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The first time Phainon had witnessed Mydei die, he had a full mental breakdown.
They were sparring together, one of the first few times when they just started doing playful fights. Mydei had already told him about his curse, yet Phainon had no idea of how it worked, and the crimson prince had no regard in telling him any details.
And so the little shit purposefully let Phainon stab him in the chest, and the fucker died instantly. He dropped to the ground with Phainon's sword deep inside his ribcage, spent eyes open, a little smirk on his lips. He let out a gurgling breath, then he stopped moving completely.
Phainon screamed, genuinely terrified. He dropped to his knees, pulled off the sword, tried to stop the blood, tried to close up the wound, tried to reanimate his friend. Nothing was working, he was crying, hyperventilating, his hands and pristine white clothes were stained with blood, and he didn't know what to do.
The only thing that came to his mind was to go search for Tribbie.
“Oh, it happens all the time.” they said. “Just bring him in bed once he stops bleeding, and he'll be with us again in a few hours.”
Phainon was truly shocked, and horrified, and never wanted to be the reason Mydei died ever again. He swore to himself his sword wouldn't pierce Mydei's body again.
And so, as Tribbie said, Mydei was up and ready to shake Nikador's rage again just a few hours later. Phainon was still speechless, a little scared, and his head was still spinning just by thinking about the whole thing.
𝘏𝘰𝘸 𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘔𝘺𝘥𝘦𝘪 𝘥𝘪𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘭𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘺?
“I lost count of them.”
𝘋𝘪𝘥 𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘶𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘥?
“It hurts like hell.”
Phainon eventually learned how to take care of his friend everytime he died, whether it was in combat or an accident. He also learned Mydei was very reckless, almost taking his immortality for granted, going around fighting any monster he saw, jumping down very high edges with small hopes of surviving the fall, lifting up columns as big as Kephale's statue, almost getting a heart attack.
Phainon started taking notes of every time Mydei died stupidly, and also started scolding him.
After almost a decade of being friends, Phainon had lost count of every time he had to slap Mydei in the back of his head, or run after him with a slipper in hand after he came back to the living world, for how stupidly he lost his life. Yet, Mydei never changed.
After a while, they've gotten used to it. Phainon would find Mydei anywhere he was, he would bring him somewhere safe, he would clean his wounds and his face. He would prepare a nice and hot meal for him, he would make the prince lay his head on his lap, and he would patiently wait for his heart to start beating again.
And so, days kept passing by, months, years, bringing them always closer, a death after another, slowly building trust in each other until they were like one single person, perfect synergy and love to share.
The stupid deaths started to be always rarer as time passed. Mydei started to pay more attention to what he was doing, he wasn't being so reckless anymore.
Phainon started feeling his heart bleed a little less when Mydei died, now getting used to it.
Yet, late at night, he wondered if the day where Mydei wouldn't wake up anymore would ever come.
“Dei?”
A whisper into the darkness of their bedroom, as Mydei was curled up against his chest and laying his head on his arm.
Phainon was rubbing his back gently, tracing the red streaks he already knew by memory, eyes closed and trying to sleep, yet his mind was too fogged with thoughts.
“Mh?” Mydei's response was a huffed grunt, his chest rumbling slightly with a low sound coming out his throat. “I feel the storm in your mind. Spit it out, Snowy. I want to sleep.”
Phainon tried to gulp down the lump in his throat. “Have you ever- I mean, do you ever wonder if you'll wake up again after you die? Like, are you ever 𝘴𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘥 to die?”
The silence that stilled between them was so thick it could've been cut with a sword. Mydei shifted his body, moving closer to Phainon and hiding his face deep in the crook of his neck. And Phainon immediately wrapped his arms around him tightly, keeping him close, safe. When he was between his arms, Mydei couldn't be touched by anything or anyone.
“Only lately.” the whisper that left the prince's lips was the most vulnerable he's ever allowed himself to be in front of his companion.
“Before, I paid it no mind. I thought I deserved to stay dead.” he continued, voice feeble. “But now.. But 𝘺𝘰𝘶. You make me feel like it's worth fighting to stay alive, to not see that wrecked expression on your face, to not hear your quiet prayers and sobs while I recover.”
