Chapter Text
Ceroba had barely turned the corner, when Clover felt a sudden, painstaking stab in their chest, their breath hitching as they clutched their side in a feeble attempt to quell the ache. Their limbs felt weak, and before they could even process it, their legs had buckled under them. They were scarcely able to catch themself from faceplanting right there on the ground of what would soon be their final resting place, fighting to catch their breath while their vision steadily grew blurry.
It was agony. It felt like someone had stabbed them in the chest over and over again, and they were left reeling in the distress that came of it. But this was what they had chosen, was it not? This was what they had signed up for. Who cares how much it hurt? This was the best outcome for the future of monsterkind. They would be one step closer to freedom now. This was justice, for all of them.
It was as they were kneeling there, arms shaking under the weight of their own body, that they heard a faint buzzing. The noise grew louder, familiar, and with a shaky breath, they focused entirely on that single sound, words slowly piecing together in their mind.
“S… this… it?”
Flowey. For all his claims of being their “Best Friend”, they did not actually know the flower all too well. Every encounter with him felt forced, as if he was putting up a front. No doubt he had his secrets, but despite this, it was without a doubt that he had been an invaluable support throughout their journey, and so Clover owed them a greater debt than they could ever hope to repay. They closed their eyes and listened as intently as they could.
“All that work just to become another cog in the machine?”
“Heh, you’ve grown so predictable!”
They wanted to laugh. Of course, Flowey was right. In the end, Clover had failed their primary mission. In the end, they had only amounted to be another part of the same cycle. A child fell into Mt. Ebott never to return, and the one that purposefully went down on their own to find the missing children ended up doomed, just like the others. The irony was not lost on Clover.
“I could undo all of this right now but… Maybe you’ve earned your rest.”
Despite the nagging pain in their chest, Clover felt something in them fall slightly at ease with those words. Whether it was from exhaustion or relief, they did not know, but in the end, it did not really matter when the result would be the same. This thought mixed with Flowey’s latter statement caused a somber feeling to settle within them. Yes, they would finally get their rest, but it had cost them dearly. Although, in the grand scheme of things, one life compared to an entire civilization meant nothing if it would bring them one step closer to the freedom they were so desperately longing for.
“After all, there’s always another.”
And is that not just cruel? Despite this sacrifice, the monsters would still be trapped for however long it would take another unfortunate soul to fall into the underground. Even so, the uncertainty of the future remained, Clover recalling how the encounter with the human prior to them had been described. They hoped the next one that falls has a kind soul, that they will be someone with resolve to make the right decisions, no matter what the cost may be. That is all they could do. Hope.
After all, their story was already over, was it not? They made their bed, and now they must lie in it.
They just hoped the next one can fulfill what Clover could not.
That the next one can bring peace.
…
Flowey’s voice called them back to attention.
“Can’t say it’s been fun so… I suppose this is where we part ways.”
“Oh, who am I kidding?”
“Until we meet again… friend.”
Clover let go of a shaky breath. ‘Friend’. They knew that Flowey had regarded himself as their best friend from the moment they met the small flower, but the way he had stated the word this time was somehow more sincere than what Clover had ever heard from him before. That alone brought them more comfort than anything else Flowey could have ever told them about their friendship. This was a confirmation that despite the short time they had known him, they had still managed to have a positive impact on him, despite how closed off he was. That was what Clover chose to believe.
The air was filled with a sense of finality as they opened their eyes, the flower having concluded whatever he felt Clover should have heard before they passed on. It was as they were kneeling there, staring meticulously at the cherry blossom petals underneath them, that they steadfastly found the resolve to move. If they were going to die, they would not die lying pitifully on the ground. They could at least make themself more comfortable during their last minutes.
The moment they moved their arms to prepare themself to act on this thought, their breath hitched as another sharp sting painfully stabbed into their chest. They harshly bit their lip and cradled their chest with one arm whilst they haltingly dragged themself forward with their other one, their entire body being pulled down with fatigue that felt heavier for every small progress they made in their mission. Every movement brought about another sharp reminder of their impending doom, but they stubbornly kept going.
It felt like an eternity had passed when they finally reached their destination, carefully positioning their body to lean against the brick fence. They serenely gazed at their surroundings, their vision blurred and melting shapes and hues around them into a colorful mess of unidentifiable motions. Clover found that their breaths were barely there anymore, reduced to a weak whistle as their chest scarcely moved under their resting arm.
So, this was it? Their entire journey, all their fights, all their hardships, it all led up to this moment. In the end, they could not fulfill their primary objective. This mission was doomed from the start, was it not? They could not be bothered to physically react to that devastating thought, their energy slowly fading as they fought to keep their eyes open. They do not know why they were still trying so desperately to persist. After all, they had already reached the point of no return.
