Chapter Text
“What sort of ingenious creation shall I make for our next show…?” As I sit in my workshop after practice with the others, I ponder what sorts of things would truly wow an audience. And of course, would make Tsukasa-kun shine even brighter than he already does. Fufu, explosions would be fun, but alas, Tsukasa-kun never lets me… Hmm… But what shall I do instead…? I could create another device to launch him up into the air…or put him in a cannon again… No, I’ve done that before, it wouldn’t be enough to amaze the audience, and he’d certainly scold me. But I suppose even with that, I can’t help but be happy that he found me and saved me from my loneliness… I can’t even imagine what I would have done had he not reached out and made my whole world brighter with even his presence alone. Ah, I’m getting distracted. Focus brain. Even if my face feels warm, and my heart won’t calm down, I need to ignore it. There’s no good in getting lost in these sorts of feelings. I should be happy with what I have. The fact that he’s my friend is good enough for me. More than good enough. …Right?
I start to feel a strange pain in my chest. How odd. Perhaps I ate something too quickly earlier? I raise my fist to my chest and lightly hit it to see if anything is maybe stuck in my esophagus, but nothing comes up. Weird. Grabbing my pencil and a loose piece of paper, I brush off the strange pain and decide to start sketching ideas. Just because my chest hurts a bit, doesn’t mean I should be slacking off. I can’t afford to worry about something small like that when everyone is relying on my inventions. So long as I keep to myself about what’s going on, all should be well.
A few hours pass, and it’s getting late. I look at my phone to see it’s already midnight. Ah, I suppose I’ve still got a few hours to spare before I need to go to sleep for school. Perfect. I’m finally starting to finish up this idea of mine. The pain isn’t gone though. But no matter, I’ve got more pressing things to worry about. I lightly hit my chest again, eliciting a cough before I get back to work. Surely launching miniature fireworks won’t get me in trouble with Tsukasa-kun… I chuckle softly at the thought of Tsukasa trying to scold me for this. No matter how much he yells and berates me for my crazy ideas, he has never kicked me out. Even when I’ve accidentally hurt him. I still can’t figure out why. What does he see in me that others don’t? Why does he accept my eccentricities so…naturally? Since when have I ever been so lucky? What did I do to deserve such a bright star in my life? My mind is wandering again. Focus. Why must you take over my thoughts, Tsukasa-kun…? I just can’t think straight. I’m used to my mind being cluttered though. Even if it’s not normally mostly with a person, I can deal with this. I take a deep breath and turn on some quiet music on my phone. The background noise will hopefully help me stay focused better. Once it reaches around 3:30 in the morning, I unplug my headphones and put my project away. I’ll have to sneak it into class and work on it there I suppose. Tsukasa-kun would scold me if he found out I pulled an all-nighter on this project. I’ll just have to keep quiet about the fact I’ll only be getting around 2 hours of sleep at best tonight. Oh well.
I move to my cluttered couch and brush the stuff off gently before lying down and pulling my pink blanket over myself while my head rests on the arm of the couch. I probably should learn to sleep somewhere better on my back, but I’d have to clean my room for that, and that sounds like a hassle. Around thirty minutes pass and I fall asleep, the strange pain still lingering in my chest for whatever reason.
As I wake up in the morning, I’m greeted with the usual blinding sunlight of the start of the day. My body takes a few minutes to properly wake up, but after that I sit up and walk to my closet to get changed into my uniform. The pain in my chest seems to be better, so that’s nice I suppose. I wonder what caused it though. Once I’ve gotten changed and done what is required hygiene wise for the morning, I decide to tinker for an hour to wake up before I start walking to school.
