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“JOEL NO!”
Ellie’s eyes shot wide open, her breathing was heavy and rapid. Turning on her side to face Dina, Ellie was faced with an empty bed.
Slowly rising to her feet Ellie turned on the lamp beside her. Looking around the room Ellie’s eyes landed on an open door. Assuming Dina was in JJ’s room, Ellie made her way to his door.
As she opened the door Ellie saw Dina sitting on the floor, leaning on JJ’s crib. She was holding JJ in her arms. Dina’s eyes met with Ellie’s and she spoke in a loving but tired tone.
“Hey you.”
Ellie made her way closer to Dina, opting to sit down next to her. As Ellie leaned her back on the crib Dina continued to speak.
“JJ’s been fussing all night, he’s been so stubborn. I wonder who he gets it from.”
Ellie let out a soft chuckle and smiled.
“You could have woken me Dina, I know you’ve had a tough week”
Dina’s eyes became stern and narrowed. Ellie put her hands up in defeat and scooted closer to Dina.
“Oh potato, why are you being so fussy tonight?”
Ellie gently reached her arms around Dina, holding her close. The three sat there, letting time pass. After what felt like hours JJ finally drifted off to sleep. The two hurried to put him in his crib, doing everything in their power to not wake him up. After making sure JJ was comfortable they rushed to leave his room and shut the door behind them.
Ellie led the way to their shared room, heading for the bed. Though before Ellie could reach her destination, Dina began to speak quietly.
“Ellie, did you have another nightmare.”
Ellie turned around to face Dina, what little composure she had left melted away. Ellie moved to sit on the edge of their bed and let out a sigh. Placing her head in her hands.
“Hey, hey it’s okay Ellie I’m not mad at you.”
Ellie lifted her head and responded.
“Dina, I know you aren’t mad at me, I’m mad at myself. It's been almost a year since… since.”
Ellie’s throat began to form a lump. Doing everything in her power to push it down Ellie continued to speak.
“These dreams, they just won’t go away.”
Dina moved towards Ellie and stood in front of her. Grasping Ellie’s face in her hands Dina stroked her thumbs across Ellie’s cheeks.
“Oh Ellie.” Dina paused and stared into Ellie’s eyes watching as they glistened with tears.
Dina moved her hands to the back of Ellie’s head and pulled her in close. Stroking her hands through Ellie’s hair down to her neck.
Ellie’s arms wrapped around Dina’s waist gripping onto her shirt. Ellie, using everything in her power to stop a tear from falling only pulled Dina in closer.
Dina didn’t say anything else. Continuously stroking Ellie’s hair. Gradually Ellie let go of Dina and motioned for her to get into their bed. Dina made her way into their bed.
As Dina settled in Ellie turned off the lamp beside her. As Ellie fully got under the covers Dina pulled her in closely and whispered into her ear.
“I love you”
Morning
As the sun rose and the birds started to chirp, Ellie sighed. Sleep had never come, and it was now too late to even try.
Untangling herself from Dina’s arms Ellie made her way downstairs. As she walked towards the kitchen, Ellie noticed the calendar Dina had hung up.
Gazing on the upcoming dates Ellie eyes fell upon September 26th. It was Joel’s birthday.
Ellie’s heart began to tighten, that was only a few days away.
With JJ and the farm Ellie had truly lost track of time.
Ellie and Joel had never really celebrated birthdays all that much. It was an unspoken holiday. Usually Ellie would just give Joel a new set of strings for his guitar. It was never a big deal.
As Ellie’s thoughts began to spiral a small cry could be heard coming from upstairs. Not wanting Dina to wake up, Ellie quickly made her way up the stairs, making her way inside JJ’s room.
Ellie began to speak softly, “Little man we don’t want to wake up the entire farm so early, now do we”
Ellie lifted JJ out of his crib and walked back down the stairs. Making sure to change his diaper. After a quick clean up, JJ was all settled into his high chair.
Ellie began to whip up JJ’s breakfast when Ellie felt Dina embrace against her back.
“Good morning sleepy head”
Dina held Ellie closer and watched as she prepared JJ’s food. Once Ellie finished scooping his “mush” into a bowl Dina took it from her hands.
As Dina began to feed JJ, Ellie’s eyes wandered back to the calendar. Her eyes drifting between the calendar and JJ.
Then Ellie began to speak.
“This coming Tuesday is Joel’s birthday.”
Dina stopped moving and slowly turned her head towards Ellie.
“Oh, um”
Ellie didn’t let Dina say much more and began to speak again.
“I want to take JJ.” Ellie paused. “I want JJ to meet Joel.”
Dina, much to JJ’s dismay, set down the bowl and spoon that she was using to feed him.
She let out a huff and looked into Ellie’s eyes. After a moment, a small grin had formed upon her face.
“I think that would be great.”
Tuesday, September 26th 2039
Ellie and Dina woke up at the crack of dawn and hurried to mount their horses.
Dina had been mildly worried about how JJ was going to fair, being strapped to her chest while riding. Though her worries had melted away as he started to giggle as the horse began to gallop.
