman only occasionally interjecting.
“Is breakfast like that every morning?” Neve asked Rook as they walked through the Market stalls later that afternoon. Rook was still spending the mornings working with the restoration teams, but for the duration of their visit she took afternoons off to spend with Neve and Rana.
The ice mage noted, though, that even when spending time with her friends, Rook seemed to have a need to constantly stay busy, to be doing something.
“Like what?” Rook asked curiously.
“That awkward?” Rana put in. “Lucanis’s grandmother seems to be a very formidable woman.”
Rook shrugged. “You sort of get used to it after a while. She spends breakfast working. I think she just wants someone else there.”
“Right.” Neve shook her head. “Better you than I, I suppose. I am not sure how well Caterina and I would have gotten along if Lucanis and I had stayed together.”
“You’d have figured something out,” Rook replied. “I don’t think she knows what to make of me.”
Neve was careful not to comment on Rook’s bad sleeping habits during the visit, particularly not when she saw Lucanis didn’t sleep any more than Rook did.
Rook hugged her friends when they left to return to Minrathous through the Eluvian in the Diamond.
“Next time, you need to come and visit us,” Neve told Lucanis and Rook.
“We will see what we can arrange,” Lucanis promised.
As Neve and Rana stepped through the Eluvian, Rana asked her wife, “Do you think there’s anything between them?”
Neve shook her head. “There doesn’t seem to be. I don’t think either of them has realized how they feel about the other.”
******
Rook knew Caterina visited Illario regularly. He was still her grandson and one of the only members of her family she had left. If the old woman ever made a comment to Lucanis about visiting his cousin, it was never within earshot of Rook. One evening on a day she knew Caterina had gone to visit Illario though, Rook came upon a very irritable Lucanis in the kitchen, staring broodily at his coffee.
Spite was just as agitated, Lucanis’s eyes flashing purple every few minutes and an aura of purple surrounding him. Having spent nearly a year living with Lucanis and seeing him on an almost daily basis she usually had a very good idea on when the demon was active.
“Lucanis, Spite,” she greeted both of them as she poured herself a cup of coffee. “What has the two of you so riled up?”
“Illario has requested I come see him,” Lucanis replied darkly.
ILLARIO HURT LUCANIS, HURT SPITE. WHY DID WE NOT KILL HIM Spite demanded.
Lucanis huffed in frustration and gestured about him. “You see my issue.”
“Your cousin that tried to kill you, twice, I might add, is requesting to see you, Spite wants to kill him, and you won’t because he’s still your family?” Rook surmised.
Spite flared again and she was certain she’d heard him growl.
“Spite please,” she sighed at the demon. “Trust me, I don’t like Illario any more than you do, but Illario is Lucanis’s family, and love, familial or otherwise, can be messy. Sometimes you still love people even though they’ve hurt you.”
Lucanis paused in his pacing the length of the kitchen. “You think I should have killed Illario?”
Rook shrugged. “Not my call, and he was able to provide some useful information about the Venatori, so there were reasons to spare him. But I don’t have to like him, Lucanis. He hurt you. I probably would have killed him and put his corpse to work in the Necropolis.”
“Nevarrans and their corpse collections,” Lucanis muttered.
“So, are you going to go see him?”
Lucanis growled in frustration. “I cannot trust him, and yet, he is still all I have left.”
“Want some company?” she offered.
ROOK WILL COME TOO? ROOK WILL PROTECT LUCANIS AND SPITE?
“If it becomes necessary, yes, Spite, I will,” she answered the demon directly.
“I will admit, it would be easier if I did not have to do this alone,” Lucanis’s shoulders slumped.
The last time Rook could remember seeing Lucanis like this was after the fight with Zara, when the two of them had very carefully started rebuilding their friendship after Treviso.
“Then you don’t have to,” she told him sincerely. “If you don’t have anything planned tomorrow, we’ll do it then. There’s nothing that I can’t put off for a day or two.”
“Thank you, Rook,” he told her quietly. “It is good to have a friend with me.”
Her lips quirked into a slight smile. “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be, Lucanis.”
After bathing early the next morning, Rook chose her clothing carefully. She still owned some of her more impressive Mourn Watch garb. She dressed in a tailored, slim fitting gray suit trimmed in purple with a pale green silk shirt beneath and laced black suede boots. She slipped a necklace of gold chain and skull pendant on and gold bracers from her collection of grave gold and allowed her long lavender hair to hang loose.
When she appeared at the breakfast table, Caterina gave her a long look. “Hmm, so you are Nevarran after all,” the old woman remarked before returning to her letters.