As I leave my house, I see Nene next door with her miniature gaming console, completely absorbed in whatever video game she has gotten into this week. I greet her with my usual smile, and she nods in return, not taking her eyes off the game. She does end up walking with me though, so I at least have company on my journey to school. Our walk is quiet, save for the clicking and clacking of the console. But it’s a peaceful kind of quiet. The walk is uneventful, and we eventually make it to school where I hear the all too familiar boisterous voice of our dear troupe leader and star. I may not normally prefer incredibly loud noises, but he’s an exception. His bright, shining confidence always lightens my mood and brings a smile to my face. Just how does he do that? I greet him in return with a smile and nod as we all head to our classes. When Nene makes it to hers, Tsukasa-kun and I cheerfully wave her off and wish her a good day before heading to our shared class. Who knew I could be lucky enough to now share my classes with the brightest star in the entire world? I used to think my final year at school would be boring and lonely like nearly all of my others, but it seems I have been proven wrong. I really don’t deserve you, Tsukasa-kun…
Morning classes go by fairly quickly as I sneakily work on last night’s project. Even as Tsukasa-kun insisted he would not allow me to keep bending and breaking rules, he has not been successful. Though it’s always quite amusing to watch him try. I even see him shoot me scolding glares throughout class when he sees me tinkering, but those of course don’t deter me. If anything, I have to stifle a small chuckle each time. Seeing his adorable but charming face- no. I can’t be thinking like that. Though I can’t hold back a small smile whenever I think of the various faces he makes. I love each and every one. They all are a part of him after all. What’s not to love? Ah, my mind is spiraling again… I really need to get these feelings under control. I have no idea how he may react if he found out how I really feel about him. My chest hurts again. That’s rather strange. As I stand up to leave after class, I lightly hit my chest again and cough. Tsukasa-kun shoots me a worried look, but I simply smile back. “No need to worry, probably just something in my throat, like dust.” I walk with him to the rooftop to eat lunch, and when I sit down and open my bento… Ah, it appears my mother is trying to kill me again. I glare at the cold veggie sandwich that she has tainted my bento with. When I take a peek at what Tsukasa-kun has, it looks delicious. A little manipulation won’t hurt… “Tsukasa-kuuun… Would you like to trade this incredibly healthy and delicious veggie sandwich for your extremely unhealthy looking fish one?” I have to hold back a visible cringe at calling vegetables delicious. Tsukasa-kun gives me a deadpan look. “Rui, eat your vegetables… And my food is always incredibly healthy, thank you very much. I slave over preparing such an amazing luncheon fit for a star of my caliber!” Aw, my tactic didn’t work it seems. Oh well. Guess I’ll starve then. I refuse to put that vile thing in my mouth. The smell alone is just about making me gag.
I pull out the project and my tools to start working again, even as I see Tsukasa-kun glaring at me. “Rui… Eat your food. The vegetables won’t kill you. They’re good for you.” I shake my head and keep tinkering, though I can’t ignore the growls coming from my stomach. But I refuse to eat that…thing. I see Tsukasa sigh and pluck around his bento, and assume that’s the end of the discussion. I certainly don’t expect him to bring his chopsticks that are holding a bite of fish up to my mouth. My eyes widen a bit and he moves the food closer. “I can hear your stomach from here, and since you’re being stubborn about not just eating your sandwich, I’m sharing a little of my food. So eat.” Ah, Tsukasa-kun is so kind. I happily open my mouth and take the fish before closing my eyes and chewing contently.
His food is delicious, and I don’t normally go for anything but junk food. I suppose his luminance even spreads to his cooking. He continues feeding me for a while, and I have to attempt to ignore the heat rising to my face from just how happy I am that he’s doing something sweet like this for me. Why must I get so giddy over the smallest things…? I was never like this when my mom fed me as an infant, so why am I with him? Ah, I suppose it’s always different with him. He always gives me a funny, but warm feeling. But I could never tell him that. How troublesome. These feelings make me so happy, but at the same time, so painfully sad.
