Chapter Text
Maybe it’s been a bit of a rough week.
“Here you go,” Childe says, putting down a cup of tea on the edge of Zhongli’s desk, narrowly avoiding one of Zhongli’s myriad pages of notes. “It’s osmanthus, your favourite.”
“Thank you,” Zhongli murmurs, greedily eating up the distraction of taking the cup in hand and taking a sip.
“No problem. You looked like you needed it.”
“I’m having some issues focusing,” Zhongli admits.
“Again?”
Maybe it’s been a bit of a rough month.
“Mhm,” he hums, staring at his notes with very little comprehension.
Alright, rough couple of months. Zhongli’s ability to do his own coursework has shrivelled up like the terraces of Qingce during a drought, for reasons that are frustrating in their mystery.
If only he was five again. It had been very easy to impress people when he was five. Now he's nineteen and he needs more skills than colouring inside the lines.
Still standing over his shoulder, Childe sighs, and Zhongli cranes his head to look up at him.
At least if he can’t impress his professors anymore, or his parents, Childe is there for him. Beautiful, kind, the life and soul of a party, charming Childe.
If he can’t be five again, Zhongli knows he would want to be Childe instead. Why wouldn’t he? Childe has lovely auburn locks that shine brilliantly in the Liyue sun, and pretty blue eyes with the longest eyelashes he’s ever seen. Childe has an incredible body, with a chest that would make anyone swoon. Childe has several friends, and attracts people like moths to a flame, drawn ever closer to his exuberant personality. Childe has his life in order and knows what he wants to do and then actually goes and does it. Of course Zhongli wants to be Childe, but Childe is his best friend, so he always pushes down his feelings of envy.
“This isn’t going to help, you know,” Childe continues, kind as always. “Staying up all night to stare at papers. We gotta do something about your burnout.”
“I’m not dropping out,” Zhongli deadpans. He can’t - not when he needs his degree, for the sake of his self esteem and future employment. Not to mention, if he drops out, he can’t live with Childe anymore. The thought of Childe getting a new roommate to replace him is - not great. Because then that means Zhongli won’t be able to hang out with Childe anymore, watching films all evening and chatting into the night.
“Of course not. We just gotta give you a mini vacation. Something to perk you up without making you lose time. A night or two where you have a bunch of fun and don’t think about it.”
“I’m also not starting a drug addiction.”
“Zhongli, I would never suggest drugs, ever!” Childe says, in a rather feeble impression of someone telling the truth.
“Of course not. What then?”
“Uh, well, we could go drinking…?”
“Childe.” Zhongli sighs deeply and takes another sip of tea. “Not all problems in life are solved by nights out on the town.”
But then, Childe’s life is perfectly together and he is fond of his drinking escapades. Maybe he shouldn’t dismiss it outright, but he lacks Childe’s northern constitution and does not awaken the next morning feeling anywhere near as refreshed as Childe seems to after a night out.
“Maybe not, but usually the problems of not having enough fun are solved by a night out on the town. But alright, fine.” He hears Childe stubbornly sigh next to him. “Zhongli, when was the last time you got laid?”
It’s surprise at the question that makes him jolt, not the sudden warmth of his roommate’s hand upon his shoulder.
He swallows thickly, but he likes to think of himself as a man with integrity. “Never,” he admits, wondering just as the words leave his mouth if that was a bad idea. Childe wouldn't judge him, right? Childe’s his best friend, but that doesn’t mean that Zhongli’s lost the urge to continuously impress him.
“Wow, never? But…” Childe trails off, but Zhongli can fill in the thought process, and feels the need to defend himself.
“My parents banned dating when I was at school. And I haven’t really had the time or inclination to find a girlfriend since starting university,” he says, maybe a little hotly. But it’s true! The expectation always was that girls would come later, and now it’s later and he just hasn’t felt the urge to put himself out there. Nor has he met a woman who sparks love at first sight. It’s no issue. He assumes someday he’ll meet a woman who is so stunningly beautiful he falls in love immediately and he’ll deal with it then.
