Archive of Our Own

The first time he saw it, Xie Lian thought death had come for him at last. It would've been a far more welcome fate than the one he was already stuck with. Facing each day since the death of his parents wasn't just difficult. It was exhausting. Some said that after an experience as profound as losing the people who raised you, life could never truly be the same. Xie Lian supposed that was true in a way. It was unfortunate. He would've given anything for life to be just as it had always been. The very fact that he was sitting in that room was proof enough. Things were different.

Therapy was supposed to make him better. There was something wrong with his brain. That was what they'd more or less told him; that the trauma he'd experienced from their suicides had caused mental distress that he needed help overcoming. Xie Lian didn't doubt that was true. He couldn't imagine anyone finding their parents hanging from the rafters, still struggling like a fresh catch dangling on a fishing line and walking away from that scene without a care in the world. He still saw it when he closed his eyes. He could still go back to that moment, so vivid, like it was happening all over again, watching himself desperately trying to get them down before it was too late, only to find the life already drained from their eyes by the time he finally had.

Xie Lian knew he was a little broken.

"Did you want to try to describe what it was you saw?"

Xie Lian glanced up and regarded the woman looking back at him, a notebook on her lap with a pen nestled against the pages. There were scribblings of thoughts jotted down, but from his angle, Xie Lian couldn't see exactly what they said. If he were to guess, none of it was good. There had been so many reassurances that whatever he said in that room would remain confidential and even more promises of a judgment-free space. Xie Lian found that difficult to believe. How could they help him if they weren't judging him? Wasn't that inherently part of the job? Ling Wen had been a nice enough woman, but Xie Lian wasn't so naive to believe she really cared beyond the hour designated to him.

To her credit, Ling Wen was good at playing her role. Her body language said she was interested in everything he had to say, and she knew how to gently push without forcing him. Sometimes, she even made him feel like the oversharing was his own decision. Even the room was perfectly set up to lull him into a false sense of security. It was furnished to look comfortable, almost lived in. A space that was made to feel welcoming. So much so that it seemed clinical. It was like a set piece, something fake that he was supposed to walk into and play the role of fucked up victim. It made sense in a way. Ever since that day, it felt like most of his life was just playing roles, acting the way people expected him to, trying to pretend everything was fine. His life had become some twisted Truman Show, and the entertainment came from his suffering.

His gaze returned to his fingers as he fidgeted in his seat. Truthfully, Xie Lian didn't want to say anything. He didn't want what he was sure was nothing to be turned into some new symptom of his trauma, another fissure extending from the impact of that moment. But if he said nothing, she'd write something else down, and Xie Lian knew it would seem so much worse.

"I don't know what it was," Xie Lian shrugged, "It was by the bedroom door, and it was dark, so I couldn't get a good look at it. But there was an eye staring at me. It glowed in the dark. Kinda like a cat's eye. And it was bright red."

Ling Wen, true to her role, listened attentively as he attempted to describe the thing in his room. Finally, she asked, "What did you do when you saw it?"

"Nothing," Xie Lian's voice remained level when he explained, "I knew I should do something, but I couldn't get myself to move. I couldn't get myself to speak. So I just watched it as it watched me."

"What you're describing sounds like sleep paralysis," True to form, Ling Wen began writing even as she clarified, "It's very common, especially for someone who has experienced something as traumatic as you have. But it can be frightening. What's important is for you to remember that the person or creature you saw in your room wasn't real. It's just your mind playing tricks on you."

Xie Lian frowned. He'd heard of sleep paralysis, of course, but it wasn't something he'd ever experienced before. And though she reassured him that whatever he saw wasn't there, he couldn't shake the feeling it gave him. He could've sworn it was real. However, he supposed a lot of people had the same feeling in those moments. It wouldn't do to insist that what he'd seen wasn't just a figment of his imagination. To take the time to explain that he felt its presence would only cause more unnecessary concern.

"I wasn't scared," Xie Lian finally said, knowing that what he would say would likely go over poorly but aware that pretending everything was fine never worked, "I wasn't… happy to see it, either. I just felt… numb. I think maybe I thought that if it was going to hurt me, then maybe I'd be able to see my parents' faces again and it not be… that moment. Maybe they'd be smiling instead."

The silence in the room was stifling. Usually, Ling Wen ensured that it didn't last more than a moment. Even the scratching of pen against paper would've been a welcome distraction. Daring to look at her again, Xie Lian instantly knew he'd said the wrong thing. She looked right at him, eyebrows furrowed in obvious concern, and lips pursed. For a moment, the feigned care that came with her role seemed to become genuine. It would've been fine, but Xie Lian couldn't stand the pity.

"Have you considered trying the medication again?" Ling Wen looked skeptical even as she said, "It could be a short-term addition to our sessions, and it might improve your sleep."

Xie Lian shook his head, "No. No medication. It doesn't help."

The initial diagnosis of post-traumatic stress came with the prescription of pills that were supposed to reduce his anxiety and help with the negative thoughts. At the time, Xie Lian had welcomed anything that might take it away. Whatever it took to stop seeing it. But the pills hadn't actually helped. He was still haunted by it. He was still afraid to sleep, knowing he'd relive it. The only thing the pills had done was make him feel wrong. Like he was outside his body but still in control of it, sluggish, strange, and numb. He'd stopped taking them because he didn't like that they made him feel even less in control than before. The numbness never fully went away, though. Or maybe he'd just gotten to that point all on his own.

"That's your decision," She said, a statement so loaded with judgement it bordered on comical, "But I'd like you to tell me if you experience any more sleep paralysis, okay?"

"Okay," Xie Lian replied, unsure why she cared so much about something she said was so common.

The rest of the session went like every other. Ling Wen asked the same questions, trying to find improvements and look for areas that needed focus. Nothing had changed. Xie Lian's answers were always the same. He followed along with the exercises she tried, pretending to believe it might make a difference. Because that was what she wanted. He'd heard therapy worked best when the patient wanted the help and believed it would work. Maybe that was his problem. In the beginning, he had wanted it. But as time went by, he'd become so skeptical that he'd found himself just saying what he thought Ling Wen wanted to hear with a morbid acceptance that their deaths would never truly stop haunting him.

Much of his life had become like that, though he wasn't entirely sure how well it was working. Xie Lian was just trying to make things feel normal again. That was why he hadn't taken any time off work. That was why he kept talking to his friends like nothing had ever happened and trying to ignore the looks of concern that they would shoot his way if his facade had gone a step too far into cheerful normalcy. If it was too much, they thought he was crazy. If it wasn't enough, he was met with pity. He was still learning how to balance it. The perfect formula seemed to be different for everyone.

Dropping his keys onto the table as he stepped into his apartment, Xie Lian sighed like he could finally breathe for the first time that day. As much as he didn't want to lock himself away, as much as he tried to pretend things were normal, Xie Lian felt like he could finally be himself when he was alone in his apartment. Trailing through his empty apartment, Xie Lian stared at the kitchen for a long moment. He wasn't hungry. He didn't want to eat. But if he stopped eating, people would soon notice. They'd grow more concerned. They'd ask questions and make him feel like he was going insane. For that reason alone, Xie Lian forced himself to prepare a cup of instant noodles.

Forcing down the food, Xie Lian almost hated that it actually made him feel a little better.

He then moved to the bathroom, the same thoughts filling his mind. He was too tired to shower. He just wanted to go to bed. But if he didn't do this simple thing, people would notice and think he was spiraling. There was no choice. He'd have to shower. As he took the time to do just that, Xie Lian definitely hated that the warm water seemed to make him feel even better than the food.

As he brushed his teeth that night, Xie Lian's thoughts returned to the thing in his bedroom. He'd only seen it as he was falling asleep. Just for a moment. It was tall. Even taller than his bedroom door, taller than any human. And that eye… it had been so bright. He knew that it was watching him. Ling Wen had said it was his mind playing tricks on him. The sad thing was that despite how sure he felt that the creature was real, Xie Lian had been learning not to trust his mind. Maybe she was right. Maybe it wasn't real.

But what if it was?

With his toothbrush sticking from his mouth, Xie Lian peeked out from the bathroom door and stared at the spot where the creature had been standing. It was shrouded in darkness, just as it had been the night he saw it. He couldn't see that blazing eye, but it could've still been there. Maybe it was just closed. Bravely, or perhaps foolishly, Xie Lian stepped out of the bathroom and moved toward the darkness. Every step was tentative. Admittedly, Xie Lian didn't know what he'd find. He didn't know what he wanted to find, either. Something that would provide a quick death? Perhaps. Mostly, he just wanted proof.

Closer and closer. Xie Lian reached blindly into the darkness with a strange kind of morbid hope that he would feel something touch his skin as he did. All he felt was air. Sighing sadly, Xie Lian reluctantly went back to finish brushing his teeth. He wasn't sure why he was so disappointed. If it was sleep paralysis like she said, he should've known it wasn't real.

Later that night, Xie Lian was lying in bed, feeling fear and exhaustion in equal measure. Bedtime had quickly become Xie Lian's least favourite part of the day. Sleeping meant reliving that moment. Maybe it wouldn't have been so bad, but it felt so vivid. It was like his parents were dying all over again every time he went to sleep. And no matter how many ways he tried to save them, the result was always the same. Part of him wanted to find a solution. Maybe if he could figure out how to save them in his dream, he'd get some kind of closure. Maybe he'd finally be able to move on. Then again, saving them in his dream would only prove to himself that he could've done more, that if he'd just known how to act in the moment, they might still be alive.

He'd been staring at the ceiling for so long, talking himself through the different methods he'd already tried. He could visualise the room, searching it for something he hadn't used yet, something that would cut them down fast without further damage. While the dreams tormented him, and he dreaded sleeping, Xie Lian tried his best to turn them into puzzles. He'd told himself that his prize for solving it would be never returning to that terrible place.

Looking towards the bedroom door, Xie Lian froze. The tall creature wasn't there. The space it had once filled was just as empty as it had been earlier that evening. But that bright red eye was back, watching him in the darkness. Where once it had stood by the door, the creature had moved closer. The height was no longer on display. Instead, Xie Lian could only vaguely make out the top half of its head in the darkness, peeking at him over the end of the bed. Though it must've been crouched right down to the floor, the creature's size couldn't be questioned. Not when a large hand with long, thin fingers and claws like a tiger was settled on the end of the bed mere inches from his feet.