My chest hurts more now, and I feel a sharp pain in my throat. I start to cough a bit, hoping to get whatever may be stuck out. Maybe there was a small bone fragment in the fish? I lean forward and brace myself with one hand, while the other is over my mouth. Tsukasa-kun rushes over, clearly worried, and rubs my back a bit as I cough. But nothing comes out. No matter how hard I cough. It just hurts. I sit up and take a deep breath, but see Tsukasa-kun looking apologetic. “Sorry, it must’ve been something in the food… I probably missed a bone. Are you okay?” I think for a moment. I didn’t feel anything strange go down my throat. Is the coughing caused by something else? I look at Tsukasa-kun with a reassuring smile. “I’m fine. No need to worry, I don’t think it was the food.” Tsukasa considers what I said for a moment and smiles. “Well, as long as you’re okay! We wouldn’t want our dear director to be hurt or sick after all!” I nod in agreement. It’s always nice to hear how much he and the others care.
Soon after that whole situation, the bell rings and we have to go back to class. I pack up my things, including the vile, grotesque, pungent sandwich that I am incredibly tempted to throw off the roof of the building, but decide against so Tsukasa-kun doesn’t scold me for littering that filthy piece of garbage. We walk together back to class and sit in our respective seats. It’s too bad we don’t sit next to each other, but I’m grateful that I even share the class with him in the first place. But of course, my school day is not complete without at least a little chaos. With a small remote in my pant pocket, I set off a large chain of miniature confetti cannons all over the school and courtyard. Yellow confetti ends up everywhere, much to the teacher’s rather amusing anger. Tsukasa-kun looks at me with exasperated eyes while the teacher yells my last name. It’s the same as always. I take Tsukasa-kun’s hand and drag him out of the classroom with me as I run to a good hiding spot, smiling the whole time. Meanwhile, Tsukasa-kun is ranting and raving about how I need to quit causing trouble and dragging him into my messes. But I just laugh and keep running as the adrenaline makes my heart race. We make it to a closet by the track field where batons and other miscellaneous things are stored. It’s thankfully unlocked so I open it and drag Tsukasa-kun in with me while putting a finger over his mouth to keep him quiet until the teachers leave. He glares at me, but stays quiet.
The closet is dark, but thankfully not very cramped. I’ll have to keep this hiding spot in mind for future reference. A few minutes later, I hear the teachers walk away, but I choose to stay in the closet. I look at Tsukasa-kun and smile while moving my hand away. “You should be able to talk now, but keep the noise down to a minimum.” He glares at me again, meanwhile I just chuckle at the ado- funny expression on his face. The adrenaline dissipates and my heart finally starts beating at a mostly normal pace. Tsukasa-kun looks up at me and starts giving me a long lecture about having good behaviour at school, and how I should be more focused on my classes. Most of it goes in one ear, out the other. I’m too busy admiring how cute he looks like this. Heat rises to my face again, and I feel my heart beat faster. I want to just squish his perfectly soft face and plant kis-no. I need to stop thinking like that. No matter how much I love him, we are friends. I don’t have the right to think of sweet things like that. I try to ignore the rising pain in my chest and lungs, but it’s worse. Yeah, it’s definitely not from the food Tsukasa-kun gave me earlier. But then, what is it from?
I don’t realize I’ve zoned out until I see Tsukasa-kun snapping his fingers in my face. “Are you even listening to me? Hello… Earth to Rui…!” My eyes widen for a second before I revert back to my usual smirk. “Ah, my apologies, Tsukasa-kun. It’s just the thought of attending school normally and being on good behaviour just sounded so painfully boring that my mind wandered to things that actually interest me.” Tsukasa-kun lets out a frustrated grumble and I chuckle once again. I’m surprised he even tries to make me a better student at this point. There’s no way I’ll stop using my inventions at school. It’s just too dull without my added chaos. Besides, my grades are at the top of the class, so I really have nothing to worry about academics wise.
