Chapter Text
Days after Siuan's death has been unbearable for Lan. His Aes Sedai has been constantly drifting in and out of consciousness, she's either asleep or just staring so long at the distance. It seems like she was just a shell of Moiraine, her presence is not there, just her physical body appearing to them. She has not spoken anything to everyone except to Lan, constantly uttering the words:
"She's dead... she's dead.."
What's worse is what Lan was feeling through the bond—heartbreak, sadness, vengeance—as to why the wheel has done this to her, it should've been her death that day, not Siuan's. She was prepared to die, but the wheel is cruel, it took another turn. Now Moiraine is inconsolable, she's wearing thin every single day of not eating and constant crying. One would see her as formidable, striking, fierce, confident. Now, the Aes Sedai was broken.
One night Lan walked in the tent with a hand full of food for Moiraine to eat. She was sitting, leaning on the headboard of the makeshift bed. Just staring.
"You need to eat Moiraine" Lan painted with worriedness sat down beside Moiraine, hand with dried meat moved towards Moiraine's mouth, urging her to eat. But Moiraine just looked the other way, trying not to see Lan's teary eyes, for she too will cry again.
"Moiraine... I-" He was about to continue when Moiraine cut him off.
"Lan don't."
"They are asking Moiraine, they are getting worried about you, they don't know what had happened. They are wary especially the two—Rand and Egwene.. They constantly ask if you are alright, what has happened. And I couldn't give them a straight answer, I just told them that no matter what happens Rand is the priority and that you will overcome this." Lan's hand moved to Moiraine's hand, squeezing it as an encouragement.
"Will I? It has always been my mantra, that the dragon reborn is above everything else, guiding and protecting him is the most important thing and nothing or no one matters more than that—that is when she's still breathing. Now?.. It was suppose to be me, I have seen it a thousand times, variations of the turning of the wheel, I died, so Rand can live. I have accepted it, I have given up my life for it. For the cause that she will live in a world in Harmony not enveloped by darkness" Moiraine shifted her eyes to look at Lan, it was hallow her eyes brimming to tears.
"I never thought I would say this, but I wanna go home. I did not ask for this, all I wanted was to be with her, to live out my life with her. We were planning to go to Cairhien, Oh, but the wheel is so cruel. Not only did it took my future, it took.. it took.." Moiraine was trying to find her words but she was hyperventilating, Lan was quick to embrace the wailing Moiraine, trying to calm her down.
"I'm here.. We will get through this.. shh..shh.." Lan embraced her tighter, combing her hair with his hand, but she was crying even harder. That is when the flap of the tent opened, Egwene.
"Moiraine? How can I help?" The Anxious Egwene asked Lan. Even with Lan's embrace, Moiraine is inconsolable, she's crying hard.
"Do you know how to create a sedating weave?" Lan asked, Egwene hummed her head in agreement. She opened herself to the source, embracing it as she weaves intricate strand of patters and let it flow to the draining Moiraine. Slowly her crying stopped and she passed out in Lan's embrace.
"Thank you.." Lan said to egwene as she cradled the sleeping Moiraine.
"I know I've been asking this over and over again since she fought Lanfear. Will she be alright?" Said Egwene as she twitches between her fingers. Lan looked at her in awe as for how much she cared for his Aes Sedai, she have been a guide to the Emond Fielders, and they grew to be fond and caring of her even though they can be stubborn.
"I don't know. But we can help her get past through this, we just have to believe in her" Lan said defeatedly, Egwene nods at him once again and left the tent leaving Lan in deep contemplation as to whether his Aes Sedai will push through the loss of her life—two died that day, only one stopped breathing, if his Aes Sedai continue on with this path, she too will stop breathing.
••••••••••••••••••
Moiraine opened her eyes, they are heavy from the crying, she winced at the pain and looked around her. It still dark outside, voices can be heard but weakly. She assumed it's midnight, her eyes darting to find Lan in the tent but he was nowhere to be found, all the trace left of him was the food he brought. Moiraine stomach growled, she grabbed the dried meat and chewed on it weakly. Its true that Rand is the priority among else he is the Dragon's for lights sake! She will continue on guiding him and once he's really on the fight for the light, she will find her beloved. For now, she will settle for this, she will keep her promise to her love.
Moiraine muster up the strength to stand up, its been days since she stood up, she momentarily lost momentum—she inhaled deeply and went outside. She saw Lan, Egwene, Rand and the wise ones gathered around the dying bonfire, talking about something probably her. She walked hastily, not caring if she might fall, the sound of her walking made Rand look and his eyes widen at the sight of her rushing on to them, he stood so quickly, he nearly lost balance.