Xie Lian's heart began to race. It wasn't fear. Not exactly. More than anything, he was excited to see it again. He didn't know much about sleep paralysis; was it common to see the same thing each time? If it wasn't, maybe that was more proof of the thing being real. If only he could see it up close, he might get a better idea of exactly what it looked like. Or perhaps if it moved. But the creature remained motionless, that bright eye watching him like it was afraid he might disappear if it looked away. Xie Lian felt just the same. He wanted to watch it, ensure it stayed until morning when he could see it in the sunlight and take in every detail. He knew he should move, maybe pull his feet up, on the off chance that this thing was hostile, but Xie Lian found himself unable to move. Sleep paralysis. Just like Ling Wen said. But that didn't mean it wasn't real.

As his eyes began to droop, a voice whispered in Xie Lian's head, "It's okay. You can sleep. I'll keep you safe."

The dream began just as it always did, with Xie Lian standing across the street from his childhood home, a feeling of dread tying his stomach in knots. Always vivid in a way that made them feel real, yet Xie Lian was aware he was only dreaming. It was the guilt that always pushed him to go in and try to save them, no matter how many times he was forced to witness their deaths as he failed. The plan that night was simple enough. He just had to grab the sharp knife he'd convinced himself was in a drawer in the foyer. It would still take time, of course, but if Xie Lian could hold up his mother while he cut down his father, maybe he'd have enough time to--

Xie Lian's train of thought was derailed as something collided with his body, resulting in books scattered all around him.

"My apologies!" A deeply soothing voice, the same one Xie Lian heard as he was drifting to sleep said. He sounded a little flustered as he explained himself, "I was carrying too much, and I didn't see you there."

Xie Lian regarded the man, who seemed far more focused on ensuring he was okay than he was on the books he'd dropped. Hair dark as a starless night draped over his shoulder in a long braid. An eyepatch covered one eye, long bangs obscuring it from view. The other was a brilliant shade of red. Just like the creature watching him sleep, Xie Lian noted. He looked concerned, and though that was an expression he'd grown weary of, this man made it feel… important.

Perhaps a remnant of who he once was remained, urging him to help the man collect his books, "No, it's my fault. I wasn't paying attention."

As he picked up a book, Xie Lian noted it was a favourite from his childhood and was overwhelmed by nostalgia. As he continued, he noticed that each and every book he plucked from the ground was one he vividly remembered, one he had always been so fond of. It was odd. Why did the stranger have all of his favourite books?

"You have a lovely smile," The man said.

Looking up, Xie Lian saw the man kneeling close, holding a small stack of books. He observed Xie Lian with a kind smile that revealed a hint of fangs. Strange, but Xie Lian thought they were kind of cute. What was far stranger was that Xie Lian had smiled. That hadn't happened since that terrible day, yet the man had accomplished it so easily.

"These are all my favourites," Xie Lian explained.

"Really?" He tilted his head to the side, looking at Xie Lian with far more fondness than he deserved, "Perhaps this is a strange question, but if you could spare the time, I'd love for you to read me something? You could tell me why they're so close to your heart."

Xie Lian's stomach sank. If he could spare the time. Time. Time was ticking by, and he hadn't gone to save his parents. What was he doing? Quickly, he got to his feet and dumped the books into the stranger's arms, "I'm sorry, I have to go."

He was about to cross the street when he felt a hand around his wrist, "Wait. Just read me one. Please."

Xie Lian pulled out of his hold, "There's something I really have to do. Later, okay?"

As he rushed across the street, he heard the man calling behind him, "Don't go in there, gege!"

It didn't matter. It couldn't matter. Xie Lian had never managed to save them before, but maybe the timer hadn't started yet. Maybe it only began when he went into the house. Maybe he could still save them this time. Clinging to those thoughts, Xie Lian rushed through the front door, grabbed the sharp knife, and raced down the hallway. A suffocating feeling of trepidation built the further into the house he went. It was like a tonne of bricks were stacked on his chest, making it hard to breathe. He'd grown used to that feeling.

Xie Lian kicked the door open so hard it slammed against the wall, pressing forward, but his steps faltered. They weren't moving. They always moved. They always struggled as he tried desperately to get them down. That was the most vivid part, the thing he could never forget. But as he looked up at his parents hanging from the beam, they were motionless, eyes devoid of life.

He was too late.

✦✦✦

"I did see it again," Xie Lian admitted at his next therapy session.

He had done a little research into sleep paralysis. He knew that if he told Ling Wen it was happening almost every night, she'd recommend he go to a doctor, something he had no desire to do. It hadn't made anything worse. There was no reason to waste time and likely get put on more meds that would make him feel like he was someone else.

He could've opted to say nothing at all, but he was curious to hear her opinion. In the back of his mind, he still heard her telling him it wasn't real. Xie Lian went back and forth on whether that was true. During the day, trying to use logic, he was all but convinced that she was right, that it was just something his mind was doing to him because of everything he'd been through. But when he was in the moment, experiencing it, Xie Lian was certain it was real. The only way he could know for sure was to get physical proof. He just wasn't sure how to accomplish that.

"What happened?" Ling Wen asked and leaned a little closer in her seat.

It took Xie Lian a moment to decide what he should say. He wanted to tell her the truth, but not the whole truth. Just enough to hear her thoughts without making her concerned.

Staring down at his fidgeting fingers, he said, "Nothing, really. It just got closer. It stands right by my bed now. At my side."

In reality, the movement had been gradual. It had taken several days for the creature to get so close. Over time, it had closed the distance between them, though Xie Lian noted that at no point had it actually touched him. He wasn't sure why. Maybe it didn't touch him because it wasn't real. Maybe it didn't want to frighten him. That was what Xie Lian had grown to believe. It was some kind of gentle giant.

"Does it move at all?" Ling Wen asked curiously.

"Yes and no," Xie Lian pursed his lips, "I never see it moving. But sometimes, if I close my eyes for a second, it might be in a different place when I open them again. It never goes away, though."

"Sounds frightening," Ling Wen said, "But just try to stay calm when it happens. Deep breaths and whatever small movements you can manage can make the episodes go away. Hopefully, with time, it'll stop altogether."

"What if… I didn't want it to stop?" Xie Lian asked hesitantly. He was treading dangerous waters, but it was exactly the reason he was looking for her opinion, "The same time as I started seeing the creature, a man I've never seen before started showing up in my dreams. I think they're the same. And I think he's trying to protect me. He tries to distract me. He tries to stop me from going into the house. I hear the same voice when I watch the creature by my bed. And it's never malicious. He tells me everything will be okay. He takes care of me."

Xie Lian had even been convinced one night that the creature in his bedroom had been tucking the blanket around him more securely, ensuring he wouldn't get cold. They were supposed to be called sleep paralysis demons, but Xie Lian never called his that. It wasn't a demon. It was closer to an angel. Looking up at Ling Wen, Xie Lian realised that, once again, he'd said too much. Her expression was a mix of concern and skepticism, neither of which was what he wanted.

"You think I'm crazy," Xie Lian said, knowing it would compel her to tell him he wasn't.

"No, I don't. I never said that," Ling Wen reassured.

"You didn't have to; the look on your face said it," Xie Lian went back to staring at his hands.

"I think… maybe your mind has created this man as a coping mechanism. Maybe the creature, as well," She explained, "You don't want to see your parents dying. Those nightmares are terrible. So, maybe your mind created this man because you're trying to protect yourself. You're trying to stop yourself from reliving it."

"Is that… bad?" Xie Lian asked.

"Yes and no. It's good that your mind has started to find ways to keep you safe. But this kind of coping mechanism is essentially trying to put a wall up and stop you from acknowledging what happened. But, you need to grieve in order to move on," Ling Wen's brow furrowed, "We can work on some healthier coping mechanisms."

Xie Lian understood what she was saying. He understood why someone in her position would say it. All of the explanations she was giving made sense. However, Xie Lian didn't want to be protected from those things. It was true that reliving their deaths was agony, that it was tearing him apart. But he was the one who had failed them. He was the one who panicked and couldn't get them down in time. For all the mistakes he'd made, they suffered. So, it only made sense that he did, as well. He had to make it right. He had to find a way to save them. Being protected from it wouldn't make it better. Until he figured out how to stop their deaths, Xie Lian deserved that pain.

So, it didn't make sense that the creature was something he'd created. Not when it was actively working against Xie Lian's desires. If the man in his dreams ran into that house and helped him save them, perhaps. But he didn't. He tried to keep Xie Lian away.

"I'm not saying it is, but… what if the man in my dream and the creature in my room were real?" Xie Lian asked. More than anything, he just wanted to know if there was anything he should do. Or if it was even possible.

Ling Wen's expression softened, "Xie Lian. I know you've been through so much. But monsters aren't real."

Xie Lian nodded, dropping the subject. To push any further would only be an exercise in futility. He did agree with her, though. There was no such thing as monsters. And whatever was coming to him as he drifted to sleep was no monster.

That evening was like any other. Xie Lian forced himself to eat, shower, and try to watch something mind-numbing to pass the time. But throughout it all, his mind was racing. Ling Wen was adamant that the things he saw weren't real. He'd even tried mentioning it to his friends in passing, hoping that maybe a less clinical mind would be more understanding. They all said the same things; that sleep paralysis sucked, and they wouldn't wish it on anyone. When he told them that his creature was nice, they only looked at him like he'd finally lost his mind and tried to change the subject.

It wasn't just that Xie Lian didn't want to think he was completely delusional. He wanted to believe the creature was real because it was the first thing in his life to show him no pity. It cared in a way that was unique to everyone else, a way that did actually feel like care. It never asked how he was feeling or treated him like he was broken. It just reassured him.

When Xie Lian went to bed that night, he did so with hope in his heart that he'd see it again. And just as always, it remained the only one in his life not to let him down.

That night, it was closer than it had ever been before. It stood just beside his pillow, back arched like a cat raising its hackles as it leaned down to closely watch Xie Lian with its single crimson eye. As Xie Lian looked back into the creature's gaze, he was vaguely aware of a massive clawed hand nestled among the bedsheets at his side. He ached to move. To shift just enough to brush against it and know it was real.

"You won't be able to move while I'm here. I'm sorry," The familiar voice spoke in his mind, and Xie Lian realised it must've been able to hear what he was thinking.

