Work Text:
1.
With Pike dead, all versions of ALIE destroyed, and a stable peace set up with the Grounders, Bryan can finally breathe. He doesn’t have to worry about a war weighing down on his shoulders and he and Nathan can just breathe.
Most of Bryan’s friends are gone (almost everyone from Agro Station died, and some more passed during the war) but he doesn’t mind spending time with Nate’s friends. He became pretty good friends with Bellamy and Monty during the war anyway, so hanging out with them in the days that follow isn’t so bad.
He has a book in his hand (something Nate recommended from their small library) and is attempting to read when he catches the tail end of what Monty’s saying from across the room.
“…was when Nate elbowed him in the stomach to…”
Bryan pauses, tipping his head in Monty’s direction with his eyebrows furrowed. He thinks for a moment, wondering when the last time he heard someone call Nathan anything other than his last name besides himself or David, but nothing comes to mind.
“You and Nate are close, then?” Bryan asks, cutting off his story, watching as Monty turns to him with his eyebrows high on his forehead as though he’s confused. “You called him Nate,” Bryan clarifies.
“Oh.” Monty’s face pales. “I…” he trails off, tipping his head slightly in Bellamy’s direction who’s watching the conversation with interest. “I mean yeah, but.” Monty’s eyes shift to the ground. “Sorry. Miller,” he corrects firmly, looking back up.
A laugh escapes Bryan and he shakes his head a little. “No, it’s so weird that no one calls him Nate. Isn’t it?”
“It’s weird that Monty calls him Nate,” Bellamy murmurs lowly. Like he hadn’t meant for Bryan to hear. But Bryan spins to face Bellamy curiously. Bryan waits for Bellamy to elaborate but he doesn’t, he just looks back down at the book in his hand and resumes reading.
Bryan tries not to think too hard on it.
2.
“Not like that,” Nathan laughs, tugging the scissors out of Bryan’s hand. Bryan won’t admit it but he cares very little about learning how to use this fancy technology that Raven and Monty have created. Nate’s a natural to it despite the fact that back on the Ark he wouldn’t touch tech with a ten foot pole. They’re making writing boards for the school, easy enough after Monty taught them all how. “The red wire goes here,” Nate says, guiding Bryan’s hand to the correct port.
“My bad.”
Nate laughs again, and the sound is magnificent. Bryan missed his laugh. The truth of the matter is he’s only helping create these writing boards (in which you can use your fingertips to write, rather than a pen) because he gets to spend more time with his boyfriend. They’re sitting next to one another on the bench, their fingers brushing with every movement.
“You’re awful at this on purpose,” Nate scolds him playfully before leaning in and pressing a kiss to Bryan’s jaw. “Aren’t you?”
“Never,” Bryan lies. But yes, absolutely. He likes wasting time, considering they now have time to waste. “Where’s that other wire go?” Bryan asks as Nate bends to kiss his throat. “Actually…” never mind, he’s about to say when Nate’s hand slips across the front of Bryan’s chest.
But Octavia enters the room then and the two boys pull apart from one another. “Miller,” she calls out. “Monty needs you.” He’s on his feet without any hesitation or question as to why. “South wall,” she says. “Another moonshine thing.”
Nate’s mouth curves into a smile. “What else?” he jokes. He looks to Bryan as he pulls on his jacket, considering it’s starting to get cold outside. “He’s useless without me,” Nate says before bending down and kissing Bryan quickly on the forehead. “Be back soon,” he says as a goodbye.
He doesn’t return for hours.
3.
“No, no,” Bryan watches as Monty tugs the cup of moonshine out of Nate’s hand. “It’s not ready,” Monty says, and Nate rolls his eyes.
They managed to produce a successful batch of moonshine but Monty keeps tweaking it, adding berries or something to make the flavor less strong or more sugary. He’s chosen Nathan to be his taste-tester, and Nathan has agreed. Bryan sits off to the side, watching the two friends laughing merrily as they drink.
“When I say I want to be drunk,” Nate says, reaching for the cup, “I mean like, wasted, Monty. Like, Jobi-level gone.” Monty snorts then and Nate’s face lights up. Bryan had heard the story a few times, how the delinquents who crash-landed had found some nuts that made them all a little loopy. “Gimme,” Nate said, still reaching out for the cup of moonshine.
