Archive of Our Own

If you were to ask Dan Heng what his least favourite feeling was (not that he would ever tell you) it would be feeling helpless.

Dan Heng prided himself as the guard of the Astral Express. It was a job exclusive to him and only him. At first it was merely a duty he received but soon it became his livelihood.

Seeing his family safe and sound eased his heart and to hear them call upon him for aid swelled his chest.

His urge to keep them safe was borderline reckless as he often jumped in front of them with quick reflexes to take the brunt of the hit or to push them out of the way, yet he never saw it as recklessness because he was confident of his capabilities.

Yes, he was confident in his job. It allowed him to walk with his head held high and his strides big. The crew’s constant affirmations to rely on him only increased his confidence and where he lacked; he worked hard to improve because he was able to.

His ability to learn quickly made him a reliable archivist. He could read faster than most people and he absorbed information like a vacuum. He could come up with solutions quickly and fix contraptions he had never seen before by picking them apart long enough.

He was Dan Heng, the guard and archivist of the Astral Express and he was good at it.

-.-

Stelle clapped as the clock in front of her began to function. It was a funny looking clock with dents all around, as if someone had smashed it against something repeatedly in frustration. Not only that, but it had a life-like solar system that circled around the sun once to indicate the passing of a day.

Finding all the little planets connected to it had been a hassle and Dan Heng had given his usual sigh of exasperation when he saw her clothes matted with garbage.

‘At least it wasn’t wet this time!’

The only response she got was the narrowing of his eyes before he dragged her to her bathroom to scrub her hair clean. Once she was out, she began tinkering with the clock but the parts had been too confusing to figure out on her own so she had to beg Dan Heng to help her fix it.

Despite his initial disgruntled expression, he was sincere in his commitment to aid her. They washed the parts thoroughly and Dan Heng stayed up late next to her, trying to fix the clock.

And after a week of work, the clock began to turn and Stelle couldn’t help but clap in amazement. His hands were covered in oil and sweat but her happiness refreshed his heart. A gentle smile caught his lips as he watched her tilt her head to follow one of the planets. The paint of it had scraped off so he had given her paint to decorate the planets as she pleased. It just so happened that the planet she followed was the one that represented him with green and white colours.

‘Master Dan Heng, you fixed it!’

‘Don’t call me that.’

Stelle merely grinned teasingly as she poked the clock. In the quietness of the train, the only thing that captured his attention was the girl in front of him whose eyes filled with wonder just because of something he did.

Once again, his heart swelled, hoping the moment could last forever.

-.-

Dan Heng could protect his loved ones from many things. He lost count how many projectiles he had deflected from hitting someone or the number of times he grabbed March to stop her from getting blasted away, or even running to stop kitchen fires because Himeko had placed a metal object in the microwave again.

But he could never protect them from being mortal. He could not stop the wrinkles from forming near Himeko’s eyes or the slouch that formed when March could no longer walk properly.

Himeko did not change much other than her appearance. As always, her gentle nature translated well into her old age. Her coffee got even more bitter from her fading taste buds but Dan Heng still drank them fine to test his will.

Dan Heng could never forget the gratitude he felt for her since she had been the one to invite him onto the express. She had given him the chance to change his life and that had set him onto a path filled with love.

It was no wonder he couldn’t let go of her hand when she no longer moved from her bed. He hadn’t been there to see her dying breath and only found out when he walked in. The air had been suffocating and her chest no longer rose and fell to indicate life. Her hand that usually patted his head when he visited laid in between his hands as he sat on the floor next to her. Stelle could only watch from the doorway as the man’s silence screamed his pain.

But no one came to disturb him as he mourned the loss of the person who gave him a home.

A few decades later, his face had grown older but still very much youthful. A few decades were nothing to the lifespan of the Vidyadhara and it was uncanny to see his friend appearing much older than him. March, who he had always seen as his younger sister, became old and brittle. Her arms shook constantly after wielding the bow for so long and he often had to be the one to pour her drinks and carry her things. He was the cane when she needed to climb up the stairs and held her steady when she insisted on trying to stay standing when the train jumped to the next location. 

Despite still spitting back at him and whining about how annoyed he made her, Dan Heng couldn’t help but wished she would stay young a little longer so that he could berate her a bit more. It was too harsh to scold a frail old lady, especially one that thought of him as a stranger sometimes.

The day March passed was the day she collapsed onto the floor without warning. The remaining crew had rushed her to the hospital but unless they were willing to dabble into immortality, there was nothing they could have done.

In her last moments, her eyes landed on the crew and a flicker of recognition filled her as a tear slid down her cheek, ‘You guys… Where have you been? I’ve missed you…’

The train had dulled since then. The colourful sound of chaos no longer filled the walls and all that remained were three quiet ones and the conductor.

While their conversations were not as lively, they often spent their time in one’s room to find comfort in each other’s presence. Whether it would be discussing the next mission or simply to do their own thing, it was always together.

