Work Text:
Sonic was never one to be insecure. He had moments, sure, where he devalued himself and felt like a burden, but nothing had ever entirely riddled his skin to the point where he felt helpless, inadequate, or unwanted. The most loving and supportive friends surrounded him, ones that would lift him up the moment they had a chance, so Sonic was never left in times of depression for too long.
This same attitude had stayed with him for the remainder of their friendships. He could rely on them as equally as they could rely on him; he loved them all so much. They knew him inside out, more than he thought he knew himself. They always appeared to see right through him like a window, looking beyond the vast emerald of his eyes and into his soul.
While it made him unnerved, he knew he was a little too dense for his own good, and had them to thank for his eventual, slow realisation that his feelings for Shadow were not-so-friendly, and more of an ‘I know you're my rival, but can I kiss you?’ way. Initially, it was extremely hard to come to terms with, after all, he'd never been too bothered with romance or all of that nonsense. He was a hero, someone dependable, and couldn't be caught up in the messy tribulations of love and relationships.
But there was something about Shadow, about the way he looked at him, the way his face tensed less when he was around, and the captivating way he'd try to hide a smile that scrawled across his face, that made him want to throw everything into the wind and leap into it. He didn't want to think about the consequences whenever he found himself lost in the other’s eyes or distracted by the low, gentle hum of his voice at night.
However, uncertainty had haunted him, and he felt himself become overwhelmed with insecurities like nothing before, ones that rose up to the surface of his mind with hushed voices embedded with malice — almost as if in an attempt to reign himself in and bring him down. A method of self-control, perhaps, as he found himself cockily (instinctually) beginning to cross the thin line between friendship and lovers. It was a tightrope, all marred and twisted, history laying between its crevices never to be ignored, but instead, he used it as a jump rope.
He began to think about the way he looked a little more, took care and focused intently on his appearance whenever he was going to see Shadow for their weekly runs together, and that only led to the gateway for more internal conflict and self-discrepancies. He wished he was more attractive, the quills set upon his body never seeming to be well-kept enough, and he felt more ridiculous as the days went by. He wished he understood Shadow better, wished he could be less of a mindless dork who can't think twice before words rush out of his mouth before he can process them— he began to think about everything he'd been lacking, which he never really thought about before. He suddenly wanted so many things to change about himself but could never do anything about them.
He became so enamoured by everything Shadow did, from the way he moved to the smooth tones of his voice, that regardless of his evasive personality, he found himself growing fonder and fonder of him the longer he was around the other. These feelings festered into something far more than love, and that had plummeted Sonic completely into the depths of confusion. Tails, the genius brother he is, had pointed it out for him.
“Sonic,” he had caught a breath, “I don't think this is a crush. This is more.” Sonic watched his face twist into concern and worry, because, out of everyone, the figure of all of those enormous feelings was Shadow. The ultimate lifeform, the most offhandish, emotionally constipated individual he knew and unbelievably adored.
However, when Shadow had started to consider him a little more equally, potentially as a friend, it made all of those insecurities fade away, simmer down into something that couldn't be seen unless he lit the flame himself, and he was comfortable and confident again. Shadow saw him as a worthy opponent — someone who could match him like no other. He never thought about all of those things again, and when he did, he found it much easier to fan them away than it ever had been before.
He was okay with watching from afar for a while, knowing that Shadow didn't think he was awful or unpleasant to be around and settled for a distant pining that made his heart flutter until it became unbearable. It became painful when Shadow would shoot a small flirtatious quip, feeling that there was no real emotion that lay behind it and feeling guilty for taking it a different way on his end. He'd make comments about his appearance sometimes, telling him he had looked different— “You look unusually okay.” as he had graciously put it— suppressing those insecurities from before but making it harder and harder to shove down his growing feelings.
Then, he confessed to Shadow, and the overwhelming joy that bubbled up in his heart when he found out that his feelings were reciprocated was nothing he could manage to put into words. His eyes had welled, his arms had reached out, and his voice had let out a genuine, love-struck laugh at his boyfriend’s grumpy huff at the open affection— everything about it just seemed too good to be true.
