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Felicity smiled wanly at Laurel when the other woman opened the door. "Hi," she greeted softly. She glanced at Laurel briefly before returning her gaze to the cuff of her sweater. It swallowed her, and the cuffs were clearly frayed, probably from someone picking at them, Laurel noted.
"Felicity, hey," Laurel replied. Hesitating, she opened her door wider, motioning for Felicity to enter. Laurel watched her friend carefully as Felicity pushed herself off the doorframe that had been supporting most of her weight. Felicity's eyes stayed on her sleeves as she entered. Closing the door after Felicity, Laurel cleared her throat quietly. "Is everything okay?"
Felicity shrugged, but did not say anything. Laurel frowned at the blonde. "If...if it's about Oliver, we can talk about it," she told the other woman carefully. She was wary of overstepping her bounds, but Felicity had long ago ceased being just Ollie's friend. And she knew what it was like when Oliver Queen was the one causing her pain.
Felicity blew out a breath harshly. "When isn't it about him?" she asked, unable to keep the bitterness form her tone. Closing her eyes briefly, Felicity took a deep breath and apologized. "I'm sorry, Laurel. I didn't come here to rant to you of all people. I just - I need space, I guess. And I can't really go back to the loft, but I don't want to go to Digg's because I know he means well, but-"
Laurel flashed a brief smile before interrupting. "It's fine, Felicity," she said, leading Felicity to the couch. Laurel placed her hand on Felicity's arm and gently pulled her to join her. Placing one of her hands on top of Felicity's clasped ones, she said, "I think I might understand some of what you're going through," she confessed. "If anyone knows what it's like to be on the outside of Ollie secrets, it's me."
Felicity's eyes widened briefly, and she stood abruptly. "Oh, my god," she said placing her hand over her mouth. "I didn't even think about you and Oliver - and William and Samantha must have made you feel. And then I come here ready to wallow in self pity to you, of all people. Oh, my god, I'm so sorry Laurel! Really, I didn't mean to stir up old memories."
"Hey," Laurel soothed. "It's okay, really" she told Felicity. "Yeah, it hurt seeing proof of his...infidelity, but I came to terms with all of that a long time ago. Besides, it's nothing I didn't already know," she added wryly.
"Knowing and seeing are two totally different things," Felicity pointed out, but she still returned to her position on the couch. She returned to starting at her hands. It was quiet for so long, but Laurel was used to silence. Even with Thea, this apartment was never very loud.
"I still love him," Felicity finally said. "And I don't think I can make it stop."
Laurel placed a soothing hand on Felicity's back and bang rubbing it in circles. "Do you want to stop loving him?" she asked.
Felicity looked up at Laurel with watery eyes. "It would make all of this easier, wouldn't it?" She smiled ruefully. "And yet, I can't imagine not loving him."
Laurel realized she was possibly about to cross a line, maybe even several, but she wanted to help her Felicity. This was the woman who had befriended Sara when she was still lost and wandering and who had encouraged Laurel when she was trying to honor her sister's memory. She did not deserve the pain this life gave her, but she fully embraced it anyway.
"I used to feel the same way," she confessed. In most situations, Laurel knew this conversation would lead to some kind of violence. However, Felicity just seemed like she wanted answers and someone to understand, and Laurel was resolved to help her as much as she could. "Then Ollie died and dragged my sister down with him. I was really angry for a long time, but..." Laurel trailed off, getting lost in her memories.
Felicity bit her lip and told Laurel she did not have to tell her about this. "Really," she insisted, "I don't want you to think you have to tell me any of this because it's none of my business."
"No, no," Laurel assured. "I'm trying to help, but I don't think I'm doing a very good job right now," she said. "I just want to make sure you know that whatever is going on with you and Ollie, I'm still you're friend.
Felicity gave Laurel a tremulous smile. "Even if we're not together?"
"Especially then," Laurel said fiercely. "Don't ever doubt that, okay?"
Felicity nodded gratefully. Laurel wrapped the arm that had been rubbing circles around Felicity's shoulders and tugged her into her side. Felicity leaned her body into Laurel's, and the two women sat in silence for several minutes. It was more contemplative than uncomfortable, and Laurel have Felicity the time she needed to think about everything.
"Sometimes it feels like we're doomed to keep going in this circle of pain. Everything's happy, then something bad happens. Oliver has a secret and doesn't tell anyone, then it blows up in our faces." Felicity was so quiet that Laurel almost did not hear her. "It's like the universe doesn't want us - doesn't want me - to be happy." This time Laurel heard the tears in Felicity's voice. If she concentrated, she could even feel the wet stains along the collar of her shirt.
"Hey," Laurel said firmly. She grabbed Felicity by the shoulders and adjusted her own position until they were facing each other. "You, Felicity Smoak, do not get to give up. Not just on Oliver, but on yourself. In the few years we have known each other, you've been through so much so quickly. You could have given up years ago, but you kept going. You haven't let anything keep you down, so why start know?"
Felicity wiped her eyes and nodded. Wrapping her arms around Laurel's neck, she pulled her into a tight hug. "Thank you, Laurel."
Laurel shrugged off Felicity's gratitude. "It's not a big deal," she said decisively. "And besides," she continued, standing up, "you were there for me after Sara died, and I've always wanted to return the favor, so I'm glad I can help you know.
"Maybe...maybe it'll be okay," she said wistfully, looking up at Laurel from the couch. "Maybe everything will be okay."
Laurel smiled at Felicity, glad her friend seemed to be doing better. "Now, how do you feel about some coffee?" she asked, unable to keep a teasing lily out of her voice.
Felicity gave a little laugh. "Oh, you know me so well, Laurel Lance."