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Angel’s Share had never been busier after everything that had transpired tonight. The trial was over, battle won, Windblume season fresh. The City of Freedom could finally breathe a sigh of relief, celebrating their victory the way they knew best– at the local taverns, drinking the night away.
As patrons eventually flocked back to their homes, Kaeya still found himself grounded to his seat, continuing to drink. His brother didn't cut him off this time, despite the bluenette ordering several more Death After Noons than usual. He had to admit, things had been strange ever since Diluc had sprung out of nowhere to “protect” him from the first Cryo Lawachurl on the bridge.
How does he always appear out of nowhere like that, Kaeya wondered. That's the second time he's defended me against a Cryo enemy. And how does he know when I’m nervous–
“To answer your question earlier, I think it's all the time,” Diluc said aloud from behind the counter, interrupting his thoughts, as though he was reading Kaeya’s mind at that very moment. “But I only see what I see when I’m around.”
What in the–
“Tell me,” the redhead continued, pouring another Death After Noon into Kaeya's glass. “Why do you put up a front in the first place? Why pretend?”
The bluenette stared into the glass, voices starting to torment him. How can he even ask such a direct question? He knows why. I haven't been myself since that night–
“Kaeya.”
He flinched upon hearing his name, snapping back to reality. Diluc’s face softened from his stony expression as he moved from behind the counter, taking a seat near his brother.
“That's the Kaeya I know,” he whispered softly, bringing a glass of his own to his lips.
Kaeya couldn't bear to look at the redhead. Fists clenched against the counter, leaning in, he took a deep breath. He didn't know why, but something angered him about being so easy to read, by the one person he felt like he could never be himself around anymore. And yet, it was as though Diluc was letting down his own walls, as if to say enough is enough.
“Why does it matter if I’m not nervous enough? Since when does something like that matter–”
“You matter to me, Kaeya.” His brother's crimson eyes looked off to the side, before meeting his starry pupil. “I know I don't–” he paused with a light sigh, “show it. But I do.”
Kaeya drank from his glass at this point, in an attempt to hide how choked up he was from his brother's comment. Putting down the glass, heart quickening its pace, he kept scanning behind the bar counter for the right words to say.
“I–” the redhead began, awkwardly fumbling through his own words. “I’m sorry.”
Kaeya immediately turned, confused. “For what?”
“A lot of things,” Diluc clarified, keeping his gaze from meeting his brother's. “For making you feel like you have to pretend. I know it's probably because of me, because of that night. I’m… sorry.” The last words trailed off, blending in with the tavern’s silence.
Kaeya felt like crawling out of his skin. He wasn't ready for this. Not now. Not here.
Why not, another side of him asked, a voice he hadn't heard in a long while. You two are alone, and he's making an effort. Aren't you tired of faking it?
Bringing the glass up once more to take a sip, his eye widened at seeing his hand trembling. He set the glass back down at once.
“Kaeya?”
Why is this so hard? This is everything you wanted, it’s what you’ve been waiting for, the voice gently chided him.
Kaeya stood up, high chair screeching against the wooden floor. “I… need to go.” He noticed how his brother's expression changed again. But it wasn't what he expected at all. Instead of going back to his stoic, bitter look that the bluenette was familiar with, Diluc's vibe carried more of a disappointed resignation. Shoulders slumped, posture poor, swirling the contents of his glass absentmindedly– he wasn't used to seeing his brother look so resigned. The sight made Kaeya uneasy, and while he wanted to leave to escape the discomfort, he found his legs weren't cooperating.
“I understand.” Diluc continued to stare off into the back wall of the tavern, before taking the last sips of his drink. “Good night, Kaeya.”
When he didn't respond after some time, the redhead turned, surprised to see that his brother hadn't moved at all.
“Kaeya? What's–”
“Why,” he interrupted, hands resting against the counter, head turned slightly downward. “Why now? After all this time?”
Diluc seemed bewildered at the sudden change in tone, but sighed before responding. “I’m tired of pretending that night didn't happen. I shouldn't have reacted the way I did. You… deserve an apology.”
Kaeya’s breath hitched as he forced himself to inhale. He brought his head up to see, out of the corner of his eye, how remorseful Diluc appeared.
