Chapter Text
It was incredibly warm outside for midnight, especially in February. Still, there was snow dripping from the tree branches hanging out over the street and little shoots of grass that had poked their blades up a little too early and would, no doubt be obliterated within the next couple of nights by the bitter, late winter wind.
It was a Friday night and almost everyone was inside their dorms or at house parties off campus. Almost everyone, because walking down the pathways between the residences was a gruff looking student with broad shoulders and dark hair, wearing a windbreaker and jeans, grumbling to himself as the melting snow splattered from the trees onto the pavement around him.
Jaebum was on his way to one of the freshman’s dorms after receiving a garbled and frantic phone call informing him that his roommate was missing. Now, Jaebum and his roommate were not particularly close. They had been assigned to rooms with a shared bathroom by the university at the beginning of the year because neither of them had roommates and there were only double rooms available when they had applied. Jaebum’s previous roommate and best friend, Jinyoung, had decided that for his third year he wanted to be an RA and with the responsibilities of caring for the freshmen came a double room all to himself and this left Jaebum without a roommate. He spent so much time at the recording studio at the school that he decided it didn’t make much sense for him to live off campus. His new roommate had evidently thought the same thing because on moving day Jaebum was greeted with a large, boxy smile, fluffy cheeks that pushed angled eyes into little half moons and an excited, louder than strictly necessary “Hello! My names Youngjae and I’m going to be your roommate this year!” The boy, Youngjae he had said, then stuck out his hand for Jaebum to shake and waited for Jaebum to introduce himself.
“Jaebum.” He had said. Simple and to the point, he thought. Evidently Youngjae didn’t appreciate his succinctness because his smile started to drop from his face as an uncomfortable silence descended over the pair.
“Well, it was nice to meet you! you must be busy unpacking though so I’ll just leave you to it.” He said and with a quick bow goodbye, he scampered down the hall to his room and slipped inside.
They hadn’t really spoken much after that, exchanging pleasantries as Jaebum finished getting ready in their shared bathroom in the morning and Youngjae started. Well, more like Youngjae saying a sleepy good morning and Jaebum grunting in response. They didn’t really share any classes either. Despite both being music and voice majors, Jaebum was a year ahead of Youngjae. What really mattered was that Youngjae and Jaebum weren’t really friends. They got along fine but they weren’t close and honestly didn’t really know that much about one another besides sharing some of the same friends. Now Jaebum was on his way to some freshman named Yugyeom’s dorm at midnight on a Friday because of some ridiculous half drunken phone call. Jaebum was concerned, of course. There were about four things he knew about Youngjae. He had one of the most beautiful voices Jaebum had ever had the pleasure of hearing, he was ridiculously naive and sweet, like a little ball of sunshine, he had an incredibly difficult time waking up in the morning, no matter how much sleep he got, and he was a wanderer. It wasn’t hard to imagine the younger boy wandering around campus simply because something had caught his attention and he had followed it until he couldn’t find his way back to Yugyeom’s dorm room.
When he arrived at the dorm he had been directed to, he knocked on the door and waited for a response. He was just about to knock again when the door swung open revealing a stick of a man, tall and ridiculously skinny, eyebrows drawn together in concern.
“Hi. We are actually mid crisis right now so if you could come back later that would be swell.” the boy standing in the door way said. Just then another boy came around the door to see who was out side. He was taller than the first and much broader with a lot more muscle.
“Oooooooh shit! You must be Jaebum!” He exclaimed reaching out for a hand shake. “I almost forgot we called you. We were in such a panic about Youngjae. I’m Yugyeom and this is Kunpimook, but most people just call him Bam Bam.” Bam Bam narrowed his eyes, but held out his hand for Jaebum to shake as well. “Come in, come in!” Yugyeom said wobbling a little as he made his way back into the room beckoning for Jaebum to follow.
There were bottles of soju in little clusters all around the couch and The Avengers was paused on the television. “What exactly happened here?” Jaebum asked. He turned to look at the other two, standing side by side. Yugyeom had his arm wrapped around Bam Bam’s waist, and Bam Bam’s fingers were tangled in the back of Yugyeom’s shirt, eyes still narrowed at Jaebum.
“Well, the three of us were just drinking and watching a movie and Bam Bam and I got…” Yugeom’s eyes darted down to Bam Bam’s lips and then back up to Jaebum. “Distracted.”
“Next thing we know, we look up and Youngjae is gone.” Bam Bam finishes. “And, like, it’s normal for him to go wandering when he’s been drinking but he always makes sure to text us where he’s going and to text us when he gets home. Normally he goes to Jackson and Mark’s house to play with their dog but after about an hour of nothing we phoned them and they said they hadn’t seen him.”
