Chapter Text
“Do you ever wish you were born a woman?”
Taehyun froze, hand reaching for the milk and crouched halfway down in front of the fridge. In hindsight, Yeonjun supposed 6 am in the kitchen on a random workday was maybe not the best time to start this conversation.
“Um. Not personally, no. Do you?”
“I don’t know.”
Taehyun unfroze, grabbed the milk, and walked over to his mug on the counter. Yeonjun supposed, again, that maybe he should have waited until Taehyun had finished his coffee.
“Is that a genuine ‘I don’t know,’ or an I don’t want to say yes in case it’s weird ‘I don’t know.’”
“... I don’t know.”
Taehyun fixed him with an unamused look, but gestured for Yeonjun to join him at the kitchen table anyway.
“Talk to me.” Taehyun said in lieu of another question, sipping on his still-too-hot coffee.
“I’ve been wearing skirts lately.” Yeonjun said. It was a safe place to start. Taehyun nodded. “It feels… right. It feels right and it makes me feel pretty.”
“It doesn’t have to make you less of a man to want to wear skirts and be pretty.” Taehyun frowned.
“No- I know that, but I want it to?”
“Want what to what?” Taehyun asked, lost.
“I don’t want to be pretty the way men are pretty, I want to be pretty like a woman.” Yeonjun was making vague hand gestures in front of him like that would somehow make the statement make more sense. “You know?”
Taehyun thought for a moment, sipping his coffee.
“I don’t think I totally get it,” he said slowly, “but I also don’t have to get it. If that’s how you feel, that’s how you feel.”
“Is that… okay?”
“Of course it is.” Upon seeing his uncertainty, Taehyun reached across the table to hold Yeonjun’s hand. He was warm from his coffee mug and comforting like home. (Was home. All of them were). “Can I ask follow-up questions?”
Yeonjun held back a laugh only because he knew the question was genuine. It was such a Taehyun way to have this conversation.
“Sure.”
“What do you want me to call you?” The question caught him a bit off guard.
“My… name? Yeonjun?”
“I didn’t- did you think I forgot your name?” Taehyun half-shouted, far too loud for so early in the morning.
“What else was I supposed to say!” Yeonjun whisper-shouted back.
“I don’t know? I didn’t know if you were changing your name or your pronouns or what-”
“Oh,” Yeonjun laughed in understanding, “no, I’m still… me? I guess? Whatever I am, I don’t think I’m that… all the time.”
“Ok.” Taehyun said with his certified Thinking Face. “So you’re still Yeonjun-hyung?” Yeonjun nodded. “Just, also Yeonjun-noona?”
“That’s…. about right, I think.”
“Cool.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah, Yeonjun-noona. You’re always cool.” Taehyun smiled and squeezed his hand, not letting go. “Can I ask an additional follow-up question?”
“Go for it.” Yeonjun smiled, rocking their hands back and forth on the table together.
“How long have you been feeling like this?”
Wasn’t that the million dollar question.
“I think in some ways I always have, it’s just gotten more noticeable lately.”
“Did something happen?”
Back when they were trainees, Taehyun’s questions could scare Yeonjun off. Sitting across a table from him could feel like an interrogation at the worst of times. By now, though, he knew the younger wasn't asking to cast doubt on Yeonjun’s feelings or to judge, but out of his own desire to understand. Out of searching for the best way to support him.
Out of love.
That’s why Yeonjun knew he could trust Taehyun with his answers.
“Well I’d never worn skirts until I started experimenting with fashion more recently, and the feminine clothes have been a big reason it’s on my mind.” Taehyun was nodding along. “Also, Kai’s been calling me noona whenever I grow my hair out.”
“It always looks good on you.” Taehyun smiled softly, and Yeonjun blushed. He never got tired of compliments from his partners, and Taehyun never said anything he didn’t mean.
“Also…” Yeonjun wasn’t sure if he should share this last part.
“Yeah?”
“Well… it’s kind of private…” he trailed off.
