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Cha Eugene is certain that "Bad Cha Eugene" was flirting with Park Moondae.
He recalled how that version of him had made his hyung flustered, and how he confidently declared that he's more handsome than TeSTAR's Cha Eugene due to his tattoo.
It was flirting, no matter how Cha Eugene remembers it.
His memory of being in STier is fuzzy, and it felt like a distant dream, but the thing is, it was still him. Cha Eugene can recall trying to date. He flirted with women, men- after his STier contract ended, there was a period when he tried to fill the hole and dread in his heart. It didn't work.
Bad Cha Eugene isn't as inexperienced and innocent as Cha Eugene. He didn't know how to feel about it, because gaining his memories made him recognize the attraction and feelings he has towards Park Moondae.
His kind, and caring hyung who always understood him the best.
His Moondae hyung who always knew how to cheer him up.
Cha Eugene couldn't recall how many times he replayed Bad Cha Eugene's Waterbomb performance, but Park Moondae must have sensed something is wrong. He's always like this, he knows when he's upset, he knows what would make him happy.
With a freshly cooked bowl of Bokkeumbap in his hands, his hyung sat beside him on the couch.
"Do you want some?"
"Wow!"
Excitedly, Cha Eugene nodded his head. The fried rice looked appetizing, and with him having tasted this exact dish cooked by his hyung before, he knew that the taste is amazing.
He was right. A single spoon brought him a happy feeling.
Even if Park Moondae's heart might not flutter the same way it does towards Bad Cha Eugene, he knew that this bowl is a proof of his hyung's concern, a proof that Park Moondae cares about him.
Having feelings for Moondae hyung felt wrong, but a single glance and attention from him is enough to brighten his day.
It was enough for him.
Or, that's what he thought.
When his hyung's eyes became fixed on the performance that had been playing on the screen, he had a look on his face that he never gave him.
Why won't he look at him this way? Aren't they the same person?
Is it because he's more childish than him?
Putting down the now empty bowl on the table, Cha Eugene paused the video that had been repeatedly playing on the screen.
"Hyung, who do you like more, 'Bad Cha Eugene', or me?"
Hearing his question, the older man froze.
"Why are you asking this? They're both you."
Then why don't you look at me the same way?
When he was Bad Cha Eugene before, he remembered how adamant he was on being treated like he's different than him. He is in fact, different. He had experienced a lot of pain and hardships on his STier days. Meanwhile, Cha Eugene lived a happy life with TeSTAR.
But Bad Cha Eugene is his idol. Cha Eugene is only his dongsaeng.
He won't look at him admiration, even if they're just the same person.
"That's true, but who's more handsome, hyung? [Do you think he's more handsome than me because of the tattoo?]"
Hearing this, a familiar deadpan expression formed on Park Moondae's face.
Ah, he's finding it stupid.
"You look the same." he answered, "The tattoo doesn't make much difference to me."
"I'll take it that we're both handsome!" Cha Eugene smiled, "Do you want me to give you another fan service?"
"What do you want me to cook for you this time?"
Since he asked Park Moondae to cook before, it's normal for him to expect something similar, but somehow, Cha Eugene felt like breaking his expectations.
"Not like that. [I meant like, a real fan service.]"
"I don't need it."
"You can ask me to do anything for you, hyung. [If you haven't thought of anything, I'll think of one for you!]"
Looking in deep thought, Park Moondae spoke again, "If you really want to, just think of doing anything you're comfortable with."
"Really? [How about, a kiss?]"
Moondae's eyes went wide. Despite trying to keep a calm expression, Cha Eugene noticed the redness forming on his hyung's cheeks.
"... I don't think fan service is supposed to go that far. Unless you meant a flying kiss."
"I'm willing to do this much for you." Cha Eugene assured him, "Because I want it, hyung."
I like you.
Without any warning, Cha Eugene leaned closer, grabbing him on his chin, his other hand pressed on the space between his legs. It left a small distance between their faces, and if he were to lean even closer, their lips would have touched.
The two locked eyes for a while.
Park Moondae's eyes were dilated, and rather than pushing him away, he remained still. It made Cha Eugene feel hopeful.
"Hyung... Can I?"
It was a shy nod. He didn't know if his hyung was aware of the butterflies it gave him.
"[Stop me if you don't want this, hyung]"
And with that, Cha Eugene closed the gap between their lips.
He intended it to be a short, but firm kiss, but the feeling of Park Moondae's lips made him feel greedy. When the other man opened his mouth, Cha Eugene found himself inserting his tongue, exploring every part that he could.
"Mnn.."
Park Moondae desperately clung to him, and at some point, he was kissing back. As their lips moved against each other, Cha Eugene's hands began to wander inside his shirt, and before he knew it, he had him pinned on the couch.
When they parted their lips, the sight of his flustered hyung beneath him brought him back.
The panting, the heavy breathing. He was about to go insane.
Anyone could have walked in on them in their dorm. The other TeSTAR members might see. Park Moondae might also never see him the same way.
Afraid of what may occur, he broke the lingering tension between them.
"What do you think about my fan service, hyung?" he tried his best to act cheerfully, in futile attempts to mask his panic, "[Did it make your heart race?]"
"N-no."
Quickly, Park Moondae got up, fixing his disheveled look, "Let's not do this again."
He was expecting this, but it hurts more than it should.
"There's no need to feel shy. You're my fan!"
Cha Eugene made a kissy face to tease him, not wanting his hyung to feel awkward around him, and for him to feel like anything has changed.
He couldn't let him see that that kiss meant everything to him.
"I'm putting you in a low sodium diet."
"Hyung no!! [Unfair!]"
When Park Moondae eventually left the living room, Cha Eugene remained seated on the couch.
Taking a single glance on the paused screen, he wept.