Phainon had to fill his lungs with a deep breath, then release it slowly.
“I hope that day won't ever come, but I know someday I will run out of luck. I just.. Hope fate will give us enough time.”
Mydei kept talking, and every word was a tear sliding quietly down Phainon's cheeks. His breath hitched, and Mydei pulled away just enough to look up at him into the soft moonlight sinking through the curtains of their bedroom.
“My little, sensitive Snowy.” he smiled softly, the most beautiful smile Phainon had ever seen.
“I'm sorry. I'm alright- I just..” he took a deep shaking breath, as Mydei cupped his cheeks with his gentle hands and started drying away his tears with his thumbs.
“Shh…” Mydei leaned in closer to his lips, then left a soft kiss on them. “You think and worry too much. I will be okay, and that fatal day is still very far away from us.”
Phainon nodded slowly, wanting to believe him with his whole heart. “We have time.” he whispered, wanting to believe his own words so badly.
Time. Time was a weird concept. It flew past very quickly when they were sparring together, or out for dinner, or kissing on top of a roof. Time went by too fast, and Phainon always felt like their quiet moments lasted for a few mere minutes, even if it was actually hours.
Yet, time seemed to slow down when he was waiting for Mydei to wake up after a death. Time went incredibly slow then, as if it knew Phainon couldn't wait to see his lover smile again.
Regardless, time passed before their eyes, and they didn't even notice. Not until they fought off the last monsters in Castrum Kremnos, purified the whole land, slowly rebuilt the whole place.
Phainon didn't realize they did all that, until he saw Mydei walking through his family's palace, sitting on his throne. His lover was as beautiful as he's ever been, healthy, glowing and shining with pride.
Phainon, however, was getting subtle wrinkles around his eyes, on the corners of his mouth when he smiled, and he started noticing white hair hidden in his already very light strands. But the only important thing was that he was still healthy and strong enough to beat any person getting close to Mydei with ill intentions. Strong enough to protect him.
“So, have you thought about it?” Mydei's voice echoed through the big throne hall, yet it held a comforting sweetness.
Phainon moved closer and reached the crimson throne, standing in front of his lover, his eyes trying to avoid the other's golden gaze.
“I did, but I'm still not sure. This whole thing… It’s a lot. I don't know if this is a good idea.” he let out a deep sigh, then in a quick movement, Mydei grabbed him and pulled him to sit down on his lap, arms wrapped around his waist as Phainon was laying his back against the armrest of the throne.
“Why not?” the prince asked, lips pressing against the light skin of Phainon's cheek. “You'd be a perfect king. My people would love you.”
Phainon smiled softly, but then shook his head and shrugged. “I don't know, I don't think I'd be as good as you say. I'm not made to rule. I'm good at attacking and defending.”
“I know you are, hell if you are good at it. But, this place could use one more king. A gentle, sweet one, to tame the hot headed one. It would be nice to rule this place together. To get rid of all the toxic and problematic traditions this land holds. We can start anew.. With our own rules. And we'd get to do it together.”
Phainon's head dropped down slightly, to stare at his own fingers playing with a strap of his own clothing. “I just can't see myself as someone with such a high status, in a land that I don't belong to.”
He gasped softly when Mydei's fingers wrapped tightly around his chin and pulled his head up, forcing the eye contact between them. His amber eyes were determined, slightly wider.
“Snowy, from the moment you decided to be by my side, from the second you set foot here, from the first monster you’ve slayed here to the last brick you set down into this palace, you've always belonged here. This is your land, those out there are your people, this whole place, it's yours. I want to share it all with you.”
Mydei was talking with a gentleness that only Phainon knew he was capable of, and his words were easily sinking into his heart and warming his whole body.
Yet, a dull sadness was still resting at the bottom of his stomach, weighing his whole spirit down.
“And.. What if something happens, and we won't be able to stand each other's presence anymore? What would we do to those people?”
“Snowy,”
“Would you keep up the good facade, while we won't even sleep in the same room anymore?”
