Archive of Our Own

If you asked Eddie the first time he had a panic attack he would probably say in a suit shop with his son and then girlfriend after someone assumed she was Chris’ mother. But that was just the first time it had sent him to ER. They had actually been a constant throughout his life.

Like when he'd been taken to a mall and told to tell a creepy old man what he wanted for Christmas. He'd thrown up but before he could start hyperventilating his Abuela had taken him into her arms and whispered into his ear and they walked away the nearest toy shop (Abuela was nothing but one to spoil her grandchildren). And the next time he heard the story being told at him the laughter that accompanied it told him it couldn't have been that big of a deal.

There had been the time after losing a baseball game he'd hidden in the changing rooms so he didn't have to go home and face his dad. He didn’t understand the squirming feeling in his stomach, the pounding of his chest and feeling like he wanted to rip his skin off if it got the feeling to stop. But just as he was starting to feel disconnected from the world around him one of his teammates walked inside, slammed a hand to his arm and said simply, "We'll get 'em next time."

There was the time his hands were shaking so badly that he couldn’t do up his shoes the laces slipping from his fingers. Everything inside him wanted to bolt, run as far as he possibly could but Shannon, and their baby she was currently pregnant with, were waiting for him and his dad was driving him to the courthouse. There was a pressure on his chest and a weight on his shoulders he was sure would be there forever. He didn't feel like he could breathe but before that turned into breathless gasps a hand pushed his away and he looked up seeing Sophia kneeling in front of him, a look on her face he couldn't describe and she took over doing up the laces.

"You don't have to do this." She said her voice soft.

"Yes I do."

Before she could say another word they could hear their dad calling out his name the impending doom remained but he stood up and followed the call.

By now, however, he was more aware of his anxiety, his triggers and how he deals with them. He has coping strategies and help. But most of all he has Buck who can see it coming way before Eddie does. And that helps most of the time.

Eddie could not believe Buck had signed them up for this. He was walking up and down the aisle of the grocery store looking for the exact ingredient he needed while Buck stood by their cart tracking Eddie with his eyes.

"I think vanilla extract is just fine."

"Nope. It has to be almond." Eddie told him, crouching down to look on the lowest shelf.

"No one's going to notice it if it takes like vanilla instead of almond." Buck said.

Eddie looked at him over his shoulder, "It's not supposed to taste like it, it's supposed to elevate the flavours."

"Okay." Buck shrugged.

"This is why no one eats your loaves." Eddie muttered looking back at the shelf.

Buck looked at him in mock indignation, "You take that back."

"When was the last time you saw someone eat one Buck." Eddie asked him. "Chris doesn't even touch them." Buck watched Eddie for a moment more as he moved things on the shelf, peering around them when he wasn't his hands were always moving either flailing around in exasperation or one hand fiddling with the another. The anxiety pouring off him.

"We'll go to another store?" Buck offered. Eddie double took at him as if he was once more stunned that Buck would even entertain the idea. Eddie smiled softly at him, shoulders slumping. Buck's current aim in life was for Eddie's first reaction not to be surprise that he would do these things for him but it was a work in progress, lifetime of trauma working against him.

"It should be here." Eddie said standing up and checking behind the vanilla extract for the hundredth time as if it was just because he hadn't looked hard enough. Buck walked over to him wrapping his arms around Eddie's chest, pulling him back into his own and gently away from the shelves of baking ingredients.

"We can go to another store." Buck said into his ear. Eddie let himself be pulled away, Buck's arms dropped from where they were wrapped around Eddie put them he felt Buck's hand clasped around his own. "But it's the team so I really don't think they'll mind."

"It's the first dinner, in our new house, that we somehow own with the team and your sister and my tia and..."

"And they all love us." Buck reminded him, he lifted Eddie's hand and kissed it before taking hold of the cart once again.

Eddie took a breath and nodded then he stopped and looked at Buck.

"Wine." Eddie said, his breathing picking up already. "We’ve totally forgotten about wine." He turned around walking towards the right aisle. Buck sighed, affectionately, turning the cart around and following after Eddie. They walked to the correct aisle and watched as Eddie walked up and down not really knowing what he was looking for since he didn't really know much about alcohol, wine specifically. But as Buck watched him he was struck by a sudden, undeniable thought of I'm going to marry this man. And he couldn't stop the wide, undeniable smile forming on his face.

"Okay, do you promise not to kill me?" Maddie asked moving around the kitchen as she got them their coffees.

"Well, not when you say it like that." Buck scowled.

Maddie placed his mug down and waited until he looked at her, "You have to remember that I didn't plan this, I didn't call them, really, none of this is my fault."

"Oh god." Buck frowned. "What did you do?"

"Nothing!" Maddie argued. "I just answered a call and by the time I even knew what was happening—"

"Maddie." Buck groaned. "What are you talking about?"

Maddie, "Mom and dad are coming."

Buck rolled his eyes, but honestly, it didn't give him the dread it used too, they'd gotten to a place where they, kind of, understood each other. Buck knew there was a lot of grief in their actions, they knew that they’d never been the parents Buck had needed (understatement) they’d come to some kind of mutual understanding and honestly it was the most at peace he’d ever been with their relationship.

“Okay.” He shrugged.

“This weekend.”

Buck froze, “What?”

“I know, I know, I’m sorry.”

“This weekend?” Buck repeated. Maddie nodded. “The same weekend me and Eddie are having our first dinner at our new house?”

“Oh, that’s…that’s this weekend?” Maddie said weakly.

“Maddie.” Buck groaned.

“I know.” She said. “I didn’t really feel like I could say no.”

“Oh god.” He scrunched his face up. “You’re going to give my boyfriend a heart attack.”

"Eddie?" Maddie frowned. "You're worried about Eddie?"

"You haven't seen how stressed he is about the dinner already." Buck groaned. "Add our parents?...He's gonna end up back in the ER."

"Eddie?" Maddie asked again, suspiciously. "The guy who got shot and was back in work in like six weeks?"

"And then had a full breakdown!" Buck argued. "Why does everyone forget that part?"

"I just think you might be projecting a little." Maddie shrugged. "Eddie's always so...sturdy."

"Yeah, you've fallen for the facade - congratulations." Buck nodded.

"Okay." Maddie said, still not really believing the words coming out of his mouth.

Two days out from said dinner party, and Buck's parents impending arrival, Buck thought it might be easier to just slip it into conversation that there would be two extra guests. He was wrong.

"What—what—what—what do you mean two more guests?" Eddie stuttered, blinking at Buck like his brain was rebooting.

"I told you." Buck lied crossing the room taking the cushion from Eddie's hands and throwing it on the couch. Apparently a dinner party brought out Eddie's inner interior designer. They were currently switching out the cushions for the 'special' ones that Eddie kept in a storage box in the garage because rotating decor was apparently something Eddie did that Buck definitely noticed before they lived together. "My parents are coming."

"You did not tell me!" Eddie argued.

"I did." Buck said. "No sweat, we've got more than enough food."

"You have not told me that your parents were coming." Eddie pointed at him, putting specific weight on 'your parents' letting Buck know exactly how he felt about this.

"Okay," Buck relented. "So I didn't tell you exactly but you were really stressed about this dinner before so when Maddie said they were coming...I didn't want you to panic—"

"I do not—" Buck cut him off with a look before he could even get the rest of the sentence out. "Okay, yeah fine. Two more guests. No big deal." Buck would have been more convinced of Eddie's feign relaxed attitude if it wasn't for his leg bobbing up and down getting faster and faster as the anxiety, and Buck presumed the thoughts in his head, got worse. He walked across the room pushed the throw from Eddie's hands and pressed him back against the couch until he could barely move from Buck's weight on top of him. Buck cupped his face looking into his eyes and kissed him. It was slow and loving and Buck kept kissing him until he felt Eddie physically melt under him.

"Are you okay?" Eddie asked him and Buck was once again reminded just how much he loved him.

"Yeah." Buck said, really meaning the words.

"And you're not worried about them meeting me?" Eddie asked him.

"They've already met you."

Eddie rolled his eyes, "You know what I mean."

"Babe, you're a firefighter with a silver star." Buck pointed out. “What’s not to like?”

"Also have a teenage son, a dead wife, combat PTSD, you might have noticed the anxiety?"

"And if they held any of that against you I'd happily never speak to them ever again."

"Ah, so that's how I get you to cut them off." Eddie said, only half kidding.

"I'm serious." Buck said waiting until Eddie looked at him again. "It'll be fine." Eddie took a deep breath and nodded Buck smiled at him, he leant into Eddie and kissed him again this time letting himself melt into Eddie.

As Buck could have predicted the night did go off without a hitch and even more predictably Eddie charmed his parents like he’d never seen before.

His mom was practically giggling at every word coming out of his mouth, much to Eddie's alarm if the looks he was giving Buck was anything to go by. His dad finally had someone to talk about sports too and while some of the enthusiasm might be a little overwhelming to Eddie, Buck knew, Eddie would take this over stilted conversation any day.

Buck must have been watching them, from across the room, for long enough that Maddie finally wandered over from where she'd been talking to Hen and Karen.

"Do I get to say I told you so yet?"

Buck frowned, finally taking his gaze off Eddie to look at her, "Okay, you're only seeing the end result trust me he was a lot more jittery before they turned up." Buck told her.

"Not about that." Maddie nudged his shoulder. "It wasn't that long ago you were ranting away in my kitchen baking through a years supply of flour telling me you couldn't ever be in love with Eddie, he's straight, what an idiot Tommy was for thinking it."

"Tommy was an idiot." Buck commented but couldn't help the smile. "Yeah, I guess you owe me at least one."

"At least." Maddie smiled, then glanced towards where Eddie was topping their parents wine glasses up. "He is very good with parents."

"He's very good at most things." Maddie smiled at him. "You should keep the I told you so." Buck told her. "Save it for the wedding toast."

Maddie's face brightened with excitement, "Did Eddie—"

"No." Buck shook his head. "But I'm going too."

"Oh my god." Maddie smiled. "Are we going ring shopping?"

