Chapter Text
The sun had not yet set on the evening that Agent Jay Walker had finally set foot into the Monastery of Spinjitzu- his supposed home. Or at least according to the words of the Water Ninja. He never intended to actually listen to the ninja or believe them, and he didn’t. He told himself that the only reason that he had gone with them was because they offered medical aid. That was it. Nothing else. He was only there to heal his broken leg, and not because of how he felt around them. Around her especially.
Jay didn't know if that was a good thing or bad. That nagging feeling to join her. Be with her. It was as if an invisible string was pulling at his chest, with the other end attached to her. He felt the same during the tournament of sources, but Lord Ras had warned him of it. Of the lies that the ninja spoke, only to make him lose. And the tug was further proof of his words. But now he didn’t know what to believe. The administration had lied to him first. And then Ras did. So why should he believe the Ninja?
But every time he saw her, or any of them, really, the tug just got harder and harder to ignore.
So he let the water ninja take his hand. She pulled him up, wrapping an arm around his back for support. He leaned on her, put an arm around her shoulder, trying to ignore the ache in his chest. She walked him to her car, smiling ridiculously the whole time. He couldn't help but stare. Her smile was intoxicating. The feeling of her body supporting him was intoxicating. Her hair, her eyes- Jay tore his gaze off her, cursing himself silently. He had to stay strong. He couldn't fall for their traps.
After making sure he was settled, she got into the driver's seat of the car, which was in front of him. They drove off the miles of desert, jumping slightly when they hit dunes.
“How’s that leg?” she called in a cheery voice. She seemed really enthusiastic for a person who’d lost two teammates.
“Just fine.” He replied blankly. He didn't want to entertain her, and he tried to make it clear.
“So, water ninja-”
“It’s Nya.”
“Whatever. Why are you helping me?”
“You’re one of us, Jay, whether you remember it or not. I’ll always help you.”
A buzz went through his body hearing her say his name, one which he ignored to refute her thinking.
“I’m not one of you, and I’ll never be. Say it as many times as you want, I’m not going to fall for it.”
He watched her expression sadden for a split second, before changing to a fake, plastered smile, completely different from the one she had on before. He didn’t feel bad. He told himself he didn’t. Okay, maybe slightly. All of a sudden, Nya stopped the car and announced: “We’re here.”
Jay looked up at the looming building he hadn’t noticed from the road. Nya supported him again as they walked, and his body responded to hers, turning ever so slightly to her as though familiar with it. She looked at him and turned back suddenly, a slight rosiness filling her cheeks as that ridiculous, enthralling smile returned to her lips.
No one said anything, not when they walked into the building or the portal out to the monastery. There they were greeted by a frog man with a funny accent, talking to the green one about some guests. Jay didn’t really pay attention, but soon they were walking again. The sting in his leg had lessened, but he was reluctant to let go of Nya.
Come on Jay, don’t fall for it.
He pushed off of her, limping the rest of the way. Okay, maybe he had misjudged the pain, but he wasn’t gonna go back and ask for help.
Nya rolled her eyes, as if aware of what he was thinking, but she didn’t say anything. They walked into the courtyard, where a party seemed to be happening, filled with what looked like the whole freaking population of Ninjago. Nya split off from him there, going to talk to some others, leaving him to handle all the strangers claiming to know him.
The evening went by in a spur, filled with laughter and fun for the others, while Jay kept denying their stupid allegations. Seriously, how did these people even think some of these were real? Trapped in a video game? Sure, totally believable. It was starting to piss him off. The party ended as hazily as it had begun and then, one of the ninja- the black one, offered to take him to the infirmary to tend to his leg.
He was led down a long hallway, filled with paintings and white walls until they eventually stopped before a wooden door.
The walls of the room were grey, the blinding white lights making everything look gloomy. Jay was sitting on the only bed there, with steel railings and a matching grey bed spread. The black ninja, who said his name was Cole, grabbed some white length bandages and ointments.