"Moiraine? Are you all right?" Asked the shocked Rand. Eyeing Moiraine to see if she's all right.
"Where to next?" Moiraine asked as she halted paces between him.
"What?"
"Where do we go next? You have the aiel behind your back now, you are officially the car'a'caran, where to next, Lord Dragon?" Moiraine asked in a tone thats apparent she's running out of breath from the quick walking.
"No.. Moiraine, don't call me that." Rand walked towards her, he halted when there are only inches between them.
"Are you all right? This is very sudden" Rand asked in concern with his hands waving in motion, trying to conceal the fact that he want to embrace her.
"What I feel does not matter, what matters is your next move, the wheel does not stop moving, so we better move" Moiraine shrugged her head in disagreement.
"It matters to me, Moiraine. You need rest, once you rested we will set path to the next mission" Rand answered back. Lan then started moving towards where they are, only halting a few paces between them when he felt a wave of emotion through his bond from his Aes Sedai.
"I cannot put the world on a stop just for me to get better, either you tell me your next step or I will walk away" Moiraine looked at him so blankly, Rand can feel his skin shiver from her words.
"What?" Rand asked confusingly
"I will leave, and never look back. I have sacrificed everything, given half of my life. For you. I have seen you grown to be a Man. Now, I am lost, Rand. Either you give me purpose of what to do next so I have the strength to fight and live for the next day to support you, or I will leave." Moiraine pleaded, eyes brimming with tears.
"Moiraine, what has happened, tell us, we want to help. We ca-"
"Please, Don't make me ask twice"
"Callandor, like you said before I need it. We'll go to tear just like as planned." Rand said and Moiraine nods in agreement, and turned her back to Rand to go back to the tent when she was halted.
"Moiraine" Rand called. Moiraine turned her body to look at him. Her face remaining neutral.
"We are here for you. Whatever it is your going through. Know that you have us" Moiraine nodded once again, feeling the sense of relief, but still she remained impassive towards them, she wanted to hug them all and cry out her hurt but she was so drained that she couldn't, her pride still fails her to show her true emotions. She was about to walk away again when Egwene called her.
"Moiraine, something has happened." Egwene twitching her fingers, trying to find the right words to say. Moiraine looked at her questioningly.
"The Amyrlin Seat is dead." Egwene said defeatedly. That made a skip on Moiraine's broken heart, she is soothing her nerves, trying to remain neutral on the news she's been wailing on for days.
"I dreamed walked to gather information that might be useful to Rand on his journey when I saw Verin Sedai, we talked and she informed me that Siuan Sanche was ambushed, all her remaining allies including Verin where manipulated to going out of the tower in search for the Black Ajahs when they were trapped by the Red Ajahs, there along in the tower, Siuan was sentenced to death while Leanne Sedai was shielded, they were able to rescue her after that. They accused the Amyrlin being a darkfriend, they didn't know what had happened between those halls, what the conversation is. But now, a new Amyrlin is raised up, her name is Elaida do Avriny a'Roihan—Verin said she was a viscous and selfish woman, she was the reason why Siuan was stilled and killed. Do you know her?" Egwene asked.
"Yes, I do." Moiraine clenched her arms to her sides, trying to maintain her emotions.
"Verin also said that they would be traveling to tear, to group back Aes Sedais that sides with Siuan, and where better place to start a rebellion than the birthplace of the fire of the rebellion. We can meet them up there, and help them, they can also help us with Rand getting the Callandor. If we leave now, we will be able to meet up with them being only early a few days before us." Egwene explained.
"I am sorry for you loss, Moiraine" Egwene walked towards Moiraine to offer her condolences.
"You two were not really close when we arrived to the tower with you but I know she was once your friend, and I am truly sorry." Moiraine nodded and turned her back against the girl. She walked a few paces and then stopped to look at them.
"Pack your things, we leave at dawn". She then walked towards her tent, her pace in quickening. Contemplating on as to how Elaida got a hold of the seat. Sure she know Siuan's has enemy in the Tower, but Elaida ordering Siuan's death? What has happened to the white tower. She will not let this slide. Her novice days was full of hurt because of that woman and now she took what she loves dear. She will pay.
