Work Text:
I'm not exactly certain when it all started. There wasn't a moment that I could recall that stood out as the beginning. Things like this I suppose were like that. At least that's what I had heard, what I had read.
Despite my busy schedule and despite all the things I heap upon my plate, I often found myself with time on my hands, moments where we weren't traveling, where I wasn't dealing with some issue that had arisen with the next show we were supposed to be at, some issue with management. Some things I foisted off on others to handle out of the sheer drudgery of it, some of it I knew I wasn't equipped to handle. But all in all, I found that idle moments were my downfall. What was that saying? Idle hands are the devils tools?
Hands certainly. I found myself on more than one occasion typing in my password for that damnable site I never updated to anymore but still checked on occasion. Curiosity lead me to it I assure you. But for some reason I just kept coming back to it.
Perhaps that was what started it, it had opened my eyes to things at least. Opened my eyes in ways that I was afraid to admit had already been watching. We were long-time friends, how could we be anything more? I knew that he didn't look at me in the same way at least. I knew where his attentions were and it wasn't on myself.
I'd seen those looks, heated gazes that fell upon another oblivious party. Oh the tale I could tell you, how I looked at him and he never noticed because he was looking at him. Unrequited love.
Idle hands were one thing, idle eyes often strayed to him, looked at all those pictures of him, those videos. Those stories written about him.
My distraction on the bus had me so absorbed that I didn't even notice when he walked into the sitting area, I was normally so aware of where he was that I nearly jumped out of my skin when he flopped to the couch beside me and leaned over to see what I was looking at on my screen as I yelped in surprise. Panicking, I slammed my finger on the escape key, not wanting him of all people to see it.
“Jumpy?” He said, smile splitting his features and I tried to will my heart to a normal pace as he observed me. He made a face before reaching over and fingered the sleeve of my shirt, a questioning, look flitting across his face.
“Isn't this..?” He started and I shook my head.
“No, it's mine. I didn't realize when I bought it that he had one like it. Stupid, I know right?” I laughed, fingering the fabric of the black and white checked shirt. Of course he was observant like that, he would notice the shirt so similar to his. He gave me a shrug and leaned in again, looking at my laptop screen.
“So then, what were you trying to hide? Looking at porn? Did I interrupt your 'personal time'? Cause you know that's what the bunks are for.” He laughed, the musical cadence of it warming me, despite the embarrassment I felt at being caught with my hand in the proverbial cookie jar.
“No. You startled me. Actually I was reading a book on there before I lost my place, thanks.” I gave him my best annoyed tone, though it wasn't really annoyed. Not truly. I'd never been able to pull that off. He only nodded in response, eyes fixed on my face, his expression saying it all. It said 'Sure mate, porn it is then'.
How right he was in that aspect. Granted, I really was reading but I wasn't about to share what exactly. He wouldn't get that out of me.
“What were you reading?”
Damn and blast.
“Uh.. Doctor Who fan fiction?” I blushed crimson, hoping that the lie wouldn't be seen through on this occasion. A snort for him and he shook his head.
“Oh you are such a geek you know that right?” He laughed and I laughed along with him.
“I know. Some of it is absurd but some is really good too.” I explained. It was true, I'd read some of it before and had a few favorites but he didn't need to know what I was really reading. He smirked as he reached over to my laptop, tapping at the keys.
“You should check this out since you're reading that other stuff. You'll get quite the laugh out of some of it.” He chuckled as he overtook the control of my laptop, pulling up a browser and navigating to what he wanted to show me. I watched his fingers on the keys, knowing suddenly what he was pulling up, hoping that he wouldn't notice that the autofill was working and supplying the rest of the address for him.
He didn't. He his enter and pulled the site up, scrolling down a bit before he pointed out a link.
“Here, check this one out, I was fooling around on here before and found it. Remember that the fans asked us about this?”
I couldn’t help but start to tune him out as I read a few words on the screen before I looked to him, still chattering about it, pointing out things, still oblivious.
“I mean, some of the writing is really good, you should read this one here since you like Doctor Who fan fiction. You might like it.. hey, you alright mate?” He asked, noting the pained expression on my face that I was trying to hold back.
“Hey, I'm not forcing you to read it if you really don't want to read about gay stuff. I just thought it was funny.” He started and I shook my head, swallowing thickly.
“Not that.” I started and looked up at him and it was like he was struck by lightning, realization hitting him. I had to wonder just how much he realized just then.
“Oh! Oh, I didn't.. I mean, I.. fuck..” He didn't scramble away from me, I was grateful for that small mercy. But there was a silent moment that fell between us before he cleared his throat.
“So.. how long have you.. you know?” The question fell like a lead weight between us, tearing at the tenseness between us.
“I don't know, I mean, I can't really pinpoint it.” I barely spoke above a whisper but he nodded, hearing me.
“I understand, I mean, it's about the same for me as well.” I looked up at his face then, looking at the thoughtful expression gracing his features. It wasn't a secret that he liked men. But it also at the same time wasn't something that was often discussed. It was something that just was. End of story.