“It’s not ready,” Monty says another time, swirling it around with another laugh.
“Can this batch please be ready for consumption,” Raven whines from a few seats away. “I don’t get why Miller’s decision is the end-all be-all.”
“Perfect taste buds,” Nate answers.
“What else is his mouth good for?” Monty teases, and Nate laughs so loudly it feels like a punch in the stomach. Plenty, Bryan thinks bitterly. “Here,” Monty says, passing the cup back which Nate quickly tosses back. “Well?”
Nate sighs as the alcohol travels down his throat and then he grins, shuddering slightly in approval. “Perfect,” he answers. Nate reaches over and ruffles Monty’s hair. “Like always.”
Bryan watches as Monty licks his lips and grins, and then Nate echoes the grin, and Bryan wants to sink into the ground.
4.
“I already read that one,” Monty says before tossing the paperback back in Nate’s direction. He laughs, dodging the throw so the book lands on the floor. Bryan’s studiously trying to ignore the two of them in the corner. “You gave it to me a month ago.”
“Jesus, Monty,” Nate says as he returns to the bookshelf. “For someone who claims to hate reading you sure fly through books.”
“Only when you recommend them,” Monty says back with a smile. Bryan feels like he shouldn’t lift his gaze from his book but he has to anyway. He knows that Nathan’s faithful, and he knows that they’re in a good place, but to see his boyfriend with his hand on the small of Monty’s back as he reaches for another book causes a flare of jealousy to shoot through his chest. “Read that too,” Monty says when Nate grabs another book.
“Shit.” He lowers his hand from Monty’s back and turns to look at Bryan. “I keep getting confused with what you’ve read,” he says to Bryan, “and what I’ve told Monty to read.” His lips quirk in a smile. “You’re a slow reader, Babe.”
“I get easily distracted,” Bryan answers before licking his lips.
Monty’s eyes dart the other direction and Nathan smirks, rolling his eyes playfully. “Here,” Nate says, redirecting his attention to Monty. “This one. It’s one of my favorites.” The few seconds that Bryan felt like he was winning in the competition that he’s making up in his head are quickly knocked aside as Nate carefully hands Monty a book.
“Pulling out the big guns, then?” Monty asks with a smile of his own. “Trying to see if I actually read them?”
“I’m going to quiz you,” Nate says, and Monty’s smile widens.
It feels like a moment Bryan shouldn’t be included in.
5.
Bryan’s fast asleep when there’s a soft knock on the door of the room that he shares with Nathan. Despite the fact that Nate’s nuzzled into Bryan’s side, his arm draped across Bryan’s hips, he leaps at the sound of the noise. He stumbles on his feet to the door and pushes it open, letting the light from the hallway filter into the room.
“Hey, sorry,” Bellamy’s voice comes in gently.
“S’fine,” Nate murmurs. Bryan blinks hard, looking into the light. “Everything okay?”
Bellamy’s voice drops but Bryan can pick it up in the silence anyway. “It’s Monty,” he says. “Jasper’s passed out–moonshine, and Raven’s in medical for hip pain, and–”
“He ask for me?” Nate asks.
“C’mon, Miller, you know he doesn’t ask for you. But you’re the only one who can get through to him.” Nate sighs and nods. “Never mind. I can–”
“No, stop that,” Nate grunts. “If he needs me then you know I’m there.” Even half-asleep, that statement makes Bryan’s stomach sink. “Give me a minute, I just have to grab my shoes.” Bellamy must nod because Nate’s already back in their quarters, digging around in the dark for his boots.
“Nate?” Bryan asks, his voice cracking. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah,” he responds softly. “Just go back to sleep.” But Bryan’s wide awake now. He props himself up on his hands and listens as Nate sighs another time. “It’s Monty,” he tells him. “He gets nightmares about the war…”
Bryan knows it’s cruel before he even says it, but it comes out anyway. “Can’t someone else…” he starts, but stops when Nate stands straight up and looks at him in the dark. “Never mind. That was–sorry.”
Nate finishes shoving his feet into his boots. “They’re usually about his mom,” Nate adds sharply. “Considering he watched her bleed out without being able to do anything to stop it.”
