Chapter Text
“Kriiiiiiiiiiiis, slow down!”
Breeze, warmth.
Luminescent light peaked, like fingers, parting the leaves as brilliant rays separated them, a wondrous golden light bathing the rivers and grass below, as a choir of cicadas sang their songs of summer in concert, with their hymn gently wafting against the soft and translucent green hands of the forest.
It was an especially pronounced heat that day. As they ran, they could see in the distance both the trees and houses undulating in hypnotic dances, and the shimmering light which reflected off from the river, and as the pair raced ahead, they could feel salty droplets flow down from their forehead onto their face, dripping onto the ground below. Days like this made Kris steer clear of that heat, of going outside in general, as though it were some sort of plague, their fervent dislike of it came from the constant headaches and the exhaustion.
However, there was also a different kind of warmth that bloomed inside their chest.
As both of them ran along the beaten track, blanketed by shadow, Kris could feel their heart in their chest. It was as though a pair of soft and familiar hands gently wrapped themselves around it, squeezing those warm and pleasant feelings throughout their body. Just as that, Noelle’s hands locked with theirs in tandem, a jolt running through their arms as their fingers locked.
They ran and ran, and as Kris closed their eyes a blinding flash struck them, a brief moment in time, fresh and serene. They could feel their fingers glide across the piano, as though each annex of their hand had turned into a corps de ballet . Kris’s play was far from masterful as they rushed the melody, with awkward stumbles perforating the kitchen. Noelle paid it no mind; those little mistakes were what made Kris’ plays so endearing.
They were human; those mistakes made them who they are.
As their eyes opened, disorienting consciousness washed over them. Somehow, they had found themselves on a patch of fresh grass, sheltered by the shade of the forest.
“O-Okay… So, uh, Kris…” Noelle huffed between each word, “A-Are you gonna tell me why you brought me out here…?”
A nervous giggle escaped from Noelle’s lips, which Kris found pleasing to their ears. Their eyes turned to hers, Noelle’s blossoming pine green eyes contrasted against Kris’s swirling crimson, as they wordlessly shuffled through their pockets with their usual deadpan expression on their face. Their fingers searched through the balls of junk that had formed in them through years of aimless pocketing.
The moment they felt it, they grasped for it. As they did, they turned their whole body toward Noelle, inching closer towards her, legs crossed and giddy.
“Close your eyes.”
Noelle’s eyes squinted conspicuously, as her gaze turned away from Kris’s bright red orbs to the clenched hand in the pocket of their dirtied shorts, a scant worry ran across her face.
“Kris… you aren’t gonna just put another dead centipede in my hand, will you” her head turning to mumble “or a snake…”
Despite Kris’ natural habit for mischief, that’s not why they brought her out there today. The only one that might have been fooled or pranked would be their mom, and even then, it would end up back on the bedstand in her room, no harm no foul, is what Kris thought. Their hands reached for their shorts and emptied everything, save for that one thing that they had in their pockets, with stickers and candywraps unceremoniously falling out and littering the ground.
Noelle huffed, and looked out at Kris with a content smile, her resistance to Kris dissipated at the sight of their slight grin.
“A-Alrighty, Kris, but if this is a prank I’m not falling for it ever again!”
As Noelle’s eyes closed, Kris pulled something out of their pocket. They could see Noelle trying to take a peak through thinly squinted peeps towards their hand that disappeared each time Kris rose their head. At last they had it, and carefully placed it upon Noelle’s finger.
“Open your eyes.”
As she did, a long eeek! escaped her lips as she saw it. Kris’s hand was holding hers, but more importantly, and why Kris bothered with the secrecy in the first place, Toriel’s ring, a band of pure silver with a diamond mounted on it, hung loose around her finger.
Noelle launched into a flurry of illegible words and phrases, trying to piece something together to ask questions that Kris already knew the answers to. They just wanted to see how bright her cheeks would get, practically crimson at this point.
“W-Wh- How?! Where did you get this? Isn’t this your mom’s ring?”
“Oh, yeah. Took it from the bedstand while she was sleeping.”
“Kris Dreemurr!”
An already exacerbated Noelle looked down at it, struggling to hide her blush and smile that rose over her face the longer she kept looking at it, before she turned her eyes back towards Kris.
“I- Well, it’s great Kris,” her hand covered her cheek as she said that, “but it’s not mine! This is your moms! And besides, it's too big!”
“You’ll grow into it.”
The deer’s soft fur was blazing pink as Kris said that, with them moving closer towards her with little space separating them now. As the human inched closer towards her, her wide eyes seeing past their bangs and into their eyes, her nose flickered a bright red, prompting a short giggle from Kris.
“S-Sorry! S-Stupid nose!” Both her hands covered the blaring siren of affection on her face, taking a moment to compose herself “b-but I’m not sure I could keep it, it wouldn’t be right, fa-ha…”
Kris sat across from Noelle, their knees drawn to their chest with their arms, and they tilted their head curiously to get a better look at her, “Why not?”
“Because… Well…”
Clearly flustered, she looked down, stammering a variation of the words well, umm, and like, before her brain managed to gain back some power to stop it from short circuiting completely.