Even so, they adamantly held on to their last moments as long as they could, although they knew it was only a matter of time before their body would finally fail them. And so, as they weakly inhaled, they thought of their journey, of their newfound friends, of the ones they failed and the ones they inspired, of the hardships they met and the victories they achieved.
They felt comfort running through their entire being as they came to the conclusion that if they were to ever go through this journey again, they would not change a thing for the world. With that resounding thought, they finally closed their eyes, and let go…
…
Clover lied in the ensuing darkness for some time. Whether that time was seconds, minutes, hours or even days, they did not know. All they felt at that moment was the subsequent calmness that filtered throughout their entire being while time slowly went on. They could not place whether this feeling was supposed to be relaxing or worrisome.
The calm steadily crept over their entire being, what pain they had felt before gradually dissipating into a subdued dullness. First their legs, then their fingers, up to their torso, and finally, it had neared their head. The nothingness felt somewhat nice, better than the horrid pain from before they passed on, that is for sure. Clover had been through this time and time again for every battle they had lost, however this time Flowey would not be bringing them back. They had faced many challenges before, and they would consider this another one. So, steeling their nerves, they prepared for the haunting howl of endless darkness and an eternity of lost sensations.
Or at least that is what they would have liked to say, were it not for the fact that the world slowly began fading back into view the moment the nothingness had settled over their entire being. That… was unexpected. What.
They opened their eyes, the world completely coming back into focus, almost as if nothing had changed at all. Clover slowly blinked, a sense of uncertainty settling over them. What was going on? Were they… not dead?
Warily, they lifted their arms, staring at them in muted astonishment. It was as though they were only half there, their arms adorning a slight transparency. Furrowing their brows, a frown pulling at their lips, they took in their surroundings one more time. Everything was as it had been before they passed, the environment completely unbothered by Clover’s existence, or rather half thereof. As time went on, they only felt their confusion grow more and more apparent, completely engulfing their thoughts as they looked down at themself.
Unlike their arms, their legs seemed to be completely visible. Normally that would not be out of the ordinary, but it posed the question of why their arms were transparent then. Carefully, they moved their legs, preparing to stand when-
“!”
Their movements sharply halted as the limps separated into two completely different ones just as transparent as their arms, their visible legs unmoved by the deliberate motion. Their eyes widened as they took in the sight, a growing sense of concern embedding their mind. What was this? What is going on? Why are they transparent like this and how come their body did not move at all when they tried to stand?
Experimentally, they placed their leg back down onto the solid limb until the transparency had faded. Then they lifted it again and the same result happened; The transparent limb separated, but the solid one stayed put. It was at that moment, something seemed to click within Clover. Shakily, they stood up, their transparent limps completely separating from their visible ones with ease. They braced themself, taking a deep breath and holding it as they slowly turned around.
Before them lied themself, or rather their remains, hollowly slumped against the brick fence they had fought tooth and nail to reach beforehand. Whatever trace of life that once could have been found on the small cowboy was entirely gone, exuding a special kind of melancholy adorned by the protective shadow of the tree before them. They looked so small and fragile next to the scenery. It was surreal to say the least.
Clover could do nothing but stare at their own carcass, eyes flitting across the body like they believed it would all soon fade away and be revealed to be nothing more than a messed-up hallucination. Alas, the body did not disappear, and the longer they took in the scene, the greater their unease grew. There was something extremely unnatural about the way they were able to take in their appearance like this, after all this should not even be possible, right?
They found that they could not move their gaze away, no matter how much they wanted to. Their eyes flit everywhere between the calloused and bruised hands of the carcass, to the lack of motion from their chest that had once brought life to their entire being, to their unkept hair clinging sickly to their still vibrant skin, then all over again. Finally, they found their inspection led them to their own face. At first glance, they could trick their mind to believe that they were just resting, an exhaustive and serene feature embellishing their expression, however as they looked closer, the ghastly truth became more apparent.
It was as they met their own lifeless, half open eyes that they harshly forced themself to look away, the dull, hollow, yellow of their own iris being embedded into their mind. Breath unsteady, they looked back down at their own translucent, shaking hands. It felt unreal, fake, like it would only be a moment before they woke up and it all turned out to be an odd dream. Yet despite that naïve fantasy, they knew better.
Shaking their head harshly, they turned around and swiftly left down the path towards the street of New Home. They just had to get away from the balcony, collect their thoughts for a moment, and so they focused on walking. That was all they could do now. Walk and do not look back. Leave that scene behind. Just get out of here, anywhere else but those sickly-sweet pink petals and that lonesome grey balcony.