Say something, his thoughts hissed. Stop pretending–
He sat back down, fingers gripping the edge of the wooden counter. Diluc watched him carefully, holding back his words.
“I–” Kaeya began, voice trembling. He felt himself unraveling, all his tells starting to show, and he hated every bit of it. But at the same time, it felt absolutely liberating, as though all of the masks that had weighed him down, the layers of protection he had put on over the years, had finally been lifted off of him. The heaviest one being the one he had desperately put up when Diluc had returned.
“I hate this.”
Diluc’s eyes widened. “This?”
“I tried so hard,” his brother pleaded, on the verge of a breakdown, “to be what everyone wants me to be. To be what you… want me to be.”
“I didn't want that–”
“Don't lie to me,” Kaeya raised his voice, scaring himself in the process. “Everyone seems to like this version of me better. The cool, calm, collected one. Not the quiet, anxious boy you grew up with.”
“When did I say I wanted that?” Diluc reiterated his point.
Kaeya stopped, taking shallow breaths. The voices in his head were fighting for his attention, but he was so tired of listening to them. “You didn’t.”
“Exactly. And I don't think anyone else did, either.” The redhead straightened his posture, pushing his empty glass aside. “Listen, I know you've been holding in a lot. I can tell because– well, I can relate.”
The silence that followed was deafening, to say the least. Even the voices had stopped their chatter in Kaeya's mind.
“What?”
“I’m done pretending that I don't care,” his brother elaborated, fingers twirling the glass along the counter. “There are too many regrets, too many years spent like this. I can't do it anymore.”
He continued. “When I first noticed at the trial, it made me realize that it's hurting you. Just like it's hurting me. And I don't want that for you.” He looked Kaeya straight in the eye, attempting to keep his gaze soft. “You don't need to pretend anymore.”
The bluenette looked down at his hands and unclenched his fists, color quickly returning to his hands. He hadn't even realized they had been clenched. “What if… I don't know how to stop?”
Diluc thought about that for a moment before responding carefully. “Do you want to?”
Kaeya tilted his head upward, closing his eyes. The voices had stopped, except for a soft whisper, telling him one word.
Yes.
He eventually nodded, trying to hold back his tears but failing. A few slipped past as he brought his face down, dabbing at his eye.
Diluc stayed silent and unmoving. Kaeya was grateful for the space, the silence, the pauses. Initially, it felt uncomfortable, but he realized his brother was actually making an attempt to be more patient, less impulsive. He wasn't used to his brother being gentle and warm. It was as though Diluc was creating a safe space for them in the tavern to slowly unravel who they weren't.
“It's getting late,” the redhead finally said, grabbing a rag from his pocket and proceeding to wipe his side of the counter. “We’ve both had quite a day.”
“Mm.”
“Mind you, I’m not kicking you out or anything,” Diluc clarified. “I just– should be cleaning up and all. Addie has been getting on me to come home earlier. You know how she can be.”
Kaeya nodded again. “Do you… need help?”
His brother paused his wiping to glance up at him. “It's fine, I can–”
Kaeya sauntered behind the counter and grabbed a rag from the sink.
“That's-”
“No, I want to help,” he offered, cutting his brother off.
“It's not that. The clean rags are over there,” the redhead responded, pointing toward the other end of the sink. “Those are the dirty ones.”
“Oh.” He felt stupid, but couldn't help but crack a sheepish smile at that.
The time passed quickly as Kaeya wiped the tables and washed the dishes, while Diluc swept and mopped the floor.
“Thanks,” his brother said. He could hear the weariness from the day coming through in his voice.
“No problem,” Kaeya replied, setting the rag down and heading for the door. “Thank you… as well.” They exchanged smiles and he felt for just a moment, that things might turn out okay for them.
“Did you want to come over?” His brother suddenly asked. “For dinner… the day after tomorrow. I can have Addie make your favorite dish.”
“Pancakes?”
“For dinner?” The laughter that followed sounded so foreign to Kaeya that he couldn't help but join in. “I don’t know if she’ll agree to that, but I can see-”
“No need,” Kaeya stated. “I was kidding. But sure. I’d love to.”