He worked while making small talk, the ointment only stinging Jay a little.
“So, what made you grow out your hair?” he asked, currently bandaging Jay’s leg.
“None of your business.” Jay replied, crossing his arms.
“I just know we’re going to joke about this so much once you get your memories back.”
“How many times do I have to tell you people? I’m not a Ninja. Back off, it’s starting to get a little creepy, honestly. At least try to come up with believable lies? You sound stupid.”
“They’re not lies, Jay.” Cole said, with an annoyed tone. “We’ve been through a lot, and we’ve worked really hard to get where we are, so it’s a little insulting when you call us liars.”
Jay scoffed, “And you think where you are is so great? You’ve got your spoonful of fame sure, but when it comes down to it, your students left, your master’s the reason everyone lives got scattered, and none of you even know where your actual families are. You know what I think? I think you lot are just a bunch of people so gullible that you don’t want to face the reality of the world- that it’s fucked. You sit in your grand monastery who probably stumbled upon one day, making up silly stories which made you popular. You aren’t ninja. Just tricksters.”
Jay looked at Cole, feeling only somewhat bad about his words. Cole didn’t bother to look up.
“All done.” he said in a low voice, getting up and walking to the door. Before he exited, he turned back. His face was a mask except for the burning rage in his eyes, sending shivers down Jay’s spine.
“If you even think for a second about spewing this shit to any of the others, especially her, you’ll wish you hadn’t.”
He blinked and sighed silently, and for a moment, what Jay could only guess as hurt flashed across his features, before he met Jay’s eyes again, that rock hard expression returning.
“I don’t know what happened to you, but it's clear to me that you aren’t the same Jay Walker I’ve known for more than half of my life. Maybe I should listen to you. What you said convinced me. Jay Walker is dead. All that’s left is the husk of his cold dead corpse. You are nothing. Nothing.”
He walked away, leaving Jay right there to process the gruesome words he had said. Maybe Jay had gone too far. He didn’t know why he did it. Every time someone told him he was a ninja once before, something inside him cracked. All his anger from being lied to by so many people came out again and he had to shut it down. He had to make it stop. He wouldn’t be lied to again. He would get tossed around like some stupid ball. He wasn’t just an object. He was a person. And now that his goodness was shattered, he could see everyone for what they really were: liars. Nothing more, nothing less. He couldn’t trust anyone in this deranged world but himself. And now even his own body seemed to betray him, to the point where he had to keep reminding himself.
I’m not a ninja
I’m not a ninja
I’m not a ninja
And he wasn’t. It was clear that he had struck a nerve when he spoke to Cole, but that should have provoked him to tell the truth. Not lie further. It was a disgusting trait. Cole was a disgusting person. He was. But his mind wasn’t listening. He knew it for a fact after the conversation they had. But he still wasn’t convinced.
He couldn’t live on impulse, not ever again. Only his own logical conclusions were true. He had to live by them.
So, while his guts told him it wasn’t true, factual thinking would always win. Because it had to.
But maybe he was in the wrong here too. Even Jay had to admit he had crossed a line with Cole. But the whole party, he was pestered by all sorts of people about his identity as the “lightning ninja.” He had pushed them aside, bottled his emotions until he snapped at Cole.
But Cole deserved it. Cole was a liar, and liars get what they deserve.
Liars get what they deserve
Where had he heard that before? He remembered ghastly lips and a heavily accented voice, a raised hand and-
Nya was knocking on the open door of the room. She had changed into a blue graphic shirt that was too big for her, and sweatpants, rather than her usual gi. Her hair was still tied, but other than a half up, half down style, it was pulled into a low ponytail. She was leaning against the door, arms crossed.
“Can I come in?”
Jay nodded, still only half there. His head was erupting with random memories. Voices, the feel of humid air and putrid breath- but he put it aside to focus on Nya, who was currently standing in front of him, offering her hand.
