Chapter Text
It didn’t hit all at once. At first, it felt more like a creeping fog, or just exhaustion. I didn’t realize that it had started, more focused on my ever-increasing pile of work. No matter how much paperwork I went through, it never ended, even after I divided the work between the Undersiders. No one was allowed to complain, especially when I’d taken the time to teach them how to do it themselves.
In between all this work, I’d sent messages to both Imp and Weaver about the upcoming reunion. Her code name still sent a pang through my body, so I tried to think of anything else. And yet my thoughts kept spiraling back to her. I could feel the shiver spreading across my body, making me feel a yearning I hadn’t known I could feel, bubbling within me with a ferocity I didn’t know I had.
Pushing it down was my usual method to deal with this, just burying it as deeply as I could. I tried, not understanding what was happening across my body. All the hormones ran rampant, and desire clouded my thoughts. I hated that—how my body refused to let me have some measure of control over it.
What I had was merely a misunderstanding over my own thoughts, even as I placed my strong feelings toward her into neat little boxes. This way, I didn’t need to wonder about them. I kept thinking I only missed seeing and being close to Taylor—but the mere thought of meeting with her allowed everything I’d thought I managed to bottle up to run rampant.
Soon. She’d be here tomorrow. I tried to convince myself of that.
Any other day, and that would have been enough. I’d go back to my paperwork to find some scraps of calm for myself. But right now? It was all I could do just to focus—and yet my work blurred in front of my eyes, the words melting into one another like a slurry. I was too distracted.
Maybe I should do a little exercise. I tried to stand up—and that was when I felt it.
Wetness slipped out of me, from my pants to the chair, and my sight spun the moment I managed to put both of my feet under me. Fog swallowed my thoughts—another bad sign—especially as I struggled to find the right words to form coherent thoughts.
I knew what this was. What it meant. This was my heat. I’d gone into heat.
Shouldn’t my suppressant stop this? My handle on my power was looser than usual—considering how focus was becoming increasingly hard to keep—so I held on to the table, trying my best to not wobble and fall, all my instincts screaming at me. They were unfamiliar, as I’d never allowed myself to be this vulnerable again after experiencing it the first time, but there wasn’t any more choice now.
Recent events distracted Lisa-self. Missed last three daily doses.
This was unfair. I tried to let out a choked scream, but all that came out was a weak moan. The sound was so needy, a whine that would’ve forced any weak-willed Alpha to fall into a frenzy. I shuddered at the thought, revulsion and nausea becoming the strongest feelings within me. And yet, I was also relieved, considering my past decision to keep my minions as far away as possible. They were still close enough to be called, but for my current purposes… This was good enough.
Just to be safe, I needed to ensure they were even further away. While I couldn’t pin down how far would be the best, I was sure it’d be better the more distance we had. My sight fell onto the laptop again, but all I saw were letters and sentences jumbled together into a blurry shape I had no hope of understanding. My body was also distracting me, each brush of my shirt and pants exciting light pleasure across my nerves. That made it hard even to move my fingers the way I wanted them to, especially for typing out the right words.
I lost track of how long it took, but I finally sent the message in the end. Everyone would get the next few days off, to come back in a week, at the fastest. I didn’t want to take any chances. There was a reason I’d taken suppression tablets after my first heat. I hated the way the fever and desperation would hit me all at once—desire and want fusing together into a bottomless chasm in my stomach.
But that didn't matter. I just… I needed to ride it out. It didn’t matter that my last experience was three years ago. It should be fine. I’d been through worse, even if it was hard to remember what that might’ve been.
The heat swept across my body, making me shiver, even though the room wasn’t that cold. I forced myself to stand up, swaying slightly as dizziness assaulted me. Something wet slowly dribbled out of me—and the disgusting feeling of the fabric sticking to my skin just made me feel worse—but I couldn’t take my pants off just yet. Not until I’d made my nest. I just needed a pile of soft and safe blankets to lay in.
Looking around, I started with my office. It was more of a sterile environment, filled with technology and information. I tried to note if there was anything I could use to soothe myself, even for a moment. The only things I could find were the cold cabinet for my physical documents, my PC tower, and various monitors I’d been using. There was also a cork board to help me settle the information in my head, and even a whiteboard for me to write on, but there wasn't anything soft. Not a single soft blanket or mattress or pillow I could drag and pile together.
Inadvertently, I opened my mouth to inhale the scents in the air—trying to pick up on anything that might work—but I could only smell the sharp scent of machinery and the acrid scent of inks, making me gag. The humming sound of the computer made me try to dampen it with my hands around my ears, but that didn’t help. I had to hurry up, to get to my bedroom. My symptoms were becoming worse.
