Work Text:
Tried to execute, but the moral of the story is: we all gotta face our damnation at some point.
"Well the last time I showed my face in public, someone tried to shoot me in the face."
True story. I was patrolling the city at night and someone spotted me (no pun intended). They called me a slur of names I don't care to repeat. I stayed too long, lost in my head, and they pulled a gun.
Actually scratch that, they did shoot me in the face. It was like a hard pellet that burned hot on impact with extreme force.
Welp.
That's how it is folks. I told the truth. In part of course. As in, to everyone at different times the few times they were available.
Ignore how lighthearted my attitude is, that's absolutely not how this situation is.
It just came out.
Alya already knows.
Now Luka knows.
Kagami.
Adrien.
I fought with every ounce of my being not to cry.
I don't get to have that privilege. Not ever again.
This is my fault.
If I had just told the truth, maybe I wouldn't be in this shitshow that is my life, but ha! Things never go as planned do they?
I don't have the strength to give you the dialogue. Your author is not that skilled :)
But I told them.
Alya cornered me.
Kagami evaluated me with that look in her eyes. She always knows when to look for something she needs to know. Her eyes told me:
You messed up. You made the biggest mistake in your 15 year tenure.
I know this. I thought I was protecting Paris. I thought I was protecting Adrien's heart. I knew I would be punsihed either way, but this is not about me and is so far bigger.
Luka looked at me with more than even disappointment. Sympathy and understanding and shock and anger and.....He never lashed out. But questioned me he did.
Question after question after question. He expected more of me. I expected more of myself. He walked away from me with betrayal in his eyes and hurt in his heart.
Spending time with someone akin to that of an empath teaches you some things.
And Adrien. I don't think he'll ever trust me again.
He shouldn't.
No matter how hard I try. I'll never get it right.
I've finally accepted that. I should have never accepted that box from Master Fu.
But Adrien's eyes went blank. Then they filled with tears and sorrow and anger and disappointment and and and and and and and.........
He spoke softly. Then his voice rose louder and louder until he was screaming. Hysterically, broken, hurt and betrayed.
I did this, so I couldn't touch him. Not this time. He'd never let me again.
This was punishment for the burden I was dealt. I stood there and took it. I had to.
His voice cracked. My sanity broke.
Then he broke. He fell down and curled into himself like a fetus. I couldn't take it. I softly called out his name and reached for him. I still loved him. He was my partner. He was my friend. He saved me from myself more times than I can count.
When was the last time I did that for someone else? (From Mind over Mask by Morticitylights)
He told me to get out.
I did.
I walked past the bakery. My parents deserve more than me. They deserve their daughter, not an abomination.
I walked and walked and walked and walked.
Muscled memory brought me to the Eiffel tower. I was at the highest point a civilian could reach. I was waiting for someone.
Grandmaster SuHan.
He was behind me. Silent.
"Guardian?"
"I failed. I lied to Paris and the world and the few people who know who I truly am. I broke their trust in me and their faith. I broke my friend. Well, I don't deserve to call him that anymore I guess."
I smiled.
There were things to do.
time skip( Plot convenient akuma shows up. Cat Noir hasn't shown up for days. He just can't. He can't be around the girl he thought was his partner. He doesn't have the strength to do what someone never should have chosen him to do.)
Old Major announces, "Look who it is. Paris's bug in shining latex all by herself. Got any life-saving quips this time?"
I grimaced. My ribs were bruised. Everything hurt. Something is bleeding internally. But I noticed she had a camera right in my face.
That's where the akuma is.
"See here, there's been some speculation about Monarch. Why is it that someone who's been terrorizing a city for so long is a hero? Why is that Ladybug?"
Here it is.
I knew it.
This is going to hurt.
"It's not." The camera faded out of focus.
My head pounded and fogged up. My throat tingled and tightened. My eyes burned.
My heart wouldn't let me lie this time.
"Monarch was never a hero. The man I told you about.......he was.....could never be what I lied about. You may not believe me. You shouldn't believe me ever again. But know this, you will not suffer forever under the one who claims to have such power over this city.......I....I truly am resentful for what I've done. I knew what I was thinking. I broke my own rule. And I failed. But I'm not dead. I promise this will not last forever."
Not the most quippy.
In the exchange of a few blows, I incapacitated Old Major. Minus the twirling and hippy scream, I purified the akuma and watched blindly as it flew away.
timeskip again
Well that did it. I told the world the truth.
(I'm kidding, I wish it could be that simple.)
For the most part at least, as I didn't have the resolve to tell who Monarch was. I know. I'm doing it again. But there is more rationality this time, I can assure that.
The media started blazing.
Questioning who they could trust.
Denouncing every single action I took prior to this new freakshow of my life.
Remembering every single slip-up I have ever made.
I took it ok.
I was worse to myself.
Social Media was worse.
That's all I need to say.
I looked at Adrien a lot since then.
He only held eye contact once, scoffed, then walked away.
Alya looked uncertain. She questioned me harshly, asking why I would do this. She questioned my resolve, asking what my intentions were and if I really thought about what I was doing.
I was.
At least, I though I really was this time.
How funny.
Luka said all he needed with his eyes: oh Marinette. What have you done?
Kagami showed only the slightest hint of approval, yet uncertainty and distrust overshadowed her face.
It's alright. Actually no it isn't.
It is never all right. I never make the right choices do I?
I know I lied. I deserve punishment. I'm trying. I really am.
But I can't not try.
I just can't.
WHY WAS I CHOSEN FOR THIS?
Why couldn't Master Fu pick someone actually trained for this?
I destroyed my friendships.
The world doesn't trust me anymore.
They don't care about anything except how Ladybug failed.
Mama and Papa. They looked at the tv screen in despair. At the news report highlighting what I............Ladybug had revealed.
Now them too.
That broke what little resolve I faked.
I'll never be enough.
Tikki is wrong.
Luka is wrong.
Mama is wrong.
I will never be enough.
attempt warning !
Again. I climb to the highest point of the Eiffel tower.
Higher than civilians are supposed to reach.
For a little more security.
The earrings are in my room. As is the miracle box.
SuHan will notice.
Even when I fought day and night, it never made a difference.
When I fought with everything I had, I always made things worse.
This city doesn't need me.
Everything goes lgith as I lean forward, my weight drifting off of the edge.
My heart races. My hair thrashes around my neck and face. The appearance of chaos.
My eyes water from the rushing air as it screams around my falling form.
I smile.
Finally.
I wake up to white light.
I hear steady beeping.
I hear crying and screaming and machines.
I am not dead.
And damn it I am alive.