Chapter Text
I dropped my textbooks on my desk, and one of the pictures on the corkboard above my desk fluttered to the floor. It landed face down.
“Dammit.” I reached for it, smiling when I turned it over. It was one of my favorites of me with my boyfriend, Tom Cates. It was from over the summer, during the trip we’d taken up to Shadow Lake after graduation. We were perched on a stone wall, and he had leaned back against me with a foot up on the wall while I had one arm around him. We were both laughing at whatever Byron had said while he took the photo.
You could practically feel the joy radiating from the photo. Tom’s typically pretty guarded, not showing a whole lot of emotion, but that week, he’d opened up more than I had ever seen before. His smile in the photo was wide and infectious. When we started dating, I made it my mission to get that smile out of him at least once a day, and I usually succeeded.
I pinned the photo back into place and gazed around my dorm room. Was there anything else I needed? I didn’t think so. Besides, I had clothes at home, and there were extra toiletries if I forgot anything.
I glanced at the clock. My brothers, Byron and Jordan, had volunteered to come pick me up, since they’d both managed to get home Monday night instead of today, Tuesday. They were due any minute.
I spotted my cell phone on my desk. My parents had gotten Mallory, my older sister, an emergency phone when she left for college last year. They did the same thing when Byron, Jordan, and I started school back in August. We had the most basic plans available, with very few minutes or texts per month. I hardly ever used mine. I had a dorm extension, so if I wanted to talk to anybody (usually Tom), I just used that. Most of the time, my cell phone sat in my desk drawer.
I do like to have it when I travel, though, just in case, so I picked it up. Just as I was about to slip it into my pocket, it vibrated with a text. I flipped it open. I had one new text from Byron.
| we’re here
| be right down
I picked up my bag and headed out the door and down the stairs, excitement building in my chest. I hadn’t seen Byron and Jordan since we went our separate ways for school back in August. We talked on IM plenty, but it was never the same.
I pushed through the double doors, glancing around for Mom’s SUV. Instead, my eyes landed on a very familiar vehicle, and my heart skipped a beat.
Tom’s yellow Jeep was parked by the curb. He was leaning against the hood, hands in his pockets. When he saw me, he beamed, his smile taking up his whole face.
At that moment, I didn’t care that we were in public. I barely even thought about it. Everything else fell away the moment we locked eyes. I dropped my bag and sprinted toward him. I practically tackled him, avoiding falling only because of the Jeep behind him. When we regained our balance, I kissed him deeply. He wrapped his arms around my waist, and for the first time in months, I felt whole.
“What a welcome,” he said when I pulled away. His face was slightly flushed. I don’t think he had expected me to react quite the way I did, which was honestly ignorant on his part. Go big or go home, I like to say, and he knows it.
“What are you doing here?” I asked. I could feel people watching us, but I paid them no mind. I took his hand and squeezed it.
“I told Byron and Jordan I’d come pick you up so they could have some extra time to relax before the holiday.”
“That was nice of you.”
“I had an ulterior motive. And Byron was happy to play the charade for me.” He grinned again. Then he gestured behind me. “Are you just gonna leave that there?”
Right. My bag was still lying where I’d abandoned it on the sidewalk. I went and grabbed it, then threw it in the backseat. “Should we get going?” he asked.
“We could. Or…”
“Or?”
I ran my thumb over his hand, trying to sound casual. “My roommate left already.”
The corner of his mouth turned up in that oh-so-familiar way. “I’m kind of in the way here.”
“So just go park in that lot over there.” I waved to the lot next to my dorm.
He hmm’ed, looking at me regretfully. “But I don’t have a parking pass.”
I rolled my eyes, knowing he was teasing me. “If you get a ticket, it’s only a five-dollar fine for visitors, and I’ll pay it.”
“I guess I can’t argue with that, can I?”
While I waited for him, I glanced around. I saw two girls standing on the sidewalk, not far from me, whispering to each other and giving me dirty looks. I just smiled and waved at them. Not even blatant homophobia could knock me off the cloud nine I was floating on.
Minutes later, I was unlocking my door. I hadn’t anticipated being back in here until Sunday evening, but I wasn’t about to complain, even though it wasn’t as clean as it could’ve been. I told him so as we stepped inside.
He snorted. “You should see my room.” The door closed and he was kissing me, but not frantically or urgently like I’d expected. It was softer, like he wanted to take his time.
“I missed you,” he said quietly in between kisses.
“I missed you.” I pushed him back onto my bed and kissed him again, gently. It had been awhile, and it almost felt like we were exploring each other for the first time again. I tossed his button-up shirt to the floor and ran my hands over his arms, under the sleeves of his Alice in Chains shirt. “Have you been working out?”
He chuckled. “No, actually. But I’m flattered you think that.”
I paused and studied him. “Your hair is longer.” The last time I had seen him, three months ago, his hair had fallen just above his collar, the way I was used to. Now it dusted his shoulders.
He pushed it back self-consciously. “Yeah, that tends to happen when I don’t take the time to go get it cut. Should I?”