“‘Private’ like emotional or ‘private’ like sexual?’” Taehyun and his damn questions…
“Sexual.”
“Okay?” Taehyun raised an eyebrow, clearly expecting Yeonjun to share. And, yeah, there was no reason not to divulge the details of his sex life to Taehyun considering he was part of his sex life, but Yeonjun got embarrassed sometimes.
“I was with Soobin last night-”
“I heard.” Taehyun quipped.
“You asked.” Yeonjun glared back. “I was with Soobin and he…”
“Oh my god just say it, I’m so curious now.” Taehyun was leaning forward across the table with that specific sparkle in his eyes that he only got when he was trying to solve a mystery.
“He called my chest my tits and it really did something for me.” Yeonjun mumbled.
“Nice.” Taehyun smirked. “I’ve gotta say, I was expecting something crazier.”
“You’ve been spending too much time with Beomgyu.”
Taehyun laughed at that, and they got quiet for a comfortable moment. They were still holding hands, which made the whole thing a lot easier. Yeonjun was the first to speak again.
“Do you think it’s just a kink?” Yeonjun asked, voicing a concern that had been gnawing at him since that night with Soobin.
“Do you think it’s just a kink?” he fired back.
“I don’t think so? But then why would I have reacted like that to Soobin?”
“You also like when we tell you how pretty you are in bed, and that doesn’t make you any less pretty the rest of the time.” Taehyun reasoned.
That was… a good point, actually.
“It’s really not a bad way to figure stuff out if it works for you.”
“Is it weird that I want to try?”
“Most of sex is weird, that doesn’t make it wrong.” Taehyun shrugged.
“I still don’t know exactly what I want, though.”
“Ok? Go sleep with Soobin about it.” The younger smirked.
“I don’t know if Soobin is really the best person for this though, you know how he’s either at zero or one hundred with kinky shit.” and Yeonjun loved him for that, but he wasn’t always the best person to experiment with. At least not with something quite so charged.
“You should ask Kai.”
-
So that’s how Yeonjun found himself sitting at the foot of Kai’s bed in a tank top and sweatpants that Saturday evening with their youngest’s doe eyes fixed on him from the other side of it, waiting for him to talk.
Taehyun had mentioned some details of what happens on the nights Kai and Taehyun save for just the two of them, and it seemed like Kai’s wants were pretty aligned with Yeonjun’s needs. Not to mention that the maknae was so level-headed and methodical when it came to trying new things in bed.
There was a notepad in the kitchen drawer with a cheesy red love-heart design that they all grabbed pages of when Kai asked them to make yes and no lists before trying anything wildly new. Beomgyu had bought it as a joke when he was exasperated at the youngest for dragging the process out so long when he’d wanted to try petplay for the first time, but it had turned out to be a useful ritual.
Kai never did anything halfway.
He really was the right person to go to for this, so Yeonjun took a deep breath and finally started talking.
“When you call me noona…” Yeonjun started hesitantly, “do you… do you mean it?” it wasn’t the best lead-in, it was hardly any smoother than when he’d accosted Taehyun in the kitchen earlier that week. He was missing all the finesse and charm that usually had the others bending over backwards to fulfill his fantasies.
It was just hard because this one meant so much to him. More than just a fantasy, but a reinforcement of his self, or something else equivalent in inarticulateness to everything else he’d said since he made the mistake of knocking on Kai’s door.
“What do you mean?” Kai cocked his head to the side. Not teasing, just trying to understand. “Do you not like it?”
“No, I do! That’s sort of the problem.”
“The prob- Oh! You mean- ok! We can try-”
“No, no not like that-” Yeonjun raised both of his hands to cover his face, his ears must be cherry red by now. “Well, yes like that. But not… just that?”
“Are you… coming out?” Kai asked hesitantly, still not judging but also still not any closer to the answers he was clearly looking for. This whole conversation was so stilted, Yeonjun should have written something down.
“I don’t know what I’m doing.” Yeonjun answered honestly.