Welt lived longer than the average human lifespan but his age appeared to be catching up to him. It may not be his body that would deteriorate but he still had the mind of a human and it became obvious that the weary soul was looking for rest soon.

Then there was the anomaly that was Stelle. Stelle didn’t know what she was. Dan Heng didn’t know what she was. Neither did Welt nor the Data Bank. But what he could conclude was that she might not be a short life species.

While his face had grown mature and his height went up a little taller, Stelle remained youthful. He could not spot any aging on her, no wrinkle to her eye nor a hint of saggy skin. She was the same as when he first met her.

Dan Heng began to fear the loneliness she would feel if she outlived him. He had always assumed the burden of loneliness would have been given to him but as his face matured while hers didn’t, Dan Heng dreaded that it wouldn’t be him.

He spent countless nights in the Data Bank room pondering the inevitable and what could be done. Maybe not to stop the inevitable, but to alleviate the pain that would come. But the more he thought, the more frustrated he became. Life and death were pre-determined, but why did it have to be lonely for the ones that will be left behind?

‘Dan Heng,’ an unchanging voice reached his ears. Dan Heng turned to see Stelle opening the door to the Data Bank. His gaze softened seeing her tired state as she made her way to him and tugged his sleeved insistently, ‘Time for bed.’

Dan Heng kept his things and stood, noting the way he could see further on top of her head than he once could. When he first met her, they had been very similar in height but as time passed his eyes had reached just above her height and his lips could reach her forehead easily.

He often had to raise his heels a bit to reach her forehead or tilt her head low enough but now all he needed to do was tilt his head up a bit and his lips were on it.

Arms wrapped around him and nothing was spoken as he lifted her sleepy form in his arms and led the two of them back to their shared bedroom. As they laid side by side, the biting grip on his back and arm told him she wasn’t feeling well.

‘I’m here,’ he whispered, ‘I’m still here.’

‘For how long?’

‘I still have plenty long to go, so just think about now,’ he tilted her head up and leaned over her. The warmth of her breath tickled his chin before the tug from her made their lips press together

‘I want to forget that dream I had.’

He hummed, listening to her wishes as his hand slid under her shirt and he disappeared under the blankets. Everything was the same. Every mole and dimension. The only thing that showed her growth was the scars she received in battle.

He kissed every single story she received from them, indications that she was not timeless. He didn’t want her to be for the loneliness that came with it would be too much to bear. She could grow so surely, she could soar one day to meet everyone else.

-.-

‘I think my time is coming soon,’ Welt spoke. The three of them were sitting on a cliff next to the view of grassy fields and a beautiful lake in the distance. The view of Earth was beautiful from that height.

From there Dan Heng could feel the water singing with the birds, swaying in dance with the environment around it. But its happiness did not coincide with the emotion wafting around the three of them.

Welt’s cane stood tall in front of him, laying aid for his hands to rest on. While he had not aged much physically, the two could tell he was tired. Even a pillar would corrode over time and the one holding Dan Heng and Stelle up was giving them time to find their footing before it fell and collapsed.

‘I’ve found home. I think it’s time for me to return to my family before they throw a tantrum.’

‘If it brings you comfort, then you should spend time where you are at ease the most. We will be fine, Mr. Yang,’ Dan Heng assured. Welt reached out, his hands moved to pull the two into his shoulders as their heads knocked against his.

The scent of musk and vanilla weaved through air and the two found themselves burying their faces in the old man’s scarf as his hand patted their heads, ‘The journeys that I’ve had with you two have been the happiest I’ve been. You will always be my family and I am happy to have met you two. Keep each other company and take care of each other.’

-.-

The train became quieter. Dan Heng found Stelle in a black dressing gown leaning against the parlor window, like a mourning dress, but he said nothing as her pointy finger poked at the solar-system clock he fixed all those years ago.

‘Does it need to be fixed again?’

Stelle nodded, her gaze unmoving as she pressed the little planet that was his, ‘Yours stopped moving.’

Dan Heng walked over and sat opposite her before slowly opening up the device. He knew the device inside and out by then with the numerous times he had picked it apart or fixed it. Even when certain parts no longer sold, he went out of his way to have them made just so he could keep that little happiness for Stelle going on a little while longer.

With a little maneuver and adjustments, the clock began to move again. A small but sad smile crept to her lips as she tilted her head to follow his planet again. It was a spitting image to when he first fixed it for her but he didn’t comment. Reminding her of her unchanging age would only hurt her.

There was sadness that neither of them wanted to talk about. The silence remained between them as they watched the planets move in orbit around its sun. When Dan Heng glanced at her, he could see how she got lost in the movements of the planets surrounding her, the star.

‘Stelle,’ he called out softly.

There was no sound of acknowledgment but her looking at him was enough for him to hold out his hand. She was confused by the gesture but took it. And when he stood, she did as well.

His free hand slid to her waist and his hand guided her to sway with him across the parlor floor. Stelle followed suit lazily, resting her head on him while her other arm wrapped around his broad shoulders.

