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As an agent, his expressions were valuable. Perry Fletcher, codename Agent Perry the Platypus, knew this. Years out in the field honed his ability to navigate any situation with a calculating eye and poker face, unwilling to give his targets an inkling of his next move, next word. Little words can be told by the steel gaze he perfected. It’s how he was able to bring down the Irish mob in a casino in Argentina. It was how he outwitted that Canadian scientist a while back, pulling the right lever to foil his entire plans. And it was how he started his relationship with his nemesis Heinz Doofenshmirtz, steel gaze marred by a simple, curious raised brow. Just enough to give his nemesis an invitation, a challenge in broad daylight.
Back then, it was easier to hold his expression steady. Heinz was merely a nemesis at the time (nemesis didn’t mean much then, he was just a daily assignment); an evil scientist with a tragic past life that boiled down to petty machinery to make his daily life a little fuller. At first, Perry could only feel pity for the man. Here he was, making problems more complicated without thinking them through. He was a comedic evil, one that Perry didn’t think he would get so attached to. A job is a job.
But, he quickly learned to understand that Heinz was more than just a man pretending to be evil. Heinz was multifaceted, a determined and stubborn man who could not be slowed. In a way, it was admirable. As they settled into a permanent routine, a dance for nemeses, Perry came to respect and even enjoy Heinz’s company. Perry revoked his pity, because Heinz didn’t need it; he just needed someone to treat him as an equal. And that was something Perry could give him.
The agent, however, hadn’t planned to give his heart in the process. It started too soon, too fast. Perry was never one to fall in love so easily. He’s had his fair share of romantic relationships, but they never seemed to go the way he planned. Heinz has always been different; he knew this. He just didn’t expect to start seeing Heinz’s musical numbers as cute. He didn’t expect to enjoy the traps set for him every day. He didn’t expect to find the chase around the scientist’s laboratory thrilling and exhilarating. And each time, Perry knew his emotions were starting to leak through, wanting, needing Heinz’s attention. Like a moth to a flame, Perry wanted Heinz to continue to cultivate their relationship as nemeses until the end of time.
Finding Heinz hiding another agent in his closet broke his mask. He knew Heinz had been acting strange the moment he stepped in, pulling his hat down to assess the apartment. There were already scorch marks in the gaudy purple carpet, the smell of metal and heat in the air. He couldn’t help the incredulous look he gave Heinz, who looked far too guilty. It made his stomach twist in knots, a gross feeling settling in his bones.
It only took seconds for Perry to find the other agent in the closet. He knew little about Peter Chen, codename Peter the Panda. He was top of his class in Seattle and was currently not assigned to a nemesis. The man didn’t say anything other than give him a blank stare, completely opposite of Perry’s hurt look.
“Perry the Platypus, look, I just–Peter the Panda and I disliked each other at first sight and well–” Heinz was blabbering, avoiding his gaze and wringing his wrists. His words were lost on Perry, his ears hearing a distant rumble as he tried to make sense of the situation. The agent’s hands kept unclenching and clenching, a repetitive motion to ground him. Otherwise, he knew he would lose himself. His heart was crumbling and his eyes kept watching Heinz’s behaviors, the scientist listing excuses like that would solve the torrent of emotions crashing into Perry.
Heinz didn’t know. He didn’t know that he was Perry’s focal point, his friend and most importantly, the man he has fallen in love with. He didn’t understand the gravity of what was happening, merely chalking it up to a matter of principle. It was that, sure, but also so much more . Heinz meant so much more to Perry. Too much, that he didn’t want to share with some stupid agent from Seattle. Heinz was HIS nemesis, his light, his everything, really. There was no need for someone else to step into the picture.
Heinz paused, long enough for Perry to notice the thick tension in the air. Peter hadn’t said anything yet, black eyes piercing into Perry’s soul. Perry felt vulnerable, exposed under that gaze. And Heinz’s own gaze, the one that looked at him with guilt, made a cloud of rage bloom in his ribcage.
“I just think, we need a break?” The words left Heinz’s lips like a question, left suspended in the air between them. Perry could only raise his eyebrows more, a snort of disbelief leaving him—the only thing he’s said in this situation.
How dare Heinz try and ruin what they had? What the hell did Peter give that Perry couldn’t? A break? Perry and Heinz were too old to act like this nemesis-ship was a high school relationship. This was a relationship cultivated with years of lunch dates, daily thwarting, and conversations had far away from the prying eyes of O.W.C.A. Heinz should have known better.
And Perry should have known better than to think Heinz could read between the lines.
It hurt. The betrayal twisted in his gut, exploding in an ugly mixture of anxiety, sadness and anger. Perry took a step back, suddenly feeling trapped. Heinz’s apartment was too constricting, sliding rope along his neck in a desperate attempt to keep him in his place. Heinz felt too far and yet so close, a light that Perry, for once, felt like he needed to get away from.