Lucanis remarked that most people he knew might find daily breakfast with his grandmother to be terrifying, but Rook had told him she really just found it perplexing.
Around midmorning she and Lucanis left the villa for the structure where Illario was held captive. The building was fairly nondescript on the outside, but in typical Crow fashion the interior was a myriad of rooms and halls. The cell Illario remained captive in reminded Rook more of a bedroom than what she would call cells.
“Cousin,” Illario greeted Lucanis almost jovially as Lucanis approached the cell, the Crows standing guard slipped quietly from the room to allow the First Talon privacy.
“Illario,” Lucanis’s tone was cold as he regarded his cousin. “What do you want?”
“Is that any way to greet your cousin, Lucanis?” Illario tsked. He noticed Rook standing at Lucanis' shoulder and chuckled. “Ah, I am fortunate you brought me such a lovely visitor. Hello again Rook.”
Rook tilted her head, looking at the man with contempt and said nothing.
“You keep such lovely company, but I hear you are still unmarried, Lucanis,” Illario remarked. “We both know how much Nonna wants great grandchildren.”
“My personal life is none of your concern, Illario,” Lucanis rumbled. “Why did you request I come and see you?”
“I wanted to see how my favorite cousin was doing,” Illario replied, his expression one of exaggerated hurt.
“I am your only cousin,” Lucanis frowned. “And I was not your favorite when you sold me out to Zara, or when you tried to kill me a second time.”
Rook sensed Spite rising, Lucanis’s eyes flickering purple as the demon hissed internally at Illario’s needling.
“You would have done the same in my position,” Illario told him. “I should have been First Talon, but Caterina always looked to you. Yet now here you are, First Talon two years and you’ve yet to provide her with an heir.” He smiled. “She might still have some use for me after all.”
“The future of House Dellamorte is no longer your concern, Illario,” Lucanis snapped. “If you’ve simply asked me here to mock me, you are wasting your time.”
Illario leaned forward against the bars, “Oh, Lucanis, I think you overestimate yourself. Eventually Caterina will grow tired of waiting for you to produce an heir. And how could you give her one, being a demon.”
HE MOCKS US Spite hissed, purple flooding Lucanis’s eyes. HE SEEKS TO PUSH LUCANIS ASIDE. HE WANTS TO HURT LUCANIS AND SPITE
Purple wings brushing against her arm, Rook stepped up and put her hand firmly on Lucanis shoulder. “He isn’t worth it, Spite. Illario is a coward and a fool who let himself be played by the gods.”
“Oh Rook, you really did choose the wrong Dellemorte,” Illario chuckled. “You know it’s only a matter of time before Lucanis loses control of his demon again. He’ll hurt you. That’s what demons do.”
SPITE WILL NEVER HURT ROOK the demon snarled.
“You and Lucanis won’t hurt me, Spite,” she spoke so low that Illario could not make out her words. “He seeks to try and make you and Lucanis lose control. He’s a coward, Spite. Let him rot in this cell, we’ll go.”
She tightened her hand on Lucanis’s shoulder, glaring at Illario.
“You’re wrong about Lucanis and Spite,” she bit the words out. “Even at odds, they killed a god. What did you do? Get seduced by lies and promises of power by some Venatori bitch and use blood magic to hurt your family.”
“The gods gave me power, Rook,” Illario smirked. “I would have ruled Treviso, perhaps Antiva itself, with the power they gave me.”
Rook gave a short, dark laugh. “Oh Illario, you poor, deluded fool. Do you really think Elgar’nan would have let you rule? How little you know of the gods. You were a tool to them, nothing more.”
“I.HAD.POWER,” Illario shouted.
“You had the illusion of power,” Rook responded mockingly. “But as soon as Elgar’nan had no more use for you, he would have given you to Ghilan’nain as a play thing.” She smiled coldly, taking a step past Lucanis as she spoke. “Do you know what Ghilan’nain would have done to you then, Illario?”
Illario glared at her, refusing to answer.
Rook gave him a smile that was all teeth. “Ghilan’nain would have gifted you with her ‘blessing’ of the Blight. Illario. Do you know what happened to the mayor of D’Meta’s Crossing? He was just the first in a long line of people the gods toyed with and tricked. Ghilan’nain promised him gold and power, and so he betrayed his entire village and the Veil Jumpers to the gods. He ended up blighted, Illario, a monster running feral in Arlathan forest that I put down like the rabid creature he was.”
“You lie,” Illario hissed, but she could hear some doubt in his voice.
