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It was pure and simple: Charlene had been alive too long.
She had been there the moment a scrawny, blue-eyed Hebrew boy had been divinely inspired to build an institution. One that would bring some Order into a Chaotic word and, ultimately, find that delicate balance that the world thrived in. She'd been present when that boy had petitioned the pharaoh to build a great library in Alexandria with a charming smile and words of honey and silk. She'd been there when the final brick had been laid, their first acquisition had been made and their first diplomatic mission carried out. All of which occurred over two thousand years ago.
In all of that time there had been three constants in her life: Judson, the Library and change. Judson's stalwart companionship had kept her sane, the Library had given her refuge and the mere promise of positive change gave her the strength to keep fighting the good fight.
Until Judson had died and moved on.
She didn't know what it said about her that no matter how much she cared for Flynn and for Jenkins that they weren't enough to make her want to stay. It was only out of a sense of duty that she had stayed when she returned from the void the Library had briefly resided. She couldn't relinquish her duties just because she was tired of being alive, it was unfair. She hadn't fought for two thousand years to give up like this.
She'd prepared herself for months for the atrocities four Librarians could do to a budget, but when she returned to her desk to go through the books, everything was perfectly in order.
She caught sight of Jenkins walking by and called for him. "Jenkins! Jenkins! Come here."
He stepped back and leaned against the doorframe. "Yes?"
She lifted the accounting book. "Who did this?"
"Mr. Stone took over when he saw what Ms. Cillian was doing to it."
She glared at him. "You could've done this yourself. Didn't I teach you anything?"
"I could've done it if someone hadn't put a ward to keep me from touching them," he countered.
She scoffed with a smile. "As if you couldn't've dismantled it. You just wanted an excuse."
"'Thank you for your unwavering dedication to returning me from the void, Jenkins. I don't know how I'll ever repay you,'" he mockingly imitated her.
"Thank you for doing absolutely nothing to balance our books and risking two Librarians on my wards. I owe you a kick in the pants."
He rolled his eyes. "You'd never leave something that would harm our Librarians. You're too careful."
"It's only luck that the Library imbued them with magic that mine recognized that they were Librarians."
"No, you've just got a vendetta against me otherwise I would've been able to get them," he teased with a smile. He pushed himself upright and turned. "Good night."
"Good night."
She spent a great deal of time double-checking the books for mistakes regardless of the assurances the first few had given her, but she was unable to find anything out of place. She was as impressed as she was put out. She hadn't had an active part in the Library for centuries and accounting was the only thing that she could call her own. Now, it had been taken off of her scarcely filled plate.
She'd been alive too long far too long because she couldn't bring herself to feel more than a dampened sense of joy at Mr. Stone's proud smile when she had praised him for his work. Only fifty years ago she'd have felt as if the sun had come out when Guardian Sienna had received praise and smiled like that.
She was left adrift and wondering what to do with her rather abundant free time now that their budget was in order and being worked by one of their Librarians. She simply filled in when she could and it was in doing so that had led her to her first belly laugh since she had returned.
She had watched a certain redheaded Librarian blatantly flirt with a rather oblivious Jenkins at every turn and felt… not so much a spark as a sense of irony. If he had no interest, he would likely need to be gentle in his refusals in order to retain any sense of friendship between the two. After over a thousand years of pointing out interested parties, one would think he'd have learned to pick up on when someone was half in love with him, but no. Her dear friend was as dense as a brick wall.
Eve sat beside Charlene and jerked her chin towards the moon eyes Cassandra was sending to a rather preoccupied Jenkins. The two Guardians shared a smile.
"What's the story here?" Charlene finally asked, having put it off for days after initially noticing.
Eve leaned in and lowered her voice conspiratorally. "Cassandra's been fawning over him since basically the beginning. She likes to think she's slick when she's not. I had to talk Flynn out of giving a briefing on relationships in the workplace."
Charlene blinked and looked to the young Guardian with a pensive frown. "He doesn't approve?"
Her eyes rolled. "No, he's supportive. He just failed to remember that we're already setting an example."
She released a huff and smiled. "That sounds more like him." She watched as Jenkins flashed a smile and took an offered reference book. "What're your thoughts?"
Eve was quiet for a second before saying, "I think they're good for each other no matter what kind of relationship they have."
More scraped off of her plate.
She had sponsored Galahad when he first approached the Library seeking Sanctuary, seeking purpose. She'd taken on the role as a guide, an advisor, a mentor and even a friend throughout their entire acquaintanceship. Even when he'd become a full Curator in his own right, even after a thousand years she still felt a sense of responsibility when she looked at him. She knew that she was his anchor to humanity, but now he had several anchors. She saw it in the way not only he treated this team, but the way this team treated him. He had people he could rely on and she knew deep in her soul that Flynn and Eve would be the successors that she and Judson had been waiting for. They would become his anchors as he would become theirs.
She hadn't realized that she'd been waiting for them in particular and, in seeing them interact with Jenkins so naturally as she and Judson once had, it was more difficult to stay. She was not so selfish that she would rush the current Librarian and Guardian to Tether to the Library until the end of time (be it theirs or the world's). So, no matter how arduous it would be to keep going, she would . Yet she was so close to the end that she could taste it.
Charlene had been alive too alive too long to truly appreciate the boisterous conversation amongst the newly minted Librarians on the topic of their dream vacations. She'd done everything, been everywhere that they discussed. She'd climbed Mt. Everest and visited the sunken city of Atlantis and ate the local food in Brazil and so much more. There was nothing left for her to do in this world.
