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Junta always did have a hard time sleeping before a big game. You would think he would be used to it by now, but call it a mix of self-esteem issues, growing up in a noisy household, or just simple performance anxiety, here he was sitting on the couch, white-knuckling a glass of water because he felt just a little too nauseous to drink it.
The silence was getting oppressive, but Kazuki was a light sleeper and Junta didn’t want to wake him up by turning on the T.V. Instead, he was idly scrolling through his phone. 2:12AM blinked in the corner of the screen. That wasn’t good. His coach was constantly hounding them that proper sleep is important before a big game.
“Isn’t proper sleep important before a big game?”
Junta found it odd that he didn’t jump at the noise. Like his body knew this place was safe. Home in a way that his crowded house never had been. Like his body had sensed Kazuki’s presence even before his consciousness had. He wondered if it had something to do with Riri’s magic or if it was just the simple result of falling into Anzu Hoshino’s orbit.
Junta sighed. “That’s what my coach always says.”
“So why are you awake?” Kazuki said, making his way over to the kitchen and pouring himself a glass of water.
Junta didn’t really want to talk about it. “Why are you?”
Kazuki shrugged with a feigned casualness that even Junta could see through. “Nightmare.”
“Oh,” Junta said. “Do you… want to talk about it—”
“No,” Kazuki said immediately.
Yeah, that was fair. Junta shared the sentiment.
“Are you going to drink that?” Kazuki asked, nodding to the water in Junta’s hand.
“I—” Junta started. “I’ll be honest, I feel a little bit like I’ll throw up if I do.” He let out a strained chuckle and awkwardly rubbed the back of his head.
Kazuki just hummed in response. And began to rummage through a few things in the kitchen. Neither of them were particularly good at talking. And certainly not to each other. But they’d fallen into a certain dynamic that Junta found comforting. Which is why he continued to not say anything and just watched Kazuki navigate the kitchen with the natural ease of someone who cooked basically every meal for what was essentially a family of four. Whoops. He opened the fridge. Cabinet. Kettle. Water pouring. Spoon against glass. Spoon placed in sink. Junta let the quiet sounds wash over him.
Junta felt gentle fingers against his own and opened his eyes to see Kazuki replacing the glass of water in his hand with a mug. Junta raised an eyebrow at him.
“It’s chamomile tea. With ginger.” Kazuki’s voice was level but the gesture betrayed his indifference. “Both help with sleep and nausea.”
Junta blinked up at him in surprise. “Oh. Thanks.”
“No worries,” Kazuki said. “Also…”
“Yeah?”
“You should trust yourself more.”
Huh? “Huh?”
“Tomorrow, I mean,” Kazuki said, not meeting his eyes. “You’ll be fine.”
Oh. Of course Kazuki had figured out he couldn’t sleep because of the game tomorrow.
Junta’s lips quirked up at the awkward attempt at comfort. “Thanks,” he said.
Kazuki nodded like he was satisfied with this response and headed back upstairs.
No, neither of them were particularly good at talking. And certainly not to each other. But Junta couldn’t help but think that a mug of hot tea and some stuttered reassurance was plenty enough communication for him.
*
The odd thing was— the nightmares got worse after Kazuki found out that Kishi had lost her memories of him. But that was okay, because it had been a long time since Kazuki felt whole. Felt fine. Felt human. Felt like he wasn’t a collection of jagged edges that would hurt anyone who would touch him. Like he wasn’t a scared child cowering in a darkened alleyway. Like he wasn’t a broken thing that didn’t quite know how to put itself together.
He’d just expected it to get better , instead of worse.
Hoshino had told him to take as much time as needed. Even Junta’s quiet presence had such an overwhelmingly non-judgemental air that Kazuki knew he felt the same. And Riri, well, Riri was a force unto themselves. And a force that Kazuki was grateful was on their side.
So here he was, making his way downstairs for a glass of water at 2AM for the third time this week. He almost hoped that he would run into Junta again. That had helped last time. Another person just in the vicinity. Safety in numbers. Power of friendship. Whatever. Ultimately, he trusted Junta to watch his back if worse came to worse and that was enough for him. In the same way that he knew Hoshino had, and in the same— albeit somewhat twisted— way that Riri had.
And that’s who he found on the couch as he made his way downstairs. Not watching T.V. or even scrolling through their phone like Junta had been. Just hunched on the couch, knees drawn to their chest, thumb in their mouth as they chewed at a fingernail fiercely.
“Hello,” Kazuki said.
“I’m sorry I took away her memories, but I couldn’t take away your nightmares,” Riri said cheerily in response and waved at him.
Kazuki tried not to wince at that. “Not your fault,” he said and slumped down next to Riri— Rio now. Kazuki hadn’t noticed the first few times they’d done it, but now he knew it was on purpose. Riri always changed into Rio whenever it was just the two of them. He tried not to think too hard about why.
“Uh oh,” Rio said. “Did I say something wrong?”
“No,” Kazuki said. “It was just… sudden.”
