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Dream Awake

Summary:

Clarion, a youthful bot, has a strange dream while having conflicted emotions and thoughts.

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I felt the warm sunlight beaming on my faceplate, realizing I was back in my room on Earth. I got off the floor I was laying on, trying to shake up off the nauseous feeling I felt in my processor. It wasn't helped that my posters or my cats belongings weren't here anymore. “I told Prime and the old coot to not touch my stuff.” I mumble to myself as I turn toward the door, only to figure out it was locked. “Frag, I guess I have to do this the hard way.” I cursed out loud, not caring who hear me, before I ran to the tree where the hole in the ceiling was. As I jumped onto a branch of the tree, I was blinded by a bright light, then afterward I heard a voice. “ Clarion, why don't you sit next to me?” The voice said before I turned toward it. “Uhm, sure.” I blurt out nervously as I realized I was standing in front of my sire.

At the moment, I couldn't help to feel a storm of conflicting emotions I feel a rush of happiness, but a part of me said it was too good to true. For a moment, I pushed my emotions aside as I sat down next to him. As if he felt my nervosity my sire place a servo on my back and said: “Focus on venting in and out.” I followed his instruction, slowly venting in and out, focusing on the sound of his voice. “I am doing this right?” I asked, feeling like I was messing it up. “No, you're doing it right.” My sire replied then gave me a light tap on the back. “Prion not now!” I exclaim in surprise after the black cat jumped on my head from a higher tree branch. As I was trying to concentrate back on the exercise at hands, Prion kept placing her in front of my visor distractingly. Trying to get the cat off my head, I lost my balance, falling into a void of darkness.

Suddenly, I jolt awake on my berth as I try to remember my dream. “Ugh… Really, I was having a pleasant dream.” I complained to the four cat perched on my lap looking at me with their big adorable eyes. “I can't stay mad at you when you're giving me this look.” I said as I gave all of them a soft pet on their tiny heads. “My sire is like your own sire and carrier… Gone from our lives before we got to know them.” I said as I vent out my disappointment of never being able to meet him.

Prowl, the hero of Cybertron and also my sire. Every bot in my life kept telling me, “you look like him!” or “he also did that!” I never knew how to handle these comments, so I painted my wings and repainted most of the golden highlights adorning my body blue. I couldn't and still can't support looking like him. He was a hero, I’m nothing but a failure compared to that. “Think positively, Clarion. At least my carrier stopped doing, but I wish Prime and the old coot would shut up, tho.” I blurt out, immediately regretting the words who came out of my voice. “I can't say that, even if they bring up my sire too much.” I said, placing a hand on one of my cheeks.

“Clarion! Want to play some video games with me?” Bumblebee ask as he barged in inside my room. “I’m coming!” I replied as I gently place my cats on the floor one by one. Running in the living room, I noticed my carrier was waiting for me on the couch. I couldn't believe Bee betrayed me like that. “Don't you want to hang out with your old carrier?” My carrier ask in playful, yet I could sense some sincerity in his voice. “I can make an exception for this time…” I said hesitantly as I sat down next to him on the couch. In the moment, I felt like everyone in the room was judging me for not pretending to spend time with my carrier after he disrespected my sire by trying to find a new mate. It’s make my energon boil that everyone expect me to be fine with that, even if they keep telling me stories about my sire, probably not thinking I start to mourn his absence in my life. In a way, I feel like I rather stay asleep for the rest of my life, as it one of the rare places I am truly free of the expectations causing me to feel like I am rotting from the inside-out. Then I felt a light squeeze, making me snap off my train of thoughts. “Hey, kid, are you alright? You have been quiet for a moment.” Bumblebee asked me as his servo let off my shoulder to give me some space. “I’m fine, don't worry about it.” I lied to him as I pick up a controller, afraid to lose face in front of everyone. As the evening pass by, I slowly forgot my resentment toward my carrier to enjoy spending with the other bots on the team.