Taking deliberate and careful breaths, they made their way onto the street. It felt odd to walk. It was almost as if they were floating, but they knew they were touching the ground, they must be. Even now when they were looking around, hearing the wind, their feet taking careful steps, they could not really feel… anything. At all.
Placing their hand on their lips in thought, they kept their gaze on the stone floor as they moved. So, they were dead, or at least they were not in their body anymore. This begged the question, was this some sort of sick hallucination before they ultimately pass on? Whenever they had died during a battle, in the course of those few moments before Flowey brought them back, everything had just been dark and numb. Even thinking throughout those times had been difficult. Never had they expected to be able to return like this.
But then, why was this different? Why were they back here, and why were they only partially visible? There were just too many questions with no immediate answers. And even if, by some odd circumstance, this was temporary and they were just going to completely pass on within the next couple of moments, why were they allowed to be here again? It did not make any sense at all…
Their ponderings were abruptly cut short as they heard the whoosh of metallic doors opening. Finally looking up from the ground, they realized that they had wandered all the way over to the elevator they had seen before when walking with Martlet. Back then, they had other matters to attend to, that being finding Ceroba, so they had not investigated further. This was supposed to lead to the King, right?
Noticing the three figures emerging from said elevator elicited a pleasant surprise for Clover. They lit up and immediately began approaching the forms of their friends, reaching their hand up to wave. However, they were met with no response as Ceroba, Starlo and Martlet neared them.
Ceroba were in the front of the group, clutching her staff tightly and looking at the ground with a somber expression. Beside her was Starlo, a hand placed on her shoulder in a comforting manner, seeming to be saddened himself. Lastly, behind the two childhood best friends was Martlet, her arms positioned in a soothing self-hug and posture slumped. Even from a distance, it was easy to tell that the general mood of the group was far from positive.
Clover frowned, gradually lowering their hand and slowing down their approach. The others did not seem to change their pace at all. Surely, they would notice them once they had neared. However, as the four of them eventually crossed paths, Clover had to hastily move to the side to avoid a collision with Ceroba, stumbling slightly at the sudden maneuver they were forced to make.
The three of them had not even spared Clover a second glance, continuing their trek forward. What was that about? Were they… ignoring them? No, they would not just do that. Not after those sentimental words they had shared right before-
Clover stalled and looked down at their hands with a pensive expression. Right, they were only half there. Maybe they thought Clover was some kind of grief-stricken hallucination, or they just did not notice them at first glance. Well, that would certainly not do, Clover was right there! They just had to be more direct and surely, the three of them would realize what was going on.
They quickly made their way towards the group, this time keeping pace with Martlet. She did not look better close up, her gaze unfocused and seeming to be staring out at nothing. Her hands were trembling but kept a firm grip on her arms, as if they were the only thing keeping her together in this moment.
It hurt to see her like this. To know that this was a result of their actions. Clover wanted nothing more than to assure her that they were fine, that everything would be alright, that this would all turn out for the better for her and monsterkind.
But first off, start by letting her know about their return, maybe figure out why they have returned, and then… well they could figure out the details later. For now, get her attention.
While they were usually not one to talk without initially being addressed by someone else, they found this situation to be a fitting reason for them to reach out first. Steeling their resolve, they carefully broke the silence.
“…Martlet?”
…
Martlet’s demeanor remained unaffected, her wandering uninterrupted. Odd, did she not hear them? Maybe they just needed to talk louder. They coughed slightly before opening their mouth to speak again, this time a little louder in tone.
“Martlet.”
Yet, there was still no response. Clover understood that Martlet was distracted, but this time their voice would have definitely been heard, if not by Martlet, then by Starlo or Ceroba. Despite this, none of them had so much as batted an eye or even acknowledged their presence. Clover’s brows furrowed, a growing sense of unease settling over them.
Shaking their head roughly, they tried one more time, reaching out to grab Martlet’s arm with a more decisive voice, determined to gain her attention this time.
“Martlet-”
Clover startled, jumping back and clutching their wrist as if they had been bitten. Freezing mid step, they stared wide-eyed at the backs of their friends, the distance between them steadily growing for every second that passed. No. No, this cannot be. They are right there, the three of them are right there! They could see them, they were right in reach, so why? Why had they not seen them? Why had they not heard them? Why had their hand-
Their hand…
Why had it…
Passed through her.
As if there was no resistance. As if there was nothing but air. As if she was not there.
As if Clover was not there…