Chapter Text
‘One last time,’ thought Yoojin. ‘Just one last time.’
Finally, after years of being a stain on his brother’s legacy, Han Yoojin was leaving. It had been selfish of him, he knew, to keep trying to rekindle something that Yoohyun clearly wanted to leave behind.
I love you.
Even though it ached in his chest and his arms and his legs and his head and his very soul, it was time to let go. His dear dongsaeng had always been meant to touch the stars, maybe to even become one of them. He had always been meant to reach greater heights than Yoojin could ever imagine, and maybe he’d be able to reach even higher without his useless F-rank hyung holding him back.
Han Yoojin had long since accepted that no matter how hard he wished and begged and pleaded, he was little more than a sharp pebble stuck in Yoohyun’s shoe.
I love you.
For years, he had hoped and hoped uselessly, clinging to the thought of what once was, to what he thought could have been.
Yes, selfish was the perfect way to describe Han Yoojin. That was okay, though. Finally, finally, he was going to make things right.
Han Yoojin was leaving.
It didn’t matter, not really. Someone as important as his dongsaeng rarely had the time to see him anyways, so it’s not like his presence would be greatly missed. He didn’t hold any resentment towards Yoohyun, of course. How could he? He was the one who had kissed Yoohyun’s bloody knees, who had ruffled his hair after a long day of school, who had tried to be there again and again.
No, Han Yoojin could never hate Yoohyun.
I love you.
The distant wail of a police siren brought his attention back to the present, which was when he noticed that he had finally made it to the Hayeon guild entrance.
The smell of smoke filled his lungs as he looked up at the imposing height of the building. It screamed luxury, with its large height and windows that caught the sun too sharply, glare biting into his eyes like needles. It shimmered gold like Yoohyun had shimmered— bright, untouchable, too much to look at for too long.
‘Focus,’ thought Yoojin, shaking his head to dispel those useless thoughts . ‘I’ve got to focus.’
He had come here for just one thing, and that was to finally say goodbye.
Selfishness was nothing new for Han Yoojin, and surely he was allowed this last little selfish act before he left.
I love you.
He pushed the doors open.
Cold air hit him sharp as glass.
He barely felt it.
Only one thought.
Only one name.
Yoohyun.
Stepping up to the receptionist with a polite smile, Han Yoojin ignores her nose wrinkling faintly, as if she had caught the scent of something rotting. She was surely taking into account his clothes which were a little worse for wear. He’s sure he doesn’t look like much with his messy short hair, shirt clinging to his ribs like second skin, frayed seams splitting open at the shoulders; his pants sagged heavy with the weight of old dirt and older days.
“Can I talk to the guildmaster? I’m his brother," he asked, seemingly perfectly serene. On the inside, though, it was a completely different tale.
His limbs felt heavy like lead, shackles that had chained him down down down ever since the early age of 14.
His mind was foggy, and the mere thought of trying to tie down a single thought seemed near impossible.
His chest felt hollow and aching, the sharp sting of loneliness worn down by the years of solitude.
It would all be okay though, this feeling of wrongness wouldn’t last much longer. After he finally said goodbye, after he let go, after he cut the rope chaining his shining star to the Earth.
Yes, the rope of his selfishness would finally be cut, and his star, his sun, his moon, his everything, would finally be free.
His Yoohyun-ie would be free.
I love you.
She looked at him with pinched lips and a furrowed brow, but eventually reached over and picked up what seemed to be a receiver of sorts. Holding the mic to her ear while the wire coiled like a snake, she spoke into the phone.
“Someone’s here to see the guildmaster. Says he’s his brother,” she said, glaring down at him all the while.
Yoojin had neither the time nor the energy to worry about her. His mind was a never ending loop of ‘ Yoohyun Yoohyun Yoohyun Yoohyun Yoohyun’.
While waiting for her to finish, his eyes drifted to the window. It seemed the sunny heat of earlier had dissipated to match the somber mood of the moment, with the sky now painted with streaks of gray and rain tapping the windows like fingers on a coffin lid.
“My apologies sir, but it would seem the Guildmaster hasn’t the time to meet with you today,” she said while not looking the least bit apologetic.
“That’s okay. I’ll wait until he has the time,” he said with a smile, though the words barely made it through the haze of his mind.
