Chapter Text
Like any other day, the living room of the abandoned warehouse, where the Joker and most of his goons lived, was noisy. Just this time, it was a much more whiny noise.
The Joker's cries sounded exactly like the barks of some dog Ivy showed Harley a video of, and frankly, it didn't sound pleasant. Any who, it was clear that the Joker needed help. But what was the cause of his behaviour, anyway? That was... a mystery. He practically didn't say anything after trying to break the city into half, which was just about 12 hours prior.
With practiced ease, she roller skated over to the Joker, patting his back very lightly in the process. Her voice, always high pitched and cheerful, was just a tad softer.
"Boo-boo? You alright? Ya haven't said a word since we returned from our try to take over the city."
Unfortunately, the Joker was having an inner alpha battle in his cranium. The words that just seemed to always repeat were haunting and terrible to listen to; "Batman and Joker are not a thing. You mean nothing to me." The words seemed to be written in the Joker's mind in at least 20 fonts, none of which were thankfully Comic Sans.
His eyes suddenly regained vision after being cloudy for so long, looking at Harley like he had just been kicked in the stomach. He still couldn't properly hear her, everything she said sounded like something you'd hear under water.
Despite the feeling of numbness in most of his body, the Joker reached out and almost crushed Harley with the tightest bear hug in the entirety of the lego universe. He sniffled again, which sounded like a dog sneeze.
...Did he even know he sounded like a dog?
"Oh, Puddin'..." Harley's voice softened even more, which made the Joker start rambling on about his conversation with the man dressed as a chiroptera mammal. Suddenly, a fiery look spread through the pale face of the lady, looking ready to whip out her giant hammer from her back. Or wherever she gets it from.
"After 78 years of fighting, you'd think he'd at least admit you being the greatest enemies. He needs to learn some respect!" She ushed out confidently, which made the Joker wipe his eyes. Which resulted in completely smearing his makeup and showing just a glimpse of his natural skin colour. He didn't seem to realise.
"I tried everything, Girl buddy! I thought we had the most exotic fights, amazingly powerful battles, yet- He- He doesn't even seem to care! If I'm just a regular Condiment king in his life, then what's the point?"
The Joker slid back from their embrace, melting into the couch like before. His ass was definitely imprinted into the thing.
"Well, sugar plum, we can always take your mind off of things! How about I come up with a quick plan to rob the bank?"
Harley asked excitedly, as if trying to sollem the depressing mood of the Joker's depressing depression. Nevertheless, he laid on his side on the couch, before turning onto his stomach and speaking against the (most likely) cried through fabric.
"I don't wanna see Batman so soon..." He whined again, earning a couple of glances from his goons.
"Well, we can't have ya moping and whining the whole day! Take a shower, get dressed and let me handle the planning." She patted his back again. She was doing that a lot. "No offense, but you've been sitting on the same couch for hours, and smell like dog pee."
"Yes, but-"
"No buts! You're going to shower, now!"
With the unsurprising strenght of a woman who carried a comically large hammer everywhere, she pulled the Joker from the living room and into the cockroach infestated bathroom.
"Oh, and make sure your makeup's done. Some of it rubbed off from your tears."
The Joker stiffened just slightly, but nodded obediently. He wasn't gonna fight a fight he would've never won- alright... he's done that multiple times. But not today! After Harley left Joker to the privacy of the bathroom with a hole in one of it's walls, he sat down on the shower floor as the water hit him in the face.
On the other side of Gotham City, Batman was getting ready for the retirement party of Jim Gordon, having one of his dressup parties through raspy giggles. He didn't even seem to realise when he had gotten into the Wayne car, and was only now frowning due to Alfred asking him to take off his cowl. Who calls it a cowl, anyways? Brits.
The first few minutes of stepping into the party were almost automatic to him, talking to someone famous, answering the questions of some brown haired kid, whilst definitely not watching the red haired lady step through the door in her shiny purple dress. In his mind, a song straight out of a romance movie played seemingly out of nowhere.
Nevermind that! After watching the madam yap about "it takes a village not a batman blah blah blah" for a while, Batman seemed to realise it was pretty suspicious of the Joker or any other villain to NOT bust through that door. Such a public scene would defintely cause one of them to show up!
Still, nothing happened. The cameras flashed the new commisioners face as if she was Jesus, and Bruce was left standing in the midst of a clapping crowd with no sort of reaction.
That was, until a young child pulled on his shirt sleeve. Oh! Its the kid from earlier. Uhh, Dig. Or something.
"Soo... were you serious about adopting me?"
His mind blanked. When had he EVER mentioned that? Or implied it? Suddenly, the eyes of everyone in a meter radius of him seemed to scan his every move. And since he wanted to best his image, he wasn't gonna tell an orphan "No!"
"Uh, sure. Kid." He awkwardly ruffled his hair, which made the kid's eyes shine and his already big smile brighten. Jesus, what had he gotten into?
"Come on, Boo Boo! We ain't got all night!" Harley knocked on the bathroom door, which she had done at least four times before.
"Coming!" The Joker said. Just like the same four times before. Ugh.
"Well, hurry up!"
Another few minutes passed, and when Harley knocked again, the Joker didn't answer. She kicked the door open and immediately walked in, her eyes widening at the sight of Joker moping on the ground.
"Oh, sugar... what's wrong?" She reached out her hand, recieving no reciprocation.
"I don't think I'm ready to see him again, Harls. We both know that once we step out, Batman's gonna come out from the shadows or something!"
The Joker tugged on his green hair, his frown deepening.
"Well... maybe that's not the case. We could always find you another hero to fight-"
"Like WHO, Harley? Last time I checked, there's only one superhero or vigilante or something in Gotham!"
Or, was there?
From beneath the shadows, the man's black beak beaconed, reflecting off the light of the nearby street. He might've missed his cue yesterday, since Batman likes to show up quickly to defuse any villain attack. Seriously, did he always wear his costume? Or was it surgically put on him and impossible to take off?
Doesn't matter, since the streets would soon have another night hero beside the buffed tall human man.
He just needed more time, something easy yet serious to put his name in the local newspapers.
And with how he just noticed two - very clear - villains, trying to break into a bank, he was sure his name would show up soon.