3 months later, their relationship seemed to be going well. Shadow became far more open with his feelings verbally, they hung out alone a lot more, Sonic seemed able to get Shadow to calm down more easily when he was irate or upset, and things were just generally more connected between them — he finally got to understand Shadow on the deeper level he had ached for, to the point where nobody else could. Sonic was elated knowing that he could call Shadow his, and he was Shadow’s.
Except, as of now, there is something that Sonic feels a little apprehensive, and perhaps even insecure, about. It's something so little and stupid, as he finds it, but simultaneously means a lot to him.
Shadow’s aversion to physical touch.
For the first two months, it never bothered him, the way Shadow would flinch at the slightest brush of unexpected skin contact, or the way his eyes would twitch and his muscles overcame with tension when Sonic would ask to kiss him.
He realises that not everyone is completely okay with physical touch, and that's fine. After talking to Amy a little about it, he had learned to manage that, be more sensitive about his touches and always ask beforehand if he could, accepting it if he received a 'no’. Instead, Shadow looks disgusted, as if touching Sonic was the last thing he wanted to do, and he didn't know how to feel about it. Was there even a right way to feel about it?
For someone in a relationship, that's not something you'd want to see in your partner, at least not for him. Shadow had never told him he couldn't do those things, in fact said he had wanted to at the start of the relationship. Nevertheless, he expected Shadow to be a little restrained, emotionally reserved, or isolated from these types of things, but for Shadow to shift away from him when he gets too close, or to shy away awkwardly after almost 3 months of dating him, he feels a little unnerved, to say the least.
It makes him feel gross, unwanted, and undesirable. He's tried desperately to tell himself that it wasn't him, that he wasn't disgusting, or that Shadow wasn't ashamed of being with him. But the mistiness that was present around his brain before made it difficult to ignore the thoughts as they shouted loudly and tore him apart from the inside. Every time he recalled those facial expressions, his avoidance, that sheepish movement of his body getting further away from his, his heart felt like shredded paper, slowly being torn and torn apart until there was nothing left — he's scolded himself countless times for sounding so incredibly pathetic, swatting it away with the usual façade of over-confidence he puts on and decided he was probably looking into this too much.
But what does he expect, exactly? It's selfish of him to ask for any more from Shadow. He's done so much for him without even realising, lifting him without so much as acknowledging it, that it's ridiculous to get upset over such a small, small thing, right?
He’d ignore it. He'd forget about it and let Shadow be. He'd known he’d fine never touching Shadow again if he had asked, he could love him as is. But he just wanted to get rid of that pained expression on his face. The one that made him want to curl up into a ball and never do anything again.
He’d get over it.
…
He couldn't get over it. Weeks had passed since the initial thought, and it's been weighing on him harder and harder the more he tried to ignore it. He found himself subconsciously paying more attention to the way Shadow reacted to little touches and just made himself feel much, much worse.
Touches where Shadow was told beforehand had less of a negative reaction than unexpected ones, but everything was the same when it came to kissing. Sonic had tested out the waters by asking for a kiss on the cheek, then doing it unexpectedly a few hours later, and received the exact same huff, the same furrow in his eyebrow, and felt his heart sink.
It wasn't Shadow’s fault, he knew that. It was just that if something was really wrong or if Sonic was overstepping any boundaries he wasn't aware of, or if it was just him in general, he wanted to know. He'd hate himself if Shadow was forcing himself to be involved in something he didn’t want to do.
This got him thinking all sorts of things, like if Shadow was too afraid of telling him no, if Shadow had only accepted his confession out of fear of ruining whatever they had instead of actually returning his feelings, if Shadow accepted it just to test it out and was now regretting it, if Shadow didn't want to look like a fool and break up first, if Shadow felt bad about wanting to end things so quickly — in every situation, Sonic felt like he was the issue. Unfortunately, being the “fastest thing alive” accounted for his brain, also.