"What's your name?" Xie Lian thought, hoping to converse with it and learn everything about it.

"I don't have one."

"Everyone has a name," Xie Lian insisted.

"I've never needed a name before. There's never been anyone to talk to or remember me," The creature explained.

"There is now," Xie Lian assured, feeling a sense of loneliness from the creature that resonated with his own.

"Then perhaps gege should give me a name."

Xie Lian was caught off guard. He'd never had to name anyone before, least of all the creature he'd grown to be so fond of. It felt like such an important task. It had to have a name that was just right. Trying to get a better glimpse of it to determine a suitable name, Xie Lian struggled to take in any real details, even from so close. It was too dark, and the creature seemed to be a colour that blended into the shadows.

"Hua Cheng," Xie Lian thought, the name seeming to come from nowhere, "That's your name."

"I like it," The creature responded, "But friends have nicknames, too. So, you should call me something special."

Something special. Xie Lian didn't know why, but that thought made him happy. Hua Cheng thought of their relationship as special. He supposed that there really wasn't a relationship more special than theirs. It was a truly unique situation, but Xie Lian found it far more enriching than any other relationship in his life.

"Then, what about… San Lang?" Xie Lian thought. Imagining the man in his dreams, Xie Lian thought he looked like a San Lang, "Are you the one in my nightmare?"

"I only wish to help," Hua Cheng explained, his voice sounding almost apologetic. Xie Lian felt the bedsheets shift as the claws gripped at them, "That memory hurts you. You shouldn't go back there anymore."

"I have to help them," Xie Lian tried to explain, though even he had trouble truly grasping why it was so important to him.

"I won't allow it," Hua Cheng insisted, a force behind his voice that Xie Lian had never heard before, "I apologise if my next attempt to prevent it brings you further pain."

Before Xie Lian could respond, he felt sleep take him.

Though his dream began the same as it always had, Xie Lian had grown used to Hua Cheng's appearance in it. This time, he wasn't there. Xie Lian wasn't sure if he was disappointed or not. In a strange way, he'd grown attached to Hua Cheng's interference. It was another step he had to get through, a way of telling himself his resolve could not be stopped, that he wouldn't let anything get in the way of saving them. But he wasn't there. Xie Lian was alone. He could only rush towards the house and follow his newest plan.

Only when he reached the front door, did Xie Lian realise that Hua Cheng was in this dream, too. He was waiting for him, leaning against it with his arms crossed and a determined look in his eye. A part of Xie Lian was thrilled to see him, but not like this. Not there. In every other dream, he'd just had to tear himself away from Hua Cheng to get to his parents. This time, he was actively blocking Xie Lian's only path forward.

"San Lang, please," Xie Lian tried, though a part of him knew it wouldn't work.

"No," Hua Cheng sternly said, "You're staying here. With me."

"I can't," Xie Lian reached for the doorknob, only for Hua Cheng to trap his wrist in a tight grip, keeping his hand just out of reach. Biting down on his lip, Xie Lian tried to push, but Hua Cheng was too strong, "You're not helping."

"Neither are you," Hua Cheng's lip quivered despite the commanding tone in his voice. Like he feared what he was saying and what it might do.

For Xie Lian, it felt like a slap to the face. All he'd ever wanted was to help them. All he'd ever wanted was to figure out how to get a better ending. They deserved more. They were good people, and good people weren't supposed to suffer the way they had. Just because Xie Lian had failed them so far didn't mean he couldn't figure out how to do it right.

"You can't save them. They're already dead. No matter what you do, they aren't coming back. Even if you found a way, they're gone," Hua Cheng loosened his grip on Xie Lian's wrist, but he was too stunned to move, the words like lead weighing him down.

The only thing that had kept Xie Lian going for so long was the possibility of figuring out how to save them. If there was some way, he just wanted to know that he could. He wanted to know what he should've done differently. Whatever it took for them to still be there. People had always trodden so carefully around it with him. They'd always tried to comfort him in ways that felt forced and fake. No one had confronted him as pointedly as Hua Cheng was.

"But if I just--" Xie Lian's voice cracked, and he swallowed the lump in his throat as tears threatened to shed.

"They don't want this. You're not just forcing yourself to relive it. You're doing it to them, too. You have to stop, gege. Please," Hua Cheng began to sound desperate, "They're gone. You have to let them go."

It was a truth Xie Lian had been trying to hide from. Though he knew in his heart that his parents were dead, seeing them in his dreams gave him a twisted kind of hope. Even if he saw them at the most painful moment, at least he got to see them. But Hua Cheng was right. Finding a way to save them only meant finding a new way to torture himself. More guilt he'd never be able to shake. Because even if he saved them in his dream, it was too late to save them when it mattered.

As his legs buckled beneath him, the weight of so many emotions becoming too much to bear, Xie Lian never hit the ground. Hua Cheng pulled him into his arms and slowly lowered them until Xie Lian was settled in his lap, barely breathing as he sobbed into Hua Cheng's comforting embrace. He hadn't allowed himself to do this before, to truly feel it. To grieve. To mourn and accept. As he clutched desperately at Hua Cheng's shirt, a soothing hand brushed up and down his back, and a gentle voice whispered reassurance in his ear.

"It's okay. Let it out. It's not your fault; it was never your fault," Hua Cheng cradled his head, and Xie Lian never knew how many tears he'd built up. His lungs felt like they were burning from the heavy gasps between anguished cries, "They would want you to be happy."

"I d-don't… I don't w-want to be alone…" Xie Lian admitted, barely managing to get the words out between his uneven breaths.

He'd never admitted to himself that loneliness was part of the reason he'd been holding onto them, refusing to let go. Because they were all he'd ever had. All his friends didn't really see him or understand him. After Xie Lian's parents died, they were more distant than ever. And maybe that was his own fault, but being near them only ever reminded him he was broken. Without his parents, Xie Lian had nothing.

"You don't have to be. You have me, gege. You'll always have me," Hua Cheng said with such conviction, "So, you can let them go. I'll never leave you alone."

Plenty of people had said they would be there for him and assured him that he wasn't alone. But it didn't feel that way. Sometimes, it was when he was surrounded that he felt most isolated. But Hua Cheng… Hua Cheng had quickly become a symbol of hope. He never questioned why Xie Lian thought the way he did and never treated him differently. Hua Cheng had always shown he cared and had always known what Xie Lian needed. But could he trust Hua Cheng not to leave? Could he let go of his parents and put his faith in the creature that was supposedly terrorising him?

"Promise me," Xie Lian pleaded, "Promise… promise you'll stay."

Xie Lian felt Hua Cheng's pinky finger link with his own as he whispered in his ear, "No matter what happens, I'll never leave you. Here is the only place I want to be. I promise."

Burying his face against Hua Cheng's neck, a whole new wave of sobs wracked Xie Lian's body. He tried to tell himself they were gone. He tried to tell himself it was time to let go. It would be okay. He could keep living without them. He still had Hua Cheng. It was time to accept that he couldn't bring them back, no matter how many times he tried. The pain was like nothing he'd ever felt before, so excruciating as he finally opened up and began to let himself accept his new reality.

As he glanced up from Hua Cheng's shoulder, Xie Lian could see the building that was once his childhood home beginning to dissolve into thousands of shimmering silver butterflies. The sight was equally beautiful as it was heartbreaking. Watching that place slowly disappear, Xie Lian knew he would never see his parents again. But he also knew they were finally free.

When Xie Lian woke the next morning, two very unusual things happened. First, he awoke to tears staining his cheeks and an intense exhaustion, as though all the grief he'd released in his dream, he'd also unleashed in the waking world. The other was Hua Cheng hovering over him, so close. It was almost maddening that it wasn't the creature he'd grown accustomed to seeing in his bedroom. Instead, the man in his dream was smiling at him, unmoving like a projection. There was a smokey mist around him, as though he was trying to obscure his true self from Xie Lian's view.

At first, they continued watching each other as they always did. Xie Lian didn't mind it so much. In a way, it was Hua Cheng proving he would keep his promise. He was going to stay. No matter what happened, Hua Cheng would be there. Xie Lian's breath caught when Hua Cheng moved closer. He'd never actually seen the way Hua Cheng moved before. The false image still obscured the movement, but Xie Lian could make out how unusual it was. Hua Cheng jittered, moving like a worn VHS tape, almost jumping from one stationary spot to the next, shifting back momentarily before moving a little further forward. Xie Lian could understand why such a movement might unnerve most. It was a motion that felt jarring, but Xie Lian was mostly caught up in the anticipation of what Hua Cheng would do. He'd never been so close.

As Hua Cheng pressed a kiss against his forehead, Xie Lian's eyes fluttered closed, and an intense feeling of safety washed over him.

Everything about it felt a little off. Despite the soft look of Hua Cheng's lips in his human form, the touch to his forehead was something harder and colder than Xie Lian would've expected. It was also bigger. So much bigger. Everything about it. Even Hua Cheng's hand rested against his shoulder as he leaned in. Though the fingers curled over his shoulder alone, Xie Lian could feel the long fingers splayed against his arm, the claws nestled against his skin just enough to notice without causing damage. Despite the obscured appearance, it was the creature offering Xie Lian such a sweet, gentle gesture.

That familiar voice whispered in his head, "Don't forget my promise."

Upon opening his eyes, the heartwrenching reality that Hua Cheng had disappeared had him shaken. But with those words still at the forefront of his mind, Xie Lian had to remind himself that Hua Cheng would be there again that evening.

✦✦✦

Things didn't get better right away. It would be foolish to believe they would. Accepting that his parents were dead was just another step he'd needed but selfishly refused to take. Since he had, Xie Lian had been slowly processing everything. Hua Cheng had been true to his word, showing up every single night for weeks.

At first, they would sit in the front yard where the house once was and just talk. Xie Lian found it comforting to have someone to talk to. He could talk to Ling Wen, of course, but that felt different. Hua Cheng offered him kind smiles no matter what he said, even during the harder-to-talk-about moments. It was an encouraging kind of smile that made Xie Lian feel like he was doing the right thing. Like he was helping himself and making Hua Cheng proud at the same time.

For a while, Xie Lian had still cried when he let himself open up about it. There was still so much guilt. He wasn't sure that would ever really go away. Being honest about his feelings meant admitting he blamed himself for what had happened. Logically, he knew it was a decision that they'd made, one that he couldn't comprehend. But he hadn't saved them. That was something he'd have to live with for the rest of his life.