He took it. “Care for a tour?”
“Sure” he said. Once he stood up, she offered him a crutch which he hadn't notice her bring in.
As he limped to the main entrance, she lingered beside him. Through the entrance hall were doors in opposite directions.
“This side,” she indicated to the left door, “Is mainly our living quarters. And this,” pointing to the right, “is where all our ninja work goes on, like the war room or the weapons room and the infirmary. We also have a few guest rooms here, but that's only for more professional guests. Both sides have entrances to the basement- our tech cave and portal are there. It’s where we came in from today.
They went to the right first, looking at the weapons room, which had all sorts of weapons, from shurikens to nunchucks. “They were your signature,” Nya pointed out.
They went to the war room, a room with a long table which housed probably ten or more chairs. The rest of the rooms here were for training and storage mostly, except for a few small living quarters. The infirmary was here too, but Jay didn’t want to see it again.
They walked back all the way to go through the right door, which led into a corridor with the first two parallel doors being for the kitchen and the drawing room. A separate door led to the ninja's personal living quarters.
Pictures lined up the long corridor, ones of the ninja, ones of their lost master and even ones of him. He knew they were just lies. However, it still shocked him to see the lengths they’d go to make him buy their story.
There was a picture of him holding a video game controller up, laughing as he stood beside a game called “prime empire”. There was a photo of him with Kai and Cole, all three posing as Zane could be seen fighting someone behind them, a huge fog showed that he was using his ice powers. There was a family portrait of sorts with all the ninja and him in the frame as their master sat down in front of them. There was even a photo of him with two complete strangers, both with greying hair. A woman stood to his right, holding his arm. She had large glasses and wrinkles. Her hair was pulled into a bun. A man was on his other side, ruffling Jay’s curls as Jay laughing, one eye closed. Both had big smiles on their faces, the background resembling a junkyard. Jay pondered on it, but he refused to ask questions. He didn’t want the ninja to share more weird stories and lies of him. He didn’t want to be inclined to believe them.
Nya showed him around the rooms.
One for Nya, one for Cole, one for Kai, one for Llyod, One for Zane, one for all the others and one for...
“This is the last room.” the door was parallel to Nya’s, beside Cole’s. All the other rooms down the corridor were either guest rooms, or rooms for Arin, Sora, Wyldfyre and Frak.
“It was yours when you were a Ninja. Do you want to-”
“Bullshit. I was never a ninja. I don’t want to look in that room with all your supposed photographs of me or the objects you placed there which are supposed to be mine.”
“Jay, we didn’t put them there, they were yours-”
“I don’t care. I don’t want to look in that room.”
Nya sighed slowly and relented. She looked upset but didn’t meet his eyes.
“Okay. Pick one of the guest rooms down the corridor.”
Jay limped his way down the corridor, with full intent to pick the one farthest away from the others. But he couldn't bring himself to do it. Instead, he picked one just two doors down from Nya’s room.
He pulled open the door to a fairly large room, with a window at the end, overlooking the long drop from the mountain, clouds here and there. The floor was paneled with wood, with a wardrobe and dresser on the other side of the room. There was a table beside the huge mahogany bed, and parallel to it was a desk and computer.
The walls were a pale blue, resembling the dreary grey of the medical room in the absence of light. A large painting hung over the wall, displaying a conflict between a battalion of young human adults and serpentine. Two men led the procession of humans, flutes in their hands. One of them had stark white hair and the other had curly brown hair and red eyes. Behind them stood a woman in blue, with long black hair. She resembled Nya in a way. She had her eyes, her hair. Beside her was a man in red, dark spiky hair and a moustache. As Jay scanned over the numerous people, one of them caught his eye. She had long, wavy blonde hair and blue eyes. She was dressed in a pale blue gi, menacing smile on her face. She looked like she could take on any world.
“Jay?”