••••••••••••••••••
It's been a week since they left the Aiel waste. Thousands of aiel now march with them towards tear and it will take them atleast two weeks to reach tear. Moiraine has been silent ever since, only speaking when spoken to or only responding if it is important, otherwise she was just riding there with aldieb, or when Lan reprimands her to eat something. Egwene is getting to worried for she is fond with the Aes Sedai. She have always been there for them, trying to protect them from darkness, reprimanding them into doing the right this even if its hard to do sometimes. She made it her mission that she too will protect Moiraine from the darkness that is consuming her everyday.
One night, When all of the people are sleeping, gaining strength for tomorrow's journey—they are now only days away from reaching tear. Egwene couldn't sleep, so she got up from her makeshift bed and walked towards the trees that surrounds them to get fresh air, when all of a sudden something shifted beside her. There she saw a sleeping Moiraine—body twitching and crying again. Her crying getting louder and that woke up Lan that was beside her, he was quick on his knees to calm down the sleeping Moiraine. Egwene then walked towards them hastily and dropped on her knees to also calm Moiraine when she heard her say:
"I'm sorry... I'm sorry..." She's still asleep, she may be dreaming, Egwene thought. If Moiraine continues to be like this she would be dehydrated by all the tears she had been shedding. Lan could only embrace his Aes Sedai, for once, he did not know what to do.
"Egwene, can you conjure another sedating weave?" Lan asked with a pleading tone while cradling his Aes Sedai to stopped crying. Egwene only hummed in agreement and starts to embrace the source when it was halted by a voice.
"What's going on? Did something happened? Why is she crying again?" Rand asked kneeling beside Egwene.
"Rand, please stay quiet. I am trying to sedate Moiraine." Egwene shot back at Rand to which it made him quiet. With that hint, Egwene started to conjure up the One power again and slowly weaved intricate patterns which flows through Moiraine's body and subsided. Making the wailing Moiraine once again calm and asleep. Lan stroked a fallen strand of hair away from Moiraine's face, setting her down to the makeshift bed, arranging it for her to be comfortable. Once he settled Moiraine down, he placed a kiss upon her forehead as a sign of protection. He then looked at the two before them. Worry painted on their faces.
"Lan, please tell us what is going on with her. You can't just keep out of the loop forever" Egwene demanded.
"What happened back in the waste?" Rand asked. Lan looked at them with sympathy, they've really come a long way from the person they were before, what appears before him are two person that is wiser—people that are fighting for the light so that they're loved ones can have peace in life.
"I cannot tell you, she will tell you when she's ready, because this is not my story to tell. I know you care for her, and you want things to get better. But it's Moiraine, she's complex when showing her true emotions, so please. Don't force her to elicit what she's been feeling, what she's going through. This is uncharted waters even for her. Let her speak when she thinks she's ready." Lan requested with sympathy, he knows Moiraine. She will tell them when she's ready. The two nodded in agreement and Egwene caressed Moiraine face while Rand took her arm and squeezed it. They bid farewell once they are sure that Moiraine is sleeping soundly and left them two alone.
••••••••••••••••••
The day is already set when they reached the Rebel Aes Sedai camp in tear, after two weeks they have finally arrived to their destination. They dismounted their horses, Lan giving a hand to Moiraine when she dismounted, she seemed fragile, her face pale as a ghost, she's only been drinking tea, rarely any solid foods, Egwene noted. This place seems to be calming, the river flowing peacefully against the stones, the moonlight making the water glow in Etherial light. The slight sizzle of fire that surrounds the camp, chatters echoing in her ear somehow makes her feel safe. When they reached the entrance of the camp, Tents are gathered in a circular line but a single bamboo hut in the middle line stood out but they were blocked by Aes Sedais before they can continue walking.
"Sisters" Verin greeted them in a melancholy tone, eyeing both Egwene and Moiraine. Egwene smiled back the the older Aes Sedai, while Moiraine remain impassive towards the Five Aes Sedais that were blocking them—Alanna, Leane, Verin, Yasicca, Adeleas.
They seem to be on a protective position, so Rand took a step forward to make known of his presence. The Aes Sedais look toward him and bowed slightly.
"Lord Dragon, I assume you traveled safely, given the aiel army at your back" Verin said with her eyes shifting towards the Aiel behind Rand's back.
"We did, thank you for informing us of what has happened. We are very sorry for your loss, I assure you we will fight for your cause and the light" Rand bowed his head in condolence.
"Your words are very comforting Lord Dragon, please make yourself feel at home" Adeleas announced, extending her arm to the camp, hinting for them to come in. Before they can come any further Leanne exploded.
"So that's it? We're just gonna let them enter? They are the reason why Mothe- Siuan's dead! They killed her because she hid the fact that for 20 years she's known of the Dragon Reborn's birth! Protecting you!" She pointed angrily at Rand "And You!" Leane's finger is not pointed at Moiraine.
