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Oliver Bearman wouldn’t call himself naive by any means. Sure, the occasional teenage naivety that effortlessly came on its own as a crucial part of every teenage thought process happened to him once in a while. As for his defence - he is one of the two teenagers on the 2025 Formula 1 grid. Last year, when he was eighteen, still competing in Formula 2, Ollie was sure he had it all figured out - he had already signed his contract for next few years, becoming a full time Formula 1 driver for Haas. He even rented an apartment in the center of Bologna and moved out on his own. His heart was, most of the time, filled with love and joy. Until Kimi ruined it all. Just thinking about it still brought tears in his eyes. Ollie really believed Kimi was the one. He was so sure that they are forever.
The tears were stinging in his eyes, when he sat up on the sofa to reach for a bunch of already used, scrunched up tissues on his table.
He is tired already and the season has barely taken off. Tired of all the unnecessary questions about why the former Prema teammates stopped talking. People were used to them being joined at the hip the last season.
He knows what to answer, obviously, he’s been through enough media training to be able to give the most bland, vague, PR approved answer. Something along the lines of; “People just grow apart a bit, but we keep in touch.” or his personal favourite - “We are still fine off-track, it’s just the level of competitiveness in this sport.”
They are, in fact, not fine off-track. The last time they spoke properly was in Abu Dhabi at the beginning of December. He remembers that. Kimi was more than clear when he ended things between them.
Someone is knocking on the door of his room and before he is even able to form a coherent sentence to answer, the door swings open to reveal Esteban, intensely watching some movie on his phone, marching into Ollie’s private space.
Ollie grew quite fond of his new teammate, really. They are not friends. Not yet. Ollie has learned that it’s better to stay cautious, but Esteban is trying his best to get Ollie to warm up to him.
“Hey, Ollie I was just about to go to the Sky-,” Esteban lifts his eyes from whatever Marvel movie he’s watching. Shit, Ollie realises his eyes are probably red-rimmed and his nose as well. He tries to play it off like it’s nothing. “Yeah I was just about to head out. you can wait on me outside if-” Esteban cuts him off in the middle of a sentence. “Are you crying? Is everything alright? What happened?”
Ollie doesn’t think he can get away with this easily. “All good I swear,” He swallows. “It’s probably just the stress getting under my skin. Don’t worry about it.” Esteban isn’t convinced by whatever Ollie has to say.
“You sure?” Ollie can’t do much more than a single nod because he’s afraid that if he were to talk, he would tell Esteban everything. “Alright,” Eseban throws his arm around Ollie’s shoulders in a brother-like gesture, guiding them both towards the media pen.
While some drivers apparently enjoy this whole media day circus, Ollie is not one of them. He finds out, about two minutes in, that he absolutely dislikes it. He can see the other rookies on the other side of the paddock, near the Mercedes motorhome, standing in a circle, waiting patiently for their turn in the media pen. He wishes, desperately, that he would go up to them to catch up. But Kimi is there too and Ollie is not ready to face him just yet. It’s inevitable and he is well aware of it. They will be forced to interact sooner or later.
As it turns out, it's sooner than later. About three hours later, he is informed by the Haas PR officer that he and the other rookies are scheduled to hold an interview together.
Laura Winter is an amazing woman. Ollie can sense her positive attitude from a mile away, but is very quickly reminded that he has to sit next to his secret ex-boyfriend for the next hour. It's agonizing, sitting next to someone who broke his heart into millions of fragments while waiting on him to glue them back. Ollie still does have that hope. That they can reconcile, that they can be them again.
Right now, Kimi can’t even look at him. Ollie is not looking at Kimi directly - he stares at his own hands, twitching with a black ring he takes off just for races and just maybe spares a glance or two to look at Kimi’s beautiful face up close. It’s the closest they’ve been, physically, since Abu Dhabi.
Ollie is not listening to whatever Isack is explaining to Laura right now. He’s too busy with his ring when she asks him who he thinks will be his closest rookie battle this year. “I hoped Kimi would be the closest.” Laura and the other rookies are a bit taken aback - they are obviously aware of the tense atmosphere between the two of them. Kimi speaks up fast after him but it feels rather like an eternity; “I hope Fernando!” Gabi agrees, “Yeah, Fernando Alonso.” while poor Laura is oblivious to the social media reference. Kimi has always been good at distracting people from the real point of conversation and right now, Ollie is grateful for it. He wasn’t as grateful when Kimi did exactly that when breaking up with him.
Ollie suffers through the rest of the interview. There are too many questions about him and Kimi. Isaac tries his best to get everyone to talk about his current anime obsession instead of Ollie’s and Kimi's relationship but fails miserably. After what feels like hours they are eventually free to go. Estaban is already waiting outside of the building for Ollie. “How did it go, mate?” Estaban takes Ollie by his shoulders. “As good as expected. So many unwanted questions. Like they expect me to describe my break-up in front of the whole racing world.”
