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Egbert had been experimenting lately.
Specifically with gender. And so far it’s been going okay. She picked out the name June, and her friends had been so supportive of the change. Kanaya even made some clothes for her, it was a whole thing. And it’s been great! Better than great.
She likes being a woman. But the thing is…
It’s not like she disliked being a guy either.
To be honest, She never really felt much but it in general. One of those things that was just- so natural you don’t really think about it. Like breathing. Something so expected that you don’t question it. It never felt like it was- wrong, or anything.
Maybe that’s what was throwing her off. That fact that it wasn’t- ever something that felt wrong, really. And- okay she doesn’t really have super much to compare too. Maybe you don’t need to feel bad about it to change. Maybe change for change's sake is okay!
Then why does it make her feel so- nervous.
It’s been a worry that she’s been carrying for a few days now. A worry that Jade has clearly noticed.
“June?” Jade pauses her digging. The two in her yard, working on some garden space. “Are you alright?”
“Oh! Peachy!” June did not mean for it to sound so- forced. Jade raises a brow at it. “Really! I'm alright.”
“You look like a deer ready to bolt.”
“... oh god it’s that obvious.”
“Yes, it is.” Jade steps over to place a hand on June’s shoulder. She can feel the tension under the skin “what’s on your mind?”
There is a pause before June blurts out, to get the words out before the worry can keep it locked in “it’s gender stuff, i guess. I don’t know, I don't know how of this works.”
Jade blinks a few times before huffing a small laugh “oh geez.”
“I’m sorry,” June is quick to say “we’re supposed to be gardening.”
“You don’t need to be sorry. Besides, I think we needed a break from it anyway. Lemonade?”
“Lemonade sounds nice…”
And so that’s how June ended up sitting on a porch with Jade, glasses of lemonade in their hands.
“I’ll admit i- don’t know how much I am the best person to talk to about this.” Jade says.
“I don’t… really know who else to talk to about it.” June shrugs “I just… I don't know.”
“Fair enough.”
There’s another pause of quiet. June, not knowing where to start. Jade, wanting to give her sister room to start.
Eventually June finds- some words. “Have… you ever thought about it I guess? Growing up.”
“My gender?”
“Yeah…”
Jade hums “I guess… not too much. At least, not for a long time. I guess growing up on an island will do that to someone. I think- a lot of the ‘rules’ about it come from the people you’re around yeah?”
June nods.
“It was just- me and Bec for most of it then. I guess if I had to say what I thought about that sort of thing growing up was- well what I had of my grandpa and my manthro chaps. And the blue lady paintings granddad had. But I never really liked those really.” Jade laughs a bit “to be honest i think part of me considered myself a dog like Bec. he was my best friend, who doesn’t want to be like their best friend.” Jade’s ear twitches, and her tail moves a bit “guess that- ended up happening.”
“Yeah.” June nods.
“What about you?” Jade turns to look at June “you grew up in a suburb. You were- around a lot of people right?”
“I mean, yeah kinda.” June shrugs “mostly around my dad. Just- a two guy household!” she says like a punchline to a stand up bit. The execution leaves much to be desired “i never really… thought about it. Dad always called me son and I just thought “yep sounds about right.” and went with it.”
“What changed then?” Jade asks.
What… did change? “I guess… I wanted to try something new.” June says “i don’t know if that’s- good i just- i don’t know. I guess I wanted to try something different. I didn’t- hate being a guy. It never felt wrong! I never felt like I was- the wrong person. It’s just- i just wanted to try something different and, and i don’t know if that just makes me a fucking poser or what!” June didn’t mean to shout, it just happened.
Jade put a hand on June’s shoulder. It feels, grounding. And that’s probably for the best, since June notices that the wind is acting up with her emotions. “Sorry…” she says.
“You don’t need to be sorry. Sounds like you really needed to get that off your chest.”
“I… yeah, i did.” June sighs. Watching the way her breath dances in the air in the way only she as a breath player really seems to notice most of the time. “I guess I'm… scared? As stupid as that sounds.”
“I don’t think it’s stupid.”
“... thanks.” June gives her sister a small smile “just… I don't want to be a fake, I like a good joke but i- i don’t want this to be a joke.”
“Is it?”
“What.”
“Is it a joke?”
“No!” June huffs “it’s not!
“Then it’s not.”
“But it’s- it’s not that simple!” June pauses for a beat “god this shit used to be so- simple to me.”
“Nothing is simple really.” Jade says “the more you get to know something, the more complex it gets. The more facets you find of it and the more things just- don’t always add up like you thought they would.”
“I hate it.”
“Yeah, i think unless you’re a scientist or something the way things always get weird it’s rarely fun.”
There’s another pause. “What if I get bored of being a woman? What if- it’s not forever.”
“Would that be a bad thing?”
“I mean- i don’t know, just- wouldn’t that mean it wasn’t… really real?”
“I don’t think so.” Jade says “nothing ever really stays the same forever June. The seasons change all the time, the moon has all its phases, water changes from liquid to gas to solid and all the way around again. Change is nature.”
June lets the words sink in a moment. Before asking “is change for its own sake… good?”
“I think it is.” Jade says “but that’s just what i think. What about you?”
Another pause, before “yeah. I think it might be.”