Time was also something that Yoojin was short of, but he’d make do for Yoohyun. Always for Yoohyun, everything, no matter what.
I love you.
Everything felt like too much, and yet so distant. He could feel his vision blurring at the edges, the tightness of his skin, the rough scrape of his worn-out shirt against his arms, his elbows, his knees, his stomach, and the world tilting slightly to the left every time he blinked for too long.
The utter frustration leaking out of the receptionist brought him back to the present, in which he saw her speaking to the mic again.
“He… he says he’ll wait,” she spoke with barely concealed anger. After a moment of listening intently to what the speaker on the other side was saying, she turned back to him.
“It seems his schedule has been pushed aside a little. You can head on up,” she told him.
With the kindest smile he could muster, Han Yoojin found his way to the golden elevator, and slowly began his descent up. He could have sworn that the very air itself was heavy, as if waiting for the inevitable confrontation that was soon to happen.
With a bright ding! that felt way too light for the situation, the doors slid open smoothly to present the office that Yoojin had spent the better part of eight years trying to get into.
Yoohyun’s office.
Finally.
No matter what happened after, Yoojin was just grateful that despite everything, he would get to see his brother one last time.
I love you.
Stepping out of the elevator on shaky legs, he glanced down at himself one last time. Perfect, everything had to be perfect for Yoohyun, he could only be given the best of what Yoojin had to offer, and nothing less. Granted, he certainly wasn’t very perfect right now—or ever, really—but this was the best he could do at the moment.
Steeling himself both mentally and physically for what was to come (both were required, he knew, from multiple occasions.
Memories filled his mind of shouting and rough hands on his arms and his legs and his everywhere and his dear brother Yoohyun reminding him of what a worthless, useless brother he was, nothing but a leech, selfish and annoying and always in the way, but it was okay, he deserved that at the very least—)
Shaking his head lightly to rid himself of those useless thoughts, he continued down the hallway into the office. There was no need to think of such things, not now, not when he was about to fix everything. After this, Yoohyun wouldn’t have to think about him anymore, let alone waste his energy shouting.
At least back then, he was talking to Yoojin, even if it was in anger. At least then, he could still hear his Yoohyun-ie’s voice.
The hallway was sparse yet lavish, as was the rest of the office. You could tell it wasn’t anything cheap, just by looking at the sturdy-looking mahogany desk placed in the middle of the room, the fine leather chair behind it, and the windows that reached from the ceiling to the floor of the room.
Comfortably, Yoohyun was living comfortably, and for that Yoojin was glad. It was certainly better than what he could have offered, and Yoohyun deserved the very best, that he was sure of.
I love you.
The thing that drew his attention the most, however, was the figure sat in the leather chair, fingers crossed underneath his chin, elbows resting on the desk.
Yoohyun .
He was dressed in a black suit, with a black tie, black dress pants. and loafers to match. His undershirt was white, and everything seemed to be of good quality and expensive. Another sign that Yoohyun was doing well, and Yoojin was glad to see it. His face was stony and cold, a stark comparison to the toothy grins Yoojin used to receive from him what seemed to only be yesterday, though in reality it had been a whole eight years.
He didn’t look too happy to see Yoojin, which was fair. He wouldn’t have been too happy to see someone like himself either.
The ache started up again, though it was possible it hadn’t left in the first place. It never seemed to leave, not really, always waiting in the dark for the slightest bit of weakness to pry on, of which Yoojin had no short supply. He knew a ‘broken heart’ couldn’t really kill you, but some nights, when the cold crept in and the fact that he was alone all alone by himself really set in, he could’ve sworn he was dying dying dying just like Yoohyun had been dying bleeding everywhere on everything all for his useless hyung why why why why WHY???
Being so close to Yoohyun, the source of all of his sleepless nights, his dreams and his nightmares, his hopes and his fears, the ache seemed to sharpen and multiply and intensify, until all he could sense was what felt like millions of pins and needles and daggers pricking and poking and stabbing into his throat, his eyes, his lungs, his heart. None of that mattered though, and maybe it never had, because he was finally here .
It was then that Han Yoojin finally looked Han Yoohyun in the eye, determined to finish what he had set out to do. Complete his last selfish wish; say goodbye, then leave.
And never come back.