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Jean Bart may not have been on a pirate ship in years, but he's pretty sure that huddling in the middle of the night at the Infirmary door for no reason beyond spying on his captain isn't typical crew bonding activity.
Though now he wasn't so sure about that, considering one of his nakama noticed his presence and quietly sneered at him. That caught the attention of the rest of the group of five present, who waved their hands at him.
There was a mutual understanding between them, which resulted in Uni breaking off and signaling Jean Bart to follow him.
He obeyed, of course, after all he was the new guy on the crew.
“Do you want to join the mission?”
“Mission?”
“It's like stealth training” Uni explained very seriously, arms folded. “Since it's the first time, you can just watch, but without hindering the mission.”
It made sense, Jean Bart thought, taking him out of the picture, all Hearts were good at not drawing attention to themselves and it made sense that they would have had training. He supposed the captain hadn't suggested it because he was too tall, twice as tall as Bepo, and would draw attention just by his presence in all situations.
“What's this about?”
Uni pulled a small piece of paper from his pocket and unfolded it. Jean bart bent down to get a better look. He recognized the thick lines Bepo was making instantly, it was a map of the infirmary and there were three red circles on three pieces of furniture and a yellow square in front of a chair.
“The captain is here” Uni said, pointing to the square. “We must steal the targets without him noticing.”
Jean Bart looked carefully at the map. Two of the marked areas were at reasonable distances, he located one as the little table with several drawers with tools that Law used for operations, and the other was one of the cupboards in the back, which he didn't know what was in it but it didn't look like a big deal. The last one, however, was practically next to the captain, undoubtedly the most difficult part.
“What are we looking for in each place?” Jean Bart asked.
“Some tweezers, a blanket and Kikoku.”
“Kikoku? A.... blanket?”
Uni stifled a laugh at his confusion. He patted his back, taking advantage of the fact that in that position and with his height he could do so. Then he regained his composure, rigid as a military captain.
“Let's go over operation 'get your captain to sleep comfortably' from the beginning.”
The name of the operation was... Curious, so to speak. Uni also struck a silly pose as he said it. Totally serious as before, of course. Jean Bart made a mental note to flatly refuse if they suggested he participate in group poses.
“Today the captain looked like he was dead in life, so he probably didn't sleep yesterday and will fall asleep at his desk today.”
Uni began to take on a solemn air, perhaps too solemn for the purpose of this mission. “When he does that, the pose he adapts is horribly uncomfortable and bad for his back. That's something we can't allow.”
He went on to talk about the rest of the details, with each sentence he said, Jean Bart was finding it more and more surreal.
First of all, the captain had been correcting his posture ever since he first came out of the infirmary, having been a slave for so long, the celestial dragon family had gotten him ill accustomed to walking quadruped all the time. There was a time when it came to irritate him that his captain ordered him to stand upright every time they met. Afterwards, the same captain was very insistent that working on little sleep could lead to stupid accidents that would not be tolerated, and when asked loud and clear this morning, he said he felt perfectly well....
I didn't want to think badly of him, as he had proven himself to be very competent and trustworthy in the short time they had sailed together, but right now he seemed like a damned hypocrite.
“The first step is to figure out when we can break into the infirmary. What do you think the plan is, Bart?”
Considering how his nakama were doing when he found them it was pretty obvious. “They were listening to something.”
Uni nodded“ Yes, the desk is conveniently close to the door, and when he's awake he's always doing something, but when he falls asleep he makes practically no noise at all. Well, who's taking care of that?”
“Aren't they all?”
Uni shook her head. “No, only one of them is able to hear clearly what's going on inside. The rest were just mimicking it, for fun.”
“For fun’” Jean Bart repeated in disbelief.
“For fun” Affirmed Uni. ”So who do you think it could be?”
Who had the better ear? Jean Bart's first thought was Bepo, but he wasn't in the group. Considering that Uni had been the one chosen to have this conversation with him, he was out of the question, but among the other four he had no idea.
“You want a clue? Mammals.” What the hell did that mean, they all were, he wasn't ruling anyone out! He wasn't the most cultured man, but he knew that all humans were mammals.
Unless... His nakama couldn't be referring to that, could he?
“Ikkaku” Jean Bart whispered. “Shachi and Bepo too, but they're not around.”
“Right!” Uni gave him the thumbs-up gesture. “Cetaceans have great hearing. They're not the only ones, but the other remarkable ones have water-adapted hearing, so those three are the most reliable on land or inside the Polar Tang. And before you ask, yes, all of us completely human, these characteristics are a mere coincidence.”
“... Sure” Said Jean Bart thinking of Uni's own tendencies to use sharp weapons. And knitting... And apuculture... Injecting... He even used pointed chopsticks which didn't seem very comfortable to use for eating.
“The rest of the roles can be done by anyone, we usually change at each mission iteration, and to avoid confusion we have codenames.”