It was just two, surrounded by the cosmos as they swayed around the room with only Dan Heng’s hum to follow. He didn’t like to sing but he refused to let the silence play and wanted to remind her that she was not isolated. The tune was made up but with how slow they were moving; there was no fear of stepping on toes.

Stelle eventually pulled away and looked up to him. Dan Heng responded by pressing his forehead to hers and she nuzzled her nose against his. His eyelashes brushed against her eyelid and she tilted her head further to feel the little details of his presence.

‘For how long?’ Her whisper didn’t hide her wavering voice.

‘Many more still to go,’ he replied, cupping face and kissing her eyelids, ‘I’m still here, so just think of how I am now.’

‘I love you,’ she spoke, a tear sliding down, ‘I love you; I love you, I love you.’

Her repeated proclamation sounded more like her begging for more time with him. His lips found hers and they were firm as he wiped away the tear with his thumb. ‘I love you too. I love you, I love you, I love you.’

A sobbed gasp left her lips as she pulled him into another kiss. She kissed him desperately, as if to give him part of her lifespan so that they would be equal and die together. Dan Heng kissed back knowing it wouldn’t work but he did what he could to comfort her even if it was just for a bit. And maybe, just hoping it would work.

-.-

Dan Heng hated being helpless. That much Stelle knew. They both knew that with old age came with complications yet she did not expect that becoming helpless would be like a first death to him.

It wasn’t a quick death but rather one that came gradually. Stelle began to notice when he became more sluggish in battle. His reflexes weren’t as quick when he tried to jump in front of her and instead of deflecting the blow, he took it, letting an arrow pierce into his shoulder.

When she wrapped his wound that night, his face was unreadable. His lips were pursed and his bangs covered his eyes to prevent her from looking. She decided not to and focused on carefully wrapping the gauze.

‘Does it hurt a lot?’

‘I think so.’

Stelle never realized how much older Dan Heng’s voice sounded until that moment. The youthful lightness had been gone and she was sure it had been gone for a while, replaced with a raspier yet softer tone. Her hand reached out to slide down his back to comfort him, and yet all she could think of was how the once strong back that used to protect her was starting to become frail.

Even his powers exhausted him quicker and she often saw him massaging his knees and shoulders a lot after a battle. She tried to ease his pain by massaging them for him, but that seemed to bring another kind of pain for him. He wouldn’t stop her but he would go quieter than usual and barely spoke unless spoken to.

His energy was no longer what it once was and when his stamina ran low, Stelle had to be the one to protect him. It was no longer danger that he saw in front of him, but the back of a woman getting injured for him.

Stelle never saw the expression Dan Heng made when he realized he had his first death. She never saw the cold emptiness that washed through him the moment he realized he was killed despite her lance blocking what could have stabbed through his heart. It may be intact physically but when he pressed his hand to his chest, it felt as if he could slip his fingers right through and reach the other side. Such pain was quiet when it happened.

-.-

After winning a particularly harsh battle, Stelle had been treating the wound on her arm when gentle hands pried the gauze off her fingers and began wrapping it carefully around her arm.

Stelle didn’t need to see who it was to know that it was Dan Heng. The scent of rain gave it away and she recognized his touch from anywhere. He didn’t say anything while treating her injuries and she said nothing in return. The two had learned that sometimes quietness was the best option.

He didn’t ask where she got her injuries from. He already knew, he was there every time when he had been too late to react or when she had jumped in front of his view to stop him from getting another fatal attack. He could count the number of injuries she had that wasn’t because of him on one hand.

‘… I think this is my last expedition.’

Stelle looked up to face a melancholy wave of teal staring right back at her, his voice was steady but she could see the raging storm in his eyes as he spoke, ‘I think… It’s time for me to step back for your own safety.’

Stelle could not remember the last time (or any time really) where not being around Dan Heng was the safer option. He had always been her picture of safety, and his presence fighting alongside her no matter the enemy had always made her confident that their battle could be won. Yet, Stelle could only widen her eyes in horror when she realized that she couldn’t rebuke him.

-.-

Dan Heng dedicated his time to the Data Bank. His usefulness was not lost. He still had time to aid her when she needed information on the planets they were visiting. He could still walk and study books without fighting and he could still learn.

When Stelle was getting ready for her missions, a short report would always be ready for her to read before heading to a planet. The reports were what the Data Bank had on planets and important things to take note of such as etiquette, environment, and social norms. They were very useful for the newer crew and it rescued them from any social issues that could have risen during their visits.

Stelle would tell him as such, making sure to go into great detail about how his report helped them during the mission. Despite trying to hide it, Stelle could see the red in his ears and a small smile on his face that gave away the pride he felt for being able to help.

He deserves such praise. His reports were always concise and easily digestible that Stelle looked forward to every single one.