“That’s fine, hyung. Or-” Kai’s eyes widened in panic.
“It’s ok, I’m still your hyung. Can’t get rid of me that easily.” Yeonjun smiled and hoped it didn’t look as wobbly as he felt. “I just might also be your noona. Sometimes, at least.”
“Ok, noona.” Kai smiled. There was something about Kai’s smile that sent a shot of comfort through Yeonjun’s veins. Warm, genuine, all pretty teeth and crinkly eyes under his floppy brown bangs. Yeonjun felt himself relax a bit.
Kai crawled over to Yeonjun’s side of the bed, sat down next to him, and pulled him into a hug. Like always, he seemed to underestimate his own strength because Yeonjun ended up halfway in his lap.
Not that he minded, there was something comforting about this too- being surrounded by Kai. His arms wrapped around Yeonjun’s middle in a hug, rubbing his belly like he always did. He tucked his face into the crook of Yeonjun’s neck and peppered him with a handful of light, sweet kisses.
“Thank you for telling me.” Kai said, still smiling into his exposed shoulder. “Do you want me to start calling you noona more while you figure it out?”
“Actually.” Yeonjun muttered before cutting himself off. This was already good, wasn’t it? The sex stuff was probably weird, and he didn’t want to ruin the moment, or risk losing the casual comfort of Kai calling him noona throughout his day.
“Yeah?” Kai urged him on.
“Nevermind, I changed my mind.”
“About what, noona?” Kai asked, craning his neck a bit to kiss Yeonjun on the cheek.
“It doesn’t matter.”
“It does to me!” Kai whined, pulling Yeonjun closer and all the way into his lap- back to chest.
“It’s a sex thing.” Yeonjun mumbled, already feeling his resolve waver from the younger man’s enthusiasm.
“Mm even better.” Kai said directly into Yeonjun’s ear, moving one hand down to his hip to hold him in place on his lap.
Yeonjun shivered from the warm air of Kai’s breath. “Fine.” He finally conceded, “I can feel you smiling, you know.” Kai just giggled against the shell of his ear.
“You don’t have to tell me if you really don’t want to,” Kai relented, “but you know I’m always down to try new things with you guys.”
“I’m just worried it’s weird.”
“I walked into Beomgyu-hyung’s room earlier without knocking and Soobin-hyung had him on a leash, noona. Nothing’s too weird for me.”
Yeonjun whistled, “I would’ve liked to see that.”
“Well you know Beomgyu-hyung, he’d probably jump at the chance to do it again if you said you’d watch.”
Kai was right, of course. About Beomgyu’s exhibitionist streak as well as the fact that nothing was too weird to at least ask for, not in their relationship.
“So what do you want to try?” Kai asked again, steering the conversation back.
“Well I was talking to Taehyun,” Yeonjun watched as Kai’s eyebrows raised in comprehension, “and he mentioned that you ask him to wear… things… sometimes. When you two are alone” Kai and Taehyun have fucked in front of him too many times to count but Yeonjun couldn’t muster the nerve to say panties.
Kai just nodded, letting Yeonjun talk. He started rubbing small circles into Yeonjun’s inner thigh with his thumb, though, which didn’t have the calming effect Yeonjun was sure Kai anticipated.
“I thought maybe we could try that too sometime. And-” Yeonjun cut himself off around a gasp as Kai moved his thumb higher on Yeonjun’s thigh and tightened his grip on his other hip.
“Keep going.” Kai ordered. Yeonjun gulped. He felt hot licks of arousal start to stir in his abdomen. It was distracting, but it also put him in a better headspace to talk about sex. It felt less clinical, more fun. Maybe that was Kai’s angle all along.
“You know how-” Yeonjun gasped again as Kai pressed an open-mouthed kiss to his neck, “you know how when I’m good for you, you call me a good boy?”
“Mhm.” Kai hummed into the junction where his neck meets his shoulder, leaving another wet kiss.