I had another reason too, of course. There was an old shirt I’d stolen from her, full of her floral scent that reminded me of tea. Whenever things became too much, I’d sometimes take it out. Even just a little whiff was pleasant enough to soothe me whenever things were too much.
But mainly… I knew the shirt would help me, especially right now.
The fog had crept further by the time I finally arrived back in my room. I barely remembered to kick my door closed behind me as I immediately ran to my wardrobe—almost stumbling to get there—all to grab the most important thing in there: the shirt.
I’d kept it as safe and well-hidden as possible, folded and placed separate from the rest by putting it under lock and key. I fumbled in my pocket to find said key, becoming frustrated when I couldn’t find it. It took me a few seconds before I could grasp it, and when I did, I immediately pushed it into the lock to open the secret drawer.
I gripped it, holding it tight—and immediately buried my nose within it—just letting myself be swallowed by her scent. It had weakened over the past two years, but there was still enough of a floral note for me to relax. Black tea, freshly brewed. Shivers ran down my spine as I breathed deeper. The tension all over my body started to loosen.
When I took another, deeper breath, for a moment I could’ve sworn I heard her voice telling me she would be a wonderful alpha and—no. I shook my head, cutting off that wonderful hallucination.
It worked, if only for a moment, but I couldn’t let myself be swallowed within the heat just yet. My mouth and throat were parched, the blaze of my desire having dried them out. I tried my best to keep as lucid as possible by holding her shirt close to me, sniffing it every time my thoughts drifted. Before the heat completely overtook me, I had to grab anything and everything I’d need for the duration. I thought over who I’d contact to send me some food and water. Not a mercenary, but surely one of the Undersiders would help?
Rachel might be okay to help me without further strings, but—no. If I had to pick one of them… she wouldn’t be my choice. Besides, I wasn’t up for talking right now, and she wouldn’t respond to a text.
I still needed to contact someone, though, and my phone should’ve been somewhere in my pockets. The memories were hazy, but patting around my pants let me discover what I wanted. It was more by muscle memory than actual conscious thought that I sent a message, and I only sent it to one person. I trusted them. They should be able to handle me—even at my worst.
After that, I threw the phone away from me, trusting that it would survive the fall. Before it even hit the floor, I started to walk around my bedroom to gather everything soft I could get my hands on. I’d need them to get through this heat. Pillows, bolsters, the mattress—all of them were taken and thrown into a pile. They became a nest I could find comfort in, and for my alpha—no. I didn’t need one.
I gritted my teeth, painstakingly fighting off the fog. The seductive whisper to just give myself up—to keen and beg for anyone to take me—was strangled again and again. I’d survived for years without heat, without any alphas strutting about, and I wasn’t about to give up now.
I had no need for anyone, not really. Or at least that was what I told myself.
Nonetheless, my nest was built, and I laid within, finding the snug and soft surroundings allowed me to feel safe. Comfortable, I grasped the shirt tightly in my hold. It was my focus, the only thing that allowed me to feel better in this shitty situation. I whimpered, pressing it against my chest, as my other hand started to roam down my body.
Logic was becoming hard to hold on to, but I didn’t need it right now. I could let myself go. It should be fine. I’d sent messages to the people who needed it, and there shouldn’t be anyone else who’d disturb me. Not unless they wanted their future to be cut very, very short.
I let myself sink, and the world turned into a haze of need and emptiness deep in my gut, unable to do more than use my own fingers.
Hours passed as I continued to pleasure myself under the fog of my demanding heat. My fingers weren’t enough. They never were, but I’d forgotten how terrible it felt to be like this, to constantly need and never be satisfied. I bit into one of my pillows, burying my face while lifting my back just a little higher—desperate and wanting—and yet I knew my need would go unfulfilled. My moans filled the room, one of my hands still tightly holding on to the shirt.
The one that smelt of tea. The only anchor I had.
At some point, I’d hurriedly taken off both my shirt and pants, leaving me naked. All my focus fell back to the shirt, and the scent filled my lungs as I continued to drag my fingers over my body, over and over. I pushed them inward until my wrist ached, forcing more pleasure on myself, and yet I was still left unfulfilled. It wasn’t enough, only serving to pull out more whimpers from my throat. A call that would go unanswered, since I’d spent hours alone without a reply.
But that was about to change. A buzzing noise made me perk up, the familiarity taking all my focus, automatically narrowing to the door. I pushed away some of my piled beddings so I’d have a clearer look; to get the last clue I needed to know.