“This is something I cannot lie about, not after the horrors I’ve seen,” she said bluntly. “Do you know what it’s like to be blighted, Illario? It’s like acid running through your veins.” She stood there, her eyes almost glowing in the torchlight of the room. “Every breath you take is complete agony. You feel the madness gnawing at your mind, eating away at you. I’ve survived dragon fire, poison, and blade, and none of them could compare to the pain I felt from the blight.”
She clenched her fists. “What happened to Treviso was horrible, Illario, but that would have looked like child’s play compared to what would have happened if you’d given the city over to the gods. They would have blighted every single person in Treviso and beyond and used them as tools to gain more power. You’ve heard what happened to Minrathous.”
Illario was staring at her now, his eyes wide, and she could see in his eyes he was starting to believe her with a dawning horror.
“I don’t really understand you,” Rook continued. “You had a cousin who loved you like a brother, who would have done almost anything for you, and you betrayed him for gold and the promise of power from corrupted gods.” She shook her head. “I almost pity you. I would hope someday you really understand what you lost.”
“Good day, Illario,” she flipped on her heels with that, very firmly taking Lucanis’s arm in her own. The Crow looked at his cousin coldly, then let Rook lead him from the room, purple still flickering in his eyes.
“We’re done here,” Lucanis informed the Crow guards. “Let’s go home, Rook.”
Rook inclined her head, following Lucanis out.
The walk back to the Dellamorte villa was silent, Spite still very close to the surface. Once home, Lucanis immediately moved towards the kitchen. Rook followed, wondering if he would say anything.
Lucanis went through the motions of making coffee almost mechanically, and Rook frowned. Something was agitating him, beyond just Illario.
“Lucanis?” she asked carefully.
ROOK SAID SHE FELT THE BLIGHT Spite answered. WHEN WAS ROOK BLIGHTED?!”
Well shit.
“Tearstone Island.”
“Why didn’t you mention it?” Lucanis demanded, the assassin taking control of his body again.
“We were so close to the end, Lucanis,” Rook slumped against the wall, suddenly feeling the weight of her exhaustion. “There wasn’t time to do anything about it. We had to take back Minrathous and kill Elgar’nan. I figured if I survived it all I’d talk to the Wardens.
“The entire time you were in the Fade Prison, when we pulled you out, and in Minrathous? You were sick that entire time with it?”
“Something like that. It hurt. But there wasn’t any time to stop,” Rook explained.
“Did anyone know?” Lucanis’s eyes were dark with some suppressed emotion.
“Davrin sensed it, so did Bellara, and the Wardens would have,” Rook admitted. “Once Elgar’nan was gone and the veil repaired, it was gone. Bellara and I were both free of the Blight, and by that point it didn’t seem like it really mattered.”
ROOK WAS HURT. ROOK HID IT FROM US Spite’s tone sounded…hurt.
“Lucanis…”
“You’re my friend, Rook,” Lucanis grit his teeth. “Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you tell any of us?”
“BECAUSE I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE STRONG ENOUGH TO DEAL WITH IT.” Rook snapped, shaking with emotions she’d spent the past two years suppressing. “I was supposed to be strong enough to handle it, Lucanis. I had to keep going.”
“Meirda,” Lucanis swore, realizing something. “That’s what you’ve been doing this entire time, isn’t it? Since after the gods. You keep pushing yourself, never stopping to rest. Maker, Rook, why? What are you punishing yourself for?”
“Because I’m still alive, and they’re not,” Rook choked back a sob, her eyes glassy.
“D’Meta’s Crossing, Treviso, Lavendale, Weisshaupt, Minrathous,” she recited the words like it was some long held ritual. “Varric Tethras, Heir, Fletcher, Chance Candide, Jacobus, the Wardens at Weisshaupt, the Veil Jumpers, Lace Harding.” She shook her head, the tears running down her cheeks. “They’re dead, and I’m still alive. WHY AM I STILL ALIVE WHEN THEY AREN’T?”
HOLD HER Spite told Lucanis.
Lucanis carefully pulled Rook to him, wrapping his arms around his friend. He felt her shatter against him, burying her head in his chest as she gave great, gasping sobs.
How long had Rook been holding this in? He knew she hadn’t been sleeping and more than he did, but clearly for a very different reason.
Their friends had told him about her habit of working herself to the edge of exhaustion, and disappearing every time someone started to suggest she deserved to rest. And she’d been doing this for two years. When was the last time Rook had actually had a night’s sleep that didn’t involve absolutely collapsing from exhaustion.
It was the survivor's guilt, and she’d been carrying it around since the night of Solas’s ritual. He tried to remember if any of them had really ever asked her if she was alright.
Holding a weeping Rook in his arms now, all he wanted to do was comfort her.
ROOK HURTS Spite was distressed. HELP HER
In that he and Spite were in accord.