“It’s just… kinda weird, you know? With you, even when you’re quiet, I can tell what you’re doing or what you’re thinking, and even though you do all these pranks and when I’m scared, it still feels nice, because it’s from you! I just wish…”
Noelle paused for a moment, as though a lump was stuck in her throat, as she attempted to vocalize what she meant, but as she swallowed it, her sentiments became clear.
“I just wish I was cool like you, Kris, you know?”
For a moment, both of them sat in silence, and Kris could feel their heart toil hearing her say that. It was a strange feeling to have. Noelle was touted through Hometown for being a talented, smart, and copacetic young girl, but to Kris she was more. To them, she was a loyal friend, who understood them in ways so many others did not, and was always able to pick up on their subtleties that frustrated others.
What made her special wasn’t how smart she was or how well she could play Dragon Blazers or keep up with Kris’ antics. It was her empathy, and Kris valued that more than anything else, even if they felt like they didn’t deserve it.
In contrast, Kris was the weird kid across from her, with dark hair flowing down to their shoulders, who wore red devil horns because they weren’t a monster themselves, trying so hard to fit in. They were the kid next door, who constantly pulled pranks, who spoke with a mumbly voice that could barely be discerned, and acted weird around others; cool was not the word that they’d expect.
“You’re cool to me.”
Her gaze hurriedly met theirs. They weren’t the type to make long responses, or to really speak at length at all, but they wanted Noelle to feel that smidge of comfort that they brought her, that even against all else, she deserved to feel happy, and so parted their bangs to get a good look at her.
“You mean that?”
Kris leaned over to hold her hand with the ring still on it and pressed their forehead against hers. Both their cheeks grew hot, a flush running over them as Kris’ horns intertwined with Noelle’s antlers.
“I do.”
Noelle’s nose lit up like a Christmas tree. Embarrassed, she pulled away hurling repeated attempts to excuse herself towards Kris, apologies made up half of Noelle’s spoken words.
Despite that, they found it cute. They found her beautiful, how radiant her green eyes were under the sun, her short and curly blonde locks, and the pattern of white fur that dotted across her body and face, like freckles.
And even as the memory faded like a drop of water rippling against a lake, Kris remembered how long it has been since that moment. They held it close to them, never telling Noelle how much it meant to them, even as it was like they had long since parted, that they had become nothing more than neighbors, much less friends.
Kris remembered. They always remembered.
They stopped being kids when Dess disappeared. As Noelle fell into a depression, unsure why her mom was so withdrawn and unable to answer where she had gone, Kris simply became a recluse. Even if they wanted her to know, she couldn’t, things were too set in stone to change. They became a cage for something other than them, the warmth in their chest would no longer be felt and the beat of their heart was just an empty rhythm, one that wasn’t theirs.
Kris no longer felt like a person, but a hollow doll. They bade the commands of another. They would take the pain for others; they would rather it be them and shield Noelle from everything else. She deserved something they felt absent of, something that Kris had stopped thinking of for a long time.
A future.
And yet, even though so much had passed, and others were hurt, and the truth caused not just Kris, but Susie, Ralsei, and the others pain, they persisted. Whatever was meant to be, whatever future fulfilled by prophecy, simply became a mere suggestion, as they battled through the shelter.
Memories of the end of their journey, of their turbulent adolescence, and of warm childhood days spun within their mind, mixing together into a blurred white glow until suddenly-
Kris jolted as the bus hit a bump; their eyes opened up to a world whose colors were much duller than the one they were just witness to.
Near them was a window from which they could see a vast green forest near a particularly long road, a small number of cars driving by, and mountains far off in the distance. They were getting closer.
In their arms, they held a black backpack, which carried a couple of patches and pins, including a monster wearing a pink scarf and glasses, a pin of Hometown that Kris took with them when they left for university, and a heart with four differently colored stripes, and four roughly stitched on letters spelling out “They” with a red string, as well as a few music groups that they listened to.
Their eyes turned towards the sky, with particolored waves of red and pink, the clouds susserated through the air as warmth luminated towards their direction, tenuously lingering behind, feeling the last bit of heat of the evening sun upon their fingers whilst it was still there.
Nobody sat next to them, Kris made sure of that when purchasing the ticket, and chose the farthest and loneliest seat by the window, leaving almost the whole row in which they were situated nearly empty. They could see their faint reflection in the window, with their long hair flowing past their shoulders and their attire, a taupe colored coat covering a dark wool turtleneck sweater.
Though they were alone, a part of them wished that Noelle was there, that whatever dream they were just in didn’t have to end just yet, that they’d turn around and she would still be there, either still asleep or awake, and hold her hand until the setting sun. Their piercing, crimson gaze turned to look over to the seat next to them, with a few drowsy blinks to make sure they were properly awake.
Empty space, and with it came an exhausted sigh as they turned their head back towards the window, seeing the vastness of the forest as they drove by.
But despite the solitude and their cold, impassive exterior; they still felt it. The warmth still danced in their chest, the comfort of the dream still lingered, she was still in their heart, comforting Kris still when they were alone, their fingers in the embrace of Noelle’s hand, her voice gently whispering in their ear.
It’s gonna be okay.
That alone tempted them into slumber, just a few more hours of shut eye on the road back home. As they leaned against the window, broodily looking out from it with their hands resting on their knees, it felt increasingly more difficult to fall back asleep. It seemed as though everything made it uncomfortable to do so, from the suddenly uncomfy seat, to the bumpy road, and someone talking really loudly at the back, leaving them no other choice but to dig for their phone in the pocket of their coat.