“𝘗𝘩𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘰𝘯.”
The call of his name echoed through the big hall, through his own ears, so loudly. Phainon raised his eyes to meet Mydei's golden gaze.
“None of this is happening. We're going to sleep in the same bed until the sun in Okhema sets down. Trust me, it will be alright. I will guide you, and we'll be kings that will be remembered through history.”
Mydei then leaned in to press their lips together into a tender kiss, Phainon melted against his chest, and suddenly all his worries were brought away from his shoulders by Mydei's gentle hands cupping his cheeks, and Phainon felt lighter.
“The coronation is in a couple of weeks. Just enough to give our people the time to move back into their homes, to get back to the life they left behind when they had to run away. You don't have to answer now, but, I would really love it if you decided to sit in this room with me, on your own throne.”
Mydei moved his lips to the side just enough to leave small pecks on Phainon's cheek.
“I won't ever leave your side, my prince. Whether as a king or your personal knight guard, I will always be here, in this room, by your side.”
Mydei's lips curved upwards, his hands moving to Phainon's waist, pulling him closer into an intimate hug. “Whatever position makes you comfortable, you'll have it. We still have a bit of time, we can talk about it again later.”
Phainon nodded and wrapped his own arms around his lover, hands sinking into his fluffy blonde hair. “We can, yes. There's still time.”
Their bodies were united into that gentle hug for a long while, until their mouths started attacking each other, tongues united, saliva dripped down their chins as the empty room got filled with their soft heavy breaths.
And suddenly, Phainon found himself sitting on the crimson throne, with the pince straddling his lap, their clothes already laying on the floor all around them.
“I've always dreamed of this,” Mydei whispered against Phainon's lips, as he slowly got himself ready to take his lover deep inside.
“You've dreamed of fucking on your throne?” Phainon let out a breathless chuckle, hands caressing Mydei's whole body with care and reverence.
The prince's lips curved into a wide grin. “Dreamed of fucking myself on you in this room. Too bad there's no one here to hear how good you make me feel.”
Phainon's cheeks took a deeper shade of pink. “For the love of the titans, that would be embarrassing as hell.”
“It would be hot as fuck. To let everyone hear the king is getting fucked into oblivion, to have guards not being able to look at us without blushing and avoiding our gaze. To let everyone know your name.”
Just the thought sent wild butterflies into Phainon's stomach. “I didn't know you liked that kind of stuff.”
“I didn't, actually. But I've got this urge to let everyone around us know you're fucking mine.”
The deep and rough kiss that followed left both of them breathless, hearts pounding against each other's chest. Then Mydei moved down with his lips, and as if to prove his point, he started sucking and biting on Phainon's neck as if his life depended on leaving as many marks as he could.
The lewd noises of his mouth and the soft breaths leaving Phainon's throat were so loud in their ears, yet, Mydei suddenly stilled, making Phainon groan with dissatisfaction.
But then he heard a quick rustle coming from somewhere at their side, and his eyes widened.
“Shh. Move slowly. We're not alone.” Mydei whispered into his ear, silently but quickly pulling off Phainon's lap and gathering their clothes and weapons.
Phainon's blood went cold into his veins, heart pounding, but he was fast to follow Mydei and put on his clothes messily. His lover handed him his sword, and Phainon carefully looked around the big throne room as he picked it from his hands.
“Do you feel it?” Mydei asked in a breath. He slowly moved to press his back against Phainon's, protecting each other.
“Yes,” Phainon nodded, eyes scanning his surroundings. The feeling of being watched was sinking deep into his guts, making him feel uneasy and in danger.
Then Mydei's body went tense against his back. “A furiae archer.” he whispered.
Phainon's eyes widened when an arrow flew right beside their heads, and when it planted into the ground in front of him, he saw a strand of blonde hair trapped under the tip.
“Move.” Mydei said loudly, and immediately grabbed Phainon's arm to pull him away, just in time to avoid another arrow aimed at their chests.
They threw themselves behind the throne to hide, listening carefully to the archer's footsteps echoing through the throne hall.