“Okay, yeah, I get it,” Childe placates, his hand giving Zhongli’s shoulder a tingling squeeze before retreating. “Well, a one-night stand? Maybe it’ll give you a pep boost.”
“I don’t really know how to achieve that sort of thing.”
He likes women - they frequently make great conversation partners - but the idea of propositioning one makes his stomach twist in knots.
“Well, you've got me!” Zhongli glances up again, and Childe’s grin is dazzling as he gestures at himself with his thumb. The sun seems to shine on him, like Mother Nature herself is in agreement, the light catching his hair like fire. “You’ve got yourself a bi king of rizz to act as your wingman. With my introductions and your looks, you’ll get a nice lady to spend time with.”
He gets a warm bubbly feeling in his stomach - so maybe he subconsciously does desire a nice lady to spend time with. “Rizz?” He asks instead of focusing on the feeling.
“Charisma. How about it?”
Childe speaks so confidently, but it seems natural that Childe would have great luck with either sex with his ‘rizz’. Zhongli feels another seed of bitterness - must be envy again.
“… I’ll consider it,” Zhongli says finally.
“No pressure,” Childe says, flashing another smile that’s all teeth. “But if you need anything, I’m here for you.”
Zhongli nods, and sensing the conversation is now over, is now forced to go back to the abysmal task of trying to study.
It's not that he’s not smart - he knows he is - but that everyone else is smart too. Academic pursuit seems to have lost much of its charm as he has grown, and it’s all too easy for his mind to wander like a poet in a wild flower field. Childe probably doesn’t have these problems - he is always so intense in his focus. If only he could be like Childe, who has all the good traits one could give a man and few of the bad ones.
The question of Zhongli’s virginity and the topic of his sex life remains in the air after that. After some further consideration, and some clearing of thoughts achieved through physical means when Childe is elsewhere, he originally decides that it is probably not a good idea. Diverting his time between romance and books will likely make his grades worse, and a one-time event isn’t going to change his life for the better.
He changes his mind soon, not too long after that. Once again, he is trying to study, and has gotten hopelessly distracted with literally everything else. Instead of sitting at his desk like a good student, he’s made the foolish mistake of convincing himself it’s worth taking his textbook to bed for a change.
It’s not going well.
The sound of Childe opening the door is an even better distraction than the softness of his pillow and he jerks awake, any lingering sleepiness suddenly chased away.
“Oh hey, didn’t mean to disturb you,” Childe says casually, removing the towel that had been draped over his shoulders and using it to give his hair a ruffle, the ginger strands nearly brown with water and sticking up at all sorts of angles.
“That is quite alright,” Zhongli replies, already no longer looking at Childe’s face.
Yes, he’s seen Childe shirtless before. He’s been aware for a considerable length of time that Childe takes great care of his body, or at least is blessed with the kind of natural physique that is very forgiving of his mistakes. Zhongli’s eyes skirt down his damp chest, droplets still glistening like diamonds upon his skin, something not even the greatest renaissance sculptors could hope to mimic in their work.
With a chest and a stomach like that - no wonder Childe called himself the king of charisma when it comes to one night stands. Were he not straight, Zhongli can very easily believe that he would be lusting after his friend too.
Sadly Zhongli’s own body is rather unremarkable despite regular sporting activities and a noble attempt at eating healthily at least most days. It is envy and a well-developed sense of appreciation for art that keeps his eyes focused on the planes of Childe’s stomach and the beginnings of tufts of hair that peek out from his waistband.
“Were you napping? Or…” Childe trails off, and Zhongli looks up only to see that Childe’s keen eyes have picked up on the source of Zhongli’s misery - his textbook. “Oh.”
Desperate to save face, Zhongli pushes it aside and moves into the more dignified position of sitting on the edge of his bed rather than lounging decadently. “I was merely taking a break from studying.”
“Right.” Childe sits next to him on the bed, and then pulls Zhongli into a hug.