Hua Cheng had reinforced time and time again that it wasn't his fault, that there was nothing more he could've done. Though Xie Lian couldn't quite believe it, he clung to those words and allowed them to grant him some kind of solace. Hua Cheng always held him when he cried, murmuring reassurances. He allowed Xie Lian to get his feelings off his chest without letting him drown in them. There was never a night Hua Cheng didn't find ways to change the subject. Xie Lian had been given time to grieve while also being shown the joys life had to offer, even if it was all part of a dream.

It helped. It helped more than anything else had. Every night with Hua Cheng made Xie Lian feel less and less broken. And after being shown more compassion than he could've ever thought possible, Xie Lian felt drawn to Hua Cheng in new ways. His heart would race with excitement whenever he saw him. His smile was uncontrollable. Xie Lian found himself wanting to be closer, share the space, hold his hand, or at least touch him in some way. Possibly the most surprising of all was this unshakeable desire to kiss him. It didn't matter which form. Maybe both. He'd be just as happy either way.

Over the weeks, Xie Lian kept going to therapy and allowed Ling Wen to believe their exercises were helping and not the man haunting his dreams. He still mentioned the creature he saw before he fell asleep, but only when she brought it up, and he never said much. In a way, he felt like Hua Cheng had become his own little secret, something good that he wanted for himself. He was afraid the world would ruin it for him in some way. And if he really thought about it, Ling Wen's theories had.

There was a fear that Xie Lian couldn't seem to shake. What if she was right? What if Hua Cheng wasn't real? What if, after all that they'd been through, it had all been in his mind? Ultimately, he'd grown to stop caring about whether or not he was sane. What mattered was his own happiness and whatever brought him that happiness. The true fear was that if Ling Wen was correct and Hua Cheng was a coping mechanism his mind had created, then there was the possibility that as his mind mended itself, Hua Cheng may disappear. If that was true, Xie Lian knew he had to make the most of their time together. He had to cling to any moment they might share while they could.

With that thought at the forefront of his mind, Xie Lian found himself slipping under his bedsheets shortly after lunch. He had nothing else to do that day, and the thought of wasting time until that evening was bordering on depressing. Xie Lian just wanted to see him again. That was the only reason.

As he lay there with his eyes closed, Xie Lian began feeling childish. Everyone took naps in the middle of the day from time to time, but his reasoning was a little selfish. What if Hua Cheng was busy during the day? What if he was sleeping? Did he sleep? But as Xie Lian's mind raced with questions, he felt the bed dip with a sudden addition of weight. Opening his eyes, he saw Hua Cheng hovering over him, the same dreamy illusion hiding his actual appearance.

It almost frustrated him, but the position was more intimate than usual. Xie Lian rather liked the feeling of Hua Cheng over him, crowding him. Though the illusion had the creature behind the handsome mask completely obscured, the feeling of a large, strong palm rested on his stomach, nails pleasantly digging into his sides with Hua Cheng's gentle grip had Xie Lian's muscles quivering under the gentle pressure. The hand was so large it could almost wrap around Xie Lian's waist, and he couldn't say for sure why, but that thought made him feel so many things. He wanted to move if only to shift up and encourage Hua Cheng to press the heel of his palm down, to give him the pressure he craved after such a tantalising realisation.

Why did Hua Cheng's monstrous size turn him on so much?

"What are these thoughts, gege? Are you teasing me?" Hua Cheng asked, the deep, sultry tone of his voice doing nothing to calm Xie Lian's racing mind, "Why are you sleeping in the middle of the day?"

"I wanted to see you," Xie Lian admitted. He tried to focus on clear, appropriate thoughts despite the sheer arousal he felt as Hua Cheng's hand applied just a little more pressure, effectively pinning him to the bed.

"Mm, did you miss me?" Hua Cheng's movements were smoother but far slower as he leaned in, and Xie Lian felt warm breath against his cheek, "I always miss you."

Trying to control himself, Xie Lian focused enough to think, "I want to spend my day with you."

"Then, you will," Hua Cheng assured.

The switch from reality to dream was almost jarring. The room around him remained identical. The only difference was that he was no longer beneath the sheets but sitting in the middle of the bed. Hua Cheng's usual dream form was at his side, focusing all his attention on ensuring his clothes and hair were sitting just right. Xie Lian watched with a fond smile. He wasn't sure why Hua Cheng felt the need to look his best. He'd already completely won Xie Lian's heart.

"Good afternoon," Hua Cheng finally said, shifting a little closer, "This is a pleasant surprise."

"I'm sorry if you were busy," Xie Lian looked down at his hands in his lap as he fidgeted, feeling a different kind of nervousness from the way he felt during his therapy sessions.

"Don't be sorry. Any moment I get to spend with you is a moment I treasure," Hua Cheng said, voice filled with that same candour Xie Lian had always implicitly trusted, "I can tell something is bothering you. It's okay if you don't want to talk about it. But just know I'm here."

Xie Lian thought about it for a long moment. There was undeniably something bothering him. And that something felt almost trivial compared to what was happening in his life. Learning to accept his parents being gone and learning to move on were the things that mattered. But Xie Lian couldn't stop thinking about the possibility of losing Hua Cheng one day.

"My therapist says you're not real. You're just something I made up to protect myself," Xie Lian said, afraid to look at him.

"Maybe she's right," Hua Cheng said, shocking Xie Lian. He'd been so prepared for the reassurance. He hadn't expected Hua Cheng to humour the thought. Hua Cheng continued before he could say anything, "I can't be certain of my reality any more than a human can. But if this feels real… isn't that what matters? Don't we owe it to ourselves to live like it is?"

Xie Lian looked up at Hua Cheng and felt butterflies in his stomach. So much time had been spent questioning what he should do if it was all in his mind. He hadn't stopped to properly consider what he should do if it wasn't. Hua Cheng was right, of course. No one could ever truly know if their reality was as they perceived it to be. So maybe it's better to live as if it were and allow himself to enjoy happiness in whatever form it takes.

"I know this may not reassure you, and I've tried to shelter you from it, but perhaps I should share with you what I believe?" Hua Cheng offered.

"Please," Xie Lian responded, shifting a little closer as he gave Hua Cheng his full attention.

"I don't remember anything before you. It's like I was sleeping. When you're awake, it feels like I'm sleeping, too, but it's not quite the same. I can hear you whenever you think of me or speak about me, which makes me happy. It makes me feel less alone,"

Hua Cheng stared at the blankets as he explained his theories on his own existence, "I believe that there was a time not long ago that I didn't exist. I believe that your pain gave me life. I believe that I was meant to be a source of further pain for you. But the moment I saw you, I couldn't bear to do that. I only wanted you to be happy."

"What does that mean?" Xie Lian asked a little breathlessly.

"My theory is that monsters are created from the trauma of humans. Their minds are so fragile that having a physical manifestation of their pain helps them work through it. Or maybe they're just torturing themselves further," Hua Cheng pursed his lips, "And I think you did that, but I'm more than a thought or a hallucination. I think maybe other humans stop believing in their monsters over time, and eventually, they fizzle out. But you believe in me. You make me real."

"I'll always believe in you," Xie Lian promised, letting his pinky link with Hua Cheng's where their hands rested on the bed between them, "I don't ever want to lose you."

Hua Cheng smiled as he looked down at their hands, "You don't have to worry. I won't allow anything to come between us."

With Hua Cheng's words echoing in his mind, Xie Lian felt compelled to do as he said: live like this was real. And if it was real, there was only one thing he really wanted to do. Leaning closer, Xie Lian let his lips brush tenderly against Hua Cheng's. He didn't pull away, but he didn't move either. For a moment, Xie Lian questioned if perhaps he'd misinterpreted all these feelings. Maybe it was all one-sided. Maybe Hua Cheng had only ever seen them as friends. But the very thought that they were so tethered to each other only made Xie Lian's feelings stronger.

"Gege… This isn't what I really look like," Hua Cheng murmured even as he nuzzled his nose against the crook of Xie Lian's, sending butterflies soaring in his chest.

"I know," Xie Lian assured, "I don't care."

"You're unsure I exist, but you still have these feelings?" Hua Cheng sounded, more than anything, concerned that this might somehow hurt Xie Lian further.

"You make me happy," Xie Lian replied, "You're real to me, and that's enough."

With that simple confession, it was as though all barriers between them were shattered. Hua Cheng threaded their fingers together even as he kissed Xie Lian with an intensity that spoke of his repressed desires. It felt so natural to give himself over to Hua Cheng as if a part had always belonged to him. It didn't matter that beyond the dream, he was something else. Xie Lian was quite sure he wanted Hua Cheng in every form. But at least in that place, he could show it. He could press himself closer as they lost themselves in the intimacy of every delicate kiss they shared, neither wishing to part for even a moment.

It was all impulse. Every movement. Xie Lian couldn't say how he ended up in Hua Cheng's lap, so engrossed in the taste of his lips, much softer and warmer than the ones he'd felt in reality. The feel of Hua Cheng's fingers dragging under his shirt and along his back and the familiar bite of sharp nails so similar but not nearly as big as the creature in his room all sent Xie Lian spiraling. His body moved of its own accord as he ground their hips together, their shared arousal impossible to deny.

"Gege…" Hua Cheng whispered through shaky breaths.

"Do you want to stop?" Xie Lian murmured, almost afraid of the answer.

Looking into his eye, Xie Lian could see so many emotions; awe, uncertainty, love. So much love. He knew then that any possibility of rejection would only come from an insecurity Xie Lian would always work to overcome. Hua Cheng seemed to understand just as well. They needed each other. They mended each other's wounds. They made each other whole. Hua Cheng caressed his cheek even as he took the time to admire every detail of Xie Lian's face as if he were seeing him for the first time, and he was finally allowing himself to bask in every aspect. Xie Lian felt a fond familiarity. It reminded him of the creature's gaze as it watched him every night. As their heads rested together, Hua Cheng shifted up just enough to press their erections together through their clothes, earning a soft gasp.

"With you, I never want to stop," Hua Cheng's chuckle was sultry and soothing, "It's troubling. How difficult you are to resist."

"Don't," Xie Lian nipped Hua Cheng's lip, trying to coax him into another kiss, "Please, San Lang."