Oh
Oh
“So that’s what has been eating you the whole time.” Estaban states as they are walking back to the Haas motorhome. “I didn’t want anybody to know he broke up with me. It’s stupid.” “Hey, it’s not stupid. It’s just life.” Ollie wants to believe him. He knows he and Kimi are going to have to talk, eventually. Maybe, when enough time has passed, they can even be friends again. Ollie doesn’t know if he’s ever going to be able to handle a conversation with Kimi without breaking into a mess of tears.
“When I see him in the paddock every weekend it’s so hard to not think about what we could have had.” Ollie explains when they get to his driver’s room. “You two are going to get through this.” Estaban insists and Ollie disagrees. “You don’t know what happened between the two of us.”
His teammate smiles with that kind of smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes. “I know enough. I have seen it so many times Oliver. I’ve been here for nine years. I’ve seen it more times than I could count. We call it The Curse. In my rookie season, in 2016, it happened to Lewis and Nico. Now last year it got Oscar and Logan. Before then, it got Danny and Jules.” Nothing like this has ever crossed Ollie’s mind but he doesn’t want to dig into it now. “You’ve still got time Ollie, don’t waste it on something stupid like a fight between you two mate.”
“I won’t beg him to come back. I might love him but I won’t humiliate myself like this. I’m not desperate.” Estaban shakes his head. “When he broke up with you, did you ask him to come back to you?” “I said if he wants to break up so badly he can do as he pleases. He’s a grown man.” “Well maybe that’s the reason why he hasn't come back to you yet in the first place. Maybe he just wanted someone to chase after him. To want him with all of his rights and wrongs.”
“I don’t care. He can do whatever he wants. I have nothing to apologise for.” Ollie knows his teammate is right about the chasing thing, ofcourse. But he won't beg.
The testing in Bahrain goes about as well as expected. They never expected to be the fastest and sit in the middle of the midfield comfortably.
The feeling of sitting in a Formula 1 cockpit is not one many people get to experience. Since Ollie took part in his first Grand Prix he was thrilled every time he sat in the car again. The track smells like rubber and the Sun is setting down.
Ollie drives like a madman. One lap after another, sometimes stopping in the pits to change his tires or to have a quick debrief with the engineers. Sometimes he spares a glance towards the F1TV broadcast to look at the times of other drivers. Maybe even Kimi’s. When he finishes his session, he knows he is due to do the media. He answers all the questions again and again, politely. It’s draining. His undershirt clings to him uncomfortably under his fireproofs. The AC is broken and Ollie is cursing the whole of FIA in his head that they let them give interviews in this kind of conditions.
He doesn’t remember going back to his driver’s room. His clothes land on a chair instead of a laundry basket as he slips into the shower. Hot droplets of water hit his body and while the room is becoming foggy and the weather is running more loudly than it probably should, he lets it all out. He let Kimi go. Esteban was right, maybe Ollie was supposed to stop him from leaving. maybe there would have been hope.
Ollie slips into a pair of sweats, faded Prema t-shirt and curls up in bed, phone beside him. He is tempted to look at it - the pictures from today have already been posted, he got notification from F1 official Instagram account earlier. He’s laying on the bed debating if he should look for a half an hour already when there is a knock on the door. Ollie jolts upright as he was doing something forbidden.
It’s Esteban.
“Hey.” His older teammate greets him overly enthusiastically.
“Hello. What are you doing here?” Ollie is curious.
“We were supposed to have dinner today together. Did you forget about it?”
Shit. “I’m so sorry, today was kinda hectic and the spin I had. I just forgot about it. I’m sorry. Maybe we can grab a bite another time?” Ollie apologises. “It's alright,” Estaban waves it off. “I’ve sent Flavy to go get us some take-out. I hope you eat mediterranean.”
Ollie nods frantically. He is still tense and his left leg is shaking. “You did very well today. Solid, consistent. The team is looking for this.”
Ollie frowns. “We are still not fast enough.” He points out. “True,” Esteban laughs as he takes a seat on the floor, across from Ollie. “I mean, the first car you drove was a Ferrari.” That makes Ollie smirk a little. “True, I guess.” Esteban's eyes suddenly sparkle. “Ladies, a gentleman, he can smile!” “That’s not nice!” “But it’s true though.” “I smile when I have something to smile about. The car felt good.”
Estaban is not laughing anymore when he speaks up again. “Do you want to talk about the car or about what’s actually been bothering you the whole testing?”
Ollie hesitates for longer than he thought he did when Esteban says. “George had to go check on him after, you know?.”
“Did he?” “Yeah, apparently he didn’t show up to the team briefing after the session.” Ollie is taken aback a little. Kimi never forgot about something like that. “You both forgot about something today, mate. I can already tell when it’s not just the car.”