Zhongli can’t breathe all of a sudden. Childe’s body is firm against his - and he knew logically that Childe’s body would be firm, because he's muscled and muscles are firm, but it’s completely different to actually feel it against his own body, to actually experience it. He’s too warm, but every part of his body that isn’t in direct contact is too cold, and he thinks he must be aware of every single nerve that runs under his skin there. The slight dampness presses through Zhongli’s own shirt, and he’s struck with an urge to imagine it’s sweat instead.
Oh, dear.
He must be very touch starved if a simple hug is affecting him this much.
“You know, you’re still really smart and incredible,” Childe is saying. “You’re just having a misstep is all. You can get over this, I know loads of people who had burn out in uni.”
“Childe…” Zhongli starts. “I think maybe I should try having sex, like you suggested.”
“Oh.” Childe leans back, taking away his muscles and body heat. “I did suggest that. Yeah. We can try going to a nice bar I know this weekend and see if you like anyone?”
Zhongli, very aware of his virginity right now, nods. “Yes, that sounds good. Thank you, Childe.”
“Of course! Anything for a friend.” He laughs, and clasps Zhongli on the shoulder. “Don’t you worry!”
Zhongli nods, but of course there is still much to worry about. He can only hope that Childe is correct and that some old-fashioned raunchiness will quell his clearly overactive hormones.
The weekend comes, and Zhongli attempts to dress up. His efforts are interrupted by Childe.
“No way you’re wearing this to a bar,” he says, eyeing Zhongli’s waistcoat as though it has caused some offence. “You’ll look like you stepped out of the 1930s. We’re going to a student bar, not a high-end restaurant.”
“Oh.” Zhongli gives Childe’s outfit a glance over - a casual dark red shirt, rolled to the elbows and grey jeans - and then glances at himself - brogues, freshly ironed black trousers, a stiff white shirt and his most attractive umber waistcoat. He supposes next to Childe he is rather overdressed, but he lacks Childe’s attractive body shape that makes him pull off any sort of clothing very handsomely. “I was taught I should look nice for potential romantic partners. I assumed the same of any anticipated sexual partners, too.”
“I mean, you’re not wrong. But you’ll look out of place. I mean - you do look good. You just won’t match the vibe of the place.” There’s a pause, that Childe apparently feels the need to fill and rushes to do so. “Not that I’m stopping you - you can wear whatever you want! But really Zhongli, with your face, you don’t need to dress up this much.”
He can feel the blood rising to his face. Clearly he is embarrassed at making such a fool of himself.
“At least take the cufflinks off. I’d hate for you to lose one.”
“You make a great deal of sense, Childe. My apologies.” The drinking is a given, the partner is not, and now that he thinks about it, he would rather not have to clean these clothes. “Please wait for me. I will endeavour to pick something more casual so that we match in vibe, as you would say.”
“Okay.”
Undressing and redressing is not a task to be rushed, even with Childe waiting, but Zhongli picks his new clothes rather quickly.
“Is this better?” He asks once Childe has come back into the room. He is now sporting his second best pair of shoes, his second best pair of trousers, and a plain beige shirt that is not freshly ironed. Staley ironed?
“Yeah. You still look great, by the way. Let’s go?”
Childe leads him to a bar that Zhongli’s never been to before, but he supposes it’s because he’s never gotten a lot of variety packed into his own forays into the student nightlife. It’s loud and warm and dark, and it doesn’t really hit Zhongli until they’ve both got drinks pressed into their hands and they’ve found a space to stand in.
He’s really here for a hookup. What would his parents think? What does he think? If he doesn’t find anyone, will Childe think he’s pathetic? Is this even sensible?
“Come on, drink a bit more,” Childe goads, a handsome smile plastered on his face and teeth catching the coloured lighting in a way that has Zhongli unfairly entranced. “You need to loosen up a little. Just enough to slick your social gears.”
Easy for Chile to say, when he is a well maintained and oiled social machine, unlike Zhongli’s rusty interior. But he follows his advice anyway, and downs half of his glass in one.