"If you insist on asking so nicely, how could I refuse?" Hua Cheng teased even as he drew Xie Lian in for more heated kisses.

Xie Lian was like a man starved, completely ravenous as Hua Cheng offered himself up. He eagerly accepted every kiss, grinding their hips together desperately. He'd become addicted to the feeling of their bodies pressed close, to the feeling of Hua Cheng's obvious arousal dragging against his own. He followed even as Hua Cheng laid back on the bed, tasting every moan drawn from his lips. The avid nature of Hua Cheng's every move only spurred Xie Lian on; the nails on his back, the zealous push and pull of every kiss, all enticing Xie Lian in, making him want to see what else he had to offer.

It wasn't enough. Xie Lian wanted more.

Not allowing himself to overthink, Xie Lian threw caution to the wind, dipping his hand into Hua Cheng's pants and feeling out the hot length of his cock. His heart raced and a wonderful shiver ran down his spine as Hua Cheng gasped and his hips stuttered. It was a thrilling, powerful feeling to have such an effect on Hua Cheng with barely a touch. As Xie Lian's fingers wrapped around his shaft, Hua Cheng groaned and thrust roughly, the slide so tantalising. Xie Lian watched in awe.

"Fuck, gege… slow down," Hua Cheng's eye fluttered closed, lips parted over gentle whines with every motion.

"No," Xie Lian replied simply. He'd waited so long for this. He kept telling himself he couldn't have it. After so much pain, after learning to cope and move on, all he wanted was this. He only wanted to share himself with the man who had saved his life.

"So forward," Hua Cheng laughed, his mirth soon dissolving into more moans as Xie Lian dragged his thumb over the head of his cock, "Mm you too… please gege, wanna feel you, too…"

Nipping his bottom lip, Xie Lian dragged Hua Cheng's pants down just enough to expose his erection. His palm rubbed back and forth over his sensitive skin as he whispered, "You've taken such good care of me. Let me take care of you?"

Hua Cheng nodded and pulled Xie Lian into a kiss so tender it left him breathless. Even as Xie Lian started a slow pace of strokes, he was completely overwhelmed by the sweetness as Hua Cheng caressed his cheek, fingers tracing along his jaw, taking in every detail like he was a work of art.

Hua Cheng's free hand trailed over Xie Lian's ass, gently squeezing even as he said so sweetly, "You have no idea how beautiful you are."

"I'm meant to be saying that to you," Xie Lian laughed.

"But I need you to know," Hua Cheng insisted, nudging their noses together. He sounded almost afraid Xie Lian might not believe him, insisting, "I adore you. My perfect gege… I only ever want you to be happy."

Xie Lian dragged his thumb delicately over the head of Hua Cheng's cock, smiling as his breath caught, "I never thought I could be happy again, but you make it so easy."

There was an uncertainty in Hua Cheng's eye, and he tentatively asked, "Even if I look like a monster?"

Xie Lian buried his face against Hua Cheng's neck to hide his blush as he admitted, "I can't stop thinking about you fucking me in that form. Towering over me… being completely at your mercy."

Hua Cheng shivered, "But I might hurt you."

"I want you to," Xie Lian groaned at the very thought, "I want to feel it for days."

Hua Cheng moaned, frantically reaching for Xie Lian's pants, "Fuck, gege, I'm gonna die if I don't feel your cock on mine right now."

Xie Lian had never seen Hua Cheng acting with quite so much ardour. Even before he could shimmy his pants down enough, Hua Cheng was pulling him into another heated kiss. The way his tongue dragged against Xie Lian's was soothing at first but soon took an amorous turn. It shouldn't have been possible. Xie Lian had no idea Hua Cheng's tongue could do the things it did. Maybe it was because he wasn't human, even in this form. It was longer than usual, enough to hug Xie Lian's own tongue without much issue. The movements were filled with such purpose as Hua Cheng seemed to stroke Xie Lian's tongue with his own, the same movements Xie Lian had been applying to his cock, and just the thought had Xie Lian groaning and grinding against him, craving a similar friction.

So lost in the kiss, Xie Lian barely noticed Hua Cheng slip his pants down just enough to free his aching erection. One hand wrapped around his shaft, while the other roughly squeezed Xie Lian's ass, nails biting into the plump cheek. Only then, with so much stimulation, Xie Lian pulled away with a gasp, taking in the dark shade of Hua Cheng's pupil and the mischievous smile on his lips.

"Is that what you want?" Hua Cheng whispered, rubbing his thumb in gentle circles against Xie Lian's frenulum.

Xie Lian whimpered feebly, resting his head against Hua Cheng's. The delicate touch on such a sensitive spot, mixed with the growing sting of sharp nails on his skin, was sending him crazy. Hua Cheng kept giving him little tastes, little glimpses of the creature he really was, and every time, it only left Xie Lian craving it. Daring to nod, his breath caught, and sparks of pure pleasure shot through his body as he let his cock glide back and forth through Hua Cheng's fingers.

"Look how sexy you are," Hua Cheng scratched his nails along Xie Lian's ass as he moved to instead caress his cheek, "I could watch you like this for days…"

Xie Lian allowed himself to indulge in fantasies of Hua Cheng, spending days locked in his sweet embrace, feeling more joy than he'd ever allowed himself to feel in his entire life. And it was all he'd never let himself want, truly. It was a feeling so pure, so intense, it overshadowed all the pain he'd been experiencing for so long. No expectations. No conditions. Just a shared desire to cherish each other.

Reaching between them, Xie Lian took both their cocks in hand and began a slow, deliberate pace as he stroked them together. Immediately, the feeling was different, so much better. Xie Lian's lips parted over delicate moans as he rocked his hips, feeling the perfect friction as they rubbed against each other. He watched in awe as Hua Cheng rolled his hips, keeping a slow pace despite the frenzy building inside them both. Part of Xie Lian wanted to rip Hua Cheng's clothes off, to admire every inch of him in all his glory, illusion or not. But there would be time for that later. The very idea of wasting time pulling off clothes was unthinkable when they were so deep in their pleasure.

It was such a strangely wonderful feeling for their bodies to languidly move together with every pump of Xie Lian's fist whilst butterflies fluttered in his chest from Hua Cheng's gentle caresses. Sometimes, it was the tracing of fingers along his shoulder and down his arm, maybe down his back, and so many soft touches to his face. Xie Lian had never felt so treasured. Every now and then, Hua Cheng would lean in or pull him closer, pressing his lips anywhere they would reach. When he realised what he was feeling, how intense it was, how completely it filled his heart, Xie Lian wasn't as overwhelmed as he thought he might be. He felt calm and serene. Like this was how it was always supposed to be.

As their lips grazed together over heavy breaths, they surprised each other by whispering in unison, "I love you."

The smile that lit up Hua Cheng's face told Xie Lian that he felt the same warmth in his chest. Deep down, there was still a pain that Xie Lian knew would never really go away, but it was okay. It was okay as long as he knew happiness like this existed. They kept moving together, kisses remaining soft and tentative even as their hips fell out of rhythm. Xie Lian drank the moans from Hua Cheng's lips as his movements stuttered, feeling him tense in his arms. The look of utter bliss on his face as he came was something Xie Lian was determined to commit to memory.

"Mm, I'm sorry, gege," Hua Cheng murmured after a moment, "It just felt so good…"

"It's okay," Xie Lian reassured, "I'm glad I can make you so happy."

"Let me make you happy," Hua Cheng urged.

Before Xie Lian could insist on just how happy he was, Hua Cheng's fingers dug roughly into his thighs. They dragged him up until he was sat over Hua Cheng's chest. There was an effortlessness to it. Like Xie Lian weighed nothing, a display of just how strong Hua Cheng could be. His nails dug into Xie Lian's skin, even through his pants, feeling like the claws he knew from his true form. All of it combined caused a swooping feeling in his stomach, like taking a nosedive on a rollercoaster.

His breath caught when Hua Cheng's mouth sealed over the head of his cock. Xie Lian didn't know what he was expecting, but it wasn't the eager greediness as Hua Cheng dragged him closer still, urging him deeper. At first, there was the faintest grazing of those fangs, and Xie Lian wondered if perhaps Hua Cheng had fangs even beyond the illusion.

The tongue that teased at his sensitive skin was different from the one Xie Lian had felt when they were kissing. It was so much longer, more pointed, so wet. Xie Lian gasped as that hot, salivating tendril wrapped around his cock again and again until Hua Cheng was practically jerking him off with it.

"San Lang, h-how…" Xie Lian felt all inhibitions crumble as Hua Cheng greedily provided as much pleasure as he possibly could.

He knew this had to be the real Hua Cheng, the appearance hidden beyond the illusion. It was the only thing that made sense. Maybe it was crazy to be so turned on, to want to give himself over to a creature whose very purpose was to hurt him. But as he tangled his fingers in Hua Cheng's hair and bucked into his mouth, as that tongue coiled around his length and the tip dragged playfully along a vein, Xie Lian thought it felt so fucking good to lose his mind.

"Fuhh-- Saaaan Lang…" Xie Lian couldn't stop moaning, rocking into Hua Cheng's mouth, tugging his hair and babbling, "So good, so fucking good, fuck…"

Before long, he was reduced to chanting Hua Cheng's name between every gratified groan, some drawn out, some cut short as he became more breathless. Every now and then, Hua Cheng would find new ways to surprise him. Sometimes, the movement of the tongue's strokes would change; sometimes, the tip gently caressed the head of Xie Lian's cock, every movement perfectly designed to milk every moan, to leave Xie Lian a trembling mess of pure bliss.

"Close, I'm so close. You want it, don't you, San Lang?"

Xie Lian wasn't even sure what he was saying anymore, so completely lost in the passion. The guttural moan from Hua Cheng didn't quite match the serene look on his face, eye closed so peacefully with Xie Lian buried in his mouth. Despite his calm, motionless position, his mouth was doing so much. The tongue unfurled itself from Xie Lian's cock only to reposition, starting its wrap from the base and working its way up. The very tip went from teasing his frenulum to playing with his foreskin, mapping out every little detail of his erection. It tightened around him at the base before beginning a new rhythm of purposeful pumps. Xie Lian was beginning to realise what he was doing. He was urging him, telling Xie Lian it was okay, that he could let go.