I open the door of the closet, and Tsukasa-kun and I leave. Tsukasa-kun smiles and does one of his signature poses. I believe it’s number twelve, but I could be mistaken. “HAHAHA, FRESH AIR AT LAST!!!” I chuckle softly at his enthusiasm. Going back to class would be instant punishment from the teachers, so I lead Tsukasa-kun to the garden where I work. I can still be productive, even if I’m skipping class. Tsukasa-kun follows hesitantly, not nearly as eager to be skipping class as I am, but not really resisting either. I think he enjoys this more than he likes to admit, but I choose to not press him on it. We arrive at the small garden, and I start getting out my tools. I look back fondly on the time when Tsukasa-kun first found I was in the greening committee. His reaction was priceless. Plus seeing that adorable fall of his, all because of a small bug was certainly amusing as well.
I kneel down and start carefully digging around for any weeds inhibiting the flowers’ growth, not minding getting dirt all over my sweater. After all, the lovely show these flowers put on is always a bigger priority than laundry that can wait a bit. Tsukasa-kun watches over my shoulder with a curious look. That adorable face quickly switches to one of pure, unadulterated terror as a small spider starts crawling up my arm. Truth be told, I likely would not have even realized if not for Tsukasa-kun’s terribly amusing face. And of course the complimentary scream that people overseas likely end up hearing. “R-RUI YOUR ARM! YOUR ARM! S-S-SPIDER!” I simply chuckle in response and move the spider onto my shoulder, not wanting to accidentally squish it while working on the flowers. I feel it crawl up my neck and along my cheek before it eventually climbs to the top of my head and rests there. Poor Tsukasa-kun looks like he’s bound to have a heart attack. I suppose even a bright star such as him has a weakness. He’s like a red supergiant, so bright, but even a small thing is enough to make him explode. Except it’s insects for him rather than the build up of pressure from creating an iron core that leads to its extravagant demise. Ah, this gives me an idea for our next show… A space theme could work. Perhaps different universal bodies could be played by each of us. Tsukasa-kun could be a red supergiant, Nene could be part of the oort cloud, Emu-kun could be a floating asteroid, and what could I be…? Perhaps one of Saturn’s around 200 moons? This show could be more of an educational one aimed towards kids, rather than an action one.
My brain snaps back to reality as I accidentally prick my finger on a small vine. I wipe the finger off on my sweater and start to get back to work. That is, until Tsukasa-kun starts scolding me again. “Rui! You can’t just wipe a wound off on a dirty piece of clothing! That’s asking for an infection! Take the s-spider off your head and come here so I can clean your wound!” I have to stifle a chuckle at Tsukasa-kun’s stuttering. I don’t even see why a small cut on my finger is such a big deal, but I suppose it’s nice that Tsukasa-kun wants to look out for my health. Plus, I get the impression my mother may say the same thing. And she has the experience there. I stand up and walk over to Tsukasa-kun as he pulls out a miniature first aid kid from his pocket. He really is prepared for any occasion. I wince as he starts using an alcohol wipe. It stings and I am not a fan. But I know that it has to be done, so I don’t fight it. When he’s done with the wipe, he puts some kind of cold, sticky slime on the wound. Probably an antibiotic cream. I physically cringe at the sensation, it feels gross. Tsukasa-kun clearly holds back a chuckle at the face I’m making, but I suppose I probably do look a little funny. He finishes by putting a bandaid with a cute pegasus design. That’s adorable. I wonder how he’d react to me making him a little pegasus balloon. Maybe I’ll do that at some point just to watch his face light up with excitement.
I smile at him and proceed to get back to work on the flowers. The school day eventually ends, and we decide to wait for Nene to meet us so we can head to the stage. Emu-kun will also likely run to our school to meet up as well. We wait for a few minutes, and as I predicted, Emu-kun comes running right at us, tackling everyone in a large hug. I hear Nene let out a high pitched noise of surprise, meanwhile Tsukasa-kun starts flailing about, attempting to get Emu-kun to stop crushing him. I simply smile happily and lay there until Emu-kun has decided she has hugged us sufficiently.