"We?"

"Come on, I don't trust you alone in a jewellery store. You'll go in looking for a ring and come out with a diamond watch or something."

"That is not..." Buck scowled but gave in. "Okay, so maybe it's a little true. Fine but you cannot tell Chimney."

"What?" Maddie faltered. "We're married. We tell each other everything."

"He works with Eddie! He’s friends with Eddie!” Buck argued. "You think he can keep that secret?"

"Yeah." Maddie's shoulders slumped. "Okay, deal. So when are we going?"

"Soon." Buck told her. "But right now I need to go save Eddie before mom actually swoons." He crossed the room towards them.

"I just don't get it." Maddie said tilting her head she watched them seeing the reaction Eddie seemed to elicit from everyone, sometimes including her husband, but her. "He's just a guy."

"Hey." Buck said walking into Chris' room with a gentle knock on the door. "Can I talk to you?"

"If you want Chinese instead of Thai that is something you have to argue with dad about." Chris told him dropping the book back onto the bed.

"Ha ha." Buck said sitting on the bed.

"No, I just wanted your opinion on something." Buck said. "I've been thinking about this for a while but before I did anything I wanted to talk to you."

Chris looked at him realising Buck was being serious he studied his face, "Something bad?"

"No, no." Buck shook his head. "Well...I don't think so. You might."

Christopher frowned, "What?"

Buck looked at him, "I want to marry your dad."

"Oh." Chris said. "Okay."

"Okay?" Buck frowned, he'd been expecting not resistance exactly but maybe confusion? Questions? Anything. But the straight acceptance took him a little by surprise.

"Yeah." Chris shrugged. "You already live here and...you and dad are like...when he was with Ana and Marisol I really did think he was happy but compared to now it's like...no competition. He's not just happy it's like more than that. It would be really cool if you were apart of our family...like officially."

Buck smiled, trying to blink away the tears clouding his eyes, "That's um..." He paused as his voice broke, a tear escaping and he quickly wiped it away. "I feel the same, you know? About being apart of this family."

Before either could say another word the sound of the front door opened and closed and then Eddie was walking into the room talking about dinner options for that evening. Buck got up from the bed and wiped his face but as soon as Eddie walked into the room he faltered looking between the two.

"What's going on?" Eddie asked. "Are you cr—?"

"I'm gonna jump in the shower." Buck said bustling past Eddie. "We should get Thai for dinner." He added quickly giving Eddie a peck to his lips as he hurried past towards the bathroom.

Hearing as he went,

"What was that?" Eddie asked Chris.

"I dunno. He's always kinda weird."

Buck smiled, he loved his family so much.

Eddie was not worried.

Okay, maybe Eddie was a little worried.

Eddie was not panicking. Not yet.

Buck was being weird, people told him he was always weird, but Buck was being extra weird. And the thing was when he tried to explain why the argument fell a little flat, it didn’t make sense why Eddie could tell something was off from the vibes but him walking into Christopher’s room to them talking and Buck crying. That was more concrete proof.

Except then he’d kissed Eddie and gone in the shower and confused him all over again. Was it something to do with Chris? That he didn’t want to tell Eddie so he’d gone to Buck? Was Buck covering for Chris or had something happened to Buck and he didn’t want to tell him?

“Hey.” He found Buck washing up after dinner while Christopher was taking a shower before bed. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah.” Buck looked at him over his shoulder, smiling. See now, Eddie would think everything was fine, no acting odd, no weird vibe but he also remembered a few hours ago when it was the total opposite.

“Were you crying earlier?” Eddie asked him.

“No.” Buck gave him a confused look. “When?”

“In Christopher’s room.” Eddie said. “I came in. You were at least teary.”

“Teary?” Buck turned to look at him a smile on his face, hands on his hips. “We were just talking.”

Eddie looked at him suspiciously and Buck walked towards him, “I think you’re a little on edge since my parents visit.” He gently pushed Eddie back against the wall and kissed him slowly. “Everything’s fine; I’m fine, Chris’ fine, you’re fine.”

“Okay.” Eddie said slowly believing him.

“My parents loved you, by the way.” He kissed Eddie again.

“Can you not talk about your parents when you’re kissing me.” He pushed Buck back a little with a scowl.

“Doesn’t do it for you?” Buck smirked, Eddie rolled his eyes but couldn’t help the fond expression on his face. “I’ve never seen my mom so giddy. It was a little weird.”

“She’d just had half a bottle of wine. She was probably drunk.”

“Drunk on you.” Buck laughed.

“Shut up.”

“No, seriously, what is it like to just have people fawn over you like that?”

“Buck...” Eddie groaned.

“I know I’m obsessed with you but apparently it’s a universal experience.” Buck’s continued, loving the shade of pink coming over his cheeks. “Are you just so used to it you don’t even realise it’s happening?”

“You act like people don’t act stupid around you.” Eddie told him.

“That’s,” His kisses Eddie’s cheek. “Just.” His kisses his forehead. “You.” He kisses his lips. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For accepting them, not holding anything against them, welcoming them and hosting them like you did.”

Eddie’s gaze softened, “I don’t do it for them.”

“I know.” Buck said tightening his grip on Eddie’s waist slightly. “I wanted you to know I love you more for it.”

Eddie smiled, breathing out his chest feeling like it wasn’t restricted for the first time in days, “I love you too.”

“What about this one?” Maddie asked from across the jewellery store looking into a cabinet of rings. She turned around when she didn’t get an answer and frowning when she saw where he was stood. “Why are you looking at necklaces?”

“Maybe he doesn’t want a ring?” Buck muses. “Maybe he wants an engagement necklace. It could go with his St Christopher’s medal.”

Maddie frowned at him, “An engagement necklace?”

“I don’t know. Maybe he hates rings. I’ve never seen him wear one.” Buck shrugged.

“You’re overthinking this.”

Buck scoffed whirling around to face Maddie, gesturing at himself, “Clearly.”

“Alright, okay,” Maddie said walking over to him. “Breathe. It’s going to be okay whatever you choose he’s going to love because he loves you.”

“I know.” Buck said honestly. “But he deserves the perfect proposal and that starts here.”

“He’s getting the perfect proposal because you’re proposing.” Maddie said. “I don’t think he hates rings, come on.” She yanked him back towards the ring second. “I’d go with something classic, simple.”

“Or something flashy.” Buck said looking in a different direction. “He’s been quiet all his life maybe he wants this to be loud?”

“With diamonds?” Maddie asked.

“You love your ring!” Buck’s argued. “I remember when you came over with it stuck on your finger.”

“Of course I do.” Maddie said kindly. “But do you really see Eddie with a diamond ring on his finger?”

“I don’t know.” Buck said miserably. “I don’t know what I see.”

“Why don’t we go and get a coffee? Calm down a bit and come back? Or find another store?”

Buck sighed, “Fine.”

They found a little coffee shop down the street and Buck was sat at a table while Maddie ordered at the counter when Buck got a text from Eddie asking him when he’d be home. Buck couldn’t face replying not knowing when he’d finally be finished shopping and having to continue the lie of what he was doing today so he buried his head in the sand for a bit longer shoving his phone into his pocket. Maddie walked over with two drinks placing them on the table and sitting next to him.

“What’s going on Buck?” Maddie asked him. “You were so excited when you told me at your party.”

“I am excited.” Buck said.

“Really?” Maddie frowned.

“I want it to be perfect.” Buck told her. “It needs to be perfect.”

“I think you’re forgetting what makes it perfect.” Maddie said softly. “It’s not the ring or how you ask or the grand gesture it’s both of you committing to each other forever.”

“I know.” Buck nodded. “But he’s done this before and it was for all the wrong reasons.”

“But you guys are so far from what he was going through then.” Maddie pointed out. “You’re older, there’s no pressure, no one telling you you have too, no surprise baby unless you’ve forgotten to tell me something.” She smiled, Buck rolled his eyes. “Have you thought that the reason you feel like this is maybe you’re just not ready?”

“No.” He implored. “I know he’s it for me, Maddie, he always has been. When it’s just us at home and he’s making me a coffee or he walks in the bedroom from having a shower or I say something at work and he’s the only one who understands me I know I want him to be my husband it’s getting everything else right that’s freaking me out.”

“Do you remember how Chimney asked me to be his wife?” Maddie asked him carefully.

Buck frowned, “He didn’t.”

Maddie smiled, eyes glistening, “Exactly. He wanted it to go perfectly to the point that he was just not going to ask me because he thought everything was a sign from the universe.”

“I remember.” Buck nodded.

“But I wouldn’t change how we got engaged for anything and I know Eddie will feel the same no matter how you ask or with what ring…or necklace,” She added quickly, Buck huffed out a laugh. “Will be perfect because it will be from you. So give yourself a little bit of a break, breathe and the right ring or necklace or watch or whatever you pick will come to you.”

“Yeah.” Buck nodded, then decisively surged to his feet grabbing his coffee. “Good thing you got these to go. I know exactly which one I want, it was the first one I looked at, it’s perfect; come on Mads.” He was already at the door when Maddie looked around a little confused by the sudden change but she got to her feet and picked up her coffee following her brother out the coffee shop.

Eddie stared at his phone he saw the read tick on his phone telling him Buck had read the message but he had yet to receive a reply. He had just come back from a call where somehow he’d been the only one not thrown up on so was the only one in the loft as they others showered. It was rare he and Buck had a shift apart especially now if one took PTO so did the other but Buck had told him about some old friends from Peru that were visiting and only passing through LA for one day so had to take the day off.

The text asking what time he’d be home was unanswered but Eddie guessed that wasn’t surprising since he was busy with his friends? Maybe he shouldn’t have even text that, it wasn’t like it really mattered when Buck finished with his friends. Maybe he was being way too needy and clingy? Eddie shoved his phone away, he’d never felt like this before. In all his previous relationships he’d always liked the distance, always wanted a bit more if he was honest and while in retrospect that was probably very telling he just wasn’t used to feeling insecure in a relationship in this way.