With his head thrown back and cock roughly shoved down Hua Cheng's throat, Xie Lian felt what was possibly the most intense orgasm of his life, unable to stop his movements as he continued to fuck Hua Cheng's mouth, feeding him every last drop. That tongue kept moving, greedily claiming everything it could, gently squeezing as if coaxing more. And finally, after what felt like a lifetime of unimaginable pleasure, the hot, wet length gave one last delicate caress before setting him free.

Xie Lian shifted until he could rest at Hua Cheng's side, brushing a hand over his cheek as he drew him into a gentle kiss. He was obsessed, utterly addicted to Hua Cheng. And though the tongue that moved against his own was back to the usual shape and size, Xie Lian had decided he liked this just as much. The soft, perfect gentleman complemented the wild beast. Xie Lian loved both sides of Hua Cheng. There was no one he wanted more than the other. They both made him happy. Because they were Hua Cheng. Two sides of the same being Xie Lian had fallen so in love with.

"Was that too much?" Hua Cheng asked tentatively.

Xie Lian smiled, a fond warmth filling him from such sweet concern, "That was the most incredible thing I've ever felt."

Hua Cheng's features lit up like a Christmas tree, clearly elated that he could bring Xie Lian such joy. It was strange to think there was a world where he was supposed to be afraid of Hua Cheng. Who could possibly fear someone so cute? So kind? So selfless?

Hua Cheng's hand trailed along the sliver of skin exposed where Xie Lian's shirt had ridden up, and he hummed thoughtfully, "This is very troublesome."

"Hm?" Xie Lian pressed his lips to Hua Cheng's jaw, "What is?"

Hua Cheng threaded their fingers together and said, "It's just, now that you've given yourself to me, I don't think I can ever let you go."

It had become clear that Hua Cheng was synonymous with happiness, for that was all he ever seemed to make Xie Lian feel, "You promised you'd stay."

"Mn, I did, didn't I?" Hua Cheng pulled Xie Lian's hand to his lips and kissed along his knuckles, "And I never break my promises."

"Then, promise me something else," Xie Lian urged.

"Anything."

"The nails… the tongue… that was your real appearance, wasn't it?" Xie Lian asked, watching for Hua Cheng's reaction.

Hua Cheng pursed his lips and nodded, "Just a taste of it. Just enough that it might provide you some pleasure."

"Promise me that you'll let me see the rest when I wake up? No more illusions. No hiding in the shadows," Xie Lian gently squeezed his hand, "I love you. Every side of you. And I want to see all of you."

Hua Cheng paused for a moment, contemplating the request. Finally, his hand slid beneath Xie Lian's shirt and along his back as he said, "Only if you promise not to leave me if it frightens you. If it does, I'll make sure you never have to see it again. I just don't want to lose you over it."

"You won't," Xie Lian assured, "I gave myself to you. I don't want you to let go."

It felt like a lifetime was spent in that dream, making up for the time they'd spent wanting each other. Xie Lian reassured Hua Cheng, promising him that nothing would change his feelings. He didn't want it to end. He wanted to stay there in the safety of Hua Cheng's arms. But when he did eventually open his eyes, his request was granted.

Hua Cheng was sitting on the edge of the bed, that familiar glowing crimson eye watching Xie Lian, and beside it, a scarred empty socket. A familiar hand rested across his legs, sharp nails like talons nestled against the blankets. Xie Lian had never seen in the darkness that Hua Cheng didn't have two arms but four. It made sense that Hua Cheng was so difficult to see in the shadows. His skin was as dark as the night sky and looked hard like wrinkled leather. A long mane of inky, wiry hair started atop his head and seemed to travel all the way down Hua Cheng's back and along his tail. Xie Lian had never seen it before, but there it was, resting among the sheets. Looking back at his face, Xie Lian couldn't see his long tongue through the rows of shark-like teeth.

He was unlike any creature Xie Lian had ever seen before, made up of so many things Xie Lian knew most would find the stuff of nightmares. And maybe Xie Lian might've as well at some point. Maybe before his parents died, before he knew what there really was to fear in the world. But looking at the creature, easily at least twice his size, sitting on the edge of his bed, Xie Lian kept thinking about those long arms wrapped around him, keeping him safe. He kept thinking about how Hua Cheng smiled at him with those cute fangs. Everything about the creature was so obviously the man he'd fallen for in his dreams. He wasn't a monster.

He was absolutely perfect.

✦✦✦

Xie Lian had lost count of how many times they'd had sex. It always seemed like a natural progression to their dream encounters. They would talk, flirt, and find new things to experience together. Xie Lian had learned that beyond placing himself within the dream, Hua Cheng had no control. He'd often ask Xie Lian to take them to certain places just so they could go on a particular adventure he'd planned. It was the relationship of his dreams, both literally and metaphorically. Hua Cheng knew just how to make him happy. Everything felt simple. They fit together so perfectly. So, while the question of whether Hua Cheng was actually real still hung in the air, Xie Lian had chosen to ignore it. It didn't matter. If it made him happy and it wasn't hurting anyone, there was no reason to dwell on possibilities that would only lead to further pain.

"So, we're nearing the end of your allotted sessions," Ling Wen said during one of his appointments, "I can always recommend more if you think you need it, but I'd like to know how you're feeling."

Xie Lian smiled as he looked down at his hands in his lap. He didn't feel the need to gauge her reactions anymore. He didn't feel like he had to maintain a certain balance between normal and whatever he'd become. She didn't have to know everything, but he could at least be upfront about his feelings.

"Good. I feel… a lot better than I did at the start. I think I just didn't want to let go of them for a long time because I was scared of being alone. But I don't feel alone anymore," Xie Lian had noticed that his friends were a little less distant than they had been. He only assumed it was because time had passed. That, and he wasn't faking his happiness anymore. Maybe they'd always been able to see through it, "I think the hardest thing has been trying to accept that what happened to them… wasn't my fault… I'm still having trouble with that one. But I'm working on it."

Hua Cheng had been helping. There were times when they would revisit it. He would check in to see if Xie Lian was okay. Sometimes, Xie Lian would cry as Hua Cheng held him and whispered gentle reassurance in his ear, constantly reminding him that none of it was his fault, that his parents never wanted him to be there for it, and that the decision was theirs. When Xie Lian questioned if he wasn't a good enough son and if maybe they made that decision because of something he'd done, Hua Cheng would ask for stories of his childhood. Every tale reminded him of their love and that, though he'd never understand why they made that choice, it had nothing to do with him.

"These are all difficult things that take time to come to terms with. You've come a long way, and there are some things you might never completely get over. But that's why we have our coping strategies," Ling Wen smiled, and Xie Lian couldn't quite tell how sincere it actually was.

"Right," Xie Lian wrung his fingers together, "Deep breathing. Exercising. Getting enough sleep."

"Speaking of which, you haven't said anything about any sleep paralysis for a while. Has that gone away?" Ling Wen asked, the pen already poised for note-taking.

Xie Lian stared at her for a long moment, trying to decide what the best thing to say might be. No one would understand. Xie Lian couldn't really expect them to. What he had with Hua Cheng wasn't conventional. People would judge it before giving them a chance to prove themselves. They'd call Xie Lian mad without humouring the idea that maybe, just maybe, Hua Cheng was real. And even if they did, they wouldn't believe that what they had was the best thing that ever happened to him. What was so wrong with dating… whatever Hua Cheng was?

Just thinking about Hua Cheng brought him joy. That was the only reason the corners of his lips lifted as he said, "Yeah. I don't see him anymore. I don't see the creature."

"That's wonderful news," Ling Wen sounded so pleased with him, scribbling more notes down.

It was hard to pretend that Hua Cheng was gone. It was even harder to pretend that Hua Cheng being gone could ever be a good thing. There were some days when Xie Lian wanted to talk about him. He wanted to tell people about the adventures they'd been on, about the cute things Hua Cheng had said, or the incredible insights he'd shared. He wanted people to know that he wasn't alone, that there was someone in this world who made him so much happier than he could've ever imagined possible. People weren't ready. That was okay. For now, Xie Lian settled with the pleasant knowledge that Hua Cheng knew how often he crossed Xie Lian's mind. What they had was their own little secret, and in a way, Xie Lian liked it like that, too.

"Sleep paralysis is one of those things that could happen at any time. So, it's possible you may experience it again in the future, but just remember it's not real. Remember the strategies we've built up. You're doing an amazing job," She was still writing as she added, "I'm going to schedule our next appointment for a few weeks' time. We'll give you a longer period to see how you're feeling without these sessions, and if you're feeling good about it, then you might not have to see me anymore. But you can always call if you're having any problems."

Heading back home, Xie Lian felt lighter. Everyone was under the impression that things were good now. He had been coping well with his grief. It was a relief that Xie Lian didn't have to pretend so much anymore. Trying to juggle the correct balance of pain and happiness was a struggle. Trying to figure out exactly what people expected from him was even worse. He'd reached a point where it felt okay to just be himself again. He had to lie about the things that made him his happiest. He had to lie about what he did in his spare time. But everything else was real. People didn't seem to stare at him like they knew something he didn't anymore. The very thought that the therapy might be coming to an end only made it that much better. If his therapy went away, his friends would see it as a sign that he was better. There would be no room to question it.

At home, Xie Lian went through the usual nightly routine, making himself a more extravagant meal than he usually would, but feeling an excitement bubbling in his chest. He had plans for that night, plans he wanted all his strength for. His cooking skills were still a work in progress. He'd been planning to play around with it in his dreams. Hua Cheng would likely know nothing about it, but it would be something fun for them to share together as he attempted to improve. Despite the food coming out a little darker than normal, Xie Lian still shoveled it all down, feeling satiated.

Showering that night was a different kind of struggle. As the hot water cascaded over his body, Xie Lian's mind trailed over what he was actually doing. Pretense had left the building. He no longer bothered trying to find ways to fill the evening before bed. Hua Cheng wanted to see him just as badly, so it didn't make sense to draw it out. But that night was different. Lathering soap onto his skin, Xie Lian knew what he was doing for that particular night was different. He was making himself look pretty, trying to be as enticing as he possibly could. And when he thought about that, his mind wandered to the hope that Hua Cheng noticed his efforts. It was completely impossible not to be turned on, so painfully hard as he let himself imagine those claws pinning him down and that tongue tasting every inch of his flesh. Xie Lian had to resist the urge to touch himself. Not yet.