Bryan sinks back onto the mattress. “I didn’t mean it like that,” he murmurs. “Sorry.”
“I’ll be back,” Nathan mutters before starting for the door without a goodnight.
Bryan lays in the dark for a solid ten minutes before he throws the blankets off of him and forces his feet into his boots as well. He knows his way to Monty’s quarters well enough that he’s there in a few minutes, and he pauses at the cracked door to his compartment.
Nate’s voice filters through the dark. “Why would I be mad?” he asks gently, and Bryan feels his stomach drop. Nathan isn’t known for being gentle, Bryan knows that much is true, and hearing him be so soft with Monty is just… aching. “Of course I’m not mad.”
Someone’s sniffing loudly and that must be Monty. “I’m sorry,” he rasps. “I told Bellamy not to get you.”
“No, stop that,” Nate says. “I don’t care. You hear me? If you need me then I’m already here, yeah?” Monty sniffs again and Bryan sighs. Nate’s voice drops another level, even softer. “Stop, it’s okay,” he murmurs. “I’m here. I’m right here. It’s okay.”
“I’m sorry,” Monty rasps again. “God, I’m–dammit–I just keep seeing it–”
“Hey, c’mere,” Nate says, and there’s a shifting. “C’mere. Yeah. It’s okay. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere, okay? You’re okay.”
Bryan ignores the guilt in his chest that comes with being jealous of a boy who’s suffering. He pushes himself away from the wall and heads back to his quarters before Nathan can catch him in the hall.
6.
Even with Nathan pressing warm kisses to his neck, Bryan can’t shake this cool feeling that’s wrapping around his heart. Nate’s hands are traveling south and Bryan’s about to be very distracted so he forces himself to say what’s been on his mind.
“Do you love him?” he croaks.
Nate pauses and peels himself away from his boyfriend. “Who?” he asks. “What?”
Bryan scoots backwards slightly so he can sit up as well. “Monty,” he says softly, and is surprised to find anger on his boyfriend’s face. “No, Nate don’t–” he starts, but Nathan rolls away from him as far as he can. “I just–Jesus, Nathan sometimes you look at him and it’s like I’m not even in the room, okay?”
Nate’s eyebrows scrunch together and he looks away, shaking his head. “He’s one of my best friends,” he says. “I love all of them. After what we’ve all been through together… They’re my family, Bryan.”
“Okay, yeah,” he says as he sits up. “But Monty is more than that.”
Nate looks confused, and angrier still. “I–of course he’s not.”
“He’s not more than that?” Bryan presses.
Nathan pauses. It’s the pause that makes Bryan ache. “I don’t know what you want me to say,” Nate murmurs, turning back to look at his boyfriend. “And I don’t know where this is coming from–and why you don’t believe me.”
“It’s not that I don’t believe you,” Bryan tries. “It’s just sometimes it’s like he’s the only person that you see.”
Nate shakes his head again. “Why don’t you trust me anymore?” he asks.
That startles Bryan. “What?”
“You bugged me back during the war,” he says. “And now you think I’m–what, cheating on you?”
“No, no–Nathan,” Bryan explodes. “We talked about that–the bug–and Jesus I’d never–I know you wouldn’t–!”
“That’s what it sounds like,” Nate snaps. “I waited for you for months and now that you’re here, you think I want to be with someone else.”
“It just feels that way sometimes,” Bryan tries again. “Of course I trust you.” He reaches for Nate’s hands before he can pull them away. “Of course I trust you,” he says again. “I love you,” he adds.
“I thought you knew I loved you too,” Nate mutters before climbing out of bed. Bryan sighs, sinking backwards. This wasn’t how he wanted this conversation to go. “My dad wanted to see me for something,” he adds, scanning the floor for his clothes.
“C’mon, Babe, don’t…” Bryan tries, but it’s clear that Nate’s not going to crawl back into bed with him. Bryan rubs at his face. “I don’t want this conversation to end like this.”
“How would you rather it have ended?” Nate grumbles. “Me admitting I’m in love with Monty? Because that’s what it sounds like you want.” Nate snatches up his clothes and quickly wiggles back into them. “I’ll be back later,” he says before striding for the door, and then he’s gone.