Oh, maybe that was a mistake. It was a little stronger than he anticipated and he can feel it immediately go to his head.
But Childe laughs brightly, half of it lost to the music, and claps Zhongli round the shoulder, who knows he’s already flushing from the alcohol. “That’s the spirit! Don’t get too drunk though, trust me.”
He was jumping the gun, because it takes a while for Childe to spot a couple of women who are eyeing them. Well, eyeing Childe and not him, but Zhongli can hardly fault them when it’s hard for even him (a straight man) to take his eyes off Childe. Childe wears his alcohol beautifully, it makes his smiles wider and his laughs brighter, amplifies his natural charisma. The low lighting highlights the firm curve of his jaw and the faint curve of his cheekbones more than usual, and Zhongli distantly thinks that the ladies and gentlemen Childe likes are very lucky indeed.
And the woman Zhongli somehow ends up squeezed close to is maybe not quite so lucky, because she’s ended up with him instead of Childe. He had caught Childe’s eye and Childe had given him a grin that Zhongli’s sure was meant to be reassuring before turning back to his own lucky lady. Surely it’s envy that Childe can talk so effortlessly to just anyone, and he had endeavoured to match that behaviour and come close to his idol.
It hasn’t worked. Zhongli will not pride an understanding of body language as his greatest skill, but even he can recognise that he’s lost this fight.
“Look, you’re nice,” she half says, half shouts at him, “but I need to go.”
Expert in body language he is not, and neither is he an expert at charming the heart of a random stranger, but he is very good at taking rejection gracefully. It comes remarkably easily - he feels nothing at the knowledge that he will not be sharing kisses or anything more with this lady, despite her conventionally attractive features. “Sorry,” he says, though he doesn’t particularly feel it. “I shouldn’t have talked so much about limestone formations.”
The withering look she gives him is greatly mollified by the fact that he can’t see very well in this lighting.
Oh well. He ought to find Childe again, but Childe doesn’t talk about limestone features, so he probably has his tongue half-way down the throat of someone already. The mere image of it makes him shudder and he finds he can’t bear to look to see it in reality, so it seems the alcohol in his system can’t erase all of his envy of Childe.
But he lacks Childe’s sexual magnetism, so he remains without a lady companion, and wanting to be reunited, he searches again for Childe.
Thankfully (thankfully?) Childe does not in fact have his tongue down the throat of anyone, or even near a throat except his own.
“Hey,” he says when he catches sight of Zhongli, a warm smile on his lips. “What happened? She didn’t like you?”
“I’m afraid not.” He would elaborate, but there seems little advantage to doing so in this environment. “What about you?”
“Ah,” Childe shrugs nonchalantly. “Nah. Wouldn’t be fair, anyhow.”
Zhongli nods - Childe is competitive by nature, so it makes sense that he’s worried his sheer natural charisma that oozes out of his handsome face and body is too much of a natural advantage in this den of pop music and cheap alcohol. “Shall we drink more, then?”
“I can never say no to a drink!” Childe enthuses, and they both head back to the bar.
An indeterminable amount of time later, they’re stumbling home, having rather given up on the promises of female (or male, in Childe’s case) companionship at the first hurdle.
“You know,” Childe slurs, his arm warm and heavy and rather inconvenient round the back of Zhongli’s neck. “You shouldn’t let it get you down. Your lack of rizz, I mean. Like, it was just one girl. That happens all the time!”
“Even to you?” Zhongli wonders out loud.
“Even to me,” Childe confirms. “But you can’t take it to heart. I don’t want you feeling bad about yourself. Not when you’re so handsome and smart and well dressed.” He emphasises his point with a finger pushed rather firmly into Zhongli’s sternum. “You’re incredible, Zhongli, never forget that.”
Both his words and the cheap vodka sloshing in Zhongli’s belly keep him warm and flushed despite the chill of the night (or morning) air. What has he done to earn a friend like Childe?
