Chapter Text
“Are you ever going to kiss me?” Wei Ying demanded.
Lan Wangji’s brain screeched to a halt, thoughts tumbling wildly over one another as if in an avalanche, scattered and intangible.
They weren't talking about kissing. They weren't talking about anything close to it. None of Wei Ying's words or actions so far that night had indicated that he was suddenly going to start talking of kissing, like it was an examination that he had expected Lan Wangji to study for.
Up to this point, the night had been perfectly ordinary. Cozy, even, the same end-of-the-week evening that the two of them had been sharing for the last six months, give or take.
Lan Wangji had wrapped up all of the duties that had been required of him for the day about an hour earlier than it might’ve taken him on a usual weekday, and Wei Ying had been waiting for him when he got home. He prepared their dinner, and took it to the rabbit warren along with Wei Ying, where Wei Ying had doted on Lan Wangji's rabbits while they ate.
When the two of them retired to the Jingshi, they played some music together, divested themselves of the heavier outer layers of their daytime clothes, and then settled on opposite ends of the luohan bed, Lan Wangji with his tea and Wei Ying with his wine.
Wei Ying was just about finished with his second jar, and although this was not usually enough alcohol to affect him overmuch, Lan Wangji had to wonder now if tonight's blend was stronger than usual.
He didn't look drunk, save for a slight dusting of pink on the cheeks. He had just said something shockingly bold, even for him, but then, shame wasn't a concept Lan Wangji had known Wei Ying to be overly familiar with. It could go either way.
“What?” Lan Wangji said, not because he hadn't heard him—he had heard all too clearly—but because he was hoping that maybe the extra seconds it would take Wei Ying to repeat himself would be enough time for Lan Wangji to work out exactly how on earth he was supposed to proceed.
“I said, are you ever going to kiss me?” Wei Ying repeated calmly, firmly enunciating each word.
“Didn’t know Wei Ying wanted to be kissed,” Lan Wangji said, cautiously, because it certainly seemed like that was what he was asking for, but it was imperative that he know, for certain, that this wasn't some strange descent into hypotheticals, before he divulged any sensitive information.
“Well I do," Wei Ying said emphatically. “By you, specifically,” he added, before Lan Wangji could ask for clarification. “I didn't just wake up with a craving.”
Lan Wangji pondered this for a moment. It's a crime that at any point in time Wei Ying might have desired a kiss, and Lan Wangji had left him wanting. Inexcusable.
“For how long?” he found himself pressing, curious at the extent of his transgression, in that morbid sort of way that one might watch a disaster unfold.
“Forever, Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying whined, unperturbed by Lan Wangji's crisis and sticking his chin out petulantly. “You’ve kept me waiting so long, you have to make it up to me.”
There was a reason they shouldn't, but Lan Wangji had never prepared himself in any capacity to face a Wei Ying that was suddenly demanding to be kissed, and so he had never inoculated himself against the dizzying temptation.
“You are intoxicated,” Lan Wangji finally remembered, with great reluctance. “It would be inappropriate.”
Wei Ying scoffed. “I am not. I can hold a little wine.”
Lan Wangji watched him. His posture wasn’t terrible—not for Wei Ying—he was relaxed but confident, and he hadn't been slurring his words, true.
But then, as Lan Wangji finally found the bravery to look him in the eyes, he noticed that Wei Ying's left pupil was listing slightly off to the side.
“You can’t see straight,” Lan Wangji observed. “I can’t kiss you while you're like this.”
Caught, Wei Ying tipped his head back in frustration, blew his bangs out of his face, then brought himself forward again to fix Lan Wangji with a shrewd look. “But you want to.”
Lan Wangji felt himself approaching a precipice. Wei Ying still had plausible deniability here. Later on, once sobriety had found him again, he could still chalk it all up to having had too much wine, if he wanted to. But Lan Wangji had no such thing to hide behind. Whatever he said now, he wouldn't be able to take it back.
“Yes,” he admitted, quietly but clearly. “I want to.”
And it felt unexpectedly good, to release this truth, after carrying it so closely for so long. It felt like taking off a heavy guan after a long day of meetings. A warm spell in a harsh winter. A gradual feeling of peace washed over him, lapping at him gently like the waves of a calm sea.