“Didn't we kill all of the titankins? How did this one get here?” Phainon asked quickly, eyes wide.
“I have no fucking idea, but this piece of shit is going to suffer the pains of hell for interrupting us.” Mydei groaned, then quickly jumped out of their hiding spot to confront the enemy.
“Mydei!” Phainon yelled when he saw Mydei's body getting thrown back by an arrow sinking into his shoulder.
“I'm fine,” the prince groaned and forcefully pulled the arrow out of his body and broke it in half with just two fingers. “It won't let us get too close, I'll distract it, you attack it from the other side. Hurry, Deliverer!”
Phainon kept watching just enough to see Mydei dodge another arrow, that got stuck into the stone column behind him. Then his body moved quickly, and he ran out to the other side of the titankin. He hid behind another column, then ran from that one to another, getting closer to the enemy without getting noticed.
Meanwhile, Mydei's mocking shouts to keep the titankin's attention on him were echoing loudly into the hall, along with the sharp strikes of its arrows.
With his heart pounding with fear for his lover, Phainon moved behind the titankin. He got his sword ready and quickly ran at the archer, who didn't have enough time to intercept him with one of its arrows, and in the middle of turning around, it petrified and crumbled down into dust.
Phainon let out a sharp breath, still feeling uneasy. “You think there's more?” he asked, looking down at the dust.
He didn't receive any response from Mydei, nor did he hear any other movements around. The big hall was silent, except for his heavy breathing. Which made his head snap up and his eyes quickly search for Mydei.
And there he was. Laying on the floor, lifeless, with an arrow poking out of his chest, right where his heart was.
Phainon felt his own heart skip a beat.
“Mydei!” his legs moved on their own and he threw himself at his lover's side. “Fuck fuck fuck, why did you do that?!” he groaned, eyes wide. He tried to analyze the wounds, through all the blood forming a small puddle under him.
The prince's body had holes all over, broken arrows poking out of his chest and legs, many others laying all around him.
“It's okay,” Phainon whispered, more to himself, trying to get his hands to stop shaking as he pulled all the arrows out of his lover's body. “It's going to be okay. I'll take care of you.”
Once he dropped all the arrows to the side, Phainon tried to use his own jacket and shirt to dry off all the blood, but it kept coming, and soon every fabric he tried to use was soaked and stained with Mydei's crimson blood.
“It'll stop,” Phainon whispered again, as he gently pulled Mydei up against his chest with trembling hands, covered in his lover's blood. He caressed his cheek gently, leaving red fingerprints all over his face, pressing his lips against his temple, holding his limp body tightly against his chest.
“Just a bit of time.. And you'll be okay.”
Yet, hours passed, and Mydei's wounds were still wide open, the blood on his body was drying up, his skin was way too pale, his eyes didn't open yet, and his heart wasn't beating.
Phainon had moved him into the bedroom they finished building just that morning, where they would've started to sleep since that same night. He cleaned his lover's body with warm water and a soft towel. He bandaged his wounds with care and he kissed every single one of them. He held his hands tightly and whispered a prayer to every single Titan and God he had knowledge of.
Phainon sat beside their bed for the whole night. And the whole day after. And he waited, patiently, he waited for his lover to wake up.
He kept cleaning his wounds, changing the bandages, soaking up his body with a warm towel, combing his hair, pressing kisses to his cold lips.
Phainon waited.
His vision was constantly blurred. His ears were ringing loudly. His head was filled with cotton. His mind kept imagining the moment Mydei would wake up. They would have hugged tightly, they would've kissed, and they would've got married and become kings of Castrum Kremnos together.
Because Phainon wanted to say yes. He wanted to sit by Mydei's side and rule over their people together. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with him.
And so, Phainon didn't even realize Mydei's body was losing weight, that it was too cold, too pale, and that his wounds were starting to decompose slowly.
A couple of weeks passed, and Phainon was still taking care of Mydei, cleaning him and talking to him, praying and waiting.
He didn't move from the chair at the side of the bed until Aglaea, Tribbie and Castorice were gathered there with him. He didn't understand. Why were they so worried? Mydei would've wake up soon, there was no need to be so concerned.