Maybe it was a little dumb or selfish to make himself out to be the problem in every case, but he couldn't help it. In his head, he must be lacking communication as he usually does or was being an idiot. Either that, or he must not make Shadow feel comfortable enough to be open about those things, which made him feel equally awful. He knew he'd have trouble being less of an airhead, but he didn't want to be an awful partner.
So, he prayed this wasn't the case, as he sat on his bed, fairy lights hanging above his head basking the room in a delicate, gentle light that greatly contrasted the dark thoughts that riddled his mind. His fur felt cold, and so did the window he gazed through, fog glazing his eyes as he watched the palm trees sway in the winter wind. A warmth was missing, whether that was internal or external, he didn't know. He felt empty and hollow, a shell of a person at that moment, and couldn't shake the feeling off.
He didn't feel comfortable in his skin or with the way fur splayed messily across his body, and it made him shiver. In a quick attempt at getting rid of it, he used a brush to straighten them out, a few hairs strangely and carelessly sticking out. He always feels a bit self-conscious with his fur like this — he doesn't think it suits his loud, excitable personality very well — but at this moment, he really didn't care.
He didn't care if Shadow was going to be there in 5 minutes, showing up looking ridiculously good as usual, fur freshly cleaned and dried, eyeliner beautifully shaping his gorgeous eyes, and lips and nose red from the cold chill of the outdoors. His appearance had Sonic weak in the knees, but Shadow knew that already.
Okay, maybe he did care, just a little.
But anything was better than leaving that feeling to grow more and more. His stomach was already twisting, turning and flipping, rolling over with exaggerated movements, and even more so when a knock sounded at his bedroom door. He didn't hear Tails let him in through the front at all as he occupied himself with thoughts of the other.
Heart leaping into his throat, he gulped it down and walked over, turning the doorknob and hoping that the smile he quickly crafted to put on his face was convincing enough to go without question.
Shadow quirked an eyebrow, arms crossing over each other as he let himself in and flopped down onto the bed. They had planned a movie night as it was Saturday and the last week had been absolute hell with missions — they needed a break badly, and being with Shadow made Sonic feel like he had all the time in the world to unwind.
Well, at least it was like that. Shaking the thoughts away, Sonic grabbed his computer and sat next to Shadow, their legs spreading out across the bed with feet planted into the duvet, side by side.
Sadly, he couldn't help how tense and uneasy he felt, and couldn't control how obvious he was being with his body language. He had, once again, subconsciously sat further apart from Shadow than he usually did, not immensely enough to be awkward, but enough so that they weren't touching. It seems as though his brain is being so much more cautious now with every action he makes that his body is moving for him.
It didn't help how stunning Shadow looked at that moment, as he always does, with the glow of the yellow light casting shadows beautifully across his face, lighting a glint in his deep red eyes, and Sonic didn't even want to look away. His fur looked both soft and tough; smooth to the touch but tight underneath. His quills bristled against the back of his bed railing, skewing in place, a funny mess of spikes flattening against it. Every detail was so gorgeous and so Shadow. Sonic was utterly whipped - so much that he didn't know if he wanted to stay there forever or run away because of all the hurt it brought back.
He debated asking him about it tonight, but his thoughts and feelings had exhausted him so much to the point where he didn't have the energy (for once). Not right now. All he needed right now was to forget about everything, to just live in the moment for a few seconds, and to just have a blissful escape from reality.
Shadow had been silent since he had walked in, making Sonic's nerves spike even more, and making that dream feel hopeless now. It was unusual for Shadow to be so lacking in conversation; he at least always had a quick insult or quip to say into the air, but he was just…sitting there. He hoped he was just in a bad mood or something as usual, as terrible as that sounds, and opened Netflix to search for a much-needed distraction. However, it seems as though Shadow was more perceptive than he thought.
"So, Shads, what kind of genre are you thinking tod-"
"Sonic."