“You’re too kind,” Zhongli slurs back. “I’m glad we’re going home together and not separately.”
“Yeah?” Childe knocks their heads together. “I would never put a one-night stand above you. You’re my bro. Forever.”
“Forever,” Zhongli repeats. It sounds nice. He would certainly like to have Childe by his side forever, even when they’ve both (maybe) graduated. He can picture them sharing a house together - obviously at first to save money when they’re both starting out in their careers, but then why would they move apart? It’s good to live with friends, and Zhongli isn’t exactly rushing into dating and marriage…
“Forever,” Childe repeats. “And I'll always have your back.”
“You’re awfully sentimental this evening,” Zhongli manages to observe despite the delightful sensation of Childe touching him so much and the vague whiff of alcohol whenever Childe opens his mouth so close to his face. It’s the alcohol in him that makes Childe’s touch so pleasant and slightly tingly.
“I just - I really don’t want you to feel down tonight.”
Luckily, Zhongli’s saved from having to come up with a good response to that by them actually arriving at their dorm room. With some difficulty, Childe’s arm is pried off him, leaving him busy trying to find his key. And then put the key into the lock and turning it. More difficult than you might think.
“Alcoholic,” he hears Childe mutter under his breath, in a flagrant disregard of his earlier words. What was that about not wanting Zhongli to feel bad?
“Shush,” he says instead and manages to open their door. He remembers to actually take his key out the lock after, too. Score.
When they’re both standing in the middle of their room, Childe slings his arms round Zhongli’ neck again, but this time with them face to face it feels strangely intimate.
“What is it?” Zhongli asks, unable to take his eyes off Childe’s face, the affectionate look, the slight grin, the flushed cheeks, the soft-looking pink lips…
“Zhongli,” Childe says, rocking them side to side slightly. “I’ve got it.”
“Got what?” Zhongli asks. It’s impossible to not smile when faced with that look - it’s something that had compelled him to want to be Childe’s friend. No one makes him smile as much as Childe can.
“I should suck you off,” Childe continues, still smiling, still rocking them from side to side. “It’s perfect. You’re sexually repressed-” Nonsense, and Zhongli scoffs- “and really bad at picking up women-” Okay, that’s true- “and I’m bisexual. I can suck dick. Good at it, even.”
Zhongli’s heartbeat is far too loud in his ears, but he’s very sure he didn’t mishear that. “Um.” That wasn’t where he thought this conversation would go, but now they’re here it’s actually surprisingly easy to imagine Childe on his knees. “But you’re… not my boyfriend?”
“I’m your friend though. That means you can trust me with your dick.” Zhongli nods - he can trust with Childe with any of his body parts, though he wasn’t actually particularly worried about any of them. “And like I said, I’m good at sucking dick. You ever heard the saying that guys give better blowjobs?”
Zhongli has, and he’s sure that’s why the idea of a blowjob from Childe doesn’t seem so unappealing - it’s just basic facts he’s sure all men would agree with. Childe’s yet to make a bad argument, Zhongli is forced to admit. And he is able to continue that mental image from earlier and expand it to Childe on his knees and rubbing his face against Zhongli’s crotch.
The arms around his neck tighten slightly. “Look, if it weirds you out, you can just close your eyes. You don’t gotta look at me. If you hate it that much we don’t have to do it again.”
Oh - again is on the table?
“So?” Childe prompts when Zhongli fails to make any noises that could even possibly pass for words. “You don't need to overthink it. I’m just trying to help out a friend.”
Zhongli hadn’t been really thinking about receiving a blowjob earlier, even if he logically knew it was on the table if he did manage to score, but now he is thinking - quite hard - about blowjobs. It would be nice to get sucked off. There’s a lot of hype around blowjobs.
And Childe is his friend. There wouldn’t be any stress or pressure with him as there would with a lady companion. After all, Zhongli’s straight, so it’s just a friend helping out.
“Okay,” Zhongli says before he can think up a suitable counter argument for his internal debate. “I would like to receive oral sex.”
