Chapter Text
Zoey’s happier than she’s ever been, finally defeating Gwi-ma life was finally back to normal, right.? Well the answer is no but she could pretend it was, she had to be strong for her friends, even if that meant suppressing her feelings.
Finally waking up—having barely slept at all—she stared at the ceiling, contemplating whether or not she should go back to sleep. That's when her phone started buzzing. She picked up her phone. Well, it was only the first alarm, which probably meant she had a few more minutes to sleep. But then she looked again: “How is it already 8:10?!"
She practically leaped out of bed and rushed to the bathroom, her mind on autopilot. Quickly stripping off her clothes, she turned on the cold water, hoping it would wake her up fully. Stepping into the shower, she flinched slightly at the freezing water. Shit how could she be so forgetful? Today she was supposed to be going out with her girls to see this movie that just came out. “Stupid.” She muttered to herself.
After scrubbing herself clean she wrapped her hair up in a towel doing to same to the rest of her body, only her legs and shoulders on display. She then went back into her room to get dressed closing the door behind her.
They will surely leave you after this Zoey.
You’re not enough for them.
The voice sounded far away like a voice she recognized but couldn’t make out.
She tried to push those thoughts from her head, Zoey knew they wouldn’t leave her.. Right.? Of course they wouldn't! And it wasn't fair for her to think like that when all they did was show her love and affection.
She tried to reassure herself as she walked to her closet and decided on a pair of black sweats and a black crop top. She dropped her towels on the floor, quickly put her clothes on and walked out to the living room but nobody was there. Feeling a slight twinge of panic she then went to the kitchen: nobody. Their bedrooms? Empty. She quickly pulled out her phone, to text the group chat.
Group chat:
Zo💝: 8:46
where are u guys
Rumi🤍🩶 : 8:46
we’re at the convenience store to pick up a few things, we should be back in a few minutes
Mir💕: 8:46
awww miss us already??
Zo💝: 8:46
duhh, i miss u guys so so so sooo much :((
Mir💕: 8:47
we will be back in like 30 minutes plus we are getting u bubble tea
Rumi🤍🩶: 8:47
[attachmentimagePicOfRumiAndMiraBothHoldingBubbleTeaNextToTheirFace]
Zo💝: 8:47
im crying with happiness i love u guys
Zoey turned her phone off and walked back into her room. It was so quiet, normally, she enjoyed the silence because it helped her focus and was overall calming. But not today. Today, the silence felt suffocating. Being quiet meant she was left alone with her thoughts, with nothing to distract her. She could get on her phone or watch TV, but that wouldn’t help for more than five minutes.
She climbed onto her bed and hugged her knees to her chest, turning back on her phone trying so desperately to distract herself.
"You will never be enough, Zoey. Stop trying."
That voice sounded like Mira's, it sounded like her but it didn't sound like her.
"Please I can still fix this! You were never supposed to see!"
That voice was unmistakably Rumi's.
Guilt flooded her body, filling her like a cup overflowing with emotion. ‘I don’t deserve them,’ Zoey thought, tears threatening to spill from her eyes. The memories she had worked so hard to forget came rushing back, like they had missed her.
She recalled how scared Rumi had been, how desperate.
‘Please, I can fix this. I can fix this!’
Rumi’s voice rang through Zoey’s ears like a bitter aftertaste. Her vision blurred with tears as her body shook with sobs. “I’m so sorry, Rumi.” Her nails dug into the sides of her arms, the only thing grounding her.
“They’ll leave.. as soon as they realize how pathetic I am, they’ll go. They can’t leave I need them.” The thought of losing Rumi and Mira made Zoey sob even harder.
And then there was Mira…
“There's no we Zoey I don't get to have a family.”
They needed her help why didn't she help them? Why was she never enough?
She didn't help them. Why couldn’t she—
Her next breath came out strained, and Zoey tried to breathe normally, but every breath came out as a wheeze, strained.
She couldn’t breathe.
Trapped within her thoughts, she didn’t hear the door open.
Mira and Rumi walked into her room, laughing about something funny that had happened.
“Zoey, you will not believe who we saw at the convenience store—”
Mira looked up at the younger girl, looking at each other then back at their lover. “Zoey?” Rumi asked, a slight panic in her voice. Mira cautiously approached her, placing her hand on Zoey's, noticing she was trembling.
“I—I can’t breathe,” she wheezed.
Mira quickly sat down next to her, concern etched on her face. “Calm down. Just breathe with me,” she said, guiding Zoey with her gentle breaths. In and out. Rumi sat down beside Zoey “Can we touch you?” Zoey nodded almost frantically and Rumi carefully pulled a trembling Zoey into her lap. “Shh, it’s okay. We’re here, and we’re not going to leave you Zo,” she murmured, holding Zoey’s hand reassuringly.
Mira continued to breathe in and out to guide Zoey. Rubbing her back gently.
They stayed like that for a while Rumi whispered sweet nothings to her. And Mira is helping her breathe rubbing her back. Once her breathing was somewhat stable, Rumi decided that this was enough. “Zoey, mind telling us what happened?” She spoke gently, as if speaking too loudly would hurt Zoey even more.
After a few beats, the youngest finally spoke.
“I’m so sorry...” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. Mira and Rumi looked confused, unsure of what she was apologizing for or what she wasn't telling them. “For what, Zo? You didn’t do anything—” “Yes, I did!” She snapped, her voice strained and hoarse it didn't sound like her, immediately regretting her tone as a wave of dizziness washed over her. Mira and Rumi almost looked shocked but not quite.. Almost like understanding.?
“I drew my weapon on you Rumi, we were supposed to be the people you could run to!” Zoey's lip quivered, but she continued. “You came to me for help and I was a coward.” She said as tears started to stream down her face again, Zoey couldn't force herself to look at them..
“And Mira.. I could have done something to help you but I didn't I just watched you walk away because I was scared that if I faced you it would become real.. Too real and I would lose you both forever! But I love both of you so much it hurts to even think about it like that and I know I'm not being reasonable and I know I probably look silly right now—”
“Zoey—” Mira tried.
“ But I just love you both so much—“
“Calm down, of course we love you, okay? “ Mira nodded.
“She’s right and nothing will ever change that, We can talk about this when you’re in the right state of mind, alright?” Mira put her hand over Zoey’s slightly smaller one, her hands were so warm and soft..
Zoey nodded weakly.
Rumi and Mira smiled instinctively. “Now what do you need Zo ?” Rumi said combing her fingers through the youngest’s slightly mussed hair.
“I want to stay like this,” Zoey said, scooting closer to Rumi and Mira. Rumi and Mira shifted up on the bed to lie down properly, forming a cozy cuddle puddle with Zoey in the middle.
Soon Zoey drifted to sleep, her head resting on Mira’s midriff, and Rumi spooning her. If she could they would stay like this forever.