This was all for Hua Cheng.

Stepping out of the shower, Xie Lian only ran the towel through his hair, leaving the rest of his body still dripping. He knew he shouldn't, but the temptation would be too high if he brushed the towel over the rest of his body. It would be far easier to just let himself air dry. Instead, he picked up a brush and his hairdryer, working to make himself look as good as possible. It was an odd task, trying to look his best for bed. It was so easy to go too far, to look like he was trying too hard. Once his hair was dry and looking silky, he was satisfied. After brushing his teeth and moisturising his face, Xie Lian decided anything more would be too much. Hua Cheng had seen him at his worst anyway. It was just that the night had to be… perfect.

Xie Lian carefully inspected his face in the mirror, trying to decide whether he was happy with his looks. He supposed it ultimately didn't matter. Hua Cheng never failed to remind him how handsome he was. As long as he felt that way, it was enough. Taking a step back, he admired himself in the mirror. Strong arms, thin waist, a delicate blend of strong muscles and soft fat. Turning just enough, he dragged a hand down his side and along his ass, admiring the natural curves of his own body.

He knew that Hua Cheng liked this. But that didn't stop him from staring at himself and hoping that tonight wouldn't be the night Hua Cheng changed his mind. Taking one last look in the mirror, Xie Lian decided this was good. There was a natural glow to his skin, perhaps from the hot water, perhaps from his obvious arousal. Whatever the reason, it made him feel slightly more confident in his appearance. He was ready.

Without any clothes, the blankets brushing against his erection caused his breath to catch in his throat. Still, he couldn't touch it. He wouldn't allow himself to. That night, Xie Lian was a gift for Hua Cheng, one only he could play with. They had discussed it a few times. Xie Lian had made it clear that he wanted to have sex with Hua Cheng in his true form. Hua Cheng slowly came around to the idea, saying he had been thinking about ways to do it without hurting Xie Lian too much. They'd even discussed experimenting with it in his dreams. There was a possibility that within his dreams, they'd be able to make love without the paralysis, even in his true form. Xie Lian longed for that but wanted their first time together to be in the waking world.

It was challenging to get close to sleep that night. The anticipation kept building inside him. Xie Lian closed his eyes and tried to relax. The sooner he did, the sooner he'd see his beloved. It took time, but eventually, he felt the bed sink, a telltale sign that he was no longer alone. With butterflies in his stomach, Xie Lian opened his eyes to find a crimson one mere inches from his face, watching him. Hot breath ghosted his skin through rows of teeth like knives glistening in the darkness.

"You're naked," Hua Cheng's warm voice tickled the inside of his mind just right, the teasing fondness doing nothing to calm Xie Lian's lust, "Are you teasing me again?"

With Hua Cheng's face so close, Xie Lian couldn't see much of his body. He remained motionless, his gaze filling Xie Lian with a warm fondness. There was always so much love in it. But as Hua Cheng shifted his finger to affectionately rub Xie Lian's hand with a smooth claw, stopping his mind from trailing to sinful places was impossible. Hua Cheng's hands all over his body, nails scratching his skin, claiming him. God, Xie Lian just wanted Hua Cheng to take him.

"You're thinking dirty thoughts," Hua Cheng's laughter in his mind sent a shiver down Xie Lian's spine, "You've been like this all evening. Making yourself pretty just for me. Don't you realise how hard it is to hold myself back?"

It was foolish of Xie Lian to have forgotten that Hua Cheng could hear his thoughts. He heard every time Xie Lian thought of him or spoke of him. That was the nature of their connection. So, of course, Hua Cheng knew how hard he'd worked to make himself a temptation. Hua Cheng knew how horny he was, how impossible it was to ignore the thought of being held down and ruined by the creature that visited him every evening. The man he loved so much.

A soft whimper left Xie Lian's lips as he thought, "If you can hear my thoughts, you know what I want. Are you just going to keep me waiting?"

"Oh, my sweet gege, you know I'd never do that to you," The jittery nature of Hua Cheng's movements told Xie Lian exactly how turned on he was.

Ordinarily, he would move slowly to ensure Xie Lian wasn't unnerved by it, but not now. The long tongue slipped from between Hua Cheng's teeth, so much more than he'd ever used in the dreams. The way his movements jumped back and forth like a worn video only made it more teasing as he trailed its way along Xie Lian's jaw. He could feel the blankets ripped from his body, leaving him completely exposed. But there was something so overwhelming as Xie Lian's vision seemed to shift momentarily, changing the creature on top of him to the man of his dreams. It didn't match what he felt, that hot tongue curling around his ear, a pair of large hands carefully moving his arms and pinning them down while another pair trailed his body, one sliding over his stomach while the other touched his thigh. None of it fit what he could see, but it felt so good he didn't care.

As Hua Cheng's appearance shifted back to reality, Xie Lian's cock pulsed, whining as Hua Cheng whispered in his mind, "Fuck, you're so sexy. I'm lucky my beloved is so generous, leaving me such a perfect gift."

Xie Lian was relieved he could still make some sounds even if he couldn't move. He wanted Hua Cheng to know the effect he was having, how such simple touches seemed to only rile him up more. Maybe it was that Hua Cheng was still being gentle. Maybe it was the feel of cold, hard skin against the softness of his own. He didn't know. He didn't care. Hua Cheng had barely done anything, and Xie Lian was already desperate to touch him in return. Hua Cheng's tongue pulled away and Xie Lian almost screamed in his mind for it to come back, but Hua Cheng instead moved it along his lips, the tip dipping between them teasingly.

Xie Lian let his eyes close for a moment, focusing on the sensation as more and more of it pressed into his mouth. It was shockingly hot in comparison to the rest of Hua Cheng's body, so much wetter than he expected it to be, practically drooling into Xie Lian's mouth. Xie Lian wanted to part his lips further, to take as much of it as he possibly could, but Hua Cheng was going slow, feeling out every inch of his mouth, tangling around Xie Lian's tongue, grazing the tip along his teeth until he pressed in further, his tongue going more rigid as he did. As Hua Cheng pulled away, Xie Lian cried out in his mind for more. More of that slick length, deeper, as much as he could get.

A sharp nail traced circles on Xie Lian's chest, just barely skirting around his nipple, and Hua Cheng cooed, "You're doing so well. It's okay, I'll give you more."

The long, thick tongue thrust into his mouth, and for a moment, Xie Lian was taken back to the dreams, to the times he'd gotten on his knees for Hua Cheng, tasting his cock, feeling the weight of it. This wasn't quite the same, but it gave him the same pleasure. Xie Lian moaned, swallowing as his mouth became too full, too wet, barely breathing past the intrusion, but he wouldn't have it any other way.

"You're not ready for my cock yet," Hua Cheng responded to his thoughts with a tenderness that felt far too sweet for the situation. As his tongue thrust as far down Xie Lian's throat as it could, he added, "But you can practice on this since it makes you so happy."

It was a miracle that Xie Lian's body remained so slack. There were so many things he wanted to do. To pull Hua Cheng's finger over, make him stop teasing, to pump the parts of Hua Cheng's tongue he couldn't take in his hands as he enthusiastically sucked off the rest, hallowing his cheeks and proving to Hua Cheng how much he wanted this, how hard he would work to be ready for his cock. They could practice every night. In the dream and like this. Xie Lian was so determined to feel every last inch.

Hua Cheng's moan in his mind went straight to Xie Lian's own aching erection, trying to control his emotions as Hua Cheng said, "Those thoughts, gege, fuck… you spoil me, truly."

He could tell Hua Cheng was being so careful when he shifted his finger over, rubbing the sensitive nub he'd been teasing for far too long. The nail barely grazed his skin, all pressure focused on that point of contact. And yet, as Hua Cheng began pistoning his tongue in and out of Xie Lian's mouth, the fourth hand holding his thigh gripped tighter, the nails sinking into his skin. He wasn't sure if it was enough to break through, but the mix of pleasure and pain was unlike anything Xie Lian had ever felt before.

"That's it, gege," Hua Cheng urged, "You're already doing so well."

Tears stained Xie Lian's cheeks as that perfect tongue kept slamming the back of his throat, trying to urge him to take more, to see where his limit might be. Opening his eyes, he saw the same strange flickering. Hua Cheng would shift between his real appearance and the one from the dream. Xie Lian didn't know if Hua Cheng was doing it or if he was. It didn't matter. What mattered was seeing them both, the clear connection, the constant reminder that the creature and the man were one and the same; his beloved.

Swallowing around the tip of Hua Cheng's tongue, Xie Lian's body trembled with pleasure, still fantasising about his cock. The guttural moan that reverberated in his mind blended with the mental image of Hua Cheng spilling into his mouth and that was all it took for Xie Lian to come, his vision pleasantly blurring between the different Hua Chengs. As his tongue finally left his mouth, Xie Lian watched the drool dripping from the tip and whimpered. Why was that so sexy? As it slithered back behind the rows of teeth, Xie Lian could've sworn he heard Hua Cheng hum appreciatively.

Hua Cheng slowly shifted forward until his forehead's cold, hard skin rested against Xie Lian's, "Are you okay?"

Only after hearing that question echo in his mind did Xie Lian realise he was panting. Still unable to move, his body seemed to do what it needed to keep going. He'd barely noticed how difficult it had been to breathe, so completely swept up in everything Hua Cheng was doing. It was the furthest thing from his mind, still floating in the high of his orgasm.

"There's so much more I want to do to you," Hua Cheng admitted. After a pause, he tentatively asked, "Can I keep going…?"

The hushed mewl that Xie Lian managed to release said nothing of just how turned on he was. The thought of more, the thought of feeling every inch of Hua Cheng in all his monstrous glory had him on edge, desperate to know what else Hua Cheng would give him. He was greedy, completely ravenous. Now that he'd tasted this side of Hua Cheng, Xie Lian needed more. As much as he could get. Hua Cheng brushed his face against Xie Lian's in a way he could only assume was supposed to be a kiss. It didn't translate quite as well in that body, but that didn't stop Xie Lian's heart racing.

"I want you in my skin," Xie Lian thought, hoping to make his desires entirely clear, "I want you to crawl inside me; I want to feel you everywhere. San Lang, please, I need more. I need all of you."

