Work Text:
The glow of Till’s phone screen burned at his retinas, a blazing fire against the darkness of his bedroom. Till squinted his tired eyes as he typed away. It may be the middle of the night but he had to get these lyrics down lest he forget about them by morning.
The very object of said lyrics was nestled in the bed beside him. The soft snores and sniffles coming from Ivan were music to Till’s ears as he typed haphazardly with one hand so the other could card through the smooth black locks of Ivan’s hair.
Allow me, to the tips of your fingers…
Till set his phone down upon the mattress so he could rub at his tired eyes. Blinking them open again, willing them to focus in the darkness of the room, they settled upon something resting atop the nightstand beside the bed. A sketchbook, the edges of the pages rough and frayed, the covers coated in layers upon layers of stickers.
Holding Ivan close against his chest so as not to jostle him awake, Till reached toward the nightstand, flipping through the sketchbook until he landed on a certain page. There lay a portrait of Ivan, sketchy and unfinished, leaving much to be desired. His mind wandered back to that fateful day at the park so many weeks ago, that day when he’d feared that he’d lost Ivan forever, that whatever had bloomed between them had shriveled and withered away. He’d never gotten to finish the piece that he’d been drawing that day upon that bench as the flower petals had rained down on them.
The time he and Ivan have spent together flooded Till’s brain, memories that tasted of strawberry cheesecake and mint chocolate chip. Neon lights flickered in his head, jazzy tunes and gentle melodies sounded in the back of his mind. A leather jacket, soft against his cheek as he buried his face in the chest of the man who set his heart ablaze and made his mind a mess.
Till ran his finger along the tattered edge of the sketchbook page, a delicate reflection of his battered and fragile heart. Filled with so much hope and love, it had nearly burst at the seams. It weighed him down, these emotions he’d lugged around since childhood, too heavy to carry. He’d thought he could alleviate the pain up on the stage, let it all spill out into the crowd below, but it was never enough. He’d neglected to realize just how much he’d needed someone beside him to help carry the load, but who was he to lay that burden on someone else?
Ivan had entered his life when Till hadn’t even known he’d needed him most, had been blinded by the spotlights and hadn’t realized just how close he was to falling off the edge of that stage. Who would’ve thought that Ivan would be the one to pull him back up, to get him back on his feet? Who would’ve thought that Ivan would be the cure to his never-ending loneliness? He’d been an enigma to him, a galaxy of mystery hiding in the deep black void of his eyes. He’d hardly even known Till yet he’d been willing to share his entire world with him, willing to hand over his heart to Till and trust that he wouldn’t lose it or break it. He’d held the whole universe in his gaze and the weight of it had frightened Till. He’d run, neglecting to notice that Ivan was just as weak and frail as he, just as desperate for a hand to hold and a shoulder to lean on.
It was still a mystery to Till how he’d gotten here, nestled in the arms of someone who loved him and who he loved in return. It’d taken him far too long to realize his feelings and when he finally had he’d almost let them slip right through his fingers.
There was a time when the mere concept of someone holding a space for him so close to their heart had been a far-off dream. Till was hard to love and he knew it—the runt of the litter, a cat left out in the rain. He hadn’t known what to do with the love Ivan had given him, hadn’t been familiar with such a sensation. He hadn’t believed he could occupy such a special place in someone’s heart, hadn’t believed he was deserving of it.
He’d been so confused back then but now there was nothing he was more certain about in his life—he wanted to remain by Ivan’s side, wanted their melodies to remain intertwined for eternity. He wanted to love, something he’d never felt he’d had the freedom or courage to do before. His heart was overflowing with the passion he’d never been able to share and he knew now that he wanted to give it all to Ivan.
Ivan stirred in his sleep, cuddling closer to Till. He breathed a sleepy sigh, tickling the skin of Till’s chest.
Let me drown in you…
Till took Ivan’s head in his hands, caressing the skin of his cheeks, jawline, lips. Gently Till turned his face up toward his own, gazing upon the sleeping figure. The dark eyelashes outlined against his cheeks, the slight parting of his lips, the peaceful set of his brows. A thousand stars twinkled just outside his window yet Till would neglect to pay them any mind. Why should he bother when the sleeping image of his boyfriend before him was already a sight to behold?
Holding the man like he was something to be cherished, Till brushed a soft kiss against the corner of Ivan’s lip, then more upon his nose and forehead until he was satisfied, assured that his affections would trickle into Ivan’s dreamscape and lull him into a wistful sleep.
Shutting off his phone as lyrics and melodies sang in his mind, Till drifted away in the arms of his cure.
To this everlasting melody,
Face to face we dance…