“Texting Buck?” Was he that obvious?

Chimney joined him on the couch, the first back up from the showers, he was smiling at him that had just a hint of teasing.

“No.” Eddie said, too quickly. “I mean, yeah. Just seeing when he was going to be home.”

“Can’t imagine it’ll be late, Maddie’s picking Jee from daycare.” Eddie gave him a little confused look, unsure how that was connected. “After their shopping trip?”

“Shopping?”

“Yeah.”

“He’s not with Maddie today.” Eddie frowned.

“Yeah,” Chimney nodded. “That’s who Buck went shopping with.”

“Oh.” Eddie said dumbfounded.

Buck lied to him.

When Buck got home the first thing he did was hide the ring in his bedside drawer. Five minutes later he was taking it out; Eddie might look in there for some reason so he put it at the back of his sock drawer. Ten minutes later he remembered Eddie was the one who usually put their laundry away so he hid it at the back of the wardrobe. Then Buck thought what if Eddie went on one of his cleaning sprees so he took it and decided it hide it in his baking cupboard. Not long later he thought Eddie might not look in there (He only baked for special occasions) but Chris very well might so he took it out and before he could find another hiding spot he heard the door opening. Shoving the ring into his pocket he walked out of the kitchen finding Eddie dropping his work stuff by the door; he looked exhausted.

“Rough shift?”

Eddie shook his head, “Just busy.” Buck walked over to him his hands automatically found Eddie’s waist but before Buck could kiss him Eddie looked at him a look in his eye Buck couldn’t quite describe.

“Were you shopping with Maddie today?” Buck’s froze, he felt his heart pounding, the box in his pocket felt like it was burning against his leg.

“Wh-what?”

“Chim said that’s what you were doing but you told me you were meeting friends.” Eddie said.

“Oh.” Buck gulped. “Yeah. I…was.”

A look in his eyes broke him a little, “You lied?”

“No!” Buck jumped in quickly. Yes, technically, but for a good reason. “Their flight got cancelled so they couldn’t come so I text Maddie this morning and she was free so we went shopping.”

“Oh.” Eddie said, he wasn’t totally sure Eddie believed him. “Sorry. That sucks.”

“Yeah.” Buck nodded. “I should have text you but you know what it’s like with me and Maddie.”

“Yeah.” Eddie said. “Are they going to rearrange their trip?”

“Oh, er…they don’t know yet.” He shrugged. “We’ll see. You gonna get some sleep?”

“Yeah.” Eddie nodded.

“You told Chimney?” Buck whisper shouted through the phone at Maddie, once he was sure Eddie was asleep when he’d called her but was still a little paranoid about him overhearing. “Why would tell Chimney?! Chimney who can’t keep a secret Maddie?”

"I told him we were going shopping. I didn't tell him what we were going shopping for." Maddie said.

"Well I told Eddie I was meeting up with friends from Peru and then Chimney told him we were shopping and he thought I lied to him!"

"You have friends from Peru?" Maddie frowned.

"No, I don't have friends from Peru, Maddie! It was a lie so he didn't work out what I was doing!"

"So you did lie to him?" She asked.

"Maddie..." He took the phone away from his ear and took a breath before raising the phone back up.

"Why wouldn't you just tell him we were going shopping?"

"Why would I take PTO just to go shopping?" Buck asked exasperated.

"Why did you need to take PTO to go and buy—"

"Maddie, I swear—" He wasn’t sure if Maddie was alone in her house or not at this point he didn’t care.

"Okay, okay." She said soothingly clearly hearing that her brother's head was close to exploding. "I'm sorry. Was he mad?"

"No, he was a little sad which is like ten times worse but then I made up some more lies and he believed me instantly."

"Which made you feel worse." Maddie nodded.

"It is not normal, Maddie, I haven't lied to him this much since I realised I was in love with him when I still thought he was straight."

Maddie let out a small giggle, "Sorry, I just remembered how insistent you were about that."

"Shut. Up." Buck sighed. "Just don't tell Chim anything else."

"Okay." Maddie nodded. "So have you thought how you'e going to ask him yet?"

"No." Buck said. "Barely hid the ring. It's got to be something incredible okay? As special as he is...okay not quite because that would be kind of impossible but as close to it as I—"

"Okay, I'm hanging up now. Love you Buck bye!"

"You want me to take the entire team off calls for an hour so that you can propose to Eddie?" Bobby asked him looking Buck like he'd grown another head.

"On the roof." Buck nodded.

Bobby glanced at his watch, “In ten minutes?”

“I thought about doing in the gym for a bit since that was where we first like...talked." Bobby raised his eyebrow in amusement. "Okay less talked more argued." Bobby leant back in his chair arms crossed over his chest. "Okay, so it was me taking out my insecurities and unknowing attraction out on him that's why I moved to the roof." Buck nodded. "I've booked a sky writing plane it's going to write out 'will you marry' me and then I'll be behind him on one knee with the ring."

"Well, that explains all the overtime." Bobby muttered under his breath. "Is that really something Eddie's going to enjoy?"

"He's had to hide his entire life! God forbid someone try and love him loudly."

Bobby looked at him, "Didn't he explain it as just...not realising?"

"Because he's had to hide his entire life!" Buck argued. "Because his parents forced him to be an adult and pressured him into marrying someone and then as soon as they were married got mad at them they weren't doing everything to the highest standard known to man—"

"Okay, alright." Bobby nodded putting his hands up in defence. "I can give you fifteen minutes.”

"Yes, perfect." He nodded. "That's all I'll need."

"And you want us all there? You're sure?" Bobby checked.

"Yes." Buck said.

"Okay."

"Thanks. Ten minutes I’ll get Eddie on the roof and then once I’ve asked you guys come out so I need you to get everyone up there ready but after we’re up there so he doesn’t suspect anything.”

“In ten minutes?”

“In ten minutes the plane will fly over so just after that.”

“I’ll take your lead.” He nodded.

Buck bounded from the office nervous and excited energy bouncing off him.

"How'd it go?"

"Ah!" Buck jumped back having not seen Eddie stood by the fridge. Eddie looked at him quizzically. "Sorry, sorry. Didn't see you." Buck let out a breath. Eddie watched him for a few seconds but then held his coffee out to him which he took gratefully. "How'd what go?" Buck asked realising what Eddie had said to him his heart pounded thinking that Eddie had worked out his plan.

"Personal evaluations today right?" Eddie asked gesturing towards Bobby's door.

"Oh god. I'd forgotten about that." Buck winced. "How is it that time again, already?"

Eddie shrugged, "So what were you doing?"

Buck froze then looked at Eddie, "Nothing. You know...catching up." He glanced his watch feeling like his heart was pounding out of his chest. It was all about timing and he needed to get Eddie on the roof at just the right minute. Maybe he was just slightly too focused on the timing because he didn’t notice the look on Eddie’s face, he didn’t notice the almost eye roll and he barely caught Eddie turning on his heel with a little snappy,

"You don't have to tell me."

Buck froze whirling around in Eddie’s direction. That was not the tone he was expecting or what he wanted minutes before he was planning to propose. He must have missed like five steps because somehow Eddie was mad at him and he had no idea why.

"I get it. You guys have your own relationship. You don't have to tell me anything."

"No, wait, what?" Buck chased after him. "I'm not keeping anything from you!"

He was, but, for Eddie's own good.

"I said it's fine, you don't have to tell me anything." Those were Eddie’s words but his tone definitely didn’t agree.

"Uh-oh." Chimney muttered looking over at Hen. "Lover's quarrel."

"There's no quarrel." Buck argued. "And I was in Cap's office catching up. That's normal. I do that all the time."

"Oh yeah, all the time." Eddie rolled his eyes.

"I do!" Buck turned appealing to Hen and Chim.

“First thing? Chimney frowned. “Aren’t you normally scavenging the fridge for food?”

"Okay." Buck shot him a glance. "Thanks. Eds really—"

"Ooh." Hen let out a surprised sound. "Eds...you really are in trouble."

"Could you two both just—?"

"You brought us into this." Chimney argued. "Don't blame us because we took Eddie's side." He was so clearly trying not to laugh it only furthered Buck's annoyance. They didn’t know what Buck was planning, Eddie didn’t know what Buck was planning but everything was falling apart and now how was he supposed to get Eddie upstairs?

"I told you," Eddie said standing up, he was calm personified but Buck hated every second seeing the way he pushed his real emotions aside. "I overstepped, you talk about anything with anyone and don't have to tell me a thing."

"Wait, no, Eddie—"

"It's fine." Eddie walked past him and headed towards the stairs.

Chimney stepped towards Buck, "I don't think it's fine."

"I know it's not god damn fine!"

Buck watched Eddie descend the stairs seeing his proposal plans go down with him.

Eddie punched the bag in front of him, took a step back and turned kicking it and then going straight back into punches, he hadn’t even taken the time to change out of his uniform. He knows whatever Buck is doing isn't meant to hurt him, knows he's totally within his rights to be talking to anyone without telling Eddie what it's about but it still just...hurts. They were always best friends before anything else and Eddie was terrified they were going to lose that. And maybe his anxiety was making it a little worse; voices in the back of his head getting louder, getting the feeling Buck was lying even about small little things.

Buck always told him everything it was a core founding of their friendship and the only times he hadn't it either hadn't lasted long enough for Eddie to realise or it had blown up spectacularly in their faces. Well he guessed he could work out which way this was going to go.

"You know I hate it when you use this when you're upset." Buck's voice spoke from behind him. Eddie stilled but kept punching.

"I'm not going to hurt myself." Eddie countered.

"Then why haven't you used any hand coverings?”

Eddie stopped and looked at his hands, realising only then, that he'd gone in totally bare. He took a half step back he hadn't been here to do any real damage but there were a few grazes that would have become worse in a few more hits.

"Oh."

"Come here." Buck pulled Eddie towards the bench at the side of the gym and pushing him gently so he was sitting down. He kneeled in front of him pulling a wet wipe out of his pocket.

"You knew?" Eddie asked him.