Lan Wangji had entertained the idea of confessing his long held desire and love for Wei Ying, after his unlikely return from death. It wasn't like the option was off the table. Quite the opposite, actually. Lan Wangji had felt that to waste this second chance would be unfathomably foolish, especially with Wei Ying always seeming to be so receptive to his affections.
But even so, his ever-present fears and his doubts continued to get the better of him, and he had let several more months slip away already.
We Ying was quiet for too long, and as that tranquil feeling began to ebb away, Lan Wangji became more and more aware of his own daring. His heart thrilled in his chest as it settled on him what he had just done.
He waited, electrified, as his confession floated in the air between them. Waited for a sound, for the air between them to change. For Wei Ying to apologize, say he hadn't known, that he was joking. Or, alternatively, for Wei Ying to launch himself across the bed and kiss him anyway.
What happened instead was this: Wei Ying stared off in concentration, tapping at his nose as though he were puzzling very hard over something. He sat this way for a few seconds, and then his face lit up.
“I got it!” He said happily.
He picked up his jar, and tipped the remainder of its contents into Lan Wangji’s empty teacup.
“Go on, Lan Zhan,” he prodded, sitting the cup down onto the table in front of him. “If we’re both drunk, then nobody can get mad about it later. Nobody's taking advantage of anyone, we’re just two drunk idiots kissing on each other.”
“Wei Ying,” Lan Wangji warned.
“If you want to kiss me, then drink. You can kiss me because you're drunk. Then I'll kiss you because I'm drunk. Fair’s fair.”
Arguments swirled around in Lan Wangji’s mind. Wei Ying's logic was ridiculous, of course, but even with all ideas about consent aside, Lan Wangji was certain that there was another reason that he shouldn't do this that he was forgetting about. There was an insistent alarm in the back of his mind that was screaming for him not to take the bait.
But Wei Ying was right there, watching him with big, pleading eyes and full, plump lips. They looked so soft. They always looked soft. Were soft. He knew, he had felt them once before. Even on a normal day, when Wei Ying wasn’t doing… whatever it was he had inexplicably decided to do tonight, those lips often drove Lan Wangji to distraction. It was a wonder that Wei Ying never noticed him watching them.
Then again, Wei Ying had seemed rather certain when he’d suddenly up and propositioned kissing out of the blue. Perhaps he had noticed after all.
Lan Wangji must have waited too long, because in the next moment Wei Ying deflated, sinking back down onto the back rest.
“Ah, it's fine,” he said. His tone was gentle, not unkind, but his disappointment was obvious. “You don't have to.”
Lan Wangji snatched the teacup from the table and took it all at once in a quick gulp.
“That’s… really not how you’re supposed to enjoy wine,” Wei Ying said dazedly. “Lan Zhan? Are you okay?”
“I do not drink wine to enjoy it,” Lan Wangji said primly, then promptly tipped backwards down onto the bench.
“Shit, I forgot you do this,” was the last thing Lan Wangji heard Wei Ying groan before he passed out.
When he came to, the room was darker than he remembered, and he was on his own on the luohan bed. Details of the last few minutes were blurry. He wasn't sure what he was doing there, but his mind was insistent that he wasn't supposed to be alone right now.
“Wei Ying?” He asked the air around him. Wei Ying should've been here. He wouldn't just leave…
“Here!” Wei Ying called from another part of the house. He came scurrying back into the room carrying two large bowls of water. “I got you some water so you don't get a headache, and I put some of the lamps out since I know your eyes can get sensitive when you’re like this. How is it? Are you okay?”
Lan Wangji considered this. He could count on his hand the number of times he had consumed alcohol before this, and the results had been varied.
Tonight, though, he felt a pleasant numbness in his limbs. A looseness in his joints. A floaty feeling in his head.
“Good,” he said slowly.
Wei Ying smiled. He should always be smiling. He was so beautiful.
Then Lan Wangji remembered.
His heart quickened in his chest. Wei Ying had sat down much closer to him this time than he had before. He watched Lan Wangji’s face appraisingly, though Lan Wangji was not sure what he was looking for. He blinked at him, wondering whether it would be appropriate to just go for it or not.
Then Wei Ying’s expression turned somewhat bashful.