I ignored his sarcasm and ran my hand through it. “No, I like it.”
“Oh, good. It’s grown on me. I saw Caryn this morning, though, and she hates it.”
“She can get over it.”
I didn’t give him a chance to agree before we were making out again, pulling off articles of clothing one by one. He made to take off his glasses, but I stopped him.
“Leave them on.” I looked at his eyes a little more closely. “Are you wearing eyeliner?”
He laughed sheepishly. “Caryn convinced me to let her put some on me. Then she dared me to keep it. She wanted to know what you thought.”
“Huh.” I tilted my head at him. It sharpened his brown eyes and made them stand out more. I never would’ve said I had a thing for it before now, but it was kinda hot. “I like that, too.”
Our lips met again. “How long do we have before your mom gets suspicious?” he asked when we were down to our boxers. He kissed down my neck and to my shoulder, and I sighed a little.
“I’ll just call her and tell her we hit traffic. I’m not worried about it.” My parents aren’t stupid. They’d probably figure out what had kept us. But I couldn’t bring myself to care. As far as I was concerned, we had all the time in the world.
On the drive home, I intertwined my fingers with his and refused to let go.
“Can I have my hand back?” he pleaded some twenty minutes later, but he was laughing.
“No.”
He rolled his eyes playfully. “Fine. Tell me about college.”
I was off and running immediately. He and I IM all the time, so he knew some things, but I still managed to talk for about an hour straight. I told him about my roommate’s obliviousness, and my weird English professor whose socks never matched, and my soccer teammates. He listened attentively, laughing when appropriate and asking questions.
When I finally exhausted myself, he smiled. “You know, I’ve really missed listening to you ramble.”
“Happy to serve. So what about you?”
He grinned with genuine enthusiasm. “It’s great. I love it.”
He chatted animatedly about his classes, particularly the ones he was taking in literature and writing. (He’s an English major—figures, right?) He also talked about how his roommate was perpetually stoned.
“He’s nice enough not to smoke it in the room, but I swear, you could get a contact high just by getting within five feet of him.”
I laughed. “Do you ever smoke with him?”
I meant it as a joke, but my jaw dropped when he shrugged and said, “Sometimes.”
“Seriously?” I wouldn’t consider Tom straight-edge or anything—I’ve seen him drink on more than one occasion—but I never imagined him trying anything beyond that. Not that weed is in the same category as, like, heroin or anything, but you know what I mean.
He gave me an amused glance. “Yeah. It’s relaxing.”
“And God knows you need that,” I said, squeezing his hand. “Are you gonna become a stoner, too?”
“Oh, yeah. Then I’ll get a talking dog and a van and ride around solving mysteries.”
“Your sarcasm has been noted.”
He lifted my hand to kiss the back of it. “I really did miss you.” He smiled, but I could see the undertones of sadness to it.
“Hey, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“Come on. Say what you’re thinking right now.” We’ve been saying that to each other our whole relationship when the other person doesn’t want to talk. Usually it’s me saying it to him, but he’s had to pull it out a few times.
His smile turned more genuine at that. “It’s not a big deal. I just hate being so far apart. That’s all.”
“I do, too. But we can make the most of this weekend, right?”
“Yeah. For sure.”
Before I could say anything else, he let go of my hand to turn up the radio, and, for the rest of the drive, I just listened to him sing along in that amazing voice of his. There was nowhere else I would’ve wanted to be.
About an hour later, he pulled into my driveway and turned to me. “Here we are.”
“Yeah, guess so. Thanks for picking me up. I’m really glad I got to see you.”
“So am I.” He leaned in and kissed me. “It was worth the three-hour drive there and back.”
“Will I see you this weekend?”
“Of course. Caryn has already demanded a lot of my time for tomorrow, but we’ll make something happen, okay?”
“Okay.” I kissed him again. “See you later, then. I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
I smiled at him from my porch and waved as he backed down the driveway. I let myself in the front door. The house was unusually quiet. I dropped my bag on the floor and wandered to the rec room, where Jordan and Byron were lounging on the couch.
“I’m glad I don’t have to wear shoes in the shower, but I almost wish I were still there. Ted’s a much better roommate than Adam,” Jordan was saying. “And by that I mean, he’s not there a lot, so it’s like having my own room.”
“Wow, fuck me, I guess,” I said from the doorway. “I can go back to Boston if you want.”
“Adam!” They scrambled off the couch and tackled me. They wrestled me to the floor. Since it was two to one, I lost badly.
“You assholes,” I said from under them, the carpet scratching at my exposed arms. “Get off me.”
“Make us.”
I managed to shove Jordan to the floor, and Byron surrendered. He knows he can’t beat me. He held out a hand and helped me up, and we piled back on the couch, me in the middle.
“Where were you?” Jordan asked. “I thought you would’ve been back over an hour ago.”
“Jordan.” Byron shook his head. “Come on.”
“What?” He swung back and forth between us, confused, while Byron and I tried not to laugh.