We start walking to the nearby park, and once we’re out of sight of people, we click on ‘Untitled’ and enter the sekai. Greeted by the wondrous scenery and beautiful lights, I can’t help but smile as I always do when I come here. I see KAITO-san approach us and greet us with a smile. “Welcome back. You all seem eager to practice, so the stage is free. Mind if we watch as usual?” Tsukasa-kun is the first to speak up. He strikes one of his poses and gladly agrees. Emu-kun excitedly explains how that would be “super duper wonderhoy” and does the accompanying gesture. Nene is quiet and nods, meanwhile I nod as well and explain that it would be our pleasure. We all walk to the stage and set our stuff down before heading to the tents so we can change into our practice wear. Once we’re done, we head back over to the stage, and I bring the work in progress invention with me. I can’t wait to see their reactions. Especially Tsukasa-kun’s since he’ll be the one testing it out. Tsukasa-kun brings over some rough scripts first from the ideas we had brainstormed last time.
We read them over and have a vote on which is our favorite. Once that’s done, I present my portion of the work with a smile that alludes to absolutely no mischief whatsoever. “I apologize that it’s not finished yet, but this is a sort of prototype for something I’d like to use in our show. Since Tsukasa-kun always tells me no on large explosions, I decided to make a device for smaller, safer ones instead. It gives the same effect thanks to some illusionary work, but there would be no harm done to the user. And at the same time, it launches the user up I’d say about… 13 meters? I haven’t fully tested it, but that’s Tsukasa-kun’s job since I anticipate he’ll be the one making use of it. So, shall we start the testing, Tsukasa-kun…?” I see Tsukasa-kun’s face turn rather shocked for a second before he quickly recovers and switches back to normal. “T-thirteen meters huh… Yeah! I can handle that! I’m destined to be a star after all!” He is very clearly nervous, but I decide to not comment on that. Though Nene never seems to miss an opportunity to ridicule him. “At this rate you’ll literally become a star if you keep letting Rui shoot you higher and higher into the air…” Tsukasa-kun and Nene start their usual banter as Emu-kun and I watch on the sidelines with a smile on our faces. It’s always amusing to see those two interact like this. I can’t help but be happy that I found these people. Or, well I suppose they found me. I see Emu-kun look up at me with a curious gaze. “Hm? Rui-kun, you look really happy! Did something wonderhoy happen?” I simply chuckle in response. “I just like how fun it is to hang out with all of you. There’s never a dull moment.” Emu-kun smiles back at me and I decide it’s probably time we get back on track for our show, as entertaining as the squabble between Tsukasa-kun and Nene is.
“Tsukasa-kun, I have the device ready for testing! I’ll go ahead and lay out a mat to make sure you land safely if something goes wrong.” Tsukasa-kun gives a final pout to Nene and then walks over to the contraption that I set outside so there’s room for the launch. I can hear him mumbling under his breath, likely trying to hide how nervous he is about the height he’ll be launched. And the fact that there will be miniature explosions around him. I lay the mat out where he should end up landing according to my calculations from this morning and gesture him onto the launchpad. At the press of a button on my remote, Tsukasa-kun is sent flying, and hundreds of miniature fireworks go off around him. But I quickly see where I miscalculated. He will land just ahead of the mat, right onto the floor. Face first at that judging from the direction he’s falling. Adjusting the mat would take too long, so I simply decide to run and pray that I manage to catch him before he hits the ground. Luckily, I do, but because of how fast he is falling, he crashes into me with quite a bit of force, causing me to fall to the ground, right on my back. It hurts, but at least he should be okay. I sit up and rub my back a bit before checking if he’s alright. “Tsukasa-kun, I apologize for my miscalculations. Are you alright?” Tsukasa-kun groans a bit and rubs his head, but then smiles at me reassuringly. “Yeah. My head hurts a bit, but I should be fine. And no need to apologize, you managed to catch me, so I should be thanking you! I’m surprised you realized you’d need to do that so quickly.”