Sonic immediately paused, fingers stiffening against his keyboard as his body shot upright and facial features tightened. He knew that whenever Shadow used his actual name, instead of “Hedgehog” or something, he could be serious - he had something on his mind. Biting his lip, Sonic scrolled his eyes over to meet him for the second time since he walked in, this time for longer than just one second glance.
He wished he didn't.
“You've been acting… off,” Shadow’s eyes looked down at the hands that fiddled with a section of bedsheet, eyes furrowing in a frustrated way. “I didn't want to say anything and just waited for you to talk to me, but I want to know.” He looked back up, and all Sonic could do was stare.
Shadow had been worried about him?
The thought had left as quickly as it came. Of course he was, he was his boyfriend after all, and regardless, Shadow would always show concern about him when they were friends, in his own way at least. Sonic just didn't realize that he had been obvious enough to make Shadow find out and look so… insecure.
His tongue felt like lead at the way Shadow was looking at him, eyes softer than ever, with different shades of red becoming clearer the closer he focused on them. He found himself dazed now, distracted, completely forgetting anyone had spoken at all.
"Hey," Shadow brought a hand up to his face, waving it back and forth. "Earth to Hedgehog?" He resorted back to his nickname, and Sonic felt lighter.
"Um, sorry," He jumped and laughed awkwardly, looking away and back down to the computer, trying to draw a wide grin on his face. "I'm alright."
"Stop lying." Sonic couldn't help but let out a huff of laughter at that because, yeah, so bluntly, the other was right.
"Tell me what's wrong." Shadow tried again, this time leaning over at the computer and putting the lid down slightly as if to remind Sonic that he was serious about having this conversation right now.
"Don't worry about it! It's nothi-" He started, but couldn't let himself finish. If he said that now, he'd still be lying, and he knows that he would kick himself later on when he recalls this conversation at the hole he dug for himself. He wasn't ready for this conversation now, but Shadow has given him an opening, so he's going to take it.
"Nevermind. It's…" He shifted in place, still not looking at the hedgehog across from him. "about you."
He felt Shadow stiffen too, eyes widening a little as his shoulders slumped almost defeatedly.
"Right…" He started, looking away from Sonic now and to the poster on the wall opposite him.
Sonic took a deep breath, almost choking on how thick the air felt around them, and tried his hardest to make his vocal cords work again.
"I'm just- I'm just gonna talk for a while. Let me finish, then you can-" He rushed, eyes looking down tiredly, the bags under his eyes from multiple sleepless nights feeling heavier than before he started talking. "Ask questions. Or say something. If you want. Okay?"
Shadow nodded, clearly nervous too, as his fingers clasped and unclasped the bedsheet more, a habit he picked up from Sonic.
"So, in the few months we've been dating, it's been good and like-" Sonic closed his eyes, hoping it would make it much easier to get the words out of his mouth. "I love being with you but I just,"
He fumbled the words along his tongue for a second, before seeing the panicked facial expression immediately rise on Shadow's facial features and began feeling frantic himself.
"I'm not breaking up with you!" He said louder, waving his hands in front of him, seeing Shadow's face release a little tension at the comment. "I'm trying my best, sorry, I-"
"Sonic, it's fine." Shadow said eventually, giving Sonic a reassuring look and smiling a little, tugging at his heartstrings. He began once again, trying to compose himself and not pay attention to the fastening of his heart rate at the sight.
"I've just noticed that whenever I touch you or try to kiss you, whether that's when I ask or when I don't ask, you seem a little… disgusted? Shy? like you want to avoid it?" It came out as a messy bunch of questions, but Sonic felt the words rolling off before he could stop them.
"-and it's made me worry that you're trying to do things with me that you don't want to do or aren't comfortable with doing, and I don't want to push any boundaries or anything like that," He took a deep breath, closing his eyes again, silently thanking Amy for her input and education.