"Jones is a character," Flynn informed as he saddled next to her at the desk she was using rather than the one a mere six feet away. "I don't like him, but I can admit that I understand why the Library chose him."
Vaguely curious, she asked, "Why's that?"
"He likes a challenge. He's been bored because nothing's given him that in a long time until now. He's stolen from every notable museum and bank in the world, but when they install something new or he figures out he missed something, he'll go back in a heartbeat. The Library's the only thing really challenging him anymore, so he goes on every mission because it's something shiny… Kinda reminds me of me."
She laughed and patted his forearm. "Ah, you're too much alike to really like each other."
"Something about polarizing," he grumbled while waving her off. "Y'know… I think Jones has the right idea."
"What idea is that?"
"You should take a break. Get out of the Library and live a little. I mean… you were stuck in here for months."
She tapped her fingers against her chin and gave it some actual thought.
Perhaps she would be better off leaving this haunted house full of memories where she no longer served any real purpose. It would likely forestall her and give Flynn and Eve time to prepare for the inevitable. Disconnected as she felt from the world, she had no desire to hurt Flynn who was still recovering from losing Judson in spirit nor Jenkins who had relied on her for so long. When they were both ready, she would take steps to leave.
"I think I will."
Cwenhild had been alive too long.
She was desperate for anything that would make her feel alive again. Something that would just give her enough spark to make living more bearable. She tried her hand at gambling and found that she still had no love for it. She tried drinking at magical bars and was left feeling like she'd gotten slapped by a fully grown gargoyle when she woke the next day. She even tried drugs which had been a hefty distraction until one night she sat alone in her room facing the mirror.
She saw her reflection—a lonesome and sorrowful old woman—and thought she'd love for Judson to slip into the frame. She pressed her hand against her stomach and saw clearly his sky blue eyes sparkling with magic and mirth as she remembered in life. She remembered her time in the Library with the new team and felt that she had to share some of her thoughts with her best friend.
"You would've liked them had you stuck around, y'know?" She slumped at his expectant expression in her mind's eye. "I guess I understand why you left when you did. You'd've gotten attached and it would've been impossible to leave."
He said nothing and twitched his eyebrows up questioningly.
"Jacob's responsible, good with accounting and not bad on the eyes either. If you started talking about building the Library and how we expanded, he'd have listened for days.
"Cassandra would've given you a challenge in mathematical magics. Oh, and she would've made you laugh. She tries to be polite but her face says what we're all thinking… If Jenkins knows what's good for him, he'll teach her properly and let her down gently if he doesn't have any interest in marrying the girl." She scowled down at the ground and kicked out a foot. "Oh, I should've stabbed the levereter when I had the chance! Damned Oath blinds him."
Her mind steered gently back to what she'd been saying and she lightly kicked her heel against the bed frame. "Ezekiel reminds me the most of you when you were young. Nearly no impulse control and an ego the size of the sea. He could talk you into anything if you weren't familiar with him. You'd have adored that boy. He says what's on his mind no matter what."
She looked up at the empty mirror and felt her chest constrict. She willed for Judson to reveal himself and talk to her. He would tell her that she had to stay a little longer or to find a new anchor and continue on, forever without him.
But the mirror remained a sad reflection of herself.
He'd moved on and left her behind.
And by the magic that ran through her veins, it hurt . It cut deep as a knife and sharp as an axe to know that not only had he left her behind, but he had not had the consideration to tell her that he was tired.
"I was there for everything. I was there with you when you petitioned to build the Library and when we finally annexed ourselves from any country. I was by your side when you lost your sister and I didn't leave even when you had lost your way. I was beside you for two thousand years and would've stayed for two thousand more if you'd just… stayed …
"And you told Flynn before you told me. You made up your mind to move on and you didn't even give me the chance to lay the foundations so that I could come with you. How could you do that to me?! It was bad enough being forced to live without being able to hit you upside the head when you're being an idiot, but you forced me to live without your spirit as well? You were my anchor and… and I—I thought that I was yours."
She had loved him enough to throw in her lot with him when he came to her with an insane idea and never wavered. He'd asked for eternity and she'd said yes. Now, he was beyond her reach and she was left to walk the world alone.
Charlene swore off of drugs for the rest of her unnaturally long life when the ayahuasca finally wore off because she had become too depressed. The timing of this sobriety was immaculate because she saw the signs that Apep had returned and knew that it was best to hide. From then, she chose to find solace in losing herself in sexual deviancy as it'd been over a decade since she'd been properly plowed.
Cwenhild was ready to die when she returned to the Library. She had lived for far too long and she was ready.
But she would not be leaving because she had become weak or desperate, but because it was her duty. She was going out fighting on her own terms, fighting the good fight .
She had said goodbye thousands, millions of times over the years with the knowledge that she would outlive the majority of the lives that had touched hers. All of that practice had made it easy to say it now. To Flynn whom she adored, to Jenkins whom she loved, to Eve to whom she was proud to pass on her legacy, to Jacob and Cassandra and Ezekiel who she was certain that she would have adored had she the will to live any longer.
She was an expert at saying goodbye.
It felt as if she were truly waking up when she was free from her immortal coil. There was such an immense love and peace in this new world that she simply kept her eyes closed and basked in it.
"Shalom. Harbe zman o hitraenu, Cwenhild," a familiar voice greeted.
She opened her eyes and saw Yehuda smiling at her with warm sky blue eyes. All of the resentment that had been in her heart before was a mere memory. She understood why he had left her behind the second the question popped into her mind.
"Ahlan, Yehuda," she greeted with a grin.
He held out his hand. "Will you stay by my side for eternity?"
She took his hand which had always and would always fit perfectly into her own and said, "Yes."