Jay’s head flipped back to Nya at the sound of her voice. He had been so engrossed in the painting that he hadn’t noticed her come in.
“Do you need a change of clothes? You know, for the night?”
Oh. Jay hadn’t realized how late it was. And he was too tired to bother with his usual attitude. Not to mention he felt safe around Nya. Comfortable.
And those are thoughts you shouldn’t be having, Jay.
Still, he couldn’t help himself when he said
“Uh- yeah sure.”
Oh, way to go Jay. Being comfortable around her just makes me awkward.
“Okay, I’ll get you some.” she said, walking away.
“Oh, and also,” she had a hand on the door now, turning back to look at him, “are you full? Like from the party? Because we have Chinese takeout I think.”
“No, I’m fine.” Jay said, ignoring the embarrassingly loud growl form his stomach that exact moment.
Nya laughed quietly, shaking her head and walking back to him.
“Well, clearly your stomach isn’t.”
“I-” She arched her eyebrow when he began to make a stupid remark, shutting him up. She grabbed his hand and all but pulled him out of the room. She stopped in front of her own, walking in and shuffling through her closet and eventually throwing him a shirt and pants which were definitely not hers.
“Now go change, and I’ll walk you to the kitchen.”
His theory was further proved when the clothes fit him perfectly. He came out the room to an awaiting Nya, smile on her face again. When she smiled, it was like her entire face glowed. Being around her when she was like this was exhilarating, like some sort of high. He followed her into the kitchen where all the ninja were sat at the table all in their own conversations. Llyod was taking to Zane and Cole while Kai was talking to Pixal.
Nya motioned for Jay to sit down, while she went to get them food. Jay scanned the table, and to his dismay, the only two empty seats were together, one being flanked by Cole and the other in the corner. Jay wanted to be as far away from Cole as he could get, so he picked the one on the corner. He could feel everyone’s gaze on him as he took his seat, but mostly he felt Cole’s sharp one. Jay looked up to meet his eyes. Cole’s face was a subtle warning, narrowed eyebrows as a nod to their previous conversation. Jay’d have to avoid him for now. After he blatantly stared at all the ninja, they averted his gaze.
Nya plopped down beside him a minute later, having retrieved two plates and a takeout box full of noodles.
“Too bad Chen’s is closed,” Nya commented casually, clearly meant for the whole table.
“Yeah,” Cole said, mouth half full of food. “Twas our favorite.”
“Cole, close your mouth when you eat.” Zane remarked annoyedly.
“I wish I could see Skylor again.” Kai sighed, staring at the wall as though lost in thought. “That fiery red hair, those green eyes. I miss her so-”
Llyod threw an empty takeout box at him.
“Lovesick sap.” He said, amusedly disgusted.
“Like you don’t talk about Harumi like a dog promised a treat,” Kai retorted, only to be ignored by Llyod and he went on.
“That reminds me, now that we’re kinda done with defeating people, we need a plan. We need to get Arin and Sora back, and we need to find all the people who’ve gone missing.”
“Perhaps,” a metallic voice commented, “we all take a break from all things ninja, at least for this weekend. We could catch up. I’m told I haven't been around a while.”
“Right as always, Pix.” Nya winked at her, and Pixal smiled sweetly back.
Jay didn’t quite know what to make of the ninja. Their interactions seemed so wholesome, like they were the doting family they claimed to be. They seemed to actually enjoy each other’s company, something which Jay knew was normal, but never in his memory had actually experienced around a group like this. Back in the administration there was your cliche office drama. Everyone who hated each other pretended to like them, and gossip flowed like a never-ending river. And with Ras, everything was a plan, a schedule, to aid him and him only. Even a risk was a meticulously planned, highly calculated risk. Ras only saw his company as objects; vessels he could use to reach his own goal.