So he did. Perry turned his heel and ran.
__
Alcohol tasted sweet.
After the fiasco at DEI, Perry found himself in a small hole-in-the-wall bar, decorated with neon lights and a sticky bar counter. The smell of smoke permeated every corner of the establishment, the sound of drunk patrons ringing in his ears. The seat next to him was gloriously empty, so Perry took most of the bar counter, spreading his arms to wallow in his own misery.
The empty glasses next to him were not a fetching look. Perry wasn’t one to drink a lot; he enjoyed having a glass of wine with Linda every now and then, but his binge drinking days when he was back in the academy had been over for years now. Yet, here he is, three drinks in so far, each drink stronger than the last. An untouched shot of whisky sat in front of him, urging him to drink even though he really should stop. There was a nice buzz in his head, but not enough to feel like he was losing himself. And yet, tears were building in the corner of his eyes, a moody cloud overtaking his part of the bar counter. The server must already be sick of him–head supported by the counter, waddling in his puddle of agony, trying and failing to get Heinz out of his mind.
Perry groaned, an audible grumble that came from the depths of his chest. Heinz, Heinz. The scientist was the last person Perry thought he would love, but here he was, hoping, needing Heinz even when he’s supposed to be mad at him. Perry sniffled, eyes peering up at the murky ceiling above him. His eyesight was still clear, but the man should start reeling himself in.
Heinz was such an idiot. A dumb, lovable idiot. His idiot. Time and time again, Perry was able to forgive him for many things, and this would be one of those things. Because Perry can’t even hold Heinz at fault for this. Their relationship was not made out of love. It was a relationship built on the rules of good and evil, do-gooder agent and evil scientist. Without O.W.C.A., Perry wasn’t even sure if he would have known who Heinz was.
At least, that’s how this relationship started. Some things were always left unsaid. Perry could not tell Heinz how much he appreciated him, even when Heinz was always so willing to toe that line on late nights, when it was just the two of us. Perry’s affection was always clamped down as best as he could, keeping Heinz at arm's length. And maybe this was his atonement for basically stringing Heinz along for years, for Heinz’s affections to waver and be directed to someone else.
But how could Perry stay away from Heinz? From the beginning, there has been a crack in Perry’s heart, an opening for the evil scientist to squeeze through. Under all those backstories, all that pettiness, all the evil that Heinz insisted he was, he simply craved attention. He enjoyed being the star of the show, lit up a room when things revolved around him for even a second, and seemed to preen under Perry’s gaze. He pulled Perry into his orbit every time, a moon circling his star. A gravitational pull that only grew as time went on, a desperate want that batted at Perry’s caged heart, demanding to be let out.
He remembered a night when they both decided to stay up late, the debris around them more than usual. Heinz genuinely seemed upset that day, his frown etched in his face for hours, it seemed. He pulled his punches more, hesitating far too long, and kept the fight short. After pressing the self-destruct button, Perry had lingered. Like a magnet, Perry sat down next to the man, offering a shoulder.
“It’s been a hard day, Perry the Platypus. And I’m just a sad, old man who needs a moment.” Heinz said, a self-deprecating smile playing on his lips. Perry, unable to break that wall between them, simply listened, sitting on his hands lest he reach out and touch the man, to cradle him close.
That day, Heinz let the silence flow. Heinz let tears fall from his face, curling into himself as his eyes searched for something in the agent next to him. As if he was waiting, holding his breath, hoping for a gentle hand. He wanted more, a silent plead exuding out of him. Akin to a puppy wanting attention.
That moment did not come. Perry merely bumped his shoulder into Heinz, keeping the rest of his touch to himself. Perry could not, would not let himself cross that line. It hurt, it pained him. But he…couldn’t. He wasn’t sure if he could.
Heinz realized this, aware that Perry would not cross boundaries. It was seen in the way his eyes stopped glimmering, a vacant look left in its wake. The spark gone, extinguished. The night ended abruptly then, a lost look in the scientist’s eyes as he shooed Perry out of his apartment, claiming he needed sleep.
That was weeks ago. Who was to say that moment of vulnerability was a way for Heinz to test if his time, his relationship with Perry, was worth it? And all Perry did was royally fuck it up. And now, sitting at this bar, Perry’s heart clenched, realizing how utterly stupid he was.
Perry got up from his seat, paying his tab before he left.
He missed Heinz. He missed him terribly, the alcohol settling in the corners of his mouth. And he knew what he was about to do was not the best idea. But Perry couldn’t care; the alcohol would be his excuse. Armed with courage, Perry took off into the night, a single place in mind.
——
The lights in the hallway were dark. The apartment was quiet, no metal grinding, coffee brewing, or TV to be heard. Perry took to using the elevator this time, unsure if he could expertly use his jetpack when under the influence. He was sure there was an O.W.C.A. regulation about that somewhere. Maybe Heinz knew.