“Oh,” Rio said, going back to chewing at a hangnail. “Sometimes I don’t quite know how to do this right.”
“Do what? Sleep?” Kazuki asked, aiming for a joke.
“Yes!” Rio said, eyes lighting up. “I don’t know how to sleep right.” And then Rio got a little more animated. “I forget I need to eat food or drink water and I bump into things all the time because I can’t fly and I just…”
Rio trailed off. He took the hangnail in between his teeth and slowly peeled it off, chewed and swallowed. The cut gently oozed blood.
“I just don’t think I’m very good at being human,” Rio finished.
Kazuki didn’t quite know what possessed him to do it, but he yanked Rio’s hand out of his mouth and put his lips around the cut, licking at the blood. It was metallic and bitter and undeniably human to him, at least.
“Oh,” Rio said, somewhat taken aback.
“Sorry,” Kazuki said. “You were bleeding.”
“Right,” Rio said.
“That’s pretty human to me,” Kazuki said. And then he pressed down on the cut a little harder.
“Ow!” Rio pouted.
“Did that hurt?”
“Yes, obviously!”
“That seems pretty human to me too.”
“Blood?” Rio stared at him in shock. “And pain?”
“There’s more, of course,” Kazuki said hurriedly.
“Like what?”
Kazuki fidgeted. What else was he supposed to say? Love and joy and sex? The want to hurt or help or heal? Emotions? “You should ask Hoshino,” he settled on saying. “She’s very good at being human.”
Rio stared at him a little too hard. In the soft moonlight, his eyes looked an almost reflective blue. Like a cat’s. Kazuki could only stare as Rio brought up his hand to cup Kazuki’s face. The mess of saliva and blood on Rio’s thumb smeared across his cheek. And to his complete shock, his body leaned into the touch.
“I think you’re also very good at being human,” Rio whispered. “A different kind of human. I think I’m more your type of human than I am Hoshino’s type of human.”
Kazuki looked into those unsettling eyes and thought of jagged edges and darkened alleyways and broken things. Of protecting Anzu Hoshino to the detriment of their career, their life, their magic. Of nightmares come to life.
“I know exactly what you mean,” Kazuki replied, closed his eyes, and nuzzled even further into Rio’s palm.
*
Riri awoke to the sounds of video game music, button mashing, and Anzu’s cursing. Wait… Awoke! Which meant they slept! They gave themselves a gold star in their head and pranced downstairs.
Downstairs, Anzu and Junta were sitting on the floor, playing some game that involved two characters jumping a lot while Kazuki read a book on the sofa.
“I was sleeping ,” Riri said to Kazuki, utterly delighted.
Kazuki gave them a small smile. “I’m glad.”
Anzu paid the two of them no attention, but Junta gave them a confused look. Riri decided to ignore this.
It was then they noticed that it was 1:49AM. That was strange. Everyone was usually asleep by now, unless one of them had a nightmare— which Kazuki frequently did, and Anzu sometimes did, and Junta almost never did.
“Why aren’t we all sleeping?” Riri asked.
“It’s Friday,” Anzu said, distractedly.
Riri blinked.
“There’s no school tomorrow,” Kazuki clarified.
Oh, right, Fridays meant no school tomorrow.
“You can go back to sleep, if you want,” Junta said sweetly. He did everything sweetly. It made Riri feel all warm inside. “You don’t have to stay up with us.”
Riri shrugged, changed into Rio and slumped into the couch next to Kazuki.
“You don’t have to do that,” Kazuki said quietly to them.
“Hmm?”
“Change into Rio around me,” Kazuki said. “You can be… uh… whoever you want. I don’t mind.”
Riri beamed at him. “Okay!” And transformed back into Riri. Riri felt a little more comfortable in their skin today, but sometimes Kazuki would flinch around her in a way that he didn’t around Rio, so it just made logical sense to be Rio. It’s not like they really cared. All human bodies still felt a little odd, but they were getting surprisingly attached to Riri.
And! They had a phone now. And books. And Kazuki was teaching them how to cook. It was all very sweet and lovely and homey. Even if Anzu found it harder to stomach psychological thrillers these days. Even if Kazuki still got that haunted look in his eyes sometimes. Even if Junta touched them all a lot more now— longer hugs with Anzu, tighter shoulder grabs with Kazuki, stronger brushes of hands and skin with them— as if he was scared they would all disappear or leave. Like he was making sure they were still alive and breathing. Safe. Riri could relate.
Riri didn’t even realise they’d fallen asleep until they felt Kazuki shift from under them. Oh. They’d fallen asleep on Kazuki’s shoulder. Oh. And he was moving away. Oh no.
“Sssh,” Kazuki’s voice said as he gently guided their head to his lap, instead of on his shoulder. Oh, well, they should have done that from the beginning. This was much better. “Go back to sleep,” Kazuki said from above them now.
“She looks so… small,” Junta’s voice felt like it was coming from very far away. “Delicate.”
“I almost don’t even hate her right now,” Anzu said.