When her sobbing finally slowed, she slumped in Lucanis’s arms, eyes salt encrusted and body drooping with exhaustion.
“You’re going to rest, Rook, and you’re not going to disappear on me,” he told her. He wiped tears from under her eyes with his thumb. “Spite and I have gotten used to having you around.
“I don’t know if I can rest,” she told him dully. “I close my eyes and I see their faces, I hear Jacobus’s voice as he changed, his scream.”
“Maker, Rook,” Lucanis sighed. “After the dragon attacked Treviso, I was so frustrated. My city and my people were hurting. But if you’d chosen Treviso instead of Minrathous, the same might have happened there.”
“You blamed me,” Rook said sadly.
“I wanted to,” Lucanis admitted. “Even though I knew logically it wasn’t your fault. You didn’t conjure two Blighted dragons, and you could never have been in two places at once. Seeing my city like that made me ache, but I knew I couldn’t blame you when it came down to everything. And afterwards, even when I treated you coldly, you still helped me. You still helped Treviso when people spat on you in the market. And you’re still helping Treviso now.”
“I had to do something,” she told him. “Even if the dragons weren’t my fault, I couldn’t not help.”
“Someday, Rook, you are going to learn to forgive yourself,” he told her. “But for now, please know you are welcome here. You are welcome in Treviso, you are welcome here.” He glanced away for a moment. “It’s been easier, the past few months, having a friend here.”
“The past few months are the first time I haven’t felt like I had to run,” Rook admitted. “I like it here, Lucanis.”
“Then stay,” he told her. “You will always have a home here.”
He brushed strands of tear wet hair back from her face. “There is something else, Rook. You calmed Spite, when we were dealing with Illario,” he noted. “I know some of our companions had reservations when they first met me.”
“Davrin threatened to kill you,” Rook muttered. The Warden and Crow had long ago made peace with each other, but they did still like to needle each other occasionally.
“But you, you were never afraid, were you?” Lucanis lifted a brow at her.
“I was afraid he might hurt you, but I wasn’t afraid of him,” she admitted. “Before we retook Minrathous, you said you and Spite were going to find a way to be apart, that you’d live your life and yours alone.”
Lucanis grimaced faintly. “We tried, but Emmrich warned me once that Spite and I might never be able to separate. When the two of us are in accord about something, it is easier. But we still struggle.”
She turned her head up, her chin resting on his chest. “You and Spite need to find a goal that you both will work towards. What is something the two of you can both agree on?”
“Stay alive, rebuild Treviso,” Lucanis shrugged.
KEEP ROOK FROM HURTING Spite rumbled.
Lucanis looked away, almost as if he was afraid to look Rook in the eye.
“Lucanis?” she asked softly.
“You always push yourself too hard, Rook,” Lucanis said firmly. “If you won’t take care of yourself, then I’ll take care of you.” He looked down into those golden eyes. “You accept Spite. You don’t look at me like I’m a monster.”
Her expression darked. “Don’t let Illario’s words get to you, Lucanis. You are not, nor have you ever been a monster. You and Spite are not monsters. Don’t let anyone call you that.”
Lucanis down at her, warmth blossoming through his chest. “Perhaps we can make a deal, Rook. You teach Spite and I to make peace with each other, and we will take care of you, and every day I will remind you the work of the gods is not your fault, until you believe me.”
She blinked. “Psyche.”
Lucanis tilted his head, “Psyche?”
“My name, it’s Psyche,” She told him.
“Psyche.” Lucanis turned the name over on this tongue.
PSYCHE Spite repeated her name. PSYCHE WILL STAY, AND HELP SPITE AND LUCANIS?
“Yes,” she said decidedly. Guilt still dragged at her heart, but leaning against Lucanis right now, she could almost believe someday she might forgive herself. “I’ll stay, Lucanis, Spite.”
AND LUCANIS AND SPITE WILL TAKE CARE OF PSYCHE Spite added decidedly.
“Yes, we will,” Lucanis agreed. “Psyche, cara, you need sleep now.”
“I still don’t know if I can,” she admitted.
“Then we will sit on the couch in the library, and I’ll hold you,” he told her.
She let Lucanis guide her to the library. He took a seat on the comfortable couch and held his arms out to her.
Her grave gold was cool against his neck as she curled into his side and pulled a knitted blanket off the back of the couch and spread it over them. He felt her relaxing slowly against him as his own eyelids grew heavy.
When Caterina entered the library just after dawn, she paused when she saw her grandson and the Nevarran curled against each other on the couch, their breathing even in rest. She tilted her head, considering their sleeping forms for a long moment, then nodded once, and left them to sleep.