“I guess I get what you meant earlier. I would kind of feel weird kissing you while you're like this.”
Never in his life had Lan Wangji ever thought to utter phrases like, “no take-backsies,” nor was he going to start now, but his face must have conveyed the sentiment well enough, because in the next moment Wei Ying was breaking into giggles.
“Okay, okay,” he conceded. “No need to pull that face. I guess I have no choice. The only thing less manageable than a drunk Lan Zhan is a grumpy drunk Lan Zhan. I suppose I’ll just have to sit here and kiss you all night.”
Lan Wangji wasn't going to argue this.
It was clear that Wei Ying was expecting Lan Wangji to lead this first kiss. He was holding himself very still, as though Lan Wangji were an animal that he didn't want to spook. But he watched Lan Wangji expectantly, eyes flicking between his mouth and his eyes.
It’s just, the thing of it was, Lan Wangji didn't know how to kiss somebody. While he was aware of the general mechanics of the act, his prior experience was very, very limited, and even back then, he hadn't exactly gotten feedback. The finer details—initiation, for one thing—were completely lost on him.
He didn't remember moving in, but he thought they must have naturally been drawing closer and closer together since Wei Ying had rejoined him on the luohan bed. From this close, he was able to catch Wei Ying’s scent. Earthy, with hints of the wine he had been drinking. The aroma calmed Lan Wangji some, and he found it in him to reach out, to rest his palm on Wei Ying's jaw, thumb gently sweeping over the arc of his cheekbone.
“Lan Zhan, you’re trembling,” Wei Ying whispered. He brought his hand up, to circle his fingers loosely over Lan Wangji’s wrist. “Are you nervous?”
Lan Wangji’s throat clicked as he swallowed. “Yes.”
Then Wei Ying turned his face ever so slightly in Lan Wangji’s hand, lightly kissed the heel of his palm.
“You shouldn't be,” Wei Ying said, looking at him through low lidded eyes. “It’s only me.”
They were close enough now that their noses brushed together. Wei Ying's eyes slipped shut completely.
“There is,” Lan Wangji said, with confidence he didn't feel, “Nothing ‘only’ about you.”
With this, he closed the gap between them at last. With his eyes crossed the way they were, trying to focus on Wei Ying from such a close distance, he ended up landing a little off-center.
Wei Ying didn't seem to mind. He broke the kiss, and followed immediately with another, aligning their lips together properly this time.
Nerves still alight and frantic, Lan Wangji could barely even feel the sensation of Wei Ying's lips, felt only the gentle pressure of them, only the warmth of Wei Ying's cheek squishing against his nose as he edged himself closer.
They parted with a gentle pop, and Lan Wangji couldn't help but suck in a surprised breath.
He opened his eyes and watched Wei Ying, a kaleidoscope of features, turned over and doubling under Lan Wangji’s drunk, too-close gaze. He focused very hard, until Wei Ying's singular eye separated back into two, and Lan Wangji could search him for a reaction.
Wei Ying's eyes had a glassy sort of glaze over them. He just sat there for a moment, looking entranced. Then, the corner of his lip curled up into a small smile. He slung his arms around Lan Wangji’s shoulders and sidled up beside him, until they were thigh to thigh.
“Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan,” he crooned.
And then that fog behind his eyes cleared, that smirk sharpened into something with intent. Something loaded.
“Lan Zhan,” he said again, his tone dark and heady, and Lan Wangji recognized the invitation for what it was.
He dove back to Wei Ying, took his head in both of his hands and tipped it back, kissing him deeply. Wei Ying made a high pitched, helpless noise in his mouth, parting his lips to reveal their soft insides.
Lan Wangji immediately sucked his bottom lip between his teeth, rolled it roughly between them and then drew it back out with a long scrape.
Wei Ying's body shuddered, short puffs of air escaping through his nose and ghosting over Lan Wangji’s face.
The next kiss was open, wet and hot. They were slow about it in the beginning, a tentative brush of tongues. Lan Wangji felt the shift beneath his palm as Wei Ying's jaw opened further, as he eagerly pressed himself as deeply into Lan Wangji’s mouth as he could go.
