Chapter Text
First loves never last.
That is something that has been told to Charlie since before he was even in his first relationship. For so long that wasn’t true to him, when all of his friends seemed to find true love just like he did with Nick.
Then Elle and Tao broke-up a month into their long distance relationship starting when she was off starting Uni and Tao was still stuck in Kent. Even still Charlie would say “Yes, it happens but not to every couple!”
Then a month from Christmas break, Tara and Darcy broke-up. Darcy told him it was because with Tara off at school and them taking their time to find what they wanted, the two of them were drifting too far apart.
With that, the doubts started to creep on, especially with Charlie's mom speaking bluntly about Charlie planning his future without Nick “Just in case” or that Nick “might want to try new things on his own” . Cracks started to appear in their relationship before the Christmas break even made it to them.
Nick was often busy with Rugby, school, LGBT society and trying to stand on his own. Charlie could see he was really starting to thrive there, and he was so happy for him especially after he knew how worried Nick was about being on his own.
However, Charlie slowly started to worry he was standing in the way of Nick's new life with every missed call, missed facetime or late text reply. He knew Nick was trying so hard to juggle it all and to include Charlie as much as he could. Still distance grew as Nick was more distracted on the facetimes and the calls grew shorter.
Nick would talk about his new life at Leeds and while Charlie was happy for him, he also felt like an outsider looking in. When Nick would ask him about his life back at Kent, Charlie slowly found himself starting to lie to him, which only made the feeling of distance grow stronger.
The lies started because he didn’t want Nick to worry. Their friend group was in shambles. Elle and Tao were no longer speaking. Tao had then thrown himself into his drama and film club to avoid Charlie and Issac. Slowly he made his own friends in those groups.
As for Issac, he was working in the Library for pretty much all his free time and wanted to avoid all the horrible feelings associated with his friends break-ups. Though he did still reach out to Charlie when he had a new book to discuss.
Darcy fully threw themselves into working as much as possible and spending more time with their grandmother. They were also saving money to start a backpacking trip around Europe as soon as they could. At the start Charlie still saw them at the café but after they were fired, they stopped seeing them completely.
Everyone else of course was away starting their new lives at university just like Nick, even his big sister Tori had left home.
As lonely as Charlie seemed to have become he knew he couldn’t bring Nick down as he started this big journey, so the lies started. It wasn’t like he wasn’t honest at all, he was still Headboy, he was busy trying to figure out where he was going to university, working at the café still and he maintained his eating just fine on his own.
With all the lies and distance growing, Christmas break did still come out enjoyable. Nick and Tori home! Charlie couldn’t have been happier. He listened with a giant smile as they showed pictures and told stories about their time away. When asked about the others Charlie would just say they had to spend time with their families. Plus, he would tell Nick “I just want you to myself while I can for a little while.” Nick would then smile and kiss him till Charlie felt all was right in his world again.
Of course after the Christmas break the chasm between them continued to grow, with nothing Charlie could see to stop it. The text became less and less frequent, the facetimes nonexistent and the calls less than two minutes long.
At long last the day of Charlie's birthday, he could see the end coming when there was nothing on his phone from Nick, then a day later after he let his phone go to voicemail he received a message from him. He was out of breath with a lot of noise coming from the background sounding like maybe he was in the locker room. Nick said, “Oh god Charlie I am so sorry! I feel terrible that I missed- “ someone yells in the background as Nick cuts himself off before starting again, “I swear it just gets so crazy here but that is no excuse, I promise I will- “ again he gets cut off as someone yells his name. “Sorry, we just won our game and the guys are ready to go celebrate when I saw the date and needed to call to- “ then the call drops.
After that he stops responding to Nick's calls, he just replies to him in a text saying not too worry he was pretty busy anyway. Charlie knows Nick must have called Tao and Issac when they both stop him at school to ask how he has been. So Charlie lies again.
He tells them he is fine, just really busy and that he will see them soon.
Later when he is alone on his break at the café he starts to write, as was suggested by Geoff at one of his appointments in the new year, Charlie decided to write his feelings in his own way.
“Darling, handle me with care
Cover me in bubble wrap
I'm scared you really mean it
That you're never coming back
See your bag right by the stairs
So I guess you already packed
No, I can't change your mind
But how could you just leave like that?
Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh
I'm not ready to let you go
So just give me one more night
Hold me like you're still mine
Oh, love me for right now before you leave me
I know it's gonna hurt
Watching your footsteps strides
So love me for right now before you leave me
Oh, oh
Oh, love me for right now before you leave me
Oh, oh
Oh, love me for right now
I'm so used to getting damaged
Then you know I hate this part (oh)
So I gotta take advantage of a fully broken heart
Won't you stay a little longer even if it's all pretend? (Oh)
And maybe by the morning, I will be ready for the end
Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh
I'm not ready to let you go
So just give me one more night
Hold me like you're still mine
Oh, love me for right now before you leave me
I know it's gonna hurt
Watching your footsteps strides
So love me for right now before you leave me
Oh, oh
Oh, love me for right now before you leave me
Oh, oh
Oh, love me for right now, whoa
I walk right out the door, whoa
'Cause you don't need me anymore, oh-oh-oh, whoa
Got one foot out the door, whoa
'Cause you don't need me anymore
You don't need me anymore
You don't need me anymore
Just give me one more night
Hold me like you're still mine
Oh, love me for right now before you leave me
I know it's gonna hurt
Watching your footsteps strides
So love me for right now before you leave me
Oh, oh
Oh, love me for right now before you leave me, oh
Oh, oh
Love me for right now”
After Charlie was done, he looked down at what he had written and felt like he was finally letting Nick go. All he wanted was for Nick to be happy and he seemed to be doing so well there without Charlie. It didn’t seem fair to keep expecting Nick to hold himself back, even just a small piece, with Charlie. He knew Nick would never do it himself as he was just too giving, so it was up to Charlie to do it for him if he really loved Nick. So Charlie sent the text,
“I am sorry, but I can’t keep going on like this. It is best if we just end it now as I wont be in Leeds next year and have plans to be away this summer. I love you but we both knew deep down this would never work. Please Nick just be happy, that is all I want for you.” And with that sent Charlie, blocked Nick's text, and because he wanted no reminders of his past, he deleted his Instagram. When his old friends inevitably reached out worried and curious he simply ignored them as well.
Charlie knew Tori worried but could do nothing from her university and his parents both just tried to keep their thoughts to themselves, though he could see his mother was relieved at the news.
As for Charlie himself, he knew he had to keep himself out of the dark and not let him shut himself away. So he started spending more time at the café, making friends with two of the people he worked with now. He also continued writing, starting a new passion he had no idea was inside him.
He was determined to create something of this new life he was facing, even if it meant having to let go of the one person he always felt he was made for.