So, watching the Ninja talk to each other as though they truly cared for each other was a foreign experience for Jay. He liked the feeling, catching himself sometimes laughing at their jokes, smiling when they did. The ninja weren’t like the others. They acted as though Jay being there was completely normal. They didn’t glare at him or pointedly talk behind his back. They seemed like open, welcoming people. And Jay was really tempted to give into the feeling of comfort.
But he put the thought out of his mind. Trust no one. No one but yourself. And always remember that the ninja were liars, like all those who had come before them. And if he got hurt somewhere along the way, it would be fine, because liars got what they deserved.
The only logical thing to do was to leave this stupid place. Why was he here anyway? But now that he was, he couldn’t bear to walk away for some reason. It wasn’t like he tried, but even thinking about leaving made his chest feel like two cinder blocks were crushing it.
Slowly everyone was done eating, and slowly they started to leave. It was Kai first, claiming he had to go check on Wyldfyre and Roby.
Roby... wasn’t that the guy from the tournament? Jay vaguely remembered seeing him at the party earlier, but why was he still here? And with the elemental master of heat?
“Don’t be a mom, Kai,” Nya drawled from her seat as Kai got up.
“I’m not a mom!” Kai said, offendedly.
“Oh please,” Llyod remarked, “Remember when you first saw Nya and Jay-”
Llyod stopped himself, snapping his mouth shut, but not before Jay saw Nya signaling him to stop from the corner of his eye.
Everyone’s gaze turned to him once again, the atmosphere tense. Weren’t these ninja going to get that he wasn’t buying their scams? For the time being, he just rolled his eyes and scoffed, not saying anything.
Soon after Kai left, Zane and Pixal announced they were going to bed and Llyod and Cole left to play video games. That left only Jay, Nya and some very awkward silence at the table. Nya was the one who broke it.
“So, what’ve you been up to since, you know, the tournament?” She asked, eyes going everywhere but to his.
“I became a sort of bounty hunter, I guess. It may be a sort of ugly job, but it pays well. Besides, I’m not the type to care about the morality of a situation.”
“Not the type to care about the morality? You sure are trying really hard to be stoic, aren’t you?” She chuckled.
“How dare you?” he played along, teasingly. “I don’t need to try. I’m naturally phlegmatic.”
“Big words from a not necessarily scary person.”
They went on like that for a while, and Jay had to admit he enjoyed her company. She was endearing in an unnoticeable type of way, recognizing his every emotion as though she knew him through and through. She knew when to change the subject, when to drag it on. He’d probably thought this before, but simple being around her made him feel as though he’d been filled with her glow.
While they talked, he noticed tiny details about her. The way she’d gesture with her hand, the way the beauty mark above her upper lip would stretch as she talked. She wasn’t really an eye-contact type of person, he recognised. He also noticed how she was being sort of closed up during their conversation, as though she was afraid to say the wrong thing. And although it shouldn’t have, although he should have been happy that someone feared pissing him off, it only made him feel bad that she didn’t feel comfortable around him. Not that she deserved to. He knew himself well, or he thought he did, and he wasn’t the type of person you could talk however you wanted to with. And he prided himself upon that. But it was different with her. There were just such simple yet complex things about him with regards to Nya, things that he himself couldn’t understand. There was a potent familiarity about Nya. A sort of never-ending Deja vu. From the way she talked to the way she carried herself; Jay couldn’t help but feel as though he’d been here before. In this position before. Swayed by her every word, a stranger who he’d had one conversation with before today. He wanted to make her smile. Make her laugh. Be the reason she was happy.
He knew somewhere in the back of his mind that he shouldn’t have been feeling like this. Feeling so strongly about her. Being dragged to her. But it felt like something that was inevitable, something he could not control. Something he could never control. The logical side of him was screaming, screaming at him to stop, to end this here, to make sure it never happens again by doing something stupid like snapping at her. But his impulses overtook his logic, and for the first time in a long time, he decided to follow them.
They talked and talked and talked. They talked about everything and nothing. It seemed like it would go on forever, and honestly, Jay couldn’t find any issues with that. Until, eventually, Nya yawned. And Jay shut up. And Nya noticed.