“Do you think you could maybe… I mean, you don’t have to if it sounds weird, but-”
Kai moved all at once. The hand from his hip rose to grope his chest hard, and the hand that had been rubbing distracted circles on his thigh slipped under the hem of his tank top to fan out over his stomach, holding him in place. Kai leaned right in his ear again and whispered:
“Do you want to be a good girl for me, noona?”
Yeonjun whimpered, couldn’t help it, and his hips would have bucked up if Kai wasn’t holding him so firmly in place. God, his hands were so big.
“Yes.” Yeonjun whispered in response. It was a bit redundant given the rest of his reaction, and Kai chuckled at his eagerness.
“Tell you what.” Kai started, finally a respectable distance from Yeonjun’s bright red ear. “I don’t have time for too much right now because I promised Tyun he had me all night.”
Yeonjun whined, squirming in his lap somewhat petulantly.
“I’ll help you take the edge off, though.” Kai chuckled again at Yeonjun’s antics. “Then, we can plan a time to try this together once we have everything planned.”
“What is there to plan?”
“I want to understand what to call you.”
“I already told you-”
“What to call every part of you, noona.”
That sent a thrilling shiver through Yeonjun’s body because he hadn’t even thought about that yet. The possibilities-
Kai finally pushed a hand under the waistband of Yeonjun’s sweatpants and found himself skin-to-skin with Yeonjun’s painfully hard cock. He moaned at the contact.
“No panties, noona?” Yeonjun bucked at the thought combined with the sensation as Kai began to stroke him quickly. No time for the teasing Kai loved so much, he was saving that for Taehyun tonight, just working Yeonjun to orgasm as quickly as he could.
Not that he minded. He didn’t think he could mind anything right now as long as Kai kept talking to him like that. The hand under his tank top started playing with his nipple, rolling it between two fingers, and Yeonjun couldn’t figure out which feeling he wanted to press into more, arching his entire body off of Kai’s lap only to be pulled roughly back down again.
“I want to- want to wear some.” Yeonjun managed between groans.
“You’ll look so pretty, can’t wait to give you everything you want.” Kai punctuated the sentence with sloppy kisses under Yeonjun’s jaw.
“What do you want?” Yeonjun remembered in the back of his already fuzzy mind what Taehyun had told him about Kai’s preferences.
“There is one thing,” Kai admitted, voice suddenly shy but hands showing no sign of stopping their mission of reducing Yeonjun to a mess.
“Anything!” Yeonjun said, the word ending on an open mouthed moan as Kai twisted his wrist just right. He was so close so fast, almost embarrassingly fast, but his head was full of so many new ideas that were going to keep him up in a good way for weeks.
“Can I pick your pretty outfit, noona?”
“Mhm!” Yeonjun nodded, past the point of words as Kai was twisting on every upstroke now and he was barrelling towards his orgasm.
“Can’t wait to dress you up, my pretty girl.”
Yeonjun came with a shout and Kai milked him through it, holding his trembling form in his lap until he finally stilled and turned around for a kiss. Kai indulged him. Kai always indulged him, no matter what he asked for, and he was so fucking grateful for that.
Yeonjun sighed and turned in his lap so he could collapse sideways into Kai’s firm chest and waiting arms.
“Love you, Yeonjunnie.” he whispered, no honorifics.
“Love you too, Kai-yah.”
“You know I support you right? Not just with the sex stuff although I’m,” Kai chuckled and looked at the ceiling for a moment, “I’m really really excited about the sex stuff, but I support you all the time. I always will.”
“I know, Hueningie. Thank you.”
They stayed there for another minute just cuddling against the footboard until Yeonjun’s breathing evened out and Kai’s hard-on went down.
“I should start getting ready for Taehyunnie.” Kai said, and Yeonjun crawled off his lap to let him get up.
“Do you have an outfit for him tonight?” Yeonjun asked, curious because he loved to know what his partners got up to, but also a little curious for himself.
“I bought him two, do you want to help me pick which one I give him tonight?” Kai asked from the dresser across the room.