"I guessed." Buck shrugged ripping the packet open and pulling out the antiseptic wipe.

"They're not that bad."

"Would have gotten worse." Buck muttered, wiping against the slight grazes knowing the wipe was a little unnecessary for the barely there injuries but knowing the cool feeling would bring Eddie out of the anxiety spiral he was currently in.

“Thanks.” Eddie said softly. “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologise.” Buck shook his head. “You’re allowed to be upset.”

“Not about you talking to cap.” Eddie winced. “It was stupid.” He rubbed his hands over his face.

“It’s not stupid if that’s how you feel.” Buck reminded him. “How many times have you told me that?”

Eddie looked at him with his big brown eyes that began tearing up and Buck knew he would do anything if it kept that look off Eddie’s face forever.

“I don’t want to stop being friends.” Eddie said then immediately groaning and dropping his head into his hands. “Oh god. See? It’s stupid.”

“It’s not stupid—“ Before they could say another word the alarm blared, Buck groaned looking over his shoulder as the rest of the team sped towards the trucks.

“We gotta go.”

Buck followed Eddie towards the trucks.

“Buck?” He turned hearing Bobby’s voice. Bobby frowned at him a silent question on his face vaguely gesturing towards the roof Buck just shook his head.

By the time the trucks were pulling back into the bay it was hours later he had barely talked to Eddie who had been on paramedic duty at the pileup they were called out too. As the team walked towards the changing rooms Bobby walked over to him patting his arm stopping Buck from following them towards the showers.

“Hey, what happened?” Bobby asked.

“I don’t know.” Buck groaned. “He was mad at me for talking to you.”

Bobby frowned, “That doesn’t sound like Eddie.”

“Well it was more he thought I was lying about what we were talking about.” Buck shrugged.

“Which you were.” Buck opened his mouth to argue but Bobby stopped his hands up in surrender. “I know why. I understand why you’re not telling but he doesn’t.”

“What does that mean?”

“Buck, you’ve been friends for years, he knows when you’re not being truthful with him and we both know how he gets all in his head, overthinking everything, jumping to the worst conclusion. How would you be acting if you thought he was lying to you and wasn’t telling you things? He doesn’t know why you’re doing it, he doesn’t know you’re doing it for him.”

Buck’s shoulders slumped, “What should I do?”

“Reassure him you know how to talk to him best. And propose - you don’t need writing in the sky and everyone jumping out in surprise you just need each other.” Buck was still a hung up on the idea of a grand gesture he wasn’t sure he was going to give up on a big proposal just yet.

“Thanks cap.”

Buck found Eddie in the bunk room face down on his bed Buck stood watching him for a moment thinking about what Bobby had said he could propose now and it would explain everything to Eddie but he just couldn’t give up on giving Eddie a big proposal just yet.

“Hey.” Buck said walking over, Eddie turned his head seeing it was Buck he pushed himself up, dropping his legs off the side of the bunk.

“Hey.” He rubbed his face tiredly and Buck walked over and sat next to him.

“Can I kiss you?”

Eddie glanced at Buck his shoulders slumping a little more, “You don’t have to ask.”

Buck leant towards him, “Why?” He smiled softly. “Consent is sexy.” He kissed Eddie before he could say another word. He felt Eddie sink into the kiss and Buck cupped his face and pulled back just enough to see his deep brown eyes. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Eddie said softly but almost immediately his eyes teared up.

“Eddie…” Buck said, his hands dropping onto his shoulders squeezing gently. “What’s going on?”

“I just…feel like you’ve been acting weird and—and keeping things from and that kinda freaked me out and…I’m scared. I’m scared the more of a couple we are that we’re going to lose the best friend part. I always knew what was going on with you but I feel like I don’t anymore.”

“Eddie…” Buck said softly, his voice barely above a whisper. “You know me, more than anyone, you know me.”

“And I feel stupid about it because I’ve never…” His fingers pressed into his eyes. “Felt like this before or…I don’t know…been scared that something was…going wrong.”

Buck smiled slowly leaning towards him, “You love me.” Buck kissed the only part of Eddie’s face that wasn’t covered by his hands. His kissed him just above his jaw bone under his ear. His kissed his cheek and as Eddie’s hands moved from his face Buck kissed him more and more until he got to lips. “I love you too. I’m not going anywhere you’re still the best friend I’ve ever had.”

Eddie looked at him and instead of saying anything else he kissed him.

“And hey, I’ve really liked the role reversal here. I’ve never had anyone worrying about loosing me that it made them act insane.”

“Oh god.” His cheeks flared red and he buried himself in Buck’s shoulder.

“No, I liked it.” Buck laughed running his hands through Eddie’s hair. “It was cute and I feel very loved.”

Eddie looked up at him, Buck’s hand still on the back of his head his fingers running back and forth through his hair.

“Of course I don’t want to lose you Buck. I’ve never reacted well to that.” Eddie told him.

“Yeah.” Buck smiled. “It’s hot.” Eddie laughed but nudged him gently with his leg. “C’mere.” Buck snaked his arm around Eddie’s waist, he lay back on the bunk pulling Eddie with him.

“We’re going to get in trouble if we stay here too long.” Eddie said but there was no sign of movement from him.

“Eh, I’ll take the hit.” Buck said tracing his finger up and down Eddie’s arm.

Buck decided in that moment to take a break from proposal planning there was nothing more that Buck wanted than to call Eddie his fiancé but he wanted it to be perfect, he wanted to make Eddie feel special and loved and wanted. So he was going to take a break so when he proposed Eddie would never see it coming.

"It's been a month." Maddie said, Buck had come over to her house before his shift after a SOS message which turned out to be just her complaining that he hadn't proposed yet. A trap he'd fallen head first into somehow he was following her around her house holding a basket of washing as she added more dirty clothes to in each new room they went into. "A month since you bought the ring, Buck!"

"I know that." Buck scowled.

"Then what are you doing?" Maddie demanded.

"I was going too. I had this whole big proposal planned at the firehouse, paid for skywriting and was going to get Eddie on the roof and then everyone was going to jump out after but apparently I'd been acting odd for a few weeks so Eddie lost his mind when I lied to him about what I was talking to Bobby about and then I couldn't propose when he was mad could I?"

"Did they still write the words in the sky and you guys just...missed it?" Maddie frowned.

"Yes!" Buck said frustrated. "He thought I was pulling away and we weren't best friends anymore."

"You're not best friends anymore." Maddie said.

"We are!" Buck argued.

Maddie turned away from him and sighed, long sufferingly.

"So why didn't you just propose then and explain all the secrets and lies?" Maddie asked.

"Because I will give him a grand gesture if it's the last thing I do!"

Maddie stopped and looked at him, "Are you okay?"

"If everyone would stop asking me about when I'm going to propose I'd be great!" Buck snapped, Maddie tilted her head in question. "Okay, so it's just you - whatever."

"Buck, we've talked about this you don't need a grand gesture. You both want to get married so why not just ask him."

"I want it to be perfect." Buck told her. "And Eddie being upset because he thinks I'm lying to him all the time is not perfect. I had to take a break and make him think everything is fine."

"Everything is fine."

"Exactly!"

"Is everything fine?" Maddie asked.

Buck sighed, "I think Chris hates me."

Maddie double took at him so surprised she nearly walked head first into a doorframe, "What?"

"Every time I talk to him he's really snappy, he leaves the room when I walk inside, he keeps making these comments which at first are kinda funny and then I think about it and it's kinda mean. I don't know what I did but I think he hates me now."

"What does Eddie say?"

"He doesn't do it when Eddie's there." Buck said. "That's half the problem."

"And you haven't talked about this with him?" Maddie asked.

"I nearly have. Like a hundred times but how do I say to Eddie I think your son hates me." Buck groaned. "He's always going to pick Chris."

"Well obviously." Maddie shrugged. "But also he doesn't have to pick. He loves both of you and he deserves to know what's going on in his own house."

Buck groaned again, "I hate it when you're right."

Eddie kept glancing towards Chris every few seconds while he drove them towards his school. He'd noticed something was up with Chris for the past few days it wasn't obvious if he didn't know Chris so well he wouldn't have been able to tell either but there is definitely something going on. He waited a few days to see if Chris was going to come to him with it but so far nothing. He figured now was as good a time as any and if he got mad he had a whole day at school, away from Eddie, with his friends.

"Hey, everything okay with you?" Eddie broke the silence. Chris looked at him, a small frown on his face.

"Why?"

Eddie shrugged, "You just seemed a little quiet this weekend. Something on your mind?"

"Do you not want to get married again?" The question was so unexpected Eddie was sure if they'd been in traffic he would have ended up in the trunk of the car in front of them. Luckily they were on a quiet road not far from Chris' school.

"N-no." Eddie stumbled over the word. "I don't not want to get married...again."

"So you do?" Chris asked. "To Buck?"

"I...don't...I haven't thought about it." Eddie said. "Why?"

Chris shrugged, "Would you break up with Buck if he didn't want to get married?" His voice was much smaller this time like he was telling him a secret.

"No." Eddie said easily. "I would marry Buck in a heartbeat but I'm also just as happy to keep things as they are; you, me, Buck - happiest I've ever been."

"I think you should tell Buck that." Chris told him.

"Has he said something to you?" Eddie asked him.

"No." Chris said quickly, too quickly. "Maybe he doesn't want to get married." Eddie glanced at Chris and gulped, nodding.

"Maybe." Eddie said. "No one has too."

“I just want us to stay all together.” Chris said. “No matter what.”

“That’s what I want to bud. And Buck, I think that’s what he wants to.” Eddie said. “That is what he wants.” Although he was less sure than he was at the beginning of this drive.

“With or without marriage.” Chris added.

“With or without marriage.” Eddie nodded.

Chris nodded, "I guess you didn't really have time to think about it before you married mom."

"No," Eddie breathed out somehow in this conversation he felt a lot more comfortable talking about Shannon than Buck. "It happened pretty quick."

"Do you ever wonder what would have happened to you if that didn't happen?" Eddie pulled into the drop off line of his school as Chris worded the question carefully but Eddie saw straight through it.

