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"Its pathetic, you know." Perpetua's voice comes from the couch, his form draped across it while fiddling with a little decorative statue.
Copia tries to ignore him. He's been ignoring him since the Papa strode in - unannounced, as always - while pecking at his keyboard and going through emails. Copious amounts of fucking emails. He knows he can't keep ignoring them. That eventually they will say something that will prompt a response he can't swallow down.
"What is?" He asks, keeping his voice as flat and disinterested as possible. It's difficult since the messages in the Clergy's inbox are all about… Him. People wanting to interview the new Papa, congratulating the band on a Number One album, on a tour going well… So many people wanted Perpetua. Wanted his time. Copia can't help but wonder if it had been like this during his reign. It didn't feel like it. Perhaps the late Sister Imperator had given in to the urge he holds to delete all of it. To deny Copia more attention than he received.
The bitter thought prickles his skin. Their mother was rather consistent in that aspect of things.
"You have… all of this," Perpetua gestures to the office around them, newly refurbished, smelling of lacquered wood under a layer of incense. Copia rolls his eyes. It's not the first time Perpetua has prodded their conversations in this direction, trying to get a rise. Copia was always willing to give him just that, but today… Today he doesn't want to deal with it.
"Don't, Papa." Copia's voice is cold and clipped, addressing him with proper title as he deleted an angry piece of writing about the bands 'loss of identity'. Perpetua stops fidgeting, suddenly statue still as his head swivels to look at Copia.
"Don't what?" Perpetua says, returning the ice of Copia's voice in full measure. They sit upright in a way that, from the corner of Copia's vision, comes off as stilted and unnatural. As if they sometimes forget how to be human. They come closer to Copia's desk, their eyes boring into the Frater. "Don't remind you of all that you had? All that I didn't? A mother. A father. A place you belonged. All you could ever want."
Fury like a flame devouring dry kindling ignited swiftly, Copia turning to glare at Perpetua only to find his brother leaning against the desk and looming like a living gargoyle. He can't form words, the anger constricting his throat, threatening to tip into something more genuine, something more terrifying than rage.
"You even get to be the boss, and still you are unhappy." Perpetua hisses.
Copia knows what Perpetua wants out of this. He knows that it would feel good to give into that. To throw his brother onto the couch and wrestle between angry kisses and rough touches… There is an undeniable bliss in the violence of their sensuality. But something in him simply snaps. Too much is happening around him, to him, inside of him, and anger struggles to maintain its mask.
"What do you know about what I want?" Copia asks, his voice too calm even to his own ears. Perpetua's expression shifts slowly into confusion. "I never wanted any of… THIS!" Copia throws a hand to the room that spent months being renovated for him, because he didn't want it to look like it did when his mother was in charge. He stands up and Perpetua quickly mirrors him, chin raised as he watches his brother.
"I didn't even want to become Papa!" Copia laughs, but there's no humor in it. "I was content as a Cardinal! I- I had worked my way up from nothing to attain even that and that wasn't what I wanted either." Emotion is building in his chest as his voice rises, Copia stepping closer and feeling a faint satisfaction at the fact Perpetua steps back. "And you think you know- You dare to assume- You don't know anything!"
Copia's stumbling over his words now, trying to fight back the flood that's bursting at his lips. So many things he wants to say, things that have been simmering inside of him for so long that it hurts. He's smiling, but that hurts too, the look one of incredulity as Perpetua continues to look confused. Afraid.
"I never knew who my parents were!" Copia shouts. "Not until Sister pulled me aside and- and told me I was to sing for the band. Not until after I had started doing that. And I had no say in it. When the Imperator tells you what you are to become, you do it! Only then did she tell me that- that she was my mother."
Copia's eyes sting with the threat of tears, remembering how briefly it was mentioned at all. How awkward her attempts at actually being a mother afterwards were. How he clung to them anyway.
"I was told my mother was very important to the Clergy, and that was it," he adds, throwing up his hands. "And my father - I didn't even know who it was until he was dead! Dead, fratello! Dear old dad is Nihil. Did you know that she had me work under him, hmm? Take care of him? For years, I did! I did everything for that anziano. I cooked for him! I did his fucking laundry! Do you think I wanted that? No!"
Copia comes closer again and Perpetua stumbles back, chin no longer raised, eyes wide to stare in silence as the Frater starts crying.
"And then… Then after everything, I find out he was my father. And that he didn't even know I was his son. But that it meant I was destined to become Papa. It's all about the fucking bloodline," Copia wiggles his hand in the air as he exhales sharply. "I had to do this, it was my blood, the previous Papas were all dead, it was all that was important blah, blah, blah, so I fucking did! I didn't want to, but I did. And- and I started to like it! It was a job that I could enjoy! The crowd… The spotlight…"
For a moment, he stops like the wind is pushed out of him, face softening in the recollection of the fans. Of the lights on him. Illuminating him. How, for the first time in his life, he'd felt genuinely important. Copia starts to shake his head as his eyes begin to focus back into the present and harden when he looks to Perpetua.
"And then… She decides once more for me," Copia says, his voice cracking as he shrugs. "She decides I am to become Frater Imperator. After she fucking dies, too. She decides you are to replace me. She decides that it doesn't matter that you were never a part of the Clergy. That you never worked your way up the way I did. The way our uncles did. No, you get to come in here and replace me."
Perpetua continues his silence, observing Copia as angry tears run down his cheeks and emotion threatens to silence him. It's like a constricting hand around his throat, an ache so deep in his chest he wonders if he will finally die, too. Like he was so afraid of. Like he still is afraid of.
"I didn't want any of this," Copia continues, once more throwing his arm out at his office. "I never wanted to be Papa. I never wanted you. So don't presume to know anything. I have never had what I wanted. Not once."
Cold tension falls over them, Copia on the verge of falling into his own abyss. He wants to take that plunge, he wants to collapse on his couch and cry, but not with Perpetua still here.
"Fratello-"
"Don't." Copia snaps at the too soft tone of Perpetua's voice. "Just- Just leave."
Perpetua looks at Copia who looks away.
"… Yes, Frater," is all he says as he makes his way to the door. The first and only time he's actually listened to Copia trying to get rid of him.
Somehow, it hurts worse than anything else his brother has done.