"I'd hate to hurt you in any way and I want you to tell me if I'm making you uncomfortable or something. I guess I'm just upset about it not because- not because I think it's your fault I just-" The words became shakier as he said each of them, each syllable beginning to be backed up with a certain fragility he doesn't think he's ever heard in his voice before.
"I just hope it's not because I'm grossing you out, or you know, you're not- you don't like me anymore, or something," His breath hitched, a red colour tinting his nose along with it, as he tried to gulp down the lump forming in his throat and push away the ache in his chest. "and it sounds stupid saying it out loud and I sound so pathetic but honestly I just need you to tell me what's right and wrong because I can't stand not knowing if I'm hurting you."
He finally took in a deep breath now as he let it all out, chest burning from the overexposure and hands shaking from the pounding of his heartbeat. He would trade this feeling for anything, even just general sadness, because right now, he felt like his whole body was being lit aflame.
Shadow sat silently again, not saying a word. Sonic could hear his mouth opening and closing in the still air, searching for the right words to say, and then heard him intake a breath too. Then, he felt a warm, gloved hand lay across his back, thumb moving gently back and forth, and Sonic tightened his eyes at the feeling.
Until he could look back up, Shadow didn't take his hand off of him. He focused on slowing his anxiously pacing heart, but while the sentiment was appreciated, to Sonic, that hand could have meant so many things at that point, like 'I'm not afraid of touching you', or, 'I'm guilty because what you said is true', making him feel even more uneasy. Sonic didn't want to ever believe the latter was true but he had to be prepared to accept it now.
He looked upwards after finally regaining some sort of confidence and met Shadow’s eyes once more. He stilled at the other’s sullen facial expression, watching as Shadow hurriedly rubbed at his eyes with the back of his hand and coughed slightly.
"I- God, Sonic, you're so-" He gritted his teeth, a hopeless breath releasing from his mouth again. "Don't be ridiculous. I- damn it,” He bit his lip, hand fisting in his quills, getting more and more frustrated with himself and alarming Sonic at the same time.
"Shads?"
"I love you."
His heart soared, a warmth making its way up his arms and neck, wrapping around his cheeks and filling his head with sunlight. It was the first time he'd heard it— in fact, he hadn't even said it to him yet, and the fact that Shadow was saying it now was- it was-
"I've never been afraid of touching you, God, I just- I'm not used to it," He rubbed a palm across his face. "I haven't really been… touched much. Ever."
He looked to Sonic again with sad eyes, biting his lip harder, and then looked back down at his hands.
"The only time I was ever touched was by-” He swallowed a gulp, choking out the name between his teeth, “Maria, which was… a long time ago," He sighed audibly, eyes burning holes in Sonic’s bedsheets. "and that was only a few times, and clearly not enough."
"Suddenly being in a… relationship where that touch is- more often and is anything but harsh, it's overwhelming," He sighed. "And I'm having a hard time adjusting to it. My fur feels sensitive all the time and I feel jittery and anxious, like my body is defective, and it makes me frustrated. I'm supposed to be the ultimate lifeform.” He started to rant now, clearly just letting go of his words as they came to his head.
"And you- god you're so…” he trailed off, clearly getting a little embarrassed. “You're pretty, Sonic. Anytime you come close heart rate gets so fast that my first response is to jump away. It’s like a fight-or-flight response, and it's annoying because I do want to- to do those things with you but it's-" He put his head in his hands. "I’ve wanted you for so long, and the fact that I even get the opportunity to- it just feels surreal— and now that I can't even do that I- I can't stand it."
Sonic felt his tears form a little, the lump swelling further in his throat while his heart beat out of his chest, staring at Shadow in absolute awe. His ears couldn't believe a single thing he was hearing as they flicked towards the tones of Shadow’s voice, and although his sentences contained a few hidden words, he understood everything. He even pinched himself subtly to make sure he wasn't dreaming.