But even that did not last long for Dan Heng. His eyesight became blurry and his brain worked slower than usual. Stelle noticed he would have trouble computing a question she asked him or would misread many of the entries and nearly landed them in trouble.

When Dan Heng would read it out to her, she would point out some words he got wrong and the man would go quiet.

‘I’m sorry. I read it wrong,’ he would say after a pause and Stelle hated the sting that would settle in her chest throughout the day.

When he got glasses, she often saw him taking them out and putting them back in when he was reading texts. Stelle soon realized he was comparing his eyesight with the glasses. She later learned that his prescription was only getting higher.

The Data Bank was not all-knowing and the journey of the trailblaze was to find the unknown. As new solar systems and planets were found, discoveries that go against their logic ripped askew their understanding of many things. Things that Dan Heng once knew from his own logic started to become complacent.

His abilities were not as sought out anymore and Stelle could only watch as the crew became less dependent on him.

-.-

Stelle could feel Dan Heng’s gaze as he watched her from the doorframe of their bedroom. It was a habit he formed when he wanted to do something for someone. Stelle could tell his fear of uselessness was starting to agitate him.

She sat on the table with her hands moving to fix a simple device that one of the crew members had asked for her to fix. Not Dan Heng. Her.

He had tried to fix one of those devices before but quickly realized he didn’t understand the mechanics of it. Despite picking it apart multiple times, the gears in his mind wouldn’t churn for him. And in the end, they decided to discard the broken device and got themselves a new one.

Stelle knew the only reason he didn’t approach her was because he didn’t know how to fix it. He didn’t know how to help her or be useful to her.

‘Dan Heng, could you get me the toolbox from the storage room? I think I’m missing some screws, oh, and some tea, I like yours best,’ the woman asked after finding the courage to face him.

Her husband nodded and left to get something done. When Stelle no longer felt his presence, she leaned back into her chair and let out a breath. Her eyes scanned the room to find something, anything that would ease the ache in her chest.

Soon in the distance, resting next to the bedside table was the clock Dan Heng had fixed. It moved fine and was working properly. The time was correct and the gears had been sufficiently oiled; there was nothing that needed fixing yet Stelle stood and walked over to the clock. Her hands traced over the device before a snap of her wrist caused one of the planets to come off and a push of her finger caused the time to move one hour late.

Yet it didn’t satisfy her, she knocked it off the table and it fell with a loud thud, causing pieces to fly everywhere and she picked it all up. There was the sound of rushed footsteps up the stairs and Dan Heng was at the door with a worried expression, ‘What happened? Are you okay?’

Stelle held up the busted device in her arms, ‘I dropped this. Could you fix this?’

She had hoped to see a happy expression but all she saw was a complicated sad smile as if he had known her intention before he nodded and gingerly took the device from her, ‘You’re clumsy even after all these centuries.’

‘That’s because you spoil me.’

‘I do, and I’ll continue to,’ he placed the clock down on the desk and went back to getting the toolbox and her tea. When he returned, the two worked quietly to fix their respective devices and Stelle realized that the ache in her chest seemed to ease lightly after seeing him get to do something.

-.-

Stelle could have dodged that attack easily. She was hardly injured in any way but she let it hit, allowing the sword to slice her arm before she took down the enemy. It bled and a crew mate ran up to her, ‘We should get that treated!’

‘It’s okay. Dan Heng will do it.’

-.-

‘Stelle, I may be old but I’m not oblivious,’ there was a firmness in Dan Heng’s voice. One that makes her shrink in guilt as he scolds her.

She didn’t say anything as he cleaned her wound to prevent any infections, ‘I know what you’ve been doing. I know you’re worried for me. But this is too far.’

‘I just want you to be the one to take care of me,’ Stelle tried to argue weakly.

Dan Heng let out a familiar exasperated sigh but it wasn’t as lighthearted as it used to be. It was one filled with sadness and worry, ‘I’ll always take care of you, Stelle. How do you think I feel when you come home injured and I couldn’t be there to protect you? It hurts me more to see you return with injury than having nothing to do.’

Stelle realized the error of her ways and shrunk lower. ‘I’m sorry.’

There was silence before she felt a hand cup her cheek, guiding her to face him. She realized it’s been a while since she saw him eye to eye. The reality of his mature face and greying hairs hit her full force and she pulled her lips back to prevent her emotions from surfacing.

‘Stelle,’ he spoke softly, pressing his forehead to hers. ‘I know I’m not the man I once was, but I’m not as pathetic as you think I am. I have accepted this fate long ago; I am content being loved by you.’

Stelle sniffed as her throat clawed at her. He didn’t know. He didn’t know how she saw the way he stood and watched her when he wanted to do something, he didn’t know how his ears drooped when he couldn’t understand how the new machinery worked and he didn’t know how his eyes dulled when his knowledge wasn’t needed by the crew.

‘I know,’ he insisted, ‘I know, and I have grievances with my current capabilities but Stelle, that is not your burden to bear.’

