Chapter Text
Subaru Natsuki was about to die.
He was old—almost 100. His body was withered and frail. He was in bed most of the time, and when he did try to get up to do his exercises, a certain blond Spirit and blue-haired Oni forced him back down. Subaru complained and grumbled. Of course, they didn’t listen.
Now, lying in bed, having no strength left to even complain, his thoughts had time to wander. His life was wonderful. He had married the one he loved, Emilia. Rem also finally remembered him, and together, those two and Subaru had children. Emilia became Queen and had unfroze the forest, freeing some of her kind. Ah, what a sight it was!
His thought about Beatrice. He hoped that, in the end, that she would be happy with his children. Although he was worried about how his death would affect the Great Spirit, Subaru knew that she would never lock herself up or isolate herself again. That was all that mattered.
His thoughts then drifted to his friends, most of whom had already passed away. He missed them dearly: Otto, Garfiel, Felt, Crusch, Jullius, and all the others. Subaru was excited to see them all again. He wondered if there were parties in heaven and if his friends would throw one for him when he arrived. He imagined something like a birthday party, with a sign that said, ‘Welcome to Heaven, Subaru!’ Then he would go and hug them all, tell jokes, do exercises, and do other fun stuff until they got boring. In that case, they would just reincarnate together.
He shook those thoughts from his head. Probably not; they’d just jump him.
To sum it up, he was happy—real happy. Although his isekai life had been rough at the start, with him being dumb and all, and all the troubles with Return by Death, he ultimately achieved a good life. His happy ending. All the hard work he put in had paid off, and now he was dying an old man, content. He deserved it, after all, right?
He looked to his right, into the sad eyes of Beatrice, Emilia, Rem, Petra, and all his children. Reinhard was also there.
His flaming red hair had faded into grey. His body was wrinkly like any old man’s, but also not normal, because of the Divine Protection that he randomly gained to protect from aging. He had a couple of limbs missing from his fight with Satella. Other than that, he looked the exact same: same hairstyle, same outfit, even the same coolness as when they had first met.
Subaru smiled. Even at his age, Reinhard Van Astrea never failed to surprise him. He thought Reinhard was too old to visit him, but he came anyway. Subaru was surprised to see him at his “death party”. Reinhard smiled, saying, “It is my duty as a friend, after all, to look over my friend. I wouldn’t be a friend if I didn’t.” Again, his nice guy index was off the charts. Subaru didn’t know how he still kept it after fighting the Witch of Envy and Al. But he was Reinhard, after all. He was just built different. Subaru wouldn't be surprised if Reinhard had the Divine Protection of "Appearing at Random Moments." He would miss the fella.
Subaru sighed. He had only two regrets. First, he wished he could have created a better life for his friends; they deserved it, after all. He chose to ignore the times they killed him. “They didn’t know better,” he thought.
Second, he never got to say goodbye to his parents. Ever since he was isekai’d, he never thought about his parents much. Now, on death’s bed, he finally gave them some thought. Tears welled up in his eyes as he thought about them. They did their best, and yet, how did he treat them? Now, they were probably crying over him, if they weren’t already dead. He never had the chance to say "Thank you" or "I love you." But that was impossible now, he supposed. They were, quite literally, worlds apart.
Subaru looked at them all and gave Beako a last pat on the head. She pouted,“Betty forbids you to die, in fact. You haven’t given Betty 400 years yet, only 200 at most, I suppose.” Subaru sighed, “Beako, please, let me die in peace without getting berated again.” He teased the spirit. He sobered up and turned to the others. "Live a good life, alright?" he said to everyone. That was it—he really didn’t know what else to say. At that moment, he didn’t have any inspirational speeches or funny remarks. He just wanted to ensure they understood the importance of living a good life.
There was silence for a bit. Petra fidgeted. After reading the Subaru’s 「 Books of the Dead 」 , Petra almost went insane. Fortunately, after 6 months of mental healing, she was up and sleeping without the usual nightmares. Now Petra understood what life Subaru faced. She swore to protect him even with her life, if need be. Even now, she was on alert, making sure he had a peaceful death.
Finally, a silver-haired elf spoke."You dunderhead..." Emilia said, slamming her hand into his chest.
