Chapter Text
Three years missing...
The knock on her door startled her out of her sleep, but when reality sank in and Sharon realized she was in her bed alone, she settled back down and pulled the covers over her head. The knock came again, and she let out a groan.
“Sharon!” The visitor’s voice rang out. Instantly, she knew it was Andrea Hobbs. “I know you are in there Sharon, open up.”
She rolled over and looked at the clock. It was half past noon. She had taken the day off. Everyone knew why, no one had questioned it. In fact, they all knew to give her an extremely wide berth today and this week in general.
“Sharon!” Pounding on the door this time. Sharon knew she wasn’t going to go away.
She rolled over and out of bed, not bothering to put on a robe or comb down her hair. She decided her pajamas would just have to suffice. She clicked the lock on the door just as Andrea was starting to knock again. Sharon swung the door open and found a startled DDA Hobbs standing there looking at her in shock. Sharon figured she must look worse than she thought, but she wasn’t going to defend herself. Not today.
“What do you want, Andrea?”
“I, uh—were you still sleeping?” Andrea scrunched her eyebrows together and tilted her head slightly.
“Yes. What is so urgent?!” Sharon’s patience was wearing thinner than the thin sheet of ice it already was today.
“I went by the office. Provenza said you were out today, and I realized…well today—I uh…I thought I would come by and see if you wanted company.” Andrea shrugged when she finished blabbering her way through.
It was nice that Andrea cared. But no. She wanted to spend the day wallowing and crying and sleeping. It was the one day this year she was going to allow it to just consume her. Yes, all the other days hurt like hell too, but she pushed through. She managed. She went to work, she did her job, she usually ate, she acted normal all the other days. Today…today was what allowed her to be normal the rest of the time. This year she was going to force it to be just today because at six months, Sharon had told Pope to kiss her ass and fire her if he wanted, but she wasn’t giving up her search. She let it consume her every minute of the day those first six months. On the first year’s anniversary, she had been crippled with grief when this week came along. Emily had even flown out to try to help or at least make her eat, it hadn’t gone so well. The second year, she cried for three days straight and thought about eating her gun. This year she had vowed to only allow herself this one day. It wasn’t for her sake, but for the people around her. If they thought she was fine except this one day then it made it easier to hide the pain and depression the rest of the year.
“No, thank you.” Sharon started to shut the door, but Andrea stuck her hand out preventing it from moving.
“Sharon, we’ve been friends a long time. Why won’t you let me be here for you for this?” It was a valid question, Sharon knew that, but she didn’t want to do this. Not right now. She wanted to get back in bed and cry herself back to sleep.
“We can talk tomorrow, Andrea.” She pushed harder on the door, but Andrea wasn’t going to budge. That pissed Sharon off. She didn’t want to be pushed into to talking or sharing or whatever the fuck it was Andrea wanted her to do. “Move, Andrea. I don’t want to talk.”
Andrea shook her head. “It’s been three years Sharon. You can’t keep doing this to yourself…”
“Don’t!” Sharon practically screamed. If her throat didn’t hurt so much from crying she might’ve been able to get more volume. “I know how long it’s been! I don’t need you or anyone else to fucking tell me how long it’s been! My heart breaks a little more every minute they are gone because there’s not a single fucking thing I can do about it. Every anniversary, birthday, holiday, happy or sad moment, I die a little more knowing that they aren’t here to see those things or to take part in anything. I can’t hold them when they’re sick, or hug them just because I missed them all day when I was at work, or celebrate a single fucking thing about their lives or mine for that matter. So, thanks Andrea. Thanks for coming by, but we can talk TOMORROW if you still want to talk.”
With that Sharon just walked away, leaving Andrea holding the door. She went back to her bedroom, slamming and locking the door behind her as she collapsed down into the bed, the tears already flowing.
Well ok , Andrea thought as she moved into Sharon’s house and closed the door. She looked around the living room in shock. The usually very orderly condo was nothing like it had been a few days ago when she was over for dinner. There were two empty wine bottles on the coffee table sitting next to a half empty scotch bottle, pictures thrown about on the coffee table and the couch, throw pillows on the floor. Andrea moved to the kitchen to find a very shocking scene. Covering the large window was a big white bed sheet with a timeline on it. There were pictures, newspaper clippings, evidence reports, and many other documents attached to the sheet. It looked as though Sharon had set up an investigation board in her kitchen, much like the ones that they used in the murder room to solve crimes.
Andrea shook her head and moved closer. In the middle of the board was a picture of Brenda and Rusty. They were smiling and had their arms wrapped around each other. Andrea remembered that day fondly. It was two weeks before they went missing…
All of Major Crimes and the DA’s investigation unit had gotten together at a park for what Brenda had called a family BBQ. Brenda and Rusty had set the whole thing up. She had convinced Sharon that it would be good for morale and to ensure the two teams continued to work well together. Sharon and her sense of occasion hadn’t taken much convincing though from what Andrea remembered. The fact that Emily and Ricky had flown in should have been suspicious enough, but Sharon had just been so genuinely happy to see them that she didn’t even question it.
It was late in the afternoon when Brenda stood up and captured everyone’s attention.