7.
Despite their little spat, Nate’s still pretty warm with him. They curl together in bed at night and sit together during meals, but it still feels like there’s a block between them.
The worst part of it, Bryan thinks, is that he can’t be mad at Nathan or Monty. They were together for some difficult months, months that Nate must’ve thought Bryan was dead. And Nate was right, they’d been through so much together. On top of that Monty just lost his mom. Whether Nate is in love with Monty or not doesn’t matter, they’re friends and they need each other.
Also Monty is a stand-up guy. He’s kind and sarcastic and can make Bryan laugh. A little shy at times, as though he’s lost his footing, but overall a welcoming and good person. He hasn’t been rude to Bryan once, and Bryan would consider them friends.
He doesn’t know how it doesn’t feel like a betrayal when he overhears Monty talking to Jasper one night. Bryan’s just passing through, he left his book here earlier and Nate’s insistent that he finish this one soon so they can talk about it. But when he hears voices coming from the hangar he pauses. He would’ve just walked straight in if he didn’t hear Nathan’s name, but he did, so he’s frozen.
It comes from Jasper. “You’re really not going to tell Miller?” he asks, and Bryan hears Monty sigh. “Monty,” Jasper practically whines. “You’ve got to tell him how you feel.”
“I can’t,” Monty says back. “He’s with Bryan and I–I respect that, you know?” Bryan tenses when he hears his own name, and his heart clenches at the subject of the conversation. “He’s happy. That’s what matter.”
“He could be happy with you,” Jasper tells him.
“I couldn’t do that to them,” Monty says weakly. “I’m–Jasper I’m a freaking mess. You know that. And that’s not–I’m not–that’s not who I am.” Bryan hears the sound of sloshing liquid, probably moonshine. They must be drinking. “Nate’s important to me,” Monty murmurs. “I’m okay just being his friend. I don’t need anything else.”
“But you want the else,” Jasper says. “You want to be with him.”
“I couldn’t do that to them,” Monty says another time.
Bryan leaves the hangar before he can hear anything else.
8.
Bryan doesn’t mention to Nate what he heard. He can’t. Because every time he thinks about Monty his throat feels tight. And he worries about what Nate would say in response. What he would do.
He is acutely aware of every interaction Nate has with Monty though. Acutely aware of the way Nate’s face lights up when Monty says something. Acutely aware of the way Monty’s eyes flicker with guilt when he realizes Bryan’s nearby. Acutely aware of his own tight chest as they feed off of one another’s energy.
Bryan’s so caught up in Monty and Nate and Monty and Nate that he almost volunteers to join them on a mission to the old dropship. He switched off of the guard when the war was over, joining Agro Station in their mission to feed everyone in Arkadia instead. But he seriously considers donning the jacket to follow them to the dropship.
“Shouldn’t be gone too long,” Nate says as he pulls on his gear. “Monty and Raven just need to get some old wires, or something. Shit if I know.”
“And you have to go why?” Bryan asks again. “I thought we were at peace.”
“We are,” Bellamy says as he strides into the room too. They’re taking the humvee out instead of hiking. “But wild animals are still pretty bad around these parts sometimes.” The only reason Bryan’s not completely stressed is because it’s not just Monty and Nate.
It’s Monty and Nate and Bellamy and Raven and Jasper and Clarke and Harper and Octavia. Most of the old delinquent crew. Nothing would happen with all of them there, right?
“Besides I like paying my respects,” Nate tells Bryan after he’s buttoned his jacket. He tugs his boyfriend toward him and kisses him on the mouth quickly. “Wells was my friend, you know.”
Bryan’s hand comes up to cup Nate’s cheek. “I know,” he says softly. “Just be safe.”
“No promises,” Nate teases before kissing him again.
And apparently it was good not to keep any promises.
The humvee returns a lot sooner than expected and it’s not full of joy like most of their trips are, but panic. Bryan senses it at once and enters the garage just in time to watch Bellamy sling Nathan over his shoulder, Clarke on the other side of Nate to help hold him up as well, as they rush to medical. He’s frozen for a moment, confused, before he watches Monty and Jasper with Harper in their arms as well, also rushing to medical.