"I looked put off and, well, 'disgusted'," He pulled his hands away from his face to form air quotes with his fingers. "because I just didn't know how else to react- but I'm sorry Sonic," He looked back now, guilt shadowing his eyes. "I should've told you. I should've- reminded you of all of these soppy feelings and maybe, maybe you wouldn't have thought all of those awful things-"
He then seemed to get annoyed, angry and sad all at once, and with the tensity of the conversation, Sonic felt his heart tug pitifully.
"You're an idiot for thinking you're anything less than the world to me. You're so stupid and dumb and awful and lame, and I love everything about you." He shut his mouth, surprising himself at his words and bringing a hand to cover his mouth. "Sorry. It's true, though."
Sonic started to laugh then. A full-blown chuckle, a smile easily making its way onto his face, eyes scrunching up as he hunched over. The relief washed over him smoothly, hitting him hard enough to make him let go. He's felt lighter than he had been in weeks, so light that he thinks he could've fallen asleep right there and then. He was so, so incredibly relieved.
“What’s so funny, Hedgehog?" He hissed, crossing his arms, but letting out a smile of his own.
"Sorry, sorry, you have such a way with words, y'know."
"Shut up!"
"God I'm just so," He wiped his eyes and looked back up at him, shaking his head. "relieved. I get it, Shadow. I understand. Thanks for telling me."
He smiled, and saw Shadow gaze at him, his smile dropping to just stare. Sonic also got lost, finding himself in a trance as he stared at him back. He instinctually inched forward, that invisible tug drawing him in, but stopped himself.
Shadow's eyes had widened slightly at the action, but Sonic didn't feel the same pang of pain in his heart from before — the pure bliss of understanding already showing itself through the darkness. Not inching away, but staying in place, he spoke gently and confidently.
"How can I… What can I do to help?" He questioned, settling for a smile while considering every change in Shadow’s facial expressions, intently watching for negatives and positives. He saw him shift in his place, shoulders hunched up a little as he let out a sigh. He saw Shadow soften then, eyes shining with a familiar warmth that Sonic often saw when he was looking at him.
"I- This is a little-" Shadow huffed now, eyebrows furrowing. "This is awkward. I hate it." He looked away, clearly flustered and not knowing what to do with himself. A small chuckle slipped out of Sonic’s throat before he rolled his eyes playfully, endeared by Shadow’s honesty.
"It's not dude, I need to know- it's the only way we can do this." He reassured, wanting so badly to touch the hands that lay in front of him, lonely and lost.
"Whatever, Hedgehog," Shadow looked back once more, biting his lip. "Could you take things slower?"
His voice was quiet now, vocal chords sounding gravelly and rough but inviting at the same time.
"In what way?"
"Like, when you're gonna hold my hand or something, I don't mind that too much. I'm used to people touching my hands more than anywhere else." He paused, and Sonic nodded for him to continue.
"It's just anywhere else I think I just need time to process. Keep your hand in place for a while before moving, and when-" He coughed, a pink brushing over his cheeks wonderfully. "when you want to kiss me, do that slower, not as fast as before."
Sonic smiled wider, eyes narrowing, and reached his hand out to lay over Shadow's enclosed ones. Shadow didn't flinch this time, probably much more comfortable with the open air now, and that was a gigantic step forward, Sonic believed.
"I got it," He nodded, licking his lips slightly before clearing his throat. "Do you… want to try it now? On the lips? So I can see what I have to do?" He felt dumb having to specify that he meant a proper kiss, but he's recently only been giving Shadow cheek kisses.
Shadow's shoulders tensed, but not in the same unsettling way. He was more obviously nervous now, as if readying himself. Sonic couldn't imagine how it felt to be in Shadow’s position and knew he needed to tread lightly and considerately.
“Eager, much?” He quipped, raising an eyebrow. Sonic panicked, laughing a little while raising his hands in front of him.
"It's fine if you don't want to! I'm not asking to rush things. I just thought while we're on the topic I should-"
"Idiot. Yes, I want to." Shadow replied fast, his lips falling into a flat straight line at his blunt honesty out of embarrassment. "-just, yeah."