With a swipe of Kris’s finger, their phone screen lit up and from it read the most summary of information. It was 5:17 in the evening, on a Friday, the battery held its charge despite the long road they’ve travelled now, almost three and a half hours on it, with another half hour left.
There were a couple stacked messages on their notification screen, but they decided to swipe them aside, so as to not get an obstructed view of their phone’s wallpaper. It was a picture that they took last year on New Year’s Eve, when both Kris and Noelle decided to meet up in The City for the celebrations where both of them would spend the entire day together, as a good way to cap off the year.
It would be easy to say that this was something they had planned for a while, but the truth is that wasn’t the case, it more or less happened by accident. Maybe a better way of putting it was that it wasn’t like the chances of them meeting again were that high, and that there was a reasonable way to make it happen. That year took a toll on the both of them and they should’ve just kept to themselves, hoping that it would pass and things would go back to normal.
Air exited out their lungs into a sigh, the tightness in their chest cramping at the thought of the year as they felt their fingers fidgeting, itching at the cuticles of their hand. The worst part about all that happened last year is that it did not end in a particularly messy way, far from it, it ended so cordially that it made them wonder what their conclusion should’ve been.
Both their best friends had been together for four years, Noelle was happy with Susie and they talked a lot about plans that they had after high school - a lot - and Kris was there to help them. Susie didn’t always know what kind of gifts Noelle would like, so Kris would tell her that there’s a new anime that she might want to own physically, or how when Noelle herself struggled with picking a complimentary gift for Susie, Kris told her that she would appreciate anything she gave her, because it would be from her.
“But a figure from the Invasion of Astro-Monster would always be nice,” they recalled telling Noelle with a devious smirk, which prompted her to lean forward into a tight hug, wincing when touching their left arm, causing her to then profusely apologize, then laugh together with them in almost the same breath.
Everyone was happy, and they were delighted for Noelle, seeing her smile and seeing her be comfortable and expressing herself, unburdened by feeling as though she had to be allowed to feel angry or feel sad, and Susie was much more secure than she was just a few years back, when all of them were just sixteen or seventeen.
And Kris, well, they didn’t dwell much on how they felt. When Noelle spoke about how she and Susie went camping out in the woods on the other side of the river and how fun it was, there was hardly an ache in their chest. She was happy, Susie was happy, and Kris could find a way to be happy too, even if they were convinced they would not love, or be loved by anyone else like her.
It didn’t really trouble them so much anymore, or they reasoned to themselves it didn’t because they accepted it. Seeing her smile and talk about her future was worth more than whatever slight discomfort there was in their chest, of the constant yearning, of the heavy realization that even though they loved her, she wouldn’t love them back, even after all that’s happened. Everyone had grown up, even if they got things back to how they were before, to being friends who see and talk to one another every day, she would still be happier with anyone else.
At least, that’s what they thought.
Both Kris and Noelle opted to go to university, the two of them applying for prestigious universities on the other side of the state, a fair distance away from Hometown. It was never in doubt for the teachers and parents that out of all the students in their school, Noelle and Kris would have an easy time enrolling with high marks, which of course they did - Kris would pursue a bachelor’s in musical arts, and Noelle sought a medical degree.
But Susie sought to stay behind, opting for a university much closer to Hometown. The idea of going to live so far away from home made her feel… Queasy, uncomfortable. The three of them talked about it a lot, and though they’d be far apart, living almost five hours away now, there would still be time and they’d have no reason to stop talking, with Noelle saying they could just use their group-chat to call or talk there whenever needed.
For a while it was all fine, or at least it seemed fine. Kris adjusted into their first year with relative ease, making one or two friends there, and Noelle was enthusiastic about it. She would excitedly talk to both them and Susie about the different modules they would be working on, or what medical practice and theory there would be. It was nice to see her be so excited.
And yet, things were a little off. Something wasn’t quite right. Even though Kris and Noelle lived in the same city because of their universities, they were quite far from each other and it was still a pain to meet up, so going out to see each other, to go out for walks, hang out, and occasionally going out for coffee, took effort - If anything, that separation, that distance, gave them more reason than any to see the other. It wasn’t like back home where they could crawl through her window like they did as a kid, or just come up and knock on the door and ask to come in. They had more distance to clear now, and each time they did, it made them more excited to see her.
It felt good, they were smiling, giggling, sometimes staying over at her place when they were too tired. It was an unusually good feeling which they couldn’t help but feel guilty for, especially when they realized something was off with Noelle.
It was about a year into their studies, Kris recalled one morning they messaged her whether or not they wanted to meet up, they had finished with their modules for the week and wanted a little R&R from the stress of schoolwork. This had become routine for both of them, but there was no response from her that day, which didn’t set off any alarms for Kris until about an hour later, they saw the read status next to it. Kris scrolled back to those messages to read them again.
kristheyfirst: hey, done with school work for the week, do you want to hang out? I heard there’s a really good sushi place that opened recently
Sent at (9:40) - Read at (10:12)
kristheyfirst: Elly?
Sent at (12:40) - Unread
It wasn’t like her to leave someone on read, Kris knew her more than others that she would respond almost immediately, whether it would be in the dead of night or early in the morning. It was just the kind of girl she was. They tried to find suitable ways to distract themselves, both mentally and physically.