“We're a pair of fools aren't we then?” He continued and I wasn't sure exactly what he meant. “I mean, the both of us wanting someone who's oblivious to it all.” He shook his head then, raising a hand to his face to rub it over his eyes. It was something I'd noticed he did when he was feeling less than comfortable. He put on a good show of confidence but I'd always been amused that the same word was used to describe a particular kind of crook. It was a game of lies, each getting everyone to believe something untrue and faking it till it was made.
“If you don't mind my asking, why haven't you said anything to him before, about this?” The question fell from his lips and left me confused and it showed on my face, I was sure of it.
“What? I don't understand..”
“Why haven't you told Matt that you like him?”
I was floored. Stunned. Shocked into silence. There wasn't words that could describe the way everything in my brain just ground to a halt, gears ceasing their movement.
“I mean, he's bound to return your feelings. You're a catch.” He was taking my silence in the wrong way and I wasn't sure how to explain to him that he'd gotten the wrong end of the stick.
“Hey, you alive in there mate?” He waved a hand in front of my face and I snapped out of my numb state, grabbing his hand.
“No, I can't tell Matt anything. It's not Matt I need to talk to.. I.. it's not like that..” I started and stumbled over my words, at a loss with language in a way I'd never been before. I'd always prided myself in my abilities to convey my thoughts. Today I felt the fool however.
“But what about..? I don't understand.. you've even started dressing like him.” He pointed out to me and I spared my shirt a quick glance, then shook my head. It really hadn’t been intentional but I'd unconsciously started dressing a bit like Matt to gain the attentions him. I hadn't even realized it at first until I looked at my suitcase one day and thought I was looking at Matt's.
“It's not like that. Trust me. Matt.. well he's Matt and I can understand why you think I'd be interested. I've seen the way you look at him too.” I paused, unsure what I was going to say.
“I think there is some confusion here, are we even on the same page?” I realized that I still had his hand in mine when he shifted it, twisting it to hold mine. It wasn't like we had never held hands, but it was usually something like when he grabbed my hand to pull me through a crowd or a I was dragging him along to some museum in a strange city. Right now it seemed out of place and I was aware how fast my heart was pounding, rattling away in it's cage of ribs in my chest.
“Listen, I should have said this ages ago but Matt.. I don't fancy him in that way. Well, he's attractive and I'd certainly not pass up a chance if he asked for something, no-strings attached, but really I've had my eye on someone else. I should have told him ages ago but I've been so afraid. I should have told you.” I felt him give my hand a squeeze.
I looked up into his grey eyes and my throat went dry, my attempt to swallow was futile. I saw the flush of pink across his face, sign of rising nerves as I felt my own kicking in, that awful prickling sensation of skin about to break out in sweat.
“Te-tell me?” I stuttered, my hand twitching where it was held in his.
“Tom. I like you.”
The statement crashed the world down around me and I could hear the roar of blood in my ears, downing out everything else like the crashing noise of a flash flood.
And then I started laughing, it bubbled up from inside of me and I didn't care about the shocked expression on Dom's face, that look of confusion. I released his hand, pulling it from his as I leaned in, wrapping my arms around him in a hug.
“A right proper pair of fools.” I laughed as I hugged him, feeling how stiff he was until I gave him a little squeeze and he started to relax into the embrace. His bravery in his admission prompted my own and I found myself whispering into the shell of his ear the secret I'd kept hidden inside of myself for so long. It was time to set it free.
“I don't fancy Matt. I fancy you Dom.”
He suddenly went rigid in the embrace and then pulled away. I saw his shocked expression. It was completely priceless, the expression on his face and I have no clue what came over me just then at that moment. I tossed caution to the wind and I leaned into him, pressing my lips against his. For a bare second it was like kissing a statue and then it wasn't as he came alive and returned the kiss with enthusiasm. The chaste kiss suddenly wasn't so chaste as I felt his tongue against my lips, seeking entrance and I opened to him, kissing him eagerly.
The click and whir of a camera snapped the both of us to attention, the pair of us turning to the sound, staring in shock at the pair of grinning fools peeking from bunks of the bus. Matt snapped off another picture and laughed as Chris beamed at us.
“About fucking time. I was starting to think the pair of you were too dense to see what was right in front of your faces.” Chris spoke up as Matt looked at the image preview of the pictures he snapped on the camera.
“It's a bloody adorable picture, don't you think so?” He held it up for Chris to see and the taller man nodded, then smiled.
“Let's put it on Twitter!”
“Oh you wouldn't dare!” Dom and I cried out in unison, the both of us scrambling to try to catch Matt and Chris who had already sprinted for the back of the bus, locking us out of the back room that served as a changing area. Dom rattled the door uselessly before he leaned against it and looked over at me.
“Whatever. I don't really care. They can put it up on Twitter. I've had more embarrassing stuff on there anyways.” He laughed and reached a hand up to cup my cheek and I smiled in response, leaning into him and kissing him again, feeling my heart swell with absolute joy.
Finally.