The sound Hua Cheng made wasn't human. It wasn't a moan in his mind that he heard; it was something else entirely. And though Xie Lian had never heard a sound quite like it before, instinct told him it was filled with lust. The trembling movements were back as Hua Cheng nuzzled against his neck. More animalistic sounds filled the quiet of the room, some strange mix between a growl and a trill. Part of the excitement was the unknown, being so unprepared for what Hua Cheng might do. The last thing he expected was for Hua Cheng's razor-sharp teeth to sink into his clavicle. The pain was more intense than the claws had been. His teeth tore through Xie Lian's skin like hot knives through butter. Xie Lian cried out in a mix of pain and pleasure, his whole body shuddering as Hua Cheng's tongue laved the spot soothingly.

"Is that too--"

"More!" Xie Lian screamed in his mind before Hua Cheng could dare ask if he was going too far, "Again, again, San Lang, please, I want it everywhere!"

The beastly noises from Hua Cheng grew louder, accompanied by a filthy groan resonating through Xie Lian's head. The hands holding down Xie Lian's arms gripped tighter, the curved points of each claw pressing into his skin. Not quite enough to break through, but Xie Lian was sure he'd have bruises. The very thought of so much marking all from his beloved had worked him into a frenzy. He'd fantasised about this, about knowing and seeing exactly what Hua Cheng was truly capable of, all the while feeling an unwavering sense of safety in his arms. Xie Lian wanted to give himself over, to take all the pain that Hua Cheng had to offer whilst knowing that his beloved would never let anything bad happen to him.

As he watched Hua Cheng through half-lidded eyes, Xie Lian could see the man in his dream again. He watched in awe as he moved lower, watched as he went still, and Xie Lian's entire body tensed as the teeth of a beast sunk into his chest, a mouth far too big to match what he was seeing. And as Hua Cheng looked up at him with that same loving gaze Xie Lian had grown so fond of, the image once again flickered back to reality, to the creature staring up at him as it latched onto his chest, that long, familiar tongue trailing his skin to drool over his nipple, licking the sensitive skin again and again until Xie Lian could barely breathe between strained sobs.

It was so much, so overwhelming, so overstimulating. Xie Lian wanted to move. He wanted to tangle his fingers in Hua Cheng's wiry hair and pull, to arch his back and roll his hips, anything he could possibly do to tell Hua Cheng that every second was ecstasy. They'd had sex so many times in the dreams, and it was always good, but it was never this.

The bites kept coming, trailing from his shoulder and working their way down to the opposite hip. Xie Lian's body was ablaze with a pleasant pain that seemed to have settled over him. He was growing used to it in a way he hoped he'd never lose. Like the very thought of that pain eventually subsiding was out of the question. As long as he had it, he had proof of Hua Cheng's love, and that was all he'd ever wanted.

"I'll never let you forget my love. Not for a moment," Hua Cheng assured as he read Xie Lian's mind. As his tongue wrapped around Xie Lian's cock and started a slow pace of strokes, he said, "I know you like it when I do this… but I want more. Can I have more?"

"Take everything," were the only two words Xie Lian could think, and he felt it down to his bones.

"Gege's so good to me," Hua Cheng whispered in a way that tickled Xie Lian's brain just right.

Xie Lian found being so entirely at Hua Cheng's mercy both a blessing and a curse. He ached to touch, to return every ounce of pleasure Hua Cheng was giving. But he was also so overwhelmed by it that Xie Lian wasn't sure he would've been able to do anything but greedily take it all. As Hua Cheng's arms each took one of his limbs, spreading him out across the bed and pinning him down, Xie Lian shivered, the anticipation beginning to build.

As that tempting tendril unfurled from his cock, Xie Lian tensed, trying to prepare himself for whatever was about to come. The wet length grazed along the cleft of Xie Lian's ass, teasing, but never quite giving what he wanted. It felt almost agonising, Hua Cheng slowly licking deeper, promising more. If he was able, he'd press down against it, urge Hua Cheng to completely taste him.

"One day, I'll fill you with my come," Hua Cheng's sultry voice whispered in his mind, "But for now, I just want to savour you."

With those words echoing in his mind, Xie Lian could so easily imagine it was Hua Cheng's cock pressing into him. For a moment, he imagined Hua Cheng's true form hovering over him, the impressive length of his erection forcing itself into him again and again, using him for Hua Cheng's pleasure. He could only imagine how intense it would feel, and he longed to find out, but the press of Hua Cheng's tongue into his hole was something else entirely. The salivating only made the slide that much easier, pressing in further, further. Xie Lian couldn't hold back the sounds, passionate moans, and unrestrained cries as Hua Cheng's tongue moved so effortlessly inside him. The slurping sensation as it pulled out was rapturous; Xie Lian was on the verge of tears, silently begging for more, for Hua Cheng to come back.

Hua Cheng kept changing his method. There were times it would go rigid and plow into him again and again. Sometimes, the tongue would feel around, curl just right, making sure he was tasting everything he could reach. And he could reach so impossibly far inside Xie Lian it was maddening. He wondered if Hua Cheng's cock could press so deep, if this would be what it would feel like. But it couldn't be. Not at all. Because Xie Lian had never known anything to be so wet and hot, and Hua Cheng's ability to perfectly control it was so much more than the length of his cock could ever achieve. Hua Cheng easily found his prostate, massaging it with the flat of his tongue even as the tip searched deeper inside him. Xie Lian could hardly get a breath out between each urgent moan, his entire body screaming with pleasure he never dreamed was possible.

"Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me, San Lang, please, I need it, fuck me with it," Xie Lian begged in his mind, the very thought of this stopping for even a moment too much to bear.

"It's okay, gege, I won't stop," Hua Cheng reassured as his tongue took on a firm shape similar to the feeling of his erection Xie Lian had grown so fond of from their lovemaking. It wasn't the same as his cock, though, not even close. As Xie Lian felt himself impaled on that tongue again and again, it was so much more, so much deeper. He could feel how wet his insides were with the drool. Hua Cheng groaned in his mind, whispering praise as he seemed to become more and more ravenous, "You taste so good, feel so tight, fuck…"

Xie Lian could easily imagine the slick inside him as Hua Cheng's come. He could picture Hua Cheng coming inside him again and again until there was no more room left for it all, so completely stuffed, and he'd never wanted anything more in his life. He was learning just how much room there was in his body. That wet tongue seemed to be finding more and more of it even as it pumped in and out of him. Yet he knew Hua Cheng could fill him to the brim, and the very idea of Hua Cheng using him like that had him on the brink of release.

The talons dragged over each of Xie Lian's limbs, scratching his skin as Hua Cheng made another strange, monstrous sound. Xie Lian didn't know what it was exactly, but the vibrations it sent through his body were otherworldly, sparks of pure pleasure shooting up his spine as it moved through every inch of the wet length buried inside him. He could feel it on his perineum, against his prostate; he could feel it impossibly high up in his body, and as his entire being seemed to become nothing but pure euphoria, Xie Lian came for the second time that night.

He was sure he must've blacked out for a moment, so overcome by the pleasure of it all. It was probably good that he couldn't move. Xie Lian didn't know what he would've done with his body anyway after something so intense. The grips on his limbs loosened as he slowly came down from the high, trying to wrap his mind around what exactly had just happened. He'd told himself he wanted to feel what it was like to have sex with Hua Cheng in his true form, but nothing could've prepared him for the things they'd just done. He wanted to try more, but for the first time in his life, Xie Lian thought he might actually know what pure happiness felt like.

Whimpering as the tongue slowly left his body, Xie Lian's eyes were half-lidded, barely seeing much of anything as he was still lost in the haze of his mind, but he could feel Hua Cheng licking him clean. He had thought it would be a shame to be unable to curl up in Hua Cheng's arms like they normally did after an evening of lovemaking. But Hua Cheng was a step ahead, carefully maneuvering his limp body until Xie Lian was nestled against his cold, solid chest. The many arms wrapped around him like blankets, keeping him warm despite the usual cold of his body, and Xie Lian felt completely at peace.

"I love you," Xie Lian thought, feeling it more than ever before.

Upon hearing it, Hua Cheng began making another sound. It took Xie Lian a moment to figure out what it was exactly. It was so loud, like someone revving the engine of a motorcycle, but warm and pleasant, and as Xie Lian took the time to really listen to it, it was apparent. Hua Cheng was purring. The sound didn't stop, not for a moment. Xie Lian doubted Hua Cheng had much control over it, but he found it rather soothing, and it didn't take long for Hua Cheng's purrs to lull him to sleep.

For the first time since the night Xie Lian had first seen Hua Cheng, he slept soundly through to morning without dreaming. It was as though he'd just closed his eyes for a brief moment, but there were signs that time had passed. Mostly, it was the lack of any sound in the room. Sitting up in his bed, Xie Lian looked around himself to find his bedroom completely empty. He was alone. It felt strange. Hua Cheng had never left him alone like that before. Part of Xie Lian wondered if perhaps he'd made up their entire encounter the night before, but it felt so vivid. Too vivid.

Had he just reached a point where his mind decided he didn't need Hua Cheng anymore?

Xie Lian couldn't bear that thought. He still had so many things he wanted to do with his beloved, a whole lifetime to share with him. One night of lovemaking wasn't enough. It would never be enough. Perhaps he was just tired. Maybe Xie Lian had worn Hua Cheng out with their evening together. That's what he had to tell himself. That's what he had to believe.

Feeling just a little dejected upon waking up alone, Xie Lian dragged himself out of bed and headed to the bathroom. His mind was going back over that terrible question; the what if. What if Hua Cheng really wasn't real? His whole body ached as he stumbled his way to the mirror, freezing when he finally got a good look at himself. Xie Lian traced a hand over his chest, admiring the blooming bruises and bloody cuts from the sharp teeth that had sunk into his skin as they made love. There was still an underlying pain, a tenderness all over his body. His finger kept trailing along the line of bites moving from his shoulder to the opposite hip. He could see more bruises on his arms with more superficial scratches compared to his torso.

The longer he continued to admire the bites, the more excitement seemed to bubble up inside him. Proof. Proof that Hua Cheng was real. Tangible, physical evidence that everything he'd been going through since the night they met, all of it was real. He wasn't crazy. He couldn't be crazy. How could anyone call him crazy when his body was so marred with evidence of their love?

As Xie Lian prepared himself for another day, he couldn't stop thinking about coming home that evening and spending it with his beloved sleep paralysis angel.