“I really want to hate him. But I just can’t. I wish I could blame it all on him and move on.” At this point Esteban knows what happened, it’s to no use to hide it anymore. His teammate hesitates. “Do you want to know more about The Curse?”
Ollie nods. He forgot about it until Esteban mentioned it. “Every few years, a couple of talented, bright drivers finds its way to the grid. It’s usually two childhood friends or perhaps teammates from the feeder series. They love each other the only way they know. It’s raw, young and passionate. Like a fire. It ends ugly and twice as fast than it should. It happens to everyone who dares it.” Ollie frowns. “I think you are exaggerating.” “Maybe. Everyone says it’s never been broken. It always ends in heartbreak. Someone leaves. Or gets hurt, or worse.”
“That’s very optimistic.” Ollie answers sarcastically. “But I think you could be the ones who break it. Few drivers outsmarted it - left racing before it was too late. You still love him, right?”
“I do.”
“Then don’t wait on him to say something.”
“But he said some terrible things that really hurt, that mind you, he still hasn’t apologised for.”
“I bet he did. Would be surprised if he didn’t. Logan said some nasty stuff to Oscar too back then when they were still together. It was even worse with Lewis and Nico.”
“I don’t believe in that sort of magical shit.”
“You don’t have to believe it to live it.”
Saying that the airport is crowded would be a major understatement. Multiple fans stop him to get a photo, signature or just to say hi - which Ollie loves. A girl and a boy, probably twins, not older than ten, wave at him enthusiastically the whole time he is at the border control and the day couldn’t have gotten any better. Until he boarded the plane.
His window seat, 12A - because of course it has to be 12A, is occupied by a large bag that definitely doesn’t fit in the overhead locker. Ollie rolls his eyes, in a swift manner moving the bag to the seat next to him.
The plane is tiny, just two seats on each side. He doesn’t make that much money to upgrade every time he flies while paying rent in the centre of Bologna and saving up. He is used to not being able to stretch his legs comfortably. He puts his headphones on, the stickers he put on them are about to fall off, as he is blasting songs one after another, eyes closed.
Someone taps his shoulder right as he is about to fall asleep. “I was thinking if you wanted to switch places.” He hears a familiar voice. It’s Kimi sitting right next to him. “Kimi?” He can’t believe his own eyes.
“Yeah? I noticed that you are all scrunched up in the window seat.” To be fair, Kimi has a point.
“That would be great.”
When they switch, Ollie speaks up again; “Thank you.”
Kimi looks him in the eye, softly. “It’s nothing.” Ollie suddenly decides that he has the guts for a small talk. “So the bag here was yours?”
“Yeah.”
“You should have taken a smaller one.” Kimi is stunned, not knowing how to respond and when he finally does, he stutters. “Um, probably, yeah - ohh you know what. I’m going to sleep now.” Ollie has this feeling that he hasn’t had in a while. It’s like taking a breath after a tough, humid night race. The pressure finally disappears from his chest when Kimi looks out of the plane window and doesn’t look back at Ollie.
It’s the first time they talked since December.
When they land in Italy, he doesn’t wait for Kimi. Ollie is, in all honesty, excited to go home. His siblings and parents are waiting for him already. He picks his little sister up and spins her around. Thomas is laughing at them, his dad and mom pick up his bags and they are heading home. It’s been a long time since he felt like a normal teenager.
Ollie’s sister is already asleep when Thomas knocks on the door of Ollie’s room and slips inside without any hesitation. Ollie’s laying in the bed, AirPods on full volume, scrolling through his Instagram feed. He takes his eyes off the screen, takes the earbud out and acknowledges his brother. “What do you want?”
“What about; Hi Thomas, how was your week?”
“Ok. Hi Tommy, how was your week?”
“Great I guess. I want to hear what happened at the testing.”
“I already told y’all during dinner.”
“Yeah, maybe, I’m here for the uncensored version.” Thomas sits down on Ollie’s desk. “Did you finally talk to Kimi?”
“If I say yes will you please go to your own room?”
“Blimey, who do you think I am? Definitely not. So did you?”
“I mean, sort of.” Ollie contemplates whether to tell his younger brother about the small talk on the plane. “They sat us together on the flight home and he offered to switch places so I’d have more leg room. That’s basically it.”
Thomas frowns. “He wants you so bad.” Ollie glances at him. “Let it go.”
“Oh my god Ollie stop being so fucking sad about it all the time. Since the last race you’ve been acting like a teenage girl in a fucking romcom. Are you a teenage girl?”
“No?”
“So stop acting like one!”
“I don’t care if he lets me have a better seat on a plane - he owes me a damn good apology.”
“So what do you want me to call him on the phone or what?”
Ollie doesn’t know what to say to that. On one hand, he wants to talk to Kimi. On the other hand - he would probably just freeze and say nothing. Thomas does eventually give up and bolts to his own room, leaving Ollie alone.