Maybe she was just busy that morning, this semester got way busier for her, but that didn’t reassure them any, because they knew that wouldn’t deter her either.
kristheyfirst: Are you okay?
Sent at (14:01) - Unread
Three agonizing hours of pacing back and forth, drinking tea, rereading their modules, looking out the window, listening to music, none of it seemed to help. They were never this anxious with any other person, even if Susie didn’t respond straight away, Kris was aware she was probably just doing something on her own and needed space sometimes, and they respected it, but they couldn’t help but feel something sink in their stomach when her status was set to Messages Muted.
A massive wave of relief hit them as they saw a notification appear from the top of their phone screen, a message from Noelle.
holidaygirl1225: heyyyy Krismas! i'm so so so sorry for not respond to your messages
(｡╯︵╰｡) I had a really hectic morning today, but I’m okay! I promise... don't worry about me
(ノ= ⩊ = )ノ
Sent at (17:11)
On the one hand, they were glad to finally have heard from her, they felt as though their heart was ready to give out. On the other hand, they could tell Noelle was not a particularly good liar, in every interaction they could point to whatever was wrong with her, even if they didn't know the reason. Something was troubling her.
kristheyfirst: are you sure?
Sent at (17:12)
Those three lone words led to what felt like a wave of dots over their screen, the same three dots rising up, and then down, it made them wonder how many messages she had gone through and rewritten, what the contents of it were. Was she upset at them and wasn't willing to say it straight to their face? Did something happen? Was her dad okay, did-
Not a moment sooner did that particular locomotive in their mind break and go off track as they read Noelle's message, flooding their mind with new, stranger thoughts.
holidaygirl1225: well, actually.. would it be okay if I could stay over at your dorm? i don't want to trouble you if i am, but i'd like to be with you for today...
Sent at (17:17)
A simultaneous flashbang of emotions set off in their brain and chest, already inundated with thoughts of Noelle staying over, both flushed and confused about what to say or do, they had unknowingly fell into the same proverbial trap that Noelle did as they sent her that message. Their thumb must've hit the delete button at least a dozen times, writing and rewriting the same message to perfection, and that perfection coalesced in a single word.
kristheyfirst: yeah
Sent at (17:20)
The response was almost immediate.
holidaygirl1225: great!!! because i am uhh... actually already in the parking lot near your dorm (￣▽￣)
Sent at (17:20)
An audible “Huh?” escaped their lips, as they immediately turned towards the window overlooking the parking lot seeing that Noelle, indeed, sat comfortably inside her car waving over at Kris. It was an old wagon from 1998, Kris also knew that Carol only got it because she saw it in Christmas Vacation, and decided to keep it before giving it to her daughter.
It made sense that she kept it. It was the family car that Carol used, back before December disappeared. They had fond memories of riding in that car with Noelle during a particularly snowy day. The wind was chilling, and Kris could remember how their hands were shivering even as they sat inside the car, with Noelle offering her thick, wool mittens and bright red scarf to them; they still felt the burn on their cheeks as they turned into a soft crimson, muttering an indistinct thank you as they covered their face with the scarf.
So, when Carol gave the car to Noelle, on the basis that she had no use for it anymore, it’s no wonder she accepted it. To Kris, and to Noelle, the car was a reminder of winters before things changed. It was a memory of Dess when she was a normal, rebellious girl and an older sister, it was a distant souvenir of Asriel in their minds from when he was much more open and willing to talk about things.It was a memory of how things were when they were close. The thought she’d keep it after all these years was touching, and yet, despite that, all Kris could feel at that collection of incoherent, paradoxically warm memories, was… Bitterness, anguish.
They turned their head down to the phone to write that they would be waiting for them in the hall to lead her back to their dorm room.
This would be the first time Noelle’s ever been inside, having only ever dropped Kris off if they felt too overwhelmed for public transport, if they were unwell, or if it was too late.
Kris wasn’t dressed as particularly well as they usually were. They’ve expanded their wardrobe considerably in the last few years - preferring to don clothes with dark colors, such as turtlenecks, long coats, dress pants, and either with a pair of loafers or some type of sneakers, with as few accessories as possible. Their old sweater hung delicately on a coat-rack, smelling of detergent and apple-scented cleaning products, they made it a point to wash it actively.
Instead, today they wore a pair of dark grey sweatpants, and a black graphic shirt with a blue dog wearing a collar, stuck inside a doghouse made up of differently colored woodplanks, contrasting well against their olive skin and flowing dark hair.
Good enough, they thought.
Soon enough Noelle, dressed in black slacks and a cold-shoulder sweater, was in the lobby waiting and conversing with the concierge, an elderly monster who had worked here for nearly two decades; Kris explained to them that Noelle was a friend visiting. For a moment, Noelle looked completely doe-eyed, her eyes gently gliding back and forth as she seemed to observe Kris’s attire.
Is it the weird shirt that got her attention?
“K-Kris!!!”
With what seemed to be a kind of subdued joy at seeing them, Noelle moved towards them, almost leaning into the hug before pulling her arms away, with an awkward giggle to accompany. Noelle knew that Kris wasn’t particularly touchy, unless they wanted to be or had given express permission, but it felt like that too was changing.