"No." Eddie turned in his seat they were stopped for the moment and Eddie had been in this line enough times to know it wouldn't be moving quickly. "Never. There are some things I wished I'd done differently but I’ve never wondered about a life I might have had without you. Because whatever that would have looked like it would have been a sad life without you. You’re the best thing I’ve ever done kid, getting to end up here, with you, with Buck, with our family I'd do again a hundred times."

Chris tried not to fight it but couldn't help the smile forming on his face, "Thanks dad." The moved along the drop off line slowly creeping forward minute by minute until they finally got to the drop off zone.

"I'll see you tomorrow okay bud? Pepa's picking you up while I'm on shift." Chris nodded, Eddie leant forward to give him a kiss on his head when Chris pushed him back.

"Dad, no, people can see."

"Oh sorry." Eddie leant back. "Have a good day. Love you."

Chris paused, pulling the door closed and mumbled an 'love you' back. He opened the door and let one of the on duty assistants help him out of the car taking his bags from him. Eddie watched for a moment as Chris met up with his friends only letting himself watch for a few seconds before keeping his car moving not wanting to get honked by impatient parents behind him and kept driving heading straight to work.

Chris' words were going around his head he hadn't ever put real thought into marrying Buck since they'd got together. He wasn't against it but he'd really just not thought about it and he would be lying if it didn't fill him with a certain kind of joy he'd never really felt before. But clearly Buck had said something to Chris to make him feel like that was the opposite of what he wanted so that was that. He'd do anything to make Buck happy so if that was keeping things exactly as they were and never getting married that was fine by Eddie. As Eddie pulled into the firehouse to park he knew he needed to show that marriage was the last thing on his mind.

He could do this, it was fine.

“Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!” The woman Hen and Chim were trying to triage sprang up from where she sat on the end of the ambulance. She tried to run at the man who was still stood by his car visibly less injured where Eddie was checking him over. They’d been called to a car collision but the two arguing individuals came from the same car, apparently a couple in the middle of an argument which caused the accident. Buck was working on getting the person in the second car out they were stuck but seemingly not injured.

“She’s crazy!” The man was bigger than Eddie but he was still managing to keep him from getting any closer while checking him over. “This is why we crashed! It’s all her fault!”

“Crazy?” She asked trying to move towards him but Hen managed to keep her sitting. “You son of a bitch!”

“Hey!” The man yelled loudly stepping towards her.

“Come on.” Eddie tried to calm the situation pushing him back away from his wife.

“Get off me, man, what are you fucking gay?” He pushed Eddie back thick, tense silence filled the air. Hen and Chim stopped what they were doing looking at Eddie who was frozen a step away from him his hands were held up as if in surrender and his face had a complicated scrunch of an expression.

“I have to check you over.” Eddie said, his voice was tight and he couldn’t look at the man but Eddie was nothing if not a professional.

“Touch me again and I’ll fucking kill you.” He said pushing back against Eddie, who stumbled a few steps back but regained his balance quickly.

“What did you just say?”

“Buck…Buck…” Eddie tried to stop him but he was already half way to getting up in the guys face. “It’s fine. Stop.”

For a moment it looked like Eddie had managed to de-escalate the situation he gently pushed Buck back and turned to the man to explain that he still needed to check him for a concussion he was just getting the man to sit on the sidewalk and had only just touched his head when his wife let out a sneering scoff. All hell broke loose the man yelled out loud springing too his feet calling his wife every name under the sun Eddie was attempting to restrain him when the man pushed back slamming Eddie back against the side of the car when Buck reappeared slamming into the man tackling him to the floor.

"I should have never married you!" The wife yelled. "It was the worst mistake of my life!" They kept hurling insults at the each other long after the police arrived and took over.

"Are you okay?" Buck asked Eddie as they climbed into the trucks leaving the two, having been medically cleared, to the police.

"Fine." Eddie shrugged it off.

"He slammed you into a car." Buck argued.

"And you slammed him into the tarmac." Chimney smiled. "I would say I didn't realise you were so possessive but I think we all know you are."

Buck rolled his eyes at Chimney before turning back to Eddie, "I'm serious. Is your back okay?"

"I'm fine." Eddie said. "It didn't even hurt." Buck scoffed at him but let it go.

“They were kinda crazy.” Chimney said. “How were they married?”

“Not exactly wedded bliss.” Eddie commented, leaning towards Buck, as they were driving back to the firehouse. Buck double took towards Eddie.

"Er...no. But—but they were, you know, the bad side of marriage." Buck shrugged.

"Hm. Doesn't always seem worth it though." Eddie tried again.

"Marriage?" Buck asked surprised.

"Just a piece of paper, isn't it?" Eddie said. "Doesn't really mean anything."

"Wh-what?" Buck looked at him.

Perfect, Eddie thought, Buck was surprised so Chris must have been right this whole time, Buck acting weird these last few months was because he thought Eddie wanted to get married but he didn't. Now he was seeing that they were actually on the same page.

"Either you're committed or not right?" Eddie asked him. "Don't need a ceremony to say you are."

"Some people like the ceremony." Chimney offered. "It's fun."

"You got married in a hospital bed." Buck scoffed.

"That was romantic."

"I loved getting married." Hen smiled. "I loved renewing our vows. I would do it every year if I could."

"Maybe me and Maddie should renew our vows." Chimney mused. "Have a real ceremony and celebration."

"I wouldn't risk it." Buck commented slouching in his seat. "Might actually die this time."

"That why you two aren't risking it?" Chimney teased. "Your track records are worse than mine."

"I don't think that's true." Buck shook his head.

"He's been shot four times and you've literally died." Chimney said.

"So have you." Hen reminded him. "Twice. Doesn't mean it's going to happen on your wedding day."

"No, apparently, it's a piece of paper." Buck looked at Eddie. "Who says we have to conform to a heteronormative structure."

"Eddie already tried that." Chimney chuckled. "It made him run off to war."

Eddie rolled his eyes but let the the truck fill with the both of them laughing happy to have got the idea out to Buck that he wasn't desperate to get married.

The afternoon slowed with calls so Buck found Eddie on the couch in the loft after lunch reading a book that had been left over from B shift.

"Why are you reading a book about racism?" Buck frowned dropping down next to him.

"See how accurate it is." Eddie shrugged. "Should have given up when they equated using a slur with calling someone a racist."

Buck scowled, "Okay who's book is that? Keep away from whoever bought it."

Eddie half laughed gently throwing the book onto the table.

"So um...I didn't...I didn't realise you were so anti-marriage." Buck said, he sounded casual to Eddie, maybe a little too casual.

"I'm not against marriage." Eddie said carefully. "I just don't think we need it."

"Like you and me we?" Buck asked.

"Yeah. Don't you like where we're at?"

"Of course I do." Buck said. "But you've...you've been married before."

Eddie understood Buck’s worries if he thought Eddie wanted to get married that meant they weren’t on the same page.

"That's not really the same. I mean, we are so different." Eddie told him.

"You told Bobby you loved being married."

"I did." Eddie said. "I think. I don't know it's confusing and I was so young but whatever that was it's nothing like this, what we have. I—I'm nothing like I was then."

"Right." Buck nodded.

"I mean, we're like real partners right?"

"I—I think so."

"So you want to keep things as they are right? We're on the same page?"

Buck nodded, "We are on the same page."

"Good."

"Good."

Buck felt stupid. He felt crazy and annoyed and upset; Eddie didn't want to get married, he'd maxxed out a credit card buying a ring that he couldn't use but didn't want to sell and Chris still wasn't talking to him.

He'd tried to bring up with Eddie:

"Do you think Chris is acting odd?"

"I talked to him yesterday. Seems okay since then."

Eddie had tried to get more out of Buck about it but how was Buck supposed to bring up Chris leaving rooms whenever he walked in? So he dropped and now he was miserable with a boyfriend who didn't want to marry him and a son who wouldn't talk to him.

Oh. wow. Weird, he'd never referred to Chris as his son before, not even to himself. It was nice, he liked it if only he could get him to talk to him again.

"Why do you have to go?" Buck could overhear Christopher complaining in the kitchen.

"It's for your school, Chris." Eddie told him, he was going to a fundraiser at the school Buck hadn't been totally paying attention to what they were fundraising for but he knew Eddie was just going to show his face and donate some money anyway. They were both going to go but Pepa couldn't look after Chris last minute so Buck was staying with Chris.

"So why can't we all go?"

"Parent only." Eddie said. "Do you really want to go to your school and hear them give a talk about how good they are and why we should give them even more money?" Chris let out a grumpy sounding noise. "Besides your going to have way more fun here with Buck, he'll make your dinner and you can hang out and play video games."

"I don't want you to go." Chris finally said.

"Why?" Eddie asked calmly and Buck could tell he'd moved so he was on his eye line. "Is something happening at school? Do you not like it anymore?"

"No, school is fine." Chris said.

"Then what's going on?"

Chris sighed, "I just didn't know you weren't going to be here for dinner."

"You've got Buck he's a way better cook." Eddie said.

"I like your food." Chris' voice was a little quiet but Buck could hear the truth in his words even if it wasn't the whole truth.

"Thank you." Eddie said sincerely. "But it's one night kid I'll see you later okay? I really have to go." Buck heard the 'mwah' of Eddie kissing his head. "Have fun." He walked out the kitchen keys in hand and nearly walked straight into him. "Whoa. Hey." He smiled easily at Buck and he could feel the butterflies in his stomach at the sight. God, he was so in love. "I've got to go. See you later?"

"I'll be here." Buck said. Eddie kissed him pushing his back against the wall squeezing his waist and then all too soon he was pulling back and heading out the door. Buck glanced over his shoulder seeing the door close he turned and walked into the kitchen.

"Alright, dad's away you want take out?" Buck smiled mischievously at him.

"Dad said you were cooking." Chris frowned.

"What he doesn't know can't hurt him." Buck smiled. "We can get pizza."