Despite his words, I still feel rather guilty. If I had checked my work more thoroughly, this wouldn't have happened. I sit up and help Tsukasa-kun to stand. Nene and Emu-kun run over to check on the both of us, while KAITO-san ruffles my hair a bit with a reassuring smile. “Tsukasa-kun is fine, no need to feel so bad about a small mistake. It happens.” The gesture and KAITO-san’s kind words make me smile softly. I still feel bad, but I’m also glad to know that Tsukasa-kun is okay and no one is mad at me. I decide to make some changes to the device to make it a bit safer. This time, I triple check my calculations. The others make curious faces as they listen to my mumbling while I’m crouched over the device and make notes on a piece of paper. Tsukasa-kun in particular looks incredibly confused as he watches over my shoulder. “Does…anyone understand a word of what he’s saying?”
I chuckle lightly and continue my work. It’s rather amusing to see Tsukasa-kun watching my work with wide, curious eyes. Adorable even. When I’m done, I do some small scale tests with random objects, and assess their mass and overall size in comparison to Tsukasa-kun’s. If my calculations are correct this time, the device should work as intended. I present the device again with a smile. “Okay, shall we try again, Tsukasa-kun?” Tsukasa-kun nods excitedly. It seems he’s a lot less nervous now, which is surprising since it went wrong last time, but I’m glad he trusts me. We run the test again, and thankfully nothing goes wrong. He gracefully lands on his feet and strikes an extravagant pose. Ah, thank goodness that worked out. And he did it so splendidly too. KAITO-san and the other virtual singers applaud him while I smile happily.
We finish our practice a few hours later without much issue. Just some brainstorming and exercises. I’ll have some more mini projects to work on, but I can always sacrifice sleep for that. No big deal. But how bizarre. That strange pain is back again. What in the world could be causing it…? I don’t believe I’ve caught any illnesses that would warrant pain like this. It almost feels sharp. Like thorns are poking into my ribs, heart, and lungs. Not enough for real damage, but I can feel it. And I certainly don’t like it.
Ah. My mother is well versed in biology. I can always ask her. Perhaps she has an explanation! I bid the others farewell, trying to ignore the growing pain when my eyes meet Tsukasa-kun’s. Seriously, what is causing this? I walk home, faster than usual, hoping my mother isn’t busy with work or one of her friends. I wouldn’t want to disturb her for such a trivial issue. Thankfully, when I arrive and take off my shoes, I see my mother simply in the kitchen making tea. I walk over to her and think about how to phrase my question. “Hey mom, I’ve got this strange pain in my chest and throat, do you have any idea what could be causing it? I’ve eaten and drank plenty of water, and the pain only comes up at random points. It’s not always there.” My mother puts her hand to her chin in thought. She looks puzzled for a moment and then meets my eyes again. “Is it a sharp or aching pain? And how severe is it?” I quickly answer her question, hoping she has an idea. “Sharp. It feels like there’s small thorns or needles pricking me from inside. It’s not very severe, but it’s noticeable.” She thinks again and walks me to the medicine cabinet in the bathroom. I watch her grab out a small bottle. “Here. I’ll give you a couple acetaminophen tablets. I know you don’t like how they taste, but it should help relieve the pain. You mentioned it only comes up sometimes. Can you pinpoint anything consistent about those times? Were you working, or maybe in a stressful environment?” It takes me a moment to really think about that answer. Mostly because I know the consistent thing, but it doesn’t make sense. “Well, it’s always whenever I think about Tsukasa-kun… But that doesn’t make much sense.”
My mother smiles in thought. “Tsukasa-kun… He’s that blond friend of yours right? The one you always talk about with such a soft look on your face?” My face goes bright red. Am I really that obvious? I take a deep breath and focus back on the conversation. “Y-yes. Why? Do you have any ideas?” She shakes her head. “Hmm, no. Not yet. But I’ll try to look into it for you. I wouldn’t want my precious son suffering after all!” I feel her ruffle my hair a bit. While most people my age may be embarrassed to be treated like this by their mother, I love it. It makes me smile.