Lan Wangji cracked his eyes open for a few seconds, watched Wei Ying kissing him. Wei Ying's eyelashes fluttered, browns upturned. There was a deep blush high on his cheeks, and the motion of his jaw working over and over again to kiss Lan Wangji was incredibly hot.
Without thinking, Lan Wangji trailed his hands downwards. Over his shoulders, down his biceps, to seize Wei Ying by the waist and pull him bodily into his lap.
Wei Ying adapted easily to the new position, burying his fingers in Lan Wangji’s hair and scooting forwards until they were flush together, strong legs framing Lan Wangji’s hips and squeezing at them as Wei Ying swooped back down to claim his mouth again.
Lan Wangji didn't know how long they stayed like that, Lan Wangji holding onto Wei Ying's hips for dear life and Wei Ying wringing feeble moans out of him with soft rolls of his clever tongue. Eventually he began to notice an odd creak in his jaw, aching from the uncountable number of ardent kisses they had exchanged. He had no mind to stop, though.
After another moment, Lan Wangji recognized a centralized, more immediate ache in his middle back, and he realized that the sturdy beam that framed the back of the daybed was digging into him rather harshly as it supported both Lan Wangji's own weight and also Wei Ying’s, who had draped himself heavily over him.
With some reluctance, he detached himself from Wei Ying long enough to croak the word, “Bed.”
“So forward!” Wei Ying pealed, delighted.
Taking that as permission, Lan Wangji slid his hands to lay hold of his rear, hoisted them both up and carried Wei Ying the short distance to his bed.
Wei Ying whooped in surprise, but he clung to Lan Wangji happily, kept his limbs wrapped around him like a sloth even as Lan Wangji lowered them into a laying position. He slotted one of his thighs between Wei Ying’s and felt a burning hardness there. Wei Ying hissed in pleasure as he applied gentle pressure, then lowered himself down completely to press his own erection against Wei Ying's hip.
“O-oh fuck ,” Wei Ying breathed, breath hitching as Lan Wangji adjusted their positions. “Fuck, Lan Zhan…”
Lan Wangji kissed his lips again, dipped his tongue between them as though it had never left, and Wei Ying’s hands roamed over his back, his ass, hooking one of his legs around Lan Wangji’s ankle.
Afterwards, he brushed smaller, dainty kisses against Wei Ying's cheek, his temple, the crossroads of neck, jaw, and ear. Wei Ying occasionally jerked at the new sensations, staccato breaths felt against Lan Wangji’s chest.
The taste of Wei Ying's skin was slightly salty, and distinctly masculine. He found that he liked the taste very much, almost as much as he liked the taste of Wei Ying's mouth.
Bearing his full weight down on Wei Ying, Lan Wangji’s hips fell into a grind, moving of their own accord. He buried his face in Wei Ying's neck, helpless to do anything now but surround himself with that intoxicating scent.
“Hang on, we need to…” Wei Ying began, then flipped them over without warning, switching their positions.
He swung his legs over Lan Wangji’s hips so that he was straddling him again, and then leaned back to sit on his haunches, attacking at the ties of his inner robe.
Eventually the robe fell open, and Lan Wangji immediately smoothed his hands over the bare skin it revealed. Wei Ying’s eyes fell closed as he leaned into it, hips starting back into movement.
Lan Wangji pulled Wei Ying to him, leaning forward swiftly to take a nipple, still yet soft and dusky brown, between his lips.
Wei Ying cried out, arms flinging forward to encircle Lan Wangji, one wrapping across his shoulders, and the other landing to clutch directly at his head as Lan Wangji swirled his tongue around that hardening bud.
As he lavished Wei Ying's torso with attention, Wei Ying rocked into him harder, totally unselfconscious, and tilted his head back in pleasure.
Lan Wangji wanted everything with Wei Ying, but in that moment, he was finding it difficult to decide whether he didn't want to simply just bring them off like this.
“Unhh, Lan Zhan, yes, yes, unhh, no, wait, no, no! ” Wei Ying's voice was abruptly riddled with panic as he moved to shove Lan Wangji off of him. “Wait, wait, we can't do this, you're drunk!”
“So are you,” Lan Wangji replied, thinking that surely they were well past this line of thought by now. He nuzzled at Wei Ying’s chin, kissed the skin underneath and then mumbled, “Fair’s fair.”