"Me and dad don't lie...anymore." Chris said defiantly grabbing his crutches and walking out the room.

"What the..." Buck sighed. He turned around and followed Chris. "Why are you mad at me?"

"I'm not." He got to his room sitting on the bed and throwing his crutches at Buck's feet. Buck looked at them then back at Chris.

"You know you're going to have to pick those up."

"No." Chris crossed his arms.

"Chris..."

"I don't have to do what you say." Chris said. "You're not my dad."

Buck stood shocked by the words but they didn’t hurt as much as expected because deep down he knew that Chris was trying to hurt him.

“Is that what this is about? You’re worried I’m trying to replace your dad? That could never happen.” He said. “I wouldn’t want too. Is that why you’ve been mad at me?”

“I’m not mad at you!”

“Then what is a going—“

“You were supposed to marry my dad!” The words snapped from Christopher’s mouth before he pressed his mouth closed in almost regret.

Buck was taken aback, shell shocked from those words. Buck looked at Chris opened his mouth to say something but couldn’t.

“You’ve changed your mind like you always do.” Chris frowned.

“Like I always do?” Buck asked.

Chris shrugged, “Isn’t that why you broke up with all your…” Chris thought of the appropriate word for Buck’s exes. “People.”

“I guess I never thought about you thinking about my breakups.” Buck said rubbing the back of his neck.

“You kind of had a lot…I don’t want dad to be one of them.” Buck’s shoulders slumped at the words. “I don’t want him to be sad again.”

Buck chewed on his lip he stepped forward and picked up Chris’ crutches placing them against his bedside table and then moving to sit next to him on the bed.

“I don’t want him to be sad either, I would actually do anything to stop him from being sad. I’m not planning on going anywhere wedding or no wedding.”

Chris looked at him, “Really?”

“Really. You guys are my family. But, your dad, he’s doesn’t want to get married again.” Buck said trying to broach the topic carefully. The last thing he wanted was to get Chris mad at Eddie instead.

“You changed your mind.” Chris said again. “You said you were going to ask him and then you changed your mind.”

“No I didn’t!” Buck said. “I bought a ring, I planned a proposal! But then Eddie thought I was lying to him…because I sort of was lying to him but I couldn’t tell him why without ruining the surprise so I took a break from it all so your dad didn’t get a stress ulcer and now he’s told me he never wants to get married again so…” Buck’s shoulders slumped. “I would marry your dad anywhere, anytime, any moment but…he doesn’t.”

“Um.” Chris chewed on his lip waiting for Buck to look at him. “I thought—I thought you changed your mind and I didn’t want you to leave if you thought dad still wanted to get married so I might have told him you definitely didn’t want to get married and should tell you so…so you wouldn’t…leave.”

Buck stared and Chris, “You thought I didn’t want to get married…so you told Eddie he should tell me he doesn’t want to get married…when actually Eddie does want to get married but now he thinks I don’t…?” Buck said the words slowly as if trying to get the story straight in his head.

“Hm. Yeah.”

“And you’re sure he does?”

Chris rolled his eyes, “He said he’d marry you in a heartbeat. Lame.”

Buck couldn’t help but smile, “He said that?”

“Um-hm.” He nodded. “So you are going to propose?”

“I nearly did. Got a skywriter and everything.”

“Ugh. You’re lame too.” Christopher gave a slight shake of his head. “I don’t think dad needs writing in the sky he’d say yes if you asked him in the living room.”

“I want it to be special.” Buck said. “You know, he makes me feel…loved and special and—and I want him to feel like that when I ask him.”

“Okay.” Chris shrugged. “You better order that pizza then because no one, not even you, knows dad as well as I do.”

“You’re going to help me plan a proposal?”  Buck asked him.

“Duh.”

“Okay.” Buck chuckled. “I think that’s actually exactly what Eddie would want. Want to see the ring?”

Chris glanced at him trying to fight the curiosity because what teenager cares about his parents engagement ring but eventually it won out, “Yes.” He smiled.

“Buck, can you get that?” Eddie called out he was still half way in the middle of getting ready still having gotten the second shower. Eddie had suggested sharing a shower and he wished more than anything he’d had his phone to take a picture of the look on Buck’s face.

“Eddie…” He said with a gasp. “Chris is in the house.” Eddie laughed and gave him a quick and pushed him towards the bathroom so he could have the first shower.

“Buck!” Eddie called again after the doorbell rang again.

“He’s not here.” Chris yelled back.

“What?” Eddie hurried to button his shirt as he walked to the door, passing Chris on the couch. “Where did he go?” They were having a date night and Maddie was coming over to hang out with, not babysit (“I don’t need a babysitter anymore, dad!”) Chris. He opened the door and was shocked still to see Buck on the other side a smile on his face and a bouquet of flowers in his hands.

“What are you doing?” Eddie said a low smile taking over his face.

“I’m picking you up for our date.” Buck said as if it was obvious.

“You live here.” Eddie reminded him. Buck stepped into the house and held the flowers out to him, Eddie took them admiring the bouquet. “Wow. They’re beautiful.”

“I tried to find flowers that was as beautiful as you they’re not quite up to par but close enough.”

“Oh, you’re pulling out 1.0 moves?” Eddie asked the pink tinge of his cheeks giving him away.

“1.0 was never romantic.” Buck said taking a step towards him. “But I sure can show you some of those moves later.” He said under his breath.

“Oh my god.” He flushed even deeper red and Buck chuckled at the sight. “I haven’t…I-I’m gonna…” Eddie gestured towards the bedroom where he still needed to finish getting ready nearly walking into a wall in his flustered state. “Okay…yep.” He turned around and walked towards the bedroom.

Buck smiled watching him go and picked up the flowers to put them in a vase while he waited.

“Are you ready?” Chris asked him walking into the kitchen. Buck glanced back seeing him walk into the kitchen leaning against his crutches. “Dad, has no idea.” He smiled.

“He liked the flowers.” Buck nodded. “Nice touch.”

“When are you going to ask him?” Chris asked.

“I’m going to wait until we’ve ordered desert then get down on one knee I ask him, he says yes hopefully—“

“He will.”

“And then we’ll be engaged by the time desert comes and we celebrate with maybe a glass of champagne or two.”

Chris face scrunched at the mention of alcohol, “You’re going to be nervous the whole dinner.”

Eddie walked out of the bathroom now ready to leave he grabbed his wallet as he looked for where Buck and Chris had disappeared off too. He found them in the kitchen talking to each other in a conspiratorial whisper, he leant against the doorway watching them.

“Eddie!” Buck jumped noticing him after a moment. “You scared me.”

Eddie half smiled, “What are you two whispering about?”

Buck and Chris looked at each other like he’d actually catch them doing something illegal, “I…er…”

“Maddie’s late.” Chris jumped in.

Eddie looked at his watch, “We don’t have to go just yet—“

“You should go. I’ll be fine by myself until she gets here.” Chris said. “That’s—that’s what I was telling Buck.”

“You want to stay here alone?” Eddie asked.

“I’m nearly fifteen!” Chris argued. Buck’s eyes darted between Eddie and Chris he didn’t want to start off this night with an argument. But Eddie looked at Chris calmly then looked as his watch again.

“Alright.”

“Really?” Chris said surprised.

“You are old enough, I guess.” Eddie nodded. “And Maddie is on her way. Only open the door to her and if she isn’t here in half an hour you call me.”

“Okay.” Chris nodded. “Cool.”

Eddie smiled at him and then his gaze moved over to Buck, “Ready?”

Eddie felt Buck’s gaze as if tracked him up and down he felt the back of his neck getting a little hot as Buck watched him, “Yeah.” He finally said walking over to him. “Let’s go.”

The restaurant they went to was fancier than their usual date night venue and the prices reflected it once he’d opened the menu.

“Don’t look like that.” Buck picked up on look immediately. “Don’t even look at the prices. My treat.”

“Okay, what are we celebrating? What have I forgotten?” Eddie asked him, only half joking.

“I just wanted us to have a nice night okay?” Buck shrugged, Eddie smiled at him reaching over and taking Buck’s hand slotting their fingers between each other. “I love you, let me treat you.”

Eddie smiled softly, “Okay, I love you too.”

Once they’d ordered and had their drinks Buck asked Eddie, “Do you remember our first date?”

Eddie rolled his eyes fondly and smiled, “Of course. I think I could have passed out from stress.”

“It was cute.” Buck smiled. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you ramble like that.”

“I wanted it to go well.” Eddie said. “Don’t exactly have a good track record.”

“Neither did I.” Buck said. “I think we’ve done pretty well so far.”

“Yeah. Thank you.” Eddie said. “For being so nice that night I wouldn’t have blamed you for leaving when the waitress asked our order and I told her we’d been friends for eight years.”

“That was true.” Buck said, Eddie gave him a look. “You were nervous, I get it, first date with a man I knew you’d be worth the wait.”

Eddie smiled at him softly, “Are you sure I haven’t forgotten an anniversary?”

Buck chuckled, “Can’t a guy get sentimental? After all the years I just couldn’t get it right, trying so hard and seeing all these great relationships around me and all that time it was right in front of me.”

“Do you think we wasted time?” Eddie asked him.

“No, I think we worked it out exactly when we were supposed to.”

Their appetizers were brought over and Eddie mourned the feeling of Buck’s hand in his. He always wanted to feel Buck under his hands; his hand, his shoulder, his arm, his leg anything to remind him he was really here, with him and this wasn’t some elaborate dream.

“Um. This is good.” Buck said spooning the food down. “Hen said this place was good but this is really good.”

“It really is.” Eddie said. “You want a bite?”

“Ooh yeah, let’s swap.” Once they’d both eaten about half they swapped over their plates. “Mmm—yeah!” He groaned. “So good. You like it?”

“Hm.” Eddie nodded, but his face wasn’t all too convincing. He coughed reaching out for his glass of water.

“You don’t like it?”

Eddie opened his mouth but the reply caught in his throat, he took a sip of water to try and clear it.

“Eddie?”