Noelle rubbed her arms. “Well, fahaha… Sorry, Kris, I should’ve asked if y-” her apology was cut off by Kris pulling the tall doe into a tender embrace, their hands wrapped around her back for just a short moment, with a small squeal escaping Noelle’s lungs.
Despite the rainy weather outside, she was warm. Her hands were warm around theirs and her hair smelt of peppermint. Kris rested their head on her chest and felt her breathe, just for a moment in this lobby they ignored everyone else and centered their attention only on her. They felt needy, demanding.
Gone for barely half a day, and they missed her in a way they couldn’t as easily articulate in words as they could in action.
“K-Kris…”
As their gaze went to meet hers, they were met with a thin smile on Noelle’s face, and the corners of their mouth barely inched forward to give the facsimile of the smallest smile. They were glad she was here.
“M-Much as I’d love to stand around like this, do you think you could lead me back to your room?”
“Oh,” it is as though they had forgotten their purpose of being here when they said that, as their arms receded away and pointed up the stairs leading to their room, “yeah, this way.”
Noelle trailed closely behind Kris, observing them and the walls around her as if she were in a museum; it was relatively modern but the facade still had incorporated many of the old elements of the building from when it was built at least a century or so ago, contrasting with the new and much more modern designs.
Kris could feel her eyes fixed upon them as they drew closer towards their room.
“There a particular reason you keep staring at me from that angle?”
“Huh? O-Oh! N-No, fahaha… I-It’s just, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you dressed so casually before.”
A pleasant hum reverberated through them, as they looked back around at her, with a devious smirk.
“Sorry, don’t wear the same pair of clothing all year round.”
“Kris Dreemurr!” Her protestations could’ve filled the hall if she was louder, but instead she simply laughed at the remark, with Kris snickering as they finally got to opening the door with a card they had pocketed in their sweatpants. They held the door open for Noelle, and with a nod of her head she took a step inside with Kris following after.
The dorm they stayed in was fairly unremarkable, a small living area with a kitchen on the left side of the room, with a table close to the only interesting thing on this side of the room - windows that overlooked the parking lot and gave a scenic view to the student park off in the distance. A wide patch of trees covered the horizon in the distance, looking more like mounds of shadow as the sun sat off in the distance.
Unremarkable to all but Noelle, it seemed, as her eyes darted from place to place.
“Woah… This is way smaller than my place.”
“You think?”
That little comment caused her to cover her mouth with the tip of her pointer finger and her thumb as a little giggle fled from her. It somewhat boggled Kris to imagine how affluent the Holidays were, seeing as she was able to get her own apartment out in the City, though far from the Downtown area where all the nice skyscrapers and bright lights were. But it came with benefits, notably that whenever Kris had a situation they could always go back to her place and sleep on the couch instead.
“Are your roommates here?”
“No, they’re out to dinner, they invited me out earlier but I decided to stay.”
“Oh, right, I’m sorry for that still Kris, I--”
Kris raised their hand up and pointed with their thumb towards Noelle’s right, and nudged their head towards it with a slight shirking movement. Noelle’s head turned towards it, looking for a few seconds and once she understood what Kris meant, she immediately ran towards it, opening it without waiting for Kris, they naturally followed suit to see what the hell that was about.
As soon as they stepped in, they could see Noelle turn on the standing lamp and marvel at the small room that Kris called home, with only a few notable decorations in it; posters of a few films they had seen recently, like Tár , a few Dragon Blazers figurines dotting the table, and a pride flag overlooking their desk.
Kris saw Noelle mouth the words Oh my Gosh , a familiar phrase they’ve heard her say enough times to even know the way that her lips move as she says it, as though predicting what she was bound to say next.
Seeing her state of awe, they tugged her sleeve and prompted her to sit down on the bed next to them, to which she quickly obliged.
“Gosh-- Thanks for taking me in Kris, this is really quite something! I’ve seen you post photos of it but… being here, it feels much different, I mean it’s small, but it feels like you! You know?”
An involuntary smile rose over their face when she said that. Having their own room, their own privacy, felt a lot different than they expected it to, since it wasn’t a liberatory or a euphoric feeling that they felt in their chest once they had lied down in their bed for the first time, just simply content.
But Kris had a feeling Noelle wasn’t just here to compliment their room. She was off, her fingers were fidgeting, a little less emotive than usual, like she was putting it on, like they were seeing her as a teenage girl again who didn’t know how to talk about her problems and so instead bottled them up inside, they knew her far too well.
They inched slightly closer towards her, hugging their knees as they looked at her, she silently returned a gaze, with a slight smile on her face.
“What’s wrong, Elly?”
“Huh? It’s all okay, Kris, I told you, I--”
“You’re not okay. Can tell, you’re more quiet today, unlike of you not to respond when I sent you a message, made me worry, you’re also rambling on about things, ask to meet all of a sudden without a plan.”
For a moment silence fell over the girl, her smile dimmed as instead a doleful expression rested on her face. Kris knew she was finding the right words to speak, things that nobody would find her weird for. They too knew that this was something they could look past.
Noelle turned towards them with a placid smile, her hands emotive, trying to find ways to draw concern away from her.
“Okay, okay! You’re right, I am a little… Well, I'm not sad, but I just felt a little lonely and I wanted to just… talk with you!”
“Why? Couldn’t you talk with Susie?”