The woman pursed her lips and Dan Heng tilted her head to give her a soft kiss, despite knowing something like that wouldn’t convince her. ‘Okay, I have a request then. One that will make me very happy.’

Her eyes finally flickered to him as she listened, ‘I want you safely returned home after every mission, the less I have to treat you the better, and I want you to ask me for help only because you need it. Can you do that? Only if you need me.’

‘… I-I’ll try,’ Stelle replied quietly, tilting her head forward and allowing Dan Heng to knock his forehead against hers softly.

‘I’m still here.’

‘For how long?’

‘Long enough. So just focus on what you want now.’

Stelle leaned her body closer to Dan Heng. Her hand slid up his chest and his eyes softened as he pulled her onto his lap, ‘I want something right now. Something that only you can give. Something I need.’

His hands slid up her back as his tail wrapped around her. His touch was cold but refreshing, like cool ice after a hot summer day. Stelle sighed in content as his tall nose trailed up her throat and his soft lips found her jaw.

‘Make me forget.’

‘I’d rather make you think about how much you love me, right now,’ Dan Heng chuckled, his lips finding her own, suckling on her bottom lip before catching her by surprise as he lifted her off the couch.

She gasped before wrapping her limbs around him. Her eyes met his and she couldn’t help but feel a chill up her spine as he made his way to their bed. Her back landed onto the mattress with a soft thud and he loomed over her. His hands found hers and they intertwined as he pinned her to the bed, ‘Maybe I’ll remind you that my age hasn’t tempered my passion. 

‘Yes, please,’ she breathed as his lips found hers once more.

-.-

‘Stelle, can I teach you something?‘

Dan Heng’s request caught his wife off guard but she nodded and he sat her in front of their desk as he placed a device on the table. It looked like a beacon device but was smaller and just slightly bigger than the size of her palm.

As he picked it apart, Stelle could already tell it was an older device that he was familiar with.

‘What’s this?’

‘I’m teaching you how to fix this and how to make it.’

‘What does it do?’ Her curiosity was piqued.

Dan Heng began to lay out the parts neatly. ‘That isn’t important right now, what you need is to know how to fix this and know what parts are needed and how to get them.’

Stelle was confused but she trusted Dan Heng nonetheless. She followed his instructions and built it perfectly, ‘Ta-da!’

Dan Heng checked the device and she saw as he turned it on and the screen lit up but he hid it from her view before turning it back off and placing it down in front of her.

‘Good now pick it apart and do it again.’

‘Huh?’

‘Do it.’

Stelle listened and after ten consecutive successes, Dan Heng made her look away and shuffled the items, ‘Now fix it.’

She was confused but did it again but realized a piece was missing, ‘Something’s missing.’

‘What is?’

‘The wire for this third slot.’

‘What does that wire do?’

‘Connects the screen to the device.’

That answer satisfied Dan Heng and he opened his palm to reveal the missing wire. Stelle fixed it back into place. He tested her a few more times before leaving with approval.

The encounter confused her but she decided not to question it.

-.-

It happened the very next day and Dan Heng tested her in various ways like destroying a piece and making her get new ones or make new ones from scratch.

His little experiment spanned months; there wasn’t a day where he would make her pick apart the device and fix it. He would teach her every step of the way before making her learn it on her own. Stelle began to wonder if that was his way of coping with his grievances. To teach her something as a way to share his knowledge. So Stelle never complained.

It got to the point where she knew the device like the back of her hand and knew each material and part needed to make the device. He could probably drop her in a desert and she would probably have found a way to build it.

The parts were so ingrained in her brain; she practically babbled them in her sleep much to Dan Heng’s amusement.

Yet the more Stelle learned about the device, the harder it was to brush off the melancholy look on Dan Heng’s face. It was as if he was waiting for something that was coming and Stelle didn’t like the feeling of that but she promised Dan Heng not to carry all of his burdens.

‘Could you tell me what it’s for now?’

‘Not yet, I’ll teach you when it’s time. Just remember to do this regularly so you don’t forget. Times change and you might never get an instruction manual for it.’

‘Well, I have you.’

Dan Heng smiled and Stelle’s eyebrows furrowed as she quickly looked away. There was an ugly feeling in her chest that appeared the second she looked at that smile and she couldn’t continue keeping her eyes on it. She hated it.

‘I have you, I still have you.’

She crossed her arms stubbornly and something pressed against her back as his arms wrapped around her figure. ‘You do, I’m still here.’

Stelle didn’t dare to ask for how long, not anymore.

-.-

Stelle awoke to the feeling of a thumb brushing under her eye repeatedly. Had she been crying in her sleep? She blinked awake to see her husband staring back at her with slightly parted lips as he rubbed the corner of the eye repeatedly.

‘Is something there?’

Dan Heng tensed as if slightly startled before he let out a breath and pushed his face closer to rub the corner of her eye again, ‘I think I see a wrinkle.’