"Okay."
Sonic moved his hand so that it hovered over Shadow’s cheek, lingering in the air. He noticed the corner of Shadow's lip quirk up at that, but what he didn't expect, was for Shadow to slowly put his hand over Sonic’s and place his hand on his cheek for him, keeping it in place.
Sonic waited for a few moments, acknowledging his words, before moving forward slightly, inching little by little until his nose steadily bumped against his.
"Okay, hold on," Shadow whispered. "God- I-" His breath came out shaky, matching in time with the heart that seemed like it was going to burst out of his chest.
"Hey, hey, you're fine, okay?" Sonic moved his other hand and gently grabbed the one still in Shadow’s lap, running a thumb over the skin. "Take deep breaths if you have to."
Shadow did just that, breathing through his nose, and brushing Sonic's face with a slight puff of hair as he exhaled. He could tell Shadow's heart was racing, which made him feel flustered, the intimacy and closeness between them seeming tighter than ever before.
He heard Shadow gulp before seeing him lick his lips. He looked stunning this close, especially those eyes; they were Sonic’s favourite, no doubt.
"Okay," Shadow looked down at Sonic’s lips. "I think it's okay."
"Tell me if it isn't, alright?" Sonic’s grip on his hand squeezed in reassurance and he felt himself grow fonder when the other hand squeezed back in return.
He then closed the distance between them, using his hand to brush a thumb over Shadow's cheekbone delicately, and placed his lips on his. A light push, nothing intense, as if testing it out for the first time.
Shadow froze for a few seconds, but then his shoulders slumped into relaxation, a much greater improvement in comparison to the last few times they'd done this. Sonic could've sworn he felt him turn to stone back then, causing them to never kiss for too long.
Shockingly, it was Shadow who decided to progress it further and moved the hand that was on top of Sonic's own to place it on the back of the other’s neck. Warm, gloved fingers brushed up against hot skin, fingertips finding their way to mould into messy blue strands that lay there too. Shadow opened his lips slightly to pace the kiss, and Sonic couldn't feel more proud.
He followed his lead, making sure Shadow was the one who controlled the pace of the kiss and how far it went. It was hard to hold himself back — kissing Shadow always set off fireworks every time without fail — but he needed to do this for him. He could be patient. He didn't care if it took months or years — he would always wait for him.
It has been a few minutes of slow, loving kisses, Shadow’s hand beginning to play with the ends of Sonic’s fur, and Sonic's thumb still brushing against his cheek occasionally. He felt his breath mingle with the other’s own, and god, something about this kiss was so, so much different than the rest. Shadow was actually relaxed and more confident, overwhelmingly so, and Sonic’s head reeled.
He felt his tongue meet his, slight contact sending jolts through his body, and he couldn't get enough. He wanted all of him, every part of Shadow, to taste and feel and touch, all to himself. Like a drug he couldn't separate from, like chilli dogs and parties, like the rush of an amazing fight that he won— nothing could compare, nothing at all.
As if to copy the other, Sonic decided to move his hand back further behind his face slowly, brushing into Shadow's own fur and felt Shadow flinch just slightly. He pulled away, a small distance setting between them, the sound of exasperated breaths filling it.
"Sorry, you okay?" He looked at him worriedly, hoping he didn't overstep.
"Yeah, keep going, I'll get used to it."
"Don't push yourself."
"I'm not." Shadow smiled again, and Sonic nodded, connecting their lips again once more.
His fingers remained in Shadow’s delicate fur and made slow, careful movements against the spikes, loving every sensation that tingled against his skin. He felt his arms bathe in goosebumps, his heart thudding against his chest with his face heating up with excitement.
He understood how Shadow could find this so overwhelming. After all, it was overwhelming for him too.
…
“So, you love me, huh,” he drawled, playfully elbowing Shadow in his arm, a smug tone etching his voice and rolling off his tongue.
“Shut up.”