“Ah, yeah…”
The shift in her voice, the way she turned her eyes away, as though in shame. Something’s been off the whole day, this was it, they inched closer towards her, now their shoulders touching. Their eyes met again, and they could feel their ruby eyes burning into Noelle’s bright pine eyes, with a warm red hue washing over her cheeks.
“Is everything well?”
“Y-Yeah! Everything is fine, just, you know.”
“Just fine?”
Her whole weight shifted away from Kris as she looked off in the corner of the room, at the edge of the bed. They didn’t try getting closer at the risk of Noelle being more uncomfortable. It was the last thing that they’d want to make her feel, but everything in her body language spoke that things were not simply fine - They could see how her lips curled, how her hand gripped at the hem of her sweater whilst the other was closer to her mouth, her pointer finger before her snout, as though she were preparing to bite down on it.
Thoughts ran through their head like a marathon, what would be the right thing to do for her? Just to say “I’m here for you”? She probably wouldn’t find that helpful, there were a lot of people there for her but hardly anyone wanted to ask what the problem was, they wanted to be with Noelle to let her know she’s doing a good job and she shouldn’t worry about that, and Kris wasn’t going to betray a part of themselves to give her another dull affirmation she didn’t need.
So, without thinking, their hand reached for the sleeve of her sweater, softly tugging it, which caused Noelle to turn towards Kris again, the woeful look on her face turned to one of uncertainty; might as well have been relief the way her eyes rested on them.
“Elly.”
That name, soft, elegant, once shameful to even think of in their head turned into a source of comfort. Ever since they reunited after the festival, it hasn’t been able to escape them.
Kris tried to shake it from their thoughts. They had to stop thinking of it like that, Noelle and them weren’t like that, and would never be. She was just a friend, and so were they.
“Kris?”
And their name, seemingly mundane, uninteresting, felt as though it turned into an affirmation. It was an acknowledgement of them existing, that they were there for her, that Noelle could feel their hand in hers, and that even if they didn’t look like it, they would always try and help.
“I… am not sure, what to say, I’m sorry--”
“Oh, Kris, it’s okay! You don’t hav--”
“Let me finish, please,” Noelle’ verdant jewels lit up as they met with Kris’ pools of vermillion, visible through the parting of the curtains that were their bangs, and her shoulders shot up as they got on their knees and drew closer to her.
“Can I hold you instead?”
Noelle sat there for a moment, looking almost clueless, with no words exiting out of her mouth for a second as she just simply looked up, and down, her hand still gripped to the sweater. Was she nervous? Did they make things awkward again for her? They should’ve figured this would happen, it was a simple yes or no question, but whatever it was that Kris felt complicated those boundaries beyond all belief, they should have just stuck to comforting her with words.
“I, uh… I, well…”
Kris stood up from their bed, filling the room with odd silence as they stood in front of Noelle, their eyes turned towards the door. They thought maybe they should give her something warm to drink, it was cold outside, maybe they should have bothered to ask whether she had eaten anything today. Guess they can worry about that whilst they’re there.
“Sorry, should’ve known it was weird, you can forget I said that, I’ll go ma--”
And then, a pull. Kris felt a tight grip on their arm that sent them flopping down on their bed, their leg getting caught on the standing lamp’s plug and shutting it off, filling the room with darkness. There was a sudden weight atop their chest. A warmth, a breathing against their neck and hands upon their back. They felt blood rush to their hands, a dancing hot sensation in their chest, and their cheeks burning up.
“Silly, I’m not letting you go.”
Her voice was soft, quiet, a faint whisper entering into their eardrum like a pleasant melody. They could see how their hands were still hanging in the air, unsure what to do, and so slowly set them down on her back as well, they were as one now.
“We don’t have to say anything.”
“No, but I want to.”
“I know, but not right now, we can do it when you want to.”
A brief moment of silence fell, with Noelle trying to find the right words, settling only on one.
“Okay.”
There was a stillness, an ugly quiet waiting to be broken. Yet in spite of that, they felt comfortable; they hoped she felt comfortable as well. The lump in her throat cleared with each breath that she took as Kris drew circles on her back, trying to comfort her as best they could, causing a few pleasant hums to come from her. They stayed like that for a moment, it has been so long that they could just stay like that, to not say anything, to not need to break the silence to keep something going.
It was just them, and that was enough.
After five minutes of holding each other in their arms, Noelle shifted back and looked into Kris’s eyes - They were watery, and this time her lips weren’t trembling, nor were her hands shaking, and Kris could see how dolorous she looked. It was when her mouth opened that things had changed between them.
“I don’t think things are working out between me and her, Kris.”
There should have been tears, a flood breaking through and her grasping for Kris’ collar and letting it roll down across their shirt. Instead, there was just the silence, with tears glimmering in her eyes as Kris looked simply befuddled and unsure. For a while, both Noelle and Kris simply lay there, unaware of what to say, or how to continue, how would you?
It was Noelle’s words that broke through it, her voice shaky, her mouth open and begging for words to come out, with a long forced swallow and a breath after it, she finally spoke.
“Is… Is it okay if I hold you?”
Kris nodded wordlessly, and shifted closer towards her to let her wrap her arms around them, with Noelle’s head resting on the crook of their neck. She sobbed silently, grasping for their shirt and crying as they just held her, lacking the certainty for words that she’d need, or maybe she didn’t need them, and Kris just wanted to find a way to be useful. It was when Noelle told them to stay with her - to not let go of her - that an insidious supposition took hold of them.