Stelle’s eyes widened as she heard his words. Normally, any person would loathe to hear such a thing, especially from their lover, but his words caused her to suck in a breath as her lungs suddenly felt light.

‘Really?’

Dan Heng nodded as if confident in what he saw. Stelle jumped from her bed and rushed to the bathroom. She leaned her face to the mirror, practically pressing her nose against it as she checked her eyes. There was no mistaking it, it was a wrinkle, and Stelle couldn’t help but release a breath of relief upon seeing it and excitement began to replace its space.

When she saw Dan Heng approach her from the door, her grip on the sink hardened as she collapsed on the floor. Her husband caught her with ease as she sobbed into his chest.

Maybe, just maybe it wasn’t forever.

-.-

Stelle noticed Dan Heng had been quiet for a while.

He often wandered around the train aimlessly and stared ahead at nothing. He seemed unaware of his surroundings at times and usually had to be called on multiple times before he snapped out of his trance to focus on whoever called him.

It happened at short intervals at first but soon began to last a whole day if no one talked to him.

Stelle approached her husband sitting on the parlor couch as he stared out the window; looking for what? She didn’t know.

‘Dan Heng?’ She called softly, tilting her head to try to make eye contact with him only to see that his eyes were duller than usual and far away.

‘Dan Heng,’ Stelle said, slightly louder. His gaze didn’t move to acknowledge her but his ear twitched as if having heard her but the words that left him were distant.

‘Water… I need water…’

There was a cold feeling that pricked up her fingers and she found herself losing control of them for a second before she forced a breath to ground herself, ‘Okay, I’ll get you something to drink.’

She returned with a cold mug of water and Dan Heng looked confused as she handed it to him but didn’t comment as he sipped on it quietly. Stelle joined him on the couch, pressing herself to his side as she picked apart the device he taught her before putting it back together again. For some reason, she had started to feel the need to practice it once a day recently.

Giving Dan Heng water didn’t snap him out of his trance. No matter what kind of drink she gave, he didn’t snap out of it. It took her a while to realize that his aimless wandering was led by the sound of water in the train.

The sound of Shush pouring a drink, the sound of her showering, the sound of Pom-Pom’s mop dipping into the bucket. Dan Heng was always there staring for a second before he wandered off when he realized it was not what he was looking for.

He spent more time in the shower as well and when Stelle went in, she often saw him asleep in the bathtub. She had to wake him or he would have stayed there for hours.

Stelle didn’t want to admit it, she wanted to stay blissfully unaware but she knew her husband well and she knew what he craved wasn’t just any sort of water. She knew better than to keep him away from it.

-.-

The sight of the ship in front of her was as magnificent as ever and Dan Heng seemed to agree as such as well. The Vidyadhara was pressed against the window with both palms on the glass as he watched the blue light in front of him shine down on him.

Stelle tried to ignore the ache in her chest as she reached out to grab his hand. ‘Dan Heng, let’s go on a date!’

He took a second to process before he nodded, ‘Date. Okay.’

His hand intertwined with hers and she bid goodbye to the crew after he left to change and the two descended to the ship. The second they landed, Dan Heng was already walking in one direction.

Stelle squeezed his hand and tugged him in another direction, ‘Dan Heng! The restaurant is this way. Let’s eat there.’

A second and then two before Dan Heng nodded. ‘Okay.’

She brought him to an expensive restaurant. ‘Don’t worry, I’ll pay for everything! I earned a lot during my last paycheck!’

The waiter brought them in and they sat across from each other. Stelle picked up the menu and began to scan the food but as she peeked at Dan Heng, he was looking left at where he had wanted to go.

No, just a little bit. Just stay with me a little while longer.

Stelle reached out and slid the menu into his hands manually, guiding them to hold the paper. ‘Do you see anything you like?’

Dan Heng's eyes were still glazed over as he stared at the menu and her hand pressed over his. ‘Dan Heng.’

She didn’t realize her voice sounded so broken as she pleaded for his attention. Finally, his eyes flickered and she almost cried seeing the present return to him, ‘Do you want anything?’

He scanned the menu before replying, ‘Fried fish… and mung bean soda.’

Stelle cringed but a smile was brought to her lips, ‘I can’t believe you still like that.’

‘It’s an acquired taste.’

‘Or you just have weird taste,’ she teased and her heart leapt when she heard him chuckle.

Stelle ordered beef for herself and as the food arrived, the two were able to chat more animatedly with each other. For that moment, Stelle could forget everything else and enjoyed the presence of her lover.

Once they were done eating, Stelle continued to drag him through Aurum Alley, tasting more food stalls and trying more drinks. Despite her excitement, her hand gripped his unrelentingly. She was scared to let go and wouldn’t let it go even when he protested; he needed two hands to eat.

‘Let me help feed you then,’ she insisted and he obliged. They held either ends of the food for him to bite into before he offered her the second bite. The two ate together and her heart eased a bit.