After chatting with her for a bit longer about possible causes and my school day and such, I head to my workshop. Surrounded by all my precious creations and the clutter of my room, I sit down on my couch to relax. The pain has gone away for now. That’s good. I know my mother said she would look into it, but perhaps a brief internet search won’t hurt. Maybe it will make her life easier if I deal with this myself. I go to my array of desktops and turn on the PSU. Ah, what do I even type? Oh, maybe this will work. I go to a browser and simply look up keywords about chest and lung pain caused by thinking about the person I…love. There are some ads and random things about cancer. Please don’t be cancer. I scroll through the different reliable websites, but a lot of the other things don’t fit for whatever ailment is listed there. But, I soon come across a webpage mentioning something called “Hanahaki Disease”. As I read through the symptoms, things fit much better, but my heart sinks when my eyes land on the cause. “Hanahaki Disease is caused by unrequited love”. What am I getting so upset for? There’s no way Tsukasa-kun would love me back. I know that. I don’t deserve love from someone as amazing as him. Almost to laugh in my face, the pain comes back. Worse. I grip the top of my shirt tightly as I continue to read the page. My eyes go wide when I see the solutions, or consequences if not cured. “If the disease is left untreated, the affected will cough up flower petals, and eventually full flowers. Vines will grow in their lungs, and they will either die of blood loss, or suffocation. The only ways to cure it are to either have the love be requited, or to surgically remove all memories of the person of interest, and never be able to love them again.”
I almost wish it was cancer instead. At least then, I may have a slim chance of surviving… I immediately turn off my computer and put my face in my hands. I either get to die painfully loving him, or erase all memories of Tsukasa-kun. Even if the latter would be smarter, I can’t give up those memories. He brought light into my lonely existence and gave me the opportunity to pursue my biggest dream. I can’t lose that. I don’t even know what I would do. Would I still be here without him? He saved me from that painful loneliness. I never even knew a person could shine as brightly as he does. But what do I do? Either way, I’ll probably end up dead, but I suppose I’d much rather die loving him, than die alone and miserable.
I feel something stuck in my throat. Ah, it must be whatever petals I’ll cough up if this website is correct. I hit my chest and cough into my hand. It seems I was right. Sitting on my cold, slightly calloused hand, with a few small drops of blood, is a small yellow chrysanthemum petal. How fitting. It’s like this disease is some kind of twisted joke or punishment. I’ll have to hide this from the others though. They can’t know that I’m going to die from something as stupid as my feelings. I don’t want them to worry over such a menial thing. Even if it’s lonely. I can always love Tsukasa-kun from a distance. I suppose it will be less painful to think about once I get used to that reality.
Mentally drained, I’m tempted to simply fall asleep on the couch, but I have work to do. I can’t laze around and let the troupe down. I force myself off my stool and sit at my work table. Everything hurts. My hands are trembling as they hold the tools. My mind is racing, but not in the way I need. I can feel my eyes trying to shut, but I won’t let them. I rely entirely on muscle memory to build the robots I need since my mind can’t focus. My phone eventually lights up with some random system notification, but I don’t care. However, my eyes land on the time. 3:30 am. After already not sleeping much the previous night, the realization of how late it is just makes me more tired. But it’s not the first time I’ve pulled an all-nighter. If it will make the others happy, I’ll gladly sacrifice my sleep. It’s not like it matters anyway. This disease will likely kill me before sleep deprivation does.
Hours later, and I’m still working. I’ve scraped and burned my hands multiple times with the tools by accident, but I don’t really care. I have to unfortunately get ready for school by now. What a hassle. After stuffing my tools and projects in my school bag, I change into my school uniform and use a bit of makeup to cover up the dark circles around my eyes so I don’t worry everyone. When I make it to the main area of the house, I wave my mother goodbye and leave the house to go to school. I don’t even really pay attention to my surroundings, just taking the route I’ve memorised to school. The campus is far too loud for my tired mind, it’s making my head hurt. I see Tsukasa-kun, but I don’t know what I can say to him right now, so I act like I don’t see him yet, and sneakily reach into my pocket to grab a couple acetaminophen tablets out of the small bottle I brought as I can already feel the pain rushing back.