Was this their fault? It had to have been, it wasn’t that long ago that they saw Noelle overlooking the pier near The City talking about her plans to have Susie move in with her, so they could work together and not worry about the distance. Or how Susie texted them about the next film that they wanted to see with Noelle and go to the theater with her. What did they miss? Were they just inattentive? Did they spend so much time with Noelle that they didn’t make enough room for Susie in their day?
There had to have been some obvious clue that they missed, something that showed that things had been going wrong and that they could step in and try and fix it - It just didn’t make sense for it to happen, Kris told her about how people don’t just drift apart, they were certain of it. They saw how badly their parents divorce went, how it still lingered over them to this day, and they didn’t want the same for Noelle.
The three of them would end up talking with each other, more actively than they had at any previous point in the last few years. Despite everything, even though Kris gave all the advice that they could, asked whether they had done anything wrong, they kept that feeling of guilt away behind a lock and key but still intimately revisiting it, it was only Susie’s words that sobered them up to the situation.
“No, dumbass. People do just drift apart.”
Noelle and Susie stopped dating right around the end of the summer semester, and with it came no melodramatic fanfare, no hateful words thrown at one another, and not a single accusation hurled towards the other. Susie was right, they had just drifted apart. The distance proved to be untenable, Noelle was too busy, and even though they liked each other and had elaborate, planned out fantasies in both the privacy of their heads and in conversations shared between each other and with Kris, it didn’t seem to matter.
They had grown out of love, and what else could Kris feel but deep anguish for another couple that they couldn’t help? Susie would tell them that they were eating themselves down to the core over nothing, but those thoughts reached Kris more often after those bitter days in June.
Noelle didn’t come home that year, and the gap between days when they last spoke only grew larger and more distant, and neither of them would remember how much they cried over it. As months went by, Kris tried to fill the empty space between conversations, asking questions even when they knew the answers. No amount of asking about how they felt each day would make the ache go away any faster.
September went by. Their roommates kept inviting them out to eat or go somewhere, but Kris just passed each opportunity by with their usual, unbroken manner of reticence. Walks became much more common during autumn.
October came, and then November. Exam season proved to be difficult, but not anything that Kris couldn’t manage. They still topped their classes even when their performance diminished & they assured their professors it was nothing to worry about. The last thing they wanted to have on their plate was having their personal life intrude upon their academic one, and so they just kept it in their chest, content to let it linger, unsure what to do.
Then, things changed again.
It was another late evening, December came by without much trouble at all. Outside Kris’s window, they could see the faint cover of snow over the trees and roads. It didn’t snow as heavily out in The City as back home, but it added some life to the dead trees, bespeckled by the snow.
Their eyes turned towards the clock, 1:23AM. They had no reason to stay up this late, maybe it just felt like they should. Not much was going on with their day to day life as of late, except by notably trying to visit some events at their university or socialize from time to time, going out to cafes and exercising their hand like the doctors told them to.
Instead, they were in their dorm room, staying up past midnight and looking at nowhere and nothing in particular, from out the window and at things on their table to what was on their laptop, to the faint scar on their left hand. Maybe that was their call to sleep.
And as they got ready to put the lid of their laptop down, get up, and plop down under the bed under some warm covers, they heard a notification: a message from Noelle at the bottom right corner. They clicked it immediately.
holidaygirl1225: heyyyy, still up?
kristheyfirst: yeah
holidaygirl1225: can’t sleep? me neither…
kristheyfirst: I can see that
holidaygirl1225: do you have to be so snarky each time… (¯▿¯)
kristheyfirst: my apolocheese, as you would say
holidaygirl1225: RUDE
A short, admittedly pleasant conversation followed. It was the first time Kris and Noelle really got to talk with one another in the last few months. They spoke about their academic success, asked her what’s going on in her personal life - which wasn’t much - and plans for the end of the year.
The last one was interesting, since neither of them really had plans. During last year’s celebrations, both of them got to go home and celebrate the coming of the New Year back at her house with their parents, Asriel, and notably Dess. It was almost like they were nine again. The energy was there and new souls added themselves to the party. The sparkling taste of champagne and the loud crackle of fireworks, with both Rudy and Asgore making hearty jokes added some new found warmth to the Holiday household. It was a good end to the year.
Now, here they were. Both of them thought about going home again, Noelle seemed particularly homesick, and while she had the time for their shared winter vacation, just to relax and hang out with her folks again. Kris, on the other hand, had something else in mind.
They had encountered an article about how this year’s fireworks were going to be some kind of special celebration, attached to a very elaborate list of things to do whilst one was out in The City. It was clearly aimed at tourists, but they still read it. With that in mind, they wrote to Noelle, asking if she would like to go with them for the celebrations there. The response was, well, expectedly enthusiastic.
holidaygirl1225: yes omgomgomgomgomgomg i would love to!!! we could get a hotel too to like stay over a couple days!!!!!!!!!!!!! (((✝(*°▽°*)✝)))
And so it was agreed. With just a week to go they planned everything out as much as they could, deciding on where they would go, what they would do, how they would manage their finances, and so on. For the hotel, Kris had wanted to find a reasonably priced place. They encountered one they could stay at and went through the room options. One room ranged $400 a night, with twin beds and good accommodation. While the other was practically the same but $50 cheaper and with one king bed.