“Phainon, my dear,” Aglaea touched his shoulder gently, but he moved away from her touch.
He wanted Mydei to touch him, before anyone else did.
“Everything is okay. You can go, guys. I have the situation under control. He's okay.” Phainon's eyes fell on Mydei's sunken cheeks. “He's okay.”
“He isn't.” Castorice cut in, her sharp words cutting his heart like a shard of ice.
“No, he is. Don't worry. He'll be all good in a bit. Just wait and see.” Phainon shook his head, then he felt a soft touch on his thigh, and when he lowered his gaze he saw Tribbie caressing his leg.
“Snowy… Please, come back to Okhema with us. This isn't healthy for you.” they said softly, then gently rested their head on his leg affectionately.
“No, no I'm fine really. I'm sleeping and eating I swear. I just don't like leaving his side for too long.”
“Dear, we need to talk. Out of this room.” Aglaea tried to touch him again, and this time Phainon didn't move.
“Why can't we do it here?” he asked, not even raising his eyes on her.
“Lady Aglaea, Tribbie, can I have a talk alone with him, if you don't mind?” Castorice's voice was quiet, yet still sharp like before. As if she was trying to keep herself together and not yell with anger.
Phainon saw Tribbie raise their head to look at Aglaea, then they left a gentle kiss on his hand and turned to leave the room.
Once the door clicked closed, Castorice came into his field of view, moving closer to the bed. She reached out with a hand, her fingertips ghosting over Mydei's forehead.
Phainon suddenly felt like his whole world had just crumbled down and burned to ashes in a fraction of a second. He felt the gut wrenching pain clawing at his heart, as his blurred eyes fixed on Castorice's fingers caressing Mydei's face.
The tears rose up to his eyes quickly, his breath hitched so hard he felt his lungs burn.
“He's dead, Phainon. He's been for the whole time.” Castorice's voice sounded so distant. She cupped Mydei's cheek, brushing his cold skin with her thumb.
“He's not coming back this time. And you need to realize it.”
Her violet eyes shifted on Phainon, that couldn't even see her through the tears.
“I.. I know.” a whine left his throat. “I knew it.” he whispered, heart finally shattering, after he denied the whole situation to himself for all that time.
Mydei wasn't coming back to him. Not that time. And he didn't even get to say goodbye. His last words to him were "Hurry, Deliverer."
“Hug me,” he mumbled lowly.
“Phainon, I can't. I'll call Aglaea if you need..”
“Hug me, Castorice. Please…” his voice was reduced to a quiet whine, low sobs escaping from his throat, tears flowing down his cheeks rapidly. “I need you..”
Castorice seemed unsure, but she slowly made a step closer, keeping her hands joined together at the height of her stomach.
“You know I can't do it, Phainon. As much as I'd love to give you my comfort right now, I can't come any closer.”
Phainon nodded slowly, then reached out suddenly and grabbed Castorice's wrists and brought her hands to cup his cheeks. She gasped loudly, eyes wide. Phainon held her still, nuzzling his face into the warmth of her soft palms.
“It was an accident,” he whispered, as Castorice slowly moved closer to him. He rested his head against her stomach, wrapping his arms around her body, as he started to feel his mind empty, all the pain leaving his body.
“You tripped, and fell on me. You don't have anything to be guilty for.” he continued.
He inspired deeply the scent of fresh flowers coming from Castorice. He's never actually known what she smelled like. The girl wrapped her arms around his neck and head, holding him into a tight and warm hug.
“It's so nice to be able to touch you.” Phainon whispered against her stomach. “Thank you.”
His arms started to lose strength, he felt his consciousness slowly being pulled away from him.
“You didn't have to, Phainon. We were all here for you.” Castorice was crying, while holding him so gently and so affectionately.
“I'm sorry,” he whispered, barely able to stay awake. “I loved all of you with my whole heart. I swear it. But I can't bear a life without both of them.”
Phainon squeezed his eyes shut, and the last thing he felt was Castorice's gentle fingertips caressing his face with affection.