Eddie tried to clear his throat and then cough but something was wrong. He tried to breathe in but it was too hard his tongue felt like it was swollen two sizes bigger and his throat was closing up, panic rose in chest.

“Hey, hey are you panicking?” Buck got out of his chair and moved around the table. “Is this a panic attack?” Buck crouched in front of him gently touching the side of his face. “Eds?” But Eddie could only wheeze in response, he gripped onto Buck’s arm, Buck moved his shaking hand to Eddie’s neck. “Your pulse is way too fast.” Buck glanced around. “Someone call 9-1-1!”

Buck could not believe he was ending the night in the middle of a busy emergency room with a nurse leading him towards Eddie’s bed where he’d been treated for anaphylaxis. Anaphylaxis.

At dinner he’d decided he didn’t want until desert he wanted to be engaged to Eddie now so he was going to drop down on one knee after their appetizers but then Eddie’s throat closed up and ruined his plans once again. The universe was really fucking with him lately.

The nurse led him to the right bed and pushed the curtain back enough to reveal Eddie laying in the bed he had an oxygen mask around his neck and an IV drip in the back of his hand but other than that you wouldn’t know anything was wrong.

“Hey.” Buck was at his side in a second wrapping his arms around him and pulling him into a tight hug. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” He shook his head. “Ruined dinner.”

“I don’t care about dinner. You couldn’t breathe Eddie.” Buck said. “Are you supposed to be wearing this?” Buck asked pulling at the oxygen mask loosely.

Eddie shrugged, “They said only if I need it.”

Buck frowned, wondering if Eddie did actually need it now he was never very good at taking care of himself. "They think I'm allergic to sunflower seeds."

"Sunflower seeds?" Buck asked shocked. "What just one day suddenly become allergic?"

"Allergies can develop or with things like seeds sometimes you don't know because you don't tend to eat them that often." The nurse explained. "But the doctors going to prescribe you two EpiPen's you should try and keep one on you at all times and then we'd advise going to allergen specialist in case you have other allergies to be aware of."

"Thank you, yes," Buck nodded taking the prescription from the nurse. "We will definitely do that." Buck turned back to Eddie. "You've never had a sunflower seed?"

Eddie shrugged tiredly, "I don't know."

"You never had an everything bagel?" Buck demanded.

"I like plain." Eddie said. "My mom tried to ban bread in the house one summer we managed to bargain her up to one bagel in the week."

Buck double took at that story, "She's like an almond mom?"

"Have you met her?"

"God." Buck groaned, leaning back against the bed.

"I'm sorry." Eddie said. "I'll get us a make up dinner."

"Don't apologise." Buck shook his head, reaching out and taking Eddie's hand. "I'm just glad you're okay. You kinda freaked me out."

"Now you know how it feels when you stay in a fire for a dog." Eddie replied.

"I don't think that's the same." Buck said.

"Yeah, yours was a choice."

Buck laughed, the teasing was easy between them and it was the quickest way for Buck to feel better. He stepped forward and kissed him gently.

"Love you."

"Congratula...tions?" Maddie finished with a confused look on her face as Buck waved her down manically. "What?"

"For not dying." Buck added quickly, glancing back at Eddie. “I—I text her to let her know about the allergic reaction that took us to the ER." Buck said pointedly at Maddie, her face dropped in realisation.

"Oh." She said, then turned to Eddie. "Yes. Sure. Cong—Congratulations for that." She paused. "Wait, allergic reaction? To what?"

“Sunflower seeds." Buck said. “Couldn’t breathe. Throat closed up.”

"It didn't close up. It was just a bit...swollen." Eddie shrugged. "Everything go okay?" He asked Maddie.

"Better than dinner is sounds like." Maddie said looking between the two. “We had dinner and watched some TV. He went to bed about an hour ago - cannot wait until Jee learns about taking herself to bed." She smiled.

"Okay, I'm going to check on him and have a shower. Thanks Maddie, we'll have to return the favour sometime."

Maddie laughed, "Yeah my two are a bit of different evening but I will be taking you up on that."

Eddie kissed Buck on his way towards Chris' room, Maddie waited until he was out of sight before she turned to Buck expectantly.

"What happened?"

Buck dragged her into the kitchen so Eddie wouldn't overhear, "We'd ordered, we had our drinks, I was being sentimental and talking about our first date. He looked so good, it was romantic as hell. I decided I wasn't going to wait until desert I wanted to do it now I was going to wait until we'd had our appetizers and then he starts wheezing and choking on air because of an allergic reaction!"

"Oh my god." Maddie said.

"I know!"

"But he's okay." Maddie said.

"Now I've got to make a new plan." Buck groaned.

"Or you could take a nice moment between the two of you and do it then." Maddie offered. "It doesn't need to be extravagant."

"You think going to a restaurant is extravagant?" Buck asked.

"That restaurant." Maddie nodded. "It doesn't need to be fancy. Propose in the living room, propose in this kitchen."

"I am going to make it special if it's the last thing I do." Buck told her.

"Okay." Maddie gave up. "I'm going home."

"Thanks for coming over." Buck called as she walked to the door. Buck pulled out his phone already looking for ideas for his next big plan.

"Hot air balloon." Buck said, saying the words like an announcement. "At sunset."

Chris scowled, "Dad hates flying."

Buck rolled his eyes, "Didn't mind getting into a helicopter to go to Vegas." He muttered.

"Means to end to see a fight." Chris told him. "Still hated it."

"Okay, big screen at a basketball game." Buck offered.

"You hate basketball." Chris scrunched up his nose.

"Your dad doesn't." Buck pointed out.

"Didn't something happen at a basketball game once? Chimney told me...you were there and Dad and To—"

"Okay!" Buck cut him off. "Not basketball."

"What about the beach?" Chris suggested.

Buck scoffed, "And remind him about the time you nearly died on my watch? No thank you."

"What about the pizza place we always go to?"

"Not special enough." Buck shook his head. "This person made a scavenger hunt across different places that meant something to them and the last one led them to an intimate dinner with him down on one knee."

"That sounds more like your perfect proposal." Chris said. "Can you imagine dad doing a scavenger hunt...on his own?"

"He didn't mind the treasure hunt we did a few years ago." Buck grumbled.

"That he did with you." Chris pointed out. "Key detail."

"Helicopter ride over the coast!" Buck said reading from his phone, when he looked up Chris was looking at him like he'd grown a second head and Buck realised what he'd just said. "Oh, shit, yeah no. Never mind. Don't tell your dad I said shit in front of you." Chris rolled his eyes. "At a firework display."

"He has PTSD from getting shot a lot of times!" Chris said slowly, like he was explaining something very complex to someone very stupid.

"Okay!" Buck said. "I was looking at ideas."

"You're making this way too complicated." Chris rolled his eyes.

"Camping?" Buck said going back to the list on his phone.

"It's like you don't even know him." Chris shook his head.

"A flash mob!"

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes!" Buck nodded. "He thought it was a good idea when Chimney was going to propose to Maddie."

"Are you sure he wasn't teasing Chimney?" Chris frowned.

"No, this is good." Buck nodded.

Chris sighed throwing himself back against the cushions, "At this point I wouldn't even blame him for saying no." Buck glanced back at him. "Kidding." Chris smiled at him.

"Um-hm."

Eddie did not consider himself to be a suspicious person. He didn't believe in jinxs, he didn't believe in curses, he didn't believe in karma but he did very much believe that he knew Buck better than anyone. And something had been up with him for months. And the problem was it wasn't like he could point to something and say Buck did this and it was weird there was just...something going on. But everyday there was a voice in the back of his head saying something was going on with Buck, and Buck seemingly didn't want to talk to him about it, getting louder and louder every day. This is exactly what happened weeks ago and then everything returned back to normal but it was weirder than ever now and Eddie was loosing sleep over what could possibly be the problem.

And the problem was Eddie felt like he was going crazy. He knew something was going on but he asked Hen about it and she said she didn't see it. He knew Buck was acting weird and he talked to Chimney and he said Eddie and Buck were spending too much time together. He tried to ask Bobby some more under the radar questions and he just told him to talk to Buck.

He felt like he was out of some inside joke everyone knew but him. Even Chris was telling him he was paranoid. Eddie? Paranoid? He didn't think so.

But something was going on and Eddie was going to find out what it was.

“We’re all on shift, we get a call, we go to the scene except it’s all actors there’s no emergency and then you, Bobby, need to tell Eddie to start medic whatever for the fake patient and then just as he’s about to start the music starts everyone in the call that looks injured jumps up and starts dancing then everyone around join in and then all of us and everyone in the team starts dancing. Eddie is confused, no idea what’s going on and loves it and then I walk through to Eddie get down on one knee and propose.” Buck explained, Bobby, Hen, Chimney and Ravi all looking at him with an array of expressions from confused to exasperated.

“How much Brooklyn 99 have you been watching?” Chimney asked him. “You know those heists episodes are episodes…of TV.”

“It’s quite…extravagant.” Hen offered.

“Yes.” Buck pointed at her, nodding. “Exactly. It should be extravagant.”

“Isn’t that going to cost a lot?” Ravi asked. “Aren’t you both broke?”

“We are not broke.” Buck rolled his eyes. “Our credit isn’t great but who’s is?”

“When are you planning this?” Bobby asked, determinedly keeping his face neutral.

“I don’t know I have work out how to order a flash mob first.” Buck shrugged. “But no one can say a word to Eddie.” He pointed at them directly. “Not. A. Word.”

“Oh man.” Chimney sighed.

“Alright, okay we’re going to have to tweak it just a little bit Buck.” Bobby said, Buck’s head snapped towards him in betrayal. “I can’t ask the chief to take us off shift for who knows how long, to give us a fake caller and use the trucks and ambulance to go to a fake call Buck.”

“But it’s for Eddie!”

Bobby gave him a look and Buck sighed dramatically. He got to his feet grumbling under his breath as he marched down the stairs to find Eddie he couldn't keep the team busy for long without Eddie involved or he'd get too suspicious.