"Ow! You're so mean, Emilia-tan. Couldn’t you spare little old me?" Subaru teased, shaking his head and chuckling. "Who even says dunderhead at this time or age?"
Subaru started coughing violently. Beatrice and Rem immediately started trying to help him, but he knew his time was near.
Everyone had tears in their eyes. Beako was repeatedly stomping him, commanding him not to die. Rem was trying to find something to revive him. The rest just stood back, waiting.
“As it was, so it always was, so it always is, without change, so let's all go back to sleep….” Subaru closed his eyes.
With those wise words, Subaru Natsuki died.
“Hey, kid! You gonna buy something or not?”
Huh…
“Kid. You look like you've seen a ghost.”
Was this the beginning of his flashbacks? He heard that the brain lingers for seven minutes after death. It had to be some afterlife hallucinations. There was no way he had Returned by Death again, right?
Right?
“Wha..”
“Kid, we were talking about the Appas! Are you going to buy them or not?” The vendor, Kadomon, was visibly irritated.
“O-of course, hold on a minute.” Subaru reached into his pocket, instinctively fishing for the pocket change he usually had. It was gone, replaced by his wallet.
The wallet felt real, and his actions were independent. He opened it up. There was nothing inside, nothing but the 500-yen coin.
“Sorry, but I'm flat broke.”
“THEN GET OUT”
Subaru practically ran away. Stunned, he went into the nearest alley. He touched himself, the jersey. He checked the contents of his bags. They were the exact same. His cellphone? Looking at the date, it was the same one as when he was isekai’d. Subaru left the alley and wandered around Lugunica. He touched everything. They felt real. He accidentally cut himself on a thorn. Blood came out, and the pain was real.
He had truly Returned by Death.
Stumbling into a lone alleyway, he sank to his knees. “Wha…what happened? No…..No. Why…WHY DID I RETURN BY DEATH?” He screamed—all his memories, gone. Without a trace. He was back to the beginning. Point Zero. “I thought that maybe, just maybe, if I had a natural death, a happy one, then perhaps I could've moved on.” His mind screamed, and a mental breakdown was occurring.
He sat down against the wall, rocking back and forth. He was mulling, trying to find some other explanation, anything other than Return by Death. Perhaps it's just a super-real illusion. He had heard cases that cause you to hallucinate. Maybe he went insane right before his death—same point.
No, he had to be reasonable. He had Returned by Death. No matter how much he liked it, Subaru had RBD’d. He repeated it over and over in his brain.
“I’veReturnedbyDeathI’veReturned byDeathI’veReturnedbyDeathI’veReturnedbyDea-“
His brain started to hurt; he thought it might explo-
Clank. A coin fell next to him, spooking him from his trance. He looked over and saw his 500-yen coin. How did it fall out? His wallet hadn’t opened and wasn’t even out of his pocket. It was also shining unnaturally. Confused, he picked it up.
Suddenly, his head overflowed with memories. Memories that never happened. Routes he could've taken. All of it flashing through his head in an instant.
Then he heard a whisper. It was soft, almost comforting, yet emotionless.
You are Pride, Sin Archbishop.
You are Wrath, The Purge King.
You are Sloth, The One Who Left It All Behind With Your Overwhelming Pessissmism.
You are Greed, The “Perfect” One, The One Who Thrists For Tea.
You are Gluttony, The Forgotten One.
You are Lust, The Player.
You are Envy, The Spirit Knight.
Each time a sin was said, he relived that route.
He was horrified at Pride.
He was horrified at Wrath.
He was kinda glad at Sloth. At least
he and Rem were happy.
He was disappointed at Greed.
He was traumatized at Gluttony.
He was disgusted at Lust.
He was happy at Envy.
All of it became part of him. All his lives became one. His personality warped, fitting the info he just received. His appearance shifted as well.
Only one thought prevailed. Amidst the mess of who or what Subaru Natsuki was, this one thought fought above them all and came on top.
The burning light that would guide him.
“I will save everyone.”
The monitor flickered. The being watched this scene with interest, a smirk tugging at his lips.
“Interesting, Subaru Natsuki. Entertain me more.”