Insects hummed, a veritable swarm gathering around and within my room. They came from all over the place, a few even landing on top of my body, across my limbs and neck. I swallowed back the shudder that passed through me—my skin felt so sensitive—and they immediately flew away again, hiding themselves. But not well enough that I wouldn’t know they were there and watching.
Familiar noise, insects moving unnaturally. Taylor Hebert will arrive soon.
My heart beat faster, and my first instinct was to stomp down the feelings that were bubbling up to the surface. And I would have been able to, if I were in any other situation than this—my first day of heat after a long while.
All I could think to do was wait, and to listen as the insects continued their ramble—their sound now a comfort. They meant Taylor was keeping watch. The nervous tension that had filled my stomach dissolved away the moment I knew she was the one coming to see me.
Not anyone else, just Taylor.
I nuzzled into the shirt again, my eyes falling closed as I inhaled her scent. I waited, wishing that she’d already be right there in front of me. I needed to have Taylor next to me, nuzzling the crook of my neck while I was doing the same to her. Those thoughts pushed the pleasure to greater heights. A rush of liquid dripped out from between my legs.
All my wants and desires were building, growing stronger with every second that passed.
“Lisa!” Taylor shouted from outside. “I got your message… are you sure I should come in?” She sounded slightly out of breath, like she’d been running as fast as she could from wherever she parked the airship—the one she’d gotten from Dragon and Defiant.
Warmth bloomed in my chest as I realized that she’d done that for me—that the moment I’d asked, she’d immediately rushed back. Before I answered her, I took a few deep breaths to clear my head. The fog was so thick it was hard to think properly.
The heat continued to prove itself stronger than my attempts to control it, as the arousal burned any other thoughts from my head. I was left with only the focus on the present, knowing how I’d shifted myself into a more compromised position—something that’d purposefully draw Taylor’s attention. I fixed that immediately, when I realized, but I felt more of my arousal drip out from me as I moved, squelching sounds making me wince.
Even with our distance, every inhale brought me hints of Taylor’s scent. The floral notes of tea slowly seeped into the room—not just centered in the shirt I was holding—and kept growing stronger as Taylor lingered. It wasn’t as good as if she’d been next to me, but the fact she was here at all had my body on edge. There was a willing alpha right there. Not just any alpha—someone I wanted—and that I knew was safe.
“Get in here now, Taylor. Or I swear I’ll fucking die.” The words stumbled out of me before I realized I’d said them. The easiest way to make her come inside.
Minutes passed in silence—or maybe it’d merely been a few seconds—before Taylor slammed my door open. I saw her, standing straight as she stared back at me. Her Weaver costume was far more obvious than before. There were more colors than she’d ever had as Skitter, and her face was bare, missing her mask. That’d been thrown somewhere in her haste to get to me. She froze the moment after she stumbled in while the door closed behind her without a sound. Nothing could stop her as she took deep, slow breaths. As she took my scent in.
I’d never known how I smelled to her, and right now, I couldn’t really care enough to ask. Not when she was right in front of my eyes, still inhaling as deeply as she could, gathering my heat into her lungs. I knew what that meant, as her body instinctively responded and her scent grew stronger, saturating the room. Now it was more than tea. There was something else there, but I could only get hints of it since she was still too far away. Even that little was tantalizing.
“Taylor,” I whimpered, shifting slightly within my nest to give her more of my own sweet scent.
I knew that would affect her, in the back of my mind, but my focus was stuck on this growing desire. That Taylor should come closer instead of just standing there, unnaturally still. A flush dusted her cheeks, her body answering my siren call.
My senses narrowed on an undertone of tanginess in the air—Taylor. She just smelled so much better than the shirt. I was still holding on to it, my grip not letting up even for a moment. I had, of course, sniffed at it again for comparison, doing that so obviously in front of her. She couldn’t help but watch what I was doing.
The aroma of lavender started to blend into my awareness, and I only just realized that had to have been from me. Our scents blended together into something far sweeter that made me feel even more, a stronger heat pulsing in my core. Part of me preened, but another, bigger part knew I couldn’t rely on the shirt again, now that I’d experienced this. That worry easily slipped away, though, as I discarded the shirt—uncaring of where it landed—and instead focused on the more pressing matter. A mere knockoff wasn’t worth much when the real thing was right there in front of me.
I took note of everything, but especially Taylor. She was still breathing heavily, her chest expanding and deflating a little too fast as she tried to calm herself down. Silence filled the space between us as I kept watch, desire smoldering in my stomach.
Taylor’s here.
Her scent answered mine with a strength that made me tremble. I gasped within my nest, gripping the comforters tightly. Maybe my addled mind caused what I did next—or maybe it was all because I’d tried to bury everything I felt, and now this was just a consequence.