"You travelled the world in search for the dragon. Not caring about the consequences Mother might face because of your disobedience, you only followed yourself, that resulted to her death! How come you can remain impassive while we mourn her death!" Leane's anger grew, she tried to attack Moiraine but the other sisters prevented her, she wailed and fought but the sisters were able to get her inside the camp to calmed her down and she screamed.
"I wish it was you who died!" That sentence sent a chill to the newly arrived people, Rand feeling his hands clenched, but subdue when he felt Egwene arms on his shoulder looking at him with pleading eyes, he sighed and he eyed Moiraine. Still impassive but the Moonlight betrayed her eyes, it was brimming with tears, she was trying not to cry, he was about to go to her when Alanna approached Moiraine and hugged her. Moiraine did not respond and Alanna let go of the embrace.
"I'm glad your safe, let's get you all cleaned up." Moiraine only nodded and they all went inside the camp.
••••••••••••••••••
When they got inside, both Rand and Egwene were shocked to see Nynaeve, Mat and Perrin inside the camp. The Emond Fielders ran towards each other, embracing as to this unexpected reunion.
"What are you guys doing here?" Egwene asked in joy as she breaks from the embrace.
"Following you of course, we were told that all of you were gonna arrive here in tear as well, so we came" Nynaeve answered, eyes brimming with so much joy.
"There seems to be more to your reason, what is it?" Rand asked.
"With the Amyrlin's death, we decided to help to get the tower back, you need the tower support Rand as prophesized, and Siuan Sanche, May the light guide her Soul. Has been an ally to us, I know I wasn't fond of her at the beginning but she has sacrificed half of her life for you, she has protected and guided us on journey, therefore I.. We owe her this." Nynaeve answered with sadness and pride. The others nodded in agreement.
"You look polished mate" Mat teased Rand.
"And look at his wrists" Mat exclaimed, grabbing Rand's arms, showing it to Perrin and Nynaeve. They marvel at the intricate golden dragon that was embedded on Rand's wrists. Rand just smiled and that's when he noticed someone walking to them.
"Rand, Egwene" Elayne beamed in smile.
"Elayne!" Egwene rushed towards Elayne and Embraced her. Elayne return her embrace back and smiled so fondly. The four Emond Fielders smiled at the sight of the two. Nynaeve then looked past at Rand Seeing Lan and the Pale Moiraine.
"Is Moiraine alright? She's as white as a ghost" Perrin asked Rand in which he only shook his head in disagreement to which Perrin lend an arm to Rand's shoulder.
Lan looked at Moiraine, he didn't need to ask Moiraine if he could go to Nynaeve, she took his hand and squeezed it in affirmation.
"Go, I'll just rest" Moiraine declared in a whisper.
"Are you sure? I'll talk to her later-" Lan hesitated.
"Go to her, Lan" Moiraine smiled weakly at him, giving him a nod, encouraging him to go to his love. Lan took Moiraine hand and squeezed it, and he turned his back to her and ran towards Nynaeve where they both share a long embrace. Moiraine smiled weakly at them, she was about to leave when a voice stopped her.
"Aunt Moiraine?" Elayne asked gently. Moiraine turned to her and smiled weakly, it's really good to see her niece safe and sound. She was taken aback when Elayne hugged her. The girl hugged her tight to which she reciprocated, she sighed deeply, feeling the hair of her niece. It seems to ground her. She pulled back from the embrace and cupped her niece's face.
"Im glad your safe, Elayne" Moiraine said weakly. Elayne was brimming with tears when she hugged her aunt once again and pulled back.
"Your so pale, are you alright?" Elayne asked in concern as she darts around the bags that were forming under the eyes of her Aunt. Moiraine only smiled weakly at her, she cannot conjure up the words that she's "alright" for she's not, the first oath blocking her to say it.
"Rest, I'll make a bed that you can sleep on, right near the fire, you need heat" Elayne said in a slightly teasing manner. Moiraine can only nod and followed her niece that took her arm.
"What's going on with Moiraine? She seem sad" Mat asked towards the three companions Moiraine's with.
"Something happened back in the waste, Egwene and I don't know the full story, Lan knows thought but it's not his story to tell, so we just tend to her" Rand answered.
"Something has really changed" Perrin added.
"It has" Lan answered as he look at them. They all sighed, eyeing one another in deep contemplation, what really did happened to Moiraine back in the Aiel Waste, and the only person that knows what happened, does not wish to tell the story.