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Dear Fred,
I don’t know how to start this letter, but I have come to the conclusion that in order to keep going with my life, I must write it.
I love you.
I love you, I still do, and I don’t think I could ever stop loving you. You are one of the most important persons in my life, you've taught me so much that I know I wouldn’t be the me I am today without your presence in my life.
Our little Maya is growing bigger day by day and I hope you can see it, but she’s the exact copy of you. She has my teeth and curls but the color is yours, the freckles and smile is yours and everytime she laughs it’s like seeing a mini version of you, a gift.
I know you’d want me to be happy, to keep going but my soul is still after yours. Chasing dreams, dreams that hug me every time I get scared, because you are in them.
Everyone was shocked when I revealed to them our relationship. George helped Maya and me in everything, he and Angelina are always happy to take care of their niece anytime I need a break. You’ll be happy to know that the shop is going incredibly well, Ron decided to help George and they are doing a great job. George, still even after I told him it wasn’t necessary, put half of the business—your half— on my and Maya’s name, like you wanted.
Fred. Freddie. God, how I miss you.
My dearest, don’t you ever forget I still wait for you. Every night I wait for you, even if I know you aren’t getting through the door, I wait. The clock hits midnight, Maya wakes up, I put her back to sleep, I get on bed but I still await. I still await for you.
The clock hits one and then I close the door, the hope and the ilusion. Between the shadows, in the night and with empty eyes I see without seeing, without your paire of soft arms around me, to the wall. I see it rudely, until sleep arrives.
It’s never over. I have come to the point where I believe this sorrow never goes, it never fades and that I just need to leave with it. Everytime I see Maya I see you, I love her, I love you and I love that she looks like you but it hurts. It always hurts because she will never get the opportunity to meet the man she looks like, the man from whom her laughter comes from.
She’ll never get to know my greatest love, my living legend and the man that sacrificed so that she could live like she can and I hate it.
I hate it because you, Freddie, you, my love, left such an imprint. You are so far engraved into my heart, into my soul, into my existence and entire being that no one could truly understand me without, at the very least knowing you, and that’s something I only came to realize now when you’re gone. You’ve left such an imprint on me and my heart that anyone who wants to understand me has to know you.
Mrs. Weasly, or Molly like she likes me to call her, stares at George, Maya and me and her eyes go watery. Every single one of us reminds her of you, including me. Everytime I joke with George, the way I move my wand, the way my shoulders move when I laugh…George told me I look exactly like you, and I can’t stop thinking about if you, when you were still with me, copied some of my ways of being too and in case you did, If you noticed.
Crushing on you happened by itself, when I was a little girl and you welcomed me into this magical world. For most people, falling in love is a choice, but with you was an instinct. Everyone chooses who to love, who to work and stay for, but you crashed into my heart and I just knew I had to keep you and your silly jokes. You loved so hard and deep that when I was with you, I learned to love me, too.
I miss you. Every single day, from the moment I woke up to the moment I fell asleep and even when I sleep, I dream of you and your loveable smile. Sometimes I think it is kind of cruel from God, Merlín or whatever higher being there is, to make me love you when they are gonna take you from me.
I would never choose it any other way, though, but it hurts like you have no idea. I feel envious, everytime I see Harry with little Jamie playing Quidditch, knowing how much you would’ve loved to play with Maya and Fred II.
I know it’s selfish, but dare they? How dare the others move forward, deal with all the anger and pain inside them? How dare the summer arrive when you aren’t here to see it? To feel the warmth of the sun in your skin, what you always relished in. The sea waves crash into your hair and reveal your natural curls? How dare the world keep spinning when mine was buried 6 feet under?
I miss you, love. I miss you a lot, I want to kiss you, to hug you, to hold you close one last time and never let go. The last time I hugged you and kissed you, I never thought it would be the last. I knew the fight wasn’t over, but I never imagined that you would leave this world in the next hour.
The promise ring you gave me it’s still in my finger, I never take it off and when Maya turns 18, I plan on gifting it to her, because I feel it’s selfish to be the only one to have a piece of you with me everyday.
Tomorrow is your birthday and even though you’re not here anymore, I have a gift for you, the best that I can imagine. Keep leaving for the both of us. Not letting you be forgotten, your sacrifice along with the other kids that died that day will turn you into a inspiracing symbol as I keep working my way on the ministry, even if it sounds a bit ambitious.
I don’t know if I will ace it 100% or if it is enough, I just know that I want to leave my footstep and that when we meet again, you will feel proud of me.
Happy Birthday, Fred. I love you very, very much.
From your dearest, always and forever yours,
Mione