“Sure!” Yeonjun replied, a bit too pitchy and eager. Kai smirked, but said nothing.
He brought over two bundles of fabric and laid them out on the bed next to Yeonjun with care, near-reverence. The first was a bodysuit, black to match Taehyun’s hair currently. It was a shimmery semi-transparent material, and was completely backless. The second was a two piece set; a light blue, lacy bralette and panties. The lace had a star design, the delicate weave making them look almost like constellations.
“Taehyun will like these, he likes stargazing.” Yeonjun said, gently touching the duvet next to the lingerie.
“I thought the same.” Kai smiled, smoothing the fabric out with such a gentle touch.
“You seem to really like this.” Yeonjun noted. Kai had never asked to dress any of the rest of them up before today (to his knowledge), and he wondered why.
“I do.” Kai admitted, nothing to hide.
“What about it does it for you?”
“I think it’s because it makes me feel like I’m taking care of him. You too, now that you want to try it.” Kai paused to carefully fold up the black bodysuit and place it back in the dresser where he’d gotten it.
“I probably like to dom for the same reason you like to sub. I like being good for you guys. To you guys.” Kai continued. “I like knowing that you’re safe with me. That you feel good because of me. That I can give you what you need. I think the clothes are an extension of that.”
“Makes sense." Yeonjun said, nodding along.
“Doesn’t hurt that I’m dating some of the most attractive men on the planet.” Kai chuckled.
“Is there a reason you’ve only dressed up Taehyun until now?”
“Not really. I’m sure I would have asked you at some point if you hadn’t asked me first, you’re gonna look so pretty, noona.” Kai smiled at him and Yeonjun found himself smiling back. He really loved this man.
“And the others?” Yeonjun was just too curious.
“I’m not sure if this counts, but I spent a long time designing the collar I give Beomgyu when we’re alone. It’s custom, you don’t even want to know how much I spent on it.”
Kai was still standing by the open dresser drawer, and he turned to peer into it, presumably at the luxurious collar in question. Yeonjun wondered what else was in there, he had such a tendency to spoil them.
“I’d say that counts.”
“And Soobin, well, you know how it is with Soobin.”
Kai and Soobin tended to stick to kisses and cuddling when it was just the two of them. They weren’t particularly compatible in bed, but they had no problem getting along when one of the other members was between them.
“I think it’s sweet.” Yeonjun said, waving a hand vaguely at the dresser and the dark blue set still on the bed. “I can’t wait to see what you pick out for me.”
“Is there anything you don’t want to wear?” Kai asked.
“Nope. I trust your judgement, make me pretty Kai-yah.”
“You already are.” He said with the softest of smiles.
-
Yeonjun left the room so Kai could finish getting everything ready for his maknae night of iniquity.
Beomgyu and Soobin were cuddled up on the couch watching some chaebol drama or another. They both had damp hair and dopey smiles on their faces, and if Yeonjun squinted he could see redness still fading from Beomgyu’s neck.
“How’s your night going?” Yeonjun asked them teasingly as he moved to join them on the couch.
“I think we should be asking you that, I think the whole building could hear you.” Beomgyu teased back.
“You’re one to talk.” He shot back.
“You know what they say about glass houses.” Soobin spoke up to say, looking between them with a raised brow. They were the loudest in the group, no question, but Yeonjun would die on the hill that Beomgyu was louder.
“You know you like it.” Yeonjun fired back at him.
“Hm. I didn’t say I didn’t, I like anything when it’s you guys.”
“What did you do to him, Gyu, why is he being all sappy?” Yeonjun clutched his heart dramatically.
“Oh shut up and come cuddle with me.” Soobin rolled his eyes. And well, Yeonjun couldn’t argue with that logic so he moved to cuddle up to Soobin’s side that wasn’t already occupied by Beomgyu.
He’d missed most of the episode and didn’t even know what show they were watching, so he let his mind wander in Soobin’s safe hold until the episode ended.
“So.” He said as the credits started to roll. “Kai mentioned something about a leash?”