“Dude, we sent Tom to get Adam on a day when his dorm starts emptying out and his roommate has already gone home. What do you think kept them?”
“Ohhhh.” Jordan grinned. “Of course. How was it?”
I chuckled. “Much-needed.”
“Did it hurt?” he asked, and Byron snorted.
I blinked. “What?”
“You heard me.”
I smacked him with a pillow. “You’re an idiot. And no.”
“So you were on top? Nice.” Jordan nodded in approval.
Vanessa drifted by the rec room in that moment. “No way Adam is a top,” she remarked.
“Hey, fuck you,” I yelled after her as my brothers skipped laughing and went straight to crying.
“I’d say the same to you, but it sounds like Tom already did,” she called back, causing Jordan and Byron to fall on the floor and laugh even harder. I glared at them unconvincingly until they settled, wiping tears from their eyes.
“You have to admit, she’s pretty funny,” Jordan said as he caught his breath. He climbed back up on the couch.
“She’s way funnier when she’s insulting you,” I grumbled, but I couldn’t help laughing.
“So.” Byron plopped down and nudged me. “Was she right?”
“I’m not answering that.” I made to get up, but Jordan grabbed my arm and pulled me back down.
“Come on, we’ll tell you things about us.”
“I don’t want to know.”
“Pussy.” Jordan shoved me. “Why won’t you tell us?”
Byron leaned back on the arm of the couch. “He’s just embarrassed to admit he bottoms.” I punched him on the leg. “Hey, no judgment here,” he said, rubbing the spot where I’d hit him. “There’s gotta be something to it.”
“Yeah, really. It’s no big deal.” Jordan grabbed my shoulder and shook it. “We just wanna know.”
I sighed and wished the couch would swallow me. “You two are incorrigible.”
Jordan groaned. “Remind me to talk to Tom about not giving you any more books. I can’t take the vocab words.” He leaned back against the other end of the couch and stuck his feet in my lap. “So do you?”
I folded my arms. “I regret coming in here. You’re worse than Caryn.” They just waited. I rolled my eyes. “We switch, okay? Just depending on what we’re feeling in the moment.”
“But what do you prefer?” Byron pressed.
My face was hot, and I knew I was blushing. That should’ve been answer enough for them, but I was sure they wouldn’t let it go until I said it.
“Both have their perks,” I tried, trying to stay vague but knowing it wouldn’t work.
“But?”
I looked away. “Fine. I like to bottom.”
“Ha!” Byron leaned across me and slapped Jordan’s knee. “Told you!”
Jordan scrunched up his face and threw a five-dollar bill at him.
“You guys are absolute dickheads,” I said. “Why would you bet on that?”
“Because we’re absolute dickheads,” Jordan said, shrugging. “What’s it like?”
“Why don’t you have Haley peg you and find out?” I flipped him off.
“Pass.” Jordan nudged me with his toes, and I slapped them. He pulled his feet away and sat up. “You just don’t seem like the type.”
“What does that mean?”
He shrugged. “You’re just not…you’re not a stereotype.”
“Neither is Tom,” Byron pointed out diplomatically.
“Well, no,” Jordan agreed. “I just…I don’t know.” He looked at me sheepishly. “You’re just so…masculine.”
“And?” I was starting to get annoyed.
“And…”
“Choose your words carefully,” Byron said, hiding his smile.
“And bottoming just…doesn’t seem like it would be?” Jordan winced when I glared at him. “I just mean—”
“Let me stop you right there,” I said, and he wisely shut his mouth. “Your sexual preferences aren’t tied to whether you’re masculine or not. It just feels good, and that’s all.”
He nodded slowly. “Yeah, I guess so.”
I sighed. “Look, I had to learn that, too. It was a big reason I struggled with being gay for so long. But I’m not any less of a man than you are, okay?”
“Yeah. I get it. Sorry.” He looked away in embarrassment, and Byron finally laughed.
“Jordan, you’re a fucking moron,” he said affectionately.
“I’m learning,” he protested, sitting on his hands.
“There’s nothing to learn,” I insisted. “We have sex just like you and Haley do, and that’s all you need to know.”
“Well, not just like,” Byron cracked, and I elbowed him.
“Same idea, though. Dick goes into a hole.”
“Not me. That’s exit only.” Jordan leaned his head back against the armrest. “Too bad Haley’s gone this week. I could use some action.”
“Where is she?”
“They’re spending Thanksgiving with her aunt in Rhode Island. They’ll be back Saturday.” He looked so pitiful that I couldn’t help but laugh.
“Gee, Jordan. How will you ever get through this?”
He raised his eyebrows at me. “I don’t want to hear it from you. You’re over an hour late because you were getting laid. Which I admire, by the way, but not all of us are so fortunate, and I do not appreciate the sarcasm.”
“Your soliloquy has been heard.”
Jordan groaned in disgust again. “What did I say about the big words?”
“It’s not my fault you’re an imbecile.”
“Okay, that’s it.” Jordan tackled me off the couch while Byron just watched us, laughing.
It was good to be home.