“... Codenames”
“Step 2 is to get the blanket” Uni pointed to the cupboard circled on the map. “It's not necessary if Bepo participates in the mission, but we non-fluffy ones will fail without it.” At Jean Bart's look waiting for details, he added looking away slightly. “Law is a very light sleeper, if we try to carry him normally he will wake up. But Bepo, Shachi and Penguin found that doing so made him more relaxed. They used a similar blanket with feathers on their home island.”
“Okay. So, this mission is just carrying the captain in bed?” Jean Bart asked, wanting to make absolutely sure. Uni looked at him as if it was obvious, and to be fair it was, but he felt he couldn't be blamed for expressing skepticism in the face of such a mission. “What about the sword?”
“He sleeps better with her, we don't know why, but we have theories. Mine is that it somehow protects him from evil spirits screaming at him.”
Jean Bart wasn't a sword expert, but one of his previous nakama was, and if he doesn't misremember cursed swords are supposed to attract bad luck, not the other way around.
“What about the tweezers?”
“Take off his earrings.”
“...with a pair of tweezers?”
“Of course not, how are we going to do it with just a pair of tweezers?” Well, there's still common sense, why would anyone use tweezers to do something as simple as removing earrings? “We need two minimum. We usually take four” Uni rectified.
You know what? Forget it. He didn't say anything.
“Is that strictly necessary? It seems like a pretty big risk.”
The expression in Uni's eyes darkened momentarily suppressing a bad memory. “Believe me, it is.”
The moment of truth arrived.
Ikkaku gave the signal, and the door to the infirmary was opened with heavy tension and extreme slowness, without making a sound as six pairs of eyes carefully watched every angle of displacement of that door and its hinges, as if it were a matter of life and death.
'The guard' had stayed outside to keep watch and scare away any poor soul that decided to wander into the night, next to him, was Jean Bart 'the new guy' who didn't trust his stealth skills and just slowly studied the captain's reactions while the rest moved deeper into the familiar territory, passing almost beside the captain with soft, long strides.
They parted gracefully, a couple stayed by the captain's side, ready to act when they got the necessary tools, Uni headed to the background, opening the closet too slowly, grabbed the blanket, a large pillow and quickly returned. Now, looking at it more closely, it had the softest look Jean Bart had ever seen.
The fluffy blanket had been placed over the captain successfully, his cap was stolen and his head was resting on a pillow while the rest were trying to wrap him up without touching him directly.
Meanwhile, Ikkaku had managed to bring the four pairs of tongs Uni had mentioned earlier. She stood at the door and signaled, 'the guard' nakama turned into a 'knight' and went to clear the way to the captain's room.
Then, instead of returning with the team, Ikkaku continued to stand in the doorway, looking directly at Jean Bart. She waved her hand motioning for him to approach.
Jean Bart debated whether to move or not, not wanting to spoil such an important mission. Watching them, it was clear they were experts in the field, as if they had been doing this for years and had never failed. He however, had been beaten when his former owners felt it was a very inconvenient mode of transportation.
At his hesitation, Ikkaku seemed willing to pull him along, cursing her height when she realized he didn't reach her hands. She checked the captain for a moment, and at the end a wicked grin rivaling her captain's was plastered on her face.
He moved sideways, stepping away from the door frame and immediately, out of the infirmary emerged 'the Princess Rescue Team' (A name everyone had hoped to keep secret from their Captain more or less forever.) Jean Bart instinctively stepped back to let them pass, moving out of their way, but they didn't advance, they stopped right in front of him.
Ikkaku gestured again with a smile.
He had no choice, did he?
At that instant, Jean Bart turned without warning into 'the princess's carriage' And he could only stand as still as possible with his arms raised and kneeling (because he was still too tall, not because of the princess thing, he supposed) as they arranged the sleeping figure of the captain in his arms.
He rose slowly, mindful not to make any sudden movements.
Then the captain opened one eye.
Jean Bart stopped breathing, alarmed that he had screwed up the Mission.
He looked at it for a few seconds.
Then he closed it again without giving it much thought.
No one had noticed, and Jean Bart could breathe again.
They quietly made their way down the corridor to the captain's quarters and when they arrived, 'the knight' had already opened the door and prepared the bed.
Jean Bart left him there, Ikkaku and Uni, 'the earring surgeons' knelt beside the captain's head and removed his earrings one by one, using one tweezers to hold the earring and the other to open the ring. Jean Bart had not yet understood why not to use his hands directly but guessed there was an intention beyond adding artificial tension.
When it was all done, they huddled in the doorway watching their “princess” sleep as Uni closed the door very slowly.
They high-fived each other, but without making a sound, so they technically just joined palm to palm with each other then went to their respective rooms.
“So, how was your first mission?”
“The code names... Why? we haven't called each other that at any point.”
“Do we need a reason?” They replied with a chuckle
“... You guys just wanted an excuse to call the captain 'Princess'.”
The Hearts stopped, they stopped smiling looking directly at him. Jean Bart became somewhat nervous, believing he had accused quite wrongly. He was about to apologize for it when they all synchronized to smile again at once. They were just scary at times.
“You've integrated nicely, Jean Bart.” Ikkaku hummed.