“Taylor, you better get the hell over here,” I ordered, voice low and sharp as I glared right at her; the alpha. My want for her to be here, and my desire for Taylor to be even closer, mingled together. I couldn’t hold the floodgates shut any longer.
Taylor walked right up to me, face to face, barely realizing what she’d done. A tension all across my body—which I hadn’t even noticed—relaxed as I saw that, because it meant Taylor would stay. She hadn’t tried to leave, and that meant she wanted the same thing as me.
Her eyes smoldered with intensity, joined by all the insects she’d commanded into the room as every single one of them turned their gaze upon my body. My naked body. Freckles dusted across my pale skin, marks she studied with wonder in those eyes. My stomach flipped as Taylor inhaled deeper, drawing more of myself into her lungs—but then she tensed, preparing herself to speak.
“Shouldn’t I keep far away from you?” Her voice trembled. She tried to hold herself back, but I could tell she didn’t really want that. Her desire dripped so clearly from her words. She swallowed—trying her best to push that down—but her eyes were still stuck on me, drinking me in, and that made me want to flaunt more of myself.
I’d expose myself more. I’d make Taylor go further, so she’d stop holding herself back on my behalf.
Those two impulses echoed inside my mind, especially as Taylor kept wanting to draw back. Only my words stopped her from just running off, because despite everything, Taylor didn’t want to force me into anything.
In front of me, I pushed the wall of blankets aside, creating an opening for Taylor. An invitation. One so incredibly clear that even Taylor should get it. Any other alpha could’ve just walked over the nest’s edge—but not Taylor. She’d respected it. So I had to knock that away too.
She gulped—her body still frozen in place, so far away—but her bugs were agitated, buzzing angrily from the emotional reaction she surely was pushing onto them. She hadn’t moved a single step.
I shook inside, feeling the emptiness continue to grow stronger, gripping me in its desire to be filled. At this point, I’d take anyone—
No. I wouldn’t. Just Taylor. She was the only one. Both my mind and instincts agreed, and that was enough to make me lean forward and take another deep breath.
Taylor stiff, refusing to approach. Certain that Lisa-self is in an addled state.
She wasn’t wrong, but my instincts were just part of the equation. I consciously let them lower my walls, more like getting drunk than anything else. I snarled inside my mind, wanting Taylor to just stop with her silly hang-ups and just get in. She wanted this. Her scent was giving me sweet, approving notes, full of her trust and belief.
With us in this stalemate, I tried to stand—just to do something to make this stubborn woman finally move. That wasn’t my best idea, it turned out, as when I got up, doing my best to lean forward and stand; that was when I lost my footing and stumbled. I hadn’t moved since I’d gotten my heat and finished building my nest.
Before I knew what was happening, Taylor caught me. The moment I started to fall, she blurred forward and grabbed me into her arms, no thought put into staying away.
Seizing the opportunity, I held on tightly, wrapping my arms around her body so she couldn’t let me go. I wouldn’t let up, not unless she promised to stay.
“Don’t go,” I whispered, burying my face into the crook of her costume. She was so much taller than me now, almost a foot difference between us. Taylor kept still, frozen. Indecisive. She didn’t dare to move. Didn’t trust herself.
Being this close allowed me to smell her that much stronger. I could finally know more than just the floral notes everyone else would get. The sweetness of tea, mixed with something sharper, like aged paper and ink. It curled easily around me in such a comforting way. It told me she’d handle it all; all of my issues, worries, and whatever else I wanted to forget about.
I leaned up, kissing the side of her neck. Careful not to get too close to her mating glands. That would’ve been too much, especially when we hadn’t talked this out beforehand.
Although… I was tempted to ask her to lower her head just a little more, so I could have her that much closer to me. Just a slight graze of her teeth against the skin of my neck. No, no. That was a bad idea. I pushed my instincts down, firmly believing in my self-control, and in Taylor’s.
With the way she was looking at me—her breathing rough and cheeks flush—I was certain that if Taylor, at this moment, decided to turn me around so she could push me down onto the floor and bite down on the back of my neck… I didn’t think I could’ve fought it. Especially when her arousal finally stirred, something hard pressing against my thighs in reminder.
Taylor aroused, interested in Lisa-self. Big enough to fill Lisa-self.
A thrum of excitement filled my body, and I coaxed Taylor down—making our lips meet one another, pressing against each other. She could’ve refused me. She could’ve turned away, left this room and escaped from my complicated mess of a heat.
But she didn’t.
We kissed, not chaste at all. Messy, full of dueling tongues and exchanged saliva as I shuddered below her. I was completely aware of the germs—of how dirty everything was—but that was all stomped away by the red-hot burn of my heat. Whispers from my power were swallowed away by Taylor’s every kiss, and her every touch, as she held me tighter.