As the two arrived back in town they exchanged pleasantries with those crazy enough to be awake at such an early hour.
Ellie and Dina made their way to the stalls and boarded their horses. Opting to walk for the rest of their journey.
The three had a full day ahead of them. Starting with a stop at Tommy’s home. Ellie approached the door to knock with Dina and JJ behind her. Though the door abruptly swung open, before Ellie even knocked.
Tommy bumped right into Ellie, stumbling backwards as he regained his bearings.
After collecting himself, Tommy’s eyes met with Ellie’s and a soft sorrow was shared between the two. After a moment of silence Tommy began to speak.
“I thought I’d see you today.” Peeking behind Ellie Tommy smiled and nodded at Dina and waved at JJ. Tommy moved back inside the house and gestured for the three to come in.
“Would you three like to come inside?”
Dina put her hand on the small of Ellie’s back and guided her inside nodding back at Tommy. As the three entered the house Tommy guided them to the kitchen table. As they arrived at their seats Ellie and Dina took off their backpacks and unstrapped JJ from Dina’s chest.
After settling into their chairs Tommy looked at Ellie, he let out a sigh.
“Today…” Tommy’s voice cracked, he leaned his head back against his chair, avoiding Ellie and Dina’s eyes. “Today would’ve been his 57th birthday.”
Dina grasped Ellie’s hand as Tommy stared at the ceiling. Nothing could be heard but JJ’s snores in Dina’s lap.
Minutes passed and nothing was said. The three sat in a sorrowful silence taking in what was mentioned. As minutes passed JJ began to wake. As he began to fuss Dina stood up from her chair.
“I am going to feed JJ.”
Dina squeezed Ellie’s shoulder and walked to the kitchen.
As Ellie watched Dina walk away her eyes finally laid onto Tommy, he was still staring at the ceiling. It had been over thirty minutes since the three had arrived at Tommy’s door step. Time was slipping away. Ellie let out a long exhale and broke the silence.
“I’m taking JJ to see Joel today, I thought it was about time.”
Tommy's eyes fell from the ceiling and gazed upon Ellie, they were glistening with tears.
“I think, I think he’d like that.”
Ellie stood from her chair and cleared her throat.
“Tommy, if you ever need me.”
Tommy nodded his head and stood up from his chair as well.
Ellie gathered her and Dina’s bags, along with JJ’s carrier. Walking into the kitchen, Ellie saw Dina finishing up with JJ. Handing Dina’s bag to her, Ellie took JJ out of her arms. Dina began to fasten JJ’s harness on her chest when Ellie stopped her.
“I can hold him.”
Handing JJ back to Dina, Ellie situated the harness on her chest and allowed Dina to clip JJ in.
The three made their way to the door, silently waving at Tommy as they closed the door behind them.
Ellie began walking away from Tommy’s porch when Dina grabbed her hand. Dina squeezed Ellie’s hand and laced their fingers together. Ellie turned around and smiled softly at Dina.
With the two hand in hand, they began to walk.
As the cemetery grew closer, Ellie’s heart began to beat rapidly and her palms grew clammy. Dina squeezed Ellie’s hand reassuringly.
The three arrived at the small grave site, and made their way to Joel’s burial. There were flowers laid atop his headstone. Ellie’s hand brushed across the flowers. Ellie took her backpack off and Dina followed. Ellie uncliped JJ from her chest and Dina took him into her arms.
Ellie stared at JJ in Dina’s arms and began to speak while grasping his tiny hands in hers.
“JJ, this is my old man, it's his birthday!”
JJ giggled at Ellie, leaning into her touch. Dina obliged and handed JJ back to Ellie. With JJ in her arms Ellie kneeled on the ground bringing JJ close to her chest.
Dina followed and nealed next to Ellie. The two gazed upon Joel’s grave in silence. Minutes passed and nothing was said. Ellie and Dina resituated themselves, opting to fully sit on the ground.
Ellie began to rock JJ in her arms.
“Joel, this.” Ellie couldn’t contain herself and tears began to fall.
“Joel, this is JJ.” Ellie said through tears.
Dina wrapped her arm around Ellie and began to cry as well.
Gradually the two garnered some composure and stood back up. They grabbed their bags, Dina choosing to fasten the harness on to her chest.
Ellie put JJ onto Dina’s chest and fastened the straps around him. Looking back at the grave one last time Ellie took Dina’s hand into hers and led them back to the street.
As the three slowly walked back to the stables, Ellie abruptly stopped and muttered under her breath.
“How could I forget?”
Looking at Dina she spoke.
“I forgot… I forgot to do something.”
Dina squeezed Ellie’s hand and nodded.
Ellie let go of Dina’s hand and jogged back to the grave site.
Making her way back to Joel, Ellie kneeled down and opened her backpack. She ruffled through the bag and pulled out a pack of guitar strings.
Ellie took the guitar strings into her hands and laid them in front of Joel’s head stone. Letting her hand slowly make its way to his engraved name.
“Happy birthday Joel.”