“What happened?” Bryan croaks, quickly following them on their trek.
“Rouge Grounders,” Octavia grits out as she rushes alongside them. “Poison gas. Harper and Miller were just a bit too close.”
“Rouge Grounders?” Bryan asks. They’re supposed to be at peace.
“Not happy with the alliance,” Octavia clarifies bitterly.
The next couple of hours are a blur of aches and nerves. Bryan remembers the poisoned air that killed that girl Zoe and he wonders if it’s happening again, if Nate’s the next one to go. He hardly even notices Monty pacing the hallway too, just as tense as he is.
Clarke finally exits the medical wing. “Harper and Miller are okay,” she says to everyone waiting, and the room sighs collectively. “And they’re going to be fine. But they’re both sleeping now. Mom gave them a sedative because pulling the toxins from their system was painful. They should be awake in a few hours.”
“No side effects?” Monty asks, and Clarke shakes her head. None. He sighs again in relief before sinking into a chair.
“I suggest,” Bellamy says, also exiting medical, “that you all go about your daily tasks. No use in sitting around waiting for them to wake up.”
It takes a few minutes but finally the room disperses, Bryan included. He’s needed out on the field anyway considering there are so few farmers left and working will cause the time to pass quickly anyway. Finally, after hours of digging and planting and harvesting, Bryan cleans up and makes his way to medical.
As he goes to enter the room, Monty exits. Their eyes meet for a brief moment before Monty says, “Na–Miller’s still asleep.” Bryan tips his head into a nod. “Harper’s awake. Drowsy. When N–Miller wakes up, he’ll probably be the same.”
“Thank you,” Bryan says sincerely, and Monty nods. The boy hurries away, again looking guilty, and Bryan enters the room.
It’s another half hour before Nathan wakes up too, and like Monty said he’s pretty out of it. He blinks a few times, confused, and tries to climbs out of bed. Bryan presses forward to keep him down, his hands gentle against Nate’s shoulders as he coaxes him to lay back down. But Nate’s insistent.
“Monty,” Nathan rasps roughly, and Bryan feels his heart twist.
“Babe, it’s me,” Bryan says softly, crouching down to Nate’s side, his hand carefully brushing his cheek. “Bryan.”
His tongue darts out to wet his lips but it doesn’t seem like enough. Bryan motions for Abby to bring more water and she nods from across the room. “Monty,” Nathan tries again, his eyebrows coming together as though he’s in pain. “Is he okay?”
Bryan blinks a few times, running the back of his hand over Nate’s forehead. “What?”
“Is Monty okay?” Nate asks again, his voice thick. “Did he make it?”
“He’s fine,” Bryan says softly. “Everyone’s okay, everyone made it.” Abby arrives with the cup of water and he smiles at her in silent thanks before she walks away again. “Monty was here earlier.”
“He’s okay?” Nate asks another time. “He shouldn’t have been there…”
“Nate, Babe, he’s fine.” Finally Nate sinks back onto the cot, relief crossing his face. “What do you mean he shouldn’t have been there?”
After taking a few giant gulps of water Nate sighs loudly. “We were talking,” he says weakly. “Harper and I were supposed to be ahead of everyone, check out the area to make sure it was safe. But Monty was with me… he just wasn’t supposed to be there…”
The image of Nathan collapsing from poison gas, Monty inches away as he cries out in panic, surges to Bryan’s mind. It makes him ache again.
“He’s okay,” Bryan says another time. Nate sighs again, letting his eyes fall shut as he curls into his side.
9.
Nate’s still in medical two days later, Abby wanting to make absolutely sure that there aren’t any lingering effects. So after a long day in the fields Bryan heads straight to see his boyfriend who absolutely hates bed rest. But he pauses in the doorway at the sound of Nathan laughing brightly.
“You’re ridiculous,” he hears Nate say, again with a laugh. “That isn’t what happened!”
“I watched it with my own two eyes,” Monty responds, “and that is one hundred percent what happened.” Nate laughs another time, a laugh warmer than Bryan’s heard in months. “You literally dove in front of me and Harper. And rolled. Like a freaking ninja.”
“Stop it,” Nate says, “I did not.”
“You did.”
