Chapter Text
London, April 5th, 1844
My dear & loving Sister,
The good fortune I spoke of in my last letter has crumbled. After much discussion, the Board has decided that they cannot permit an unmarried man to serve a mission in Arcadia, and nothing I say will dissuade them in this. Even Rev Hale, who had previously handpicked me for this mission and told me I was well suited to it, is now adamant that I must meet this qualification or be reassigned.
I fear I do not have the capacity to be a just husband, however much I might try. My heart has already been bestowed elsewhere, to my vocation, and I cannot imagine my wife being anything but unjustly deprived. As I loathe the thought of wounding her so, it appears that reassignment may be the only option open to me.
Yet a portion of my absentee heart is already there, in Arcadia, and the notion of turning away from it now pains me deeply. Rev Hale daily reaffirms my aptitude for this particular mission and urges me to enter into the married state. And so, as unsuited as I believe myself for marriage, it behoves me to at least consider it. Perhaps I am called by God to do this? It is easy to think I am called to Arcadia; if marriage is part and parcel of that, perhaps I am called to that as well. Some small part of me entertains a hope that if I am obedient of His plan, He will give me the capacity that I currently lack. Were I to be reforged in such a way, I have little doubt I would be the better for it.
In other Societies, the requirement of matrimony is standard. They reportedly address this qualification by instructing their applicants to write home and ask their families to arrange matches. So now I am in the position of writing to you to ask if you have in your acquaintance a young woman with whom you believe I would be well-suited, and who would be willing to serve as missionary in such a distant land. I am much uneasy about this prospect, yet I trust you more than I trust myself; your selection is a sounder method than anything I might devise. If you were to endorse a bride for me, I would be compelled to truly consider it. Yet I urge you to be not hasty; I dread the thought of wounding any friend of yours. While I would grieve to lose Arcadia, in due course I would doubtlessly reconcile myself to it. In the absence of a fitting match, do not propose an unfit one merely as a means to an end.
Your loving brother,
Laon
A crumpled letter, unfinished and unsent:
Birdforth, April 8th, 1844
Beloved Brother,My good-for-nothing Brother,I do not believe I have ever been so wroth with you in our entire lives. I have borne everything up to this point with more grace than might reasonably be expected from anyone. I said not a word when you decided to become a missionary, leaving me behind. When you received your assignment to the Faelands, I wrote only of my joy for you, concealing my pain and envy.
Yet now you write to me and ask me to nominate another woman to take my role in our childhood dreams, to explore new worlds by your side? And I myself am to remain in dreary old England, left to dwell on this injustice without even the paltry excuse of my sex to justify it, knowing that another woman has been given this joint venture that ought to be ours? This is too far; my heart can only endure so much.
I will not arrange a marriage for you. You will be denied the Faelands just as I am.
Should you remain firm in your resolve, I will, out of the love and duty I bear towards you, endeavour to find a woman fit to accompany you, though it shall be with a heavy heart and a spirit laden with sorrow.
No, I will not arrange a marriage for you. I could not, even if I wished to do so; I do not have in me sufficient charity to give this role to another.
Shall I find a missionary destined for the farthest reaches of Madagascar and wed him? Shall I discover the island, and write to you that it is our Gaaldine come to life? Would that make you understand what you have asked of me here?
Another letter, composed later that day, this one completed and sent:
Birdforth, April 8th, 1844
To whom it may concern at the London Missionary Society,
I have recently been informed that your Society requires matrimony of any missionaries in Arcadia, although not of missionaries in other locations. Can you clarify this policy for me?
Kindest regards
Miss Catherine Helstone
London, April 10th, 1844
Dear Miss Catherine Helstone,
Rev Laon Helstone informed me that he wrote to his kin; I take it that you are that kin? He is an exceptional man, although doggedly opposed to matrimony. I hope that you might be my ally in causing him to reconsider entering into married life.
Let me begin by clarifying that our Society has long preferred and recommended marriage for missionaries, regardless of destination. We assert that a missionary wife is most valuable because, through experience, she has proved to be so. In the early days of our Society, our missionaries were predominately bachelors, under the logic that the most effective missionary would be one who was, as far as possible, undistracted. With time, it has become evident that this is simply untrue; a wife is an asset in the missionary context.
The value of a missionary wife is, in many ways, the same as the value of a wife in other spheres of life: 'it is not good that the man should be alone.' When one is far from home, at a distant post with few associates, this is put into starker relief. Unique to the missionary context, though, there are additional benefits. Half of all heathens are females and they are best taught by a member of their own sex. The model of a Christian marriage and a civilised Christian home is invaluable.
While we have long advised marriage, we have not previously insisted upon it. In the case of the Arcadian mission, this is a mission unlike any other for obvious reasons. It is uniquely difficult and we wish to afford our brethren every advantage. If there was ever such time as a helpmeet was needed, it is this. Our first missionary to Arcadia, Rev Jacob Roche, was an unmarried man who, after one year in the missionary field, elected of his own accord to return to England and marry before returning once again to his mission. After careful consideration, we have decided to institute Rev Roche’s personal wisdom as policy.
I expect that Rev Helstone has written to you of his personal frustration with this decision. We at the Society urge you to understand that despite his personal grievance, this is a policy instated for his benefit, in the name of his wellbeing, safety, and success.
Best regards
Rev Joseph Hale
Birdforth, April 13nd, 1844
Beloved Brother,
By the hand of Providence, it so happens that I have identified a most suitable candidate. I am quite certain you will find her disposition most agreeable. She has the heart of an adventurer and is eager at the prospect of joining you on this mission. In your concerns regarding your ambivalence as to marriage, you will find this well-matched in her own ambivalence. Her expectations are modest and you shan't disappoint her.
Under these unusual circumstances, she fears that she will arrive in London only for you to be displeased with her and send her away. You must promise me that you will do no such thing.
You wrote to me uncertain. When my letter reaches you and it becomes real, I suspect you will become more uncertain still, and again when you meet her. I empathise with that, but I must implore you to remember that you invited me to begin this. When she arrives and your nerves take ahold of you, I will need you to remember that you wrote, ‘I trust you more than I trust myself.’ I am certain, and I will be certain for the both of us until your own wisdom catches up with you.
Your loving sister
Cathy