He kissed Wei Ying again, thinking then that he would never get tired of sharing the same breath, of the way that Wei Ying sharply inhaled when he was kissed.
Wei Ying broke off with a gasp, still arguing with him. “You say that now, but what happens in the morning?”
“Will still love Wei Ying in the morning,” Lan Wangji replied easily.
Wei Ying choked on nothing.
“Sure, yeah, okay, okay…” Wei Ying squeaked. “But, what I mean is, you really have no head for wine at all. Come morning you’ll have forgotten all of this! You already won't remember our first kiss. Don't you want to remember our first time?”
Right. That was why it was a bad idea to drink in exchange for kisses. He knew there was a reason. He eased off of Wei Ying with some disappointment.
“That was not our first kiss,” Lan Wangji grumbled, but there was no bite to it. Not when Wei Ying had said the word first, as though he were already planning for more.
Then he bit Wei Ying anyway.
“Think I would remember if I'd ever kissed you,” Wei Ying said confidently. “I may have a bad memory, but I'm pretty sure that is something I would never forget.”
Lan Wangji brought his hand up, raised it to cover Wei Ying’s eyes. He felt it when Wei Ying blinked, and then as his eyes widened in understanding, eyelashes scraping lightly against his palm.
“No… that was you!?”
Lan Wangji said nothing to that. It had been nearly two decades, but truthfully he was still somewhat embarrassed, ashamed at having done such a thing. He would reveal enough by omission. Wei Ying would understand fine, even if he still couldn't bring himself to admit it.
And Wei Ying did understand. He pushed Lan Wangji’s hand back down, looking rather more delighted than Lan Wangji thought was necessarily appropriate.
“Lan Zhan, you bad man! I can't believe you! That was my first kiss, you know. You took it right out of my mouth! What do you have to say for yourself?”
Wei Ying was certainly teasing. Lan Wangji could tell, even in this state. But still, he couldn't find it in him to be anything except utterly sincere.
“I knew it was wrong… I'm sorry.”
Wei Ying tipped his head back and cackled.
“‘I’m sorry,’ he says, like we didn't just make out for half an hour,” he chuckled. Then, the creases in his face smoothed out, and he became serious once again. “...Did you really want me all the way back then?”
“Longer.”
The word slipped out before he could catch it. He felt a short pang of panic sweep through him at his candidness, but then he remembered that they had just, as Wei Ying succinctly put it, ‘made out for half an hour,’ so maybe it wouldn't bother Wei Ying that he had been occupying his thoughts for so long?
“I had no idea,” Wei Ying said, with wonder in his voice. “I thought you still hated me, then.”
“Still?”
“Well, not hated,” Wei Ying amended. “I think I'd thought we’d at least moved on to toleration by then.”
“Wei Ying,” Lan Wangji said imploringly. “I have never hated you.”
“Well, okay, yes, I'm sure there's some rule against hating somewhere in your clan’s precepts,” Wei Ying said, “But if not hate, then surely something adjacent to it, no? Back then, all I did was annoy you.”
Lan Wangji slid his fingers into Wei Ying's hair, resting the other hand on the small of his back. Wei Ying’s eyes drifted shut, and a tiny smile graced his lips.
“Wanted you then, too.”
Wei Ying's eyes flew back open.
“What? Don't be ridiculous. Do you mean to suggest that you wanted to kiss me even when I was smuggling porn into your poetry books? When I followed you naked into the cold springs?”
“Especially then.”
Wei Ying huffed, and set his chin to rest on Lan Wangji’s chest.
“You know, the real bitch of it is, I think I would have let you,” he mused. “Really, it's a tragedy that you only did it once. When I came back, I thought that things were, you know, different this time around.”
“When did you know?”
Wei Ying shrugged. “It’s been a while. It was pretty obvious right away that something had changed. You weren't exactly subtle. I kept expecting something to come of it, and when you didn't do anything I thought, fair, with all that other stuff going on, it probably wasn't the right time. But now that's all settled, and you and me, we just stayed still. I was thinking maybe I had it wrong.”
“Hm. You didn't. I love you.”
Wei Ying whined, dropped his face down to hide it in Lan Wangji’s chest.