An immersia was being played and Stelle rushed to get him to watch it together. Stelle didn’t care what it was, she just wanted to spend more time with him. As the screen played, her head rested on his shoulder while she watched the actors act out their dramatic scene.

A few times Stelle laughed but Dan Heng didn’t, he wasn’t the type to react to immersias but it was too quiet and when Stelle turned, she noticed his gaze was no longer on the screen but towards the exit.

‘Dan Heng,’ she tried to get his attention but it wasn’t working. When she tried to tug him, he only stood and when she tried to stop him, he had already walked away.

Stelle ran after him, leaving their things abandoned as she feared another sort of abandon. She caught up to him by the time they reached outside and both her hands were clasped around his, ‘W-Was the immersia boring? Shall we find something else to do? I think there’s a performance happening…’

She tried to tug him to another direction but the hand that had been following her finally resisted. He didn’t budge from his spot despite Stelle’s insistence.

‘Dan Heng?’ Her eyes were teary and desperate. The man reached out despite his far-off look and wiped the tears before they could fall.

‘Can I go?’

No. Not yet.

‘…Okay. Can I come with you?’

Dan Heng nodded. ‘Okay.’

-.-

The sea below her was cold as the two of them walked down the shore of Scalegorge Waterscape. The waves washed through their feet as it was her turn to follow Dan Heng through the beach.

Their walk was silent, the only assurance she had was that his grip on her was tight as well, which meant that he didn’t want to let her go just yet.

He was beautiful as he walked, still tall despite his old age and the wind blowing through his locks didn’t hide his still handsome face. Stelle couldn’t help but watch him, his beauty was ethereal as he slipped away from her.

Finally, he came to a stop and Stelle wished they could walk a little further but Dan Heng took a seat in the water, where it reached just below his knees. Stelle followed suit, wetting her clothes to join his side.

Dan Heng let out a breath as he scanned the place and he caught her by surprise when he rested his head on her shoulder. She didn’t realize how long it had been for him to initiate affection.

It was cruel but maybe in his last moments, being in the water had granted him back his senses. His hand slid into hers as the two watched the ocean waves wash against them.

‘I wish it had been me,’ Dan Heng confessed.

‘What do you mean?’

‘I wish it had been me who had to face such loneliness. Yet at the same time I can’t help but be happy that you’re beside me in my last moments. I wished this day would never come but I know it’s impossible.’

‘… I’m happy I’m here,’ Stelle admitted, ‘I’m happy to keep you company so you don’t feel lonely. I want to be here, I’ll continue to be here.’

Dan Heng nuzzled against her and Stelle tilted her head to rub her cheek against his temple. He spoke softly, ‘Thank you, for everything. For loving me, for marrying me, and staying with me no matter what. I lived a very happy life.’

Their hands were raised by him and the two watched as their rings glinted against each other. Their fingers moved to capture the beautiful bands in different angles before Dan Heng began to remove his ring.

Stelle protested, her lips parted in horror at the sight but Dan Heng quietly cooed to ease her as he slid his ring on top of hers, ‘When I go, I leave no body behind for you to bury. It will be lost at sea. That’s why I want you to keep it safe.’

His lips pressed against her ring finger and Stelle pressed it to hers as she tried her best to stop the tears from falling, ‘I promise, I’ll treat your reincarnation kindly and as his own. I won’t burden him like how you were burdened.’

Dan Heng nodded before letting out a sigh, ‘I don’t know. Maybe it’s just my feelings, but I think this is my last.’

Stelle frowned and she sucked in a breath to speak but she did not know what to say. It felt as if she had suddenly lost her ability to speak properly.

‘It’s gonna be okay. If I reincarnate, I trust you would keep your word. If I don’t, then remember, I’m not leaving you. I’ll just be going ahead for a bit to make sure the path is safe for you when you catch up, okay? It’s not forever, remember?’

‘Dan Heng…’ how many times had she called his name? A billion times, probably for the centuries they had spent together yet none will ever sound as pained as it did in that moment.

‘I love you, Stelle.’

‘I love you too.’

Dan Heng reached out and tilted her head down so that they faced each other; she could see the energy start to leave him as she supported him with her arm. He remained rested against her as his breathing began to slow.

His last remaining energy was used to tug her forward so that their lips could meet one last time before he became one with the sea.

-.-

Stelle didn’t cry on the way back but she couldn’t bring herself to talk to anyone either. She didn’t greet anyone when she returned to the Astral Express and walked up to her bedroom before sitting down on the floor next to his side of the bed. She knew that if she wet it, his scent would disappear sooner so she was careful not to let her lower half touch the bed.

As Stelle pressed her face into the sheets, she could smell the scent of rain he once emitted. The comfort of his presence embraced her.

Everything was quiet; or rather her brain couldn’t compute any sound coming her way as she lost herself in Dan Heng’s scent. He didn’t feel gone and a part of her believed he would come back into the room to take care of her some more but all that was left was silence.

