Work Text:
Subject: 14-15 team ((no more memes Rans)) (this is why we cant have nice things)
Ransom: operation: get bitty a date to the winter screw is a go
Holster: suggestions welcome
Shitty: is bits okay with this?
Bitty: No.
Ransom: no bro left behind bitty
Holster: we have yet to get you laid and this is our last chance to make it happen
Jack: Bittle can get a date on his own
Shitty: it's cute you have that much faith in him
Bitty: Shits! Not you too!
Holster: so what's your type bro?
Ransom: tall, dark and handsome?
Lardo: bright blue eyes, tall dark and handsome, makes my heart bah-beat like a bass drum
Shitty: lards what the fuck
Lardo: I'm Not Crazy by Tiffany Giardina. All I can hear when I see that phrase
Ransom: fair enough
Holster: so bits, td&h?
Bitty: I'm still not okay with this
Ransom: what about short, light and pretty?
Dex: average, tan and decent?
Holster: dude that was swawesome. I owe you a highfive
Nursey: I suggested "so-so" but he went with decent instead.
Ransom: either works
Over the next few days, the chat was filled with eligible queer bachelors and why Bitty should hook up with them.
Bitty: If I ask someone myself will y'all let this go?
Ransom: dude do u have some1 in mind?
Bitty: yes
Holster: swawesome who is it??
Bitty: I'll tell y'all if they say yes
The last text had been sent 2 minutes ago and Jack hadn't stopped staring at his phone. Realistically he knew that Bitty would only be asking a friend (if he was really asking anyone at all). But Jack still couldn't stop his mind from jumping to a worst case scenario where the "friend" Bitty took with him wanted to become more than friends by the end of the night.
He didn't have any texts from Bitty and figured that his boyfriend would at least let him know who he was taking as his date before the rest of the group. He really shouldn't have even been checking his phone since practice wasn't over yet, but Jack had had an unhealthy obsession with the group chat since Ransom and Holster stated their mission. Bitty apologized to him privately and assured him that he was trying to find a way to stop them. And Jack had of course brushed off the apology with the excuse of it being Rason and Holster.
Jack's phone then pinged and he quickly unlocked it to view the new message.
Bitty: She said yes!!!
Attached was a picture of Bitty and Lardo with their hands clasped together and heads touching like a happy couple.
Lardo: we're thinking a January wedding
Jack let out a soft laugh as he quickly typed out a reply and then put his phone away to start practice again. Of course Bitty had asked Lardo. The two had become very close and, since Shitty was typically her bro date, she'd need someone else to go with this year if she still didn't want to get a romantic date.
After practice Jack found several new messages on his phone.
Jack: I call best man
Bitty: You can't just call best man, it has to be offered to you
Lardo: if you don't want him, I'll take him for maid of honor
Shitty: fuck no that's my role. Lards I thought we were bros
Bitty: fine, Jack can be best man if it keeps the peace
Ransom: dude I better be invited
Holster: yeah we helped unite the happy couple
Lardo: well we need a groomsman and a bridesmaid so discuss amongst yourselves who gets what
Holster: that depends on the color of the dresses
Ransom: I don't know man I think I've got the better shoulders for it
Holster: you're right I'll stick with the suit
Dex: who else gets to come?
Bitty: Chowder is flower girl since he's the youngest in the family
Chowder: Yay!!!
Lardo: we'll skip ring bearers, too easy to mess up
Nursey: Dex and I can usher?
Dex: don't just sign me up for stuff
Nursey: you're the one who wanted to go to the wedding
Bitty: okay you can both usher and anyone else is just a guest. We want to keep it small
Lardo: it has to fit in the backyard of the Haus
Jack was about to drive back to his apartment when his phone gave one final ping.
Shitty:
wait... bits... IS THAT JACK’S FLANNEL???