Childe beams at him, lips (oh gods, lips - they’re going to touch his dick) stretching impossibly wide. “That’s the spirit! Except for saying it like that.”
“I leave myself and my dick in your capable hands,” Zhongli says, wondering if he should tack on and my orgasm to that sentence or if it would put too much pressure on Childe.
“More like my capable mouth,” Childe quips.
He isn’t sure if Childe is serious or not, so he just nods. “Where do I…?”
“Just here’s fine,” Childe says, unwrapping his arms and then sinking to his knees - oh god, isn’t that something porn stars do? Zhongli isn’t exactly a porn expert but he assumed that blowers in a nonprofessional setting were opposed to carpet burn or just having uncomfortable knees.
But Childe’s on his knees, looking up at him, just like how he imagined earlier, and he’s already getting hard from that alone. Who wouldn’t be from the prospect of oral sex from an experienced and objectively handsome man?
Childe’s eyes twinkle with filthy mischief as he reaches up to undo Zhongli’s trousers, shoving it down just enough that he can fish Zhongli’s dick out of his boxers.
Should he apologise for being half hard? Is it weirder to be half hard than full hard?
He finds out the answer to that very quickly, because his dick (presumably on the understanding that being out and in front of an objectively handsome man means something sexual may occur) hardens very quickly. It doesn’t feel any more or less weird to Zhongli to have his dick out in his best friend’s face full hard rather than half hard, but there’s little time to ruminate on the subject when Childe’s eyes flicker back up to meet Zhongli’s gaze, and then with a smirk that could render anyone weak kneed regardless of sexuality, leans in, mouth wide.
Childe’s mouth is so hot and wet . All of a sudden, Zhongli feels like he’s on fire, and he fumbles with the buttons on his shirt. It also gives him something to do with his hands, because the only alternative is Childe’s head and the soft-looking ginger curls there. It’s - this is incredible, it’s like the head of his cock is being smothered by all its favourite sensations. Childe’s tongue slides against his foreskin and glans just as one of his hands comes up to circle the base - Childe’s hands feel so much better than his own.
Zhongli hears himself groan loudly, and realises he can’t stop panting either, certainly not as Childe’s mouth slides further down, taking more of him into that sinful heat. It’s too much and it’s not enough, because he needs more so badly, but he can’t imagine what it would feel like to have more. Could he even handle it?
Childe lets out a low groan around his cock, and the vibrations seem to send his cock into some sort of overdrive. It’s the more he was craving, and he was right when he thought he couldn’t handle it. Zhongli sees stars as he comes suddenly into Childe’s mouth with a whimper. He’s never felt anything like this before - masturbating has never got him feeling this , leaving him shaky and weak and exhausted.
There’s a loud gulp sound, and the pressure around his softening dick tightens, and Zhongli realises that Childe swallowed. The idea of it gets him blushing all over again, and he tugs himself away, blinking down several times at Childe.
Childe, who’s running his thumb along the crease of his mouth, whose eyes are still twinkling as he looks up.
“I-” Zhongli’s voice comes far too fuzzy for his liking. He wishes they’d done this somewhere else than the middle of the room, just so he could easily sit or lie down.
“How was that?” Childe asks, right before he starts licking his thumb . Zhongli doesn’t think he can survive his. He stumbles, very ungracefully, definitely due to his trousers and not the alcohol, to the nearest bed - Childe’s - and sits down.
“I didn’t know blowjobs felt like that,” Zhongli breathes out, flopping back. Childe’s bed feels really comfy. It’d be nice to share it sometime. He gets it now. The obsessions. Zhongli feels like he could take on all the issues in his life. It’s hard to feel his paper is that scary and stressful anymore when he’s so sated.
Childe laughs. “They’re great, right? I’m glad you liked it.”
“Yeah,” Zhongli breathes again. His eyelids are so heavy, and he thinks he can smell Childe on his sheets. Childe smells so nice, he wonders what aftershave he uses…
He thinks he hears Childe laughing again before he slips asleep.