Noelle very fervently argued for the cheaper room, saying she didn't have that much money and it made more economic sense for them to stay there, which made Kris guffaw seeing as her parents gave her a hefty allowance each month, and she tried to claim she’d ‘spent it all’ without specifying on what. She managed to get her way by prepaying for it, leaving Kris no choice but to agree.
December 30th came. They found each other at the center of the city, their luggage in their hands, standing in front of the hotel. It was their first time seeing each other again since the summer. Kris smiled seeing her again, remarking in their own head how beautiful she looked; dressed in a coat not too dissimilar to their own with mittens on her hands, and how her hair had grown longer, with her curls now reaching her back. Kris was dressed in a plain black shirt, with their warm old sweater covering it.
Kris’ face flushed remembering how warm it felt when she hugged them on those steps.
It was a hectic few days - Iceskating, shopping, going to a few different squares and parks to pass the time, posting about their adventures on Napstabook, sharing it with their parents and friends. Kris made sure to keep in touch with Susie about the trip as well, she was their best friend and she made it clear that she didn’t wanna be left out because of some bummer breakup.
New Year’s Eve came. They remembered how cold it felt, leaning against the railing waiting for the fireworks to appear. Noelle stood huddled next to them to keep from freezing, her head resting on their shoulder, overlooking the bright lights ahead of them. Every minute that passed got them closer to the new year, and both of them talked with each other about minor, relatively inconsequential things, but ones that they felt free to discuss.
All was cold around them, and here they found warmth, just for this moment.
Noelle turned towards Kris, their faces matching each other’s direction, her gaze lingered on them for a while, as did theirs. Her warm mittens were placed upon Kris’s hand, and she looked at them with a thoughtful expression.
“Kris, what are your wishes for next year?”
Funnily enough, this is a question that Kris had given more thought to as the years went by. Usually, it was for something that they wanted to do during the year; to maybe go to the mountains, to learn a new song, maybe even write on themselves, dedicated to someone. But this year there was something more… personal, in a way others weren’t. Their cheeks flushed red, and her gaze rested softly upon her.
“You want me to tell you?”
“Well, yeah! You know I ask you this every year!”
“Well, what if I don’t want to tell you this time?”
Noelle’s eyes widened a little, unsure if she processed that correctly. From her came a stifled little laugh.
“Why?”
“Because this one is special,” Kris said with a playful smile. “And if you tell your wish, it won’t come true.”
Noelle pouted slightly. “Well, if it works like that, then mine is a secret too.”
“Be sure to think about the wish.”
With their secrets intact, they looked over across the railing, waiting for the countdown to hit midnight. Kris felt something in their right hand, and looked below to see that Noelle had put their hand in her mittens, as though stuffing it there, and holding it.
As the countdown got nearer and nearer, they spoke their wish in their mind, thinking hard about it. There was warmth again. They imagined Noelle holding both their hands and dancing, going home and running through the forest and feeling the sun shine down on them again, to invite her home again and let her stay over.
But more than anything, the part they wished for the most, was to feel her candy cane flavored lips against their own.
Somehow, the fantasy didn’t feel sordid, nor impure. As they looked at Noelle there was no regret, or guilt, just a moment of tranquility in a very troubled year, and as the fireworks went off in the distance, bringing a close to the year and beckoning a new one in with a sea of bright lights covering an entire city. An effervescent color that brought the city’s landscape a whole new meaning, as though a sea had washed over it and only left messy color splotches over the shining skyscrapers.
Noelle pulled by the arm and very hastily took a selfie with her and Kris, illuminated by the fireworks behind them, and as they laughed and pushed each other around, a new feeling entered their chest.
There was hope.
Suddenly, everything came to a halt, as the screech of tires brought Kris out of their trance. The driver spoke over the speaker, announcing the destination for the passengers - Hometown.
With energy suddenly bursting through them, Kris got up with all their things in hand, picking up a large luggage from the bus the moment they stepped outside. Confident they hadn’t left anything behind, they started running. They entered the terminal, and almost immediately were greeted by a crowd of people that was already waiting for them.
As soon as they had noticed, most of them already made their way over towards Kris’s, but most notably-
“Think fast, dipshit!”
With little room left to prepare, they soon found themselves enveloped in a large, tight grip from Susie as she lifted them up in the air. The signature painful hugs that Susie practiced on Kris was something that, even though they didn’t show it, they always missed, and they felt themselves laugh as she put them down.
Soon, a little group formed, with Toriel coming over and giving Kris a much more tender embrace than Susie, alongside Asgore who leaned in for a group hug with Toriel, as well as Asriel, asking how the road was and how Kris was feeling.
“Fine, fine, thank you.”
And, finally, their gaze turned towards the timid doe standing next to them, a huge dumb smile on her face and her hands opened towards them, already in the midst of saying something.
“Wel-”
Kris pulled her in for a hug as well, and as her arms went limp, and a small squeal came from her as they did so, eventually resting upon their back, gently pulling back a little and telling them, “Welcome home, Kris.”
As they looked upon Noelle, wearing only a light sweater and slacks, holding their hands with a smile, a pleasant thought entered their mind.
They hoped this would be another summer to remember.