I clung to her when she lifted me up. The corded strength within her arm felt wonderful against my body as she brought me deeper into the middle of the nest. I couldn’t stop the happiness from welling within me as she pressed herself close. My hand scrambled against her costume. I wanted to rip it off, to pull it away from her body, but couldn’t find the seams.
It didn’t take long until she just helped me, knowing what I wanted even as we held one another. Joining our scents, even if not our bodies. Not yet.
That was next.
I licked my lips, heart beating fast within my chest as I watched how her pupils had blown wide open. She stripped out of her costume, throwing it off somewhere. Another pile of clothing that was just pure Taylor. I wanted them. I needed to add those clothes to my nest. But Taylor growled, and I couldn’t help but immediately look back at her, my own eyes widening.
“Are you sure about this?” Her voice was husky, sending lightning through my nerves.
I nodded immediately, no need to think about it, even for a moment. Gripping her tighter, I pulled her down, forcing Taylor’s body to grind against mine. The pressure felt wonderful as I moaned. Strength was clear within her muscles, and the slight roughness that came from her scars was pleasant against my fingers.
“Yes! Fuck, just do it, Taylor! Put it in!” I snarled, demanding what I wanted.
And yet Taylor still paused, nearly making me scream in frustration. My hands loosened, and then gripped a few times. I just wanted to pull Taylor closer until she’d stop thinking, because it was hard to keep anything in my mind. All I could do was follow my instinct. Especially with her merely a hair’s distance away, and my heat still becoming stronger, all I could think about was keeping her here, with me.
“Are you going to make me beg?” I asked, vulnerability clear with my voice. It was more instinctual than a deliberate manipulation, but the result was still the same.
Taylor immediately denied it by kissing me. Hard. She pressed against me, so passionately that I was certain my lips had bruised, and there was still more: More pressure. More kisses. Her wonderful hardness against my slick hole.
Our bodies entwined with one another as she pressed her cock into me, satisfying the desire my heat so forcefully demanded. She gave me relief, even if just for a moment. We repeated it again and again, until it was almost a constant—a rhythm—with how much she’d done it.
Time passed, but I wasn’t able to keep track of how long it’d been. She kept filling me—sating me. Her mouth stayed next to my ear, just to say how good I was being. Her words sent more pleasure across my body, shots of heat directly into my core. Then she was about to turn me around, her mouth and teeth aiming for my neck—and my gland.
No. That’s too close.
I squeezed my hands against her, harder than before, and she got the message. She held herself back. She didn’t flip me over, or make me face the bed on my elbows and knees. That’d leave me too vulnerable, especially when I was caught up with my heat.
Instead, she started to mark my skin everywhere else. They were just temporary, but I relished the slight sting of pleasure as her teeth dug deep into me. I moaned louder, loving how the pain sung to me so wonderfully through the haze of arousal and desire.
Maybe I should’ve found a way to stop this, but when Taylor finally looked me in the eye with desire so clear—practically begging for this—I couldn’t help but reciprocate. I wanted more, too. I wanted to continue this coupling, for her to fill me until I couldn’t think of anything else. Only her.
I loved it. I loved her.
The hatred for my heat was still unwavering and strong, but this time… I didn’t want it to end. I didn’t want to face the moment where Taylor would have to go. When she’d leave me here, abandoned and alone.
So for now, I stuck close to her—as close as was physically possible. I left my own marks on her body, until I was completely certain no other omega would even think to try and take her away from me.
Because Taylor was mine.
If things had been different, she would’ve stayed.
But Taylor was Weaver now, and so she’d left me. She hadn’t woken me up, and now she was gone. I could tell how she’d felt so conflicted, full of uncertainty and regret, as she left me alone in the nest. She’d given me the shirt she’d been wearing to placate my sleeping body, putting it close to my nose so I wouldn’t realize she was gone. Even the blankets had been saturated with her scent, and she’d pulled that over me so I’d stay warm and, again, not realize a thing.
She’d planned it well, and that was why my heart twisted further when I realized she’d gone without me against the Slaughterhouse Nine.
Soon, I’d also have to leave for that. Staying away wasn’t an option, after all, since my heat was finally done. I wouldn’t forgive myself if I left Taylor to handle it alone.
Even knowing all that, I stayed within the nest a little longer and let Taylor’s scent linger. It was enough to make me wish she’d stayed. But I knew her, and I was certain she wouldn’t stop. Not ever.
I closed my eyes. This would be the last bit of rest I’d get for a long while.
There was so much to do.