“Thank y’all so much for comin’ today. I know you’ve got better things to do on a Saturday, but it means a lot for me to have my friends and family here.” She moved around the picnic table until she was right behind Sharon. “My life here in LA has taken some strange turns. We’ve definitely had some ups and downs. Many times, for me, it’s felt like there are more downs than ups. But for the past few years, I’ve been ridin’ a wave of happiness.” Brenda looked around and smiled at everyone—a big goofy grin. It was almost out of character how giddy she seemed. “I changed jobs, lost about 210 pounds,” she paused for everyone to laugh at the joke about Fritz leaving her, “Got to know a certain Captain better.” She reached for Sharon’s hand and pulled until the blushing woman stood up too. “Sharon made me realize how much life I had been missin’. She made me feel complete. She gave me a family with three successful and grown kids.” She winked at Sharon, “Thanks for doin’ all the hard work darlin’.” Everybody chuckled and some even clapped.
“Don’t get me wrong between her and Rusty, sometimes I wanna bang my head against a wall.” Everyone chuckled at that. “But I love ‘em. I love them more than I’ve ever loved anyone else in my whole life.” Rusty beamed up at her and nodded—he knew the plan and it showed how happy he was. Even Emily reached over and squeezed Ricky’s shoulder. “I know for a fact I never want to face another day without Sharon in my life.” She looked around smiling at everyone again, realization was dawning on many faces. Brenda then locked eyes with Sharon’s bright green, piercing ones that had narrowed slightly as she tried to figure out exactly where this speech was going. “Sharon Raydor, you are the love of my life. You are the one that I think about when I wake up and the one that I dream of at night. You’re the only one that could make me say all of these sappy things and not give a damn who hears.” Brenda got down on one knee and Rusty tossed her a little box, which she opened and presented to Sharon. “I never want you to doubt my commitment, I never want you to feel alone, I never want you to face somethin’ without knowing you can count on me for back-up again. Sharon, I want to spend the rest of my life worshippin’ you and making you happy. Will you marry me?”
Sharon looked around and then at Rusty who was nodding vehemently, Emily who was smiling from ear to ear, and Ricky who gave her a big thumbs up. She then looked at Brenda there on the ground in front of her, holding a simple ring in a simple black box. It all seemed right and she nodded, “Yes, Brenda Leigh, of course.”
Brenda sprang to her feet and they embraced tightly. Everyone was on their feet clapping and cheering them on.
Andrea had been shocked that day by the proposal, but it had also seemed so right. Those two had fought through a lot of adversity and had overcome a lot of obstacles together. It was clear before that day—anyone could have looked at them and known—they were meant to be together. Even Andrea, who fell for Sharon years ago, was happy for them.
Two weeks later, Stroh escaped from custody and Brenda and Rusty disappeared. Presumed kidnapped and most likely dead. There had been no video evidence of the crime, no ransom, no phone calls, no sign of Stroh, no bodies to be identified or claimed. Nothing. One day they were out shopping for Sharon’s birthday present and then poof, they were gone. For three years now. The LAPD, FBI, US Marshals, and many other agencies had searched and searched—all turned up with nothing.
Sharon had her whole life ripped apart. The woman she loved was torn away two weeks after their engagement. Her son was missing and probably dead. No one could blame her, but she sure as hell blamed herself. Every minute Sharon wasn’t at work, she was pursuing leads on the disappearances. Over the years, those leads had more or less turned into calling morgues and searching online morgue records to try to at least find their bodies. Not even Emily and Ricky had been able to convince her to give up searching.
Sometimes, on the rare occasion when Sharon spoke about Brenda and Rusty, it seemed as though she still held out hope that they were alive, but the majority of the time Andrea noticed the use of past tense when she referred to them.
Andrea really missed her friend. She was still in love with Sharon, but she missed the woman Sharon was before all of this happened. The one that used to cook delicious meals for dinner parties and serve decadent wine. The one that could steal the show with a little smirk and quip of the tongue. The woman that held her own in a room full of angry officers. The strong one in their relationship, not that Sharon wasn’t the strong one still 364 days out of the year. Andrea missed Sharon and Sharon wasn’t even the one missing. This experience had changed her though. So down to the core that Andrea knew she might never get her friend back. Andrea had tried to convince her to move on, but it had practically fallen on deaf ears. Even after a night of holding Sharon and offering her comfort when the woman seemed to be falling apart hadn’t changed anything. Sharon loved Brenda. Plain and simple. And there was no competing with that for Andrea.
There was nothing new on this board. It was all years and months old information. Andrea wondered where Sharon hid it most of the time. She wished there was something she could do to help Sharon move on, to move past this. Andrea worried that if they never found them or if they never caught Stroh, Sharon would just continue to disintegrate before all of their eyes. There would be no stopping her, they would just have to watch her suffer and continue to break down little by little.
Everyone had tried to talk to her, to get her to move past the pain and the not knowing. Sometimes Sharon was fine, but she was never more than fine. Occasionally, she went out with Andrea, Fernando, or Gavin; sometimes with the team to celebrate, but she never seemed really happy anymore. When Emily and Ricky were in town she was better, but even they had told Andrea that their mom was different, that she had changed. Her eyes didn’t have the same light, she kept her armor up all the time. Andrea knew it had to be exhausting. Sharon had threatened to quit the LAPD when Pope had forced her into counseling. Before this happened, she had been such an advocate for mental health care.
When she was drunk one night, she admitted on the phone that she knew if she let a counselor prod at all the broken pieces of her heart she would probably just want to die. Since then, everyone seemed to just accept this was how Sharon was going to be until she decided something should change. Everyone but Andrea.
Andrea looked around once more, today wasn’t the day for her to fight this battle. Today things were too raw and hurt Sharon too badly. She would come back tomorrow and try again because no matter how much pain this caused her, it was worse for Sharon and that was just something Andrea had to try to fix. She quietly slipped out of the condo, locking the door behind her as she went.