Stelle couldn’t tell how long she stayed there before the sound of beeping awoke her from her slumber. It was an incessant beeping, almost annoying as she tried to find the source disrupting her mourning.

She followed the source of the beeping only to realize it came from her side of the bed. She hadn’t noticed a small box there before and went to grab it to pull it to her side. It was small enough to fit in her hand and was teal colored, the same colour as Dan Heng’s eyes.

Did he place it there?

She recalled he had disappeared into their room before they departed the Express, maybe it had been then. She opened the package to see that it was the same device that Dan Heng had taught her to build.

She picked it up gingerly and under it was a piece of paper. Stelle opened it expecting some parting words but instead all it had was instructions.

‘1. Press the first button for 3 seconds.

2.   Turn the knob to ‘520’.

3.   Press the first button once. Press it again to repeat.

4.   Press the second button once done or to stop.

5.   It resets at midnight, our system time, and works if you build a new one. Remember to practice.

6.   I love you.

Dan Heng.’

Stelle followed the instructions, pressing the button for three seconds which made the beeping stop. It lit up and a loading screen appeared in the shape of a heart before it asked for the next input.

‘Choose your channel’

Stelle didn’t need to turn the knob, it was already set at ‘520’ so she pressed the first button again. When the text disappeared, a new one took its spot.

‘Dear Stelle, it’s Dan Heng. Remember to take care of yourself. I’m still here. However long you need.’

There was no resisting the rush of emotion that pushed its way up her throat as a pained gasp left her. It was followed by another painful cry before the sobs left her more easily.

She pressed the device to her chest as she laid her body forward into the ground, cradling the device to protect it as her loud sobs filled the room. Her voice wailed out his name until her throat was sore as the extent of his love hit her harder than it ever did.

‘I love you, Dan Heng. I love you, I love you,’ she sobbed as she hugged it closer, hoping to fuse it into her heart forever but all she could do was let it dig into her skin. But it was enough and despite the lingering pain, Stelle's shoulders had felt lighter since then.

-.-

The messages came in multiple forms, sometimes in text, sometimes in pictures of her travels with him and the crew and sometimes she would receive the sound of him humming tunes for her to listen to.

‘You hate singing,’ she had said when the sound of his hums caught her by surprise the first time but she pressed it close to her ear as she fell asleep to his lullaby.

-.-

Thankfully there was no forever for her.

Dan Heng continued to keep company for another seven hundred years before Stelle would find herself bedridden in the Astral Express. The crew came and go, some she befriended and told stories to, some she knew in passing who only greeted her politely and some who pitied her.

But Stelle loved and welcomed them all like her family once did.

Her already grey hairs turned white and her skin become paler than usual but her love for trailblazing never faded. Her love for family remained strong and she made sure that she gave it to those she could.

‘Pom-Pom,’ Stelle spoke softly to the conductor who had come to visit her room to clean it.

The conductor waddled towards her and she lifted them up into her arms, ‘Hey! What do you think you’re doing?!’

Stelle wrapped her arms around the smaller creature and squeezed them tight, ‘You are so strong, Pom-Pom. You’re the best mascot ever!’

‘Hmph! Of course, I am!’ They replied, a mask of arrogance to hide their sadness.

The old woman buried her face into Pom-Pom’s fur, ‘I’m sorry for not being able to keep you company any longer. I’m sure the new crew will take care of you, so please don’t feel lonely.’

A soft paw pressed the top of Stelle’s head. ‘You will always be a Nameless, I will remember you always and the legacy you left behind to keep me company.’

Pom-Pom didn’t argue when their fur became wet from tears and allowed the Nameless to hug them.

-.-

The sound of soft humming filled her ear as a cool device was pressed to it. Her senses were duller than they used to be so she had to focus when listening to the sound of her husband’s humming.

The bed below her was soft and freshly changed with the help of others, making her as comfortable as can be. Her wrinkled hand was holding the device close and as the clock struck midnight, the device turned off, indicating that it had reset.

1… 2… 3…

She counted while pressing the first button and the faint light illuminated the room; she could see the solar-system clock resting on her bed stand. It no longer worked but it was preserved in memory of him. Only he had been allowed to fix it.

‘Choose your channel’

Stelle turned the knob slowly to reach ‘520’ before pressing the first button again. His voice spoke firmly yet gently into her ear.

‘I love you, Stelle.’

A smile reached her tired face and she pressed the first button again.

‘I love you, Stelle.’

She had gotten that message a thousand times but that had always been her favorite. Even with many of her memories blurry and faded, his words remained clear in her mind because of his reminder.

‘I love you, Stelle.’

She repeated once again before a soft content sigh left her, ‘I love you too… Dan Heng.’

As her eyelids drew heavy and her body became weak beyond return, Stelle held the device close to her chest as she awaited her fate.

On to the next expedition…

-.-

If you were to ask Dan Heng what his least favourite feeling was (not that he would ever tell you) it would be feeling helpless.

But he should rest assured knowing he never was.

For he was always there.