“So then we called you to see if he had gone home—“
“ But he wasn’t there.” Jaebum says. “Exactly! So now we have no idea where he could be. Jackson and Mark have a car so they're looking at all his favourite spots around town.”
Jaebum sighed. The underlying current of worry he had felt when he was walking over was slowly rising to the forefront of his thoughts. Sure, he and Youngjae weren’t friends but he didn’t want the little ball of sunshine to die.
“Okay, let’s split up. Yugeom start at one end of the campus and I’ll start at the other and Bam Bam can stay here just in case he comes back. I’ll call my friend Jinyoung and get him to wait at my room in case he goes there.”
And with that Jaebum found himself walking around the far end of the campus dialing Jinyoung’s phone number and waiting for him to answer. Jinyoung was less than happy about being disturbed that late at night having just returned from the library but when Jaebum filled him in on the situation his annoyance immediately turned to worry. He agreed to wait at Jaebum’s dorm just in case Youngjae showed up.
With that out of the way Jaebum began to focus on the task at hand. He was pacing down the sidewalk when he heard a faint but unmistakably familiar melody weaving through the air. He turned his head trying to pinpoint the sound. The campus gardens. He should have guessed.
He pushed the gate to the gardens open and followed the melody as it lead him under the canopy of trees with the beginnings of blossoms pushing out due to the warmth of the air and despite the snow. Some flowers had even begun to bloom. Hints of purple, yellow, orange and blue peeked out of the melting snow, glistening in the light of the full moon. Jaebum could see why Youngjae had come hear. The soft murmur of the little stream that ran through the gardens and the sweet musky scent of early blooming lavender soothed away the tension and stress that Jaebum hadn’t even known was there.
As he followed the sweet melody into a little clearing the last of his tension faded away. The unmistakable silhouette of Youngjae sitting next to a little pond making him breath out a sigh of relief. He quickly texted Yugyeom that he had found Youngjae and turned off his phone. He walked up as quietly as he could, trying not to startle the boy. When Jaebum crouched down next to him, Youngjae didn’t even look over, too preoccupied with watching the little koi fish circle around each other in the moonlit pond. Eventually Youngjae fell silent. They just sat like that for a while. Jaebum crouching, watching Youngjae, waiting for him to say something, not wanting to break whatever spell had descended on this little clearing. And Youngjae watched the fish.
Suddenly he pointed to one and said, “That one is you.” It was the biggest fish in the pond. Mostly black with little gold speckles along its back and fins. “And that one is your friend. Jinyoung, right?” he said, pointing at a slightly smaller fish that was mostly orange with big white patches around its head. His fish and the Jinyoung fish were swimming close together, around and around, scooping up all the algae and insects in that area in their weird gaping mouths. Jaebum decided to play along. From where he was crouching he pointed to two mostly orange fish with matching white patches on opposite sides of their faces swimming close together. “Those two are Yugyeom and Bam Bam, then.” And Youngjae smiled at him, making eye contact for the first time that night. Suddenly, a bigger white fish leapt through the air snapping at the bugs that hovered over the pond. Youngjae laughed as the spray hit him in the face, cheeks pushing his eyes up into little crescents.
“That one’s Jackson.” said Youngjae as another smaller fish jumped even higher into the air. “And that one is Mark!” Jaebum would question how drunk Youngjae was if it weren't for the incredible accuracy of everything he was saying. He had met Jackson and Mark a couple of time because they were in the same year as him and Mark was dating Jinyoung. Plus they were dance majors so their classes took place in the same building.
Jaebum shrugged off his jacket and spread it on the ground, sitting as he asked, “So which fish are you?”
Youngjae immediately sobered up, smile dropping from his face at the speed of light as Youngjae pointed to the pond.
“That one.”
Jaebum followed the direction of Youngjae’s outstretched arm squinting to see further into the inky depths of the pond where even the moonlight didn’t reach. Resting just on the edge of the blackness, close to the bottom of the pond was a little white fish. It moved slowly through the water, almost lethargic in its movement. Where the other fish preferred to stay near the shore just in case a student happened to drop some tasty treats into the water, this little fish stayed in the depths by itself.