Riri tried getting up to protest this, but then there was a hand in their hair, gently petting their scalp and they all but melted into the touch. Something about this moment felt important. That Kazuki was willing to touch and hold and caress Riri , not Rio.
But then Kazuki just whispered, “Sleep” again, and Riri did just that.
When Riri woke up again, they weren’t sure they were awake at all, because they were being carried upstairs in Anzu’s arms. Which had to be a dream, because why would she ever do that. This whole sleeping and waking business was a bigger hassle than they thought. And now they had to add dreams into the mix.
So, they mumbled, “Did you know that sleep comes easier when you feel safe?”
They felt Anzu’s body stiffen against them and wondered if they’d somehow made another faux pas, but then she just gently said. “Is that why you were able to sleep downstairs? Because you felt safe?”
“Mhm.” Riri sighed, wrapped up in the warm cocoon of dream-Anzu’s arms. “I love you.” And then they were asleep again.
*
Sleep was a difficult thing in the Hoshino household. Kazuki had nightmares. Junta had anxiety. Riri, well, Riri barely knew how to sleep. And Anzu had always had a fucked up sleep-schedule. Mostly because of the gaming, but more recently because she had joined Kazuki in the nightmare department.
This one was particularly bad. Luckily, Anzu only remembered it in random flashes (the sharp glint of a knife, the inability to run because of a hard wall against her back, black liquid pouring down her face that smelled like metal), but the pounding of her heart and sweat on her palms was very much real. She panicked for a second when she woke up alone and then remembered that Riri had decided to sleep with Junta that night.
When Riri had first pouted and claimed that they slept the best with another person in bed, Anzu had scoffed, thinking it was another ploy to get close to her (pun wholeheartedly intended), but then Riri had just shrugged and slept with Junta that night, and Anzu had guiltily realised that Riri was being honest. Junta had been surprisingly on board with the whole “Riri needs another person to sleep” development, and then had sheepishly admitted that his younger siblings would sometimes sleep with him and he missed it.
So Riri had started taking turns sleeping with them (double entendre not intended).
Kazuki only ever slept with Rio, which simultaneously made perfect sense and also made no sense at all. There was so much trauma in that boy, and Anzu was not going to start unpacking it till he was ready, so she didn’t question it.
Right now, though, Anzu needed hot chocolate. She stepped outside and her blood went cold when she heard noises coming from downstairs. And then immediately calmed when she recognised it as Kazuki and Rio. Wow, she was on edge. That nightmare had really done a number on her.
Rio’s face fell when he saw her. Okay. Rude.
But then he said, “Oh. I’m sorry I got you too,” and Anzu decided there were probably more factors at play here.
“What’s going on?” Anzu asked, realising that the entire household had collected on the couch with Junta and Kazuki sandwiching Rio in between them, for some reason.
Junta and Kazuki looked at Rio who fidgeted in his seat. “I had a nightmare.”
Oh. Poor thing. “Oh, Rio, I’m so sorry,” Anzu rushed downstairs and knelt in front of him. “I don’t know if this is going to make things better or worse, but I had one too, so I know how much it sucks.”
And that really must not have been the right thing to say because Rio threw his arms around her, pulled her in tight, and burst into tears.
Anzu must have looked particularly helpless, because Junta gently drew Rio into his arms instead.
“There, there,” Junta said in what Anzu assumed must have been a voice he had used countless times with injured younger siblings, as Rio continued to cry against Junta.
“It has something to do with his magic,” Kazuki sighed. “He said the nightmare made him lose control of his magic and he, uh, infected us all with nightmares, as well.”
“Oh,” Anzu said. “So you…”
“Yeah,” Kazuki said.
“And Junta…”
“Yeah.”
Well that sucked.
“Alright! We’re all sleeping together tonight,” Anzu said, getting up and putting her hands on her hips.
All three boys looked at her with furious blushes on their faces. Anzu felt her cheeks heating up as well. “Not like that!” She said. And then sighed. “I don’t want to be alone right now,” she said, her voice oddly small. “Do any of you?”
Silence across the room. Everyone traded glances and realised that no one was particularly inclined to be on their own right now.
And that is how futons and blankets got dragged downstairs, and ten minutes later, they were all sprawled on the living room floor with their respective favourite hot liquids— chamomile tea for Junta (a new development; as far as Anzu knew, Junta had never been a tea person), decaf coffee for Kazuki, and hot chocolate for Rio and Anzu. Rio had all but burrowed himself into Anzu’s arms and she protested only half-heartedly. She could also use someone to cuddle right now and everyone in the room seemed to know that.
Junta and Kazuki were on the other side of Rio, not touching, but close enough to. She was pretty sure that would change over the course of the night. They put something light and silly on the T.V. They sipped their drinks and let warmth replace tension in their bodies. They all glanced at each other too often, as if making sure the others were safe and alive. They tried to be okay.
When Anzu finally fell asleep, it was to the sound of Junta’s quiet snores and Kazuki and Rio’s gentle chatter. She didn’t have a single dream.