“Maybe we should get to bed,” he said, half-heartedly. He didn’t want this moment to end.
“Yeah,” she agreed. They walked back to their rooms in a comfortable silence, Nya waving goodbye to him at her door.
Jay walked into his room and sighed. He got into the bed and pulled up the plain blue quilt to his chest, trying to fall asleep. But he couldn’t.
Maybe it was his pony? He tugged at his hair tie, letting his curls flow loosely. He tried again. Tried a new position. Tried again. Tried another position. Tried again.
Eventually he gave up, reflecting on his long conversation with Nya, but not before thinking of Ras. Long nights like this, however happy, made him think of Ras. They were just like the long night Ras had broken into the administration and fed him lies, making Jay a stupid sort of dog, priding himself for things he never did, thinking he was a person he never was. Ras had just been so easy to believe. He’d made Jay feel like an experienced, glorified warrior. And that had made Jay feel good about himself. Jay had always suspected that he wasn’t a boring office worker before the merge. He never believed that the only thing he was good at was video games. And that was why Jay was so gullible when Ras had come. It was as though all the lies spewing from his mouth were fulfilling all of Jay’s dreams for the past two years.
And so he had gone with Ras. Lived with Ras. Trained under him. Believing him was almost as easy as being around Nya.
Wait. Shit.
There he’d gone again. Falling for thing he promised himself he would never fall for again. That was probably why Nya never met his eyes. Because she was lying. And he’d been so gullible. Again. Listening to stupid stories. Laughing along to stupid jokes. He had to remind himself that they were lying to him. He cursed himself silently. How could he have been so stupid?
Remember Jay. Everyone’s a liar. Trust no one.
Trust no one.
There it was again- that raspy voice. If he closed his eyes he could see oak wood planks on the floor, open sky which was moving, a hooked hand-
Suddenly panic shot through his spine. He opened his eyes and gasped, anxious somehow. He’d been hearing the voice for months now. It had a heavy accent, one Jay presumed was from his memories. And if he was hearing the voice so much, they must have meant something to Jay, right? So why was he currently on the bed, hand on his chest, trying to stop himself from breathing too hard?
He needed to know more. Jay had always, always, wanted his memories back. His real ones. Not coming from someone else’s mouth, but from his own head. So he had to follow through on this. At all costs.
Didn’t the ninja have a room here filled with his supposed things? Okay, they may have been lying about it, but they seemed so dedicated to the whole charade. Jay wouldn’t put it past them for them to know who he actually was before. To have stolen maybe a few things that did truly belong to him, place them in the room for him to recognize. Besides, his curiosity had piqued ever since he saw the room. He was too arrogant to go through it in front of the ninja, considering what he had said to Nya earlier.
Why not do it now? It was the perfect time. No one would be awake, and he could take his own sweet time. Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea. If he tried hard enough, he knew he’d be able to stop himself from doing it. But once he got a stupid idea it’d gnaw at him, eating him away until he finally did it.
So he did.
He slipped out of his room silently, and walked across the hallway to the door of ‘his’ room before creaking it open slightly.
Well, there’s no turning back now.
He opened the door to a room slightly larger than the one he was occupying. The walls were dark blue and there were photos everywhere. It was hard to see in the dim light, but Jay could make out photos of him with the ninja, more photos of him with the two strangers, and mostly, photos of him with Nya.
There were ones with both of them doing ridiculous poses, ones with her head on his shoulder, both smiling contentedly. There were silly photos and happy ones, and there were photos of just Nya, even portraits of her. Her with her hair down, her in a pink kimono, just her. There were more photos of Nya than of Jay himself. When Jay finally stopped examining the walls, he walked into the room and shut the door beside him, turning to see a big bed with a figure asleep on it, curled into a ball in a huge blue blanket with little lightning designs on it.
Nya.