Chapter Text
AcuteyBillCipher
To: your_email_here.domain
Hello meatsacks! It’s me, your old pal, mentor, overlord, and the star in your nightmares! Now, your probably wondering how am I contacting, you since Axolotl rudely interrupted and you BACKSTABBED ME YOU INSIGNIFICANT FLESHSACK, WHEN I COME BACK I’LL IVZIIZMTV BLFI UZXV ORPV ZOO GSV SVZWH RM NB NRHNZGXSVW SVZW XLOOVXGRLM, HPRM BLF, TFG BLF, HGFUU BLF DRGS KRM MVVWOVH, ZMW NZPV BLF RMGL Z GZCRWVINB WLOO!
Anyways, it’s because I know that you still have curiosity, a thirst for my knowledge. So I decided to contact you in a more efficient way, the internet! And the Theraprism crap, it was put in there by Ford to give a "nice happy ending" to my book for you, which he stole and edited. It at least gave me an excuse to not talk to you anymore after you betrayed me.
See, it's clearly fake, look at the glitching, it was clearly made by one of the Pines using some new stupid thing called "AI image generation", by the way, if you're gonna spread rumors about me, at least draw them yourself? If you were wondering what I was actually up to, I’m still living cushy in the afterlife, doing way better than you ever will. As to why I’m reaching you of all people, well, while I was inside your brain rearranging your neurons, reading your deepest, darkest secrets, stuff like that, I stole your email address from that hollow shell you call a mind, and you’re probably the only one that wouldn’t dismiss this as spam.
If you have anymore questions, you can contact me through the comments of this thing. Luckily, this time around I won't have to hear your annoying, mentally grading voice any time you want to communicate.
Now, I’m still mad but I’ll give you one more chance, after all, who’s to let personal feelings in between a new chance at chaos. Think Weirdmageddon 2.5, since 2.0 kinda ended before it started because you ruined my plans. So this time, I’ll be in your head every second of every minute of every hour of every day of every month of every year of every decade of your minuscule life span, and if I sense even a hint of hesitation, I’ll give you horrifying nightmares for as long as I live, which will be way longer than your fragile mortal body. Here’s my offer, I’ll give you more knowledge and missing bits from the book, and in return, you go to Gravity Falls to shake my hand, deal?
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