Again Nate laughs, “Well you weren’t supposed to be there! I panicked!” The room falls quiet. “You weren’t supposed to be there,” Nate says again, his voice softer. “Jesus, Monty, I thought you were dead.”
“You collapsed,” Monty returns, just as gently. “I thought you were dead.” Bryan edges around the corner slightly and feels a rush of cold air when he finds Monty’s hand gently resting on Nate’s cheek, Nate covering it with his own hand as he leans into Monty’s touch. “I thought I lost you too,” Monty says softly, his voice breaking toward the end.
“I’m too stubborn to die,” Nate murmurs. “You know that.”
A weak laugh escapes Monty. “Yeah.” Bryan watches as Nate twists their hands, tangling their fingers together in such a natural, familiar way. “Nate,” Monty murmurs. “Don’t throw yourself at death for me. Okay? I can’t lose you.”
“If it saves you...” Nate starts, and Bryan can’t bear to hear the rest. He marches out of medical without looking back.
10.
When Nate returns from the medical wing, Bryan’s nearly done packing his things. Nathan pauses in the doorway as Bryan turns to face him, offering a weak smile. “What are…” Nate starts, trailing off as he figures it out himself what it is that Bryan’s doing. So he changes his question. “Why?”
Bryan stands from where he’s crouched on the floor digging through a drawer. “Because I deserve someone who look at me the way you look at him,” he says.
Nate’s eyebrows come together. “Bryan,” he says, shaking his head. “That’s–stop,” he strides into the room. “I love you,” Nate says as he reaches him. “Don’t do this. Talk to me.”
“I love you too,” Bryan says gently, “but it’s not enough.” Nate’s face falls and again he shakes his head. “I’ve been talking to you. You can’t–Nate, you can’t deny how you feel about him. I’m hopeful, not blind.”
“No,” Nate rasps. “Stop–I–Bryan I haven’t… I haven’t done anything,” he croaks.
“I know,” Bryan murmurs. “You’re too noble for that.” He reaches out, his hand curving around Nate’s cheek. “But you love him, too.” Nate opens and closes his mouth, not denying it, not saying anything. “It’s okay,” Bryan says weakly. “It is.”
“I’m sorry,” Nate whispers back. “God, I–”
“Stop, stop,” Bryan says gently. “It’s okay.”
“It’s not,” Nathan croaks. “Bryan…”
“It’s okay,” Bryan says again. He pulls him toward him and kisses him one last time. “Go be happy,” he murmurs, his voice shaking. “You deserve that.”
So do I, he thinks.
11.
Four months have passed and the summer sun is hot on Bryan’s neck. He reaches up and wipes the sweat from his forehead as he makes the trek back into the walls of Arkadia from the fields, smiling when a boy joins him to his left and offers him a bottle of water.
“Long day?” Trent asks, and Bryan dips his head into a nod. “Still up for dinner with my mom?”
Bryan laughs around the mouth of the water bottle. “I’m going to have to meet her eventually,” he says. “Long days don’t change that.” Despite the heat, Trent laces his fingers with Bryan’s and squeezes once.
They make a turn around the corner and Bryan’s steps almost falter when he sees Nathan and Monty leaning against a nearby wall. The pose is familiar, something Nate used to do to Bryan, using his hips to crowd him backwards. Where there used to be a flare of jealousy there’s now a certain type of warmth that makes Bryan feel… happy, at seeing the two of them together.
“C’mon,” Nate’s saying gently, his hand cradling Monty’s cheek. “You can’t seriously be mad at me about that.”
Monty rolls his eyes in response but there’s a smile on his face. “Admit that Jasper’s moonshine isn’t better than mine,” Monty murmurs back, “and I’ll forgive you.”
“I’m not a liar, Green,” Nate responds. Monty’s nose wrinkles as Nathan leans in, tipping his chin back to kiss him quickly. “I love you,” he hums, and Monty’s nose unwrinkles. “That counts for something, yeah?”
“Mm…” Monty tugs Nate’s shirt forcefully. “Love you too,” he exhales before kissing him again.
Bryan looks away, trying to fight off his smile. Trent tugs on his hand, a curious eyebrow arched. “You okay?” Trent asks.
“Never better,” Bryan admits with a smile.