Perry let himself in, using the spare key Heinz gave him two years ago. He had been annoyed then, ranting about Perry’s excessive force used against his front door. “It’s better this way! Just let yourself in and don’t break my door down!” He exclaimed with hands on his hips, eyes lingering on the broken pieces of wood on his floor. Perry had the decency to feel guilty, the apartment key feeling warm in his hand.
The darkness was easy to navigate. Perry took small steps, keeping close to the walls. The alcohol was not inhibiting his balance, though it did feel like he was moving through cotton at random intervals. He didn’t have to sneak around, but Heinz could be sleeping. If he was, well, Perry would crash on his sofa and hope his courage was still around come morning. He didn’t like the idea of putting it off, but Heinz would be upset if he woke him up.
Slowly, he made his way toward the hallway. At the end of the hall, he spotted a dim light. The master bedroom door was left ajar. Swallowing, Perry curled his hand around the door, pushing it open to reveal Heinz, sitting at his window.
He was dressed down in his fluffy purple robe. His back was to Perry, legs crossed as he stared out into the open night sky. His form was akin to a still painting, forlorn in his experience, a wandering soul awaiting the morning. Perry’s breath caught when the man turned to him, eyes rimmed with red and hazy with sleep. His stubbornness shone through the cracks, resisting the urge to shut his eyes.
“Perry,” Heinz breathed into the air, a shaky breath following the word. Perry couldn’t look away, unused to seeing Heinz so... disarmed. He’s seen the man in many states of despair, but this expression was lonely, seeking validation in a vast space. Heinz’s own mask, carefully placed to keep himself smiling, keep himself manically laughing, keep the standard of evil he followed, was replaced. Instead, Perry saw the man’s hurt, his guilt, and his raw hunger for attention.
Like a siren’s call, Perry fell. He stumbled, dropping to his knees at Heinz’s feet. A flower dying of thirst, a man stripped of his mask, craving the touch of a man he couldn’t live without. Perry couldn’t bother with the standards anymore. He dropped his forehead onto Heinz’s thigh, breathing in the smell of metal that lingered on the scientist. Heinz made a startled noise, but did not pull away. Instead, his hand found Perry’s teal hair, long fingers combing through the strands.
Neither of them said anything for a long time. Heinz merely let the man drink in his presence, his touch, the warmth of his thigh against his skin. The scientist was wonderfully human under him, firm and real, a gift from heaven. And Perry could only let his addled mind take everything in, his head finally coming up to look up at the man who plagued his dreams.
“There you are.” Heinz didn’t let go, his other hand coming up to cradle his cheek. Perry leaned into it, a wonderful heat that reached from his face and traveled to his toes. And while Heinz acted like a flame, Perry pushed through his foggy brain to articulate words. Because right now, Perry needed to make his thoughts heard. Heinz needed to know how much this moment, how much Heinz meant to him.
“Don’t leave me, Heinz.” Speech slightly slurred, Perry took the man’s hand and interlaced their fingers, pressing a chaste kiss on the back of his hand. “I don’t think I can live without you.”
Heinz exhaled, trembling. “I should be saying that to you. I was the one who messed up.” Heinz turned away, eyes glossy once more. “The whole thing with Peter was just…I didn’t know if I was right…I wanted to get your attention.” Heinz settled on, voice small.
Perry shook his head. This morning had been horrible, but Perry could only think of needing Heinz right now. Maybe with a clearer mind, he would think about the conversation they’ll have about Peter.
For now, Perry straightened up, reaching, searching for Heinz’s face, placing both hands on either side of his face. He could see the way Heinz’s blue eyes glistened, sparkled with an ethereal glow. Perry saw the hope, the longing for more contact, more from Perry. And all Perry ever wanted was to deliver every single one of his wishes.
When their lips met, Perry swore he could hear church bells. A blessing in the form of Heinz’s lips, his soul felt complete. This would be his salvation, the press of Heinz’s malleable lips against his. And much like Perry, Heinz moved closer, unable to let go. His hands gripped Perry’s shoulders, hesitant yet so eager. His lips tasted of coffee and pie, moving against his and unwilling to let him leave.
When air finally became a concern, Heinz was the first to pull away. Perry’s eyes took in the blush on his cheekbones, the way his lips shone, and the adoration in his eyes. He was preening again, a sunflower leaning into his sun. Perry was sure he looked the same.
“I take back the break statement. I lied.” Heinz whispered in the space between them, leaning his forehead against Perry’s. Perry couldn’t help the snort that left him, shaking his head slightly to indicate his agreement. There was nothing that would keep him away from Heinz for long. No matter what O.W.C.A and others said. Perry loved him so much, it would be agony to stay away from him for too long.
Later, they would talk about this. Later, Heinz would sit down with him and talk about Peter. Later, Perry will be honest and say he loved Heinz. Later, they will tackle what the world says about them.
Right now, this moment, with Heinz’s lips against his, sending sparks into his head, was enough.