Jaebum continued to watch the little fish, trying to figure out what it was about it that reminded Youngjae of himself. As it swam out of the darkness and tried to approach the other fish they all just sort of swam away, staying in their little pairs leaving the little white fish all alone. Jaebum turned to look at Youngjae only to see him rubbing furiously at his eyes trying to prevent the tears that were threatening to spill over. Jaebum felt an odd sense of protectiveness well up inside his chest and reached out toward Youngjae, laying a hand on the back of his neck, rubbing gently. Tears continued to spill down Youngjae’s cheeks as he sniffled and took shaky, hiccupping breaths tried to calm himself down. Jaebum didn’t know what to say so he just pulled Youngjae into his side, arm wrapped around his shoulder waiting for him to speak. Youngjae’s entire body was cold, despite the relatively warm weather, leaving Jaebum to wonder how long Youngjae had been out there before Yugyeom and Bam Bam had noticed. Another surge of protectiveness welled up inside him as Youngjae turned his head and snuggled closer into Jaebum’s side seeking warmth and comfort as his tears started to subside and his breathing started to even out.
“You know it isn’t really like that, right?” Jaebum asked.
“I know.” Youngjae practically whispered, face still buried in Jaebum’s neck. “Sometimes it just feels like everyone is paring off and I’ll be left alone. You know, like one day all my friends are gonna go out and get married and I’ll just be waiting there to be someones first choice.” Youngjae’s voice starts to wobble again and Jaebum can’t do anything but hold him tight. “And I know it’s not their fault. You can’t control who you fall in love with. It’s not their fault that I’ll never be anyones first choice so why do I still feel this way? I every minute I spend around Bam Bam and Yugyeom I feel worse and worse.”
“So you ran away?” Jaebum asks, a little incredulous because all of the times he’s been around Youngjae he seemed nothing but smiles and vocal skill coupled with a charming naivety about his own talents that made him humble beyond belief. Jaebum would never have suspected that he worried about these kinds of things.
Youngjae finally pulls his head away from Jaebum’s neck and he immediately misses the warmth. “It’s ridiculous I know. I don’t even really know you! I’m pretty sure you hate me and now I’ve gone gotten my tears all over your shirt. This is why I shouldn’t drink.”
Jaebum cocked his head to the side. “I don’t hate you. Granted I don’t really know you but I certainly don’t hate you. Why would you think that?”
Youngjae looks genuinely surprised at this. “Well, you always seem so grumpy when I try to talk to you so I thought it was just your personality but your always laughing with Jinyoung and even Mark and Jackson. So I figured it must just be me.”
“Have you been actively avoiding me then?”
“Well I just figured it would be easier for everyone if I just stayed out of your hair. That way you wouldn’t have to be so angry all the time. I tried to switch rooms but they said that everything was full so…”
Jaebum laughed a little at this. No wonder he never saw his roommate. “Lets start over okay? Hi. My name is Im Jaebum. I’m a third year student and I study music and voice. What about you?”
“Choi Youngjae. Second Year and I study music and voice as well.”
They sat together on Jaebum’s windbreaker in the melting snow talking about mundane things and getting to know each other better. Jaebum learned that Youngjae played the piano and in return he told Youngjae about his past b-boying. They fell into companionable silence as the sun began to rise over their heads, painting the sky with cotton candy pinks and lavender purples. It was in that silence that Jaebum heard the faint sound of snoring and he realized that Youngjae had fallen asleep on his shoulder. Jaebum shifted as gently as he could with out disturbing his roommate, scooping him up into his arms along with his windbreaker. Youngjae was small and light and the walk to their dorm was less than five minutes so Jaebum carried him to their dorm as the sun continued to rise and the little birds began to sing.
When Jaebum arrived at his dorm with Youngjae in his arms he knocked on his own door and waited for Jinyoung to open it for him. The door swung open to reveal Jinyoung, tired eyes and messy hair. Once he saw Youngjae in Jaebum’s arms he stepped out of the way and let Jaebum place Youngjae on the bed. Once Youngjae was settled Jinyoung immediately started fussing over him, tucking the blanket tightly around him and saying he was going to make tea for both of them. Youngjae could have his when he woke up. It couldn’t be good for anyone to stay out all night in the snow and with that he was gone and Jaebum was left alone with Youngjae’s sleeping form curled up in his bed.
Jaebum looked at Youngjae’s peaceful sleeping face. It belied none of the worries that he had confessed the previous night. He could never mention it again and everything could go right back to the way it was before. But Jaebum didn’t want it to go back. Jaebum had found out that he genuinely liked Youngjae and it was becoming increasingly important that he know that there were people who cared about him. Not to mention the boy was simply adorable and they had a lot in common. He deserved to be loved and cared for and as the sunlight streamed through a little gap in the curtains and flittered across Younjae’s face Jaebum realized that he might be falling a little bit in love.
“Oh well,” He thought. “That is another problem for another day.” and Jaebum promptly fell asleep in the big armchair in the corner of the room.