"Is it just me or is Buck getting way too worked up about the actual proposal?" Chimney asked the group. They all turned to look at him with equally unimpressed looks, Hen in particular. "What? I was not this bad!"

"All I know is if he doesn't ask soon Eddie might have an aneurysm. He's got like a sixth sense for when Buck's hiding something."

"Does this mean we have to learn a dance or not?" Ravi frowned.

"At the rate Buck's going you're going to have to learn a whole musical number." Chimney nodded, holding up his hands to do jazz hands.

It had taken nearly two hours to get the apartment fire they'd been called to under control. There was at least three firehouses here maybe more had been called since Buck had last heard. But the fire was mostly out and now the only immediate concern was the stability of the building. There had been a few floors giving way but so far nothing that had caused any extra harm. Buck exited the building with Ravi walking towards the engine to take a breather before they rejoined the efforts making sure victims got the correct care and stabilizing the building before they left.

They found Hen and Chimney in the makeshift first aid tent far enough away from the building to be deemed safe.

"Hey, where do you need us?" Ravi asked, Buck's eyes searching for Eddie.

"Start triaging along there." Hen pointed towards a group of about ten victims still needing to be cleared. "If you're unsure just bring them to us."

Ravi nodded and headed towards the group but Buck waited, "Where's Eddie?"

"He got called in." Chimney said. "There was a call from siblings on the fifth floor. It was given the clear but they were missed hiding under the bed."

Buck scowled, "Wasn't clear then."

Chimney glanced at him, "He went in with two from 133. Sure he'll be out soon. Now can you...?" He gestured towards the group. Buck grabbed a med bag and headed towards where Ravi was.

He was just about to kneel to start assessing when he heard the IC over his radio.

"All teams, all teams, be advised we are evacuating the structure. Structural integrity is not good. Repeat full evacuation is in effect."

Buck looked at Hen and Chimney who were already looking in his direction having heard the order over their own radios. Buck didn't waste another second getting to his feet and running around the building where the IC was stood with two other captains, including Bobby. He saw a team of three run out the building and then another two with a victim between their arms. But none of them were Eddie.

"Cap!" Buck yelled as he ran over. He didn't even have to say a word he knew by the look on his face. He changes course immediately straight towards the building but was soon stopped a heavy weight against his chest and he was yanked back. "Stop! Get off me!" He pushed Bobby off him.

"Buck, you need to stop." He said seriously. "You can't just run into a burning building that's got no structure. How does that help?"

"Eddie's in there!"

"One team left." The IC said. Eddie. That was Eddie's team. "Evacuate immed—" Before he could finish his command into the radio there was a loud rumbling noise and they could tell from the dust and smoke emanating from the building that multiple floors had gone. "Diaz, Smith, Dale. Respond."

Then there was movement and through the smoke two firefighters appeared one with a small unconscious figure in there arms.

"Diaz?" The IC called out to them as they ran over to a gurney and let the paramedics take over with the girl who could only be eight.

One of them looked around, confused, "He was right behind us."

No. Fuck, no.

"He had the other kid. Three or four, really jumpy, tried to run away like three other times. Maybe something spooked him?"

"Eddie, do you copy?" Bobby asked into the radio.

This couldn't be happening. Buck felt like his entire chest was caving in every second felt like an eternity, every breath felt like a betrayal, every cell of his body wanted to run, bolt into the building but he knew we wouldn't make it one step. He could barely hear Bobby trying to reach out to Eddie over the radio.

This couldn't be happening. It had taken them eight years to realise what they really wanted with each other, it had taken him months to realise it was all he ever wanted forever and go and buy a ring. It had taken him nearly two months of failed proposals and white lie after lie.

This couldn't be happening because Buck was so uninterested in a life without Eddie.

Buck didn't notice the smash of glass to the right of where Smith and Dale had come running out it must have been a room least affected if the windows hadn't already been blown out. Smoke billowed out and it was only when people started pointing it out when Buck looked over in time to see Eddie emerging from the smashed window a tiny figure in his arms Eddie's helmet on his little head, arms wrapped tightly around Eddie’s neck. Buck watched dazedly as Eddie walked over, as casual as ever, Bobby said something to Eddie Buck couldn't hear and Eddie when replied Bobby clapped his back with a smile.

Buck still couldn't hear anything.

Eddie walked over to the gurney the little boy’s sister was sat on as paramedic checked on her, he sat him next to her he took her helmet off his head saying something to him. The boy didn't say a word but put his hand on Eddie's cheek before his sister pulled him into a hug. It was only when Eddie was sure he was being looked after that he turned around his eyes searching. Buck stumbled over his feet towards Eddie and slammed into his chest wrapping his arms around Eddie who made a hmmph noise at the surprised force.

"Hey Buck." Eddie said, Buck didn't trust his voice to reply just holding on tighter in reply. Eddie didn't say anything more knowing, better than most, that there was nothing to say just letting Buck feel him was all he could do.

Buck reluctantly let him go after a comment from Bobby still not trusting his voice he pushed Eddie towards the triage area. As Buck followed his eyes locked onto Eddie he decided in that second he wasn't wasting another day.

He was proposing to Eddie tomorrow.

Eddie woke the next day his body aching in the usual way it did after a long shift. He had no idea what time it was they'd both collapsed in bed after getting off shift late. He reached towards Buck's side of the bed but was met with empty sheets. Eddie peered through his half open eyes and seeing an empty pillow Eddie closed them again. He groaned rolling over onto his back and reached out to his nightstand but instead of finding his phone his heart lurched as felt paper under his hands. All remnants of sleep pushed away suddenly wide awake he looked seeing the note folded in hand stood atop of his phone he couldn't help but he smacked with a memory so similar to the one he was currently reliving. The only difference was no little Chris in his bed telling him she was gone.

Oh god. Oh no.

He could feel the terror crawl up his throat, along his spine in his haste to get up his feet tangled in the sheets and he fell off the side of the bed. Eddie groaned at his already aching body.

"Eddie? Are you okay?"

Eddie's head snapped up seeing Buck's face above him, Eddie kicked the sheets off him and pulled himself up.

"What the hell is going on?" Eddie finally snapped. Before Buck could say anything Eddie continued. "You leave me a note," Eddie gestured towards the unread note. "But you're still here? You've been acting weird for months! You're hiding something I know you Buck and I know all of your tells and it's been weird!" Eddie began pacing back and forth in front of Buck who just let him talk a soft smile on his face he knew Eddie was anxious now but just knowing how surprised Eddie was going to be was worth it. "And don't think I don't know you've got everyone else involved as well! What is it? You've been complaining about me to all of our friends?"

"Wait—"

"You tell me you're doing one thing but you're actually doing something else, I know you've been lying to me, money disappears from our account and then you put money in as if I just won't see that! You go from acting like everything's fine to definitely lying to me, you leave me notes to wake up too." Buck frowned at the last point then it hit him and his whole face dropped.

"Oh no...that was..."

"If you're planning on leaving just cut to the chase!"

"Eddie—" Buck tried again. "That wasn't—"

"I keep going back and forth, fine, not fine." Eddie span around marching out the door.

"Wait, wait!"

"If you want to go I'm not keeping you prisoner," He walked down the corridor completely missing the petals he was walking on. "If you want to go then..." His voice came to a stuttering stop as he stepped into the living room, his jaw dropping a little seeing the room was filled with balloons, each one about the size of Jee, spelling out the words 'Marry me?'.

Breath caught in his throat staring at the golden balloons sun bouncing off them, Eddie felt tears burning in his eyes slowly he turned around and found Buck behind him on one knee holding open a box with a ring nestled inside.

Eddie knew he was shaking as he pointed towards Buck then his hand dropped down, "You...you don't want to get married." His voice was a little wet with tears and he was trying desperately hard to keep them from escaping his eyes.

"That was a little miscommunication with Chris." Buck told him with a smile. "We talked it out, all sorted."

"You...?"

“The note was an oversight, sorry about that, but I would very much like to marry you...If you'll have me."

"When...when you were busy with Maddie...?"

"Looking for a ring." Buck nodded. "Takes a lot longer than you'd imagine. Hopefully you like the one I chose." Eddie let out a half laugh half sob he couldn't take his eye's off Buck's face to even look at the ring feeling like if he did he'd wake up from a dream of a reality that would never come.

"And a-all the—?"

"Weird behaviour? Yeah, turns out I am not good at lying to you but I really wanted it to be a surprise. I was going to do these big grand gestures but then I thought you died last night so...still haven't answered."

He jerked slightly realising himself that he hadn’t answered, "Yes. Yes." Eddie nodded. "Always. Yes."

Buck stood about to take the ring out when Eddie pulled him into a hug a sob he'd been trying so hard to keep inside finally escaping as Buck's arm enveloped him.

"Hey." Buck said softly keeping one hand on Eddie's back the other moved up to the back of Eddie's head, cupping it gently. “Eddie?” He pressed his face into Buck’s shoulder for a moment longer before pulling back and looking at him.

“I really didn’t think you wanted to.” Eddie said, another tear slipping down his cheek.

“Oh.” Buck said using his thumb to wipe at his tears. “I’d marry you in a heartbeat Eddie. I’d go to the courthouse tomorrow, I’d marry you in the pouring rain or in the middle of a fire. I’d marry you in a mudslide or…or a falling blimp.” Eddie laughed, pulling Buck towards him and kissing him. When Buck pulled back he took the ring out of the box and then took Eddie’s’ hand sliding the ring onto his finger; a perfect fit.

“I love you.”

Buck smiled, “I love you too. I was planning this whole flash mob proposal so sorry if this is a bit—“

“No, no this was perfect.” Eddie smiled, squeezing his shoulders. “I still kinda ruined.”

“No.” Buck shook his head moving forward until their lips were a breath away from each other. “You’re perfect.”

Soon they would pick up Chris from school and they’d take him to their regular pizza place and tell him they were engaged. Soon they would call Maddie and Chimney, Hen and Karen, Bobby and Athena, Pepa and Abuela.

But for now, it was just for the two of them and they were going to enjoy the moment with only each other.