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There were times when Elphaba felt wild, wicked one might even say. Her emotions burned through her like a single flame reducing a forrest to ash. Afterwards, she would be left quiet, empty, still. But while the fire still burned, she felt a frantic chaos that she couldn't ignore.
The flames that consumed her usually acted as a reminder of one of many painful truths in her life. Today, she longed for a life she only so briefly had. One where she knew acceptance and love, if even only in a small, shared bedroom with two twin beds.
She sat at her desk and found herself frantically writing, her aim - a letter that would never be sent.
Glinda, I...
Scratched out, torn up, tossed aside.
She started again, writing fervently but the same damned letters appeared before her on the page.
Glinda, I...
"Ugh!" Elphaba cried out in frustration, nearly flipping her desk over in the process. She made one more attempt, determined to get further this time. What was she even trying to say? She wasn't going to send this letter anyway, so what did it matter what words were on the page?
Glinda, I can't...
That was it. Something snapped. Why was she wasting her energy writing a letter that would never be sent to someone who surely didn't still care about her? If they ever even did.
Elphaba pushed back from her desk so hard, her chair went flying back behind her. Tears welled in her eyes. She clawed at her skin with her own nails, uncertain if she was giving an outlet to the pain, or punishing herself for feeling it. The papers on her desk long forgotten, Elphaba tore through her castle, destroying anything in sight, including herself.
In her absence, Chistery made his way to her desk. He knew that his companion would be unreachable while she was like this. Their relationship was complicated, often strained by their mutual inability to meet each other's needs. And yet, he cared for her. That night, Elphaba cried herself to sleep in her fortress and she was as alone as she felt she was.
Glinda was about to go to sleep when she began to hear a faint, but persistent sound at the balcony door. Like a soft knocking. She resolved to ignore it and rolled over, turning her back to her balcony. It must be the wind, she mused. The knocking sound continued, becoming faster, louder, and most importantly, harder to dismiss as just the wind. Frustration clouding any aprehension or concern, Glinda rose from her bed and threw open the balcony door. She didn't know what she expected the cause of her annoyance to be, but the last thing she expected was to see Chistery standing there, a white piece of paper in his hand which he outstretched to her.
Immediately, Glinda was concerned. Elphaba never took chances that could expose her like this and Chistery would never defy her orders... unless...
Glinda unfolded the piece of paper, horrified by her own name scrawled in a desperate hand that emanated pain with every letter. "I can't...?" She read alloud, her words half a question. Glinda looked to Chistery, her eyes searching for some sort of explanation or answer. When none were given, she tried again. "Is she okay?" She asked, her voice laced with concern she didn't even try to suppress.
Chistery looked back at her for a moment and Glinda was about to repeat her question when he shook his head no.
"Take me to her."
Chistery led Glinda through the cold stone halls of Elphaba's home. If Glinda didn't know better, she would have thought it was abandoned. There were few signs of life and no noises echoed off the stone walls aside from their own footsteps. Chistery turned a corner several paces ahead of Glinda.
"Chistery! Where have you been? I told you no-... What is she doing here?" Elphaba hissed as Glinda stepped into view.
"Can't one visit an old friend?" Glinda asked delicately, making no effort to step closer despite how badly she wanted to pull Elphaba into the tightest embrace.
"Friend? I have no friends." Elphaba roared. She looked like a wounded, wild animal, Glinda thought. Elphaba was driven by instincts and adrenaline, unable to understand that she was being offered safety and comfort.
"You did... once." Glinda offered, gently. "And you still can... if you'd like." She attempted a step closer to Elphaba. Her eyes were wild with emotion, her hands were shaking, but the green woman didn't take a step back.
"I know it may be hard for you to remember... it's been so many years since Shiz, and I know your mind is one to play tricks on you... but I did care about you, Elphaba. That never stopped." Glinda chanced another step forward, gently lifting her hands ever so slightly away from her sides.
"You're lying to me." Elphaba snapped, tears welling in her eyes, she started to curve in on herself slightly and Glinda couldn't decide if she was poised to attack or simply curl into a ball and cry.
"Why would I do that?" Glinda asked, hiding her own hurt. "If this was a trap, you would have already been captured by now. Besides, I think we both know the Wizard prefers to keep you around to be his excuse so no blame can fall to him." She watched as Elphaba took in this information.
Once Glinda decided that Elphaba wasn't going to have some sharp tongued retort, she spoke again. "I know you think that I got off easy. That I get to enjoy a life of luxury and freedom. I dream about you nearly every night. Sometimes it's a nightmare. You've been captured or worse... Other times it's a memory..." Elphaba watched as Glinda's eyes became watery at the thought of her death and as a smile chased away her tears upon reflecting on the memories they had together. "For the first several months, I couldn't keep food down. They liked to say it was because I had suffered the horrors of your manipulation... but it was the opposite. I was suddenly spending every waking moment forced to be loyal to the people who ruined my best friends life... I wouldn't feel like that if I didn't care, Elphie..."
"If you hate it so much then why are you still with them?" Elphaba snapped. Despite her effort, Glinda could tell her resolve was waning.
"It sounds stupid..." Glinda's voice was soft, she looked down to the floor. "But it's the only way I know you're safe. Nearly every day, they say something that confirms you're alive... that they haven't hurt you. And sometimes, if I think they might be on to something, I try to throw them off. I just want to protect you."
"I don't need protecting." Elphaba's tone was still harsh, but lacking any real venom. "You said it yourself the Wizard doesn't even..."
"Then what do you need?" Glinda took a few steps forward, carefully reaching out and taking Elphaba's hands, relieved she didn't pull away.
Despite her proximity to her former friend, Elphaba wasn't really to relent yet. She shook her head no, not trusting herself to answer the question.
"What is it you can't do, Elphaba? What did you want to tell me?" Glinda knew she had nearly gotten through to Elphaba now, she hoped this would confirm it.
That was it. She cracked, more like shattered. Elphaba started crying, tore her hands from Glindas and threw herself into the other woman's arms. "Shhh... It's okay, Elphie." She whispered, face buried in the other woman's hair. "You're not alone anymore." Those words brought comfort to both women.