“How can you say such things?” He mumbled, muffled by the fabric. “You have to warn me first.”
“I will say it again tomorrow. This is your warning.”
Wei Ying picked his head back up again, and watched him with a peculiar expression. “Tomorrow you won't even know we had this conversation.”
Lan Wangji stared at him hard. “You will tell me.”
Wei Ying hesitated, but then said, “Yeah, I will.”
It sounded far too noncommittal for Lan Wangji’s liking.
“Wei Ying. Tell me.”
“I will, ” Wei Ying insisted.
“Do you not want to be together?”
It was possible. Lan Wangji had laid his feelings bare to Wei Ying, but Wei Ying had made no such declarations. The way Wei Ying spoke, it sounded as though he shared Lan Wangji’s feelings. Or, if not his feelings, then his desires at least. But what if it was Lan Wangji who had gotten it wrong?
Could it be that this was just a night of harmless fun for Wei Ying?
“I do… ”
Without thinking, Lan Wangji rolled them over. Wei Ying yelped and scrambled to grab at Lan Wangji’s shoulders, but as soon as he had Wei Ying on his back, Lan Wangji took him by the front and pinned him to the bed. He swiftly bent down, and latched his mouth firmly onto Wei Ying's neck.
Wei Ying ekked out a stuttering moan, clutching at Lan Wangji and gasping.
“Wh-whoa, hey, what are you doing? What kind of beast are you?” He squawked, but Lan Wangji stayed persistently put, suckling the skin, worrying at it with his teeth and lightly flicking at it with his tongue. Even after releasing the skin from the clutch of his teeth, Lan Wangji kissed the spot several times before withdrawing.
When Lan Wangji leaned back to check his work, Wei Ying was panting hard, chest heaving. The mark was a deep purple, and would be unmistakable to anyone who saw it for the next several days. He observed it with pride for a few seconds, and then pushed against it with his finger, watching the skin around it turn pale under the pressure, which only served to make it look that much darker.
“Was that really necessary?” said Wei Ying.
“If you do not tell me, I will assume you got it somewhere else,” Lan Wangji replied.
“You think? Even if you’re hugging me when you wake up?”
Lan Wangji considered this. “If you do not tell me, I will assume you got it somewhere else.”
Wei Ying rolled his eyes.
“Fine,” he said, “Then…”
He darted forward, grabbed Lan Wangji by the head and attacked his neck messily. By comparison, Lan Wangji had been careful in the way he had marked Wei Ying. But he could only consider what Wei Ying was doing to be making out with his neck, and rather passionately too.
It felt incredible. Each swipe of Wei Ying's hot tongue in the soft dip beneath his jugular went straight to his cock, and he had to think very hard to remember why it was that he couldn't seek his release with Wei Ying just now.
It was over as abruptly as it started. Wei Ying set his head back down onto the cushions, wiping excess saliva from his mouth with the back of his hand. He looked immensely satisfied with himself.
“There,” he said smugly, “Fair’s fair, after all. Think you’ll assume that you got that somewhere else?”
Lan Wangji had to agree it was unlikely.
They settled, calming their bodies and arranging themselves so that their limbs fit together comfortably.
Wei Ying rested his head down on Lan Wangji’s shoulder, and Lan Wangji stroked at his hair with one hand, traced characters across Wei Ying's back with his other. Words like, “mine,” and “eternal,” and simply, “love.”
“You big silly,” said Wei Ying quietly, his voice fond. “Did you really think I wasn't going to say anything? I started it, if you recall. You're the one that had to drink an amnesia potion to let yourself do it.”
It did seem rather silly now. Lan Wangji thought then that he probably wasn't quite as drunk now as he had been before, though that floaty feeling in his head still hadn't dissipated, nor had the aching between his legs.
Perhaps, if he pulled through and stayed awake through the night, he would not forget.
Vowing not to fall asleep, Lan Wangji redoubled his grip on Wei Ying and squeezed him tightly. Wei Ying dropped a small kiss onto his shoulder over his sleep shirt.
A few minutes passed, and then Wei Ying descended into soft snores. Lan Wangji decided that he would perhaps meditate, to take care of his pants situation.
Lan Wangji's eyes closed, and he slept.